Month: September 2015

 

Night of Champions 2008

 

EVERY MATCH IS A CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH~!

 

John Morrison & The Miz Vs Finlay & Hornswoggle – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Seriously? Hornswoggle is Finaly’s tag partner tonight? I have no problem with Hornswoggle being with Finlay, but NOT as his fucking TAG TEAM PARTNER. He shouldn’t be in matches. Ever. Bah. Unless it’s Wee LC. Then it’s ok .

*update* Well it’s been nearly TWO MONTHS since I first started this show . And all I did was write that first sentence . Now I have some alcohol so I’m hoping to get through the show this time lol.

Finlay and a Midget competing for the tag titles against 2 full grown men who are the tag champs. Yeah, ummm, are we HONESTLY supposed to believe that Miz & Morrison have the advantage in this match? Finlay would fucking MURDER the tag champs all by himself . Hell he DOES at a few points lol.

This was actually somewhat fun. Finlay rocks so that’s that. The Hornswoggle stuff was actually really well done too. Nothing worth watching, but if someone forced you to watch it, you wouldn’t want to shoot yourself after. And for a match involving THE JIZ, that’s all you can ever hope for .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Matt Hardy Vs Chavo Guerrero – United States Championship Match

Urgh, Chabo. But Matt Hardy is also in the match. Decision, decisions. Fine, I’ll watch it. Like I said, I have ALCOHOL to get me through the show .

Chabo botches a back body drop.

THE INNOVATIVE OFFENCE OF CHAVO GUERRERO~! fuck off Foley . Or maybe it was JR. I was too busy drinking at the time .

So Mr Chabo is working over the leg and knee of Hardy, and according to Foley, Chabo knows how to do that effectively because he was brought up in the business. Yeah, because that’s the only way to learn how to work a body part…

Thankfully Hardy is an awesome seller so he keeps this match somewhat interesting.

Wanna know something I HATE? Aside from Chabo, obviously. When someone goes for a top rope move and “rolls through” because his opponent avoided it. Which actually means they don’t even ATTEMPT the ACTUAL FUCKING MOVE, then just do a fucking roll off the ropes and it looks downright RETARDED. Even the great Eddie Guerrero would do it from time to time too. It just looks worse when Chabo does it .

Hardy struggles to adjust to only having one leg in this match (because the other is hurting, he hasn’t turned into Zach Gowen all of a sudden. I’m not THAT drunk… yet), and keeps TRYING to his his usual high flying offence but either had to make adjustments mid move that aren’t as effective as he’d like, or Chabo counters by going to the leg. Good stuff .

Chabo goes for the Three Amigos aka LOOK AT ME I’M RELATED TO EDDIE, but Hardy counters the third one into a Twist of Fate and covers for the win!!!

Fine match, and Chabo hate aside, you really could have replaced him with ANYONE ELSE doing basic leg work and have Hardy sell and shit, because he was the driving force here.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

they replay a segment from Raw… and it’s the bit when Vince gets killed by the stage during that Million Dollar give away thing . What was that shit even all about, anyway? Did anything get… solved?

 

Mark Henry Vs Kane Vs The Big Show – ECW Championship Match

BATTLING BEEFIES .

Ok, was too busy ENJOYING THE FUCK out of this to bother typing shit lol. SO much fun. 3 BEEFIE BASTARDS BATTLING for the ECW Title. What’s NOT to love? Beating the ever loving shit out of each other, and doing things that you wouldn’t expect guys of this size to be capable of. It rocks all kinds of shit.

And to top it all off… HENRY wins the title . MOTN. I don’t care what else is on the show. I doubt it’ll beat THIS.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Batista interview. EVE TORRES . I miss Eve. She was awesome as the evil corporate sellout.

 

Cena shows up. Then Punk shows up and says he hopes both guys win the titles tonight and bring them back to raw cos his briefcase is getting heavy.

 

Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly Vs Ted DiBiase & ??? – World Tag Team Championship Match

Lillian looking HOT as per usual .

DiBiase has a mystery tag partner… but nobody knows who it is!!!

Match starts, and Cody DDT’s Holly straight away . Million Dollar Dream into a… neckbreaker and DiBiase & Rhodes win the titles!!!

Anyone else kinda wonder what things would have been like had Holly turned on Rhodes to team with DiBiase?

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chris Jericho Vs Kofi Kingston – WWE Intercontinental Championship

Kofi is Jericho’s surprise opponent . What a let down .

“Controlled Frenzy” needs to be removed from existence.

So, this was a match.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Mickie James Vs Katie Lea Burchill – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Nah, I’ll pass.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Thanks to the draft (I… think), both major titles are now on Smackdown, so Batista is here to try and bring the WHC back with him to Raw. If he loses, he doesn’t get another shot at Edge. Man, feels like I’ve written that for every match these two have had together .

BATISTA IS A POUNDER~! Just ask Melina .

So Batista throws Edge around for a while until Edge smashes Batista’s shoulder into the ring post and blah blah blah. God I’m so sick of seeing these guys wrestle. They had like a billion matches in 07 and now they’re back at it in 08.

NECK BREAKER. THAT’S A WRESTLING MANOEUVRE~! Huh, seems JR gave up when he got drafted to SD as a surprise .

