Month: October 2013

Survivor Series 2000

YOU WERE ALL PUPPETS. YOU WERE ALL FOOLS. YOU WERE ALL LIVING A LIE.

T&A & Trish Stratus Vs Steve Blackman, Crash Holly & Molly Holly

Mmmmm TRISH FAP FAP and MOLLY FAP FAP. Oh yeah, Molly was hot.

Dammit, why did Blackman have to be in this match? I WANT CRAZY HARDCORE TITLE MATCHES DAMMIT.

So this is happening because after the APA were taken out by T&A, they left Crash in charge… only for T&A(PA) to kick him out and take over the office. Crash is defending the honour of the APA and Blackman is randomly helping him lol.

MOLLY RIGHT ON TOP OF ALBERT. NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THAT!  JR is awesome.

So this was ok. Kinda fun, but a complete nothing match tbh. MOLLY AND TRISH’S TITS. That’s about it.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

LOL. Angle, Edge & Christian segment. E&C are making excuses for not wanting to help him tonight in his match against THE UNDERTAKER. Angle seems oddly confident. Hmmm… I smell a screwjob…

Lo Down can’t get into the building. Good.

Road Dogg, K-Kwik, Billy Gunn & Chyna Vs The Radicals – Survivor Series Elimination Match

3 former DX members together again . And then K-Truth or R-Kwik or whatever his name is happens to be there. Hmmm…. K – KwiK. KKK. 

Cool to see Road Dogg & Billy Gunn as the last 2 guys on their team when it comes down to a 3 on 2 situation. Shame nothing ever really came of DX kicking Gunn out after NWO when he got injured and lost the tag belts. I seem to remember a HEAT match with Billy and X-Pac, maybe Road Dogg too, but that was it. No real redemption or anything.

Billy Gunn ends up in a 3 on 1 situation. He loses in the end. Meh. Didn’t think much to this at all, which given some of the talent involved is a shame.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Kane Vs Chris Jericho

So this feud started over coffee. So the match HAS to be good.

 how fucking sloppy is Jericho at times *cough*most of his career*cough*? Nearly killed himself in a Lesnar-Extreme Rules 2012-over the ropes way about 2 minutes into the match. That was after he dropkicked Kane over the ropes… except he almost completely missed Kane .

GORY SPECIAL by Kane! Except he holds Jericho BY HIS FUCKING FACE. Awesome. Because Kane hates Jericho’s face. That’s what this feud is all about. That and coffee. Stephanie had taken over creative about a month earlier. Doesn’t show… .

Fuck me sideways and call me Mary (but only on weekends, that’s when I dress up you see), HOW FUCKING STRONG IS KANE? I know he’s always been considered one of the strongest on the roster, and I think even Undertaker said something like that in the It’s My Yard doc… but damn. There are a couple of times in the match where he absolutely POWERS up Jericho for a couple of spots when Jericho doesn’t seem to be in a good position to help out. Kane damn near presses Jericho overhead WITH ONE ARM at one point on the outside.

Jericho, aside from being a sloppy cunt (reminds me of a girl I knew… what?), is pretty good in this too. He holds his own during a couple of brawling sequences in convincing ways, and I love his comeback. Catches Kane coming off the ropes with a dropkick, catches a big boot from kick and sweeps the legs out and then builds his offence from there as we go into a finish.

The big red coffee monster wins in the end with a sweet chokeslam. Good match, wasn’t expecting much from anything on this show aside from Rock/Rikishi and Undertaker/Angle, so this was a nice surprise.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

William Regal Vs Hardcore Holly – WWF European Championship Match

ANDY IS GOD sign in the crowd. So he was always awesome, huh?

 Holly takes what might be the slowest “shoulder to the ringpost” spot ever. Guess he is nervous due to only recently returning from his broken arm.

Some nice STIFFNESS in this. One spot where Holly blasts Regal in the face a couple of times, so Regal just decks him with an elbow to the face. Holly stops punching.

Lawler doesn’t think we have BBQ sauce in the UK. Moron. We just don’t have the weather for BBQ’s! 

Regal tries to destroy Holly’s bad arm, and in the end Holly gets pissed off and blasts Regal with the European title belt and gets DQ’d. Eh match. Crowd shit on it, and it’s a little dull too.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0

TRISH FAP FAP TITS FAP FAP. She is throwing herself at Angle, but he thinks she’s offering him the services of T&A.

Rikishi Vs The Rock

I DID IT, FOR THE ROCK. BUT REALLY, I DID IT FOR HHH. BECAUSE I WASN’T GETTING OVER ENOUGH AS A HEEL.

I’M A BAAAAD MAN.

HHH drove a car past Rock 6 days ago… and Rikishi was hanging out of the window with a sledgehammer and smashed it into Rock’s gut. Then Rock wrestled BENOIT on SD and Rikishi crushed him with a Bonzai drop. Guy’s ribs gotta be FUCKED, right? 10 seconds into the match and Rock hits a Samoan Drop on RIKISHI as if nothing happened. WHAT A CUNT.

Rock finally sells the fucking ribs once Rikishi starts to maul them. SLEDGEHAMMER comes out but doesn’t get used and instead Rikishi gets a Rock Bottom. Thankfully Rock doesn’t get the win (yet… *sigh) because he’s too hurt and the referee was taken out on the outside and takes his time getting his arse back in the ring. Fuck me, Rikishi was down for about a minute after the Rock Bottom and still barely kicked out at 2. Would have been a bigger injustice than Booker T at WM 19 if he lost to that. Then again Booker didn’t deserve to win at WM 19 so fuck how long it took HHH to cover him which wasn’t even that long anyway just a bunch of cunts make it out to be 5 minutes or some shit. Get a life you twats. Booker T sucks.

Fuck me, Rikishi hits a Samoan Drop then does that sit down splash thingy and Rock kicked out at 2 with no time between the move and the cover. Yet a Rock Bottom to a perfectly healthy Rikishi nearly ended the match after like 2 minutes of resting between the move and the pin? BUUUUULLLSHIT.

Yes! Shove your fat arse in Rock’s face! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH RIKISHI IS THE GOAT. THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Lol, Rock didn’t like that. He EXPLODES out of the corner with a clothesline and Rikishi does the awesome inside out bump off it . I always told you Rock was obsessed with men’s arses. Rikishi shoves his in Rock’s face and BAM, guy is making a comeback. Energised him. LOL.

Damn lol, Rikishi really sells the People’s Elbow. Guy is having a spasm on the mat. So that ends the match. This… this wasn’t as good as I remembered. Still solid shit and whatnot, but eh, not quite what I remembered.

