Month: April 2011

TNA Lockdown 2011

Don’t think I’ve ever reviewed a full TNA PPV before, but for some reason I decided to do a full review for this show. Also haven’t seen a full TNA PPV in… years. Haven’t even bothered watching the odd match for the last few months despite watching Impact every week for the last few months too. But this is Lockdown, and even when I don’t care about the product (every year since like, 2006 lol) I at least went out of my way to check out some of the bigger matches on the show.

Chris Sabin Vs Robbie E Vs Jeremy Buck Vs Max Buck Vs Amazing Red Vs Jay Lethal Vs Brian Kendrick Vs Suicide

Ok, so there are tags inside the cage, which I’m never the biggest fan of, but its not something I hate. And with so many men in this match it prevents it from becoming a clusterfuck right off the bat so its perfectly fine here. However… why the FUCK are people tagging themselves in? I get when Jeremy tagged himself in to get to his brother Max as they are having their problems lately, but when someone is getting beat down and close to being eliminated, why the fuck would you tag into the match in his place? The more you are involved in the match, the more chance of being eliminated before the final 2 you get.

Kendrick has the right idea; he’s just sat on the apron where everyone pretty much forgets he is there, including me for a little while lol.

Some nice exchanges, executed really well… but bloody hell is this thing spotty for the sake of it. One part where Red jumps off the ropes and Sabin catches him in a suplex position, only for Sabin to PUT HIM DOWN and lift him up again for something else was just fucking retarded. He could have still picked him back up to do the move he wanted to do AFTER hitting the suplex and softening his opponent up more, but nah. SPOTZ~!

Finish is shit and underwhelming, and the fans stopped caring about the match around the time Lethal and Sabin were eliminated.

Strange match imo. Either they were just hitting moves for the sake of it, or they just weren’t doing much of anything. And pretty much all of it was boring (dead crowd didn’t help either).

Rating: 3/4*

Ink Ink Vs The British Invasion Vs Eric Young & Orlando Jordon Vs Crimson & Steiner

Apparently TNA has a great tag team division. I’m sure as hell not seeing it here. Ink Ink are just bad, Young and OJ are just a shitty, random joke team (Santino and Kozlov of TNA… if Kozlov was gay), Steiner and Crimson look strange together and seem to have lost focus on why the fuck they are even here (ummm… taking down Immortal? Anyone remember when Crimson was hired by “they” to deliver messages to Immortal? And when Steiner returned to help out “they” take down Immortal? None of this ringing a bell with TNA creative?), and British Invasion… well they look like a tag team and aren’t too bad actually. So that’s one so far. Still better than WWE I guess lol.

Best thing about the early going of this match is all the innuendo comments that Taz and Tenay keep coming up with or implying, regarding OJ. SPOTTED DICK~!

Man, Lockdown being an all cage PPV is just awesome. Without it, a match like this would NEVER be in a cage! Wait… wouldn’t that be a good thing? Having an all cage PPV would be fine if you know, all the matches had a fecking reason for being in the cage. At least when WWE do HIAC they don’t make ALL matches inside HIAC. Shows like TLC and Extreme Rules don’t seem as bad because they at least vary the matches. With this everything is in a cage, but there are different ways to win while inside the damn thing .

British Invasion are the work horses of this match (and rightfully so); working over OJ and Young at the beginning, then moving onto Ink Ink for the middle part of the match, and then being on the wrong end of a Steiner rampage when he gets the hot tag.

After a ton of MOVES~! at the end with everyone getting a shot in at someone… Eric Young stands tall… and escapes the cage while Moore wins the match with a pinfall… one of only two ways to win . Sucks that British Invasion are the ones on the losing end when it came down to it since they were the team that held this match together.

Not horrible, I gotta say. Like I said, British Invasion were the team to watch in this one, and without them this probably WOULD have sucked balls. But with them being in the match for 90% of the time, we saw some good tag action and I liked this for the most part.

Rating: **1/2

Madison Rayne Vs Mickie James

Mickie wins in less than a minute. Anyone else think they just copied WWE from the 2010 RR? You know, when Mickie was feuding with LayCool for AGES, and then they ended the feud with Mickie winning the belt in seconds? Yeah, that was a smart move by WWE, so I can see why TNA decided to copy it…

Oh wait, Mickie was hurt? So that’s probably why they made the match short! Ah, that’s ok then. Shitty booking can be excused because of Mickie’s injury. I guess. Kinda. Maybe. Nah. Not in the slightest. Could they come up with nothing else that wouldn’t make Madison look pathetic AND keep this feud going until Mickie COULD wrestle a full match? If Mickie couldn’t work the match beyond what she did, then surly putting the TITLE on her is… stupid? Will she be able to defend it for a few weeks?