Fuck me this is just awful. But I guess it gives us a new drinking game. Take a shot every time someone takes a bump into the turnbuckle.

Batista is about to win, so Vickie and the Edge Heads show up and start screwing around breaking up pins and knocking out the referee. Vickie demands a new ref come down and… it’s Chabo. Wanna make an Edge Vs Batista match WORSE? Add Chabo to it!!!

Edge wins. I lose.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match

Well, Batista failed, so it’s up to SUPER CENA to bring home a title to Raw.

Haven’t seen this match since it aired. Haven’t really cared to go out of my way to see it again tbh lol. Which is a little odd as I’ve always liked their WM 22 match, and most people do say this is the better match between them.

Shades of WM 22 early on with HHH “out-wrestling” Cena and then telling him to SUCK IT. Ahhh, remember WM 22 with both HBK and HHH referencing DX in their matches, teasing a potential reunion? What a fun time. And then they DID reunite. What a shitty time.

Cena SALUTES HHH AS RETALIATION FOR THE CROTCH CHOP EARLIER . I… I don’t think that’s EVER an insult John… well, maybe when you do it as shitty as you do. Learn to fucking salute you pleb!

This match is about half way in now and it’s been very back and forthy. HHH will control, then Cena will control, then HHH will control, and all the while I just don’t care. Fuck me, Cena goes for his 5 MOVES OF DOOM at one point and oh boy, it might be the single worst execution of the whole thing EVER. Cena’s offence looks awful. More so than usual. And HHH sells it like he’s the worst wrestler ever. Sure he’s not usually a great wrestler, but I wouldn’t call him the worst ever. Anyway, it all looked like shit from both guys.

Huh, HHH’s leg is hurt. I must have dozed off cos buggered if I know how he hurt it .

Cena doing leg work. This is fun. Wanna know what else is just as fun? Eye stabbing.

Pedigree.

Punch exchange.

Yey Boo crowd thing.

STFU.

Crossface.

Bite.

My.

Shiny.

Daffodil.

Ass.

Pedigree.

This is mercifully over.

And people think this is better than their WM match? Are they all high? Or stupid? Or stupid and high?

This is dull and shitty.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4.5

 

One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2008

 

Just like Vengeance Night of Champions from 07, this PPV gets TWO names! Why? Because WHY NOT?

 

Jeff Hardy Vs Umaga – Falls Count Anywhere Match

I wonder if this is the match I seem to think it is. If it is, it has the dumbest finish ever, and a bunch of shit before it .

Umaga? SMASH!

Well, the seem to be battling away from the ring… which makes it likely to be the match I remember.

Jeff Hardy threw a fucking plastic traffic cone at Umaga, and Umaga just fires back with a kick to the face, because who the fuck would get hurt by that?

Oh god here it comes… Jeff slides down the stair rail and clotheslines Umaga. Just… no.

They spend some time throwing each other into walls and onto tables and it all looks like shit. It’s basically them slapping objects with their hands as they pretend to hit their head on shit.

Outside now, and yeah, it most definitely IS the match I was expecting.

That was the finish. And we are supposed to believe that Umaga fell on concrete and Hardy dove off onto him.

Hate everything about this.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

CM Punk Vs John Morrison Vs Chavo Guerrero Vs Tommy Dreamer Vs The Big Show – Spingapore Cane Match

YES! I forgot this match was on THIS show. If I don’t find it fun any more, then I truly do have no soul.

BIG SHOW VS THE WORLD . And the world is losing!!! Big Show totally rules in this kind of environment.

Everyone kicking the shit out of Big Show . In punk and Morrison’s case, it was quite literally KICKING .

With Big Show… kinda down, everyone else climbs the ropes and grabs a cane! 4 on 1 cane action!!!

Chabo decks… some sports dude in the crowd with a cane . Punk hands him a cane and lets him get some revenge on Chabo!!! I don’t know who the fuck that guy is, but he’s the most awesome sports guy ever for beating up Chabo! Well, not quite as awesome as Ricky Hatton when he knocked out Chabo at a Raw taping I went to .

The Jiz shows up to save Morrison from getting murdered by Show, and gets taken out . Show picks up the steel steps… but ends up going head first into them instead!

Everyone in the ring is trying to kill everyone else with a cane . My god this is so fucking fun. Even though I don’t like most of the guys in the match! Let’s face it, if you can’t have a fun match by hitting people with a stick then you suck at pro-wrestling.

FUCK ME Big Show has a HUGE gash in his head. I seem to remember that he legitimately fucked himself up on that steel steps spot. But it makes for great TV (or rather, PPV) so .

The giant is bleeding, and that’s BAD NEWS for everyone else cos he’s angry as fuck .

Bam Neely, that nobody who was with Chabo for a while, gets decked first. Jiz next. Then Morrison .

SPANKING CM PUNK LIKE A SCHOOL BOY~! I don’t even wanna ask where that came from, Adamle…

EVERYONE IS DEAD~! Big Show is awesome.

Dreamer gets chokeslammed, then Show helps him to his feet again and applauds… then grabs a cane, smiles, and cracks Tommy in the head . The Big Show doesn’t just win this match, he DOMINATES it .

Better than every original ECW match ever.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

JBL Vs John Cena – First Blood Match

Huh, totally don’t remember this match ever existing. I remember their I Quit match in 05, and their parking lot brawl from the 08 GAB… but this? No idea.

