King of the Ring 2000 Ramblings

Posted on: October 13th, 2013 by Big Cal

Untitled-1_zps03b52aaa

King of the Ring 2000

I do believe this might have been the first ever WWF DVD I bought.

Rikishi Vs Chris Benoit – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

Not just your average tournament match here; both guys wanna kill each other. Which sucks for Rikishi because Benoit is known for it :side:. Anyway. The Kish beat Benoit for the IC title recently, and Benoit was NOT happy about it so he beat the fuck out of the fat man with a chair and locked in the Crossface. Benoit ain’t done with Rikishi yet, and Rikishi is out for revenge.

Fuck me, Benoit just hit a German. As in he performed a German Suplex. He didn’t punch a German fan or anything. Yet.

Match doesn’t get much time because, you know, PPV tournament with other matches taking place too. So they essentially have a nice little sprint (yes, Rikishi in a sprint match) that I have always liked. These guys had good chemistry, though tbh most people had good chemistry with Benoit, and Rikishi worked well with just about everyone in 2000 too. Great TV stuff with the likes of Benoit, Eddie, Triple H, Val Venis and more plus some PPV stuff too (cage with Val is :mark:).

Rikishi escapes a Crossface by using the ropes, and Benoit is fucked off. Chair shots and Benoit is DQ’d, allowing Rikishi to continue on in the tournament, but his arm is FUCKED. I mean damn, more colour than a Clown’s jizz.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

TONIGHT I AM JOE COOL. JOE COOL.

Eddie Guerrero Vs Val Venis – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

Did anyone else really like Heel Val before he went Heel RTC Val? His feud with Rikishi was awesome, and VIOLENT, and awesomely violent. Made Val look legit. He had a great TV match against The Rock for the WWF Title when he was in the RTC soo and I would have loved for him to win (Rock hate aside, Val is just a great talent).

TRISH FAP FAP FAP TRISH. King rooting for Val so we get to see TRISH more tonight is great.

Eddie and Val are having a pretty good contest in the ring and the fans are chanting WE WANT PUPPIES. If it were LITA out there I’d be fine with it, but this is Val Vs fucking Eddie dammit. Stupid fans. Besides we’d probably end up with Chyna’s man boobs instead of Trish’s yummy women tits.

Match is just a fun back and forth contest that gets some not bad time all things considered. Plenty of cool moves and sequences but never feels like a move fest or any of that shit. Just some good old wrasslin.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

:lmao at Pat Patterson trying to find a women’s outfit for his match later.

Crash Holly Vs Bull Buchanan – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

So Crash is the “upset” guy in this tournament, beating people to advance when nobody thought he would be able to. Albert, Hardcore Holly, and SPOILER Bull Buchanan.

Big Bull comes out to ONE MAN GANG’S theme song. Tis a killer little theme imo. But Bull isn’t a fatty so he isn’t as good. But he’s still good. I liked him. BRING BACK BULL. BRING BACK BULL. BRING BACK BULL.

So this is just a fun match with Bull bullying the little guy, and the little guy holding on until he can get a quick win that shocks the world. :lmao at Crash getting the 3 count and already being at the top of the ramp way before Bull can react.

Rating: *1/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Linda manipulates Vince into making the main event a fair 3 on 3 tag instead of 12 on 3 like SD last week. Man, I remember that match, was shown in full on HEAT. I didn’t get to see Raw or SD at this time so Heat and the free PPV’s were all I could get, so having a full SD main event match with guys like THE UNDERTAKER involved was just fucking :mark: for me.

Kurt Angle Vs Chris Jericho – King of the Ring Quarter Final Match

I predict the winner of this will win the entire tournament. GET ME ANOTHER BEAH.

:lmao at Jericho trying to be funny and insulting, saying Kurt is the King of shitty things… but when he says “nerds” the crowd goes oddly quiet, almost as if a lot of them ARE nerds :p. I know I am! And Kurt isn’t my King.