Oh wait, the stipulation was that if Mickie lost, she would lose her hair! So they COULDN’T do anything but have Mickie win in 30 seconds! Nothing like booking yourself into a corner and not being able to get out.

And I’m done . Ranted more than I should have there, but hey, I did the same throughout my WM 27 review when it came to anything The Rock ruined did.

Rating: DUD

Samoa Joe Vs The Pope

Jesus, this feud is STILL going? Well at least its most likely gonna end here. Started off shitty, got worse, but maybe it can end on a high note with a decent match.

I had to rewind a lot of this match 2 or 3 times because I just kept losing interest and not paying attention to what they were doing. Even after watching it a few times I would forget everything before the slap fest. Which was dumb.

at Pope’s arse getting exposed, only for an OJ joke to emerge from the commentary team. Best part of the match lol.

Huh, Rear Naked Choke from Joe to Pope, who a few moments before had his arse exposed… and no joke from Taz and Tenay. I’m disappointed. Just like I am disappointed with this match. I just hope this feud is finally over with.

Rating: 1/4*

Matt Morgan Vs Hernandez

So far this show has sucked, with the tag match being enjoyable for the most part but still not being “good”. Why is it that I’m not expecting this match to change my opinion on the show so far?

Oh hey, TNA have their own Chavo! Well, he looks like him anyway… just a little more beefed up and some tattoos. I bet he jobs every week too!

So, Super Mex dominates Morgan, and is boring as SHIT on offence. Then Morgan makes a babyface comeback, and is god awful at it. probably those terrible punches he throws that makes it so bad. They just look so weak and… fake. I know wrestling isn’t exactly real, but come on, the whole point is to make shit LOOK real.

Finish (Carbon Footprint while Super Mex jumps off the ropes) looked dreadful. Yeah yeah, doing something like that is difficult due to timing and the fact one slip could seriously fuck someone up… but if you can’t do it right, just don’t bother.

Yawn. Shit. Next.

Rating: 1/4*

Jeff Jarrett Vs Kurt Angle

*please don’t be a shitty spotfest, please don’t be a shitty spotfest*

Jeff and Kurt have a history of good matches together. However, Kurt and cages have a history of nonsensical spotfests. I’m hoping a combination of the two will result in something that doesn’t make me smash my head against a wall.

Karen Angle is being removed from the ringside area. For a cage match. A match designed to keep people from interfering. LOL.

Oh, this is 2 out of 3 falls too. Cool, should be a nice feud ender .

First fall is a submission only match, so despite the fact that Kurt wants to kill Jarrett, I don’t mind the fact that he’s just WRESTLING for now. If Angle can gain the advantage with his superior mat wrestling skills then he should be able to tear Jarrett apart to gain some reve…

Oh, Jarrett just tapped to the Ankle Lock. Well, so much for that fall lol .

Wait, I’m not bothered by the quickness of that! It, dare I say this during a Kurt Angle match… makes sense. Its 2 out of 3 falls, and the Ankle Lock is a deadly move. Jarrett tapping out quickly means he isn’t in the hold for long, and he can save himself for the next 2 falls rather than being a moron and trying to fight his way out of the hold or something and being vulnerable right off the bat for the second fall.

Where is this PPV being held BTW? Crowd is fucking terrible, and not in the way the Impact Zone usually are (loud and retarded. These fans are pretty silent), so I’m guessing its not at the IZ. Jarrett hits the Stroke a few moments after tapping out and gets a near fall, and it wasn’t until Tenay mentioned it was Jarrett’s finisher than I realised what just happened lol. The fans made ZERO noise for JJ hitting Angle with his finisher during a match. LOL. At least they realise when Kurt hits HIS finisher .

Poor Angle, gotta feel for the guy. He can’t even do his favourite “pointless spot” where he gets knocked off the ropes and then bounces up and hits a super belly to belly. He eventually does it despite slipping trying to jump up onto the ropes, but its slow as hell and looks retarded.

THE VIPER IS COILED! RKO! RKO! RKO! Did I just switch to an Orton match very quickly? No? HOW DARE KURT USE ANOTHER WRESTLER’S MOVE! I demand Orton goes on Twitter, bitches about it then claims he was hacked!

at the finish to the second fall. I don’t even think Kurt and Jarrett realise it was over. The crowd sure as fuck didn’t. Hell, nobody did until JB announced the third fall rules. This match is just falling flat on its arse.