Match starts with both men exposing… a turnbuckle .

First blood matches are kinda dumb really, aren’t they? Like, in real life, a couple of punches to the face at most and the other guy is gonna be busted wide open .

what the fuck??!

JBL is concentrating on Cena’s head, which is pretty much what everyone does in these types of matches. Nice punches from John, and love his BIG BOOT .

Watching JBL hit Cena in the head can only be fun for so long before it gets… boring. Then Cena makes a small comeback and tries… an F-U. Because THAT will bust Cena open… fecking moron.

Fuck me. Cena gets the chance to take a break and get a weapon to aid him… and what does he get? Steel chair? Metal pipe? NOPE. A fucking microphone. Dumbshit.

EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE~! Aaaand it fails to bust Cena open. Ah well. What a waste of time.

JBL goes for a Clothesline from Hell. THAT ISN’T GOING TO WIN YOU THE MATCH YOU BLEB.

Now, a steel chain wrapped in his towel that he brings to the ring? That’ll work! Though why hide it? Why wait until now to use it?

F-U~! And somehow JBL ISN’T BLEEDING. I’m shocked. And I know all of you are too.

now JBL has a fucking BULL WHIP . And instead of using it, what does JBL do? Walks over to Cena and gets close enough to be kneed in the balls.

STFU WITH THE CHAIN~! Referee rings the bell and at first I thought he got confused but apparently JBL is bleeding from the mouth.

I think I need to be hit in the head with a metal object so I forget this match.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Batista and Orton are backstage talking. Orton is trying to convince Batista to join him should they both get drafted to the same show in a few weeks. Batista just walks off .

 

Beth Phoenix Vs Melina – I Quit Match

A diva I Quit match? Huh. I think I’ll give this one a go, see what it’s like.

one of Melina’s paparazzi falls over .

Beth gets in Melina’s face at the start to try and intimidate her, so Melina shoves her away and locks in a guillotine choke submission! She ain’t going down easy (this time, anyway )!!!

Beth powers the fuck out of the submission though and now she’s starting to work over Melina .

Melina keeps fighting back and locks in an awesome submission that I can’t remember the name of . Beth just looks fucking ANGRY and drags them both to the ropes to break the hold .

ASK HER~!

the referee asking Beth to KEEP IT CLEAN. In a fucking I QUIT MATCH .

THE ARM HAS BEEN BARRED~!

Damn, Beth is fucking insane. Mauling Melina here, and it rules .

MELINA KICKS BETH IN THE ARSE AND SENDS HER SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RING POST~!

Arm work by Melina!

Beth keeps trying to power out, but Melina turns it into a cross arm breaker instead!!!

And it ends up getting reversed into a RUNNING POWERBOMB . Beth is a fucking POWERHOUSE. And Melina is great at taking these bumps and making everything look BRUTAL.

GLAM SLAM~! I think? And from there she grabs her head and bends Melina BACKWARDS . Melina tries to hold on, but ends up HAVING to quit.

Man, what a match!!! Might actually be one of the best I Quit matches in the company’s history.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

MICKIE JAMES~! Bah, it’s that stupid Cena love story thing they tried lol. ADAMLE~! He burst out of the bathroom and ruins the private time for Cena and Mickie .

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Batista – Stretcher Match

Shawn retired Flair at WM. Batista was pissed off. They had a match. HBK faked an injury to win. Batista was more pissed off. So now they are having a stretcher match.

Right from the start, Batista uses his POWAH to take control of HBK. I like how the first thing he does on the outside is remove the padding from the stretcher. He HATES Shawn Michaels right now, so he doesn’t want any padding to save HBK from some PAIN .

Fuck me, less than 5 minutes into the match and HBK is pissing me off . He manages to get Batista down, then spends a stupid amount of time playing with the steel steps… only to sit Batista on one part of them in the end so he can RAM THE STETCHER INTO HIM. Oh and he put the padding back on before he did it .

Second straight match to feature the guillotine choke submission . At least THAT was a smart move from Shawn; make Batista pass out and then wheel him over the line.

SPINEBUSTER ON THE APRON . Sure, Kevin Owen’s apron Powerbomb looks better and more brutal, but the SPINEBUSTER was still awesome.

Wow, who is that referee? I can’t remember his name, but damn, he is looking FAT here lol.

Shawn is setting up Sweet Chin Music, but pretty much just RUNS at Batista, so it was obvious as fuck it was getting countered .

Batista attempts a Batista Bomb over the ropes, but Shawn escapes, hits the superkick, and THE ANIMAL falls out of the ring right onto the stretcher!!!

HBK tries his best to take advantage of the superkick, but try as he might, Batista is too ANGRY AND POWERFUL.

BATISTA BOMB~!

Batista places HBK on the stretcher, but CHRIS JERICHO shows up to try and MOTIVATE the Heart Break Kid! Shawn gets off the stretcher!!! This match is continuing!!!

HBK tries a Super Kick but he’s too fucked to do any damage. Pretty awesome moment to be honest.

I DON’T LOVE YOU, AND I’M NOT SORRY .

BATISTA BOMB PART II~!

Shawn is DONE, but again Jericho shows up to “motivate” his “friend” to try and continue the match!!! SPINEBUSTER ON THE STEEL STEPS~! This time is IS over!!!