Best part is after the match, where Rikishi fucking murders Rock with numerous Bonzai Drops.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Ivory Vs Lita – WWF Women’s Championship

LITA  FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

I stopped masturbating for like 2 seconds and saw about 10 botches in a row . Just one long sequence that was botched every step of the way . Then Ivory gets in control and things go smoothly . Sorry Lita, I love ya, but damn you botched the shit out of EVERYTHING in this one.

LITA gets busted open . Poor Lita. I’LL SAVE YOU.

Moonsault, Steven Richards pulls Ivory out of the ring and Lita is laid flat on the mat (uhhh… yey?).

LITA TAKES HER TOP OFF.

Moonsault and Ivory… does something (nobody knows if she got the knees up or got the title belt up lol) and LITA loses . Replay shows it was a mixture of both.

If it wasn’t for LITA this would be the worst thing ever.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

Jericho attacks Kane!!! THEY AIN’T DONE WITH THEIR FEUD!!! NOBODY GETS OVER SPILT COFFEE IN JUST ONE MATCH!

Kurt Angle Vs The Undertaker – WWF Championship Match

IT’S TIME FOR THE GOLDEN BOY TO TAKE HIS LAST RIDE.

Man, Undertaker is playing MIND GAMES right from the start by having a prolonged entrance (LOL considering what he does now I know). His music keeps playing while he’s in the ring and he grabs the WWF title from the referee and poses with it, and doesn’t even take his coat off. He’s making Angle, THE CHAMPION, wait until he’s ready, because he’s the fucking DEAD MAN and this is his 10th year since he debuted and he’s the fucking MAN.

Angle refuses to get in the ring even after the music stops because, well, Undertaker is fired up and would destroy him from the get go. So Undertaker brings in a chair, throws it to Angle and lets him BLAST HIM in the back before the bell. Angle thinks he got the better end of the deal… until Undertaker fires back and shows Angle that not even a fucking STEEL CHAIR can even the odds for him.

Moment where Angle realises the chair didn’t mean shit is awesome. He’s been punching Undertaker in the FACE repeatedly since the chair shot, and actually tires himself out from all the punching… only to look up and see Undertaker stand up straight and tell him to bring it. AWESOME. Move aside, LITA, I’m fapping to this instead!!! 

 Angle is tremendous at some of his reactions in this. The one I just mentioned, plus when Undertaker is chasing him down you can hear him scream “YOU GET AWAY FROM ME!”, and then when Undertaker catches him on the outside to smash his back into the ring post he’s screaming “oh god no” and looks like he’s about to cry . Goofy Angle who could go in the ring without spamming moves was great.

Whole story of this match seems to be that Undertaker is the 10 year veteran and he just HAS Angle’s number. Kurt keeps fighting but Undertaker keeps putting him down. So Angle has to resort to other measures, such as an Edge & Christian run in that costs Undertaker TWO separate victories. The legs of Undertaker keep coming into play too, as Angle already knows they are the weak point as they were a major factor in their first PPV match back at Fully Loaded (FULLY LOADED  ).

Dammit, got all excited for the Tombstone but they just teased me .

Angle goes under the ring, Undertaker brings him back out and hits a Last Ride, ref counts 1… ref counts 2… ref stops! Then Angle runs in and rolls up Undertaker for the win! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!

Eric Angle, that’s what just happened! And the tradition of screw job finishes at Survivor Series continues! 

Yeah, this match is still great.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Edge & Christian & The Goodfather & Bull Buchanan Vs The Dudley Boys & The Hardy Boys – Survivor Series Elimination Match

Well damn, I forgot Bull and Goodfather were actually TAG CHAMPS at one point.

QUADRUPLE DDT~!

EDGEAMATIC~!

LONGEST TAG TEAM MIS-COMMUNICATION SPOT SEQUENCE EVER~!

Finish is the dumbest shit ever. Goodfather clotheslines Val, falls over and gets pinned.

Match has some fun moments but otherwise is a giant load of nothing. Val and Stevie go through tables.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Steve Austin Vs Triple H – No DQ Match

Trips has a cool non lyrical version of MY TIME for his theme here. Makes him seem like a real bad cunt, which I guess was the point. HE TRIED TO DROP THINGS ON AUSTIN’S HEAD.

So this is a yawnathon. Most interesting fight here is Austin Vs Timekeeper’s Table.

Match “ends” when Austin dumps HHH upside down in a car from like 20ft using a forklift. And HHH comes back like 2 weeks later as if nothing happened. Hilarious.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 6

No Mercy 2000

I’M LOOKING AT RIKISHI, AND I’M LOOKING AT A DEAD MAN.

2 Cool Vs Lo Down Vs Tazz & Raven Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Right to Censor – The Dudley Boys Tag Team Elimination Table Invitational Match

Is the match name long enough? So apparently this was BYOT: Bring your own table.

Lo Down. What a low point for the tag division in 2000. They get eliminated first. Whatever.

TAZZ AND RAVEN. They were both in ECW so they needed to be teamed together obviously. Though it is better than the alternative; a singles push for Raven. Never understood his hype. Not that good in the ring, overrated like a motherfucker on the mic. Shame Tazz’s body was breaking down by this point. Would have liked to have seen more of him in WWF. IC title run with him being more of his ECW “Ultimate Fighter” style worker or whatever could have been cool. 20 minutes on PPV between Tazz and Benoit? YUSH PWESE!

 GMS broke a table with his feet doing a sunset flip, and the ref just ignores it. YOU FUCKED UP chant. Well deserved. Would have been awesome had GMS’ pants fallen down and broken the table instead.

WORM UNDER A TABLE. GOAT WORM EVER. Then he gets eliminated. Tazz and Raven continue on!

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYS! So is this WWF or ECW? WWF of course because nobody has bladed like fuck yet for no reason and New Jack hasn’t shown up to dive 100ft off a platform onto the concrete because he’s a moron.

So Tazz & Raven get eliminated at some point. Bull and Goodfather are out next/last. Ref bump. Bull through a table. Chair shot to Bubba. Falls on top of Bull. Goodfather moves Bull. Ref wakes up. Looks like Bubba went through the table. LOL.

Another ref shows up to tell him what happened. Match restarts. Dudleys win. STOP RANDOMLY DECIDING WHEN YOU WILL RESTART MATCHES AND SHIT. BENOIT USED THE ROPES TO BEAT JERICHO AT SUMMERSLAM, WHY DIDN’T ANYONE RESTART THAT MATCH? HUH? HUH?

This was… eh. A nothing match. Not even that fun either tbh. Literally just nothing.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

TRISH’S TITS. T&A talk about how it wouldn’t be a bad thing if they fell out of her top. I am in agree.

APA & LITA Vs T&A & Trish

So this all started with a strip poker game where Trish got naked and the APA were so distracted they got beat up. LITA FAP FAP.

 at the sign “Lita can I have your thong?”. Then again, not that funny. She never did give it to me. Bitch. HOT BITCH.

