Wrestling View

WrestleMania 32

The BIGGEST WrestleMania ever. In terms of attendance. Everything else? Perhaps the WORST WrestleMania ever for the card, booking and buildup. I have never, in all my time as a wrestling fan, been this uninterested in a WrestleMania. Congrats, WWE…

Kalista Vs Ryback – WWE United States Championship Match

Nothing like putting the US title match on before 90% of the fans have even made it into the arena .

This looks like a TNA live event .

Hardly any fans in attendance yet, and we still yet a loud Goldberg chant for Ryback .

Seriously, this feud is about Ryback thinking he’s better cos he’s big and Kalisto is small? What year are we in again?

they end up on the outside and it looks like there is only ONE person on the front row right now . Seriously, why put on a match BEFORE people are even there?

The sad thing is, this is actually quite fu… WHAT THE FUCK? A BREAK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH? TO ADVERTISE WM? DURING WM? WHAT?

Guessing the pre-show was on things like YouTube as well or something? So they are still trying to get people ot order the Network for WM? Still… come on. FFS. Do it AFTER THE MATCH.

Anyway, before I was VERY rudely interrupted… this is a fun match. Sure, its a match built on an angle you’d expect in the fucking 80’s, but Ryback is throwing Kalisto around like crazy and showing off his power and whatnot, and it all looks really good, meanwhile Kalisto is doing a good job as the FIP. Might have worked better if, you know, THE CROWD WAS ACTUALLY THERE.

So, Kalisto. Is he always this good? I rarely watch his matches, but the last few I have seen, he does make me think he’s the newer Rey Mysterio in terms of being small, taking great looking bumps, and having some super fun and unique comeback spots.

Nice finish that shows off the POWER of Ryback as he drags Kalisto away from the ropes, and rips off the turnbuckle pad at the same time due to Kalisto trying to hold onto it. Then it shows off how Kalisto can counter anything at any time and defeat even THE BIG GUY.

Good opener! I’m just worried the show is going to be downhill from here…

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Total Divas Vs Team B.A.D. & Blonde

DOWNHILL.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

LITA~! She’s been on the pre-show panel, and now she’s in the ring cutting a promo with a belt hidden under a red cloth. The new Women’s Title Belt? Yep. It is literally just the WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt, but smaller and with a white back. Lita claims the winner will be the FIRST WWE Women’s Champion. Did… did they forget they had one before? Anyway, nice to see the WOMEN’S title back to replace the DIVA’S title. Always disliked the DIVA part of it, made them seem more like bitchy girls than female athletes. Then again they WERE typically booked to be bitchy girls…

The Usos Vs The Dudley Boys

We basically had a full crowd for the 10 diva tag and now this, meanwhile the US title match was done in front of like 10 people. A LOT of people missed out on what is likely gonna end up as one of the best matches of the night.

Now then… do I watch this? I always liked the Dudley Boys, and its nice to see them back at WM. But… the Usos. Probably my least favourite tag team of the decade so far.

Bah, fuck it. Not watching. Skipped to the end. Usos won. Put the Dudley Boys through tables. Yawn.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

And so ends the Pre-Show. I thought the Andre Memorial Battle Royal was gonna take place here too? Oh well. That’s all for me tonight. I didn’t watch this live, I downloaded it. And now I’m off to bed and will download WM when I get up.

Kevin Owens Vs Sami Zayn Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs The Miz Vs Zack Ryder Vs Sin Cara Vs Stardust – WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Oh look, its the first major problem on the main show. Why. WHY. WHY THE FUCK could they not give us a single, one on one match between Owens and Zayn? They have the history. All they had to do was fucking TRY. Instead, they thought “fuck it” and threw in a bunch of useless fucking jobber nobodies and gave them a ladder. They literally booked this match to be nothing more than a pointless clusterfuck spotfest. Meanwhile the US title, where the champ is a fucking LUCHA guy… gets a random as fuck singles match?

First match of the main show, and the first match I’m watching since I woke up as the pre-show was online before I went to bed, and I’m already FUCKED OFF with this fucking show.

Fucking hell, how many different announce teams have they got this year? And all of them sound way better and more exciting than the English team .

CUNTS. Motherfucking CUNTS. Everyone but Owens runs out of the ring for a ladder, and Owens stays in the ring to stop them getting back in… except for Zayn. And they have a little staredown and punch exchange. Nothing like teasing what we SHOULD HAVE FUCKING GOTTEN IN A SINGLES MATCH. Instead of this spotfest shite.

Ok, that’s not fair. This is only a minute in. I don’t know it its shite yet. It could be good… .

Strange feelings for this. One the one hand, Zayn winning the belt here at WM would be an awesome moment and very well deserved. On the other hand, a big built up singles feud between him and Owens leading to a Zayn victory in a match would also be awesome. WHICH DO I WANT? Guess I’ll go with a WM win because I don’t have the faith in WWE to book them in a big singles feud…

FUCKING SAMI . Dive through the ropes onto everyone but Owens, then he runs around the ring, through the turnbuckle and lands the DDT . And I liked how his dive through the ropes (and a ladder) was somewhat logical. The ladder was near the ropes, and every time he tried to move it, Miz kept grabbing it. And with 5 other guys all down there, Zayn needed to make sure everyone was taken out BEFORE he could move the ladder and have a chance at using it. Its about as much logic as I expect from this match.

Oh ffs Dolph. YOU ARE NOT HBK. As many flaws as HBK had, he was actually fucking GOOD most of the time. You sir, are a fecking idiot who forgot how to have a match years ago.

Stardust has his own ladder because… painting it helps?

Nope. Painting it does not help.

FUCK YO LADDER. Owens doesn’t want that shite.

Zayn and Owens going at it again . Also . WHY WASN’T THIS A SINGLES MATCH?

FUCK YO MIZ. Owens doesn’t want that shite either. Pop Up Powerbomb for him.

Oh hey, Ryder is in this match. Forgot he existed.

FUCK ME THIS SHOW IS FIVE HOURS LONG? AND WE’VE ALREADY HAD A 2 HOUR PRE-SHOW?

Urgh, lame set up for the whole “ladder break” spot that we seem to get in EVERY FUCKING LADDER MATCH these days. It stopped being special or impressive when you kept using it every chance you had.

Zayn and Owens battling on the ladder . Just stop already. Every time they have an interaction I get sad at what we didn’t get. HERE’S WHAT YOU COULD’A WON!

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK FUCK AT THAT FUCKING HALF NELSON SUPLEX TO FUCKING OWENS ON THE BLOODY LADDER BY ZAYN. Match gets ***** for that alone.

Zayn was about to win and Jiz ruined the moment. Like he ruined everything by breathing.

What?

Just?

Happened?

What?

The?

Fuck?

Zack Ryder wins?

Minus Five Stars.

Someone check on Vince. I think he legitimately has brain damage. Actual brain damage. I’m not making some weird joke. He needs help. He is mentally ill at the very least. As is the entire fucking company apparently.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

AJ Styles Vs Chris Jericho

REMATCH-A-MANIA~!

So this feud was built up based on chants. And it gets a singles match at WM. After they already had multiple matches. Meanwhile Owens and Zayn are forced to compete in a multiman clusterfuck ladder match where Zack “he’s still employed?” Ryder WINS.

Brain. Damage.

Both men do moves. That is about the only way to really describe the match. They go back and forth doing moves. No reason. No nothing. Just moves. Because its WM and apparently doing moves is all that matters now.

AJ’s hair looks stupid.

Oh. A finisher kickout. Jericho is the only person on the planet who is surprised…

Styles Clash happens. And once again, Jericho kicks out of it. What’s the point of keeping Styles from using the move and having someone kick out of it any time he actually uses it?

Brain. Damage.

LOLJerichoWins.

I look forward to all the ****+ ratings from everyone else.