Ya know what, I really liked this. I don’t remember my thoughts on the match before, but I have a feeling I probably didn’t think much of it on last watch. But this time I loved it. Batista was getting revenge for his friend Flair being retired at WM and revenge for himself for being screwed in the previous match against Shawn. He fucking KILLS Shawn. The Jericho stuff was good too, setting up their big feud.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Triple H Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match

These two men seem to love having LMS matches against each other. And they tend to turn out well too, which is surprising considering how much they tend to SUCK in matches against each other.

This match though? Well… ummmm… just wait and see .

Orton gets thrown into the steel steps about 10 seconds into the match and looks to have hurt is shoulder. Probably just Orton selling it really well .

SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE STEEL POST~!

SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE STEEL POST AGAIN~!

Damn, HHH looks like he genuinely wants to injure Orton’s shoulder in this match .

Orton mounts some offence, then goes for an RKO on the floor… but HHH counters by pushing him shoulder first into the ring post!!! That poor shoulder of Orton. If HHH isn’t careful he’s gonna fuck it up for real .

RKO~! NO! TRIPLE H COUNTERED AND SENT ORTON TO THE OUTSIDE~! ORTON LANDS ON HIS SHOULDER~! Aaaand breaks his collar bone . I know it’s not “funny” but fuck me, HHH was out to destroy that shoulder the entire match, and accidentally does it for real .

SLEDGEHAMMER~! Orton is dead. Match is over.

Well, it’s a shame the injury had to happen and they had to improvise a finish, because before the injury this was fecking GREAT. I mean really fucking great. HHH was out to kill Orton and everything he did looked nasty and awesome. Orton sold well, and everything he did looked great too. I also like that for a LMS match, the first count came from a DDT ON THE FLOOR and not a shitty scoop slam or some bullshit that everyone knows would never end the match unless it was a scoop slam off a fucking building through 10 tables. So yeah, real shame it had to end like it did because another 10 minutes of this and it could have easily topped their No Mercy 07 match.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

The Undertaker Vs Edge – World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match

If The Undertaker loses, he will be BANISHED FROM THE WWE~! So, no way he’s losing, right?

*sigh*

This match, man. This match. Never liked it. Even watching it live I was able to call the spots before they happened. When a match is THAT obvious then something is wrong lol.

Undertaker setting up a bunch of tables together piled on top of each other. Bet we won’t see that come back to haunt him later on in the match . Seriously, what is the logic, kayfabe wise, behind stacking tables up?

Ok, so TWO ladders are in the ring. Set up flat on opposite turnbuckles. Instead of like, USING ONE OF THEM… Undertaker goes outside for a THIRD LADDER to set up and climb in an attempt to win the fucking match. BUT ITS OK COS THE OTHER LADDERS WAS USEDED IN TEH SPOTZ~! Fuck right off.

Undertaker has a look on his face just after that like “why the fuck did I agree to this match?” . Kinda wish Undertaker was only involved in the ONE ladder match. Would be much better for his legacy to have one awesome ladder match in his 30+ year career rather than one awesome ladder match and this utter shite TLC bollacks.

Edge just hit Undertaker with a SPEAR. His FINISHER. In the middle of the ring. Right next to a ladder that is set up. So what does Edge do? PUSHES THE LADDER OVER. If hitting your finisher isn’t a good time to climb a ladder that is ALREADY SET UP then I don’t know what is.

Edge’s jobber friends show up to help out when Edge gets Chokeslammed on a ladder. At least SIX tables are already set up outside. So what do they do? Get TWO MORE from under the ring. I swear this match was designed for no other reason than to annoy me.

Ahh, well at least we know why ONE of the tables wasn’t brought into the ring… Undertaker had to chokeslam someone through it!

Wow and another of those tables gets used up too! Phew, good job the jobber guys didn’t grab those instead, huh? Would have COMPLETELY ruined the SPOTZ~!

While Undertaker is dealing with those jobbers, Edge takes this opportunity to… set up 2 stacked tables… right next to the ladder he climbs up afterwards. OMG WHAT A SURPRISE UNDERTAKER GIVES HIM A LAST RIDE OFF THE LADDER THROUGH THE STACKED TABLES!!! FUCK. OFF. NOW.

More Edge jobber friends show up. Unsure how Undertaker is gonna deal with them because there are no more tables set up… except for those 4 stacked up but I have a feeling those are for later .

Undertaker takes care of the other jobbers… then climbs a ladder that isn’t exactly under the belt. In fact, it’s a little too close to the ropes… near those stacked tables. Hmmm… I wonder…

Oh, Edge knocks Undertaker off the ladder and through the stacked tables and wins the belt and Undertaker has to leave the WWE until SummerSlam.

My least favourite Undertaker match ever. Or at least it’s tied with the HIAC against Bossman in 1999.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 13

 

The Great American Bash 2008

 

JBL is poopy.

 

John Morrison & The Miz Vs Curt Hawkins & Zack Rider Vs Jesse & Festus Vs Finlay & Hornswoggle – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Seriously? Finlay teaming with the midget? He’d have been better going into this alone…

FESTUS VS HORNSWOGGLE stare down at the start. Bah, Hornswoggle just dives on Jiz and Morrison and we don’t get the epic showdown .