Kurt kills Jarrett with a bunch of suplexes, then begins to walk out of the cage, but like his match against Anderson he decides to stay and kill his opponent some more instead (at least, I think he did that in the Anderson match… I try to forget that entire shit fest). If it did happen during Anderson/Angle (which I think it did because I seem to remember it lol), I also seem to remember hating it because it seemed dumb (probably because the feud was basically dead weeks before the cage match when Angle GOT HIS REVENGE on Anderson on an Impact…), but for this match, its great. Its such a personal feud, and despite the fact I haven’t enjoyed the majority of it, Angle staying in to kill Jarrett some more is PERFECT.

The fuck was the deal with Jarrett telling Angle to give him some more, only to turn around and try to escape when Angle walks towards him? Jarrett was hurt and had no chance in hell of escaping while Angle was on his feet, in control and not that hurt. Oh, it was to set up a SPOT~!

And holy SHIT at the spot. I mean BOTCH. Seems they try to do a Hurricanrana out of a Powerbomb… but it was just Angle nearly landing on his neck as usual. But that doesn’t stop him from charging up the ropes for a super Angle Slam just moments later! Selling? Not for Kurt!

Kurt decides that this shit is over, and checks his underwear… only to find nothing there. The key is missing of course, not his penis (though I can’t confirm that obviously)! Fuck knows where it went, I didn’t see it fly out anywhere.

So, Kurt tries to climb out, but Gunner shows up with a chair to stop him. So, if he can’t escape, what’s the next best thing to do? MOONSAULT!

Wouldn’t have been my first answer, but hey, this is Kurt Angle! Shame is MISSED, and I honestly don’t know if that was a botch or not. I don’t recall seeing Jarrett actually move. So… Kurt MISSED a moonsault from the top of the cage, and gets up first. As if nothing happened. Then finds the cage door key in his underwear. Where he checked 5 minutes ago and couldn’t find it. Then Karen shows up and sprays something in Kurt’s eyes. Which still allows Kurt to lock in the Ankle Lock. So Jeff hits him with a guitar. And Angle still gets back up and locks in the Ankle Lock. So Karen smashes the cage door into Angle’s head. And Jeff wins.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?

Overbooked and ridiculous finish. Typical shitty selling and meaningless cage spots from Angle. Terrible end to the second fall that killed an already dead crowd until the SPOTZ~! came into play. Botched SPOTZ~! at that too.

Extremely disappointed with this, but at the same time I kinda expected it to be bad. Sure, JJ and Angle had some great matches in the past, but Angle + Cage is just something that rarely ends up being good. Not sure which match I hated more; this or Angle/Anderson. Hmmm… definitely this one actually. It had some good in it, absolutely, but they were just very small things, and they killed them off with the pure shit that follwed for the rest of the match. Bah.

Rating: *1/2

Sting Vs Mr Anderson Vs RVD

TNA title is on the line! Wonder if this will last longer than 2 minutes…

Kinda wish it was only 2 minutes tbh. Triple Threat matches are rarely great, just because the basic structure of them is a littlw weird and some guys just can’t handle it. Here they had the problem of it being a triple threat, being inside a cage, and not having that much time. So what we get is little action outside of everyone hitting finishers, hardly any selling in between the finishers… and then Hogan showing up to make things worse. Sting retains, which is fine. Actually, I quite liked the end. RVD was handed the pipe, he refused to use it, so Mr Arsehole takes advantage only for Sting to come up behind him and hit his finisher for the win, with RVD being out of it still from the pipe shot. So Anderson screwed himself over in a sense, which is always fun because Anderson sucks.

Rating: 1/2*

Immortal (Bully Ray, Matt Hardy, Abyss & Ric Flair) Vs Fourtune (Kaz, James Storm, Robert Roode & Christopher Daniels)

Lethal Lockdown. The main selling point of this PPV for the majority of its existence. The reason being is that it usually contains a ton of big stars and has a long blood feud leading up to it. This year is a little different though. No “big” stars at all (unless you count Flair, but it IS 2011 lol), and Immortal’s team is… god awful basically. But at least we have some great young talent (and Daniels who isn’t very young compared to the rest lol) in Fourtune to make up for it.

Things were dull for a little while in the early going, but once Daniels came in, things picked up and I really started enjoying it. Some really nice offence from Daniels, and some good double team stuff by Daniels and Kaz as they try to keep Hardy and Abyss down before they are at a 3-2 disadvantage. Flair is in next, and the fans are loving everything he does. Things get better when Storm comes in and takes care of everyone but Flair, causing Flair to both beg off Storm and scream at Abyss and Hardy to get up to help him . Bottle to the head of Flair, followed by a typical obvious blade job from the Nature Boy .