Lionsault early into the match seems oddly placed, as in the odd placement of Kurt to take it so close to the ropes and shit. Ref counts to 2 then randomly stops. Kurt’s leg WAS on the ropes, but I seriously doubt he could have seen it given everyone’s position in the ring lol. TEDDY SCREWED JERICHO. HE’S GOT A FAMILY.

Fuck me, Teddy Long is terrible. I know people complain about Scott Armstrong’s counts, but shit, Teddy seems to fall asleep every time his hand hits the match, then wakes up and realises he has to do it again. SO FUCKING SLOW.

WELL GOSH DARN, that cut off clotheslines from Angle is just WOW. Speaking of WOW, STEPHANIE FAP FAP MCMAHON. Jericho kisses her because, well, who wouldn’t? Angle takes advantage and hits the Angle Slam to advance. I’d like to advance on Stephanie. Wink wink nudge nudge I wanna fuck her.

Solid match, best of the night so far.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

WWF NEW YORK. Shame it got too expensive for them as they slowly started to drop in ratings and not make as much money. FOLEY! With his new hair cut. Ivory is in the background getting Foley a drink and she is DESPERATE for attention. HEY MICK FOLEY. HEY MICK. I GOT YOU A DRINK MICK. Just take your top off and we’ll give you plenty of attention. Can’t hear a word Foley says. Crowd are chanting and shit so we don’t hear anything until the end.

Edge & Christian Vs 2 Cool Vs T&A Vs The Hardy Boys – Fatal Four Way Elimination WWF Tag Team Championship Match

2 COOL ARE THE TAG CHAMPS!!! HOW “COOL” IS THAT? Not very tbh. Nobody lost their pants to win so yeah, kinda sucked.

T&A deserved a title run, but I guess if you were going for “shock factor” with a random title change and quick title run, 2 Cool were the better choice as heels doing that wouldn’t have worked so well. And let’s face it, E&C, Hardys and Dudleys were the only teams getting any REAL title chances at this time. They ran the entire division all year, but it was great to see other teams come in every so often to break up those 3 main teams constantly facing each other. APA. T&A. 2 Cool. Head Cheese.

LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA TRISH IS THERE TOO BUT FUCK HER LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP. SHE’S WEARING SOME FURRY BRA THINGY. I WANNA FEEL IT. AND HER BOOBS TOO. GROPE~!

Man, everything T&A do just looks nasty. I swear half of their offense could be used as finishing moves for a lot of guys lol. I mean Test uses a fucking gutwrench powerbomb, and I remember LITA (FAP FAP FAP) kicking out of it at Fully Loaded! Swagger uses it and like, wins titles and shit. T&A end up getting eliminated first :(. Though the finish is pretty spectacular.

SCOTTY 2 HOTTY! :lmao at him celebrating like crazy for hitting a shoulder block. Almost in a mocking heel way, but gets a huge pop because he’s the working WORM KING.

Poor King (Lawler), gets confused about the rules and claims it’s not good for 2 Cool to stay on the apron and let E&C and Hardys go at it because they could lose the match that way. IT’S ELIMINATION YOU DAFT OLD TIT.

LITA (FAP FAP FAPITY FAP) keeps getting involved in the match, but because she’s a face she gets away with it lol. Not that I could be mad at her for it :). I talk way too much abou the divas that I should in these rambles.

Despite the sexiness of LITA, the Hardy Boys end up being eliminated anyway. Christian gives Matt the unprettier. If LITA got the unprettier she’d still be 1000x hotter than most of the divas.

:lmao JR: “I wonder what Grand Master’s mommy and daddy think of that little move” King: “Well hahaha maybe you should ask them some time” :p. Always did amuse me when they did subtle references to Lawler being GMS’ dad.

:lmao at Christian mocking the dance. He looked legit retarded. I mean 100% spastic retarded. He’ll never be a future World Champ.

Speaking of retarded… EDGE AND CHRISTIAN ATTEMPT A DOUBLE WORM!!! Only for Scotty to interrupt and do the ORIGINAL WORM INSTEAD!!! W! O! R! M! OOOO OOOO OOOOO!