Ah well, Festus beating the shit out of Jiz. That’s fun .

Lol, Finlay tags himself in via Festus and gets booted in the fucking FACE .

Foley is just ripping Jiz to shreds on commentary .

I watched Foley’s live show thingy on the Dub Dub Eee Network a couple of weeks back. Was kinda shitty outside of JIZ JOKES. No, not actual Jiz, but Miz as Jiz.

oh man, Finlay takes down Jiz and starts punching him in the face and Foley starts marking the fuck out .

Finlay fucking ROCKS here. He literally is wrestling the match as a handicap match, and so far he’s been dominated by Jix and Morrison and now Hawkins and Ryder, but he just keeps firing back with shots to the face and even gets a couple of big moves in too! He’s just a scrappy Irish Bastard who won’t give up!!!

HOT TAG TO HORNSWOGGLE~! And then Jesse tags himself in and gets booed to fuck .

Hawkins takes a cheap shot and punches Hornswoggle off the apron .

FESTUS HOT TAG . He’s owning EVERYONE . Clears the ring, tags in Jesse for a big top rope move, but Festus ends up being pulled under the ring and Jess knocked off the ropes, and Hawkins & Ryder end up becoming the new tag team champions!!!

All right, good start to the show! Fun match, with a great FIP from Finlay, and some awesome FIRE from Festus, and fun moments with Hornswoggle. Mainly him getting punched in the face .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Matt Hardy Vs Shelton Benjamin – United States Championship Match

Hmmm… this actually could be good. Hardy rocks, and Shelton has been capable of great matches here and there.

fans are fucking SUPER into this. A nice lengthy “let’s go Hardy, let’s go Shelton” chant . Shelton is doing rather good at being a vicious cunt early on too. That probably helps the fans get behind Hardy as much as they are atm.

Shelton tries to work over Hardy’s back, but Hardy is still able to make a big comeback until he gets caught flying off the top rope right into a fucking CORNER POWERBOMB .

Nice job by Shelton to continue to go after the back every time Hardy gains a little momentum.

Moonsault from Hardy but Shelton puts his knee up and Hardy goes EYE FIRST into the knee . PAY DIRT~! NEW US CHAMP!!!

Good mid-card title match… though the back work did end up being useless as it took a knee to the eye and Pay Dirt to end it .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Mark Henry Vs Tommy Dreamer – ECW Championship Match

IT’S HENRY TIME!!!

LOL Colin Delany. Remember him? Hopefully you don’t .

HENRY TRASH TALKING FOR THE MOMENT THE BELL RINGS .

Henry is murdering Dreamer and the fans are chanting boring. They all deserve to be SHOT IN THE BALLS OR VAGINA.

Colin turns on Dreamer .

I enjoyed this a ton tbh. It was Henry just throwing Dreamer around and making him look like a weak, pathetic nobody . Turn at the end wasn’t needed because Henry was never in any real trouble lol.

Henry just STANDING on Dreamer and walking over him after he’s won is awesome. God, Henry is so fucking great.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho

Hmmm… hmmmmm hmmmm hmmmmm…

Honestly don’t remember the last time I saw this. Might have been the one time back in 08 when it happened. Either way, I don’t remember much outside of blood. Depending on who I talk to, I get a different opinion on this one. Either it’s fantastic with great story telling, or it’s utter shite with crappy story telling .

Shawn VERY SLOWLY tries to beat up Jericho. And by slowly I mean he spends like 30 seconds in between each punch .

Springboard dropkick and Shawn is out of this match it seems. He has bad ribs from… I don’t remember, and his eye is fucked too.

Oh look, a shitty submission hold by Jericho. How… pointless. What is Jericho’s purpose in this match?

Now Jericho is doing the “punch, wait 30 seconds, punch again” bit. Thing is, both men are throwing some good shots in this match… but doing it so damn slowly that it ends up looking like shit.

Fuck me, both guys just look so…. uncoordinated here. They’ve shown on occasion that they DO have good chemistry, but at the same time they just don’t click in a lot of their matches too. This is one of those matches.

Lance Cade shows up and immediately gets dropped. HBK does a super moonsault from the top rope to the floor and… ends up going in between both Cade and Jericho . Nice catch, guys. I thought HBK was the one with the injured eye in this match?

HBK is bleeding and not even the commentators know how/when it happened .

Jericho sees the blood and his reaction is so… CAMP .

A WILD ELBOW APPEARED~! Turns out that’s how HBK got busted open.

The referee keeps checking on Shawn, while Jericho and Cade work over the bad eye.

This continues for waaaay too long. Shawn tells the referee not to end the match. Jericho kicks him in the face a few more times… rinse and repeat.

Eventually the referee decides to stop the match. Yawn. I stopped caring by then.

Match is a mess.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Edge shows off the worst acting ever during an interview. And yet, he’s now an actor. He’s on some show my mum watches. Haven I think? Yeah that’s it.

 

Michelle McCool Vs Natalya – WWE Divas Championship Match

Remember when Natalya was more chunky and had ginger hair? Me either . Didn’t even recognise her lol.

So, this is to determine the FIRST EVER DIVAS CHAMPION.

