No Mercy 2004
May jebus have mercy on my soul, because this undercard probably won’t.
Eddie Guerrero Vs Luther Reigns
Eddie Guerrero. One of the all time greats. One of the most popular superstars at the time. Was WWE Champion at WM XX earlier in the year. Now he’s opening a PPV against Luther fucking Reigns. How does that even happen?
Luther gets off to a good start by powering Eddie down with a clothesline, so Eddie backs himself into a corner to sucker Luther in… then POKES HIM IN THE EYE. I miss Eddie 
. Goku got to come back for one day while dead to compete in a tournament, why can’t Eddie come back for a show?
Standard power wrestler stuff from Luther; press slam, bear hug etc. Nothing worth going into detail about lol. Highlight is Eddie selling it and using his lie, cheat and steal way off life to try and make comebacks.
So according to Michael Cole, Luther Reigns in the past has been shot, stabbed and had his throat slit. At least I know I’m not alone in not liking the guy 
.
Eddie escaping Reigns when he has him in a reverse DDT position is awesome. Knees to the face then uses the ropes to push himself up and over and lands a reverse DDT of his own! Now things are picking up as Eddie makes his comeback! Love how Eddie, despite being babyface, just looks like a cocky DICK after he hits a few moves lol. The fans eat it up and so do I.
Oh man oh man oh man Eddie is the greatest. He’s making his comeback and looking great… then Luther just powers him into the air and smashes him to the mat. Eddie rolls out to figure out what to do next… and happens to notice a security guard! He steals the security guard’s baton, sticks it in his boot and yeah, you can figure out what goes down after that 
. Eddie <3.
Eddie wins. Duh.
Match isn’t awful, so that’s something! Luther wasn’t bad, he was just… basic as shit . But give Eddie something basic and he turns it into something good, so I’m happy with how this went. Fun stuff, but such a waste of Eddie’s talent.
Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Dawn Marie walks in on Miss Jackie topless. FAP FAP FAP. Jackie just stands there covering her tits lol.
Spike Dudley Vs Nunzio – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match
God I love the FBI theme. Huh, Nunzio was trained by Billy Robinson? I did not know this. Pretty cool though.
Spike couldn’t even slam NUNZIO without falling back.
Opening few minutes are ALL Nunzio, with the champ unable to get anything in whatsoever. Nunzio looks pretty great btw. His offence looks snug and solid (kinda funny I’m noticing something like that after finding out who trained him ), and he is real smooth at the counters and shit too. Almost makes me wanna check more Nunzio stuff out. Almost.
Sweeeeeet counter by Nunzio into a cradle for a very close near fall, which is similar to how he beat Spike on SD to earn a title shot here.
Unfortunately Spike on offence is DULL AS FUCK as he keeps going for the same damn hold; a full nelson while Nunzio is on the mat.
Thankfully though Nunzio is on top of his game and seems to control a great deal of this match, countering the champ at every turn and hitting some sweet offence.
The Dudley Boys on the outside are what give the advantage finally to Spike allowing him to win.
This was fun. Nunzio going for quick counters into pins to try and get the win just like he did on SD was cool.
Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1
Paul London Vs Billy Kidman
Remember when Kidman injured Chavo Jr with a botched SSP? Ahhh, fun times 
.
Some nice HATE~! from London early on. Thanks to Kidman they lost the tag belts, and then Kidman smacked him in the back with a chair too. So he has every right to be fucked off. In the wrestling world, anyway lol .
Man, London doesn’t give a shit. He’s launching himself all over to hurt Kidman. That springboard moonsault from the second rope INSIDE the ring OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR was fucking SICK. I mean wow. One mistake and he could have landed on the back of his head on the apron or something.
RAKE TO THE EYES~! And then poor London gets thrown ribs first into the ring post and Kidman is controlling this one!
Nice job by Kidman WORKING a hold, stretching London after he went ribs first into that ring post, then punching the ribs for added punishment.
Great focused offence by Kidman, and London takes some great bumps and sells everything pretty well too.
Love how London keeps getting out of these holds by KNEEING KIDMAN IN THE FACE. Keeps working so why not?
Damn, that was one STIFF ELBOW shot to Kidman’s face. That looked better than any Bull Hammer from Barrett.
London keeps trying to make a comeback, but his injured ribs prevent him from getting on any kind of roll, and Kidman takes full advantage of it every time. Pretty smart work throughout this match, and some great action too!
Kidman goes to the ropes for a SSP!!! But like the last few weeks since the Chavo incident, he hesitates and looks to leave! But Teddy Long told him if he leaves the match he’s fired, so he has to come back anyway.
London goes for the SSP! Kidman drives the knees into London’s ribs, and then lands a SSP of his own for the win! Kidman overcame his demons! Yey!!! Wait… Kidman’s the heel? Yey anyway I guess?
Great match! Very impressed . LONDON IS SPITTING UP BLOOD!!! The fans seem happy about it . SSP TO LONDON WHILE HE’S STRAPPED ON A BOARD~!
Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3
JBL interview. He talks about how he’s always guaranteed victory… but tonight the words just can’t come out. EPIC FORESHADOWING? No. I mean… SPOILER~!
Kenzo Suzuki & Renee Dupree Vs RVD & Rey Mysterio – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
BLUCE SPLINGSTEEN~!
