WrestleMania 31 PPV Ramble

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WrestleMania 31

IT’S WRESTLEMANIA PLAY BUTTON!!! Actually gonna watch/ramble on the pre-show matches this time too. First time ever I think. I normally don’t even bother watching it lol. BUT, the official CAL SCALE score for WM will go by JUST the actual WM matches. I’ll probably show both at the end though.

 

Cesaro & Tyson Kidd Vs Los Matadores Vs The Usos Vs The New Day – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Cesaro and Kidd are accompanied to the ring by NATTIE’S TITS. Holy Jebus lol.

Cesaro and Kofi start off, then one of the Los Matadores tags himself in, so Cesaro leaves and… takes out an Uso :lmao. Apparently he was already injured coming into the match so, that explains that :p.

How AWFUL is the current “tag division” right now? This is what we’re stuck with.

:lmao Woods is on the outside trying to motivate Kofi by smacking on the ring apron, and the fans are chanting “New. Day sucks!” to the beat :lmao.

SUPERKICKS~! Guess he has to do more than usual since he’s on his own now (Jimmy Uso, obviously). Though fuck knows what he’s gonna do for the rest of the match since he’s used up his whole 1 move.

:lmao as I wrote that… HE HIT ANOTHER SUPERKICK :lmao. He has quite literally RUN OUT OF MOVES :lmao.

Thought they were gonna do a lame as fuck tower of doom spot because apparently when you have more than just 2 tag teams in a match, that spot MUST be done. It’s like, mandatory. They’d probably get fined if they didn’t do it. Instead, they change things up and everyone does their own little spot and it’s somewhat fun :).

SHARPSHOOTER TO THE MIDGET BULL~!

:lmao Los Matadores do a switch twin spot, but the referee can apparently tell the difference between them and refuses to count :lmao.

:lmao MOAR SUPERKICKS~!

EVERYONE EXCEPT CESARO HAS HIT A SUPERKICK AT LEAST ONCE IN THIS MATCH :lmao.

Oh hey, here’s the tower of doom spot. Told ya they’d get fined if they didn’t do it.

Well, thankfully Cesaro and Kidd retain the titles. Best choice because everyone else is just awful.

Some fun stuff here… but I’m glad it was on the pre-show and not the proper show because it was just a spotty move-fest and nothing else.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

AXELMANIA is… eliminated first. By everyone. Didn’t see that coming…

Is that KENTA in the match (I forget what his NXT name is, hence me not using it. I’m not one of those people who refuses to call someone by their new name or anything lame :side: )?

ITAMI. There we go. Thanks Cole. He won some tournament over WM weekend.

HOLY FUCK JBL FINALLY SPEAKS SENSE. He actually said that Big Show is NOT a favourite because despite his size, he has NEVER WON A BATTLE ROYAL. About time someone brought that up.

HOW DID ALEX RILEY GET IN THIS MATCH??!? :lmao

:lmao Ryder eliminated like a jobber by Bo Dallas who runs around the ring screaming “I DID IT”, gets back in the ring, and gets kicked out by Itami.

BIG SHOW VS KENTA :mark:. That could actually be a good match. Show as the monster heel, and Itami working as the underdog. Kinda like how he did against TENRYU that one time. At least, so I’ve heard. Don’t think I’ve ever seen the match myself.

Well, there goes Itami. And a bunch of other people.

HENRY IS ELIMINATED… by who? The fucking Ascension? What a load of shit.

Well guess my prediction of SHEAMUS winning this thing ain’t happening unless he’s allowed to show up at the end :p. So he’s most likely, apparently, to interfere in the ladder match? God I hope he doesn’t cost Bryan the IC title.

:lmao didn’t even realise Swagger was in this match :lmao. First time I’ve seen him, and he was sat in the corner hiding before getting eliminated :lmao. THANKS FOR COMING.

:mark: BIG SHOW HANGING ON LIKE RR 2009 :mark:. He fucking MURDERS The New Day and single handily eliminates them :mark:.

:lmao Cole doesn’t know which Uso is which. He claims Jimmy got hurt earlier, so Jay is the one in the ring. Then realises it was Jay that got hurt.

Ahhh shit, Goldust is gone :(.

Oh hey Kane is here. The fuck has he been hiding? And how does someone that big hide?

Cesaro eliminates Kane in the same way he beat Big Show last year. Then he sets his sights on doing it to Show again :mark:. Maybe Cesaro can win it again and actually benefit from it this year? :p

Nah, Cesaro is gone. Actually, losing might help him more than winning :lmao.

THE FINAL 3. Big Show Vs Miz and Mizdow. Oh god Mizdow is winning, isn’t he?

At least it seems like Mizdow is turning on Miz for good. When they split up and have their little feud, I want Jiz to become the Marty Jannetty of their team. Same for Sandow tbh. Fuck em both.

I like how Big Show just stands in the corner for like 5 minutes while Jiz and Sandow argue.

MIZ IS ELIMINATED BY SANDOW~!

Big Show wants a hug. Sandow attacks him instead. What a cunt. He’s probably gonna make Big Show cry now. Just what we need…

:lmao gotta say though, this is one of the more fun finishing stretches for a battle royal. Some fun teased eliminations including Sandow biting Show’s hand when he tries to hold on to the ropes :lmao.

IT’S BENOIDOW~! He tries to use the same tactic as Benoit from the 04 RR. And then gets eliminated.

HOLY SHIT BIG SHOW ACTUALLY WON. HE’S MADE HIS (FAKE) DADDY PROUD~!

Well I enjoyed this :).

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Bad News Barrett Vs Dean Ambrose Vs Daniel Bryan Vs Stardust Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs R-Truth Vs Luke Harper – WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Daniel Bryan opens yet another WM. I just hope Sheamus doesn’t fuck him over like he did a couple of years ago :side:.

So APPARENTLY the reason Bryan isn’t being pushed in the main event scene since his return is because WWE aren’t sure on the condition of his neck still. It could just be a short term fix, similar to what Angle kept having for years. So their solution? PUT HIM IN A LADDER MATCH~! *FACE. PALM.*

Right, time to get this clusterfuck match out of the way. I just hope nobody gets seriously hurt, and they can try and give us something more than SPOTS~!

30 seconds into this match and everyone is diving over the ropes onto everyone else. *sigh*

I think Ziggler just landed on a ladder balls first. Not sure if I should laugh at him or feel sorry for him.

:lmao

I laughed.

Stardust has his own glitter ladder. Bad News Barrett breaks it and beats the fuck out of Stardust with a broken rung :lmao. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that in a ladder match :).

Urgh, that fucking “swing the ladder” spot. Harper set the ladder up for that BEFORE ANYONE ELSE WAS EVEN IN THE RING. So he was basically waiting and hoping everyone else would run in at him so the spot would work. I. HATE. LADDER. MATCHES.

Oh look, a ladder set up in the ring NOWHERE NEAR THE BELT. Bet that won’t be used for a spot.

OMG SHOCK IT WAS USED FOR A SPOT.

Well, Ambrose just killed the Jawbreaker Lariat. Two AWFUL set ups and executions.

Well, Ambrose just died. Powerbomb out of the ring through a ladder that was… set up for that spot at some point in time.

Is Harper bleeding or is his tank top just in character by being dirty? Can’t get a good enough look at him to find out :lmao.

Where is Bryan? I don’t remember the last time I saw him.

Oh there he is. He just got knocked off the ladder. Bet that’s good for his neck!

KNEE TO BARRETT’S FACE~! Should be an improvement.

Ziggler and Bryan battling on top of the ladder. God, if Ziggler wins this then I’ll… I’LL COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET.

A bazzillion headbutts later and Bryan wins. At least the match did one thing right.

Didn’t like this at all. Garbage. Fucking garbage.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Seth Rollins Vs Randy Orton

So are they getting all the old Shield members out of the way early on so when Reigns comes out for the main event, nobody remembers how much better they were than him? :p

Seth tried to kill Orton 4 months ago. Orton returned, pretended to be friends then tried to murder Seth. And this match starts like any other basic match from Raw and SD. Well done you morons.

Did… did Orton just no sell the turnbuckle powerbomb? Or was he meant to like, counter it?

DOUBLE APRON DDT TO J&J. Randy has showed more aggression towards the security than Seth. Does nobody know how to have a fucking FIGHT any more? This should be a BLOOD FEUD. Only without the blood because PG and whatnot. But still. LOOK LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER DAMMIT.

I’m bored. THIS IS FUCKING BORING. I know I’m not a wrestler. I’ve never been in the ring. I’ve not done any training. I’m a fan. I’m a “smark”. I talk about wrestling on the internet. So my opinion on the matter means less than dog shit to actual wrestlers. But even so, I just want to say to Seth and Randy… YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. Sorry, but I could put together a better match than this. For starters it would make sense given the build up and feud going into the match. Hmmm… I wonder how much is their fault and how much is the agent’s fault? Either way, whoever put this match together should have simply said “FUCKING FIGHT”. That’s what this match needed to be and SHOULD have been. Instead it’s a cold match we would expect to see on Raw for no real reason.

DID YOU KNOW? We’ve had a Superkick in EVERY MATCH so far tonight. Both pre-show matches, and now both main card matches.

RKO~! I’ll be honest, I thought the match was ending there. Would have been a random and flat ending to what so far has been a random and flat match. Instead, 2 matches into the show, and we have a finisher kick out. Not sure which is worse. Kicking out of a finisher this early into the show, or if the match would have ended there while the match was still dull and flat.

CURBSTOMP~! And now Orton kicks out. Can we BAN finisher kick outs please? PLEASE?

Well. That RKO was actually fucking AWESOME.

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Meanwhile, the rest of the match was SHIT.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Sting

:lmao this is happening now? Well, better for Sting to have his entrance in the day time than Undertaker :p. Though HHH’s entrance could probably have done with being in the dark too. Guess we’ll see. He’s gonna be THE TERMINATOR apparently. I hope Sting brings out ROBOCOP.

:lmao WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT FOR STING’S ENTRANCE? :lmao

Ok, come on HHH. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, but your entrance at least has potential to be good :).

:mark: A BUNCH OF TERMINATORS ON STAGE :mark:. STING HAS BEEN MARKED FOR TERMINATION :mark:. TERMINATOR THEME :mark:

:lmao it started off good and then… HHH appeared :lmao.

Capture
:lmao that just looks SHIT :lmao.

I was expecting him to come out like, in the leather jacket and shit like Arnie, not like THAT :lmao.

Gotta love how HHH essentially got a face entrance. WHO CAN BOO THE FUCKING TERMINATOR?!?! WCW just got buried again 8*D.

Ok, let’s see if this match is gonna be good or a trainwreck. PLEASE don’t be a trainwreck. I WANT this to be good. PLEASE BE GOOD.

Sting looks in shape. For Sting.

CROTCH CHOP to Sting. And once again HHH getting a pop from the crowd. LOL. HE’S A GREAT HEEL.

:lmao a “you still got it” chant towards Sting :lmao.

Ya know, I never thought I’d get the chance to shit on STING during a WWE PPV Ramble :). Feels… good :).

Sting’s face is already starting to fade away. Sting looks KNACKERED already. He’s old so he gets a bit of a pass. But he’s also Sting so he doesn’t get that much of a pass from me 8*D.

STINGER SPLASH~! HHH MOVED~! STING SPLASHED THE BARRICADE~!

Sting can lay around on the floor for most of the match now while HHH beats him down. Awww, HHH doing something nice for the OAP :).

:lmao great camera shot. Sting with half his face paint worn away, and a big bald spot on top of his head, as he’s on the floor at HHH’s feet.

REST HOLD~! Sting has never been so happy in his life.

SCORPION DEATH LOCK~!

DX MUSIC~!

ROAD DOGG, BILLY GUNN AND X-PAC~!

THIS IS A NO DQ MATCH~! WHY AM I ONLY FINDING THIS OUT NOW?

OH SHIT STING JUMPED OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO DX ON THE FLOOR~!

OLD MEN EVERYWHERE~!

PEDIGREE~!

And of course Sting kicks out. Gotta have DEM FINISHER KICK OUTS.

Hai Sledgy the Sledgehammer :).

THE NWO~!

Are… are they here to help Sting? Or destroy Sting? Didn’t they hate Sting and WCW?

:lmao DX Vs NWO :lmao.

STING FROM BEHIND~! SCORPION DEATH DROP~!

:lmao HHH kicks out :lmao.

:lmao the NWO are actually here to help Sting :lmao.

Scorpion Death Lock applied. HHH reaches for the Sledgehammer, but Hogan drags it out of the ring. And then DX and NWO get into it again. HALL TAKES A BACK BODY DROP ON THE FLOOR~! I think that might be the most impressive thing of the match so far lol.

So, where is HBK in all this? WE NEED A SUPERKICK TO KEEP THE STREAK GOING!!!

:lmao I swear I didn’t know that was coming, but SECONDS AFTER I WROTE THAT, HBK showed up and Superkicked Sting :lmao. EVERY MATCH SO FAR HAS HAD A SUPERKICK :lmao.

And of course Sting kicks out. FINISHING MOVES DON’T WORK AT WRESTLEMANIA.

BAT VS SLEDGEHAMMER~!

Bat wins.

STINGER SPLASH~!

STINGER SPLASH COUNTERED WITH SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE~!