SKIP~! .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

CM Punk Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Actually wasn’t that long ago I watched this match. Hadn’t seen it since it aired, and I can’t remember what we were discussing on the wrestling forum at the time, but I ended up being super interested in seeing this match lol.

Punk’s title reign… poor guy. They just kinda threw the belt on him and hoped that somehow he’d do well without decent opponents, booking, and being completely overshadowed by the likes of the HBK/Jericho feud and anything involving Cena.

Batista just countered a school boy pin WITH HIS ARSE.

Punk often gets laughed at for his worked kicks, but damn, he throws some great ones early on here. Helps that Batista just LET’S HIM connect .

Some decent back work from Batista, while Punk keeps trying to stay in the match by using quick kicks and high flying moves to ground the bigger, stronger opponent.

Big probs to Batista here too for selling really well. He takes those kicks to the head nicely and sells exhaustion from them real well too. While he does technically dominate a lot of this match, he still ends up making Punk look great on a number of occasions.

CM PUNK WITH AN ARMBAR USING THE ROPES~! Maybe he should do MMA with submission skills like that .

SPINEBUSTER ON THE FLOOR~!

And… then Kane shows up and attacks everyone. Because stuff.

Shame the finish was what it was, because if it wasn’t what it was and was something else instead, then it could have been a much better match overall .

Still, they did a great job before the finish.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 3

 

John Cena Vs JBL – Parking Lot Brawl

*sigh* the build up to this match. JBL is Poopy. Spray painted on the limo.

JBL.

IS.

POOPY.

At least JBL tries to legitimately kill Cena for it .

I like how JBL shows up to this match IN HIS SUIT . And then of course Cena shows up in his wrestling attire because I don’t think he owns any other clothes tbh.

Cena the cowardly superhero hides from JBL and tries to run HIM over. Way to turn the other cheek, John! What a good guy he is .

Cena electrocuting JBL’s balls ala Kane and Shane from 2003 .

Cena is fucking intent on murdering JBL for real here. He just threw a gas bottle or something as hard as he could at the man! Luckily JBL moved and the only thing that got destroyed was a CAR .

JBL fighting back . Threw Cena into a car door and it came off the hinges .

I wish WWE did other superstar t-shirts in the same design as the Cena one he’s wearing right now. It’s that Retro NES style one, and would look awesome without Cena on it .

DDT ON THE TOP OF A CAR~!

Cena kicks out at 2 .

CENA’S HEAD THROUGH A WINDOW~!

And now for some reason, JBL has thrown Cena into the back of a car and shut the door. OMG HE’S GONNA SET HIM ON FIRE~!

at the limo driver backing the fuck away in the limo after JBL gets the gas can . He ain’t staying around for that shit!!!

BAH GAWD MAN, DON’T DO IT. THERE’S A MAN INSIDE THAT CAR! HE HAS A FAMILY… OR NOT. WHATEVER.

THE CAR IS ON FIRE~! JOHN CENA IS BURNING ALIVE INSIDE THAT CA… awwww man, referee’s show up with fire extinguishers .

CENA NO SELLS FIRE .

And now Cena locks JBL in a car… YEY FORKLIFT TRUCK RIDE~!

I like how Cena just kinda KNOWS how to operate a fork lift truck. At least when Bryan used it on Kane that one time the commentators kept telling us that Bryan used to work in a warehouse so it made sense at least .

In fact, come to think of it, a LOT of wrestlers can drive fork lift trucks. And monster trucks. And cement trucks. Anything really.

Cena tries to set JBL up for an F-U off the stage onto a car… and JBL counters by launching CENA off the stage and right through the windscreen!

HOLY SHIT JBL WINS!!!

Man oh man, this is INSANE. It’s stupid, it’s hilarious, and it’s AWESOME AS FUCK. Had a blast with this one .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Triple H Vs Edge – WWE Championship Match

I’m confused… the build up video package thing seems to be making it out like we’re getting Edge Vs Vickie after Edge kissed Alicia Fox before marrying Vickie . HHH is just the guy that showed the video .

Oh hey, Eve . I miss Eve. She was HOT. Had a couple of good matches too!

I remember absolutely NOTHING about this match, other than I’m guessing HHH retains the belt at the end lol. This is the first, and I still think the only singles PPV match between these two men, right? Don’t recall them having many single matches at ALL, even on TV. Just a couple in 04/05 on Raw, and probably another sometime on SD around this time no doubt.

My god this is dull. They are just… going back and forth doing shit. Nothing interesting, no story… nothing. It’s like watching a CPU Vs CPU match on a WWE game.

Alicia Fox shows up towards the end of the match to try and help Edge until Vickie shows up and decks her .

Vickie looks to deck Edge with the WWE title, but ends up in a cat fight with Alicia… and gets SPEARED by Edge .

Oh look, a Pedigree. HHH retains.

What a giant load of fuck all.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12

 

Unforgiven 2008

 

SCRAMBLE MATCHES!!! I really liked the concept back in the day, so I’m hoping I still do on a re-watch all these years later .

 

Matt Hardy Vs The Miz Vs Chavo Guerrero Jr Vs Mark Henry Vs Finlay – ECW Championship Scramble Match

5 guys in the match, 2 start off, every 5 minutes someone else enters. 20 minute time limit. Kinda like capture the flag in that whoever has the “ECW title” at the end is the winner and champion. None of the wins here count as title wins unless someone new ends up with the belt at the end. Understand? Good .