Bully is last in for Immortal, and things start going their way for the next few minutes thanks to Bully’s freshness in the match and his power.

Roode is last in and goes to work on Immortal, as his team are laid out still. He fends them off long enough for the rest of Fourtune to rest, and then the cage top with weapons finally lowers (almost forgot about that lol). Now things should get more interesting… I hope.

With Immortal down, Fourtune are free to get the weapons for themselves, and they destroy their opponents, even sending Abyss through the door. So, with Immortal getting killed, what does Hardy do? Goes outside and climbs on top of the cage. Ummm… did Angle make some suggestions bfore the match?

FUCK! Daniels joining Hardy on top of the cage and nearly fell off the damn thing. Then Matt DOES fall off… while climbing down I think so its not as bad, but we just see it in the background and its made into such a little deal that its laughable. At least when Daniels jumps off the thing onto Abyss and Hardy they show it fully on camera and make a big deal out of it .

Bully owning everyone with a Kendo Stick might be my legit favourite part of this entire show, never mind just the match. Especially when he starts showing off and spinning it in his hands. I demand he change his character from Bully Ray to Ninja Ray.

Ok, I just found something even better. Flair, covered in blood, trying to sneak up behind AJ. I’m gonna have to post an image of that.

Anyway, Flair gets stuck in an arm bar and taps out, and Fourtune get the big victory with a return of AJ too.

Fun match for the most part. Early going was dull, but it picked up once Daniels got in, and it kept my interest from there. Loved pretty much everything after the roof came down (except for Hardy’s random climb to the top of the cage). Great to see the right people going over, and no Hogan/Bischoff showing up either (I guess Hogan didn’t want to walk to the ring twice ). Definitely MOTN, but even so, its nothing I would call great or even that good. Just entertaining.

Rating: **3/4

OVERALL: Terrible, terrible PPV. I thought WM was shit outside of maybe 3 matches, but this really doesn’t have ANYTHING you need to see.

WrestleMania 27 2011

Its very rare I review a full show these days, but I make sure to do it for the RR and WM. Amazing how little I was actually interested in the event this year due to the build up. And then how little I cared for the show AFTER I watched it live. Hoping a rewatch for this review will change my opinion on things…

Sheamus Vs Daniel Bryan – US Title

No real build for this match, but I’m a massive Danielson fan due to his in ring work, and Sheamus has improved a ton in the last year. Nice to see the US belt actually getting defended as well.

So, the PPV kicks off with this match and… wait… no it doesn’t. This match doesn’t make it on the show AT ALL. It got put on the pre-show (so we’ll most likely see it on DVD)… AND TURNED INTO A FUCKING BATTLE ROYAL THAT KHALI WON. Why did this happen? Oh yeah, because the guest host of WM, The Rock, had to cut a 15 minute promo.

BULLSHIT.

Makes it even worse that the promo was fucking shit and UTTERLY POINTLESS. It added NOTHING to the show in the slightest. I did not pay for this PPV to see no wrestling for the first 20 minutes, and certainly not for a fucking Rock promo.

Rating: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLSHIT

Edge Vs Alberto Del Rio – World Heavyweight Title

So, after Rocky’s pointless and shit promo, we finally get a match… and its the WHC match? The fuck?

As soon as they announced this was the opener, I had a feeling that Del Rio wasn’t winning. Maybe I thought a big title change like this simply wouldn’t happen as the opener, but honestly I can’t really say the exact reason I got that feeling. Turned out to be right though…

Gotta love how Christian, one of the most talented wrestlers in the world right now, is stuck on the outside doing nothing…

Del Rio quickly goes after the injured arm, which is of course a smart move. The only real potential I saw for this match was the arm work and Edge’s selling of it and fighting to come back, so it made me a little happy to see that neither man was retarded enough to ignore it (hey, it has been done before lol…).

With Del Rio working the arm, Edge really has to use his veteran instincts to create openings for himself, which we see fairly early on when he moves out of Del Rio’s way, and Rio goes flying through the ropes to the outside. Then the importance of leaving WM with the WHC is made perfectly clear when Edge lands a top rope dive to the floor in an attempt to keep his opponent down.

And with Edge creating all these openings due to being the veteran, Del Rio does equally as well by going back to the injured arm to control the match whenever Edge gets some offence in.

Rather loved the spot with Del Rio hitting that big kick on Edge, going for the cover, only for Edge to get his foot on the rope and Rodriguez running past to take it off before the ref sees him. Great to see someone on the outside actually doing more than just standing around these days.