HHH WINS~!

:lmao TRIPLE H WINS :lmao.

:lmao

:lmao

:lmao

This. Was. HILARIOUS. And not in a good way. An overbooked clusterfuck match with Sting and WCW once again getting buried :lmao. WHY DID STING AGREE TO THIS?!?! :lmao

THEN THEY SHAKE HANDS? WHAT? WHY? HOW? WHEN? WHERE? WHOSEIT? WHATSIT? WHAAA?

:lmao

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Bunch of IC champs of the past suck Bryan’s cock. Steamboat says the ladder match was up there with his match against Savage :lmao. Then Flair comes along to WOO and chop Steamboat :lmao. Bret Hart shows up. Then they all start chanting YES! :lmao. I don’t know if that was a good segment for Bryan or not lol.

 

Some apparent well known singers show up to do something. NEVER heard of any of them. Aaaaand skipping ahead :). I look forward to the DVD/Bluray release where they cut the segment out entirely :).

 

AJ Lee & Paige Vs Brie & Nikki Bella

Paige and AJ win.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The HOF’ers for 2015 come out. OH MY GOD THAT ULTIMATE WARRIOR STATUE IS TERRIFYING. WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIS FACE?!?!

 

Rusev Vs John Cena – WWE United States Championship Match

:lmao big video package putting over DA US OF A which gets a great reaction from the fans. Then Cena follows it and gets booed and “John Cena Sucks” chants. Ahhh, gotta love it :).

Been a while since I watched Rocky IV. No idea why I thought of that :side:.

Fuck me, we’re barely 2 minutes into this match and we’ve already had Rusev standing over Cena with the Russian flag, and Cena going through his 5 moves of doom and teasing an AA. Surprised he didn’t hit it that early so we can have yet another finisher kick out at WM.

LET’S GO LANA chant :lmao.

This match has gone for last 5 minutes and they are wrestling it like they’ve already gone 20 and are having to go slow because they’re knackered.

SUPERKICK~! Shame the divas match didn’t have one of those.

YOU CAN’T BEAT ME JOHN CENA!!!

STF and… Lana randomly throws her show in the ring :lmao. The referee just kicks it out of the ring. Well, glad that happened…

What the… was that a… springboard Stunner?

Accolade locked in. The odds of Cena escaping? High. Very high.

Oh look, he did it. STF now. Looks painful. Gotta feel for Rusev in this hold, having to pretend it hurts even though it clearly looks like shit :p.

RUSEV JUST PLOUGHED INTO LANA~!

AA and Cena wins :lmao.

Fuck me, yet another boring shitty match at WM. Did everyone forget how to work a match? There was nothing to this. Just both men taking turns at hitting moves.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Almost seems like they are trying to kill time in hopes that it gets dark soon for Undertaker’s entrance :p. WM panel, pre-show clips, and then Steph and HHH cutting a promo in the ring. Gotta give it to HHH though, guy doesn’t look like he’s had any sort of match tonight. If only he didn’t. Just realised, no Sheamus yet. Is he gonna show up here? Seems like the right time. Though wasn’t he supposed to be a heel on his return? I don’t know any more. Guess he’ll show up on Raw. Urgh, Dwayne Johnson. Shouldn’t he be off filming FAST CARS AND EXPLOSIONS 23: THE SAME SHIT AS THE LAST 22?

 

:lmao they really ARE wasting time. Dwayne spends about 5 minutes on top of the ramp pacing up and down :lmao. And now he’s standing in the ring just hoping the fans will chant his name to kill even more time :lmao.

 

Doesn’t seem to be getting dark though. So this is a giant waste of time :lmao. This better not be setting up Rock Vs HHH for next year. HHH needs to stop putting himself in big feuds that nobody wants to see.

 

DID YOU KNOW? The Rock was born in the East Bay. Huh, I was born in a hospital.

 

OH MY GOD THIS SEGMENT SERIOUSLY IS NOT GOING TO END UNTIL IT GETS DARK. They just keep going on and on and on and on about absolutely NOTHING.

 

Rock stares down some… women… in the crowd. IT’S OVER 9000 t-shirt :mark:.

 

And yes, I know who she is. RONDA. I ain’t THAT out of touch when it comes to reality. I’ve seen her beat the shit out of women in like 20 seconds a few times. The fact she’s a DBZ fan interests me the most though :lmao. VEGETA~!

 

RONDA’S GONNA KILL YOU~!

 

They could have had the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal on the main card. But once again Rock takes up precious time with utter shit.

 

RONDA VS THE ROCK. I’d pay 9.99 for the Network for a month to see that match on PPV.

 

Why is HHH still there. HE’S DONE NOTHING FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES.

 

Aaaaand HHH is talking again. LET RONDA BEAT HIM UP. Bah, Rock attacks him instead. What a cunt. RONDA TAKES DOWN HHH :mark:. BREAK HIS ARM :mark:.

 

STEPHANIE VS RONDA~! Stephanie has officially lasted longer in the ring with Ronda than most trained MMM professionals 8*D.

 

This whole segment was POINTLESS. And boring. And shitty. And pointless. And shitty. And boring. And shitty. And pointless. And boring. And it’s still light, so it didn’t even do a good job wasting time :lmao.

 

The Undertaker Vs Bray Wyatt

:mark: THE RETURN OF THE UNDERTAKER :mark:.

Ummm… Bray? It’s light out still. WHY DO YOU HAVE A LANTERN? :p

FUCK ME WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?! ZOMBIE SCARECROWS. WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! *runs away screaming like a little girl… I MEAN LIKE A MAN*

I wonder if those are gonna replace the Druids when Bray takes over Undertaker’s role 8*D.

Well, here we go. UNDERTAKER TIME.

:lmao did we just hear the camera man coughing due to the smoke from ‘Taker’s entrance? :lmao

UNDERTAKER IS HERE :mark:.

Fuck me, he looks 10 years younger than he did last year lol. Must be the hair. He’s also dressed pretty similar to how he was when he returned at WM XX. Leather pants instead of his traditional wrestling tights.

:mark: UNDERTAKER.

BOOT TO THE FACE~! And here we go, the match is on!

OLD SCHOOL :mark:.

Well so far, other than being a little slower than 5 years ago, ‘Taker looks pretty damn FANTASTIC. No homo. Talking about his conditioning and ability to perform moves and take bumps.

APRON LEG DROP~!

:mark: SNAKE EYES. RUNNING BIG BOOT… COUNTERED WITH THAT CRAZY KAMIKAZE CROSS BODY THING HE DOES :mark:. Was hoping for that spot, but wasn’t sure if Undertaker would be in any condition to take the bump lol. Having Bray basically throw himself at you isn’t something to be taken lightly lol.

PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

… the fuck lol? Bray I *think* was trying to smash Undertaker’s skull into the ring post but… ended up just talking one of those classic Undertaker/Mankind knees first into the steel steps bump :lmao.

Undertaker is showing signs of not being what he once was, and Bray is methodically taking him apart and perhaps trying to take advantage of the fact last year Undertaker suffered the concussion.

HELLS GATE~! Wyatt counters with PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

The difference between this year and last year though… is that Undertaker isn’t concussed. HE’S FUCKING PISSED. And sooner or later Bray is gonna find out just how different those things are :mark:.

SISTER ABIGAIL~! Undertaker counters with a Chokeslam :mark:.

TOMBSTONE~!

1…2… BRAY KICKS OUT. Well fuck me. Not the big shocking moment like WM 25 with HBK, but I gotta say, I didn’t expect Bray to kick out of the Tombstone.

:lmao Undertaker’s face looks more like a confused old man than the awesome “what the fuck?” face he did at WM 25 :p. He was more “HUH? DID WE PLAN THAT? WASN’T THAT THE FINISH? WHERE AM I AGAIN?” :p.

BRAY COUNTERS A TOMBSTONE INTO SISTER ABIGAIL~!

Yet another finisher kick out to add to the ever growing list of finisher kickouts on this show lol.

:mark: yes, another spot that everyone wanted to see in the match happen has happened :mark:. Spider Bray walks into SIT UP Undertaker :mark:. Even Bray shat himself!!!

The Dead Man ain’t DEAD yet, he wants Bray to bring it to him even more :mark:. If Bray wants to be the new FACE OF FEAR he’s quite literally going to have to go through Undertaker.

Bray looks to end it with a second Sister Abigail, but Undertaker counters with a second Tombstone and this time Bray stays down!

THE UNDERTAKER HAS RISEN AND IS STILL GOING STONG~!

An enjoyable match :). Nothing amazing, but Undertaker looked great, Bray was good, and they put on a nice little match. Finally, with one match left, WM 31 gets some CAL SCALE points :lmao.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Roman Reigns – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

I CAN. I WILL. Yeah ok.

Yes, Heyman announcing Lesnar :mark:. Nobody does it better!

Ok, off to a great start :mark:. They charge at each other, Lesnar picks up Roman like a nobody, smashes him into the corner, hits a German Suplex and then an F-5!!! But Lesnar is bleeding from a punch it seems, and well, I guess he doesn’t want this match to end any time soon :mark:.

I think like most people, I wasn’t REALLY expecting much from this match… however right now they are doing exactly what I would have HOPED they would do for the match to at least try and make it entertaining. And they aren’t just TRYING, they are DOING.

Lesnar is just a fucking BEAST. I don’t think any nickname has ever suited a wrestler more than Lesnar being known as a BEAST. He’s fucking toying with Reigns. Despite the fact one side of his face has put on weight due to swelling lol. It’s like he doesn’t even notice it. BROCK should have been the one to come out at the fucking Terminator. Hell, that should be the next film. BROCK VS THE TERMINATOR. I’d still pick Brock to win. He’d rip apart any fucking Cyborg in his path.

:mark: those fucking KNEES TO THE FACE :mark:. So glad Lesnar resigned for THREE YEARS. Kinda hope he has more dates on his contract this time though, because I need more BROCK in my life beating the shit out of people.

Reigns stiffing the shit out of Lesnar now :mark:. And Lesnar fucking CREAMS HIM :mark:.

Gotta give it to Reigns here too. He’s taking the beating of his fucking life, but he keeps getting up and keeps coming back for more. Shame the fans turned on him because this would be a great babyface performance if the crowd were on his side lol.

F-5~! And Reigns kicks out! Now, how much better would that have been had we not had a million finisher kick outs before this match? Undertaker/Bray could have kept theirs in, but even still, THAT should have been the first finisher kick out of the show tbh.

Reigns is fucking LAUGHING :mark:. He’s talking smack to Lesnar while taking a beating :mark:. He’s pissing Lesnar off, but he’s still hanging in there!!!

Third F-5 of the match and again Roman kicks out! This time Lesnar isn’t happy. And well, that’s BAD for Roman.

LESNAR GETS HIS FACE SMASHED INTO THE RING POST~! LESNAR IS DRIPPING WITH BLOOD~! THINGS ARE PICKING UP :mark:.

Reigns needs to take advantage of this because he might not get another chance quite like this one.

SUPERMAN PUNCH~!

LESNAR DOESN’T GO DOWN :marK:.

A SECOND SUPERMAN PUNCH~!

LESNAR ONLY GOES DOWN ON ONE KNEE :mark:.

Lesnar catches a third attempt and tries to German Suplex him, but ends up taking yet another SUPERMAN PUNCH~!

SPEAR~!

LESNAR IS BACK UP~!

SPEAR~!

KICK OUT~!

YES! YES! YES! YES!

LESNAR WILL NOT DIE~!

:mark:

SUPERMAN PUNCH COUNTERED INTO ANOTHER F-5~!

Both men are down and… SETH ROLLINS IS ABOUT TO CASH IN!!! OH SHIT!

So is this now a triple threat? Yup! :mark:

Oh wait… does this mean they’re gonna have Lesnar beat Rollins, allowing Reigns ot not win the title but technically not lose either? :lmao.

CURBSTOMP~!

CURBSTOMP COUNTERED INTO AN F-5 COUNTERED INTO A SPEAR~!

CURBSTOMP TO REIGNS AND… SETH ROLLINGS WINS THE TITLE! THE BELT IS OFF LESNAR WITHOUT LESNAR LOSING~! REIGNS DIDN’T WIN~!

Not sure I like how the belt was taken away from Lesnar, or that Seth is the champ now… but damn this was a great match! Blew my expectations out of the water, just wish Lesnar won.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5
Overall CAL SCALE (with Pre-Show) – 6.5

New Years Revolution 2006 PPV Ramblings

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New Years Revolution 2006

 

Another Raw PPV from 06, and again I have to take the wrapping off :p.

 

Ric Flair Vs Edge – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Edge jumps Flair from behind because let’s face it, even at his age, Flair > Edge, so Edge needs all the advantages he can get.

Lita looks FAPING HOT.

:mark: Flair chases Lita and Lita runs and BOUNCES :mark:.

PUNCHES TO THE FACE~! Man, what a tough guy Edge is, beating up an old man.

They keep changing the camera to point at Lita :mark:.

How is the reverse Atomic Drop legal? They smash their opponent balls first onto their knee. Oh well, it’s only Edge’s balls. Ha, Flair follows it up by dropping Edge balls first onto the barricade. FLAIR IS WORKING THE BALLS OF EDGE~!

THUMB TO EDGE’S EYE~!