Personally I found this boring and pointless.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The New Day Vs League of Nations

Are… are The New Day dressed as Saiyans? I thought the Ginyu force would have been a better option personally…

Woods is Vegeta. Big E is Nappa… and I guess that makes Kofi Raditz? You know, Raditz, the weakling of the bunch, so weak they could GROW SAIBERMEN AS STRONG AS HIM .

Cole acting like he knows who Vegeta is and what DBZ is was hilarious. He clearly has no fucking idea what any of those words mean.

Did JBL just compare LON to THE FOUR HORSEMEN?

Is Barrett in this match? Cos he just seems to be standing on the floor. Best place for him, mind you, but still, I did think this was a 4 on 3 match.

LON win. Had some fun parts to it, but boy it was just another pointless match. This is fucking WRESTLEMANIA and this match didn’t mean a damn thing.

Rating: *3/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Barrett is cutting a promo. Wonder who will show up to shut him up.

Hai HBK . Damn, Shawn got GUNS.

MICK FOLEY~! Foley lost a lot of weight too .

So, third man is… Austin! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Right, the LON win their match, beating the tag team champs in a 3 on 3 match and… their reward is to get beaten up by 3 retired legends?

At least Rusev just became the GOAT Stunner Bumper.

Now for some dancing! I think Austin might need some beer before he dances… STUNNER~!

Fuck everyone, apparently .

Brain. Damage.

Brock Lesnar Vs Dean Ambrose – Street Fight

Ok, here we go. Something I can sorta look forward to. This is either gonna be one hell of a fucking WAR, or a disappointing WWE style brawl. No middle, imo.

I just have to put my faith in BROCK LESNAR.

Please, Dean Ambrose, don’t bring out your little red wagon with you.

Thank fuck for that, he didn’t . Match is starting off with potential .

SUPLEX CITY~!

KENDO STICKY~!

SUPLEX CITY~!

Oh crap, Lesnar has a Kendo Stick. And he breaks it in fucking half. Like he needs a fucking stick. YOU DON’T BRING A STICK TO A SUPLEX FIGHT.

at Dean giving a double thumbs up to the ref after landing on his head .

Paul’s evil laugh .

SLAP TO LESNAR~!

AMBROSE ON THE ATTA… SUPLEX CITY~!

Dean kept going for that stick, so Lesnar lets him have it… almost.

Now, if Dean was The Undertaker, what would he do in this situation?

LOW BLOW~!

CHAINSAW~!

The chainsaw won’t start up because DUH and Ambrose gets launched with another suplex, only this time its one of my fav suplexes, the Overhead Belly to Belly

Ambrose again tries to fight back with a weapon but Lesnar the BEAST runs up the ropes basically and launches Dean from the top with another overhead belly to belly!!!

AMBROSE JIZZES IN LESNAR’S FACE~!

STEEL CHAIR ATTACK~!

Dean fills the ring with chairs, Lesnar grabs him and hits a German Suplex… and throws Ambrose over all the chairs and lands on them himself .

F-5 COUNTERED INTO A DDT ON THE CHAIRS~!

Paul Heyman was moments away from breaking up the count lol! But the BEAST can kick out of fucking anything!

BARBIE~!

Dean is… making out with Barbie?

SUPLEX CITY ONTO THE CHAIRS~!

F-5 ON THE CHAIRS~!

Lesnar wins.

Well. I was wrong. There was a middle ground for this match. Was in between a fun crazy brawl and a typical WWE brawl. Wasn’t great, wasn’t shit. Disappointing in ways for sure. But definitely a boat load of fun in others.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

There are still THREE HOURS left. Do we even have enough matches for that? Is Rock gonna cut a fucking one hour promo? Urgh I hope not.

Snickers ad with Flair. And Ryder. And Ziggler. And Charlotte. What?

Charlotte Vs Becky Lynch Vs Sasha Banks – WWE Women’s Championship Match

The butterfly belt is going, and getting replaced with the WOMEN’S championship after this match.

LITA and LILLIAN looking better than the 3 competitors in this match .

Well, I honestly don’t give a fuck about this match, but ok, I’ll watch it. Its WM, and I did watch the women’s match at NXT Takeover: Dallas so I guess I’ll give this one a go too.

Sasha with some EDDIE GUERRERO type offense!

Becky misses a sunset flip when she launched herself too far lol. If that happened in NXT we’d have a shitty “botchamania” chant going by now.

Very, very nice underhook reverse DDT by Becky. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that done before.

Fuck me, Sasha with a brutal looking bump over the ropes right to the floor!

FROG SPLASH~! More Eddie offence from Sasha!

Crazy to think that just a couple of years ago, we wouldn’t see 90% of these moves being performed by the females in WWE.

RIC FLAIR GETS TAKEN OUT WITH A DIVE~!

Wonder if he’ll blade .

MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO BOTH OPPONENTS ON THE FLOOR~!

This is definitely your typical wwe style triple threat match, but I dunno, seeing the women pulling it off THIS GOOD leaves me more impressed with the match than “oh joy moves” like I would be if this was 3 guys doing it. I guess I really am just not used to this from the women’s division since I rarely watch a women’s match.

FIGURE EIGHT~!

FLAIR PREVENTS SASHA FROM BREAKING IT UP~!

BECKY TAPS~!

Well, I didn’t see that coming tbh! I was expecting a new champion!

Well, I guess we do kinda have a new champion, as Charlotte is now the NEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

Colour me impressed. Very impressed. This match got plenty of time, felt big, and everyone looked tremendous in it. Perhaps I need to watch some more of this WOMEN’S revolution!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Shane McMahon Vs The Undertaker – Hell in a Cell Match

this isn’t main eventing?

Ok, what is left for this show? This HIAC match. WWE WHC match. Andre Battle Royal. And the video file is showing as having 2 hours and 22 minutes left? Maybe there is like an… aftershow panel thingy on the end of this? Because I can’t see the show going on for that long unless I’m forgetting like 2 or 3 other matches .

So, Shane needs to win to gain control of the company, which the FANS want to see. Undertaker is still a massive babyface. And if he wins… Shane is done. Which the fans don’t want to see. But if Undertaker loses, Shane gains control and Undertaker never wrestles at WM. The fans want to see Shane gain control but don’t want Undertaker to never wrestle at WM again. WHO BOOKED THIS SHIT?

Brain. Damage.

Oh yeah and this show is taking place in TEXAS. You know, that place where THE UNDERTAKER IS FROM. How on earth and they supposed to be upset if Undertaker wins? Or truly happy if SHANE beats him?

Brain. Damage.

Anyway, enough of that. I need to stop thinking about all of that. This is the motherfucking UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA IN DALLAS TEXAS IN A HELL IN A CELL MATCH AGAINST SHANE O’MAC. This HAS to be insanely entertaining, right? Damn right.

Undertaker doesn’t get anything majorly special for his entrance again this year, but come on, EVERY Undertaker entrance is the greatest entrance ever. His normal entrance eclipses everything else anyone might do.

I like how they are hyping the fact that the longer this goes, the more is favours Shane because Undertaker will be knackered quicker. But Shane is the one dancing around and running around and throwing tons of strikes that aren’t connecting… and he’s old as fuck too . He’ll probably run out of steam before Undertaker .

Well, anyway, this is fun so far . Shane is trying it hit and move, and Undertaker keeps catching him with a couple of shots than just floor O’Mac.

ARPON LEG DROP~!

LAST RIDE~!

Shane actually kicked out?

A non wrestler just kicked out of one of THE UNDERTAKER’S FINISHING MOVES .

Shane taking a page out of Undertaker’s book with the MMA submission! Triangle Choke!!!

Undertaker is drooling .

CHOKESLAM ON THE STEEL STEPS~!

And Shane is gonna kick out again isn’t he?

Yup.

Come on. Seriously?