LITA FAP FAP FAP comes out first, then the APA music plays but they never show up. Turns out they got attacked. T&A & Trish come out to get LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP and triple team her for a little while before the Hardy Boys make the save.

Match never happens. And that’s that. Did one or both of the APA have to have surgery or something at the time? I know they were out for a little while because of this, and it seems weird to book a match like this and not do it on PPV.

Rating: Never Happened
CAL SCALE – 

Edge & Christian couldn’t compete in the tables match tonight because of their nuts. Lots of ball jokes. Ha.

Chris Jericho Vs X-Pac – Cage Match

 these two had a fucking awesome match at Unforgiven. In a cage this time? Could be fun times!!!

HATE~! Yes! These two have been trying to kill each other for like 2 months now, and they ain’t slowing down yet! Jericho goes right after X-Pac before he even gets in the cage, so they brawl on the outside before getting in the cage and proceeding to kill each other some more .

Fuck me, X-Pac takes on hell of a back drop into the cage. Then gets RIGHT BACK UP and attacks Jericho some more. What?

I zoned out for a few moments and somehow Jericho got hit in the face with a chair. When did the chair show up? 

All in all, the do beat the shit out of each other the entire time and it does offer some good shit, but eh, got nothing on their UF match tbh. Some stupid moments here and there bring it down a little, and the overall HATE~! doesn’t seem as good as UF. Finish is good though.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

DAMMIT, Steve Blackman is at WWF New York. No awesome Hardcore Title match tonight then .

COMMISH FOLEY!!!

Billy Gunn & Chyna Vs Val Venis & Steven Richards

Was originally supposed to be Eddie Vs Billy for the IC title, but Eddie got injured. Steven Richards says he wouldn’t normally hit a women unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary. S’ok Stevie, Chyna ain’t no women. RECTALLY OBSESSED BILLY GUNN.

SO MANY ASSES, SO LITTLE TIME.

Poor Val nearly gets blinded when Chyna rubs his face in her tits. EEEWWWW. I’d sooner have my face in the ass of the women from Rock/Gunn SummerSlam 99 match. YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.

Poor Val. He seems to get owned by Chyna quite a few times in 2000. He don’t deserve it either. Val was awesome. FAMEASSER! Wait, isn’t that a Ziggler move? I get it! Billy Gunn invented a time machine, came to the future and stole Dolph’s move! What a cunt!

Speaking of stolen moves, Chyna goes for a Pedigree. Eddie hits her in the back with a pipe covered in roses. Ref makes the count even though the ring is covered in flowers. WHERE IS THAT OTHER REF TO RESTART THE MATCH NOW? HUH? HUH? BIASED MOTHERFUCKER.

So this wasn’t too bad all things considering. Decentish. Funish. Not badish. Thereish.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Steve Austin Vs Rikishi – No Holds Barred

So Rikishi was the one that ran over Austin. And it didn’t work so HHH did it instead. LOL. Rikishi was doing awesome as a babyface. Should have stayed like that. I would have liked say, a Rikishi Vs Angle PPV match for the WWF Title around this time. Could play up on their KOTR finals match.

Man, this was a BLOOD FEUD. Both guys LEGITIMATELY threatened to kill each other. KILL. FOR REAL. Awesome.

Austin hasn’t show up yet so Foley comes out to announce Rikishi the winner by forfit. He wastes a bunch of time slowly coming to the ring then standing about without talking to buy Austin time. Then Austin’s music hits and his truck arrives. So like, did he ring ahead and say “play my music”?

Well I like Stone Cold. But I also like Rikishi. Which is better? There’s only one way to find out… FIGHT!!! And fuck, they do. MAUL is a better word than fight.

Should have been clear Rikishi did it for HHH btw. Guy was walking about with a SLEDGEHAMMER. Duh.

So this is awesome. Austin just destroys, murders, mauls, beats and other word that means all those things too poor Rikishi. Punches his face in. Beats him with his belt. Smashes his skull in with a chair, then tries to run the fat fuck over. AUSTIN ATTEMPTS TO MURDER RIKISHI FOR REAL ON LIVE PPV. I miss those days.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

William Regal Vs Naked Mideon – WWF European Championship Match

We go from attempted murder to nudity. Only in WWF!!!

Naked Mideon is clothed. False advertising… but I’ll manage.

Regal dominates and Mideon gets angry… so he takes off his top. Eeewww. Regal dominates AGAIN. So Mideon takes off his bottoms. EEEWWWW EEEWWW EEEEWWWW. Why didn’t we have a Naked LITA gimmick instead?

Mideon kisses Regal and… oh dear god how many times do we see Mideon’s balls and penis? Seriously. BALL AND PENIS FOR REAL. Hilarious watching Regal going for the Regal stretch but being horrified at the nakedness of Mideon, so he hits that cross arm sleeper drop thingymabob and pins him instead .

This was… disturbing. I don’t think I can even rate it.

Rating: N/R
CAL SCALE – 0

 at the Angle/Rock edited interview.

The Hardy Boys Vs Los Conquistadors – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Si!

SPOILER! Los Conquistadors win the tag belts. They defend them on Raw the next night and beat Edge & Christian. They reveal themselves to be The Hardy Boys. So if Los Conquistadors are actually The Hardy Boys… then is this a Hardy Boys Vs Hardy Boys match? I AM IMMENSELY CONFULSEZZED!

Watching E&C trying to be “Lucha” wrestlers is hilarious. They just roll about and do dropkicks every now and then and act like they are the most awesome thing ever .

The actual match IS kinda dull. Absolutely nothing noteworthy really beyond the stuff with E&C trying desperately to look like Lucha wrestlers. Best part of the match is the commentary. JR just BLISTERS Los Conquistadors every chance he gets because he’s 100% certain they are Edge & Christian, while King gives them the benefit of the doubt and defends them at every turn .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Triple H Vs Chris Benoit

BENOIT HEADBUTTED STEPHANIE! JUST WHAT IS THIS GUY CAPABLE OF? Oh yeah…

Only 2 matches left on the card, and this is one of them. WAI NO UNDERRTEKER? Seriously… where was he? I am not recalling him being “taken out” at this point in time. Where is Kane too for that matter? Naked fucking Mideon gets a title match and Undertaker & Kane miss the show? BULLSHIT.

HHH starts the match trying to “out wrestle” Benoit by doing some leg work. Looks good and shit but… doesn’t lead to anything… and doesn’t help HHH in the slightest. Benoit on the other hand works over the arm and shoulder, which DOES help him. But HHH makes a comeback and ignores it all anyway. Big reverse suplex AND a fucking superplex? With a “bad” arm? Bullshit.