THUM TO LITA#S EYE~! Bet that isn’t the first time a guy has got something in Lita’s eye ;).

FLAIR SUCCESSFULLY COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE~!

LEG WORK SETTING UP TO THE FIGURE FOUR~!

flairlita

Figure Four to Lita :(.

MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE TO FLAIR’S SKULL~! Flair deserved it tbh…

:lmao Flair is bleeding of course.

So, Edge loses by DQ. Flair retains his title. It’s almost like Edge didn’t care about winning. Hmmm… I wonder why…

Match has some fun moments, nothing more.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – DUD

 

:lmao GOAT promo by Angle. Says he hopes the US loses the war in Iraq. Loves France. Hates black people. Wants to make Jesus tap out. Then goes on to say it doesn’t matter what he says, the people will cheer him anyway because he’s the greatest wrestler in the world.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

:mark: one of my favourite women’s matches! And part of one of my favourite women’s angles! TRISH. MICKIE. LESBIAN~!

trishmickie

LITA in the first match and now TRISH AND MICKIE LESBIAN ANGLE in the second match? GOAT PPV RIGHT HERE~!

I miss Mickie and those mini-skirts.

Lol, any time Mickie counters Trish or gets the better of her in an exchange, she looks like the happiest person in the world :lmao.

:lmao Mickie escapes a headlock by grabbing Trish’s BOOB~!

Some good wrestling from these two women, showing they are more than just smoking hot babes :). Also some tremendous character work from Mickie, and Trish’s reactions to it all are great. Mickie isn’t full on psycho like she would be at WM, but she’s great at adding in bits here without going full on.

Fuck me, that was one hell of a punch exchange! They clobbered each other!

BICYCLE KICK~! Trish fucking DECKED Mickie with that!!!

Mickie decides to grab the women’s championship belt and seems to be thinking about using it or not. In the end she decides against it because she LOVES Trish or something :p.

Meanwhile Trish seems to be having a great time beating the absolute piss out of Mickie. NOBODY MAKES LESBIAN MOVES ON TRISH AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

SPINEBUSTER~!

KICK TO THE FACE~!

Mickie with Stratusfaction! But she savours the moment too long and Trish is able to kick out. Continuing to work her character into the match with how happy she looked that she was able to get the better of Trish. Then when Trish kicks out, Mickie shows signs of PSYCHO MICKIE.

CHICK KICK~! Trish manages to pick up the win in this extremely hard fought and fucking GREAT women’s match! Used to consider this better than their WM match. These days they are on the same level with STARS and shit, but I prefer the WM one over this ever so slightly. Still, it doesn’t get much better than this for women’s matches in WWE!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Maria is interviewing herself :lmao. Helms shows up. Then Shelton Benjamin arrives at the arena with his MOMMA despite the fact he doesn’t have a match. His MOMMA is here to make sure he DOES have a match!

 

Edge leaves LITA alone to do that WWE Instant Access thing they used to do (interviews on wwe.com after matches) because he has bigger things to deal with. Wonder what that could be…

 

Jerry Lawler Vs Gregory Helms

Almost skipped this match, thinking it was awful, then I remembered I was thinking of LAST YEAR’S NYR PPV when Lawler had a stinker with Hassan :p.

So Helms is no longer THE HURRICANE and wants to be a more serious wrestler and DEMANDS respect. Lawler ain’t giving it to him so Helms had to beat it out of him.

SLAP TO LAWLER~! So Lawler responds with PUNCHES TO THE FACE~! :mark:

I could watch Lawler punch people all damn day.

LAWLER WITH THE HURRICANE POSE~! Lol, might have had more of an impact had I not watched GAB recently with Matt Hardy doing the exact same thing :p.

Like the GAB match with Hardy, that Hurricane pose angers Helms and forces him to up his game and finally gain control of the match.

Helms is a good cocky heel here as he works over Lawler and even blocks an attempted counter, where Lawler tries to get his boot up to catch Helms coming off the ropes. Then when he sends Lawler into the ring post, he gets a headset and starts doing commentary! Helms > The Rock 8*D.

DOWN COMES THE STRAP~! LAWLER COMEBACK~! :mark:

Fuck me, HUGE pop when Lawler teases a Piledriver!!!

TOP ROPE FIST DROP~! LAWLER WINS! LAWLER WINS!!!

Actually a little baffled at the result of the match lol, but oh well :p. Good stuff. Helms was good during his work over period, and Lawler making a comeback is always great.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

LITA, TRISH AND MICKIE ALL TOGETHER BACKSTAGE FAP FAP FAP. HOT SWEATY BODIES~!

 

Aaaand then we switch over to Shelton’s MOMMA :lmao. She bends over, and Viscera makes a move :lmao.

 

Triple H Vs The Big Show

:mark: I’M EXCITED FOR A TRIPLE H MATCH!!!

So after what HHH did to Flair over the last few months, Big Show decides to do something about it. 2 months later :lmao. HHH smashes Show’s hand with a sledgehammer, but all it does is give Big Show a WEAPON as now he’s a 7 foot, 500lb giant with a hard CAST on his hand!!!

Dayum, Lillian looking FINE tonight! Even Joey Styles mentions it lol.

This is one of the reasons I LOVE wrestling. Why I have been watching it for over 20 years. Why no matter how bad the product gets, I’ll still go out of my way to watch certain people and certain matches. Show has a cast on his hand. And the entire match is worked around it. You have the tease and build up to Show using it as a weapon. HHH avoiding it. HHH trying to neutralise it. It’s the most simple form of storytelling, but when done right, it’s beautiful. It’s ART. Even guys I don’t always tend to like can still make me absolutely :mark: at a match when they do the simple stuff right. I don’t always care for HHH, but in the right situation against the right opponent, he can really work a match to perfection.

So early on, Show is just DOMINATING with nothing more than his POWER. HHH will occasionally hit the giant, but his shots are rendered useless, so he has to use his head and find openings anywhere he can.

BIG SHOW PUNCHES THE RING POST~! He swung his cast covered arm at HHH, but missed and instead his broken hand collided with the metal ring post, and even the cast isn’t enough to stop the pain. And THAT is the moment HHH was looking for!

HHH RIPS THE CAST OFF~! Now the weapon has been taken away from Big Show, and his broken hand is exposed! A smart wrestler would waste no time going after that injured hand, and HHH is definitely a smart wrestler!!!

I love when someone works over a body part, and does it well. Even better if it’s something more unusual. Everyone does the leg or the shoulder, occasionally the back, but when someone targets a smaller part like the hand, it’s usually pretty awesome.

Big Show goes for a chokeslam, but his broken hand won’t allow him!

REF BUMP~!

HHH BRINGS OUT THE SLEDGEHAMMER~!

BIG SHOW BREAKS THE SLEDGEHAMMER WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN’ HAND~!

THE GIANT IS UNSTOPPABLE~!

Big Show does a great job adapting his offense so he uses his broken hand as little as possible. And when he DOES use it he shows the effects of the injury, be it selling afterwards or simply not being able to do what he wanted.

STEEL CHAIR TO THE BROKEN HAND~! Well, his sledgehammer is broken so he might as well use the chair!

HHH comes at Show again with the chair and Show just fucking LAUNCHES himself at the game with a Spear!!! :mark:

Show tries a left handed chokeslam and… BROKEN SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE~!

PEDIGREE~!

This one is OVER!

This. Fucking. Rules.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Carlito makes Masters an offer he can’t refuse. Take out the other Elimination Chamber participants, then they can fight each other to see who becomes the new WWE Champion.

 

Shelton Benjamin Vs Viscera

Shelton’s MOMMA challenges Visera to a match with Shelton!

Shelton might be the superior athelete, but Viscera’s sheer size is too much for him to handle early on!

And time for some controversy… I was a big fan of the Shelton’s MOMMA angle! She was awesome on the outside cheering her “son” on and was always entertaining in backstage segments etc.

In typical “big man vs little man” fashion, Shelton targets the legs of his bigger opponent and is able to gain control. Shelton’s MOMMA is awesome on the outside shouting at Benjamin to break the leg of Viscera :lmao.

:lmao Shelton starts getting on the losing end of things, and his MOMMA stars shouting “DO I NEED TO GET THE BELT? GET UP! GET YO ASS UP!!!” and Shelton KEEPS GETTING UP :lmao. Now THAT is motivation!

BLACK HOLE SLAM BY VISCERA~! That move has a whole new meaning coming from him :side:.

VISAGRA~! “YOU GET OFF MY BOY!!!” :lmao

MISSED SPLASH~!

SHELTON’S MOMMA SMASHES VISCERA IN THE HEAD WITH HER HANDBAG~! KICK FROM SHELTON~! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!

Fun match!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

HBK is confronted by Vinnie Mac, who wishes Shawn good luck! Obviously he doesn’t mean it because these two are feuding… or about to start feuding? I forget.

 

Maria Vs Ashley Vs Candice Michelle Vs Victoria Vs Torrie Wilson – Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match

Fap.

No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shelton’s MOMMA reveals she had a BRICK in her handbag! Because you never know when you might need a brick. There was this one time, I needed a brick, but I didn’t have one.

 

John Cena Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Kurt Angle Vs Kane Vs Chris Masters Vs Carlito – WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match

Urgh. I hate this match. But it’s a main event for the title so I’ll suffer through it.

Lol, Kane talking smack to Carlito while both are locked inside their pods.

So we start off with Cena Vs HBK, which I guess is a good thing. Over a year later they’d have a pretty darn good WM main event and have had a few great matches following that too.

Cena just elbowed Shawn RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE. TWICE. First one looked brutal. So how does HBK respond? With a bitch slap :lmao. Then Cena PUNCHES Shawn in the face. LOL Shawn’s a pussy :p.

Bah, the two of them don’t really do anything worth writing about. Speaking of not doing anything worth writing about; Carlito is the next guy in. Fans pop for him though because he attacks Cena. Hitler would probably get cheered over Cena in the chamber :side:.

*puts some chicken dippers in the oven*

Angle is next out and he just runs into the match and fucking MURDERS everyone. SIX GERMAN SUPLEXES~! OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY TO HBK OVER THE ROPES TO THE STEEL~! GERMAN SUPLEX TO CARLITO OVER THE ROPES TO THE STEEL~!

Love him or hate him, Angle coming in and mauling everyone like that in a match like this is pretty darn sweet. Easily the most entertaining part of this match so far!

HBK IS BLEEDING~!

ANGLE IS DOMINATING~!

ANKLE LOCK ON CARLITO~!

MASTERS IS THE NEXT GUY OUT AND SAVES CARLITO~!

MASTERS IS DOMINATING~!

ANKLE LOCK ON MASTERS~!

NOBODY OUTSHINES ANGLE~!

ANKLE LOCK ON CENA~!

SUPERKICK TO ANGLE~!

Aaaaaand there goes the only fun part of this match :(.

Carlito and 2006 Chris Masters are in this match and KURT ANGLE is the first to be eliminated. Bullshit tbh.

Wonder how those dippers are coming along… damn, 6 minutes left :(.

Stuff happens. Kane is out last.

Yey dippers are ready :).

Carlito and Masters double team Kane enough to eliminate him.

Mmmmm chicken dippers rule!

HBK gets eliminated by Carlito :lmao.

Damn, ate all my dippers :(.

DDT TO CENA ON THE STEEL~! Guess he’s gunna pop back up and win the match now, if SummerSlam 2010 is anything to go by :side:.

Carlito tells Masters to put Cena in the Masterlock and be the one to eliminate the champ! And Carlito turns on him and pins him. Because he’s a retard. The moment he pins Masters, Cena pins him :lmao. Dumbshit.

This is booooring as fuck. Angle is the only entertaining thing and he was eliminated first.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

VINCE MCMAHON’S MUSIC!!! THE NIGHT IS NOT OVER!!! WHAT’S GOING ON!?!?!

 

John Cena Vs Edge – WWE Championship Match

EDGE IS CASHING IN HIS MONEY IN THE BANK!!! I guess THIS is the important thing he was talking about earlier :p. Either that or he had to pick up some new lingerie for Lita :D.

Cena is battered and bleeding, while Edge is fresh!

SPEAR~!

Cena kicks out :lmao.

SPEAR~!

EDGE WINS!

What a moment. Not because Edge won the WWE Title, but because Cena LOST the WWE Title!

Then 2 weeks later they killed Edge’s momentum completely :lmao.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 11

Wrestling View’s Hall of Fame 2015

Hall of Fame 2015

 

Last year I started the Wrestling View Hall of Fame, and inducted 3 people, which you can see here. I said back then that I would continue the HOF with just ONE inductee every year to keep it as special and elite as possible, and that is exactly what I’m doing!

