Author: Big Cal

ECW December to Dismember 2006

So this is one of the lowest selling PPV’s in WWE history, and is widely regarded as one of the worst PPV’s of all time too. We all know the story of Paul Heyman’s plans for the show and how things were changed against his wishes which essentially caused him to leave the company for 6 years. But is the show REALLY that bad? Was it worth quitting over? I remember sod all about this one, including the matches as only 2 were announced prior to the event, and they still only advertise those 2 matches on the actual DVD cover! As well as advertising WM 23 too. Which is odd. Seriously, look at the back cover of the DVD. Bottom right… WM 23 logo.

MNM Vs The Hardy Boys

I love the 4 way ladder match that takes place at Armageddon a few weeks after this that involves both teams, and I love their RR tag match as well. So I’m expecting this to be good at the very least.

Fuck me, did Jeff get fucking FAT in 06 and I didn’t notice? Oh wait, might have been the IC belt, he had it under his t-shirt LOL. Shame Matt couldn’t use that same excuse in a couple of years time…

SHE’S A CRACK WHORE chants at Melina, which she responds to with a very loud scream. That’ll teach those fake ECW fans!

LOL at MNM trying to do the Hardy’s schtick in the ring. Poetry in Motion looks terrible :P. Thankfully we are saved from an attempted Twist of Fate and Swanton combination. lmao at the ECW chants because they do some high flying moves. The fake ECW fans don’t even know WHY they should chant ECW lmao.

Thing I liked most about this match was the teased finish with the Hardy’s showing MNM how POM is done correctly, then go for the TOF + Swanton combination… only for Nitro to drag Mercury out of the ring and Jeff crashes and burns!

Match is really like 2 matches in one, due to having 2 FIP sections to it. The first one is average as hell, with Matt being FIP, and MNM really not doing a damn thing to make their work over portion of the match look good.

Then we go into the second match, after the crash and burn of Jeff, and this time he takes a beating, and MNM actually do a good job at controlling. They work over Jeff’s back nicely, which was the smart thing to do given the fact Jeff just missed the Swanton.

Great teamwork from MNM, and come cool double team moves to continue to hurt Jeff’s back too.

After the hot tag, we get Matt and Jeff attempting… something that ends up with Nitro hitting a hurricanrana from the ropes to Jeff… but the whole set up looked terrible and confusing and awkward and fuck lol.

Finishing stretch has some sweet false finishes, before the Hardy’s finally get the win.

Overall… mostly really good, but take the first 10 minutes off the match and it could have been great. Still prefer their RR encounter, but hey, a good match on DTD!

Rating: ***1/4 – 2

Matt Striker Vs Balls Mahoney

Oh sweet jebus this looks terrible on paper. Striker has a picture of his head on his arse. Yeah. So this is apparently a “Striker’s Rules” match. No eye gouging. No hair pulling. No moves off the top rope. And no foul language. Yawn.

Well huh, this isn’t actually that bad. They do some nice shit at the start with Balls surprising people, mainly Striker, by actually “wrestling” instead of brawling (not really sure why, because let’s face it, hair pulling and eye gouging isn’t a big part of brawling lol). Then they go to lock up and for some reason, Balls randomly (and I do mean randomly, as he has NO REASON IN THE SLIGHTEST) looks away allowing Striker to deck him in the face and from there he does some nifty arm work. Did kinda lol at Striker essentially doing a back bump onto Ball’s arm at one point though. Looked a little dumb :P.

Then Balls wins. Seems a little out of nowhere, but whatever. Mostly a fun match, which surprised me.

Rating: **1/2 – 1

Backstage Sabu is on the floor not moving. So it’s already better than any of his matches. BULLSHIT chants from the fans.

Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay Vs Little Guido Maritato & Tony Mamaluke

I smell a squash match! And I hope to jebus it is. I don’t wanna see any of these guys wrestler each other for very long. I like Nunzio (Guido), but fuck, everyone else in this match can GO TO HELL.

Remember Trinity in the WWE? Well she was there for like a second or two.

I wish this match was only here for a second or two. Lasts far longer than it should have, and it was fucking terrible. Not even a squash either. Go away please.

Rating: DUD – 0

Davari Vs Tommy Dreamer

Urgh. I’m starting to realise why they didn’t announce anything other than the tag match and EC. Nobody in their right fucking mind would have ordered this show knowing the matches lmao. Ok, so hardly anyone ordered not knowing them, but still… not knowing left some wonder and the potential for some good matches.

90% of this match is just Divari applying a sleeper hold to Dreamer. Khali gets sent to the back early on. Divari wins by cheating. I feel cheated by watching this.

Khali murders Dreamer at the end. Yey.

Rating: DUD – 0

Paul Heyman replaces the injured Sabu with Harcore Holly in the Elimination Chamber match.

Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly Vs Kevin Thorn & Ariel

MIKE KNOX. He doesn’t seem as big as he is now, and he doesn’t have the beard. So he probably sucks. Speaking of sucks; Kelly Kelly. She wishes Punk good luck in the EC match later tonight.