In the end Stephanie (fap fap) is the one that is the difference maker and helps HHH win. TAKE THAT, POINTLESS LEG WORK!

This is eh. HHH stuff at the start is meaningless. Benoit control stuff is great, but HHH’s lack of fucking selling makes that meaningless. Stephanie showing up at the end to help HHH win makes, well, everything meaningless. Not a fan.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

The Rock Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship Match

Man, Rock is a fucking retard. Stephanie tries to jump in the ring at the start of the match, so Rock goes after her and Angle attacks him from behind to gain the early advantage. But WHY did Rock even bother going after Steph? Was he gonna hit a women? Well I wouldn’t put it past him because he’s a cunt and he’s done it before. Great babyface btw. But still… why bother? What was Steph gonna go? Attack him? MAN UP. Plus Stephanie attacking Rock would gain him a DQ win. Title: Retained. Dumb fuck.

Wait… this is No DQ? Well that changes things slightly. Steph could have attacked Rock and it wouldn’t have ended the match. But come on… it’s fucking Stephanie. What’s she gonna do to The Rock? One hard slap and she’s fucking out of it on the floor, leaving Rock to face Angle one on one. So Rock is still a dumb fuck. STEPHANIE looks hot as fuck.

NOOOOO!!!! NO ROCKY DAMMIT!!! Earl Hebner really didn’t want Rock to drive Angle’s balls into the ring post. I can only thing of disturbing reasons as to why that is.

Rock smashes Angle’s leg with a chair, locks in the Sharpshooter and Angle taps. But Earl is too busy eyeing up Stephanie. Can’t blame him. Look at Rock’s Sharpshooter or look at Stephanie?

Best sleeper hold/rest hold spot ever. Angle has the sleeper in, but the camera keeps showing Stephanie who is leaning over the apron in a low cut top. TITTIES~!

So Rock ends up Rock Bottoming Stephanie. Women beating piece of shit. At least the People’s Elbow was interrupted TWICE . HHH runs down, beats up Angle for letting it happen, then Pedigree’s The Rock for doing it. Stephanie is carried away.

RIKISHI IS BACK!!! Covered in blood and trying to help his friend The Rock retain the belt, but he keeps blasting The Rock instead, and Angle is able to capitalise and win the WWF Title!

Fun match. Not great, but fun. Angle does some good work, Rock… well Rock is Rock. Stephanie was the star of the match, but Angle held his own and Rock was just around to take the bumps and shit lol. Angle’s use of the suplexes are great in this match btw. He pretty much uses them as cut off moves any time Rock gets anything going. Why oh why couldn’t he have stuck to that formula? 

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

King of the Ring 2000

I do believe this might have been the first ever WWF DVD I bought.

Rikishi Vs Chris Benoit – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

Not just your average tournament match here; both guys wanna kill each other. Which sucks for Rikishi because Benoit is known for it . Anyway. The Kish beat Benoit for the IC title recently, and Benoit was NOT happy about it so he beat the fuck out of the fat man with a chair and locked in the Crossface. Benoit ain’t done with Rikishi yet, and Rikishi is out for revenge.

Fuck me, Benoit just hit a German. As in he performed a German Suplex. He didn’t punch a German fan or anything. Yet.

Match doesn’t get much time because, you know, PPV tournament with other matches taking place too. So they essentially have a nice little sprint (yes, Rikishi in a sprint match) that I have always liked. These guys had good chemistry, though tbh most people had good chemistry with Benoit, and Rikishi worked well with just about everyone in 2000 too. Great TV stuff with the likes of Benoit, Eddie, Triple H, Val Venis and more plus some PPV stuff too (cage with Val is ).

Rikishi escapes a Crossface by using the ropes, and Benoit is fucked off. Chair shots and Benoit is DQ’d, allowing Rikishi to continue on in the tournament, but his arm is FUCKED. I mean damn, more colour than a Clown’s jizz.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

TONIGHT I AM JOE COOL. JOE COOL.

Eddie Guerrero Vs Val Venis – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

Did anyone else really like Heel Val before he went Heel RTC Val? His feud with Rikishi was awesome, and VIOLENT, and awesomely violent. Made Val look legit. He had a great TV match against The Rock for the WWF Title when he was in the RTC soo and I would have loved for him to win (Rock hate aside, Val is just a great talent).

TRISH FAP FAP FAP TRISH. King rooting for Val so we get to see TRISH more tonight is great.

Eddie and Val are having a pretty good contest in the ring and the fans are chanting WE WANT PUPPIES. If it were LITA out there I’d be fine with it, but this is Val Vs fucking Eddie dammit. Stupid fans. Besides we’d probably end up with Chyna’s man boobs instead of Trish’s yummy women tits.

Match is just a fun back and forth contest that gets some not bad time all things considered. Plenty of cool moves and sequences but never feels like a move fest or any of that shit. Just some good old wrasslin.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 at Pat Patterson trying to find a women’s outfit for his match later.

Crash Holly Vs Bull Buchanan – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

So Crash is the “upset” guy in this tournament, beating people to advance when nobody thought he would be able to. Albert, Hardcore Holly, and SPOILER Bull Buchanan.

Big Bull comes out to ONE MAN GANG’S theme song. Tis a killer little theme imo. But Bull isn’t a fatty so he isn’t as good. But he’s still good. I liked him. BRING BACK BULL. BRING BACK BULL. BRING BACK BULL.

So this is just a fun match with Bull bullying the little guy, and the little guy holding on until he can get a quick win that shocks the world.  at Crash getting the 3 count and already being at the top of the ramp way before Bull can react.

Rating: *1/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Linda manipulates Vince into making the main event a fair 3 on 3 tag instead of 12 on 3 like SD last week. Man, I remember that match, was shown in full on HEAT. I didn’t get to see Raw or SD at this time so Heat and the free PPV’s were all I could get, so having a full SD main event match with guys like THE UNDERTAKER involved was just fucking  for me.

Kurt Angle Vs Chris Jericho – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

I predict the winner of this will win the entire tournament. GET ME ANOTHER BEAH.

 at Jericho trying to be funny and insulting, saying Kurt is the King of shitty things… but when he says “nerds” the crowd goes oddly quiet, almost as if a lot of them ARE nerds . I know I am! And Kurt isn’t my King.

Lionsault early into the match seems oddly placed, as in the odd placement of Kurt to take it so close to the ropes and shit. Ref counts to 2 then randomly stops. Kurt’s leg WAS on the ropes, but I seriously doubt he could have seen it given everyone’s position in the ring lol. TEDDY SCREWED JERICHO. HE’S GOT A FAMILY.

Fuck me, Teddy Long is terrible. I know people complain about Scott Armstrong’s counts, but shit, Teddy seems to fall asleep every time his hand hits the match, then wakes up and realises he has to do it again. SO FUCKING SLOW.