When Brodus smashed Edge’s shoulder into the ring post and Del Rio went for the Cross Arm Breaker, I thought it was over, but alas, it was not to be. And a few moments later… Del Rio gets hit with a running hug and for some reason Edge actually retains the belt. Bah.

Match had a lot going for it, I gotta admit, but outside of a couple of spots, there was nothing that we wouldn’t see from lower card guys in a Superstars match. It was just totally underwhelming for a WM match, and even more so for a WHC match. It wasn’t until the very end when things seemed that important and they went into a higher gear either. A little better than I expected tbh, but as I predicted, Christian/Del Rio on SD a couple of weeks back was WAY better than this. Sucks balls that Edge is still champ too. Guy’s boring and stale beyond belief.

Rating: **1/2

Cody Rhodes Vs Rey Mysterio

Totally looking forward to this match! Great build up, and both men talented enough to give us something great.

Why does Rey always have to look like a retard at WM?

After the beatdowns the last couple of weeks, Rey wastes no time going after Cody, and tries to take that protective mask off too. Not to embarrass Cody, but to remove the potential weapon.

Cool to see someone in a feud with Rey NOT caring about the mask or taking it off. This time its CODY’S mask that is the focal point over Rey’s mask, and its Rey’s KNEE BRACE that is the target of his opponent.

Tremendous sequence from Cody where he spins Rey around in the ropes, headbutts him with the mask, then does that leaping kick (I’m sure it has a name, but I forget these things) to Rey’s head. Makes a great sound and looks amazing.

Again Rhodes looks awesome when he counters some Rey Rey offence and utilises some BOB HOLLY offence to try and put him away.

Since Rey and the knee brace injured Rhode’s face months back, Cody does a wonderful job of trying to get the knee brace off, and when Rey keeps fighting back so he can’t do it, goes after the face of Rey to gain some revenge.

Like Del Rio going back to the arm of Edge in the previous match, Cody keeps using the protective mask to headbutt Rey whenever Rey might be making a comeback. All in all just some great work from Cody.

After some great offence by Cody, he finally has Rey down and almost out, enough to take off that knee brace and hopefully avoid getting injured again. But once this happens, Mysterio is pissed and makes sure to take the mask off of Cody and land a 619!

Cody is resilient though, so Rey goes one step further for retribution, and puts on the Cody mask! A few headbutts with it and Cody looks to be out, but nope, he still fights back! So how does Cody react to having his face attacked with his own protective mask? He grabs the knee brace that he took off of Rey, and smashes him in the face! One finisher later, and Cody picks up the big win!

Fucking great how the knee brace came into the finish, and actually HELPED Cody, after ruining his life for so many months prior to WM. Shocked to see Cody get the win, but extremely pleased. Great match, awesome storytelling, and perfect finish.

Rating: ****

What’s this? A Pointless segment backstage and The Rock isn’t involved? I AM SHOCKED! Something about Snoopy the Dog and people trying to be funny but not really achieving it. Except for Regal. Oh, and how many of us wish that Piper would hit the real singer of “Friday” in the head with a coconut? Not just me I’m sure!

The Corre Vs The Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella & Kofi Kingston

So, Vlad was taken out during Axxess and Kofi takes his place. Don’t care for either man so it doesn’t matter to me which one of them is here or not.

In my predictions I said that Corre will probably win, since 3 of the 4 are holding titles, but WWE are stupid enough to make them lose.

Man oh man, if only I knew then that WWE were even MORE stupid than I could possibly imagine. Not only do the Corre lose… but they lose in a grand total of about 2 minutes (actually, more like 1 and a half). Again, I have to bring up the fact that Rocky cut a 15 minute pointless promo at the start of the show, and a match gets cut and another gets cut so short it might as well have been cut. Thanks Rock!

Its weird though, I’m pissed that it was so pointlessly short, but at the same time I wasn’t interested in the match anyway. Perhaps with 10 minutes or so it could have been a nicely worked match, or perhaps it could have sucked and making it less than 2 minutes was the best thing for it. We will never know. The minute and a half it DOES get is entertaining as hell at least, so that’s… you know, something. I mark for Show’s right hand.

Rating: 1/4*

Snoopy had his chance for a pointless backstage segment, and now The Rock gets to do it. Yey. LOL at him talking to Eve and saying how great it is that she is the Divas champion… and yet she isn’t even on the WM card. Did I mentioned already that this is pointless? They had the chance to do something decent with it when Austin showed up… but they just said hello basically and left. I bet Sheamus and Danielson just LOVE Rocky for probably getting paid a couple of million to be here and taking their WM match away from them.