 

Ric Flair

 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! With Vince, Hogan and Piper already in the HOF, it made perfect sense that The Nature Boy Ric Flair would be the next inductee! His career has spanned over 40 years, where he has wrestled in almost every territory available to him in the US, as well as various promotions around the world including Europe and Japan! He was one of the major players in the NWA throughout the 1980’s, helping Jim Crockett Promotions in particular become one of the largest wrestling promotions in the world as he toured the country as NWA Champion on numerous occasions. Flair also spent time in the WWF in the early 90’s, winning the WWF Championship on 2 occasions before returning to WCW (formally JCP) and going on to increase his world title wins to a record 16 (though this is often disputed, sometimes being referred to as high as 20 times). Following the demise of WCW, Flair made his way back to the WWF (soon to be renamed to WWE) in a non wrestling role, but it wouldn’t be long before he got back into the ring and squared off against the likes of Vince McMahon, Undertaker, Steve Austin, Triple H, The Rock, Hulk Hogan, Brock Lesnar and many more!!! Over the years he has been apart of some of the biggest factions in wrestling, the first being The Four Horsemen who dominated JCP and WCW for many years, and then WWE’s version (in a way) known as Evolution. His WWE in ring career ended at the hands of Shawn Michaels in an emotional WrestleMania match in 2008, however Flair still wanted to compete inside the ring, and joined with TNA to do just that! Since then he has again returned to WWE, but strictly in a non wrestling role, making the odd appearance when asked. The 16 time World Heavyweight Champion has left a legacy that few people in the business can even come close to. Often considered to be the greatest wrestler of all time, his catalogue of great matches is perhaps unmatched, featuring unforgettable bouts against Ricky Steamboat, Terry Funk, Barry Windham, Dusty Rhodes, Wahoo McDaniel, Hulk Hogan, The Undertaker, Vince McMahon, Sting, Vader, and a long list of “whose who” in the wrestling business over the last 4 decades. But his in ring talent was only part of what made him great, as his incredible charisma and promos made him a larger than life superstar. His trademark robes, entrance music, and the fact he truly lived the life of a rock star when the cameras were off made him one of the most likeable heels in the business. He could still get booed out of the building, but at the same time always had his fans, and people would always pay to see the Nature Boy in action. Ric’s ability to go 60 minutes every night and give the performance of a lifetime in every match earned him the respect of so many people, and helped him maintain a main event status for almost his entire career. He truly is one of the all time greats. A legend. An Icon. He is The Nature Boy Ric Flair, and he is now apart of the Wrestling View Hall of Fame!!!

WrestleMania 31 – Thoughts & Predictions

Day 1 of Wrestling View’s WrestleMania Week!!! Ok, more of a weekEND, but that doesn’t sound as catchy! With WM 31 just days away, I’ll be taking a look at the final card and going over my thoughts on the build up and how I feel about the match, as well as giving my predictions on the winner(s)!

 

20150320_LIGHT_WM31_kickoffmatch_hp

 

Cesaro & Tyson Kidd Vs A New Day Vs Los Matadors Vs The Usos – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

 

So this is happening. And honestly it’s news to me! I rarely watch any show other than Raw… and I skipped through most of Raw in about 10 minutes. So matches like this tend to… pass me by. The only person involved in this match I remotely like is Cesaro, so watching any matches between any combination of these guys during the build up to WM hasn’t exactly been something I wanted to do. Hence me not even knowing this match was going to happen. While I haven’t personally seen any of the build up for this match, I HAVE still been on wrestling forums and twitter, and still haven’t heard about this match until today, which tells me that they haven’t done anything worth mentioning to hype this match up lol. I’m not hyped, apparently nobody else is, and that’s that.

 

Winners – Cesaro & Tyson Kidd – Main reason being that I dislike every other team in the match. Los Matadors are just horrible and shouldn’t be anywhere near the belts. A New Day are horrible and shouldn’t be anywhere near the belts. And finally The Usos are horrible and shouldn’t be anywhere near the belts… ESPECIALLY given the fact they’ve been near the damn belts for the better part of 2 years.

 

20150326_LIGHT_WM31_Match_AndreKickOff_HP

 

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

 

Due to apparent timing issues with the show, this match has now been bumped down to the WM pre-show. And it’s probably for the best because it’ll likely suck and does anyone REALLY care about it? Last year, for the first one, we got a big moment with Cesaro winning, joining Paul Heyman and… becoming a complete and total loser. Winning this match KILLED his momentum. And where is he a year later? In a tag match on the pre-show. So why should I care about the match THIS YEAR? Doesn’t matter who wins, WWE has already shown us that the winner is most likely gonna be buried. This isn’t like winning the Royal Rumble where we all know the guy is going to main event WM, or MITB where he’s likely to win the title… no, based on previous experience (all one of them lol), the winner is going nowhere. Making this match utterly pointless and honestly, a disgrace to Andre’s name. Doesn’t help that 90% of the people involved in the match are jobbers to begin win.

 

Winner – Sheamus – Yup, I’m picking a guy that isn’t even announced for the match. I’m predicting he returns FOR the match and wins. Also I looked at the list of participants and couldn’t for the life of me pick any of them!

 

20150309_LIGHT_WM31_Match_BadNewsLadder_HP2

 

Wade Barrett Vs Daniel Bryan Vs Stardust Vs Luke Harper Vs Dean Ambrose Vs R-Truth Vs Dolph Ziggler – WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

 

Can’t think of an interesting way to book an IC title match at WM? THROW EVERYONE IN A LADDER MATCH YEY!!! I hate ladder matches. I really, really fucking HATE ladder matches. I used to like them, years ago. There have been some awesome ones in the past. But now? Get them the fuck out. Aside from being overused to the point where every spot has been done a billion times, we now seem to be at a point where the guys want to INTENTIONALLY hurt themselves in order to make the match “good”. Harper/Ziggler last year was just fucking disgusting. They (mainly Dolph) took a bunch of unnecessary bumps that were genuinely painful and stiff. I don’t want guys to REALLY hurt themselves. This is fucking PRO-WRESTLING. Jim Cornette has said many times over the years that back in “the day” (80’s and before, let’s say), nobody was hurting each other but everyone thought it was real. Now? Everyone is hurting each other and nobody thinks its real. And it’s fucking stupid.

 

Ok, enough of that rant. The build up. The build up has revolved around everyone stealing the belt. And… that’s it. A WM match is happening because R-Truth has been sneaking around in the most unconvincing fashion ever and stealing the belt, while everyone else wants it too. This really doesn’t scream “WRESTLEMANIA” to me. At least the whole ladder match deal makes sense given the build up… but fuck me, the build up still shouldn’t have been about people stealing the fucking title. Also, why is R-Truth anywhere near this? Did they think they HAD to have a black man involved in a match to do with stealing? This is WWE we’re talking about. I wouldn’t doubt that line of thinking for a second. And why is Bryan here? I’m a huge Bryan fan, but shouldn’t he at least be in some high profile singles match? He SHOULD be in the main event, but that’s another rant in itself lol. Instead, a guy who is just back from NECK SURGERY is heading into a LADDER MATCH. Do they honestly hate him that much?

 

Winner – Daniel Bryan – Picking Bryan because he really needs to at least win this match. He’s probably the most over guy in the company right now and SHOULD be main eventing the show, but he isn’t, so the least they could do is give him the win here. Plus, with Lesnar resigning, there is a good chance he’ll retain the belt and WWE will try and elevate the IC and US titles as major belts while Brock isn’t around due to his contract. Let’s face it, Bryan is the only guy in this match that can carry the IC title for THAT reason. Ambrose as a second, but he still needs to get some momentum behind him before he can do that. Please give me a Bryan Vs Ambrose feud out of this.

 

20150224_LIGHT_WM31_Match_HP_OrtonRollins

 

Randy Orton Vs Seth Rollins

 

How. How? HOW?!?!?! How on earth did WWE screw this one up? Orton and Rollins were part of the Authority together. Orton becomes increasingly frustrated with them and ends up getting taken out at the hands of Rollins. He’s gone for 4 months. He returns and… rejoins the Authority. Pretending, of course. But come on. Everyone knew he was pretending. EVERYONE. Except for the Authority, who apparently are completely retarded. And what we ended up with was a couple of weeks of Orton pretending to be friends with them before turning on Rollins. It was horrible. I know WWE creative and Vince McMahon are incredibly stupid when it comes to booking, but come on. A 3 year old could have booked this.

 

Winner – Seth Rollins – Orton doesn’t need the win. Rollins does. He’s Mr MITB, and I’m SICK of them treating MITB winners like jobbers up until the point they cash in and become champion. It makes them look like a shitty champion if they’ve just been losing for months straight. Have some interference or whatever, it doesn’t need to be a clean win, but please let Rollins win. I hope Orton shows up motivated, because this COULD end up being a good match. But Orton and Motivated aren’t two things that go together often these days…

 

20150224_LIGHT_WM31_Match_HPv2_cenarusev

 

Rusev Vs John Cena – WWE United States Championship Match

 

WWE meets Rocky IV. Except Cena won’t win over the hostile crowd at the end. Or do that “everyone can change” speech because we know he hasn’t changed in 10 years! Anyway. Back at Fastlane, Cena lost. And his reaction? To brutally attack Rusev and force Lana to accept a rematch on Rusev’s behalf or Cena would murder him or something. Because Cena is a NICE GUY. Their match at Fastlane sucked. I expect nothing more for their WM match.

 

Winner – John Cena – Of course Cena is winning. He’s going to be the American Hero, overcoming the evil undefeated Russian and bringing the US title back home. Because WWE, at their biggest event of the year, where fans from AROUND THE WORLD pay a lot of money to go see, just love for an American to overcome the odds against those nasty non-Americans!!!

 

20150224_LIGHT_WM31_Match_HPv2_divastag

 

AJ Lee & Paige Vs The Bellas

 

Divas title on the line at WM? NAH! TAG MATCH~! #givedivasachancelol

 

Winners – AJ Lee & Paige – I guess they should win so they can both have a claim over a divas title shot or something.

 

20150224_LIGHT_WM31_Match_HPv2

 

Sting Vs Triple H

 

The match nobody wanted, but dammit they’re giving it to us anyway! Sting has come to the WWE… because stuff. He’s targeted HHH because… stuff. There isn’t anything about this I like. The build has been shit. The reasoning has been shit. And the match is likely to be shit as well. Why? Well HHH isn’t THAT DAMN GOOD like he claims to be, and Sting hasn’t been good since 1996. Almost 20 years ago. STING HASN’T BEEN GOOD IN 20 YEARS. Think about that for a second. Out of all the so called “dream matches” between Sting and someone in WWE, would anyone beyond a massive HHH mark honestly have this match on their list? At the very least it would be outside the top 10, surly? I’m not one of those people who thinks we should have gotten Sting Vs Undertaker, because I don’t want to see that match either… but HHH? Talk about random as shit. WWE probably want this to be the next Rock/Hogan from WM 18. Instead it’ll be the next Rock/Cena from WM 28 and 29.

 

Winner – Sting – It’s his first match in WWE. He is probably going to win.

 

20150224_LIGHT_WM31_Match_HPv2_takerbray

 

The Undertaker Vs Bray Wyatt

 

Hello the one match at WM this year I’m even remotely interested in! And only because Undertaker is involved. Honestly not that excited for the match, but it has the Dead Man so it still at the very least interests me. You know, as I actually sit here and think back on the build up, it’s probably been one of the best built matches on the show, tied with the main event (which I’ll get to next obviously, so I’ll explain then lol). Sure, Undertaker hasn’t appeared, but this sure as hell isn’t his first feud where he hasn’t made a single appearance until the match, and it’s not even his first WRESTLEMANIA feud where that’s happened. Bray has done (mostly) a good job of carrying the feud with his promos, explaining how he’s the new face of fear and is going to make Undertaker Rest in Peace for good, something that he believes should have happened last year after the Streak was ended. The rocking chair appearing in the ring and getting set on fire was a cool segment too. And not having Undertaker show up until WM just builds intrigue as to what he’ll look like, something that seems to be a major selling point for WM these days lol. Every single year, fans speculate on how good or bad he’s going to look, and this year has been no different. So for me, between it simply being an Undertaker match, and having a decent build, I too am very interested in seeing just how Undertaker looks. His entrance is probably going to be better than most of the show. Kinda sad in a way.

 

Winner – The Undertaker – Sorry, but Bray just isn’t the right guy to end The Undertaker, or be the second guy to beat him at WM. Undertaker needs to redeem himself after the loss last year.

 

20150224_LIGHT_WM31_Match_LesnarReigns_HP

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Roman Reigns – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

 

I just said that this is probably tied for best built match at WM this year. People are thinking I’m crazy right about now, I’m sure of it. But let me explain. In two words. PAUL HEYMAN. The guy is a fucking GOD on the microphone. He is amazing. His promos have been stellar every single time, and even his recent video for Heyman Hustle was fantastic. He is the last of a dying breed who can TALK people into the arena. I’ve said for many, many years that Mick Foley is the best promo guy in wrestling. Today I change that opinion. Today I declare PAUL HEYMAN as the single greatest promo man to ever grace the wrestling business. BELIEVE THAT! Oh, Reigns and Lesnar have been involved in this build up too I think. Lesnar has stood around once or twice, and Reigns has attempted a couple of promos. Whatever. PAUL HEYMAN. I just can’t believe that on the go home Raw show, they ended with Lesnar and Reigns doing this:

 

5lwdFAX

 

Winner – Brock Lesnar – Kinda wish I hadn’t heard about Lesnar resigning with WWE until AFTER WrestleMania, because it probably would have been an awesome moment when Lesnar retained despite me thinking he was leaving the company. Ah well. I guess now I have something to look forward to :). Lesnar is absolutely going to retain now imo, giving Reigns more time to finally be in a position where he is ready to become champion and lead the company.