WELL GOSH DARN, that cut off clotheslines from Angle is just WOW. Speaking of WOW, STEPHANIE FAP FAP MCMAHON. Jericho kisses her because, well, who wouldn’t? Angle takes advantage and hits the Angle Slam to advance. I’d like to advance on Stephanie. Wink wink nudge nudge I wanna fuck her.

Solid match, best of the night so far.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

WWF NEW YORK. Shame it got too expensive for them as they slowly started to drop in ratings and not make as much money. FOLEY! With his new hair cut. Ivory is in the background getting Foley a drink and she is DESPERATE for attention. HEY MICK FOLEY. HEY MICK. I GOT YOU A DRINK MICK. Just take your top off and we’ll give you plenty of attention. Can’t hear a word Foley says. Crowd are chanting and shit so we don’t hear anything until the end.

Edge & Christian Vs 2 Cool Vs T&A Vs The Hardy Boys – Fatal Four Way Elimination WWF Tag Team Championship Match

2 COOL ARE THE TAG CHAMPS!!! HOW “COOL” IS THAT? Not very tbh. Nobody lost their pants to win so yeah, kinda sucked.

T&A deserved a title run, but I guess if you were going for “shock factor” with a random title change and quick title run, 2 Cool were the better choice as heels doing that wouldn’t have worked so well. And let’s face it, E&C, Hardys and Dudleys were the only teams getting any REAL title chances at this time. They ran the entire division all year, but it was great to see other teams come in every so often to break up those 3 main teams constantly facing each other. APA. T&A. 2 Cool. Head Cheese.

LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA TRISH IS THERE TOO BUT FUCK HER LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP. SHE’S WEARING SOME FURRY BRA THINGY. I WANNA FEEL IT. AND HER BOOBS TOO. GROPE~!

Man, everything T&A do just looks nasty. I swear half of their offense could be used as finishing moves for a lot of guys lol. I mean Test uses a fucking gutwrench powerbomb, and I remember LITA (FAP FAP FAP) kicking out of it at Fully Loaded! Swagger uses it and like, wins titles and shit. T&A end up getting eliminated first . Though the finish is pretty spectacular.

SCOTTY 2 HOTTY!  at him celebrating like crazy for hitting a shoulder block. Almost in a mocking heel way, but gets a huge pop because he’s the working WORM KING.

Poor King (Lawler), gets confused about the rules and claims it’s not good for 2 Cool to stay on the apron and let E&C and Hardys go at it because they could lose the match that way. IT’S ELIMINATION YOU DAFT OLD TIT.

LITA (FAP FAP FAPITY FAP) keeps getting involved in the match, but because she’s a face she gets away with it lol. Not that I could be mad at her for it . I talk way too much abou the divas that I should in these rambles.

Despite the sexiness of LITA, the Hardy Boys end up being eliminated anyway. Christian gives Matt the unprettier. If LITA got the unprettier she’d still be 1000x hotter than most of the divas.

 JR: “I wonder what Grand Master’s mommy and daddy think of that little move” King: “Well hahaha maybe you should ask them some time” . Always did amuse me when they did subtle references to Lawler being GMS’ dad.

 at Christian mocking the dance. He looked legit retarded. I mean 100% spastic retarded. He’ll never be a future World Champ.

Speaking of retarded… EDGE AND CHRISTIAN ATTEMPT A DOUBLE WORM!!! Only for Scotty to interrupt and do the ORIGINAL WORM INSTEAD!!! W! O! R! M! OOOO OOOO OOOOO!

The Worm isn’t enough though, and eventually E&C regain their belts. Fun, fun match. Nothing “great” about this as far as tag matches go, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have a bunch of FUN watching it. Just wish T&A stayed longer, but it was understandable that they were the first to go.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Rikishi Vs Val Venis – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

I’ve got a Semi-Final for LITA.

What?

TRISH.

Rikishi & Val . Damn, just realised that Fully Loaded hasn’t happened yet. These guys have been feuding for THREE WEEKS up to this point… and they still have another month before their big grudge match! Oh man I can’t wait for Fully Loaded. Cage. LITA & TRISH FAP. Last Man Standing. Rock Vs Benoit. APA. FALLING PANTS.

Match is a short, but fucking awesome, slugfest. Rikishi has the injured arm so Val goes after it, and Rikishi keeps trying to use his power to remain in the game. Val’s face when he’s on the ropes ready for the Money Shot and Rikishi gets back up is amazing. The Kish picks up the win, but damn, Val murders the shit out of the already injured arm. Crash Holly might have a chance at winning this thing once he gets past Kurt!!! 

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

WOULD YOU LIKE THE REGULAR PANTIES OR THE CROTCHLESS KIND? 

Crash Holly Vs Kurt Angle – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

Angle gets a bit of a pop during his entrance and he looks fucking GOBSMACKED for a few seconds lol.

Crash and Angle actually have some nice chemistry. Didn’t they have a match on HEAT later in the year for the WWF title where Crash nearly won the damn thing? I seem to recall that being good. OMG I HAVE ALL OF HEAT 2000 ON MY PC.

Good back and forth match here. Crash didn’t look like a pushover which was kinda odd I guess but eh, Kurt gets the win and Crash doesn’t look like a total chump so I guess it’s fine. I liked it anyway. HUGE POP for Angle’s win too btw!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Pat Patterson Vs Gerald Brisco – First Ever Hardcore Evening Gown Match

 this pic says it all:

 at Patterson in that wig 

HOLD IT! YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!

Who the fuck thought this shit up? 

Brisco coming out to Real American .

HE’S A REAL AMERICAN, BROTHER. 

 Patterson is loving this way too much. I wonder why… .

I WILL LAY DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING. YOU CAN GET ON TOP OF ME… 

SHE LIKES IT 

This entire thing is DUMB. RETARDED. STUPID. INSANE. Yet it’s insanely hilarious . BIG HUGE MAXI PADS 

2 old guys in drag beating the hell out of each other over the Hardcore title… and Crash Holly shows up and steals it back anyway .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Dudley Boys Vs X-Pac, Road Dogg & Tori – Handicap Dumpster Tables Match

So for DX to win, they gotta put both Dudley’s in the Dumpster and close the lids. For Teh Dudlely Boys to win they gotta drive all 3 members of DX, Tori included, through a table!

TORI. She was hot. Underrated hot diva. Remember her outfit from WM 15? God awful match but DAMN what an outfit. Remember when she was the NINJA women helping Raven? That angle went NOWHERE.

Best part of the match is Devon doing the WAASSSSSUP thing right into Tori’s vag and just keeping his head there after he lands . Fucking perve. Lucky perve, but a perve non the less. SHE MAY NEED THE BOOBOO KISSED!

