One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2008 PPV Ramblings

Posted on: September 23rd, 2015 by Big Cal

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One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2008

 

Just like Vengeance Night of Champions from 07, this PPV gets TWO names! Why? Because WHY NOT?

 

Jeff Hardy Vs Umaga – Falls Count Anywhere Match

I wonder if this is the match I seem to think it is. If it is, it has the dumbest finish ever, and a bunch of shit before it :p.

Umaga? SMASH!

Well, the seem to be battling away from the ring… which makes it likely to be the match I remember.

:lmao Jeff Hardy threw a fucking plastic traffic cone at Umaga, and Umaga just fires back with a kick to the face, because who the fuck would get hurt by that? :lmao

Oh god here it comes… Jeff slides down the stair rail and clotheslines Umaga. Just… no.

They spend some time throwing each other into walls and onto tables and it all looks like shit. It’s basically them slapping objects with their hands as they pretend to hit their head on shit.

Outside now, and yeah, it most definitely IS the match I was expecting.

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That was the finish. And we are supposed to believe that Umaga fell on concrete and Hardy dove off onto him.

Hate everything about this.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

CM Punk Vs John Morrison Vs Chavo Guerrero Vs Tommy Dreamer Vs The Big Show – Spingapore Cane Match

YES! :mark: I forgot this match was on THIS show. If I don’t find it fun any more, then I truly do have no soul.

BIG SHOW VS THE WORLD :mark:. And the world is losing!!! Big Show totally rules in this kind of environment.

Everyone kicking the shit out of Big Show :mark:. In punk and Morrison’s case, it was quite literally KICKING :mark:.

With Big Show… kinda down, everyone else climbs the ropes and grabs a cane! 4 on 1 cane action!!! :mark:

:lmao Chabo decks… some sports dude in the crowd with a cane :lmao. Punk hands him a cane and lets him get some revenge on Chabo!!! I don’t know who the fuck that guy is, but he’s the most awesome sports guy ever for beating up Chabo! Well, not quite as awesome as Ricky Hatton when he knocked out Chabo at a Raw taping I went to :mark:.

The Jiz shows up to save Morrison from getting murdered by Show, and gets taken out :lmao. Show picks up the steel steps… but ends up going head first into them instead!

Everyone in the ring is trying to kill everyone else with a cane :mark:. My god this is so fucking fun. Even though I don’t like most of the guys in the match! Let’s face it, if you can’t have a fun match by hitting people with a stick then you suck at pro-wrestling.

FUCK ME Big Show has a HUGE gash in his head. I seem to remember that he legitimately fucked himself up on that steel steps spot. But it makes for great TV (or rather, PPV) so :mark:.

The giant is bleeding, and that’s BAD NEWS for everyone else cos he’s angry as fuck :mark:.

Bam Neely, that nobody who was with Chabo for a while, gets decked first. Jiz next. Then Morrison :mark:.

SPANKING CM PUNK LIKE A SCHOOL BOY~! :lmao I don’t even wanna ask where that came from, Adamle…

EVERYONE IS DEAD~! Big Show is awesome.

:lmao Dreamer gets chokeslammed, then Show helps him to his feet again and applauds… then grabs a cane, smiles, and cracks Tommy in the head :lmao. The Big Show doesn’t just win this match, he DOMINATES it :mark:.

Better than every original ECW match ever.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

JBL Vs John Cena – First Blood Match

Huh, totally don’t remember this match ever existing. I remember their I Quit match in 05, and their parking lot brawl from the 08 GAB… but this? No idea.

Match starts with both men exposing… a turnbuckle 8*D.

First blood matches are kinda dumb really, aren’t they? Like, in real life, a couple of punches to the face at most and the other guy is gonna be busted wide open :p.

:lmao what the fuck??!

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:lmao

JBL is concentrating on Cena’s head, which is pretty much what everyone does in these types of matches. Nice punches from John, and love his BIG BOOT :mark:.

Watching JBL hit Cena in the head can only be fun for so long before it gets… boring. Then Cena makes a small comeback and tries… an F-U. Because THAT will bust Cena open… fecking moron.

Fuck me. Cena gets the chance to take a break and get a weapon to aid him… and what does he get? Steel chair? Metal pipe? NOPE. A fucking microphone. Dumbshit.

EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE~! Aaaand it fails to bust Cena open. Ah well. What a waste of time.

:lmao JBL goes for a Clothesline from Hell. THAT ISN’T GOING TO WIN YOU THE MATCH YOU BLEB.

Now, a steel chain wrapped in his towel that he brings to the ring? That’ll work! Though why hide it? Why wait until now to use it?

F-U~! And somehow JBL ISN’T BLEEDING. I’m shocked. And I know all of you are too.