 

Final Thoughts

 

WM 31 on paper doesn’t really interest me much at all. The build has been mostly awful. It saddens me when WWE can’t even get WM right. It’s the one time of the year they normally TRY to care, yet for some reason in the last couple of years they’ve even given up on that. Oh well. Here on Wrestling View, the #WVWMWeek continues with the Hall of Fame tomorrow, so don’t miss that!

The Great American Bash 2006 PPV Ramblings

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The Great American Bash 2006

 

WWE’s GAB shows get a pretty bad rep, and it’s not always warranted. This show is a prime example! Though this WAS a Smackdown 2006 PPV. You have the Smackdown 6 in 2002/2003 ruling the show, then you have the Smackdown 2006 killing it!

 

Oh hey, Black Stone Cherry’s Lonely Train as the theme. Another 06 SD PPV that got me into a band!

 

And let’s not forget, this PPV was HUGELY screwed up due to a bunch of people being kept off the show due to “elevated enzymes in the liver”. So the fact I think highly of the show in light of those circumstances shows just how SD in 2006 could do very little wrong! In the wrestling aspect, anyway :p.

 

Paul London & Brian Kendrick Vs The Pitbulls – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

:lmao JBL bitching at the fact they have a Spanish Announce Team on a Great AMERICAN Bash show :lmao.

Pitbulls are Noble and Kash btw. In case you thought the old ECW team was back. One of them would have to be back from the dead at this point I think.

No fancy shit to start this one off, instead they end up scrapping on the mat to fight for control, then locking up and trying to gain control that way, and then they throw some punches too :mark:. London is losing the more brawling style this match is turning into, so he quickly changes his strategy and throws out a dropkick and from there is able to take Kash down a few times and tag Kendrick in to keep up the momentum.

Interesting to see these two styles meshing like this. Londrick flying around, and even though Noble and Kash CAN do that stuff too, they know they can’t do it AS WELL as Londrick so they try and work the match to their strengths which would be fighting and controlling a body part.

DOUBLE SUICIDE DIVE~!

Man, every time you think The Pitbulls are gonna have a nice long control segment, London and Kendrick just keep coming back with high flying moves to create enough distance between them and their opponents to make a tag. And then London tries to skin the cat and gets dropkicked to hell :mark:. Now that was a pretty spectacular transition spot tbh. NOW we can finally get a good FIP :mark:.

Great teased hot tag spots. Kash almost accidentally lets London tag out, but stops him just before, then decides to play around with him and let him go for a tag a couple of times, then pulls him back and smashes him in the face with forearms :mark:.

HOT TAG~! Kendrick owns everyone :mark:.

In the end, the teamwork for London and Kendrick shines through and they pick up the win. Good match, liked how they didn’t stick to the basic STF but instead played around with it a little and gave us something well worth watching :).

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Khali is screaming some incoherent shite then picks up Daivari and shakes him around because he’s mad.

 

TEDDY LONG~! He probably just jerked off to that tag match 8*D. Anyway, he’s out here to tell everyone that Lashley is unable to compete tonight. Finlay and Regal come out and want Long to declare Finlay the winner, but instead he makes a US title match between the two friends! :mark:

 

Finlay Vs William Regal – WWE United Championship Match

Lashley not being able to compete is actually for the best :D.

Regal being the veteran he is and knowing Finlay so well, looks under the ring first to make sure Hornswoggle isn’t there. Then they both decide to leave the ring and not wrestle… and Finlay tries to roll Regal up! Regal decks him in the face and gives him a stern talking to :lmao.

Well now they got that out of the way, it’s time for them both to actually compete! Pretty epic Collar and Elbow tie up! They go to the mat, roll out to the floor, then walk up the steps and back into the ring, while still in the hold!

Oh man, the Regal/Hornswoggle stuff is amazing :lmao. Hornswoggle grabs Regal’s leg, then smacks Regal in the back of the knee with the Shillelagh forcing Regal to run away and hide on the steps like that women in the old Tom and Jerry cartoons when she’d see Jerry and jump on a chair :lmao. Then Regal turns around and Swoggle is staring at him, so Regal makes one of his awesome faces and runs the fuck away back into the ring :lmao. Only Regal could make a Hornswoggle spot epic!

Speaking of epic; REGAL AND FINLAY BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER :mark:.

Finlay takes the WORST Half Nelson Suplex I’ve ever seen… then Regal gets his hand bitten by Hornswoggle and Finlay targets the hand :mark:. Teddy Long probably jerked off to the tag match and I’ll probably jerk to this later :p. THIS IS AWESOME *clap clap clap clap clap*.

Man, Cole and JBL are really, really putting over Regal and Finlay :mark:. Going into their backgrounds and saying how TOUGH they both are and how awesome it is that they are both on Smackdown. I miss those times. God I <3 SD 2006!!!

Crazy to think that when I first watched this match (live in 06), I thought it was shit. I was disappointed as FUCK with it. Then I re-watched for my Smackdown 2006 project and fucking LOVED IT. And now I think I’m gonna end up loving it even more!

Fans chant BOOORING because they are fucking retarded, and Cole covers for it by saying they want Lashley, hence the boring chants.

Love Finlay’s apron spots :mark:. Gets his opponent caught up in the apron cover the fucking beats the living shit out of them.

Regal is now missing a boot! And of course, Finlay makes sure to STOP THE SHIT out of the exposed foot! Not sure how the boot came off, but Cole says it was likely Hornswoggle, and moments later, he pops up and hands Finlay the boot! Finlay smacks Regal in the face with his own boot and retains the title!

This. Fucking. Rules. God I absolutely cannot wait to see both Regal and Finlay’s single matches with Benoit on PPV this year too :mark:.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

REY AND CHAVO~! Of course they talk about Eddie all the time.

 

Gregory Helms Vs Matt Hardy

Fuck me the hits just keep coming! I know I said this PPV was really good and whatnot, but honestly I didn’t remember most of the card this time around. This might end up being fucking GREAT lol. Certainly off to one hell of a start!

Helms is the CW champ, but Hardy ain’t light enough to compete for it so this is just a straight up match. Both guys were absolutely killing it every week on SD around this time. More examples of the awesome talent SD 06 had!

These two go way back, all the way to the old Omega promotion days, so they have almost a natural rivalry going and can be put in a none title match like this and still make it come across as important because of their history. Especially now that Helms is heel and the CW champ and going out every week with a chip on his shoulder and proving people he’s as great as he claims to be.

:mark: Hardy mocking Helms by striking the Hurricane Pose :mark:.

Helms regains control and really takes it to Matt, grounding him and working the head and neck, and being in complete control of the match. Every time he stepped in the ring in 2006 it seemed like it was trying to prove something, and it resulted in one hell of a CW title run.

SWINGING NECK BREAKER FROM THE TOP ROPE~!

Great Hardy comeback with some sweet counters :mark:. Eye of the Hurricane countered into a Twist of Fate countered into another neckbreaker :mark:.

Awesome finishing stretch, with the neck and head work coming into play for the finish! Helms + Hardy + Smackdown 2006 = :mark:.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Khali is hunting down Undertaker, who shows up and goes on the attack, only for Big Show to run him down! Teddy Long is pissed, and decides to switch out Khali for Big Show! Khali also had that liver shit.

 

The Undertaker Vs The Big Show – Punjabi Prison Match

So what the fook is a Punjabi Prison Match? Well, a cage made out of bamboo, with doors that open on a timer or something… then another cage around it that you have to escape to win. Stupid? Yeah. But it’s BIG SHOW VS UNDERTAKER so who cares? :)

Show is, well, terrified. He’s in this unique structure for the first time, against the fucking UNDERTAKER. And when you corner a scared animal, he tends to react violently, and Show is no different. Takes the fight right to the Dead Man at the start, hoping to keep that momentum going and prevent Undertaker from punching his face in.

Undertaker punches his face in.

Huh, Undertaker tries to climb out of the first cage… despite it having spikes on top… and FOUR DOORS TO ESCAPE THROUGH.

Ha, JBL just used my caged animal analogy.

Undertaker and Show are beating the fuck out of each other :mark:.

CHOKESLAM COUNTERED INTO A DDT~!

One door is opened, but 60 seconds run out before anyone can escape so now it’s CLOSED FOR GOOD.

Show rips a fucking noose or something from the cage and uses it to wear down ‘Taker. I guess they thought this match could be so horrible based on the concept that they’d better give the wrestlers something to hang themselves with :side:.

Another door opens and oh noes nobody escaped and it’s CLOSED FOR GOOD.

CHOKESLAM~!

So this has definitely had some great stuff so far. 2 giants punching each other in the face is always going to appeal to me in some form haha, but man oh man there is a LOT of slow down here. Show was REALLY out of shape around this time, which is part of the reason he left the company at the end of the year. Had he been in better shape this might have had a better pace. But hey, at least Khali wasn’t in the match!!! :p

UNDERTAKER IS BLEEDING~!

Fuck me. Despite the fact there are still TWO DOORS LEFT… Show tries to climb out. Both of them have made that retarded mistake now.

HOLY SHIT UNDERTAKER SUPERPLEXED BIG SHOW~!

UNDERTAKER ESCAPES THE FIRST CAGE THROUGH A DOOR~!

:lmao Undertaker looks to climb the second structure, then randomly decides to try and kick a hole in it instead :lmao.

Big Show is free! Throws Undertaker through a randomly placed table, then puts Undertaker back into the ring right as the last door is closing for good!!! Smart by Big Show!

Luckily for Undertaker, Big Show, as I just mentioned, is out of shape so he can’t exactly climb the cage quickly :p.

Undertaker climbs out, and reaches over to the second cage as it higher up that Show! They battle on the side of the cage, and Undertaker uses a randomly placed rope (WHAT IS IT WITH ALL THESE FUCKING OBJECTS IN THE CAGE LOL?) and swings himself at Big Show! I bet Paul Burchill ain’t happy with that! :p

LEG DROP THROUGH ANOTHER RANDOMLY PLACED TABLE~!

BIG SHOW IS BLEEDING~!

CROSS BODY FROM THE FIRST CAGE ONTO THE BIG SHOW, SENDING THEM BOTH THROUGH THE SECOND CAGE~! Undertaker somehow wins! :p

Well, I don’t think this match sucks like a lot of people do, but it’s still nothing special. Like I said, it’s too slow in parts. Cut 5 minutes or so off the match and this would have been much better. They did what they could with a new (shitty) gimmick match and not much time to plan what they were gonna do thanks to Show being Khali’s replacement.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Awful Booker T and Sharmell backstage segment. Urgh. King Booker was so damn bad.

 

Kristal Vs Ashley Vs Michelle McCool Vs Jillian Hall – Bra and Panties Match

FAP FAP FAP NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Miz interviews Kennedy. Is that the worst pairing EVER? :lmao

 

Batista Vs Mr Kennedy

Originally supposed to be Henry Vs Batista, but Henry got INJURED and was unable to compete. Nothing to do with his liver lol.

Batista is PISSED. PISSED. He’s returning to the ring since he got injured in January, and the guy who injured him, Mark Henry, got injured before Batista could gain revenge. So poor Mr Kennedy is just fodder for the ANIMAL :mark:.

Kennedy gets his face smashed into the steel steps and he is BUSTED OPEN. So Batista takes it upon himself to PUNCH THE OPEN WOUND :mark:.

Mr Kennedy isn’t happy about being busted open and goes to leave… then runs back in to surprise Batista and gets fucking RUN OVER :mark:.

Man, Kennedy’s cut is fucking bad lol. It seems to fire him up and he is able to actually gain the advantage! Anyone who was around to see my Smackdown 2006 Project reviews will know I constantly praised Kennedy with how he was able to create openings for himself during matches and take full advantage, and this is yet another match where he demonstrates that talent.

:mark: Batista takes a beating from Kennedy but is still pissed off he ends up firing back and absolutely fucking MAULING Mr Kennedy, so much so the referee calls for the bell! Mr Kennedy wins!

For Batista though, this wasn’t about winning or losing. This was about destroying someone and taking out his anger and frustration from being injured and having to give up the WHC 7 months ago.

SPINBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

BATISTA BOMB~!

So this kinda rules. Kennedy looked good, Batista looked good, and the match did its job. Batista is BACK and looks unstoppable, while Kennedy looked strong and even technically got the win!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Booker T – World Championship Match

Bah, I wish I could NO this match. Stupid main event title match.

Fucking SHUT UP Bradshaw. I’m surprised he can talk so much while having Booker’s black cock in his mouth. SLURP SLURP SLURP.

More EDDIESPLOITATION to start the match as Booker screams EDDIE CAN’T HELP YOU to Rey in hopes of getting the crowd to support Rey.

Here we go! The first ever Hell in a Cell match. The Undertaker, fighting for revenge. Shawn Michaels, fighting to survive. Also, something that is often forgotten about this match, the #1 contendership for the WWF Championship at Survivor Series is on the line too!

Before the match starts, we see referee Earl Hebner padlock the cell door shut, as Shawn pleads with him to let him out. No chance Shawn. You danced with the devil, and now you are about to get burnt!

With the door locked, the match can begin. HBK circles the ring, as The Undertaker slowly stalks his prey. After everything Shawn has done to him over the last couple of months, The Undertaker wants to put Shawn through a lot of pain, and is going to take his time doing it. He sees no need to rush, no need to run after Shawn, because unlike Ground Zero, he has nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and no one to save him.