Before the vag headbutt, I genuinely couldn’t tell you anything that happened. After that, shit kicks off and the tables and dumpsters and shit come into play! DX trap those damn Dudley’s in the dumpster, but instead of winning, the ref is checking on Tori’s vag and doesn’t see! Dudley’s escape through the conveniently placed side hatches and surprise DX with chair shots. Thankfully nobody surprises me with chair shots. They just surprise me by never doing anything nice .

Road Dogg’s table spot is cool. 2 tables stacked, Powerbomb off the steel steps over the ropes to the floor where the tables are. Me likey.

X-Pac gets superplexed through a table… and now that leaves TORI FAP FAP. So she runs into the dumpster to escape. Dudley’s follow her, most likely to rape her inside it or something. DX hit them with chairs, they fall in and DX win, but don’t know that Tori is inside!

3-D to DX, and Tori is alone again and she gets some Bubba Wood. This is tremendous fun, but only after the vagbutt. Everything before then I just can’t remember, and everything after is just table and dumpster spots. Not good, but fun.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Rikishi Vs Kurt Angle – King of the Ring Finals

OWEN HART MENTION~!

No Billy Gunn mention. Or Shamrock. THEY WERE GOOD KINGS TOO. 

The Kish does a pretty sweet job selling his arm. Modifies his offense to compensate for the injury, sells it constantly. RIKISHI KICKED OUT OF THE OLYMPIC SLAM!

Is this the first instance of an Angle opponent going to the ropes for no real reason only to take a super overhead belly to belly? Damn you Rikishi!!! You started a terrible thing! You deserved to lose this match! Fat fucker.

Angle wins. Big pop. Good match.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

The Undertaker, Kane & The Rock Vs Triple H, Shane McMahon & Vince McMahon – WWF Championship

6 man tag, where the title can change hands even if Shane or Vince get pinned!

I’M NOT IN A CORNER! YOU’RE NOT IN A CORNER AND YOU’RE NOT IN A CORNER! Vince looks high.

SHANE’S A PUSSY~!

So he attacks Kane to prove everyone wrong. Kane gives Shane a free shot. Don’t do NUFFIN. This is filled with pure FUN SCHTICK. Shane is the non wrestler, Kane is monster. Shane tries to avoid Kane at all costs. Kane wants to kill Shane at all costs. YEY!

The The Rock ruins it by tagging in. Shane keeps up the awesomeness though. UNDERTAKER TAGS IN!!!

SHANE HAS HAD A TASTE OF ALL 3 OF HIS ADVERSARIES TONIGHT. Uhhh…

Undertaker’s one arm Chokeslams are awesome. Undertaker covers Shane and… The Rock ruins it by breaking it up. FUCK YOU ROCK. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU CUNT.

Weird back body drop to HHH where he practically STICKS to Undertaker so ‘Taker has to power him over.

Ha, Rock gets what’s coming to him with a 3 on 1 beatdown on the outside after he went ribs first into the announce table. What a cunt.

 Rock kicks out fo a Pedigree and the fans react like nothing happened. NOBODY LIKES YOU ROCK.

Rock is the pathetic loser who gets beat down by the heels. LOL. He gets owned by Vince and Shane. Vince pinned Rock on SD. Enters an elite group including such greats as The Hurricane. Eventually Undertaker and Kane get fed up of seeing Rock nearly lose constantly, so they attack Vince and Shane.

OMG KANE ATTACKED THE UNDERTAKER! Then he breaks up a People’s Elbow and Chokeslams The Rock. All is forgiven! 

HHH thinks Kane has joined them. But nah, he just wants the title for himself and took his partners out so they can’t stop him! TOMBSTONE TO TRIPLE H!

Undertaker murders his brother, then catches Shane on the ropes an decides to fucking Chokeslam him to hell and back. CHOKESLAM OFF THE ROPES THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Rock Bottom to Vince in the ring and… The Rock wins the title. By beating old man Vince. OH MY GOD HOW AWESOME AND GREAT IS THE ROCK FOR DOING THAT? HE BEAT AN OLD MAN FOR THE WWF TITLE WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND. YOU TWAT.

Such fun to be had here. I like how they work the story of Taker, Kane and Rock not really being on the same team because they are all trying to win the title, so they refuse to tag in and out and shit. Then it all comes to blows at the end. Shane is awesome in this. His schtick at the start with Kane was great. Plenty of good moments from him and then THAT CHOKESLAM. Vinnie Mac kinda does nothing but lose though.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 14.5

SummerSlam 2000

I said in my Unforgiven 00 ramblings yesterday that the summer of 2000 was soooo much fun. So figured I’d watch SummerSlam.

Rikishi & 2 Cool Vs Right to Censor

Rikishi & 2 Cool have a couple of HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs with them. One of them is Victoria.

SCOTTY CROSSBODY.

Did you say SCOTTY CROSSBODY?

Yes, yes he did.

Ouch at a bump the Goodfather takes over the ropes. Something gets caught and then snaps when he least expects it to and he just flops down to the floor with a splat. So he pushes the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs down as revenge. Then trips over GMS in the ring as he goes to make a tag .

Rikishi is the guy that gets the hot tag and throws RTC around, and Steven Richards tries to run for it, only to be thrown back in by the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs. He doesn’t know how lucky he is, do you have any idea how much you gotta pay to have a HOOOOOOOOOOOO get rough with you? Neither do I of course. Andy told me. Honest. *runs*

Rikishi launching 2 Cool arse first into people is awesome.

Remember that WWF Title match on the first SD with HHH and The Rock (first SD either the pilot episode or the first official episode, I forget which) with HBK as the guest referee? Well picture Steven Richards as HBK (which is mildly amusing to me because I remember he came into the WWE as a HBK impersonator lol) and Scotty 2 Hotty as The Rock and The Worm as The People’s Elbow. SUPERKICK! RTC win.

Fun opener, nothing more. Nobodies pants fell down so I just can’t rate it that high.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Kurt Angle arrives at the arena earlier. Then Stephanie does. She looks smoking hot. Kurt Angle goes into her locker room. 3 days after he kissed her. HE GONNA GET HIM SOME.

Road Dogg Vs X-Pac

OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW? I quite liked the feud between these 2. Starts off with the “friendly rivalry”, then “accidentally” gets more physical and before long they wanna go at it. X-Pac may have had the so called X-Pac heat (you know, where as a heel he got booed and shit…), but I loved him and Road Dogg too. Road Dogg should have been given a singles push at this time imo. IC title FTW. Always thought he was underrated in the ring, and listening to his shoots over the years I think even HE underrates his own ability. Terry Funk once said he could have been the single greatest promo guy ever if he didn’t stick with his same schtick every night, and I can’t say I disagree with THE FUNKER.