BOOOORRRN IN TEH YOU ESS AYYE
I almost wanna watch the match after that awesomeness from Kenzo. Was better than the real Springsteen that’s for sure .
Nah, I can’t watch it. I can’t watch a match with RVD, Kenzo and Dupree. Urgh.
Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1
The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle
Man, remember that awesome return from Big Show when he cleared the entire locker-room during that lumberjack match? Guy looked like a legit monster.
oh man the build up for this match. ANGLE SHOOTS BIG SHOW WITH A TRANQUILLISER GUN . Then shaves his head .
Teddy Long making more FIRED~! threats. Anyone interferes in this match and they are gone!
Big Show is gonna break Angle’s ASS IN HALF. I guess it’s one of THOSE kind of PPV’s…
Show pushes and throws Angle around for a few minutes, then Angle gets himself counted out!
TEDDY LONG~! He’s throwing his weight around AGAIN lol, and tells Angle the match is gonna restart, and if Angle doesn’t have a proper match he’s fired. TEDDY HATES THE WHITE MAN.
Angle trips over the steps and nearly gets counted out and fired.
Match gets ***** for that alone .
Oh man, great camera angle for Angle getting decked in the face holding a chair:
Show decides this match is over and goes for a chokeslam, but Angle rolls through into an Ankle Lock!!!
REF BUMP~! ANGLE CHEATS AND USES A CHAIR~!
Man, Angle really goes to fucking town on Show’s ankle. Love the spot where he HANGS on the ankle of Show while Show is on the apron. Looks brutal as fuck.
All that ankle work and… Show stands up and starts throwing Angle around, runs, and even hits a big boot. All the while completely NO SELLING the ankle work. Wow, no selling in an Angle match and it’s NOT Kurt’s fault?
Angle tries to shoot Big Show again.
Oh hey Show has decided to limp a little. Nice of him.
CHOKESLAM FROM THE ROPES~! Show wins.
Fun enough match, just a shame Show decides to no sell the ankle work during most of his comeback.
Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1
Booker T Vs John Cena – Best of 5 Series United States Championship – Match 5
Ha.
Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1
The Dudley Boys & Dawn Marie Vs Charlie Hass, Rico & Miss Jackie
So Charlie and Jackie are engaged. But Dawn Marie claims she’s having an affair with Dawn. And somehow the Dudley’s are involved making it a 6 man tag because STUFF.
FAP FAP FAP Dawn and Jackie get into it. Lol.
Bubba tags in and wants a kiss from Jackie. He closes his eyes and…
.
Bubba walks out of the match .
He eventually comes back and crotches Rico as revenge .
Bubba gets the tag and mauls Rico for kissing him, then Charlie gets the hot tag and cleans house for a little while, then it’s chaos as we go into the finish.
Bubba sets Rico up for the headbutt to the goin, but he seems to WANT it, and Devon is terrified .
In the end Rico lands a moonsault for the win.
FUN.
Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1
JBL Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Last Ride Match
.
JBL bringing back some old members of the Ministry of Darkness was awesome. And then Undertaker crushed them a week later .
Match starts with both guys clubbing each other in the face . ***** already .
JBL tries. He really does. But he just can’t do a damn thing to ‘Taker in the early going. Punches to the face, boots to the face, elbow drops, apron leg drop, and an irish whip into the steel steps are all things that Undertaker does to JBL without a care in the world .
STEEL STEPS TO THE FACE~! Undertaker wasted too much time setting up the announce table for a spot and ends up tasting some cold hard steel. Oh fuck, that second shot with the steps is fucking incredible.
Are there any Texan wrestlers who are BAD at punching?
TRIANGLE CHOKE~! JBL taps but it doesn’t matter. And I’m just now realising there is a referee. Why? Is he the only person who can call for the bell when the loser gets driven away? He doesn’t need to be there lol. In fact in the video package for the match, JBL claims there won’t be a referee. Oh well.
at Undertaker threatening one of the Spanish announcers with a monitor because he’s just sat at the table still when Undertaker clearly wants to put JBL through it .
That back body drops off the steps gets me every time. Looks brutal and has to be done perfectly because they don’t have the momentum of someone running the ropes to properly execute the move, so JBL could easily end up smashing the back of his head on the steps if it went wrong.
TOMEBSTONE ON THE STEEL STEPS~! Awesome. Tazz screaming at Undertaker not to do it because he’ll kill JBL is awesome too.
JBL is bleeding, so Undertaker targets the cut .
CHAIR SHOT TO UNDERTAKER~! Total desperation move from the champ.
CHOKESLAM FROM ONE ANNOUNCE TABLE THROUGH THE OTHER~!
The Dead Man picks up JBL and carries him up to the hearse! JBL is about to take his Last Ride!
HEIDENREICH~! He was in the back of the hearse all along! Chloroform~! Undertaker is out! The hearse starts to drive away… but Undertaker sits up and goes back after Heidenreich!!!
CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!
JBL survives and retains his championship!!!
Heyman turns out to be the driver of the hearse, and sets it up so Heidenreich can drive a truck right into it with Undertaker still in the back!!! Crazy!
Awesome, awesome match. A brutal, vicious, bloody brawl between two awesome brawlers. Love it.
Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6
Overall CAL SCALE – 11.5