Month: June 2014

Insurrextion 2003

 

Last UK only PPV. No surprise really because they usually always sucked. We would eventually get TV tapings over here so it’s all good.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Jazz – WWE Women’s Championship Match

First match and I’m already going NO. Good start!

Rating: NO

CAL SCALE – -1

 

Christian Vs Booker T – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Oh god. I really wanna skip this match because I remember being bored to fucking tears back in 03 when this seemingly never ending feud was going on. I swear my memory of these two is of them having about 10 fucking matches in a row . Likely not the case, but that’s how it felt. I was not, and still aren’t, a fan of Booker T. However, I DO love Christian. I wasn’t fond of him back then though, it took his WM match with Jericho for me to jump on the “bandwagon”. So I’ll give this a watch to see if Christian was good back in 03 too. Maybe he can pull something half decent out of the useless Booker T.

Fucks sake, that terrible Booker T theme dub again.

 starting writing this on Jan 17th 2014. It’s now March 3rd 2014 and I’m only just getting back to the show. The thought of sitting through a Booker T match killed me for 2 months .

 I just looked at the first match to remind myself what happened… and I didn’t even watch it . Taken me 2 months to even begin watching ONE match .

Booker slams Christian around early on, then Christian uhhh… somehow gets in control and I genuinely don’t remember how and fuck going back and watching it again lol. Yey sleeper hold… exciting…

Ha, Booker crotched himself on the ropes. Now maybe Christian can get some good shizzle in and… rest hold. Fucks sake. 09-current Christian would probably disown this Christian.

Fuck me this match is basically just Booker T dominating Christian, Christian getting about 2 rest holds in and then MOVES until Christian cheats to win. It wasn’t horrible to watch because at least they were always doing something… but it wasn’t good.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Austin books Teddy in a 6 man tag. Kane randomly walks up from behind and uhhhh… they stare at each other and Austin asks if he has a problem with him.

 

Kane & RVD Vs La Resistance – World Tag Team Championship Match

Oh, so that’s why the Kane/Austin staredown happened. Austin tried to motivate Kane into being a monster again on Raw, but it didn’t work so he Stunned him lol.

“These two guys look like they dressed in Elton John’s closet”  JR rules.

“We hate Frenchies” chant . AWESOME.

This match was basic as basic gets. RVD shows up the young uns early on, then they get the advantage. Control for a while doing absolutely nothing noteworthy, then a hot tag to Kane and the finish.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Al Snow is a backstage interviewer apparently. The fuck? Goldust .  it’s his crazy spaz days. Awesome.

 

Rico Vs Goldust

 I’m actually looking forward to this match. GOLDUST .

“You Screwed Bret” for about 4 fans  poor Earl.

Some nice kicks by Rico! Loved the spot where he smacks Goldust in the back of the head and Goldust falls against the ropes, but comes flying back with a LARIAT .

 slap exchanges .

Rico is an odd one here. No, not his gimmick lol. He shows signs of being a really good worker… then seconds later he can look more lost than the passengers of Oceanic 815. Makes for an odd match lol.

 JR loves Pussy Galore.

Goldust sets up for the… shit, I can’t remember the damn name of it lol. SHATTERED DREAMS. There we go. The ref gets in the way so Goldust just casually puts his arm around him and walks him to the other side of the ring .

Quick powerslam from Goldie gets the win!!!

This was fun. Had some ups and downs but I liked it overall. Might end up being MOTN .

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

HIGHLIGHT REEL TIME . I see they couldn’t afford to ship over his set . Just a small bit of red material on the mat and 2 shitty stools . Ha, shitty stools.

Jericho berates Newcastle . Bischoff is his guest on the show. God I miss Bischoff’s theme song. Was awesome. At least I own that Anthology CD set with it on .

Let’s sum up this segment up to the point Austin shows up:

Tossers

Football

Fish & Chips

Bad Teeth

Mad Cow Disease

Gotta love (aka bored to absolute death of) those generic English references lol. Damn fat stupid yanks can’t come up with anything new  .

 Austin claims they are ruining a perfectly good PPV. Ummmm, fairly certain this segment is the highlight of the night lol. All 3 guys go back and forth with each other and involve the crowd and all demonstrate some great mic work. Me likely.