HENRY is the champion, and luckily for him he isn’t one of the 2 men starting off the match… but unlucky for me cos I wanna see Henry murder people for 20 minutes . Instead we’re stuck with the Jiz. Matt Hardy too though .

These two go back and forth, and meh, Jiz just doesn’t make me interested in anything that’s happening. He hits his finisher, and Hardy rolls to the floor and Jiz just screams “noooooo” like a baby.

Oh god Chabo is out next. He shows up, hits a Frog Splash on Hardy and is the “current champion” . Remember when they did this type of match for the Hardcore championship, and every reign ACTUALLY COUNTED?

SIDE EFFECT~! HARDY PINS CHABO~! HE’S THE CURRENT CHAMPION SORT OF KIND OF NOT REALLY BUT COULD BE IF HE DOESN’T GET PINNED ANY TIME SOON. DOES HE HAVE TO BE PINNED? I DON’T THINK HE DOES, RIGHT? RIGHT.

Fuck yes, FINALLY. Henry is coming to fuck shit up . Everyone in the ring decides to stick together to take out Henry. Because if they don’t, he’ll KILL EM.

Lol, Henry KILLS EM anyway .

Before HALL OF PAIN Henry, there was ECW HENRY. And it was just as fucking awesome. WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM TO CHABO~! HENRY “REGAINS” HIS TITLE FOR THE TIME BEING!!!

Ahhh, is there any sweeter sound in the world than Chabo screaming in pain while Henry has him in a bear hug?

FINLAY . FINLAY AND HENRY BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER .

HENRY CHASING A MIDGET . Second only to Undertaker’s dealings with Hornsoggle .

FINLAY PINS HARDY TO BECOME THE “CURRENT” CHAMPION!!! 3 and a half minutes left!!!

HARDY PINS JIZ~!

3 minutes left, and HENRY is back into the match looking to take his championship back! Boy, I would not want to be one of the other guys in the match!!!

The last minute and a half really does live up to the SCRAMBLE name as everyone is moving around hitting finishers and breaking up pins as they all desperately try to either win the belt or retain it .

The time runs out and MATT HARDY wins the ECW Championship!!!

Well, I’m a little disappointed in this tbh. I remember liking it a lot more, but the match was kinda dull before Henry and Finlay showed up. That’s what happens when you have JIZ AND CHABO in the match longer than talented wrestlers . But once Finlay and Henry showed up, it got FUN AS FUCK.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Cryme Tyme Vs Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase – World Tag Team Championship Match

Hmmm… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho – Non Sanctioned Match

Jericho socked Shawn’s wife RIGHT IN THE KISSER. So this match is happening. But not really because it ISN’T SANCTIONED.

Oh boy. I don’t think I’m ready for this. Their entire 08 series tends to get a LOT of love, but I’ve never liked the majority of it. This match included.

Well this starts off fun, so that’s good at least . Shawn is full of HATE~! and beats the shit out of Jericho with his boot and while on the outside at one point, absolutely DECKS Jericho in the face in what is probably the single greatest punch HBK has ever thrown.

Oh boy, it’s already started to go downhill . Right, so these two men HATE each other. I like HBK using his boot as a weapon. HBK going for a chair is good too. But really, if you are out to murder someone, WHY WOULD YOU GO UNDER THE RING, GET A TABLE AND SET IT UP? That was Jericho that did that btw, not HBK. HBK hasn’t gone retarded in this match… yet. There is still time .

Aaaaand the table doesn’t even get used. So it’s just sat there, waiting for later no doubt.

Urgh, they already did a TEASE GOING THROUGH THE TABLE spot. JUST PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE FACE YOU FUCKS.

Wait, nevermind. HBK sucks at punching people in the face…

HBK choking the life out of Jericho… just to put him down for an elbow drop. FFS.

Then he goes for Sweet Chin Music and… decides not to connect. WHY? The commentators say it’s because it’s not “good enough” to end this thing and that Shawn isn’t done. HE DIDN’T HAVE TO FUCKING PIN HIM AFTERWARDS. Fuck me, what a god damn moron. SEE, I KNEW HBK WOULD GO ALL RETARDED.

CROSSFACE~!

HBK just went eye fist into the steel chair. REMEMBER THE EYE, KING! Fairly certain Lawler is familiar with injured eyes .

Non sanctioned match and Jericho is letting the referee stop him from ripping out Shawn’s eye. The referee should literally be there to ring the bell and nothing more.

Oh, NOW Jericho decides to tell the referee to fuck off… not when he’s ripping Shawn’s eye out, but when he’s using the Walls of Jericho.

Lance Cade shows up. Why on earth didn’t he show up at the START of the match? IT’S NON FUCKING SANCTIONED YOU TITS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?!?! come on ref, isn’t it obvious?

Well, the table finally gets used. Yawn. Cade takes on hell of a shot to the head with Sweet Chin Music though. Looked like it might have actually connected.

Finally some more HATE~! with HBK repeatedly smashing the chair down on Jericho. Aaaaand then he decides to do another table spot. GOD. DAMN. IT.

Oh fuck me it gets even more stupid. Shawn sets up LANCE on the table instead of Jericho. Until he sees Jericho moving around and remembers that he hates JERICHO and not so much Cade.