OMG X-PAC IS GETTING X-PAC SUCKS CHANTS HE’S GETTING SOME MAJOR X-PAC HEAT RIGHT NOW OMG.

A couple of nice spots here and there playing off the fact they know each other really well, but the match overall isn’t anything special. Not that it’s bad, because it’s not, it’s just a filler mid-card match that honestly didn’t get the time and attention that I personally think it should have gotten. It was fucking DX guys fighting each other. Could have done more with it imo.

Road Dogg turns on X-Pac afterwards because X-Pac cheated to win, and thus begins Road Dogg’s rise to… nowhere . I still enjoy this though.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

JR tells us where he ate last night. Thanks JR. I’ve just eaten right now. And it’s almost come back up because Chyna is on screen. Urgh. Things pick up when Trish appears. FAP FAP not as hot as Lita FAP FAP.

Val Venis & Trish Stratus Vs Eddie Guerrero & Chyna – Intercontinental Championship

Tag match for the IC title. Eddie & Chyna can pin either opponent to win the belt. But Trish can’t win it for herself if she pins someone. Shame. Trish as IC champ in 2000 would have been hilarious.

I KEEP THINKING SOMEONE IS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR BUT IT’S THOSE LETTERS FLYING ACROSS THE SCREEN ISN’T IT?

Lawler has lost it. But he recovers by implying he wants to fuck Trish. Nice save, Jerry. And nice ass, Trish.

Damn, Chyna has some pretty sweet looking… CLOTHESLINES. You sick freaks who thought I was gonna say something else. I’d say it LOOKED like she nearly beheaded poor Val a few times, but she probably nearly did for real because she doesn’t strike me as being a good enough worker to make those looks painful without actually being painful.

Eddie gets the hot tag and takes it to Val, then almost instinctively runs to attack the person on the apron which in this case happens to be Trish. He doesn’t hit her, instead he kinda thrusts his penis in her direction and goes back to attacking Val .

Trish comes in right at the end, gets a 2 count on Eddie get takes an awesome bump when she clotheslines Chyna. Yep, she clotheslines Chyna and takes the bump. Not a botch, just showing that she’s no match for Chyna. Body press slam later and… Chyna is the IC champ. Again. Val is pissed off. Trish got some apologising to do!

Good match. Even with the bulk of it being Chyna in the ring it still has VAL doing his shit and then Eddie in parts. Plus Trish looks fucking smoking hot. I like this one. I like Trish too.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Chyna likes Mick Foley’s worm. Foley steals cookies from a fan. I wish WWF New York was still around. Looked like the most awesome place ever.

Stephanie backstage. She liked Kurt’s kiss. She’s hot.

JR is talking about sweets. He has a jar of them on the table.

Jerry “The King” Lawler Vs Tazz

Damn, Tazz’s insults about JR’s bells palsy are really below the belt. Bet Vince had a hand in those promos. Feud is pretty much JR Vs Tazz with Lawler coming to Ross’ aid.

Match is definitely better than their UF match. Lots of great punches from one of the best punchers in the business, and Tazz ain’t no slouch with everything he does either. Don’t like the Piledriver no sell spot here just as I hated it at IF. Though Tazz almost saved it with the FUCK YOU to Lawler afterwards lol.

Tazzmission to Lawler while the ref is down, so JR… FUCKING JR  grabs the formally mentions sweetie jar and smashes it over Tazz’s face and Lawler gets the win!!! Crowd absolutely ERUPT when JR does it. Awesome.

Fun match. Short and to the point. Good for what it was. Me likey.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Shane McMahon Vs Steve Blackman – Hardcore Championship

. GOAT Hardcore champion Steve Blackman (who isn’t the champ going into this match though) and Shane “bump like a crazy mofo” McMahon… in a HARDCORE MATCH? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

 at the opening spot. Blackman gives Shane the Kendo stick, turns his back and offers a free shot. Except Blackman is facing the fucking TITANTRON so he can see Shane coming and block the shot. SHANE O’MAC GONNA GET HIS ASS KICK, SHANE O’MAC GONNA GET HIS WIG SPLIT.

JR and Lawler are just having so much fucking fun on commentary. I miss those days.

Blackman is having so much fun in the ring too. Mainly with sticks and a trash can/trash can lid. The hardcore title division really was PERFECT for a guy like Blackman. He wasn’t a colourful guy with great mic skills, but he got over like a motherfucker by hitting people with weapons and that’s essentially what the hardcore division was all about.

Test and Albert show up to save Shane, and Lawler think’s it’s Edge & Christian . So who did he mistake Albert for? Edge? Christian? LOL!

Blackman gets gang raped by 3 guys, but manages to stay alive and eventually mounts some offense and takes out fucking everyone! Damn, this really, really put over both Blackman and the Hardcore title. Kinda wish they took it a little more seriously but ah well. Certainly the funnest title belt ever imo.

So everyone knows the finish. Shane tries to escape Blackman by climbing the staging, which is super fucking high, and Blackman follows him and knocks him off!!! AMAZING SPOT. I still remember seeing it for the first time. Rewound that VHS so many damn times that night! And THEN Blackman drops an elbow onto Shane afterwards? Like he fucking needed to? Awesome. Blackman wins back HIS title. Immensely fun match. Super awesome. Great finish too.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 at how many signs are in the crowd that say *insert name here* is gay. Ahhh the AE. Full of homophobic cunts! These days we get Darren Young Is Gay signs and it’s a good thing! 

Stephanie is upset after what happened to Shane, and Angle comes to hug her. Foley walks in and catches them and Angle practically throws himself into a wall .

Chris Jericho Vs Chris Benoit – 2 out of 3 falls Match

I like a LOT of matches between these guys. I enjoyed their feud in 00/01. I just never liked THIS match. Hope this watch changes my mind tbh.

Starts off GOOD. They hate each other so they just charge at each other fists a flying. Hell even the ref ends up taking a pretty sick bump to the floor when he gets caught between them. Lands right on his HEAD. Speaking of, FLAPJACK INTO THE RING POST. Benoit is super. Jericho’s head is super broken.

First fall isn’t long, with Jericho tapping out to the Crossface. However it WAS a good fall. Plenty of fucking HATE~!

Second fall starts with Benoit locking in the Crossface again straight away. Yet this time Jericho manages to hold on even longer… AND get to the ropes. Uhhh ok. Makes no sense lol.

Benoit dominates the second fall, and I kinda love Jericho’s comebacks. Nothing but SLAPS TO THE FUCKING FACE. Didn’t care for the finish of the second fall. Jericho gets his arm worked over the entire second fall yet somehow manages to apply the Walls of Jericho no problem, hold Benoit in the hold and make him tap. Uhhhh ok.