CM Punk Vs Randy Orton

This one has potential to be good, but based on Orton’s terrible babyface match formula, it also has the potential to suck more balls than The Rock.

So we have another match where the story can revolve around a particular thing; first it was Edge’s arm, then we had Rey’s head and knee brace along with Cody’s mask, and now Orton’s leg. Its all simple stuff, but done right can really make a match. Edge/Del Rio didn’t go beyond the basics, Rey/Cody worked all aspects in their match extremely well, and now we just have to see how Punk and Orton work with the leg.

Punk goes after the leg the moment the bell rings, so I guess we can expect the leg to be the main focus, which is exactly what it should be. Punk’s offence is tremendous, and Orton shows that he can sell really well too. I know he can, but some people out there seriously don’t think Orton can do anything except for an RKO…

RKO countered into a kick to the face by Punk was epic. In fact, Punk has some tremendous kicks throughout the match, especially the sequence of kicks that ends with a sweep to knock Orton down into the Anaconda Vice.

Despite some good selling by Orton, Punk’s offence seems to be really up and down after a while. We get bursts of greatness from him, then periods of “meh” offence where it looks like he’s just wasting time. Maybe that’s not the best way to describe it, but I’m struggling to really think of what it is I’m trying to say lol.

Orton failing the hit the Punt because of his leg, but leaping up for an RKO was pretty fantastic. I would have preferred that to have landed and be the finish rather than Punk getting away and then jumping into another RKO.

Some good stuff here, but some of it seemed a little dull to me and I wasn’t a fan of the finish. Like I said, should have ended with the attempted one rather than the “catch off the ropes” one. Disappointed with this one, but at the same time it wasn’t as horrible as it could have been either.

Rating: **1/2

What’s that? More pointless backstage Rock segments? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hey looks, its Pee Wee “I’m a children’s entertainer and I got caught masturbating at a movie theatre” Herman. Great for PG WWE!

And this is followed by the usual HOF segment where they are all introduced and only a couple of them get reactions lol. Sunny looked hot as hell, and poor Drew Carey got booed. And Shawn got his own huge entrance while the rest were already on the stage. I guess it helped save time, I mean, they needed that extra 15 minutes for The Rock at the start!

Michael Cole with Jack Swagger Vs Jerry Lawler – Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin

LMFAO at Michael Cole. Me and my brother just cracked up when we saw what he was wearing. Awesome that JR was on commentary. When Booker was announced I was pissed because he sucks, but then JR came out too and I was happy again.

Amazing to think that this feud was the major reason for me buying this event… and the match ended up being god awful. I knew it wasn’t going to be a classic, but they just went about the whole thing completely wrong and it turned into a shit fest on par with Hart/McMahon (except Cole didn’t need to rest half way through the match lol).

It started off great; Lawler takes out Swagger while Cole cowers in his tool box before Lawler finally gets his hands on him. Then Swagger attacks Lawler from behind while Austin is distracted, and Cole is in control.

And then it gets shit.

Cole starts to work over the leg and ankle of Lawler. In such a shitty way. And takes WAY too long to do it. WAY TOO LONG. Take 10 minutes away from this match, and the 15 minutes from Rocky’s promo and we have an extra 25 minutes that could have been spread across Danielson/Sheamus and the 8 man tag or something.

I’m not one of those fans who thinks that WWE needs blood to make it more awesomesauce (you know, like TNA!), but this match could have perhaps been saved at the end had Cole bladed and was covered in blood following some huge rights from Lawler. But since that wasn’t possible in the slightest… how about just a fucking Piledriver to end it? Bah.

Lawler getting to take out Cole at the end was a nice payoff, and the Raw GM reversing the decision and giving it to Cole was great too… as long as they don’t go into overkill with Cole’s character on Raw because of it. Still, it NEEDED to be way shorter and Cole should have gone a completely different way with his offence. Disappointing as FUCK and really really bad for the most part, but it did have its moments where I was entertained.

Rating: 1/4*

The Undertaker Vs Triple H

Without a doubt the BIGGEST match on the show… and really the ONLY big match on the show. Despite my seeming man love for The Undertaker, I wasn’t too interested in this one. Based on their previous matches over the years I had a lot of reason to doubt it. And watching it live didn’t do much for me.

However, after sitting through 20 minutes of Lawler/Cole and numerous other disappointments, and the fact it was around half 2 in the morning by now, I was tired and a little bored and probably didn’t pay as much attention to it. Hopefully this rewatch will do some good. I mean, back at WM 25 I wasn’t THAT impressed with HBK/Undertaker when I saw it live. Adored it when I reviewed it the next day.