The Worm isn’t enough though, and eventually E&C regain their belts. Fun, fun match. Nothing “great” about this as far as tag matches go, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have a bunch of FUN watching it. Just wish T&A stayed longer, but it was understandable that they were the first to go.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Rikishi Vs Val Venis – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

I’ve got a Semi-Final for LITA.

What?

TRISH.

Rikishi & Val :mark:. Damn, just realised that Fully Loaded hasn’t happened yet. These guys have been feuding for THREE WEEKS up to this point… and they still have another month before their big grudge match! Oh man I can’t wait for Fully Loaded. Cage. LITA & TRISH FAP. Last Man Standing. Rock Vs Benoit. APA. FALLING PANTS.

Match is a short, but fucking awesome, slugfest. Rikishi has the injured arm so Val goes after it, and Rikishi keeps trying to use his power to remain in the game. Val’s face when he’s on the ropes ready for the Money Shot and Rikishi gets back up is amazing. The Kish picks up the win, but damn, Val murders the shit out of the already injured arm. Crash Holly might have a chance at winning this thing once he gets past Kurt!!! :p

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

WOULD YOU LIKE THE REGULAR PANTIES OR THE CROTCHLESS KIND? :lmao

Crash Holly Vs Kurt Angle – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

Angle gets a bit of a pop during his entrance and he looks fucking GOBSMACKED for a few seconds lol.

Crash and Angle actually have some nice chemistry. Didn’t they have a match on HEAT later in the year for the WWF title where Crash nearly won the damn thing? I seem to recall that being good. OMG I HAVE ALL OF HEAT 2000 ON MY PC.

Good back and forth match here. Crash didn’t look like a pushover which was kinda odd I guess but eh, Kurt gets the win and Crash doesn’t look like a total chump so I guess it’s fine. I liked it anyway. HUGE POP for Angle’s win too btw!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Pat Patterson Vs Gerald Brisco – First Ever Hardcore Evening Gown Match

:lmao this pic says it all:

Image

:lmao at Patterson in that wig :lmao

HOLD IT! YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME!

Who the fuck thought this shit up? :lmao

Brisco coming out to Real American :lmao.

HE’S A REAL AMERICAN, BROTHER. :lmao

:lmao Patterson is loving this way too much. I wonder why… :p.

I WILL LAY DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING. YOU CAN GET ON TOP OF ME… :lmao

SHE LIKES IT :lmao

This entire thing is DUMB. RETARDED. STUPID. INSANE. Yet it’s insanely hilarious :lmao. BIG HUGE MAXI PADS :lmao

2 old guys in drag beating the hell out of each other over the Hardcore title… and Crash Holly shows up and steals it back anyway :lmao.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

The Dudley Boys Vs X-Pac, Road Dogg & Tori – Handicap Dumpster Tables Match

So for DX to win, they gotta put both Dudley’s in the Dumpster and close the lids. For Teh Dudlely Boys to win they gotta drive all 3 members of DX, Tori included, through a table!

TORI. She was hot. Underrated hot diva. Remember her outfit from WM 15? God awful match but DAMN what an outfit. Remember when she was the NINJA women helping Raven? That angle went NOWHERE.

Best part of the match is Devon doing the WAASSSSSUP thing right into Tori’s vag and just keeping his head there after he lands :lmao. Fucking perve. Lucky perve, but a perve non the less. SHE MAY NEED THE BOOBOO KISSED!

Before the vag headbutt, I genuinely couldn’t tell you anything that happened. After that, shit kicks off and the tables and dumpsters and shit come into play! DX trap those damn Dudley’s in the dumpster, but instead of winning, the ref is checking on Tori’s vag and doesn’t see! Dudley’s escape through the conveniently placed side hatches and surprise DX with chair shots. Thankfully nobody surprises me with chair shots. They just surprise me by never doing anything nice :(.

Road Dogg’s table spot is cool. 2 tables stacked, Powerbomb off the steel steps over the ropes to the floor where the tables are. Me likey.