After playing a bit of cat and mouse, The Undertaker catches up to Shawn in the ring, and here we go! Nothing fancy, just ‘Taker grabbing Shawn by the back of his head, and ramming him into numerous turnbuckles. Shawn sells them like he just hit concrete, which some people would state he is overselling, but personally I loved it, and felt it made The Undertaker seem like a vicious powerful monster, which WWF were really turning him into at the time.

Shawn takes a beating for a couple of minutes, with ‘Taker working over the arm, hitting Old School, and even going for a cover at one point. Was The Undertaker trying to win? No, I don’t think he was. He gave Shawn a beating a month ago at Ground Zero, and Shawn never gave up, so he knew it would take more than what he had done so far to put HBK away. So why go for a cover? Because he can. He is showing Shawn that HE is in control, not Shawn. Also, kicking out of a pin attempt with a 300+ pounder on top of you wastes energy, and just helps The Undertaker more. A question some of you may be thinking is “why did Shawn kick out?”. Good question, because let’s face it, if Shawn didn’t kick out, the match would be over and he would escape the possibility of worse pain. Going back to what I said earlier, this match is for the #1 contendership. Shawn, like everyone in the WWF, wants the WWF Championship. Winning this match will place him in a title match, where he is one step closer to being champion once again. Then there is the fact Shawn is an arrogant heel, and beating The Undertaker will feed his ego, and give him bragging rights forever more.

The Undertaker decides to step things up a bit, as he grabs Shawn by the throat, seemingly going for a Chokeslam! Shawn senses this, and desperately fights his way out, sending ‘Taker into the corner. He mounts him, and begins to punch ‘Taker in the head. The Undertaker throws Shawn off, and he flies half way across the ring, again perhaps overselling, but IMO putting The Undertaker over even more. Shawn is a resilient man though, and he quickly gets to his feet and charges over into the corner to mount the Dead Man once again.

Every time Shawn attempts any offense, The Undertaker just shrugs it off and continues his epic assault on the “Sexy Boy”. The fight goes to the outside, and things are about to get brutal. ‘Taker imposes his will on Shawn, using his size and power along with the deadly cell walls to inflict more pain and damage. A couple of spots I always enjoy are when The Undertaker picks up Shawn, then smashes him back first into the ring post, turns around and smashes him back first into the corner of the cell, turns around again and smashes him in the ring post once again, then turns around one last time to send him back first into the corner of the cell. The other is when ‘Taker goes for a powerbomb, but Shawn seemingly reverses it, punching The Undertaker repeatedly in the face, only for The Undertaker to turn around and repeatedly smash Shawn into the corner of the cell again! When Shawn drops to the floor, you can see the marks on his back left by the cell, showing you that he really did hit the cell, and he hit it hard.

The underlying story of this match continues, with Shawn using the cell to attempt an escape from the pain and destruction The Undertaker has on his mind. He tries his best to climb up the cell wall to get away, but The Undertaker is tall enough to reach up and drag Shawn back down, back to hell.

Again the cell comes into play in this match, this time providing Shawn with an opening he so desperately needed. ‘Taker whips Shawn into one of the cell walls, then comes running at him, only to smash face first into the cell himself! I’m unsure if it was Shawn being able to dodge the attack, of if the sheer force of The Undertaker’s Irish Whip caused Michaels to bounce off and dodge the attack, but either way it created an opening, and HBK took it!

Just as Shawn appears to have the advantage, The Undertaker fights back. But as quickly as he re-gained control, he loses it! Shawn knocks The Undertaker off the apron, and sends him into the cell, then follows it up with a suicide dive, again driving The Undertaker into the cell! He isn’t giving ‘Taker time to recover, as he climbs the cell once again, this time to drop an elbow! Shawn is looking strong in this match now. He has used his speed, quickness and high flying ability to gain control, and is now using dirty tactics to keep that control. One of my all time favourite spots (not just from this match, but in general) right here, as Shawn hits a Piledriver to The Undertaker, ON THE STEEL STEPS! It makes one hell of a sound, and just looks incredible.

But even after all of that, The Undertaker crawls back into the ring. Again, this is putting over The Undertaker as an unstoppable monster, while at the same time, showing how resilient and CREDIBLE Shawn Michaels is when he is in the ring with the bigger, stronger opponent. Shawn doesn’t like the fact The Undertaker is still coming after him, so he pulls out a steel chair! This epic feud all began with a steel chair shot, and Shawn hopes to end it with one. I say one, but Shawn hits ‘Taker twice for good measure, and makes the cover! 1…2… NO! The Undertaker is not going out like that again. He still needs to extract his revenge on Shawn, and a steel chair isn’t going to do it this time.

The match starts to change from this moment on, as The Undertaker back body drops Shawn over the ropes, and onto a camera man. Shawn begins to beat the hell out of the camera man, laying him out on the floor. Why did he do it? I believe because he knew it would force the referee to open the door for EMT’s to attend to the guy, and the open door would allow Shawn to escape.

Until then though, Shawn must keep The Undertaker at bay. HUGE elbow drop from the top, followed by Sweet Chin Music! While all of this is happening, the door has been opened too! This is the part where I now feel the door being opened was a contingency plan, IF his superkick was not enough to put down The Undertaker. After all, what would be better than pinning The Undertaker in this match, instead of running away?

Of course, things don’t quite work out for HBK, as The Undertaker sits right up from Sweet Chin Music! Shawn is shocked, and makes a run for the door before it’s closed again! The Undertaker follows him out and catches him, sending him into the cell wall on numerous occasions, and busting him open too!

Shawn is lucky once again to find a small opening, but what is he going to do with it now? Inside the cell, he was unable to put the Dead Man away with his finisher. Outside of the cell, he was still unable to get away from the monstrous beast. The only thing left, if for him to CLIMB to the top of the cell! Unfortunately for Shawn, The Undertaker, even at 330lbs, near 7 feet tall, is able to follow him up there too!

Both men are now on top of the cell, and Shawn attempts a Piledriver up there, but instead gets a back body drop onto the steel! If that wasn’t bad enough, The Undertaker lifts him over his head, and slams him from over 7 feet in the air to the steel! Right hand now by The Undertaker, and Shawn nearly falls off the edge! He holds on, while The Undertaker has something sick on his mind. He stomps on one hand, he stomps on the other hand, and…

“Incoming!”

Shawn Michaels has nothing to hold on to, and falls back from halfway up the cell, through the announcer’s table! It crashes under the weight, and Shawn is a bloody mess on the concrete floor! It’s not over yet though, as The Undertaker climbs down, and slams him onto the floor!

While the majority of this match has been about The Undertaker being an unstoppable, almost un-human DESTRUCTION MACHINE, it’s also all about Shawn showing off just how damn resilient he is. After everything The Undertaker has done to him, he is STILL able to get up, and following the story of the match, does his best to get away from The Undertaker.

The Dead Man catches up to him once again, and throws him back into the cell, and the referee padlocks it shut one more time! Shawn is bleeding even more it seems, as it is flowing from the head of the Heart Break Kid.

The Undertaker has complete control now. He senses the time is right to put away the man who cost him the title, and starts it all off with a Chokeslam from the ropes! WOW! That isn’t enough though, as ‘Taker goes to the outside, and brings in a steel chair! As I’ve said before, this feud started with a chair shot, and The Undertaker wants it to end the same way. SICK chair shot to the bloodied head of Shawn Michaels, and payback is a BITCH! Undertaker signals that the end is here, but the lights go out, and we hear the eerie music of the man we discover to be… KANE!

Kane RIPS open the cell door, takes out the referee, and then stands face to face with his brother The Undertaker. He raises his arms, then brings them down to release fire from all 4 corners, just like The Undertaker has been known to do! The Undertaker is distracted, allowing Kane to hit a Tombstone!!!

Paul Bearer wakes the referee up, Shawn raises his head from the pool of blood he was lying in, and covers the Dead Man! A slow count, but The Undertaker is OUT of it. Shawn Michaels has WON!

Holy Shit! Every time I watch this match, I love it more and more. I love everything about it. From the way they build off the Ground Zero match with Shawn trying his best to simply get away, to the epic debut of Kane, which gives Shawn the big win, making him more credible going into the Survivor Series to fight for the title, while at the same time keeping The Undertaker credible from this loss, and further building The Undertaker/Kane feud that had been slowly boiling for months now.

People have been talking about Hell in a Cell matches for years, comparing them, ranking them, praising them and dissing them. I’ve seen people make excellent points as to why another cell match is more brutal, or why another cell match has more action, or why another cell match has better storytelling ect ect. That’s all good, people have different opinions, and that’s what makes us individuals. However, I do disagree with their opinions. I strongly believe that no other Hell in a Cell match has better storytelling, action, or even brutality. Sure, it might not be as straight up brutal as Brock Lesnar/The Undertaker, but it doesn’t have to be IMO. The fact that it’s built around one man just destroying the other makes it brutal to me. Then the blade job from Shawn, the fall from the cell, and the puddle of blood in the ring where Shawn is makes it just as brutal to me. It is only one of two cell matches that combines those three factors into the match (the second being The Undertaker Vs Edge, SummerSlam 2008), instead of just using two of the three, or in some cases, one.

This was the first ever Hell in a Cell match. I strongly believe that is has never been matched, and probably never will. It set the standard, and is the measuring stick not only for Hell in a Cell matches, but every other gimmick match too IMO. It shows perfectly how to combine storytelling, action and brutality into a single match, as well as how you put over both men involved, and even put over a completely new wrestler that has never been seen before the match (Kane). This was the first ever Hell in a Cell match, and I strongly believe it is the GREATEST MATCH OF ALL TIME. *****.

Huh, what? Oh, sorry. Booker T Vs Rey Mysterio. Chavo costs Rey the title because he sucks. Like this match. Rey was alright in it, but man Booker sucks hard. Didn’t help that most of the time Rey got any offence in, it seemed to be some shitty set up to a 619. You could make a drinking game out of it; take a shot every time Rey sets up a fecking 619. You’d be smashed before the match is over. Which probably helps immensely.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 13

Cyber Sunday 2006 PPV Ramblings

 

Cyber Sunday 2006

 

Yet another 06 PPV that I have to take the wrapping off lol. Think 2 more still have wrapping on too :p. All Raw shows :p.

 

Umaga Vs Kane

So the choice in this match was Umaga’s opponent. Kane, Benoit or Sandman. I enjoyed Kane/Umaga’s brawl at Unforgiven so I’m ok with this decision, however BENOIT Vs Umaga would have been :mark:.

Kane won with 49%. Wow lol.

Huh, so these two had another match, a loser leaves Raw match, sending Kane to Smackdown! I guess it makes sense the fans would vote for Kane then, as it wasn’t just their Unforgiven match in their history.

SLUGEST~! AGAIN~! YEY~!

Love Kane’s Uppercut. Makes one epic sound.

RUNNING BUTT ATTACK~! IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!

SAMOAN SPIKE TO THE RINGPOST~! Silly Umaga, that’s not your opponent!

Kane is absolutely trying to cave in the skull of the SAMOAN BULLDOZER :mark:.

How great is Estrada on the outside btw? Always cheering on his guy, then when Kane gains control he gets worried and you can see him actually sweating like mad and fanning himself with his hat :p.

UMAGA HEAD FIRST INTO THE RING POST~! Kinda like Sting in that match with Vader, except Umaga wasn’t trying to hit his finishing move and overshot it or anything retarded like that :p.

A distraction from Estrada, and the SAMOAN SPIKE puts an end to the Big Red Machine!

Good stuff again! One of these days I’ll look up their Loser Leaves Raw match to see if that was any good too.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Sharmell trying to convince Big Show to help Booker T out tonight. Big Show turns her down.

 

Cryme Tyme Vs Viscera & Charlie Hass Vs The Highlanders Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – Texas Tornado Match

Ha, Cryme Tyme are kewl because they ain’t using no I’s in Cryme Tyme. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE Y’S BABY~!

Crazy to think that JTG has ONLY just been released this year :lmao. Poor guy. He was living the dream.

Choices were Texas Tornado, Fatal Four Way and Tag Team Turmoil. Glad Texas Tornado won tbh. Can’t imagine this match would have been any good with the other stipulations. Not saying this is guaranteed to be good now, but at least an all out war should be fun, right?

The HIGHlanders with a HIGH risk move. Ha. Get it? HIGH. Speaking of HIGH, it’s Cryme Tyme! :p

JTG Vs Hass… JTG does a bunch of hippy hoppy moves or something and gets a GERMAN SUPLEX for his troubles. Ha.

SWEET N SOUR~!

Cryme Tyme STEAL the win from Cade and Murdoch. Ha. I get it.

Well this was… fine I guess. Short as fuck. Probably for the best :p.

:lmao Cryme Tyme celebrate with Lawler and JR and steal Lawler’s laptop. JR first bumps Lawler. Awesome.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

HBK constantly pressing a button on a laptop. This leads to one of the GOAT segments ever. HBK RUNNING AROUND SUPERKICKING RANDOM PEOPLE~!

“Hey, buddy, what’s you name?”

“Stan.”

SUPERKICK~!

“I just kicked STAN!”

:lmao.