“For Whom The Bell Tolls” plays and out comes HHH for a rather unspectacular WM entrance. Nobody this year really had an entrance worth mentioning, including Undertaker right afterwards. Though I always enjoy Undertaker’s entrance no matter what lol. Oh, and his new coat was awesome too. Maybe one of these days I’ll look into getting a coat like that, always really wanted one.

No time wasted here as HHH takes the fight right to The Undertaker with those big lefts and rights. No need to feel his opponent out; he’s been in the ring before, plus he just wants to end the Streak at any cost, so going for the big bombs right away makes sense. Undertaker just kinda shrugs him off though, launching him out of the ring. HHH throws more bombs at Undertaker on the outside, but Undertaker again shrugs him aside and sends him into the steel steps. Undertaker wants to control this match and go at HIS pace, regardless of what HHH wants to do. So HHH charges at The Undertaker and sends him crashing through the tool box, which leads to a great visual of Undertaker getting up almost DBZ style when someone is knocked into a mountain or something and they just stand back up and let the rocks fly off them lol. He stares at HHH almost as if to say “fine, we’ll do it YOUR way”.

HHH is really determined to take out Undertaker here, and as a result Undertaker takes a bump into the barricade that someone of his age and condition (hip surgery a year or so ago I think) really shouldn’t be taking. But its WM and he’ll do everything he can. The fight goes onto the announcers table, and HHH takes a huge bump with a back body drop off the table to the floor, and perhaps legit injures his left arm which he favours for the rest of the match, but not in a way that prevents him from doing anything if you get me.

Knowing that he is truly in for the fight of a lifetime, Undertaker knows he has to really bust out everything in his arsenal. After WM 25 when he landed on his head, I didn’t think we would see it again, especially since he didn’t do it at WM 26 and his condition has got to be worse a year later… but dammit, Undertaker continues to prove that he is still the best in the world when he wants to be, and he dives over that top rope as effortlessly as he did a decade ago when he was in way better shape.

The big bumps keep coming, and Undertaker again puts his body in more risk than he should when he attempts to put HHH through a table but ends up taking a AA Spinebuster through it instead! DAMN!

Watching live, and feeling how I did (bored, disappointed and tired due to the time and rest of the show so far lol), I just saw this as one giant finishing stretch from the get go with no psychology or anything. Watching it again in a much better mood, I can see it for what it really is; awesome. The match is all about HHH wanting to end the streak or die trying, and Undertaker wanting to prove to HHH that is ISN’T his time to go yet. So HHH does what he does best; be a ruthless cunt who will destroy his opponent at any cost, while Undertaker continues to fight back and kick out of anything The Game throws at him. If they had started slow, locking up and “wrestling” at the beginning, it really would have been dumb given the context of the feud, so I for one am glad that they went all out from the start. Helps that they are executing everything so well too.

At some point Undertaker gets a Chokeslam in, but nobody in their right mind believes that its over lol. A Pedigree shows up too, and it too isn’t that great as a false finish, just because of what Undertaker and HBK did the last 2 years.

The Last Ride spot, while again not the best false finish, was still cool because it was a great throwback to WM 17, as Undertaker defeated HHH that way 10 years ago at this very event. Undertaker getting frustrated was great to see. His character as the last outlaw might not look too different on the surface, but he really is been shown as more “human” than usual, and given the feud with Undertaker not accepting HHH’s statement that he’s done, getting frustrated like this at not being able to put HHH away really adds to the story of the match. If a Last Ride, and then a TOMBSTONE can’t put HHH away… can Undertaker do it? Can he hold on to his streak? DRAMA~!

The second Pedigree is a way better false finish than the first. Like the Tombstone, its one of THE most protected finishers in the entire industry really (though other companies tend to use the Tombstone every now and then and NOT finish a match with it…). So seeing 2 of them not work, and then a THIRD in a very short period of time after the second one also not work was just amazing. I always go into these matches expecting Undertaker to win, but every so often a certain spot in certain matches over the last few years really makes me think that the Streak might end this time. That third Pedigree was one of those moments along with the last Superkick in WM 26 before Undertaker eventually won.

MOAR Throwbacks in the match (which I LOVE btw) with HHH using the steel chair similar to how Austin used it on The Rock at WM 17 when Rocky kept kicking out of the Stunner, and then the “stay down” which was a throwback to WM 26 when Undertaker told HHH’s best friend HBK to stay down. Makes the match that much better that Undertaker actually finished HBK off after telling him to stay down and he didn’t, so with HHH saying it maybe he would actually get the win!