X-Pac gets superplexed through a table… and now that leaves TORI FAP FAP. So she runs into the dumpster to escape. Dudley’s follow her, most likely to rape her inside it or something. DX hit them with chairs, they fall in and DX win, but don’t know that Tori is inside!

3-D to DX, and Tori is alone again and she gets some Bubba Wood. This is tremendous fun, but only after the vagbutt. Everything before then I just can’t remember, and everything after is just table and dumpster spots. Not good, but fun.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Rikishi Vs Kurt Angle – King of the Ring Finals

OWEN HART MENTION~!

No Billy Gunn mention. Or Shamrock. THEY WERE GOOD KINGS TOO. :lmao

The Kish does a pretty sweet job selling his arm. Modifies his offense to compensate for the injury, sells it constantly. RIKISHI KICKED OUT OF THE OLYMPIC SLAM!

Is this the first instance of an Angle opponent going to the ropes for no real reason only to take a super overhead belly to belly? Damn you Rikishi!!! You started a terrible thing! You deserved to lose this match! Fat fucker.

Angle wins. Big pop. Good match.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

The Undertaker, Kane & The Rock Vs Triple H, Shane McMahon & Vince McMahon – WWF Championship

6 man tag, where the title can change hands even if Shane or Vince get pinned!

I’M NOT IN A CORNER! YOU’RE NOT IN A CORNER AND YOU’RE NOT IN A CORNER! Vince looks high.

SHANE’S A PUSSY~!

So he attacks Kane to prove everyone wrong. Kane gives Shane a free shot. Don’t do NUFFIN. This is filled with pure FUN SCHTICK. Shane is the non wrestler, Kane is monster. Shane tries to avoid Kane at all costs. Kane wants to kill Shane at all costs. YEY!

The The Rock ruins it by tagging in. Shane keeps up the awesomeness though. UNDERTAKER TAGS IN!!!

SHANE HAS HAD A TASTE OF ALL 3 OF HIS ADVERSARIES TONIGHT. Uhhh…

Undertaker’s one arm Chokeslams are awesome. Undertaker covers Shane and… The Rock ruins it by breaking it up. FUCK YOU ROCK. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU CUNT.

Weird back body drop to HHH where he practically STICKS to Undertaker so ‘Taker has to power him over.

Ha, Rock gets what’s coming to him with a 3 on 1 beatdown on the outside after he went ribs first into the announce table. What a cunt.

:lmao Rock kicks out fo a Pedigree and the fans react like nothing happened. NOBODY LIKES YOU ROCK.

Rock is the pathetic loser who gets beat down by the heels. LOL. He gets owned by Vince and Shane. Vince pinned Rock on SD. Enters an elite group including such greats as The Hurricane. Eventually Undertaker and Kane get fed up of seeing Rock nearly lose constantly, so they attack Vince and Shane.

OMG KANE ATTACKED THE UNDERTAKER! Then he breaks up a People’s Elbow and Chokeslams The Rock. All is forgiven! :)

HHH thinks Kane has joined them. But nah, he just wants the title for himself and took his partners out so they can’t stop him! TOMBSTONE TO TRIPLE H!

Undertaker murders his brother, then catches Shane on the ropes an decides to fucking Chokeslam him to hell and back. CHOKESLAM OFF THE ROPES THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP THIS IS AWESOME CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Rock Bottom to Vince in the ring and… The Rock wins the title. By beating old man Vince. OH MY GOD HOW AWESOME AND GREAT IS THE ROCK FOR DOING THAT? HE BEAT AN OLD MAN FOR THE WWF TITLE WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND. YOU TWAT.

Such fun to be had here. I like how they work the story of Taker, Kane and Rock not really being on the same team because they are all trying to win the title, so they refuse to tag in and out and shit. Then it all comes to blows at the end. Shane is awesome in this. His schtick at the start with Kane was great. Plenty of good moments from him and then THAT CHOKESLAM. Vinnie Mac kinda does nothing but lose though.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 14.5

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *