Month: November 2014

 

One Night Stand 2005

 

Getting this out of the way now. Original ECW fans, prepare to hate me for the rest of eternity.

 

Joey Styles get announced and looks like he’s gonna cry cos the fans chant his name lol. He brings out CACTUS JACK as his co-commentator. HOLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY KEPT IN THE CACTUS JACK MUSIC. Seriously, how have they always put in some shitty version of that on DVD in the past?

 

Lance Storm Vs Chris Jericho

Former tag partners here, and they had each other’s first match ever too! Storm would consider this his last match for a couple of years until ROH threw some money at him .

ARM DRAGS~!

Fook me that dropkick from Storm was pretty epic. Looked perfect and looked like it nailed Jericho RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE too.

ONE ARM STALLING SUPLEX FROM STORM~!

NICELY DONE MICKLES~!

TIGER SUPLEX FROM JERICHO~!

SUPERKICK FROM STORM~!

Match is very back and forth moves-y stuff, with both guys countering each other and hitting moves then getting countered and being hit by moves and I guess in THIS instance I can sort of forgive it because they trained together and were tag partners and kayfabe “know each other inside out”.

Interference from Justin Credible and… ummmm… some other dude. KENDO STICK TO JERICHO~! Storm wins.

Match was decent at best. Not horrible, but not exactly good lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Nice video tribute to all the fallen wrestlers who appeared in ECW over the years.

 

Tajiri Vs Little Guido Vs Super Crazy

SINISTER MINISTER JAMES MITCHELL . Fuck me, Mickey Whipwreck got fat lol.

F.B.I. . Big Guido is one big motherfucker lol. TRACY SMOTHERS . Not sure why he’s with the F.B.I. though lol.

HE’S SUPER. HE’S CRAZY. HE’S GOT ONE HELL OF A THEME.

at Joey Styles calling the referee a poor bastard having to referee this match.

MOONSAULT OFF THE BALCONY~! Super Crazy really is SUPER CRAZY~!

ECW fans chanting in Spanish as Super Crazy does the 10 punches in the corner. That’s awesome.

ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE~! TAJIRI IS OWNING FUCKING EVERYONE~! He eliminates Guido.

Super Crazy keeps hitting Moonsaults lol. I’m sure that’s a thing he does but fuck if I know lol.

POWERBOMB~! MOONSAULT~! Tajiri is done and Super Crazy wins this match.

Fun. They go all out for the short amount of time they got and it was fun. Nothing more needs to be said.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Psicosis Vs Rey Mysterio

Can’t say I’m a fan of their previous ECW matches back in the day. But Rey had improved a TON in WWE so maybe we’ll get something I will enjoy here. Maybe.

Psicosis took his mask off at the start of the match and Joey Styles put over how huge it was and how it shows that he respects the fans and shit… and 2 minutes into the match the fans are chanting “put the mask on” at him .

The fans aren’t having much fun in this match . Until Psicosis hits a legdrop off the top rope to Rey who is on the guard rail, which looked fucking SICK.

Psicosis goes shoulder first into the ring post then takes a retarded bump off it outside of the ring and over the guard rail, just so we could get a Rey spot where he jumps over the ropes onto Psicosis in the fans.

West Coast Pop and this is over. Wow. This wasn’t very good .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Angle, JBL and some other SD stars show up to “invade” aka sit and watch the show. FUCK YOU SMACKDOWN chant. NO, FUCK YOU ECW. SMACKDOWN IS AWESOME. Well… maybe not so much in 2005 but 2005 SD > ECW any year except when WWE took it over. SUCK ON THAT, BITCHES!

Joel Gertner shows up and… gets booted out by JBL. PROMO TIME FROM THE SD STARS~!

Fans to Angle: YOU SUCK DICK.

Angle to fans: YOU’RE MOTHERS TAUGHT ME HOW.

Well done Kurt. You just admitted you suck dick. LOL.

JBL promo~! Awesome stuff from him.

RVD returns and interrupts him. RVD is in a leg brace though cos his knee be fucked. So we don’t get him in a match on the show. Oh what a shame. He cuts a pretty decent promo, as like he says, he wasn’t limited to “whatever” and “cool” lol.

GORE! GORE! GOOOOOOOORE!!! Rhino just fucking GORED an injured RVD to fucking hell . Lights go out and… Sabu. This is a match apparently lol?

 

Rhino Vs Sabu

RHINO . Shame he’s stuck with Sabu.

CHAIR TO RHINO’S HEAD.

What the? Did that just happen? Did I see what I think I saw? OH MY GOD! Sabu just ran the ropes, jumped on a chair, jumped off the chair onto the top rope then dived off onto Rhino… AND HE DIDN’T BOTCH IT.

Good guy Sabu pulls the referee in front of him to avoid a Gore lol. PILEDRIVER~!

RVD gets involved and lobs a chair into Rhino’s face. He sets Rhino up on a table, and Sabu leg drops him through it using a chair too. This is done.

Meh.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Al Snow talking to head. Apparently head invited the Smackdown stars lol.

 

Raw stars arrive now. WILLIAM REGAL~! He’s more hardcore than any ECW guy tbh. CHRISTIAN~! He would be the greatest ECW champion ever 4 years later!!!

 

Chris Benoit Vs Eddie Guerrero

On paper this looks . Hell not too long before this, on Smackdown, they had a fucking TREMENDOUS match. So they are certainly capable of putting on a classic here.

Ahhh typical ECW fans. You have 2 INCREDIBLE wrestlers having a match and they are busy chanting shit at people (Raw & SD guys) in the crowd. Just like the Eddie/Malenko matches from back in the day!

Fans finally pay attention to the match and chant for both guys. ABOUT TIME YOU STUPID ECW FUCKS .

Eddie is bleeding from the nose. EEEEE SEEE DUB! EEEEE SEEEE DUB!

Oh wait, back to chanting shit at the Raw & SD guys.

Though tbh there isn’t much happening in the ring. They’ve chopped each other a ton, then Eddie has used a couple of sleepers and… that’s about it really so far lol.

SUPERPLEX~! MISSED FROG SPLASH~!

Benoit hits a few different suplexes. HEADBUTT. Eddie kicks out.

Crossface. Eddie taps.

Wow, this was a giant ton of fuck all. Disappointing as HELL.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Joel Gertner comes back and wants to ask Bischoff a question. CAN HE PLEASE HAVE A JOB?

 

Mike Awesome Vs Masato Tanaka

Oh boy. These guys have some OVERRATED AS FUCK matches during the original ECW days. This always gets praised too. Will I like it though?

Styles burying Awesome because of the WCW deal back in the day .

“SUICIDE DIVE BY MIKE AWESOME. AND IT’S A SHAME HE DIDN’T SUCCEED IN TAKING HIS OWN LIFE” Ummmm… I ain’t touching that one .

AWESOME BOMB OFF THE APRON THROUGH A TABLE~!

SPLASH OFF THE TOP ROPE~!

Ok, finisher through a table. Splash from a 300lb man off the top rope. This is over now, right? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ANOTHER AWESOME BOMB~!

MULTIPLE HARD SHOTS TO THE HEAD AND TANAKA NO SELLS THE FUCK OUT OF ALL OF THEM BECAUSE EEEEEE SEEEE DUB! EEEEE SEEE DUB!

TORNADO DDT ONTO A CHAIR~!

2 count, obviously.

I’d make a joke about Angle putting this match together, but the sad thing is they were having these kind of matches long before Angle was.

CHAIR TO THE HEAD WHILE JUMPING OFF THE ROPES~!

Awesome doesn’t even bother going for the cover because in what world would THAT be the finish? Certainly not the world of EEEEE SEEEE DUB! EEEEE SEEE DUB!

Awesome wrestles with a couple of tables.

TORNADO DDT THROUGH THE TABLE~!

2 count. I bet Cena watches this match for porn. NEW PORN GENRE~! 2 COUNT PORN~!

AWESOME BOMB OFF THE ROPES ONTO THE ALREADY BROKEN TABLE~!

2 count again. Because EEEEEE SEEEEE DUB! EEEEE SEEEE DUB!

Awesome spends 5 minutes setting up another table on the floor.

AWESOME BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE~! AWESOME FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A SPLASH AND HOLY SHIT GETS THE 3 COUNT!

Fuck me what a pile of dogshit. Nothing but finishers through tables or onto chairs.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

PAUL HEYMAN~! My favourite part of ECW lol. Such a shame he wasted all his years on ECW and not something good .

Heyman thanks a bunch of people, then shoots on the WWE guys . 2 WORDS: MATT FREAKIN’ HARDY!

 

The Dudley Boys Vs Tommy Dreamer & Sandman

Main event time! THANK FUCK.

No Enter Sandman on the DVD. Bah. Cheap bastards. Can throw money at Motorhead nonstop for the last decade but Metallica? Ironically only if HHH is using the theme for himself or a match he’s involved in…

Even worse about all of that is the fact Motorhead did a cover of Enter Sandman which I fucking LOVE and prefer to the original. WHY DIDN’T YOU PAY MOTORHEAD FOR THAT AT LEAST? Cheap cunty bastards.

I know I’m talking a lot about Sandman’s theme… but let’s face it, there is more to discuss there than there is his in ring skills .

at Devon dancing to Sandman’s theme.

BWO IN DA HOUSE~! Anything to keep this match from actually starting .

STEVIE KICK TO SANDMAN~!

Kid Kash MR TNA TOTAL NONSTOP ATTITUDE .

Balls and Axel come down with chairs too because EEEEE SEEE DUB. EEEE SEEE DUB.

Obvious set up to dive over the ropes is obvious.

Match finally starts. Boooo .

Dreamer has a cheese grater. He’s probably just hungry.

CHEESE GRATER TO THE OPEN WOUND ON DREAMER’S HEAD WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY CAUSED BY… EEEEEE SEEEEE DUB. EEEEEE SEEEE DUB.

OH MY GOD! DREAMER JUST HIT BUBBA IN THE FACE WITH A PLASTIC BEER CUP! EEEEEE SEEEEE DUB! EEEEEE SEEEE DUB!

at Sandman doing the Figure Four. I’ll make an educated guess and say he’s drunk .

STORM AND CREDIBLE~!

SOME ECW WOMEN KICKING DREAMER IN THE BALLS~!

BEULAH CAT FIGHT WITH THE WOMEN~! ONLY SHE GETS TO PLAY WITH DREAMER’S BALLS DAMMIT!

at the DDT from Beulah on Bubba. Bubba falls before she does .

MY GOD HE JUST CRUSHED THE MAN’S BALLS~!

Powerbomb to Sandman through a table. Of course that’s only a 2 count.

3-D to Dreamer!!!

Table gets set up, and out comes SPIKE~! He has lighter fluid.

FLAMING TABLE~!

POWERBOMB TO DREAMER THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE~!

And this match is done.

Thankfully.

Was mildly entertaining. MILDLY. BARELY. NOT SOMETHING I’D CALL GOOD STILL.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Dreamer is hurt and just got powerbombed through a table so… Sandman calls for a beer! And who brings it? STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!

All the ECW guys comes out for a beer bash. And then the WWE guys invade and start a brawl. JBL beats the fuck out of the Blue Meanie for real. TAZ shows up. Chokes out Angle.

Foley drags Bischoff to the ring to get his arse mauled too. None of the WWE guys seem to want to help him lol.

3-D TO BISCHOFF~!

DIVING HEADBUTT FROM BENOIT~!

619 FROM MYSTERIO~!

FUCK ECW~!

STUNNER~!

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 2

SummerSlam 2005

 

So I always like to end my PPV Rambles with the better/most interesting PPV to me of the year. People told me I should save SummerSlam for last because it’s the best. So I’m doing it first and saving Vengeance for last. Suck it .

 

Orlando Jordan Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United States Championship Match

Bell rings.

German suplex.

Crossface.

Tap out.

Best match of Orlando’s career.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

THIS IS ABOUT YOU WINNING AGAINST REY BEING BETTER THAN HIM. I can see why WWE decided to give Vickie a mic after this, she’s clearly a natural speaker…

 

Matt Hardy Vs Edge

I actually watched this not too long ago and thought it was fucking wonderful. Totally watching it again though. Because, you know. WONDERFUL.

How awesome was this feud btw? They took something that was very real, and because of fans reaction to Matt getting fired, then HAD to bring him back. And before they officially announced him being back, a lot of his run-ins felt very “real”, or at least more so than your typical angle. Just a shame the feud only seemed to elevate Edge and not Matt.

Coach: YOU’RE NOT GONNA SEE A WRESTLING HOLD IN THIS MATCH, NOT A SINGLE ONE

Straight after Coach says that, Hardy applies a sleeper .

Matt throws some wicked shots at Edge. Totally fucking potatoing him. HEADBUTT FROM EDGE~!

SPEAR THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR~!

MOAR stuff shots from Matt . This is just a fucking FIGHT and it’s beautiful.

Fucking hell Matt takes one hell of a shot to the face with the ring post. That’s it for Matt. He’s bleeding and he’s fucked. Edge goes straight to work on the open wound, and just keeps PUNCHING IT.

KNEE’S TO THE FACE~!

MULTIPLE KICKS TO THE FACE~!

The referee calls for the bell. Matt cannot continue. This was short, sweet and BRUTAL. Love it. Perfect match for the feud. Cannot wait to see their cage match again .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Rey Mysterio – Custody of Dominick Ladder Match

I’m so fucking excited to see the JD and GAB matches between these two. I’m also very pleased I’ve already done my WM 21 ramble so I don’t have to sit through their awful match there. This one though? Well… I’m not hyped for it… but it’s not something I consider to be awful. Just wish the whole Dominick story didn’t get in the way of Eddie and Rey’s feud. They were doing perfectly fine with Eddie simply wanting to beat Rey, then turning heel because he NEEDED to beat Rey no matter the cost. But no, WWE had to throw in the whole “Eddie is really Dominick’s father” crap.

Fucking awesome seated senton over the ropes to Eddie on the floor, which looked even better due to the fact Eddie was holding a ladder and Rey avoided it and landed perfectly on Eddie’s face .

BOTCH~! Eddie went for a sunset flip powerbomb, but let go of Rey and both guys just fall to the floor lol.

HI-LO TO REY SANDWICHED BETWEEN LADDERS~! Which is something I always hate. RVD does it in like, every ladder match ever but with a rolling thunder. And it’s always dumb, because whoever delivers the move HURTS THEMSELVES. Surely doing the move to someone on a ladder hurts enough, right? No sense in putting another ladder on top of them so you hurt both of you. Right?

Oh sweet jebus. Eddie gets back body dropped off the ladder onto another ladder, which looks sick, then the ladder Rey was on collapses and his crashes and burns too. No wonder his knees are fucked.

Rey takes another sick ladder bump, leaving Eddie to climb the ladder! And then… Dominick comes into the ring and tries to shake the ladder… but the kid is 8 years old and probably couldn’t shift the ladder with nobody on it. Looks more hilarious than a kid desperate to save Rey.

I’M YOUR NEW DADDY NOW~! Heel Eddie rules.

Rey hits a 619 to Eddie who is holding a ladder, and he fucks up his knees AGAIN. So what does he do to follow it up? LEGDROP THE LADDER~! Rey is absolutely DESTROYING his own legs. In a match where you have to CLIMB A LADDER to win. What a fucking moron .

SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB OFF THE LADDER~! Rey manages to execute it properly .

Rey is about to win until… Eddie kicks the ladder out from under him, and catches a falling Rey with a fucking terrific Powerbomb. Which Cole keeps calling a spinebuster until Tazz corrects him .

Eddie pins Rey with the ladder, and forces him to watch as he climbs. Very slowly. He waves at Rey and mocks him as he edges closer to the briefcase… almost as if something was supposed to happen but didn’t… .

Now Eddie is hanging as Rey moves the ladder!!!

WHERE THE FUCK WAS VICKIE?!?! Eddie is pissed and starts punching the mat lol. She can’t say one sentence and have it make sense and she can’t show up for a spot at the right time. SHE SHOULD BE THE GM!!!

Ahhh, here she comes! Better late than never… I guess. She’s out here to stop Eddie, and even shoves him off the ladder!!! It’s not that she’s doing the right thing for Rey and Dominick… it’s that she doesn’t want another kid in the house .

Rey wins!

Match is ok, good even. But their weakest match from their 05 series outside of the awful, awful WM bout. Even if they didn’t botch a few things here and there it wouldn’t have been great imo.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Eugene Vs Kurt Angle

For some reason Christy Hemme dressed as a cheerleader is out with Eugene. Retards get all the girls .

So Eugene is in possession of Angle’s gold medal. I forget why. I don’t really care.

Eugene extends his hand for a handshake at the start of the match and Angle just runs over and decks him . Like SummerSlam last year, the fans HATE Euegen and cheer him getting fucking destroyed .

Unlike SS last year though, Angle isn’t having to resort to cheating to get the better of a retard. Instead he’s just KILLING him because he’s KURT FREAKIN’ ANGLE.

Angle destroys Eugene for a while, then Eugene comes back by using multiple finishers from guys like Rock and Austin, and very nearly actually fucking wins lol, but Angle is a MACHINE and makes Eugene tap out.

Super fun. Far better than the HHH match with Eugene last year.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

FAP FAP FAP DIVAS IN BIKINI’S WASHING A CAR AND GETTING ALL WET AND SOAPY BECAUSE FAP FAP FAP.

 

The Undertaker Vs Randy Orton

They had a classic at WM, and then Orton uhhh… got “injured” for about 30 days or something . But their feud picked right back up, and we are treated to a second PPV bout between these two .

Orton immediately puts a stop to Undertaker’s traditional start of cornering his opponent and hitting those big rights and lefts, buy simply rolling out of the ring so he can start this match off on HIS terms. And as a result he ends up getting SLAPPED in the face that looked more deadly than most guy’s punches. Still nothing on the FUNKER though!

The old HEADLOCK from Orton looks to come into play early, but Undertaker is having none of that and instead counters with a headlock of his own! Nobody, NOBODY is gonna get the better of the Dead Man!

Now Undertaker can begin to work HIS pace, slowly wearing down Orton with his typical arm work we often see from him.

Oh man, Orton basically being terrified when Undertaker drags him over into the corner for Old School is . But that FEAR allows Orton to counter VINTAGE UNDERTAKER!

Poor Orton, he keeps countering some classic Undertaker moves, but just keeps running head on into a big boot lol. Orton takes it about as well as JBL takes them… which puts him on top of the pile!

The Dead Man slows the pace down again, just taking his time to punch Orton right in the fucking face. But as cocky and arrogant as Orton is; he IS fucking talented. Undertaker makes ONE mistake, and Orton jumps on it like his life depends on it! Love the DDT in the ropes, I guess a precursor to what is now a signature move from Orton. Undertaker was sent over the ropes after missing a running knee in the corner, and as he’s trying to get back in Orton just runs over to him and smashes his head into the mat with that DDT. Beautiful. He saw an opening and he TOOK IT. And he’s gonna HAVE to do that in order to beat Undertaker here tonight.

Undertaker is hurting now, but as always he keeps fighting back no matter what. Love him punching the fuck out of Orton’s ribs while Orton is working his knee over. Man oh man, Undertaker’s selling is just tremendous even as he’s trying to go on the offence. Crazy to think that one of the best sellers in the HISTORY of the business is a guy with a ZOMBIE GIMMICK who no sells shit.

Great little sequence with Undertaker slowly building momentum, and beginning to roll out some of his signature moves… but the bad knee prevents him from gaining enough speed coming off the snake eyes, and Orton smashes right into him with a dropkick!

ORTON GOING FOR A TOMBSTONE~! But like at WM, he can’t get it! Undertaker reverses and looks to land it and end the match the same way he did at WM… but Orton manages to counter this time right into his backbreaker!!!

FLYING CROSSBODY~! UNDERTAKER ROLLS THROUGH AND LANDS A FUCKING CHOKESLAM!!!

And then the match stops as some crazy fucking fan shows up, causing enough distraction to give Orton chance to recover and catch the Dead Man with an RKO! ORTON BEATS THE UNDERTAKER!!!

Of course, the fan turns out to be none other than COWBOY BOB ORTON!!!

What a fucking terrific match. Even BETTER than their WM match. Undertaker’s selling is magnificent. Orton’s offence is focused and awesome. He’s clearly learnt from their WM match and was able to counter the Dead Man at key moments and capitalise on EVERY opportunity he could. Love it.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

 

John Cena Vs Chris Jericho – WWE Championship Match

Bah, not looking forward to this one. I’ve never liked the chemistry between these two. A while back a bunch of people were pimping their 2008 match, when Cena returns and wins the title. I watched it and thought it was pretty bad .

The wrestler vs the brawler… at least that’s what WWE are telling us it is. And to be fair, the match IS worked like that so far. Jericho is using a headlock and a suplex and wrestling CHOPS and whatnot, while Cena is tackling Jericho and throwing bombs in his face every chance he gets. But Jericho also switches things up and throws some punches of his own and seems to get the better of Cena on a few occasions so… there goes the whole “wrestler vs brawler” story right out the window .

Cena is throwing some AWFUL punches. Made even worse by the fact this is following an UNDERTAKER match, who is arguably a top 5 puncher of all time.

at the fans cheering like crazy when Cena goes for his diving shoulder tackle and ends up going face first into the mat because Jericho moved.

Crowd adds a great atmosphere to the match with a pretty damn long “lets go Jericho/lets go Cena” chant. EVen in 05 you can clearly hear that it’s the MEN chanting against Cena and the women and children chanting for Cena .

Aside from some dumb moments early on in the match, they DO stick with the “wrestler vs brawler” story, with Cena doing little more than punches and clotheslines most of the time, and Jericho out-wrestling Cena, countering shit and hitting the more flashy offence.

a “THAT WAS 3” count from the crowd following a very near fall. Aaaand then an F-U and Cena wins lol.

Match is good. Better than I remembered. Hot crowd makes the final part of the match feel really big too. Still, nothing special here whatsoever, but still likely their best match together . I’m happy.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Batista Vs JBL – No Holds Barred World Heavyweight Championship Match

Maybe the NHB stip will make this watchable. Because these 2 guys hitting each other with weapons HAS to be better than them trying to wrestle, right?

JBL was given the chance to name ANY stip he wanted for this match. And he went with NHB. Wow. For a guy as smart as JBL he really lacked creativity here. I’d have made it a “Batista instantly loses the title” match or something. But that’s just me .

They waste no time battering each other at the top of the rampway and where the electrical equipment is, and only a few minutes into the match Batista is spearing JBL through the barricade. And 20 seconds later JBL IS IN CONTROL OF THE MATCH. That be some fecking bullshit.

JBL stars whipping Batista with a belt, then decides to choke him… but puts it around his CHIN by mistake… AND BATISTA HELPS JBL OUT BY MOVING THE BELT AROUND HIS NECK .

A little bit of brawling and then…

SPINEBUSTER~! BATISTA BOMB~! And Batista DOESN’T go for the cover! Because he wants to make JBL suffer.

BATISTA BOMB ON THE STEEL STEPS~! This is over.

This was far shorter than I was expecting. Gonna look it up but I think it was under 10 minutes.

Yep, 9 minutes 5 seconds according to the wikipedia.

While I definitely agree with this getting a short amount of time… it actually felt TOO rushed lol. They brawl in the crowd a little… then JBL gains control and punches Batista in the face for a bit… and then Batista wins. Still, it didn’t suck, so it totally has that going for it lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Hulk Hogan

How awesome was the first superkick to Hogan that set this match up?

HBK should have been a heel for a LOT longer after this match. He was babyface his entire return run from 02 to 2010, except for the few weeks to build this match up because Hogan didn’t want to do face vs face. So if it was actually up to Shawn he would have NEVER been heel at all. Which is a fucking shame because heel HBK is sooo damn good.

Oh well, we at least have this one match to remember him by . For one night only, HBK returns to the COKE and is a complete and total prick!!!

Fook me that initial pop for Hogan’s theme. Love that it was the old REAL AMERICAN theme and not Voodo Chile, which I never thought was a good fit for Hogan.

Hogan is just nonstop making weird grunting noises for like the first 5 minutes of this match . It’s almost like HHH is throwing a punch .

Total Hogan show early on, with him powering HBK around, punching him in the face and… moar powering him around lol. And I mean “total Hogan show” in terms of offence. It’s a total HBK show in terms of him bumping around like a fucking goof .

HBK KEEPS BITCH SLAPPING HOGAN~!

Hogan continues to dominate until… FACE SMASH INTO THE RINGPOST~! TWICE~!

Now we have HBK targeting the head of the Hulkster, with Hogan having to use his raw power to throw HBK off him to gain some distance.

HOGAN IS BLEEDING~!

SLEEPER~!

Man, HBK’s arm is fucking COVERED in Hogan’s blood while applying the sleeper.

ELBOW DROP~! MISS~! HULK UP~!

HBK COUNTERS A BIG BOOT WITH A FLYING ELBOW~!

REF BUMP~!

Heel HBK comes out to play properly here, as he looks to go for another elbow, asks the fans if they wanna see it… then basically tells them to fuck off and applies the SHARPSHOOTER instead .

ANOTHER REF BUMP~!

LOW BLOW~!

CHAIR TO THE FACE~!

ELBOW DROP~!

THE BAND IS TUNING UP~!

SWEET~! CHIN~! MUSIC~!

HOGAN KICKS OUT AND HULKS UP AND THE FANS ARE SPLOOGING ALL OVER THEMSELVES~!

THAT BIG BOOT BUMP~!

LEG DROP~!

1..2..3!!!

Man, what a fucking blast lol. I was actually quite surprised by how LITTLE Shawn actually oversold like a prick. The match has a reputation for HBK going to extreme levels of bumping… but honestly I didn’t see him do ANYTHING like that except for the bump off the big boot right at the end of the match. And that bump was fucking hilarious and awesome anyway lol, so fuck the haters, if there are any .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 17.5

Survivor Series 2004

 

The last show of 2004 for me to watch! And yes, I saved this one for last for a reason! I just hope it holds up lol.

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Billy Kidman Vs Chavo Guerrero Vs Spike Dudley – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

so now they are claiming that Kidman PURPOSELY injured Chavo with the SSP a couple of months ago… which makes no sense given the storyline that followed with Kidman being too scared to hit the move again unless he hurt someone else.

Chavo gets double teamed by 2 men. Most fun he’s ever had.

we end up with Rey and Chavo alone in the ring, and after the injury Chavo is something of a face (as much as he can be because, well, who the fuck can like Chavo?). Both men go for a kick at the same time and you can actually hear the fans LAUGHING at them .

Mysterio hits a hurricanrana off the top rope onto Kidman who is on the APRON, and they both land on the floor. Awesome.

Chavo shows his true colours by being a dick and turning on Rey the first chance he gets.

Spike, the champion, has been a total none factor in this match so far.

Gotta love how the fans POP like fuck for Kidman when he sets Rey up for the SSP. Even though he’s a heel. And he’s been injuring people with that move . Chavo breaks it up and gets a running headbutt to the balls by Spike for his troubles .

Spike pins CHAVO to retain. Ha.

Fun opener, nothing more to say really.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

The first of many weird backstage confrontations with Heidenreich and Snitsky. Disturbing.

 

Christian Vs Shelton Benjamin – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

the first of 3 matches on this show I fucking LOVE and was looking forward to re-watching again.

Poor Christian keeps getting caught by Benjamin and out-wrestled on the mat as we start things off here. So now we have to see what Christian is going to do to counter the superior mat skills of his opponent here tonight.

SLAP~! Christian disrespects Shelton and then… PUNCH~! Shelton fucking DECKS him in the face lol. Shelton STILL has this match firmly in hand!

Christian just can’t get things together here, as Shelton continues to out-wrestle Captain Charisma at every turn, and uses his incredible athleticism to his advantage too. TOMKO on the outside ends up being the difference maker, or PROBLEM SOLVER as it were (hahahahaha I am hilarious), and the veteran Christian takes full advantage of the oppertunity .

Plenty of PEEPS in the crowd too . I wonder how many are named Tom . Get it? PEEPing Tom? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SHUT UP I’M HILARIOUS DAMMIT.

Christian begins to wear down the champ, and may or may not bend the rules a little *cough*FINGERS IN SHELTON’S EYES*cough*.

Dammit Shelton, what are you doing? He just walked right into Tomko as Tomko was randomly running towards the ring apron, and he got caught in the middle and hurt his back a little. Silly Shelton.