Elbow through the table and… HBK starts crying? Ok…

BELT WHIPPING~! That might have been nice nearer the beginning of the match… but when a few minutes earlier he was essentially whipping Jericho with a STEEL CHAIR… it just doesn’t have the same kind of impact tbh. This match is arse backwards.

The referee rings the bell because… Shawn is punching Jericho in the head too much. HBK wins. Ummm… what?

This match had potential. Really, it did. They DID do some good shit. But they nulified EVERYTHING good by doing double the amount of stupid shit. Seriously, how hard is it to have a HATE~! filled brawl?

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Jeff Hardy Vs Shelton Benjamin Vs The Brian Kendrick Vs MVP Vs Triple H – WWE Championship Scramble Match

Yey another scramble!!!

at the deafening silence for Shelton’s entrance .

CORNER POWERBOMB . Love that move. Glad Rollins uses it these days cos it wasn’t getting done like… at all for a while.

a double clothesline, but Hardy seems to ignore the fact he got hit too .

Woo, things about to pick up because THE Brian Kendrick is in da house!!!

Kendrick got SWAG. Wish him and Big Zeke were together for longer and did more. Was like a mini version of HBK & Diesel lol.

Twist of Fate and Hardy is the “current” champion. Booooo.

Kendrick lays around in the floor for a while and lets Shelton and Hardy go at it, and they do some fun stuff, especially the HUGE Pay Dirt from Shelton.

OMG KENDRICK IS BACK. SLICED BREAD #2. BRIAN KENDRICK IS THE CURRENT WWE CHAMPION!!! THE BRIAN KENDRICK!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!

MVP is next out and urgh. Just urgh. Fuck off MVP.

THE Brian Kendrick makes me love him even more when he blindsides MVP with a leg lariat to the fucking FACE while MVP is running for a Drive By kick .

Kendrick is on FIRE here, and the fans are really behind him at times too. He’s the champ atm and he’s doing everything in his power to make sure nobody else sneaks in a pin .

HHH is out last, and he has 5 minutes to win back his title from THE Brian Kendrick .

*sigh* in less than a minute, HHH takes everyone out and pins Kendrick. Way to go, Hunter…

TWIST OF FATE TO MVP~! And Hardy is once again the current champ. Booooo.

at the botched counter to Sliced Bread #2. Well done guys.

Oh ffs. HHH pins Kendrick AGAIN.

Then Hardy pins Kendrick while HHH is resting in the corner thinking he’s got this won . Not so much “Booooo” for that because it was hilarious.

15 second left… and HHH pins MVP. Hardy was inches away from HHH. Why didn’t he break it up? BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO PIN BENJAMIN. EVEN THOUGH HE WAS THE CHAMPION ALREADY. Fucking moron.

Well, this was better than I remembered it. More fun stuff from a SCRAMBLE match. No classics from the stipulation, but certainly fun!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Hey look, its CM Punk!!! He’s the WHC. Got a scramble match later in the night. Or not. He gets mauled by Legacy and his title is forfeited for no reason and he waits like 5 years to get revenge…

 

Maryse Vs Michelle McCool – WWE Divas Championship Match

I’ll pass.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

MIKE ADAMLE~! Announces that Punk likely won’t be in the main event tonight, but the match is still gonna happen even without him!

 

THE BIG SHOW~! He’s pissed at Vickie. THE UNDERTAKER . He’s pissed at Vickie too. BIG SHOW TURNS ON THE UNDERTAKER OMG I TOTALLY NEVER SAW THAT COMING WHATSOEVER THIS IS SO SHOCKING. Yeah, predictable, but an awesome segment and gave us one hell of a feud between the two .

 

Batista Vs JBL Vs Kane Vs Rey Mysterio Vs Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Championship Scramble Match

JBL and Batista just beat the shit out of each other for 5 minutes . Then KANE shows up to join them!!!

Nothing fancy here, but it’s a ton of fun as 3 large men try to destroy each other. If you’re into that sort of thing then you’ll love this!

KANE IS THE CURRENT WHC!!!

MYSTERIO TIME!!!

He runs into the ring with some stupid Mohawk mask and Kane immediately punches him in the face. STOP LOOKING STUPID.

so fun to watch Mysterio run around and doing flips, only to run into Kane and get knocked the fuck down .

Batista and Rey work together a little until Rey tries to sneak a pin on him. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!!! Oh wait… that isn’t for another year… nevermind.

Down to the final 5 minutes, and is CM Punk gonna show up? Nope. He’s dead or something. Instead we get… Jericho?

Jericho?

He can barely walk after his “match”, and he LOST it too. So why the FUCK is HE the replacement?

Wow, just realised that KANE is not only still the champion, but he’s the only guy with a pin so far!

FUCK ME. Batista killed Rey. KILLED HIM DEAD.

Why is KANE going for a pin? Why is the referee counting? Why is Bastista wasting energy kicking out? KANE IS ALREADY THE CHAMP.

SPINEBUSTER~! Batista is the current WHC with 30 seconds left!!!

Batista Bomb to Rey… and while he’s doing that, Jericho pins Kane and the clock is at 0! Jericho is the WHC .

Well this was better than I was expecting . ECW match is probably the best scramble of the night, but all 3 are super fun and the same rating too!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4