 

Jeff Hardy Vs Carlito – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

After watching both men be utter shite in their matches at Unforgiven, I have no desire to sit through this. Oh, other options were Shelton and Nitro.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Randy Orton & Edge – Special Guest Referee: Eric Bischoff

DX Vs Rated RKO. Options were for either Bischoff, Vince McMahon or THE COACH to be the guest referee. Everyone picked Bischoff because there were heavy rumours of a DX Vs NWO match in the future :p.

Shawn exposes Edge’s arse, while Randy stands on the apron with a look of “what have I got myself into tagging with this ejit?” on this face :p.

According to Lawler, the fans have made some well well decisions tonight. Nope, no type there. Well well decisions.

Pretty dull and uninspiring first half of this match. DX shine period, then suddenly Rated RKO are in control and HHH has a shitty FIP segment. Hot tag to Shawn that eventually leads to him taking a turn at being FIP and this is where shit picks up because HBK is actually a good FIP.

Fuck me Bischoff must be the slowest counting referee in the world. And not in the heel way where he counts slow for DX… every count is unbelievably SLOW :lmao.

Unfortunately HBK being a good FIP doesn’t help much when Orton and Edge are boring as fuck on offence.

SPEAR TO BISCHOFF~!

SPEAR AND RKO TO HHH~!

Another referee comes in and… HHH kicks out :lmao. He took a Spear then an RKO and still kicked out :lmao.

SUPERKICK TO ORTON~! I could watch Orton get superkicks in the face all day.

BISCHOFF PULLS OUT THE OTHER REFEREE TO BREAK UP THE COUNT~!

CHAIR TO HBK~!

CHAIR TO HHH~!

RKO ON THE CHAIR~!

And Rated RKO get the win.

Well this was fucking DULL until the last few minutes when they go into the finishing stretch. But that alone doesn’t help it because the finishing stretch was built to with boring, dull shitty crap.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Lita Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Diva Lumberjacks Match

So this is the final of a tournament, since Trish retired with the belt after winning it from Lita at Unforgiven.

Choices were Lumberjack, Submission and No DQ. DQ missed out with about 5%. Bah. Shouldn’t this be a Lumberjill match anyway? 8*D

Any excuse to have all the divas surrounding the ring lol. I swear I could only name half of them :lmao.

“There’s no such thing as a sure thing, unless it’s name is Lita” :lmao.

It’s slow, it’s sloppy, but I can’t take my eyes off it :p.

Lita wins. Yey :D.

Shame the match was awful :lmao.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

OH NOES THE SPIRIT SQUAD ARE BREAKING APART! WON’T SOMEBODY STOP THE MADNESS?!?!

 

The Spirit Squad Vs Ric Flair & Roddy Piper – World Tag Team Championship Match

It’s Flair and Piper. But it’s Flair and Piper in 06. Well, Piper in 06. Flair is still awesome in any decade tbh. But their opponents are male cheerleaders. But this is Piper’s first and only tag title win in WWE, and if I’m not mistaken only his second title in the company ever too (first was IC in 92). And Piper unfortunately got diagnosed with Cancer and had to drop the belt too (thankfully he kicked it’s arse).

Ah screw it, it’s fucking FLAIR AND PIPER. I’m gonna endure :).

The other options for Flair’s partner, Slaughter and Dusty, come out to ringside anyway to even the odds. Only 4 legends at ringside, but most of them count as 2 people :side: :p.

Sad to see the state of Piper at this time tbh :(. I wanna make a joke about how fat he looks but I don’t know if that was anything to do with his cancer or not, and well, Cancer is a sensitive subject for me and I don’t like making jokes about it regardless.

:lmao Kenny has a sleeper on Piper, who stars moving Kenny’s legs and walking him over to Flair to try and make a tag :p. He may be old, he may be a little out of shape, but he can still be awesome :).

JR bringing up Flair and Piper’s history from Mid-Atlantic :mark:.

FIGURE FOUR~!

SUPER MEGA HIGH TOP ROPE LEG DROP BY KENNY TO BREAK IT UP~! Pretty impressive leg drop tbh.

FIGURE FOUR AGAIN~! Piper stops Kenny from breaking it up, and FLAIR AND PIPER WIN THE WORLD TAG TITLES!!!

Well, if I skipped this I wouldn’t have been missing much at all, but oh well :p.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Booker T trying to convince Cena to help him tonight since Show turned him down. Cena wants Booker to whore out Sharmell for the night in order to help him. THE FACE OF THE WWE, FOLKS!!! BOOKER T AGREES :lmao. Cena claims he was joking. Yeah, ok. I BELIEVE YOU :side:.

 

John Cena Vs The Big Show Vs Booker T – World Heavyweight Championship Match

CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS MATCH~! The fans got to decide which title is on the line. They went with Booker T because I guess they hoped someone would win it from him because fuck me Booker T was awful. Oh, sorry, KING Booker. When he was twice as annoying as usual…

Ha, there is some music in the video package that totally reminds me of Halo. Then it switches up to the shitty PPV theme :(. Now I wanna play Halo again. The first, of course.

BOOKER AND CENA ARE NOT DAWGS~! :lmao JR is awesome.

Cena decks Booker, and Booker fucks off to the floor leaving Show to maul Cena. Good strategy for Booker, and great for fans as it cuts down on Booker action :D.

Dammit, Booker is back in the match :(. Axe Kick’s Big Show while he’s leaning on the ropes. Guess that was pretty cool. Yey Big Show is killing Booker :D. Crazy to think that at this time, the ECW CHAMPION was the best major champion in the company. Benoit is the current US champ so I didn’t want to say Show is the best champ overall :p.

:lmao at clearly being able to see Big Show preparing himself to get knocked over the ropes by Cena and Booker.

Big Show’s beard appears to be sweating. Oh no, it’s just him drooling as usual. WHY DOES BIG SHOW DROOL SO MUCH?!?!

BOOKEND~! CENA KICKS OUT~!

Oh my god there is still 15 minutes of the show left? So at least 10 minutes of match probably? I wanna cry.

Big Show took a bump on the steel steps and was knocked out for like 5 whole minutes :|. Leaving us with Booker Vs Cena.

Then finally Show returns to the match and it picks up again. Basically: Big Show = fun. Booker & Cena = SOMEONE SHOOT ME.

*sigh* Show gets a steel chair kicked in his face and he seems to be out of the match again.

F-U TO SHARMELL. WHO DIDN’T GET INVOLVED IN THIS MATCH ONCE. THE FACE OF THE WWE, FOLKS! What a guy.

:lmao Kevin Federline gets involved :lmao. Remember his feud with Cena? :lmao

WHC TO THE FACE OF CENA~! BOOKER T WINS~!

:lmao

This. Was. Awful. Big Show was the ONLY good thing in the match and unfortunately he got knocked out of it twice.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 1.5

Unforgiven 2006 PPV Ramblings

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Unforgiven 2006

 

Had to take the wrapping off this! Bought it a few years ago and, well, never bothered watching it :p. It gets a lot of praise as being one of the better single brand PPV’s… but uhhh… looking at the card and remembering that I never liked the main event much, not sure it’s gonna fair all that well with me :p.

 

Johnny Nitro Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Yey Melina.

MELINA’S CLEAVAGE~! No, not being a random perve as usual. THE COMMENTATORS ARE TALKING ABOUT IT :lmao.

A “Nitro sucks” chant. Did we travel back in time to 1999? 8*D

Hardy keeps catching Nitro with a STEAMBOAT ARM DRAG, so Nitro gets pissed off and goes for one of his own… except Hardy avoids it and Nitro ends up spinning like a tit and landing on the mat :lmao.

:lmao Nitro gets hit in the balls and Melina is absolutely desperate to check on them :lmao.

Nice bump off the turnbuckle onto the ropes and to the mat by Jeff. A good transition spot.

Nitro works over the leg… with incredibly basic stuff, but some of the KICKS he does are real nice, and Hardy takes the “Mr Perfect holding onto the ropes and taking a bump off being hit in the leg” bump to the extreme by doing a full flip!

Hmmm, looks like it might rain. Sky is getting pretty dark outside. Oh, uhhh, the match. Yeah, Nitro is still just doing stuff to Hardy’s leg.

Oh look Hardy can barely walk yet manages to jump onto the ropes and jump off with a high risk move…

POWERBOMB~!

MELINA HITS JEFF WITH HER BOOT~! NITRO WINS~!

What a dull match. A few good spots here and there, but for the most part it was just uninspiring leg work from Nitro than in the end kinda went nowhere because Melina ended up beating Jeff in the end anyway.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

:lmao Teddy Long sat all alone in a sky box watching the show :p.

 

THE HARDY BOYS AND LITA BACKSTAGE~! Lita’s boobs are amazing.

 

Umaga Vs Kane

OOOO OOOOO OOOOOMAGA!

YOUMANGA~!

Damn, Umaga has been on the main roster for 5 months and this is his first PPV match? That’s what JR just said, anyway. Seems like it should be wrong, but I don’t bloody remember if he was on a PPV before this :p.

SLUGFEST~!

:lmao at Estrada breaking one of his Cuban’s in half to signal time for the SAMOAN SPIKE, then Kane retaliates and Estrada picks up one of the halfs of the Cuban from the mat and sticks it back in his mouth :p. LIVING THE GIMMICK~!

Kane just won a headbutt exchange. WIth a Samoan. Wrestling logic tells me that is bullshit.

Boooooo they end up getting counted out as they brawl into the crowd. Shame, this was a pretty good battle between the two monsters, and it would have been nice to see a proper finish.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

The Spirit Squad Vs The Highlanders – World Tag Team Championship Match

Ummmm… no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & The Big Show – Hell in a Cell Match

The debut of the new, taller HIAC, which basically told fans “LOL NOBODY IS EVER GOING UP TO THE TOP AGAIN”. Until PAUL HEYMAN of all people did it in 2013 :lmao.

:lmao, Big Show tells the McMahons to STAND BACK (get it? hahahahahahaha) while he takes care of DX. So DX kick him in the balls and attack the McMahons anyway :lmao.

:lmao poor Big Show. He starts to get back up… so DX kick him in the balls AGAIN :lmao.

:mark: awesome bump right into the side of the cell by Shane. HE’S BUSTED WIDE OPEN~! Didn’t take long :p.

Vince gets sent into the side of the cell too and I TOTALLY DIDN’T SEE HIM BLADE AT ALL HONEST…

HHH IS SCREWING VINCE MCMAHON~!

Both the McMahons are bloodied and battered, but the GIANT wakes up finally and turns the tide… for about a minute :lmao.

Big Show gets back up again and NOW the tide turns properly to allow the heels a control segment. HHH GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM :mark:.

Vince and Shane absolutely destroy HHH in the ring, while Show stands on the outside and makes sure HBK doesn’t get back up :mark:.

COAST TO COAST~!

Love how they are playing up on an ear injury angle they did the week before with HHH :mark:. He’s all off balance and shit and it’s fucking him up, and now after the coast to coast his ear is bleeding like fuck :mark:.

HBK takes a turn in getting absolutely mauled in the ring, and is even done for a 3 count, but Vince McMahon picks him up after a 2 count a couple of times because he wants to destroy him some more! Works well in a blood feud like this :).

HHH comes in to try and help and gets cut off by Shane and a backbreaker… which gets turned into a neckbreaker type move but… I have no idea if it was an offensive move from Shane or defensive move from HHH :lmao.

KISS MY ASS CLUB MEETING~!

Shawn puts Vince in the way of a Big Show splash, and Big Show nearly starts crying :lmao. And then gets his balls rammed into the ring post. Big Show’s balls have perhaps taken the biggest beating tonight :lmao.

Big comeback from DX, leading to HBK elbow dropping a chair wrapped around Shane’s neck! Guess he won’t be able to run the company after Vince now. HHH best step up and be his replacement… :p.

CHAIR SHOT TO THE… STOMACH OF BIG SHOW~!

SUPERKICK~! Show is out cold and bent over the ropes… bet that doesn’t lead to anything :side:.

:mark: Vince standing back up and facing DX while looking like he’s gonna kill em both is awesome. Then DX pull down Show’s trousers and, well, Vince’s head gets shoved up Show’s arse :lmao.

SUPER KICK~!

SLEDGEHAMMER BROKEN OVER THE BACK OF VINCE’S NECK~!

And with that, DX get the win!

Fuck me what a super, SUPER fun match. Brutal as fuck, some great spots and some comedy thrown into the mix too. Me likes this.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Lita Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Trish’s retirement match!

Only fitting that her last match (at the time) would be against Lita :). The GOAT women’s rivalry in WWE.

Lita’s theme is awful. I preferred the one without lyrics. That version didn’t have someone screaming nonsense.

Hand stand head scissors and Thez Presses off the apron are things we see in just the first few minutes! They’re putting more effort into this match than Orton has in 90% of his matches for the last few years :p.

Surprised Trish went for a high risk move off the apron though, given the uhhh… injuries these two have sustained doing crazy shit against each other lol.

So the Women’s title can be traced back to 1956, and in 50 years the title has only changed hands ONCE in Toronto! Was probably never defended in Toronto until the last 6 years though :p.

Sweet jebus they are really going all out for this match. They battle on the top rope and both fall onto the apron and splat right on the floor!

MOONSAU… TRISH MOVED~!