“YOU’RE A FLASH IN THE DAMN PAN. I’M A 3 TIME IC CHAMP YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Christian trash talking Shelton and slapping him .

Those slaps and trash talk end up firing up the young Shelton though, allowing him to begin his comeback .

awesome reverse suplex from Shelton who bounced Christian off the ropes first, basically a reverse suplex version of what Tully Blanchard used back in the day.

Fuuuck extremely close call from a reverse DDT by Christian!!!

Fuuuck another extremely close call, this time with a diving clothesline off the ropes from Shelton!!!

TOMKO BOOTS SHELTON~! Christian is gonna steal the damn title and… KICK OUT~!

fucking awesome finish to the match . Shelton wins!

Yeah this still held up as being awesome .

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Angle didn’t like Edge’s book. Magical. Eugene meets Angle and tells him he sucks. While wearing giant foam hands because… RETARD~!

 

Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak & Carlito Vs The Big Show, John Cena, Eddie Guerrero & RVD – Survivor Series Elimination Match

Cena us returning after… after he was… after JESUS AND CARLITO STABBED HIM IN THE KIDNEYS IN A BAR . Cena chases them to the back, where Carlito and Jesus steal a car from some random women and speed off. GTA: WWE?

meanwhile everyone else in the match just STOOD AROUND WAITING. Match finally starts as Cena makes his way back to the ring, making this a 4 on 3 match now.

“HERE COMES ANGLE, THE CAPTAIN OF KURT ANGLE” well done Cole.

Fuck me Tazz is confusing Jindrak and Reigns. Commentary is superb in this match…

Eddie gets isolated. Angle keeps running over and diving on Eddie to prevent a tag, which is kinda funny tbh .

Jindrak does the Rick Rude pose and I threw up a little in my mouth at seeing someone so untalented doing that.

Just after I call Jindrak untalented… he drives himself head first into the mat off a hurricanrana. Moron.

RVD gets eliminated with a botchy sneaky pin and even the commentators are confused.

Eddie runs in and rolls up Jindrak and uses the ropes to get rid of him straight afterwards.

Show chokeslams Reigns a minute or so later. LOL. Angle is left alone so… he runs away to get counted out… only to be stopped by RVD!

F-U and Frogsplash, and Show pins Angle.

Well this was… a giant load of nothing tbh lol. Eddie gets isolated and the heels are boring as fuck controlling him. Then we get a bunch of quick eliminations one after the other and the match ends. Ok.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Maven gets mauled by Snitsky. FINLAY APPEARENCE~! Highlight of the PPV .

 

The Undertaker Vs Heidenreich

the second match on this show I’m excited to watch again. Yup, I’m excited for a HEIDENREICH match. And not JUST because his opponent is Undertaker, but because this is genuinely fucking GOOD.

It’s 2004. Undertaker is facing a PAUL HEYMAN GUY. 10 years on and a PAUL HEYMAN GUY would END THE FUCKING STREAK. Crazy!

Both men have those MMA gloves on, and both men love punching each other in the face .

Referee does the old “run away in fear of Undertaker” twice .

Fuck me there are some seriously GOAT punch exchanges in this match. Right on par with the best stuff from Undertaker/Big Show in 08 . Shame Heidenreich absolutely sucked when he wasn’t facing Undertaker.

Oh shit, Undertaker with a flying clothesline off the ropes . I genuinely can’t think of a time he’s done that since like, the mid-90’s!!! Works great into the match too as it shows that Undertaker is quite literally pulling out EVERYTHING to take down Heidenreich, who just keeps coming back.

LAST RIDE~! Heidenreich has enough awareness to grab the bottom rope and break up the pin! Undertaker just can’t seem to finish this guy off!

In the end, a Chokeslam followed up with a Tombstone is enough to end the match, but fuck me it literally took EVERYTHING from Undertaker to beat him! The look on Undertaker’s face in the corner tells the story, as he looks absolutely SHOCKED that it took all of that.

Just a great MANLY FIGHT here. Both guys throw some wonderful punches, Heidenreich looks like a million *insert currency here*, and Undertaker was his typical awesome self. Awesome.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Trish Stratus Vs Lita – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Not often this happens but… A WOMEN’S MATCH I PLAN ON WATCHING!

Man, this is a fucking FIGHT. Lita is punching the shit out of Trish, then starts to absolutely batter her with a chair!!!

And the ref calls for a DQ. Dammit, I was looking forward to this . Forgot it was so short. Bah. Could have been great too probably.

Oh sweet jebus Lita continues to absolutely fucking DESTROY Trish after the bell too. Someone tell me what the blow off match for this is, and assure me that it isn’t the match where Lita gets injured in the first few minutes please because GOD I need to see it. Wait… is it the match that main events Raw? SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

JBL Vs Booker T – WWE Championship Match

I was planning on skipping this match… but I realised I vowed to watch every main title match. Dammit .