Getting hard to tell now if Undertaker is actually knackered or if he’s selling the effects of the match .

HELLS GATE~!

I wonder how Shane will escape this…

Well, nice counter, he managed to slip his head right out of the hold and counters with a Sharpshooter!!! Better be careful, ‘Taker, you’ll get screwed!

Undertaker POWERS out of it because he’s the fucking DEAD MAN.

Oooo Undertaker is in the corner… are we gonna see it? Is Shane gonna hit it? We all know its coming… come on Shane… we wanna see it!!!

Out comes the trash can! Its gonna happen .

And here we go…

COAST TO COAST~!

Ok, trash can doesn’t even remotely connect with Taker, but screw it, COAST TO COAST~!

BOLT CUTTERS~! Shane gonna escape the cell!!! Looks like we might get that big HIAC bump that we’ve all be craving for for years! I mean… not that we desire to see someone take a stupidly dangerous bump or anything .

OUCH. Undertaker drives Shane through the cell and the back of Shane’s head smacks on the CORNER of the announce table. That had to fucking take it out of Shane.

Undertaker rag-dolling Shane like a lunatic .

2 announce tables have been cleared. Shane and Undertaker are standing on a… random platform… big spot coming…

SLEEPER~! OMG!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHI… oh wait that wasn’t the big spot. Silly me .

I’m guessing… yup! Undertaker breaks the hold by smashing the two of them through a table!!!

TOOLBOX TO THE SKULL OF THE DEADMAN~! I wonder if they’ll get fined for that?

ANOTHER SHOT TO THE SKULL~!

Undertaker is laid out on the announce table… and Shane looks to the top of the cell…

IS IT… IS THIS REALLY GONNA HAPPEN? ARE WE GONNA SEE, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 16(?) YEARS… SOMEONE FLY OFF THE TOP OF THE CELL?!?!

And remember, this HIAC is HIGHER than the ones we used to see back then!!!

Even the fans are chanting PLEASE DON’T JUMP lol. This is INSANE.

FUCK ME HE DID IT. SHANE DOVE OFF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING GIANT HELL IN A CELL AND CRASHED THROUGH A FUCKING TABLE WHEN UNDERTAKER MOVED. SHANE IS A FUCKING MANIAC. HOLY FUCK.

HOLY.

FUCK.

Shane is BEGGING FOR MORE.

So Undertaker carries him back to the ring to finish him off.

Shane is getting back up. The fuck is wrong with him?

Undertaker showing respect for Shane, then smashes him head first into the mat with a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER~!

The Undertaker wins one hell of a fucking battle.

This was batshit crazy. Insane. Entertaining. Weird. Fun.

Of course the outcome is another BRAIN. DAMAGED. Decision from WWE given the stipulations, but at the same time Undertaker losing would have been the exact same so… WWE BRAIN DAMAGED themselves into a corner.

I basically got what I wanted out of this. An insane and MEMORABLE match. I probably enjoyed it more than some, yet somehow less than others .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

I hope HENRY wins this as a retirement gift from the company, assuming he IS retiring after this show like he’s been saying for a while now.

HOLY SHIT DDP!!! DDP IS IN THIS MATCH!!!

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL?

Goldust’s reaction to him .

Oh hey Tatanka is there too.

Shaq and Show double chokeslam Kane .

The two giants clear the ring.

Show eliminates Fandago. Shaq eliminates Sandow. They have a staredown while everyone else stays on the floor and watches them .

Everyone else piles in and eliminates them both .

even the commentators didn’t know Tatanka was in the match .

Hmm… Henry was knocked out by Show early in the match and seems to be staying in the floor… methinks him winning could be a very good prediction from me .

Bunch of people get eliminated and HERE COMES HENRY~! He’s back and Heath Slater gets thrown out like a child.

There goes Breeze too.

KANE AND HENRY GOING AT IT .

Huh, Henry is eliminated by Kane and Darren Young. Well, there goes my prediction.

Borin Corbin wins?

Brain.

Damage.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

THUNDERSTRUCK playing while some cheerleaders dance. And they follow it up with… The Rock. Pfft.

Wait, he’s leaving .

Ah crap he came back.

With… a gun? No, a fucking FLAMETHROWER.

And he’s setting light to his name that was conveniently set up just as he came out… because… I genuinely don’t know. At all.

1 hour 10 minutes left. Only Rock to cut a shitty promo and the main event to go. Help me Jebus.

Huh, suddenly I need a shit. What are the odds?

Rock is here to tell us the attendance. 101,763. Magical. Glad he wasted our time for that. Can he fuck off now? Please?

Wyatt Family? YES, KILL THE ROCK. KILL HIM.

Wait… a match?

The Rock Vs Eric Rowan

Well, better than a promo, guess?

Rock Bottom and he wins. In 6 seconds.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Ok, can they kill Rock now?

Oh fuck, Cena. Is he gonna bury someone in 6 seconds too now? They team up and bury the Wyatt Family together. How nice.

Triple H Vs Roman Reigns – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

I thought Stephanie was Nia Jax at first glance .

oh my god over 40 minutes left. After entrances, probably 30. Please, PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE A 30 MINUTE MATCH.

So, this HHH entrance. Ummm… is it parodying something? It isn’t Sar Wars or Marvel so I’m obviously not aware of whatever it actually is .

Reigns booed out of the building by 100,000+ fans .

So it begins. 35 minutes left on the video file.

Nice swinging neckbreaker off the table.

SPEAR TO STEPHANIE~!

Stephanie, the most hated heel in the company, and Roman STILL gets booed .

Reigns wins with a Spear.

Yawn.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

NXT Takeover: Dallas

Ok. I’ve never watched a FULL NXT Takeover show. I’ve rarely watched the TV show. Every now and then a match will come along that I wanna see (usually involving Sami Zayn) and I’ll watch it. But a full show? Never interested me. However, after sitting through a DECADE OF RAMBLES from 00 to 09 and seeing so much shite, people have been begging me to stop wasting my time on that and sit through something good, like NXT. So here I am. Watching a full NXT show and rambling on it. If this isn’t good, I will never let them forget it.

American Alpha Vs The Revival – NXT Tag Team Championship Match

My friend Tom (hai Tom) keeps telling me how awesome American Alpha are. If he lied to me, amma be sad.

The Revival look like a CAW team someone would make in a WWE game.

Gable seems to be super popular, always hear him get compared to Angle, and the fans in NXT like to chant his name to Angle’s theme tune lol.

at the commentator. He tries to make it sound like a big deal that American Alpha have only been teaming since July and are “already” wrestling for the tag titles . This in a company where some guys tag for the first time ever and win the belts .

SUPLEX CITY~! Wait, isn’t that Lesnar’s deal? LESNAR TO NXT TO KILL AMERICAN ALPHA~!

Too late, Dash just killed Gable with a clothesline. Lesnar only has Jordan to kill now.

I have to say, so far I am FUCKING LOVING this match. Definitely feels like a wonderful old school tag. Not exactly something I’d expect to see from an old school tag in DALLAS, unless it was the Midnight Express, but certainly something I’d expect from JCP. In fact this does remind me a lot of a great Rockers Vs Brainbusters tag. The faces had a long shine period at the start, then got cut off with a double team clothesline spot on the floor, and then we had some fucking AWESOME hot tag teases and unique ways to make sure no tag was made.

Botchamania chant for some double team move that didn’t exactly connect properly .

Oh wow this finishing stretch is absolutely tremendous. Some great near falls, but without using up any BIG finisher type moves. Hate when they waste a bunch of huge moves and completely ruin them.

ROLLUPS GALORE~!

Gotta say, I adore that tag finisher from American Alpha. Its simple, its basic, it looks like it would fit in during the 80’s but at the same time is still believable as a finisher in 2016.

We have NEW NXT Tag Team Champions! And we have a new American Alpha fan in me!

WrestleMania already has a HUGE task to follow this match. We’ll genuinely be LUCKY if anything on WM beats this.

JR IN THE CROWD~!

FUNAKI~!

KOTA IBUSHI~! Wait, the fuck is he?

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Baron Corbin Vs Austin Aries

A Double! The Greatest Man That Ever Lived!

And he’s facing Borin Corbin. At least, that’s what he was the last time I watched him. I hear good things (mostly) about Corbin these days, but I’m still a bit sceptical.

did Aries just avoid a clothesline by being… too short to even have to duck under it?

Dammit. A fucking nerve grip. Corbin living up to the Borin Corbin name I gave him. Such a shame because he was doing well before that. I swear that hold should be illegal. All it does is suck the life out of any fucking match that uses it.

A holy shit chant for a back suplex on the floor? Ummm… ok. Oh wait no, it wasn’t an ordinary back suplex on the floor, but a spinning one. Which makes all the difference? Lol. At least Jordan and Gable’s double team one looks the part…

Oh and then Aries counters Corbin’s finisher in the ring with a rollup and wins.

*sigh* well this wasn’t exactly good. Aries was good in it, but Corbin in all honesty started good and then went to shit and it ruined the whole match for me. I just look forward to Aries getting to work with some good opponents next.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Sami Zayn Vs Shinsuke Nakamura

Before I even promised to ramble on this show, I knew I was gonna at least watch this match. Mainly because ZAYN, but also because everyone was excited for Nakamura and while I’d heard OF him, I’d never actually seen a match from him. And well, if his debut match is against Zayn, I think its time I change that.

Huh, so his name is pronounced SHINSKAY? I just assumed it was ShinSookay lol. I learned things .

Hall and X-Pac in the crowd too!!!

Well, good to see Nakamura has some personality lol. His entrance shows more charisma than half the main roster .

Nakamura seems to be taking the piss a little and just having fun, and just as Sami thinks this match is starting to be a joke, he lets his guard down and almost gets his fucking head kicked off . Zayn avoided the kick obviously, but now he realises that this is some serious shit despite how Nakamura might be acting.

Now Zayn trying to get into the head of Nakamura by imitating him after some awesome DEEP ARM DRAGS~!

HEAD KICKS~!

Poor Sami just keeps getting kneed to the face and head.

They exchange forearm shots for… well, WAY too fucking long, but I guess the crowd are into it at least so that’s something, right?

Nakamura’s nose gets busted open and he ends up kicking the shit out of Zayn in response .

Fans chant “we love strong style” (urgh, btw) while Zayn is getting the shit kicked out of him, so when he recovers he absolutely blasts Nakamura and turns him inside out with a sweet fucking clothesline, almost like he was was doing it as a big “fuck you” to the fans for loving Nakamura kicking the shit out of him .

Man, Zayn is really giving it to Nakamura. Punches and kicks right to the head, showing the world that he can beat the shit out of people too.

KOJI CLUTCH~!

Another kick to the fucking HEAD of Zayn~!

a “FIGHT FOREVER” chant .

Looks like we’re into the finishing stretch now. Some nice counters going on and holy fuck I don’t think I’ve seen as great of a near fall off the Blue Thunder Bomb as that one.

Zayn goes for the DDT through the turnbuckle, but gets KICKED IN THE HEAD. Again. Lol. Still got nothing on the European Uppercut counter .

Running spin kick to the head finally finishes off Zayn. Is that his finisher, then? Cos during the match it seemed like they were building up a running knee (the one that Bryan used?) for Nakamura?

Ok. Well. This match, huh? Overall I very much enjoyed it, no doubt about that. However it DID have some issues, mainly that awful forearm exchange that went on far, far too fucking long. Didn’t help that a lot of the strikes didn’t exactly look good either, considering Nakamura was being hyped as the best Strong Style worker in the world . However those are really only minor complaints. Well, a bit more than minor for the forearm exchange maybe . Not enough to ruin the match for me though, just not think as highly of it compared to what I expect most people to do.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Nice standing ovation for Zayn afterwards, and I’m guessing this is his big NXT send off and he’ll now officially be on the main roster full time.

Bayley Vs Asuka – NXT Women’s Championship Match

And Asuka is pronounced Aska. Are all “U”‘s silent in Japanese names?

Ok then. The NXT Women’s Division. It has been getting rave reviews for a long time now. Most of the ones who made it so good are now on the main roster and people are liking how the main roster division is improving (mostly) with those names too.

Me though? I just haven’t cared. At all. I haven’t seen any of the big women’s matches that have been praised like crazy. I don’t watch any women’s matches any more. I just don’t care. In fact, I don’t watch that much WRESTLING any more either. I skip through Raw and maybe see 10 minutes in total, and honestly that rarely involved a match. I skip most PPV matches. Nothing interests me much these days, so it isn’t like I’m actively against the females or anything, I’m just not that interested in anything these days lol.

However, I promised I’d watch ALL of this event and dammit that’s what I’m gonna do.

What the fuck are the crowd singing? is this a regular thing for Bayley matches?

Ok, didn’t spend much time talking about the match here. One way to describe it though, is that its the female version of the previous match lol. Bayley is the plucky babyface that keeps on going and the fans love her for it, while Asuka is a brutal STRONG STYLE wrestler who will beat the shit out of you.

And you know what? This was the BETTER version of the match! Asuka’s strikes looked better, and I just found it far more enjoyable with some better counters, no stupid 2 minute forearm exchange, and a better finish too imo.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Finn Balor Vs Samoa Joe – NXT Championship Match

JOE IS GONNA KILL YOU. And take your NXT Championship . Then again… I reckon whoever loses this match will go to the main roster after WM… so actually I want Joe to lose because fuck Balor .

Oh yeah I don’t like Balor. Any time I’ve seen him wrestle, he has impressed me about as much as Borin Corbin. Seems all he is good for is his special painted entrance.

BOBBY ROODE IS IN THE CROWD!!! FUCK YES!!!

Why does Balor have a chainsaw for his entrance? Is that normal these days? Or is it a reference I don’t get? Not like Funk gave the chainsaw to him…

Fucking hell lol, Joe already bleeding a minute into the match .

Welp, there goes a security guard!

at Joe shoving the ref off him when he tries to wipe away some blood, then the ref gets another sneaky wipe in and Joe looks like he’d murder him if he did it again .

They finally have to deal with Joe’s cut as it seems to keep bleeding . The fans aren’t happy about it because they are blood thirsty cunts apparently . Come on, guys. This has been going on for YEARS now, how are you not used to it yet?

Well, the cut STILL isn’t sorted and they have to stop the match again to deal with it some more. I hope this doesn’t keep happening. Once is fine, I understand it has to happen. But when it happens again it does take away from the match due to having to stop shit and whatnot.

Luckily the stoppages so far haven’t killed the match or anything, and Joe imo is fucking carrying this entire thing right now and has been doing since the start.

Is anyone a heel in NXT? Every match tonight, the fans have chanted for both guys/teams at some point.

Match is getting a “this is awesome” chant and I’m honestly baffled as to why. It isn’t bad, but it sure as fuck isn’t awesome. Fans these days, so easily pleased.

RANDOM MUSCLE BUSTER~! And I swear the fans were basically expecting a kickout so there was no awesome near fall from it or anything.

Why are the fans chanting 1 number ahead of the ref during a 10 count?

We get a Bret/Austin SVS 96 finish and that’s that. Meh. Not a bad match, but oh boy was this mediocre as fuck compared to almost everything else on the show .

Ah well, at least it looks like Balor is staying in NXT and JOE will hopefully move up to the main roster!

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Overall CAL SCALE – 14.5

 

TLC 2009

 

I’ve finally made it. The last PPV of 2009. A full DECADE OF RAMBLES is about to be completed!!!

 

Christian Vs Shelton Benjamin – ECW Championship Ladder Match

*sigh* back in 09 I was so excited for this match. I mean, on paper, this SHOULD be a classic. Shelton had all those great performances in MITB matches, and Christian is one of the best ladder match guys ever. Together, especially in 2009 when Christian was likely the Best in the World? No brainer; MOTN. At least… potentially.

Unfortunately I was so fucking disappointed with this one. Every time I’ve seen it, I’ve liked it less. Will it do any better today? Probably not, but you never know.

THE ECW CHAMPIONSHIP HAS NEVER CHANGED HANDS IN THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS~! Well, Matt, that’s probably because ECW back in the day didn’t get anywhere NEAR Texas .

MICHAEL COLE CORRECTS MATT STRIKER WITH WRESTLING KNOWLEDGE .

This match actually starts off quite well… but once ladders come into play… it goes downhill. Botches, crappy spots and messy match structure!!!

Within about 2 minutes of a ladder showing up in the match, Christian is busted open and the match has to stop while the doctor’s see to him. Meanwhile Shelton has to pretend that the match HASN’T stopped and just looks like a pleb standing around not climbing a ladder and winning . The commentators try and blame it on the state of Texas having rules.

Shelton decides to climb the ladder after all… ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING, just as Christian has finished up being helped by the doctor . Now, I understand WWE’s PG practices and their much more strict health policies, but holy fuck does having to stop a match for a bit of blood really screw the guys over.

After a bunch of blargh spots and botches, Christian retains the title by splashing Shelton through a ladder. That sounds dirty.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

John Morrison Vs Drew McIntyre – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Drew doesn’t have his epic theme song atm . His old one was soooo fucking generic and shitty.

McIntyre is nice and VICIOUS here, living up to the hype the commentators throw at us in that sense. Elbows, big kicks, and every time he applies a submission (NOT A REST HOLD!!!), he’s always working the hold and trying to rip at Morrison’s face while bending back the arm etc .

An epic DDT from Morrison gets him back into the match, and man oh man Drew is awesome at taking a DDT .

Love how McIntyre is even on the offence while on the ground, kicking Morrison right in the knee. And then damn, the reverse Alabama Slam was BRUTAL!!!

Sweet Flying Chuck Kick using the apron on the outside showed us how good Morrison is at using his environment to his advantage.

STARSHIP PAIN~! Completely misses . But they act like it hit .

FOOT UNDER THE ROPES~!

MORRISON’S BELT GETS BROKEN~!

THUMB TO THE EYE~!

FUTURE SHOCK DDT~!

NEW IC CHAMPION~!

This was good stuff . Drew looked great, and Morrison definitely held his own too.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Mickie James Vs Michelle McCool – WWE Women’s Championship

This was during the whole PIGGY JAMES stuff. Seriously, WWE? SERIOUSLY? BE A STAR, YOU CUNTS.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Sheamus – WWE Championship Tables Match

I love how they try and make the TABLES MATCH out to be dangerous as fuck in the build up .

Brawling, brawling, more brawling, teased tables spots, back to brawling.

Some alright stuff here when they brawl… but then they do something fucking awful and it kinda ruins anything good they just did lol.

They even did a “OMG THE POWER” spot with Cena lifting Sheamus up for an AA .

at some of the commentary. IF A TABLE WAS THERE THIS MATCH WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER. Well DUH. And in every other match, if that had been a 3 count the match would have been over too. You fucking morons.

Oh look, now they are battling on the top rope with a table set up in the ring. I wonder what will happen here…

Sheamus wins the WWE Championship when Cena falls through a table. This is only just a step above TNA having someone win a title by opening a box…

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Undertaker Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Chairs Match

Chairs Match .

This match coined the EPIC line from Matt Striker:

“Undertaker has been in HIAC, Elimination Chamber and Inferno Matches, perhaps none more dangerous than a chairs match”

.

Ok, so CHAIRS ARE LEGAL in this match. Other weapons can cause a DQ, but CHAIRS ARE LEGAL. This is important. CHAIRS ARE LEGAL IN A CHAIRS MATCH.

Undertaker tries to keep Batista away from a chair early on, and relies on his big rights and lefts instead for now.

Batista is the first to use a chair to his advantage after Undertaker crashes into the barricade with a missed big boot. BATISTA IS CHOKING THE UNDERTAKER WITH A CHAIR. And it’s LEGAL, because CHAIRS ARE LEGAL IN THIS CHAIRS MATCH.

SUPERPLEX~!

FACE PUNCHING~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

This is soooo far apart from their 07 series it’s unreal. Maybe it’s the chairs stipulation. Maybe it’s Undertaker being 2 years older. Maybe it’s Batista being 2 years older. Maybe it’s all of those things. I don’t know, I just know that it isn’t the same .

The crowd don’t give a shit either. They’ve been terrible all night so far though, but come on, UNDERTAKER AND BATISTA AND HITTING EACH OTHER. React, you lazy shites.

SPINEBUSTER ON THE CHAIR~! Because, as we know, CHAIRS ARE LEGAL.

HELLS GATE~!

ROPE BREAK~!

ANNOYING STRIKER COMMENTARY~!

MORE STUFF WITH CHAIRS~! BECAUSE CHAIRS ARE LEGAL. IN A CHAIRS MATCH.

LOW BLOW BEHIND THE REFEREE’S BACK~!

CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD~!

BATISTA IS THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION~!

Well… I uhhhh… so this is embarrassing. The whole “CHAIRS ARE LEGAL” thing was done to set up a final joke about how Batista used a chair to low blow Undertaker and get the win only for it to be reversed because low blows weren’t allowed with the chair… but… Batista didn’t use a chair for the low blow. So… my memory has failed me far more than I ever thought it could.

Anyway, Teddy restarts the match, Tombstone, Undertaker wins.

It’s not great, but also not THAT horrible. Just disappointing given their history.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Randy Orton Vs Kofi Kingston

The days of Kofi getting a serious push. The MSG moment. The Survivor Series win. And now a singles PPV match with Orton. WWE tried with the guy, they really did. Then Orton got pissed off or something at how bad the guy sucks and that was it for Kofi in a possible main event .

I liked this match back in 09. And now I have one person hoping I don’t skip this match (because Kofi) as he still thinks its good, and one person hoping I don’t skip this match because he thinks it’s awful and wants me to torture myself or something. Cunt.

Kofi’s “fighting stance” is goofy as shit.

Kofi’s offence is goofy as shit.

Orton whips Kofi, expecting him to crash into the steel steps, but Kofi jumps off them… then up onto the ropes, gets his balance and then jumps off onto Orton… who has had about a year to prepare for that move and counter with a dropkick .

Seems that Orton is trying to smash his foot through Kofi’s ribs. I approve of this.

Ouch, an SOS from Kofi looks to really hurt Orton. He lands HARD on his back and neck.

BREATHING OUT YOUR MOUTH IS A SIGN OF INTERNAL INJURY~!

Kofi’s comeback . Selling the ribs (while good), just leaves Kofi moving super slow, making his offence look even worse than usual .

TROUBLE IN PARADISE~!

ROPE BREAK~!

HANG MAN DDT~!

PUNT~!

KOFI BLOCKED IT WITH HIS ARM~! HIS ARM IS FUCKED~!

ARM BREAKER~!

RKO~!

Orton wins lol.

Well, this one was… not as good as I remembered. Orton is really good in it, Kofi… he sells his ribs well, and then his arm after the Punt, but his offence is just so fucking terrible it’s hard to take anything he does seriously. He brings the match down whenever he does a move .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Chris Jericho & The Big Show Vs Shawn Michaels & Triple H – Unified Tag Team Championship TLC Match

This is it. The last match on the last PPV. I finish this and I’ve completed a 2 year project. LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE~!

Shit, no pre-match DX promo. So this gets over 20 minutes .

Well, HHH manages to take out Big Show for a moment, and instead of getting a ladder or helping HBK against Jericho… he spends a couple of minutes looking for a table and then setting it up NOWHERE NEAR ANYONE ELSE. Meanwhile there is already a table set up on the ramp near the ring. I’m gonna hate this match, aren’t I?

Big Show and HHH literally DISAPPEAR for a time. The camera focuses on HBK and Jericho, and I literally cannot see where the other 2 went .

OK, MATT, FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP. PLEASE. SHUT UP. FUCKING SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP YOU FUCKING FUCK. If you come up with another shitty, awful, terrible nickname for a wrestler I will come to your house and stab you in the nutsack.

Oh hey HHH and Big Show show up again. They are on top of the ramp way. Jericho and Shawn join them. Maybe they got lonely?

And now HBK has disappeared to get a chair, and begins to chair fight with Jericho .

THEN HE DROPS THE CHAIR SO HE CAN TURN AROUND AND FOCUS ON THE BIG SHOW. Who immediately drops him because he’s the fucking BIG SHOW. Maybe a chair would have been helpful against the giant?

Finally, something smart is happening. With HHH and HBK out on top of the ramp, JeriShow decide to go back to the ring and grab a ladder and like, TRY TO WIN.

The loudest reaction all night to something happening in the ring is… DX suplexing a ladder onto Jericho. Some people don’t deserve to go to a PPV.

Big Show punching the absolute shit out of HHH in the corner .

How much does Big Show weigh? He’s announced as 440lbs. The commentators claim he’s 485lbs. And then any time Big Show hits a splash or drops on someone… he’s 500lbs. MAKE UP YOUR FECKING MINDS. Or like, have a weigh-in before every Big Show match .

SWEET CHIN CODEBREAKER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPEAR~!

Big Show is left alone in the ring with a ladder . Now, all night Show’s weight has been brought up and how the ladder has a maximum limit of 400lbs. Yet he seems to do ok… so… is he UNDER 400lbs now? I AM CONFUSED!!!

DX have to combine their strength to push the giant off the ladder .

PEDIGREE~!

HHH… hurt himself doing a Pedigree…

HBK IS ALMOST AT THE TOP OF THE LADDER~!

Aaaaand he gets pushed off onto Big Show .

Big Show beats up the ladder . I guess being pushed off it has left him with some bad memories .

Well that was pointless because Jericho just brings in another ladder straight away .

DX TRAPPED IN A LADDER~!

Big Show broke that ladder too .

That table HHH set up at the start of the match? Finally comes into play with Big Show chokeslamming HBK INTO HHH AND THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

FFS. Instead of getting ANOTHER LADDER OUT… Jericho climbs on Big Show’s shoulders to try and reach the belts instead, which goes terribly wrong when DX come back in the ring and JeriShow are helpless .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!

Jericho falls off Show, over the ropes, then cracks into a table that doesn’t break and fuck me it looked PAINFUL.

And now DX decide to be retards and get one half of a ladder that Big Show broke instead of a new ladder. But Shawn climbs it as HHH holds it and they end up winning.

This is… or was… too long. Shave off 10 minutes and cut out some of the utter retarded shit and this could be good. But it did go 10 minutes too long and did feature a ton of stupid shit.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3

 

Survivor Series 2009

 

The 2nd to last PPV… and from what I remember, it’s actually a pretty decent event. I mean, I own it on DVD after all! Can’t say that about many 09 shows .

 

The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre & Sheamus Vs John Morrison, Evan Bourne, Matt Hardy, Finlay & Shelton Benjamin – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

Man, look at the fucking TALENT in this match. And look at where most of it went . Dolph? Turned to shit. Swagger? Jobber 4 Life. Drew? TNA. Sheamus? He’s in line for a title run atm but… he just hasn’t been the same for a while. Morrison? Gone. Bourne? Gone. Hardy? Fat, out of shape, and in TNA. Finlay? Retired it seems. Shelton? Died a slow, painful death in WWE before leaving.

Quite sad .

Swagger countering a ROLL UP into a SUPLEX .

Bourne totally rocks the early going of this match, and even gets rid of Dolph with a huge SSP!!! But once that’s done, McIntyre hits his Future Shock DDT and pins him .

BUT… that leads to FINLAY running in next and trying to murder Drew, who he has been feuding with for a while.

Sheamus is tagged in and… KICK TO THE FACE immediately and Finlay is gone. Lots of fast eliminations here, no doubt so they can make sure other matches on the show get more time, even though most won’t have the potential to be as awesome as this could be with 30 minutes .

I still never understand why people DON’T BREAK UP PINS in elimination matches. Normal tag matches? ALL THE TIME. Elimination tag matches? Meh, fuck it. Stupid as fuck.

Seems things are slowing down a bit now with Hardy playing FIP, and he’s the perfect guy since Bourne has already been eliminated. Also means we get some more Swagger Vs Matt action .

Fuck me, Swagger takes the… whatever that springboard kick of Morrison was called… really, really well. Though he does seem to take shots to the head far too well in general lol .

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE BROKE UP A PIN!!!

Doesn’t matter though, Swagger still ends up being pinned moments later.

Yey some Drew Vs Matt stuff . They had some awesome matches together.

FUTURE SHOCK DDT. Well, it’s 3 on 1 now for poor Morrison. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be like that if HE BROKE UP PINS. But what do I know? I’m just a fat ginger guy who posts blogs and videos on the internet…

Morrison takes a beating for a while, but starts to come back and almost takes everyone out, until he springboards right into a kick and then BOOM, Razor’s Edge!!! Sheamus picks up the win for his team!!!

Always liked this match . Lots of good talent (and The Miz), and does get about 20 minutes too, so aside from some fast eliminations early on, it does get a decent bit of time.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Backstage segment with Christian and his team (well, Kofi’s team). Everyone is black but Christian. Christian sees this and makes a joke about it, claiming that he’s different and the only one… FROM ECW. The others laugh it off thinking he was on about being white while they are all black, and he thinks they thought it was because he was Canadian . He then raps and brings up the fact he’s the only white guy . Oh man, why the FUCK was Christian not pushed more than Edge, seriously? I don’t get it? At all. Better on the mic? Check. Charisma? Check. In ring? FUCKING CHECK. He had IT. But Vince didn’t like IT and so Christian was pushed aside. Fuck you, Vince. Fuck you straight to motherfucking HELL.

 

Batista Vs Rey Mysterio

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!!!

Well, this looks like it will be FUN. Rey is running around, trying to chop down the ANIMAL… meanwhile Batista just MURDERS little Rey Rey every chance he gets .

Rey rocks at constantly trying to fight out of power moves and trying to hit Batista every chance he gets to keep him down so the power can’t come into play.

Batista is in serious trouble here as Rey really gets some momentum going, hitting multiple 619’s to the ribs of Batista while he’s standing against the ropes, and following it up with the springboard senton!!! But Rey takes one too many risks and Batista counters with his knees during a splash, and then Batista runs through poor Rey with a SPEAR that even Goldberg could be proud of.

That seems to be the end of Rey, and after a Spinebuster and BATISTA BOMB, it’s pretty much confirmed.

ANOTHER BATISTA BOMB~! Batista is punishing Rey for costing him the WHC back at Bragging Rights.

THIRD BATISTA BOMB~! And the referee calls for the bell; Rey cannot continue.

I was right, this was a lot of fun .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Team Orton backstage. Orton EXPECTS his team to win tonight.

 

Randy Orton, William Regal, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Vs Christian, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, MVP & R-Truth – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

HENRY starting this match . He wants a piece of Orton!

Team Orton on the apron all try to attack Henry and he wipes them all out.

And then behind the referee’s back, they attack him again and Orton lands the RKO and Henry is gone . I miss Henry. Team Kofi only has Christian now who is worth a damn.

R-Truth is quickly despatched and I’m a little happy . Still miss Henry .

CHRISTIAN~! Did Christian and Punk have any singles matches?

Christian is awesome early on, realising he’s about to be send into the opposite team corner, and manages to counter Punk and get back to the middle of the ring where he’s safe from potential cheap shots!

Teddy is eliminated by Christian!!! And the moment that happens, Regal rolls in and decks Christian with a running elbow .

Urgh, Kofi tagged in.

He and Regal go back and forth, but MVP makes a blind tag and comes in to eliminate Regal . WHY ALL THE GOOD GUYS GETTING ELIMINATED FIRST?!?! If Christian is next amma be majorly pissed.

Phew, MVP is next to go. But now I remember how this match goes, and I’m sad again .

KILLSWITCH~! Cody Rhodes is done! Down to 2 on 2; Kofi & Christian Vs Punk & Orton!

KILLSWITCH TO ORTON~! But Punk actually BREAKS UP A PIN and an RKO later sees Christian eliminated .

Kofi was getting a pretty huge push at the time. He had that whole “MSG moment” as well as destroying Orton’s car and whatnot. But feuding with Orton would end up ruining his career and… and I kinda wanna thank Orton for that .

Punk and Kofi, two good friends and travel buddies in real life, have a stare down for… no real reason before getting into the action.

Some decent exchanges between the two friends, but then the match slows down as Punk applies some rest holds. Meanwhile, Orton is on the floor acting more like a manager rather than a tag partner…

Kingston eliminates Punk eventually, then immediately decks Orton with Trouble in Paradise and eliminates Orton to win the match!!!

This was ok, but gots nothing on the opening tag.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

The Undertaker Vs The Big Show Vs Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Championship Match

This match taking place allowed the first EVER one on one meeting between Jericho and Undertaker to take place during the build up. Oh, and I just so happened to be there live . Happened the same night as the epic Christian Vs Regal ECW title match too . That was one hell of a night!!!

Show and Jericho are tag champions at this time still. Show was given a title shot for his actions at Bragging Rights; costing Team Raw the match and letting Smackdown win. But, since Jericho got the pinfall in that tag, he also got a title shot tonight!

Man, there truly is NOTHING like being in the arena for Undertaker’s entrance. It’s magnificent on TV, but just so damn special in person. So glad I was finally able to experience it about 2 weeks prior to this show. And Undertaker having the WHC at the same time was icing on the cake. With current wrestling really not doing anything for me aside from Undertaker’s current feud with Lesnar, I have more belief now than I ever have, that once Undertaker retires, I will likely stop watching wrestling. Current wrestling, anyway.

We get the classic Jericho/Fan moment in this match with a fan telling Jericho to “go back to Toronto” to which Jericho replies “I’m from Winnipeg, you idiot!!!” .

Well this match plays out exactly as you would expect at the start; JeriShow double team Undertaker while Undertaker does whatever he can to not only survive, but also get some big offence in.

Again, like I’ve mentioned before in these 09 Rambles, I have to laugh thinking of all the “reports” of Undertaker being in bad shape and injured or whatever… but I challenge ANYONE to show me where he looks out of shape or injured in this match. He is taking bumps, getting beat down by 2 guys, and while the traditional triple threat formula sees 2 guys battle with one guy outside on the floor, Undertaker is almost always one of the guys in the ring.

Jericho has Undertaker locked in the Walls of Jericho for a good while, and just as everyone thinks he’s gonna tap out, Big Show gets back into the ring and takes out his partner!!!

Time for some Undertaker Vs Big Show stuff . Their 08 feud was awesome, and it did continue into early 09 as well, and nice to see it coming back a little here.

JERICHO DECKS BIG SHOW WITH THE WHC BY MISTAKE~!

LAST RIDE TO JERICHO~! But Jericho steals a page from HHH’s book at WM 17, picking up the WHC with him and decking Undertaker in the head!!!

1…

2…

NEW CHAMPION… NO!!!

Jericho tries to go for a Tombstone . Undertaker reverses, but turns into a KNOCKOUT PUNCH~!

Jericho and Big Show break up a couple of pin attempts from each other, and start to go at it!

Big Show is in control and looking to take out his old rival, but he makes the mistake of taunting Undertaker first, allowing the Dead Man to lock in Hells Gate!!!

Big Show taps!!!

Undertaker retains the WHC is a really good triple theat match!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox, Layla & Jillian Vs Mickie James, Gail Kim, Melina, Eve & Kelly Kelly – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

Since I only like about… 2 people in this match, I’ll skip it.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – WWE Championship Match

Both major titles matches on this show were defended in triple threat matches with the 2 challengers being tag team partners. Show and Jericho tried their best to remain together until the end of the match, and here? Well… HBK had a different idea .

HBK and Cena get to go back and forth for a good while without HHH, and HBK Vs Cena is typically always good .

Cena tries to AA HBK through the table, but HHH makes the save!!! Aaaaand then spinebusts Shawn through the table . YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!!!

Well now we get HHH Vs Cena which… is VERY hit and miss compared to HBK Vs Cena .

Still, I guess it’s better than HHH Vs HBK .

After a time of HHH Vs Cena, we do of course get HHH Vs HBK.

Not really got much to say about this match. Nothing horrible is happening, in fact it’s been a fun match but… there hasn’t really been anything worth saying without me resorting to typing out every single move .

One thing that IS horrible though, is Matt Striker’s commentary. Sometimes I really like the guy… other times I wanna shoot him. On the one hand is IS knowledgeable and it can add to matches, plus he does sound like he’s genuinely having fun out there. And then that usually devolves into him TRYING to make sure we know he’s a fan at heart, and ends up being a regular old smark who somehow got on commentary lol.

SUBMISSIONS~!

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!

But HBK is hurt and falls out of the ring, while HHH falls on Cena!!!

1…2… KICK OUT!!!

AA~!

EVERYONE IS DEAD~!

Crazy awesome finishing stretch with everyone countering finishers and shit before HHH gets superkicked and Cena retains the title!

Good match .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

 

Bragging Rights 2009

 

For ONE HOUR I will have to sit through Orton Vs Cena. If I make it, I will indeed have BRAGGING RIGHTS!!!

 

The Miz Vs John Morrison – Smackdown Vs Raw Bragging Rights Match

The Jiz is the US champ. Also, I apparently didn’t remember that this show was a “best of 3” for Bragging Rights lol. I just thought it was the winner of the big 7 Vs 7 tag match, but nope. Gotta win 2 out of 3 matches tonight, with the 7 Vs 7 being one of them.

Oh, I’m not watching this. Miz wins for Raw though.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Oh yey a backstage segment between Truth and Rhodes. This will be interesting…

 

Michelle McCool, Natalya & Beth Phoenix Vs Melina, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim – Smackdown Vs Raw Bragging Rights Match

Fuck me. Skipping this one too. Team Smackdown win of course. Melina, KK and Gail Kim are Team Smackdown btw .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Backstage we are in TEAM RAW’S LOCKER ROOM. DX pretty much bury their entire team . Well done, guys.

 

The Undertaker Vs CM Punk Vs Rey Mysterio Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Undertaker Vs 3 other guys he has incredible chemistry with!!!

This also happens to be the match that starts the “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND” feud with Batista and Mysterio .

The Undertaker is fucking up EVERYONE early on. Well, everyone fucks up Punk because he’s a prick, but once he’s out of the way, Undertaker rolls through Batista and Mysterio until Punk comes back in to try and put a stop to the domination of the DEAD MAN.

LAST RIDE~! Mysterio is about to come crashing down, but his friend Batista SPEARS Undertaker instead! Then they tease Batista and Rey going at it, but of course it doesn’t happen yet.

GTS~!

HELLS GATE~!