STRATISFAC… LITA COUNTERED AND DUMPS TRISH TO THE FLOOR~!

Fuck me these two and punching the shit out of each other! To hell with Kane/Umaga, this is where it’s at lol.

CHICK KICK~!

LITA KICKS OUT~!

SHARPSHOOTER~! LITA TAPS OUT! LITA TAPS OUT!

Trish wins the Women’s title in her retirement match!

Good match! Not the best women’s match in WWE history, but certainly one of the better ones. Which yeah, ain’t saying much, but I still liked it :p.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Randy Orton Vs Carlito

:lmao Carlito decides to be all flashy with a springboard moonsault, landing on his feet then hitting a dropkick. Orton then thumbs him in the eye for being a useless prick :p.

Oh look, more flipping by Carlito, including a Lionsault. Orton’s lip or mouth is bleeding. STUPID, STUPID. So uhhh… did Carlito’s career ever go anywhere after this? Just wondering :p.

HEADLOCK~! But unlike how he does it today, he really wrenches on it and with the blood coming out of his mouth he looks like a fucking PSYCHO :mark:.

Some back and forth stuff and then RKO~!

Well this was… a giant load of nothing for the most part. Carlito hit some fancy moves. Orton bled from the mouth. Then Carlito went for another fancy move and got caught with an RKO. And that’s pretty much it.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Edge Vs John Cena – WWE Championship TLC Match

So if Cena loses, he has to leave Raw. And he’s already got a 3 year contract worked out with Teddy Long lol.

CENA FEARS WORKRATE sign :lmao.

SPOT~!

SET UP THE NEXT SPOT.

SPOT~!

SET UP THE NEXT SPOT.

SPOT~!

SET UP THE NEXT SPOT.

SPOT~!

You get the idea.

Oh, almost forgot… BOTCH SPOT~!

:lmao at the F-U to a LADDER onto Edge. That might be the dumbest spot in a ladder/tlc match since RVD did that kick at SummerSlam 2001 despite being nowhere near Jeff to actually connect :p.

“I LOVE A GOOD FIST BUMP, JR”

Edge places Cena on a table… then sets up another table ON TOP OF CENA and tries to dive off the ropes through them. Because EDGE GOING THROUGH A TABLE AND THEN CENA IS GONNA BE THE SMARTEST THING POSSIBLE. Fucking moron.

MOAR SPOTS~!

LITA~! She LIFTS the ladder with Cena on it and pushes him over the ropes through a table!!!

:lmao Edge ends up having almost the same thing done to him… and Cena spends about 2 minutes just looking like a retard as he stalls for time before even attempting to climb the ladder. And oh look, when he DOES finally start climbing, Edge has recovered! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

F-U THROUGH THOSE 2 TABLES SET UP EARLIER. Cena wins the title.

Not my thing. Spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot spot. With nothing behind them or anything. Just SPOTZ~!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3

No Way Out 2006 PPV Ramblings

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No Way Out 2006

 

Oh hey, it’s the PPV that got me into Theory of a Deadman, thanks to their “Deadly Game” song used as the PPV theme :).

 

Gregory Helms Vs Scotty 2 Hotty Vs Kid Kash Vs Psicosis Vs Super Crazy Vs Paul London Vs Nunzio Vs Brian Kendrick Vs Funaki – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

A 9 way CW title match. I’m predicting a spot-fest-mess :p.

Scotty 2 Hotty in a title match in 2006. Gotta love it :p.

:lmao Kid Kash goes for a moonsault… but Funaki is too far away. But the spot called for him to roll out of the way… and he ends up rolling TOWARDS where Kash is landing… but Kash was supposed to land on his feet, and nearly double stomped the fuck out of poor Funaki :p.

Helms has a big target on his back in this match, after claiming he was the best CW in the world and he could beat everyone. So he does his best to avoid everyone by staying on the outside so he can pick his spots.

Everyone gets their shit in, and it’s fun to watch I guess, not much more. Helms ends up taking a bunch of finishers from everyone as they try to get the win. Gotta love how he has to sell the WORM like death :lmao.

DEAD LEVEL~!

MOONSAULT~!

HELMS STEALS THE WIN~!

Like I said, it’s fun to watch.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Booker T is trying to get out of his match with Benoit tonight. I wish he was successful tbh. I’d rather never see Booker wrestle again :p.

 

Kristal and her boobs gets interrupted by FINLAY who is looking for a fight. So he kidnaps Kristal and comes out to the ring! THONG~! Lashley, who ends up actually marrying Kristal I think, comes out to make the save! Finlay beats him up, and out comes JBL for his match with Lashley! JBL runs down in hopes of capitalising on Finlay’s beatdown, but Lashley fires back before he can get in the ring, and the match is gonna start with no advantage for JBL!

 

JBL Vs Bobby Lashley

JBL hits Lashley, who no sells it, and JBL just shouts DAMN as he knows he’s fucked. Lashley lays in some pretty good shots on Bradshaw. I was definitely a fan of Lashley back in the day. He had a ton of potential, and was put in the ring with a lot of veterans who could really help him out (mainly FINLAY), but I think WWE’s obsession with pushing certain people too fast screwed him up. I hope the same doesn’t happen to Roman Reigns :(.

The rookie makes a mistake, and JBL makes sure to take advantage with a boot to the fucking face :mark:. Time for the big Texan to beat up another rookie :p.

Michael Cole just had to use LEGOS as an example to explain something to Tazz…

BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX~!

BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX~!

BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX~!

SOMEHOW JBL IS BUSTED OPEN FROM THOSE BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEXES~!

HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!?! :lmao

Lashley is about to get the win, until Finlay returns! Smashes Lashley in the throat with the Shillelagh, and JBL follows up with a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~!

THE STREAK IS OVER!!!

Pretty darn solid match :).

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

TONIGHT’S SPECIAL GUEST… BATISTA! He had to forfeit the WHC in January after Mark Henry injured him at a house show. He’s not ready to return yet, but I guess they didn’t want fans to forget him :p.

 

:lmao a brunette women in the crowd has a t-shirt that says “I have a nightmare I was a blonde” :lmao. That’s awesome.

 

Orton is backstage with Angle of all people, saying that when Batista comes back, it won’t be Angle or Undertaker who is WHC, it’ll be HIM.

 

MNM Vs Matt Hardy & Tatanka

I think Melina’s entrance is definitely a contender for GOAT entrance. Between her and Undertaker, for VERY different reasons. One is just pure awesome and the other makes me feel tingly in my man parts. I’ll let you decide which is which ;).

So uhhh… how fucking RANDOM was Tatanka as Hardy’s partner lol? In fact how random was his return in general? :p

MNM seem to be caught off guard with Tatanka being Matt’s partner, and they just can’t get going to start with. Luckily their numbers game comes into play, and Melina is able to get involved to help out her boys.

Tazz on Melina’s scream: “It’s a little annoying, but it also turns me on…” :p.

Awesome spot where Nitro dives off the ropes and lands right into a killer clotheslines from Tatanka!

Fun finishing stretch, ending with Tatanka hitting a Samoan Drop at the same time Hardy hits a Twist of Fate, and the tag champs have been upset in this non title match!

Solid match. Tatanka looked pretty good.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Booker T Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United States Championship Match

I’ve skipped all their other matches from 2005. People were angry at me :p. But they told me I should definitely skip this one. SO I’M GONNA WATCH IT 8*D.

Nah, I’m bluffing.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Randy Orton – Rey’s WrestleMania Title Opportunity On The Line

EDDIESPLOTATION~!

Despite the awful use of the Eddie Guerrero name in the build up for this… I am looking forward to the match because I’ve always loved it :mark:.

Orton is channelling his inner PRICK. DICK. CUNT. All of those things. He’s just a poopy head. And it’s fucking awesome. Mocking Rey, slapping him in the face, laughing at him, and beating the fuck out of him.

The fans actually start an RKO chant at one point, but he tells them to shut up because he doesn’t need their help, and they respond with a Randy Sucks chant :p.

:mark: Orton catches Rey coming off the apron, and swings him into the ring post. Rey sells the arm like death, and Orton wastes no time going after it.

His arm work is basic, but looks nasty and has those little touches like bending the fingers back that make me :mark:. I miss this Orton so damn much :(. I watched his match with Roman Reigns from SummerSlam a few hours before this, and it might as well have been Roman Reigns Vs Generic Rookie with a cool finisher. And NOTHING Orton has done so far is a big crazy move that would in ANY WAY risk his health. It’s all simple shit that anyone could do… yet for some reason nobody fucking does.

Great heel work by Orton + great comeback attempts and selling by Rey is pretty much a perfect formula for this match.

ORTON’S HEAD IS BLEEDING~! From a… ummm… neck breaker type move. Apparently. Unless he got busted open a few moves prior and the blood only just started appearing now :p.

619 is avoided, and Randy rolls up little Rey, grabs the ropes, and steals Rey’s WM title opportunity!!!

Orton is a grade A DICK. And he’s damn good at it. Rey is one of the best babyfaces you are likely to ever see. Awesome match.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Kurt Angle Vs The Undertaker – World Heavyweight Championship Match

:mark:

For a VERY long time, I had this match right up there with the Taker/HBK HIAC as my favourite match ever. These days nothing really comes close to the HIAC for me, but I still adore this match and always get excited to see it!

Love how this one starts. Undertaker is the striker, and runs right at Kurt with a big boot, but Angle has the speed and wrestling ability to help him avoid shit like that. Angle applies a waist lock and SHOVES Undertaker, who retaliates by swinging his arm around to try and deck the Olympic Gold Medallist, who ducks and RUNS AWAY. Undertaker realises that he needs to change up his game plan if Angle can keep avoiding those big shots, so he decides to play the wrestling game with Angle!

The arm work Undertaker does in the beginning of a match to wear his opponents down and set them up for bigger stuff is always something I enjoy, but holy fuck it might be the best example of it right here. He looks to hit Angle a little harder and Angle is definitely putting it over as a real threat to him in the match.

GERMAN SUPLEX~! Undertaker got fucking LAUNCHED.

APRON LEG DROP~!

Angle knows he’s in trouble now and decides to target the legs of the Dead Man. Undertaker’s selling is awesome, and I love him being able to just swat Angle away with a HUGE right hand to gain some separation, but Angle is a wrestling machine and keeps coming back and attacking those legs anyway :mark:.

FIGURE FOUR ON THE RING POST~!

Undertaker again throws Angle off him, and is able to follow up this time with a few shots. He sets Kurt up for another apron leg drop, while still selling the leg like a fucking GOAT… but Angle counters the leg drop into a fucking ANKLE LOCK :mark:. Awesome spot!

Angle brutalises Undertaker with the Ankle Lock, holding on to it for a count of 7 before going back into the ring to break up the count… then goes back out and does the same thing again!

Undertaker reminds me a lot of Benoit in how even when getting beat on, he is always trying to get back on the attack, always fighting to try and escape the hold and turn it around on his opponent. One of my favourite things from both guys tbh!

TRIANGLE CHOKE~! Angle gets to the ropes though, but Undertaker is smart enough to hold on for the full 5 count before breaking! Now Angle is suffering, putting them potentially on even ground!

The Dead Man decides it’s time to END this one, and takes apart the announce table to put Angle through it! But he ends up getting distracted by the referee, who ends up running away in terror, and when he gets back to Angle, he walks right into an ANGLE SLAM thought the table!!!

The referee gets to 9, Undertaker is nowhere near the ring and… KURT ANGLE BREAKS THE COUNT! He doesn’t want to win a match like that. He wants to BEAT The Undertaker and prove he’s the fucking BEST.

:lmao Angle gets thrown into the ring steps, then bounces off them and ends up smashing himself throat first into a piece of the table Undertaker removed earlier :p.

TOP ROPE BELLY TO BELLY~!

CHOKESLAM COUNTERED INTO THE ANKLE LOCK~!

ANKLE LOCK COUNTERED INTO THE TRIANGLE CHOKE~!

TRIANGLE CHOKE COUNTERED INTO AN ANKLE LOCK~!

Great sequence of counters right there!

CHOKESLAM~! KICK OUT~!

LAST RIDE COUNTERED INTO THE ANKLE LOCK~!

ANGLE SLAM~! KICK OUT~!

Angle drops the straps… and Undertaker SITS UP :mark:.

Both men have renewed life and continue to battle head on!

TOMBSTONE ATTEMPT COUNTERED INTO A TOMBSTONE ATTEMPT FROM ANGLE COUNTERED INTO A TOMBSTONE ATTEMPT COUNTERED INTO THE ANKLE LOCK~!

Some AMAZING counters!

Undertaker again breaks free, this time by kicking the hands of Angle with his other leg to break the grip!

ANGLE SLAM~!

UNDERTAKER CATCHES ANGLE WITH A TRIANGLE CHOKE~!

Angle looks to be out of it, but musters up enough strength to roll Undertaker up while still in the hold! The referee counts to 3 and awards the match to Kurt Angle, even though he should have been checking Angle for a submission!

Incredible match still. Just incredible. I don’t think I can ever get bored of this one. Undertaker is awesome. Angle is awesome. Despite seemingly having a bunch of counters and finishers at the end, honestly I felt for the most part they were REALLY well done, and both men continued to sell the effects of them even while getting offence in themselves.

Rating: ****3/4
CAL SCALE – 8

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 15