JBL wins.

Yeah, I couldn’t be fucked writing about this. It sucked.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H, Batista, Edge & Snitsky Vs Randy Orton, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho & Maven – Survivor Series Elimination Match

The winning team gets to run Raw for 1 week each! Which basically means everyone wants to face HHH for the WHC .

this is the third match I wanted to see. One of the very best Survivor Series Elimination Matches imo.

Since Maven was mauled by Snitsky earlier, it’s 4 on 3 to start things off… though unlike the SD tag earlier, Maven didn’t leave the building like a coward so he could also show up. SPOILER~!

Great sign in the crowd: “HAHA BATISTA CAN’T GET OVER”. Made even more hilarious by the fact that Batista gets HUGELY over in just a few weeks time during the Raw where OMG SPOILER Benoit runs the show.

Early going of the match sees pretty much everyone tagging in and out and getting a piece of everyone. Basic stuff, then Benoit tags in again and just fucking KILLS everyone. Not literally. He’d wait a few years for that…

DOUBLE DIVING HEADBUTT~! Benoit lands on BOTH Edge and HHH!

SHARPSHOOTER TO HHH~! Snitsky of all people breaks up the submission, even though he stated he was in this match for himself.

CROSSFACE TO EDGE~! Benoit is on a roll, but unfortunately people keep breaking up his holds.

PEDIGREE TO BENOIT~! And… Benoit is eliminated? First? Already? WTF? That sucks .

Now it’s 4 on 2… but HHH and Snitsky are having problems trying to decide who tagged in, leading to Batista and Snitsky getting in each other’s face while HHH gets caught in the Walls of Jericho and begging for someone to help him . Oh man that was an awesome little spot.

Flair prevents Jericho from hitting a Lionsault and is PISSED. He takes off his jacket and starts throwing it around before lobbing it in the face of Sign Guy who is in the front row .

Flair immediately comes running back to the ring and the referee has to physically take him away . Old Man Flair is awesome.

Speaking of awesome, fuck me at that Spinebuster from Batista. He ends up getting the WHC to the back of his head by Orton, then a kick to the head from Jericho, and he is GONE!

Batista gains some revenge though with a vicious fucking clothesline on Jericho before he leaves. I love the story that I *think* Jericho tells in his book, might have been Batista’s, how they worked everyone, including the boys, during a match that takes place before SummerSlam. Batista levelled Jericho with that clothesline and Jericho pretended to be KNOCKED OUT and the match had to be stopped. They planned it together to help put over the clothesline from Batista, and I have to say they did a great job because it always looks devastating and could easily be the finish to a match. Hell it helped HHH win the WHC back at the Elimination Chamber in 05!

So Batista is gone, but it’s still currently 3 on 2 for the heels, and they still have some MUSCLE with Snitsky.

HHH and Edge decide to double team Orton on the floor, leaving poor Jericho alone in the ring with nobody to tag until… MAVEN SHOWS UP~! He’s covered in blood but he’s fuelled by RAGE and takes the fight right to Snitsky and anyone else who gets in his way!

SNITSKY is bleeding above the eye now and fuck me the gash looks awful. He ain’t happy and decks Maven in the head with a chair and gets eliminated! He also makes sure to deck Orton and Jericho too so he’s at least helping out his team .

Maven is pinned from the chair shot, and it’s a 2 on 2 tag now, but Jericho and Orton both got hit with the steel chair too so the heels still have the advantage!

Bit of a miss-timed spot for Jericho’s elimination, as you clearly see Edge running the ropes to hit a SPEAR to Jericho, but Jericho doesn’t turn around right away . Still, a SPEAR lands and Jericho is gone!!!

2 on 1 now, with poor Orton left all alone. He got double teamed for a while AND took a chair shot from Snitsky. But he’s still a cocky bastard and tells Edge & HHH to come get some. So they do. And they beat the shit out of him . Good job, Randy!

Orton takes a beating but keeps trying to fight back. CRINGE-WORTHY spinebuster from HHH. And I mean that in the sense that ever since he tore his quad doing one in 07, I’ve noticed how awkward he lands doing most of his spinebusters and am shocked he didn’t tear anything before (with that move, anyway).

SPEAR TO HHH~! Edge makes a mistake and walks right into an RKO~! We are now down to HHH and Orton! Yey? Phew, only a few minutes of the match left!

PEDIGREE COUNTERED INTO A BEAUTIFUL RKO~! Orton wins! Orton wins! Orton wins! Once again Orton is the sole survivor at the Survivor Series!!!

Aside from Benoit being eliminated first and early… this match RULES. Eliminations aren’t all bunched together with one team dominating the other (looking at you, SD tag…), some great action, and plenty of little stories being told between different guys too. One of the elite Survivor Series Elimination Tags for sure!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 18