Undertaker’s selling in this match NEEDS to be talked about too. The man really is one of the better sellers IN THE WORLD today, and has been for a number of years, even with the Dead Man gimmick. He can make things believable while still being able to be the “other worldly” character. Here he comes across as more human, as I mentioned earlier, and his selling is just impeccable. You really get the feeling that he’s at death’s door and the next big move could end his streak, and his life (kayfabe of course).

And then there is the Tombstone. From HHH. Good GOD. I’m struggling to decide which is better; Tombstone kick out by HBK at WM 25, or this one. The crowd has been pretty shitty most of the night, but picked up for this match, and when Undertaker kicked out of that Tombstone they went ballistic. Almost as if THEY, like me, believed that it was over. And then it wasn’t. And it was awesome.

Just as Undertaker was getting frustrated with HHH kicking out of shit, HHH begins to get that same feeling, and resorts to bringing out the Sledgehammer. He drags Undertaker to the centre of the ring, and informs the Dead Man that “Its time”. And Undertaker sticks him in Hells Gate! What a struggle this is too, with HHH trying to hang on, trying to escape. At one point he grabs that Sledgehammer, and we know that just one shot from that and it could be it for The Undertaker… but HHH is fading fast, and the Sledgehammer drops. The hammer hits the mat, and then The Game taps out. I would have preferred for HHH to simply “pass out” to really put over the “die trying” mentality that he had going into the match, but its a minor complaint really.

Damn. Definitely, DEFINITELY enjoyed this more on this rewatch. A LOT more. A fucking TON more. This is fantastic. Truly epic. The storytelling is off the charts, the action is incredible, and the finish (while not 100% perfect) is great. This was one hell of a battle, and the selling from both men, but especially The Undertaker, is out of this world. Hell, I’ve been reading all day from numerous sites that a LOT of people believed that Undertaker was legit hurt and out of it. I just have to wonder what’s next for Undertaker after the way he was taken to the back.

Rating: ****3/4

John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snookie Vs LayCool & Dolph Ziggler

Urgh. Jersey Whore. As long as the guys get some decent time to work in the ring, and Trish does the majority of the diva work for her team, this should be ok.

Trish and McCool start things out, and they work pretty well together, especially by diva standards. Chick Kick early on almost had me believing that this match was gonna just randomly end, but WWE wouldn’t be that stupid, would they? Of course not… Dolph breaks it up and the match continues…

FOR ABOUT 1 MORE MINUTE.

Snookie gets the tag, does a handspring elbow and then a shitty splash… and gets the win.

And that’s it.

So ummm… why were Dolph and Morrison even in this match? Seriously, what the FUCK was the point of them being here?

Trish/McCool at the start at least prevents this from being the worst thing on the card.

Rating: 1/2*

The Miz Vs John Cena – WWE Title

Miz gets a great video package… while Cena is made to look like some sort of messiah or something. The fuck? I guess “Cenation” will be a religion by the end of the year…

I went into this match with low expectations… and they did nothing to exceed them. This is just bad.

Dull. Best way to describe this one. Only thing I can say positive about it is… ummm.. the F-U kickout from The Miz. As far as the F-U goes, being a fucking shitty move and all, it was probably one of the best Cena has done in terms of impact, and Miz kicking out of it was a shock.

The double countout thing was shit, but if ANYONE honestly expected WWE to end the main event of WM like this, then you must be a TNA fan.

Rock comes out (because, you know, he hasn’t taken up much time on this show yet) and talks again… Raw GM says something. Rock ignores it and somehow gains the power to make matches because he’s the guest host of WM, and the match restarts. Rock Bottom to Cena. Miz wins. I am shocked at the outcome. Miz celebrates. Rock beats him up. WM ends with Rock celebrating.

WAY TO RUIN WM FOR ME ROCK!

Rating: 1/2*

Final Thoughts

Well… for a WM this is BAD. Really fucking BAD. Undertaker/HHH was awesome, but aside from Rey/Rhodes, there is NOTHING you need to see on this show at all.

Rock talking for 15 minutes instead of the ADVERTISED US Title match was beyond bullshit. Some of the booking decisions for the matches were stupid and shitty. Just left a bad taste in my mouth. On paper, I wasn’t expecting much from this show at all, and unfortunately it didn’t surprise me in a good way. When I buy the DVD (for my collection), I’ll rewatch Rhodes/Mysterio and Undertaker/HHH… and the rest will probably never see the light of day from me lol.

Overall Rating: 4/10