LAST RIDE~!

Batista and Undertaker throwback to 07 by punching each other in the face repeatedly .

CHOKESLAM~!

Once again though Punk breaks up the count, something he seems to be doing well here tonight.

I remember around this time in 09 that reports were always coming out every week about Undertaker not being 100% etc etc and people complaining about him being champion… yet he NEVER showed any signs of injury in his matches, and despite being in a lot of multiman matches during his reign, he was ALWAYS in the thick of it, and still took some crazy bumps. So in other words, FUCK THE HATERS.

BATISTA BOMB~!

1…2…

MYSTERIO BREAKS UP THE COUNT~!

Batista is fucking PISSED and his friend Rey, and pie faces him out of the ring!

Mysterio tries to get back into the match, but Batista just LAUNCHES him over the ropes and onto Punk. Batista turns around right into a TOMBSTONE, and The Undertaker retains his title in a really fun fast paced 4 way match!!!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Josh Matthews tries to interview Batista and Mysterio after the match… but all it does is add fuel to the fire and Batista kills Rey AGAIN .

 

Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Mark Henry, The Big Show, Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes & Kofi Kingston Vs Chris Jericho, Kane, Finlay, Matt Hardy, Tyson Kidd, David Hart Smith & R-Truth – Smackdown Vs Raw Bragging Rights Match

Team Raw is fucking STACKED… while Team SD is a bit iffy outside of a couple of names . And the funny thing is that Team SD was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT until a few days ago . Yeah, they had all of Team SD aside from Kane and Jericho (co-team captains) go up against the guys now in the match to decide who was better. I saw the clips of that earlier in the show… and there was one guy in the match that I didn’t even fucking recognise .

Kane should never wear a blue SD vest ever again. He just… doesn’t suit normal clothes .

Fuck me, Big Show just RAN OVER Kane.

SWAGGER TIME~! He tries to taunt Kane and gets an uppercut for his troubles.

Swagger and Matt in the ring together . Reminds me of the fun times at ECW .

Charles Robinson is the bravest referee of them all, getting in between FOURTEEN MEN who wanna kill each other lol.

Hardy and Matt in the ring together . MOAR ECW memories .

Matt tries to make a tag, but Henry grabs one of his arms and fucking slings him back into the Raw corner like Matt weighed fuck all.

HBK TIME~! Did we ever, at any time, get a HBK Vs Matt singles match? Because fuck me that is something I’d LOVE to see. Or… would have done about 6 years ago…

FINLAY VS HBK . This match is just giving me tons of different match ups that I either loved when they happened or would love to have happened at some point . Having so much fun here .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC to FINLAY!!! But David Hart Smith got a blind tag and with Kidd, they hit the HART ATTACK out of nowhere and very nearly put away the Show Stoppa!!!

Nice that HBK is playing the FIP. Perfect guy to do it in this match for sure.

Hot tag to THE GAME, and HHH begins to stack up Team Smackdown with SPINEBUSTERS until Kane chokeslams him straight to hell!!!

Urgh, Kofi Kingston gets into the match for the first time. Was kinda hoping he’d go the entire match without being tagged in .

CHAOS~! Now everyone is getting into the match and taking someone out one after the other!!!

Big Show and Kofi are left standing for Team Raw… but Show CHOKESLAMS KOFI, knocks out HHH and leaves Jericho to pick up the win for Team Smackdown!!!

Very happy with this one . Tons, and I mean TONS of fun. Finlay kicking HHH out of the ring at the end is .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Cody attacks Kofi backstage for being a LOSER. I approve.

 

Randy Orton Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Anything Falls Count Anywhere Goes 60 Minute Iron Man Match

SAVE ME JEBUS~!

Also, if Cena loses, he leaves Raw.

So, at least WWE decided to make this anything goes and FCA, because an hour of these two trying to have a normal wrestling match likely wouldn’t go very well . The stipulations let them try and be creative and hopefully be entertaining for the full hour. And there is a 30 second interval between falls as well… because WWE apparently didn’t think they could go the full hour without some rests .

3 minutes in and I’m already bored.

4 minutes in and Cena gets a win already. Orton taps out as quick as possible to the STFU to avoid any long term damage.

And now we wait for 30 seconds while they stare at each other…

Dear commentators, please stop telling us Bret/HBK Iron Man was a classic. It wasn’t. It was awful.

RKO, Orton gets a fall too.

And now they decide to use some weapons too. TV monitor to Cena plus a mic to the head, but Cena doesn’t stay down.

Cena is BLEEDING. No blood in THREE HELL IN A CELL MATCHES at the last PPV… but Iron Man? BLOOD~!

Cena decides that taking a beating and bleeding means nothing and fires back up like nothing is wrong, and then hits the AA but is countered into an RKO and… both men get a win?

Ok, so Cena has been beaten up. His head is BLEEDING. He’s taking head shots from a mic, tv monitor and steel steps. His AA was countered into an RKO… but HE is the one to get back up first, and manages to hit Orton with an AA FROM THE ROPES to get another fall?

While the 30 seconds is counting down, LEGACY show up and attack Cena, allowing Orton to get another fall straight away. 3-3 now. Yey…

Kofi shows up to chase off Legacy with a chair.

22 minutes down. 38 left. I wanna cry.

They fight on the outside, and end up at the pyro area, where Orton smashes Cena onto the control pad and a bunch of fireworks go off… ORTON HAS A PLAN!!!

Orton throws Cena into some lights, which also explode, and Orton is up 1 fall!

So while Cena is trying to crawl to safety, Orton starts pressing buttons again to see what does what. Why? HE TRIES TO BLOW UP CENA . They should have made this an exploding death match instead .

Well, sitting through 30 minutes of the match so far was totally worth it for that moment .

awesome spot with the steel steps. Orton throws them, and Cena lets them land on his head and bounce off .

IT’S ALMOST A BLESSING THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME THESE TWO WILL FACE EACH OTHER~! Lawler shooting right there . Just a shame IT WAS A LIE. And they would face each other again. In more shitty fucking matches. FUCK YOU WWE.

ROLL UP OUTTA NOWHERE~! Cena ties it at 4-4, and Orton is furious .

Hangman DDT from the apron to the floor, and it’s 5-4 for Orton.

You know what’s awesome? SUPER MARIO MAKER . I may have been playing it at certain periods of time during this match .

Things have REALLY slowed down now, and holy fuck is it dull .

I swear for about a 10 minute period, the only moves done are punches and stomps. And mostly from Orton. Who is a horrible puncher.

Yey now they are punching each other in the crowd.

Cena throws Orton through the barricade, and it looks REALLY GOOD because it almost seemed like it wasn’t supposed to break lol.

AA off the steps through the announce table. Cena is building momentum and destroying Orton at the same time. And he needs to because we have less than 10 minutes left and it’s currently tied at 5-5!

5 minutes left and Cena decides to be a retard and puts himself through a table. *slow clap*

they do a back and forth punch spot, but most of the fans are booing both men rather than getting a “yey” “boo” thing going .

Just under 3 minutes left and we get a ref bump .

RKO~! Oh but the referee is dead. Shocking.

Another referee shows up but Cena kicks out. So Orton attacks the new referee. Leaving no referee again. So Orton still won’t be able to get another fall if he wanted to. Smart…

If you were to take a shot every time one of the commentators called this one of the greatest rivalries ever… you’d be drunk enough to get through this match.

A minute left and Orton is stuck in the STFU.

10 seconds left…

ORTON TAPS OUT with 5 seconds left. Cena wins 6-5.

IT’S OVER!!! I DID IT!!! I MADE IT!!! I SAT THROUGH ONE FUCKING HOUR OF CENA VS ORTON!!!

Well, it’s not the worst Iron Man match… Bret Vs HBK still holds that accolade… but boy is this not good.

Rating: *3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4