:lmao now JBL has a fucking BULL WHIP :lmao. And instead of using it, what does JBL do? Walks over to Cena and gets close enough to be kneed in the balls.

STFU WITH THE CHAIN~! Referee rings the bell and at first I thought he got confused but apparently JBL is bleeding from the mouth.

I think I need to be hit in the head with a metal object so I forget this match.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Batista and Orton are backstage talking. Orton is trying to convince Batista to join him should they both get drafted to the same show in a few weeks. Batista just walks off :lmao.

 

Beth Phoenix Vs Melina – I Quit Match

A diva I Quit match? Huh. I think I’ll give this one a go, see what it’s like.

:lmao one of Melina’s paparazzi falls over :lmao.

Beth gets in Melina’s face at the start to try and intimidate her, so Melina shoves her away and locks in a guillotine choke submission! She ain’t going down easy (this time, anyway 8*D )!!!

Beth powers the fuck out of the submission though and now she’s starting to work over Melina :mark:.

:mark: Melina keeps fighting back and locks in an awesome submission that I can’t remember the name of :mark:. Beth just looks fucking ANGRY and drags them both to the ropes to break the hold :mark:.

ASK HER~!

:lmao the referee asking Beth to KEEP IT CLEAN. In a fucking I QUIT MATCH :lmao.

THE ARM HAS BEEN BARRED~!

Damn, Beth is fucking insane. Mauling Melina here, and it rules :mark:.

MELINA KICKS BETH IN THE ARSE AND SENDS HER SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RING POST~!

Arm work by Melina!

Beth keeps trying to power out, but Melina turns it into a cross arm breaker instead!!!

And it ends up getting reversed into a RUNNING POWERBOMB :mark:. Beth is a fucking POWERHOUSE. And Melina is great at taking these bumps and making everything look BRUTAL.

GLAM SLAM~! I think? And from there she grabs her head and bends Melina BACKWARDS :mark:. Melina tries to hold on, but ends up HAVING to quit.

Man, what a match!!! Might actually be one of the best I Quit matches in the company’s history.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

MICKIE JAMES~! Bah, it’s that stupid Cena love story thing they tried lol. ADAMLE~! He burst out of the bathroom and ruins the private time for Cena and Mickie :lmao.

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Batista – Stretcher Match

Shawn retired Flair at WM. Batista was pissed off. They had a match. HBK faked an injury to win. Batista was more pissed off. So now they are having a stretcher match.

Right from the start, Batista uses his POWAH to take control of HBK. I like how the first thing he does on the outside is remove the padding from the stretcher. He HATES Shawn Michaels right now, so he doesn’t want any padding to save HBK from some PAIN :mark:.

Fuck me, less than 5 minutes into the match and HBK is pissing me off :lmao. He manages to get Batista down, then spends a stupid amount of time playing with the steel steps… only to sit Batista on one part of them in the end so he can RAM THE STETCHER INTO HIM. Oh and he put the padding back on before he did it :lmao.

Second straight match to feature the guillotine choke submission :mark:. At least THAT was a smart move from Shawn; make Batista pass out and then wheel him over the line.

:mark: SPINEBUSTER ON THE APRON :mark:. Sure, Kevin Owen’s apron Powerbomb looks better and more brutal, but the SPINEBUSTER was still awesome.

Wow, who is that referee? I can’t remember his name, but damn, he is looking FAT here lol.

:lmao Shawn is setting up Sweet Chin Music, but pretty much just RUNS at Batista, so it was obvious as fuck it was getting countered :lmao.

Batista attempts a Batista Bomb over the ropes, but Shawn escapes, hits the superkick, and THE ANIMAL falls out of the ring right onto the stretcher!!!

HBK tries his best to take advantage of the superkick, but try as he might, Batista is too ANGRY AND POWERFUL.

BATISTA BOMB~!

Batista places HBK on the stretcher, but CHRIS JERICHO shows up to try and MOTIVATE the Heart Break Kid! Shawn gets off the stretcher!!! This match is continuing!!!

:lmao HBK tries a Super Kick but he’s too fucked to do any damage. Pretty awesome moment to be honest.

:mark: I DON’T LOVE YOU, AND I’M NOT SORRY :mark:.

BATISTA BOMB PART II~!

Shawn is DONE, but again Jericho shows up to “motivate” his “friend” to try and continue the match!!! SPINEBUSTER ON THE STEEL STEPS~! This time is IS over!!!