Do people still have a hard on for Kevin Thorn? I remember everyone creaming over his Mordecai gimmick, then creaming again over the Thorn “Vampire” gimmick too, and then of course raging because he got released. Even though he fucking sucked. And not in the Vampire way. Or Kelly Kelly way. Well, in one of the Kelly Kelly ways. She sucks on multiple levels. I’m saying she sucks a lot of cock and is a terrible wrestler. Which one is Thorn? Terrible wrestler, obviously. As far as I know anyway. Not that it matters, but I don’t think he does. Suck cock, that is. He definitely sucks as a wrestler.

Is everyone but Kelly Kelly a heel in this match btw? Oh hello Ariel’s arse. What was I saying? Oh yeah this sucks. Mostly. Knox actually shows signs of being good. He isn’t “flying bear” good yet, but there are signs of potential.

After the guys try their best to not suck, they tag in the ladies, and lmao Kelly Kelly might be up there as one of the worst female wrestlers of all time. Ariel gets a pass because of that ass (yeah I said ass instead of arse, but I needed to for the rhyme to work so SHUT UP). That and she isn’t horrible either. Kelly kelly just needs to quit the business and… oh she did. Took far too long but she finally did.

lmao at Kelly’s reaction to Knox not accepting the tag and walking away, leaving Ariel to murder her.

Bad, bad match. Only redeming quality is that ARSE. Which makes it better than the last couple of matches.

For some reason The Sandman shows up to save Kelly Kelly. Because. That’s all I got.

Rating: 1/4* – 0

The Big Show Vs CM Punk Vs RVD Vs Hardcore Holly Vs Test Vs Bobby Lashley – ECW Title Extreme Elimination Chamber Match

What is an Extreme Elimination Chamber match you ask? An Elimination Chamber match but with WEAPONS. Wish they’d bring it back every now and then tbh. Spice things up a little.

Holly and RVD start this thing, which I guess is ok given that RVD sliced open Holly’s back with that table not too long ago so it gives them some time alone inside the chamber. Of course Heyman’s plan for the match was a lot better.

They do mostly good stuff together for the first 5 minutes, so nothing really to complain about here even with RVD in the ring lol. With the 5 minutes up, the first person out of a pod is… CM PUNK! Fans are firmly, FIRMLY behind the Second City Saint. But apparently popularity doesn’t mean anything in WWE… except if you are popular AND Vince likes you.

Sweeeeeet use of the chair that Punk brings in. Love the legdrop counter with it. RVD gets absolutely KILLED with the chair a couple of times. Holly catching Punk and swinging him into the side of the chamber makes me smile. Why? I’m not right in the head. But it looked cool.

Bah, things were looking good… and then Test entered. Hopefully he isn’t going to be fucking useless. He has a crowbar. So at least he can hit people with that rather than attempt to wrestle. lmao in less than a minute Test is down and nearly out. Ahhh fuck. CM Punk is eliminated first. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. That’s what I’m chanting right now. The fans aren’t though. They loved Punk at the start, but since he was eliminated by an ECW Original its ok apparently. So Punk is gone. Guess that was sticking it to Heyman. “Oh, you want CM Punk to win? ELIMINATED FIRST!”

Test boots Holly in the face… ref counts to 2… everyone is confused and Holly is eliminated. Well done Test. First move you’ve hit that wasn’t a weapon shot and you managed to fuck up. He makes up for it at least by hitting an elbow drop off the top of a pod to RVD who has a steel chair on him! Bye bye RVD. Oh, NOW the fans chant BULLSHIT? But not when Punk was eliminated? THAT is Bullshit.

Lashley is is out next, so we get Lashley with a table Vs Test. OH HOW EXCITING. The Basham Brothers aka Heyman’s private security attack the referee on the outside and prevent the pod from getting unlocked. SO how does he get out? HE BREAKS THROUGH THE STEEL CHAIN ROOF WITH A WOODEN TABLE.

Test gets mauled. Lashley spears him. And he have a full minute with Lashley ON HIS OWN IN THE RING lmao. So how does Lashley fill time? HE THROWS THE TABLE AT BIG SHOW’S POD lmao.

Show finally gets into the match and he has a barbed wire baseball bat. Lashley has a chair as a shield. The bat gets stuck in the chain, and for some reason the referee gets it loose…

Lashley throws Big Show through a pod, so how does Show respond? By smashing himself through the other side lmao. TAKE THAT LASHLEY!

Lashley wins. And goes on to have an absolutely dire title reign that also results in Vince McMahon holding the title.

Match overall isn’t bad. Far from it. Plenty of good here, but there is also some stupid shit too. Punk being eliminated first. Test fucking up a PIN FALL. Lashley in general. Enough to stop it being a great match, but not enough to stop me from liking it quite a bit.

Rating: *** – 2

CAL SCALE OVERALL – 5

5 points overall on the CAL SCALE isn’t exactly good… but there are still some events far worse than this. A handful of RR and WM events are worse than this show. Just a shame that really, outside of the opening tag and the main event there isn’t anything worth seeing. Balls/Striker might not be bad, but I wouldn’t recommend anyone go out and watch it.