So yeah, still don’t think much to this match. First fall is great. It’s full of HATE~! and doesn’t last long because honestly it didn’t need to. They both went all out to kill each other and in a situation like that a fight wouldn’t last too long either. Second fall sees Benoit work the arm of Jericho, and it’s ok, but not awe-inspiring or anything. Finish was shitty. 3rd fall is Jericho trying everything he can to keep the momentum up from the second fall victory… and that’s about it. A couple of big moves with some filler then Benoit wins. Eh. First fall is honestly the only fall that mattered. Disappointed yet again despite going into the match remembering it not being that good.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Edge & Christian Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys – TLC Tag Team Titles Match

First ever TLC match . This was when guys going out and falling off ladders through tables was new and fun. In WWF anyway. WM 2000 triangle ladder match was essentially a TLC match minus the TLC name. And it was awesome. A big fan of it I am. Much prefer that to the same kind of match a year later at WM 17 (aka TLC II). This one though? Always had a high opinion of it. Better than the WM 2000 match? Never really sure. Time to find out!

WM 2000 match provided plenty of new, unique spots due to having 3 teams in a ladder match. They slowly used tables and chairs in that one, but here all 3 are main parts of the match so everything is brought in pretty much straight away allowing for MOAR spots using them, which is super fun for the fans watching! Don’t like Lawler calling E&C the chairmen of the WWE. STEALINGZ LA PARKA’S GIMMICK!!! Hey Jesse; La Parka Vs Christian. Just throwing it out there. Go fap over the thought of it or something. You’re welcome .

Do these guys care? Do they give a flying fuck in the slightest? Seriously? Do they remotely give a damn about their own fucking HEALTH? Because good god, I cringed numerous times at some of the spots here. Jeff happily flies off a ladder onto another ladder and lands oh so wrong on it. Matt nearly gets his face crushed in the same spot that WOULD crush poor Mercury’s face 6 years later. Everyone just gets HURT and take so many stupid yet awesome looking risks. Bubba going off the ladder over the ropes through 4 tables is awesome. And leads to a feud between The Dudley Boys and Kai-En-Tai. Doesn’t get better than that. *Japanese Accent* THREEEE DEEEEE!

LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP LITA LITA FAP FAP. She knocks E&C crotch first off the ladder. So Edge Spear’s her in return. CROTCH. SPEAR. EDGE. LITA. I GET IT!!!

Match holds up pretty damn good. Far better than TLC II ever could. Even though every spot has been done a billion times now, there is just something about THIS match that keeps me loving everything time and time again. Crazy spots, LITA, fun, entertaining, sick bumps. You name it this match has it. Jeff and Devon battling over the title belts while HANGING FROM THEM is awesome. Not sure still if I like it more than WM 2000 though lol .

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

The Kat Vs Terri – Thong Stinkface Match

Yes, this is a thing. And my thing is loving The Kat. Terri has a good body but fuck, her face looks like 100 years old.

It’s terrible, oobviously but I can’t hate it. I just can’t. 2 hot women trying to shove their arses in each other’s face. I just can’t hate that.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

The Undertaker Vs Kane

The fuck was this feud all about? I AM A MONSTER! And that’s the ONLY explanation we got for Kane turning on Undertaker. HUH? Aside from the dumb logic I enjoyed everything they did. CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE RING .

So 2 big bastards beat the shit out of each other. Yeah I’m down with that. Aside from trying to punch Kane’s face to death he also keeps trying to get the mask off, which just angers Kane. The guy who CHOKESLAMMED HIM THROUGH THE RING. Not wise lol. Poor Kane ends up taking 2 sick looking shots to the face from the steel steps. Ouch. Kane gets busted open and I’m not entirely sure it was a blade job tbh.

They brawl some more and then Undertaker pulls the mask off and Kane runs to the back covering his face. Ok. Fun brawl, but that’s about it. Their NOC FIGHT was better than this imo, and of course WM 14 was better because that was awesome. And SD 08 too duh.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

The Rock Vs Triple H Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship

Storyline going into this was AWESOME. Loved it. Adored it. Masturbated to (Stephanie) it. Then this match happened. And it almost ruined everything because it fucking SUCKED. Will I like it more this time around? Probably not but hey, optimising and shit!

HHH and Angle fight while The Rock, the uber babyface, the people’s champion, the WWF champion, sits in the back like a fucking coward because he doesn’t want to fight 2 men. Pathetic. Angle goes head first into the floor when the announce table dies on him during a Pedigree and is legit knocked out. And this is where Angle’s brain dies and he slowly starts becoming an annoying fucker in the ring who couldn’t tell a damn story to save his fucking life unless someone smart was wrestling with him (Benoit WAS smart but we all know what was up with HIS brain so I guess we can excuse him there. Wrestling wise, not family murdering wise, obviously).

So with Angle taken out, Rock decides to show his face finally. Cowardly cunt.

DAMN, Stephanie looks smoking fucking hot. She comes down to the ring after Kurt gets taken away and her tits just bounce all the way down the ramp as she walks. She also decks HHH in the face with the title belt. GOAT DIVA NOT NAMED LITA (FAP FAP). OR MICKIE JAMES (FAP FAP). OR TRISH (FAP FAP).

HHH is a cunt. An absolute cunt. He sends Stephanie away . Now I’m stuck watching him pretend he’s awesome and The Rock pretending he’s a wrestler. Bah.

I like how the match is No DQ but JR is going fucking apeshit because HHH uses the Sledgehammer. Like the RR street fight with the barbed wire 2×4. IT’S NO DQ JR, SLEDGEHAMMER AND BARBED WIRE 2X4 ARE PERFECTLY LEGAL. Good job he’s the most awesome commentator of all time or I’d rip him a new one.

Fuck me this is DULL. HHH and Rock, ok, aren’t my favourites. Rock is right there as one of my least favourites ever, if not THE. But in 2000 they did have great chemistry. Backlash match is AWESOME. JD Iron Man is AWESOME. I thought an hour long match involving ROCK AND HHH was awesome. That’s insane, but true. Yet here, these guys just fucking BLOW. And not in the way I want Stephanie to blow (me).

STEPHANIE HOT TITS IS BACK FAP FAP FAP!!! Dammit she’s brought Angle back too. BOOOO. Stephanie should be PUNISHED for that. I’ll do it.

So Stephanie FAP FAP HOT TITS uses her sexy body to convince Angle to come back and help HHH. So Kurt comes back and screws HHH out of the title. LOL. So HHH decks her pretty little face. What a women beating cunt. Steve Austin would never do that! Oh wait…

Rock wins. Fun times were had by nobody. This sucked. They had a better triple threat on both Raw and Smackdown around this time.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Overall CAL SCALE – 13