Ya know what, I really liked this. I don’t remember my thoughts on the match before, but I have a feeling I probably didn’t think much of it on last watch. But this time I loved it. Batista was getting revenge for his friend Flair being retired at WM and revenge for himself for being screwed in the previous match against Shawn. He fucking KILLS Shawn. The Jericho stuff was good too, setting up their big feud.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Triple H Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match

These two men seem to love having LMS matches against each other. And they tend to turn out well too, which is surprising considering how much they tend to SUCK in matches against each other.

This match though? Well… ummmm… just wait and see :p.

Orton gets thrown into the steel steps about 10 seconds into the match and looks to have hurt is shoulder. Probably just Orton selling it really well :).

SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE STEEL POST~!

SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE STEEL POST AGAIN~!

Damn, HHH looks like he genuinely wants to injure Orton’s shoulder in this match :side:.

Orton mounts some offence, then goes for an RKO on the floor… but HHH counters by pushing him shoulder first into the ring post!!! That poor shoulder of Orton. If HHH isn’t careful he’s gonna fuck it up for real :side:.

RKO~! NO! TRIPLE H COUNTERED AND SENT ORTON TO THE OUTSIDE~! ORTON LANDS ON HIS SHOULDER~! Aaaand breaks his collar bone :lmao. I know it’s not “funny” but fuck me, HHH was out to destroy that shoulder the entire match, and accidentally does it for real :lmao.

SLEDGEHAMMER~! Orton is dead. Match is over.

Well, it’s a shame the injury had to happen and they had to improvise a finish, because before the injury this was fecking GREAT. I mean really fucking great. HHH was out to kill Orton and everything he did looked nasty and awesome. Orton sold well, and everything he did looked great too. I also like that for a LMS match, the first count came from a DDT ON THE FLOOR and not a shitty scoop slam or some bullshit that everyone knows would never end the match unless it was a scoop slam off a fucking building through 10 tables. So yeah, real shame it had to end like it did because another 10 minutes of this and it could have easily topped their No Mercy 07 match.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

The Undertaker Vs Edge – World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match

If The Undertaker loses, he will be BANISHED FROM THE WWE~! So, no way he’s losing, right? :)

*sigh*

This match, man. This match. Never liked it. Even watching it live I was able to call the spots before they happened. When a match is THAT obvious then something is wrong lol.

Undertaker setting up a bunch of tables together piled on top of each other. Bet we won’t see that come back to haunt him later on in the match :side:. Seriously, what is the logic, kayfabe wise, behind stacking tables up?

Ok, so TWO ladders are in the ring. Set up flat on opposite turnbuckles. Instead of like, USING ONE OF THEM… Undertaker goes outside for a THIRD LADDER to set up and climb in an attempt to win the fucking match. BUT ITS OK COS THE OTHER LADDERS WAS USEDED IN TEH SPOTZ~! Fuck right off.

:lmao Undertaker has a look on his face just after that like “why the fuck did I agree to this match?” :lmao. Kinda wish Undertaker was only involved in the ONE ladder match. Would be much better for his legacy to have one awesome ladder match in his 30+ year career rather than one awesome ladder match and this utter shite TLC bollacks.

Edge just hit Undertaker with a SPEAR. His FINISHER. In the middle of the ring. Right next to a ladder that is set up. So what does Edge do? PUSHES THE LADDER OVER. If hitting your finisher isn’t a good time to climb a ladder that is ALREADY SET UP then I don’t know what is.

Edge’s jobber friends show up to help out when Edge gets Chokeslammed on a ladder. At least SIX tables are already set up outside. So what do they do? Get TWO MORE from under the ring. I swear this match was designed for no other reason than to annoy me.

Ahh, well at least we know why ONE of the tables wasn’t brought into the ring… Undertaker had to chokeslam someone through it!

Wow and another of those tables gets used up too! Phew, good job the jobber guys didn’t grab those instead, huh? Would have COMPLETELY ruined the SPOTZ~!

While Undertaker is dealing with those jobbers, Edge takes this opportunity to… set up 2 stacked tables… right next to the ladder he climbs up afterwards. OMG WHAT A SURPRISE UNDERTAKER GIVES HIM A LAST RIDE OFF THE LADDER THROUGH THE STACKED TABLES!!! FUCK. OFF. NOW.

More Edge jobber friends show up. Unsure how Undertaker is gonna deal with them because there are no more tables set up… except for those 4 stacked up but I have a feeling those are for later :side:.

Undertaker takes care of the other jobbers… then climbs a ladder that isn’t exactly under the belt. In fact, it’s a little too close to the ropes… near those stacked tables. Hmmm… I wonder…

Oh, Edge knocks Undertaker off the ladder and through the stacked tables and wins the belt and Undertaker has to leave the WWE until SummerSlam.

My least favourite Undertaker match ever. Or at least it’s tied with the HIAC against Bossman in 1999.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 13

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