 

The Dudley Boys Vs Christopher Nowenski, Rodney Mack & Teddy Long

BACK THE MACK~!

 Teddy looks like he’s about to cry stood on the apron .

Oh fuck me D-von and Mack going back and forth with quick pin exchanges to start and fuck me it looks AWFUL. Sloppy execution of basic fucking roll ups and they even look like they are half arsing kick outs .

 Nowenski gets tagged in and D-Von continues to be awful with a DREADFUL small package. Yes, D-Von’s small package is dreadful .

TEDDY LONG VS SPIKE DUDLEY . Battle of the skinny arms!!!

Boring stuff, hot tag and The Dudley’s start dominating and attempt to bring out the tables. Spike ends up alone with Teddy and wins. Yawnathon.

Nowenski goes through a table after the match to make the fans happy as per usual.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Test Vs Scott Steiner – Special Guest RefereeVal Venis

 oh god no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Triple H Vs Kevin Nash – World Heavyweight Championship Street Fight

 they just show the video package for BAD BLOOD rather than making one for Insurrextion like they normally would. So the video is hyping up a HIAC match but we only get a street fight .

HBShizzle at ringside with Nash. Flair with HHH.

 2 minutes into this match and FLAIR is bleeding. Yes. Flair. The Manager . HHH and Nash are having a shitty brawl on one side and HBK/Flair are taking all the attention away from them .

LOL, referees try to break up HBK/Flair, so Nash just shoves them all out of the way and lets them go at it again, but they end up buggering off backstage and we are stuck with just HHH and Nash .

 HHH and Nash are at the top of the ramp. Now if only they could fuck off backstage too… .

HHH gets flashbacks of JD (I think?) as Nash attempts to put him through the announce table, and manages to escape without that happening again. GOD FORBID SOMETHING EXCITING HAPPENS IN THIS MATCH HUH HHH?

Oh hey, look over there, it’s HHH clearly blading! 

 my version of the show just died on me . I SHOULD take it as a sign, but eh, I’ve come this far I might as well finish it. Better be on the Youtube or something…

Ok found it on Dailymotion. Yey…

Ref bump in a street fight, is there ANY FUCKING POINT lol?

Flair! Chair! Boot to his face!

HHH decks Nash in the head with the chair. Another ref but Nash kicks out. Urgh, this is still going lol.

Double team to Nash until HBK shows up once again. SUPERKICK TO FLAIR~!

PEDIGREE TO HBK~!

JACKKNIFE TO HHH~! But Earl is dead and the other ref got taken out by HHH so Nash just covers HHH until MINI FLAIR shows up and… gets attacks by BIG FLAIR .

Nash and Flair go at it allowing HHH to recover and deck Nash with the Sledgehammer. Earl finally wakes up and thank fuck this is done.

Best parts of this match involved 2 people who weren’t even in the damn thing .

What a terrible “PPV”.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – -0.5

Backlash 2003

 

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLDBERG. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLDBER. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

 

Team Angle Vs Los Guerreros – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

I saw someone say this was the WORST PPV of 2003 a couple of days ago. Wondering if I’ll think the same, but this being the opener pretty much ensures ONE really good match on the show which could prevent it from being THE worst. We’ll see. Besides, I might end up thinking this sucks . Chavo IS in the match after all.

 at Team Angle walking around with a picture of Angle to place in their corner while Angle is out with a BROKEN FREAKIN NECK.

 at Tazz literally saying that being smart won’t help Hass in the ring AT ALL.

 at Chavo ONLY getting chants because Eddie basically forces the crowd to chant for him . Then the crowd BOO when Eddie tags him in .

 BORING chants for Chavo . Backlash 03 crowd might be my favouritist evaz!!!

Eddie senses that they are losing the fans so he comes in and smashes Shelton in the face a few times with a forearm. CHANT BORING TO THAT YOU FUCKS. 

Some nice LIE CHEAT AND STEAL stuff from Los Guerreros. Fans love it. Eddie rules.

Nice to see the referee doing the old stupid decisions crap FOR the babyfaces in the match. Eddie and Chavo don’t make real tags, instead just clap their own hands behind the ref’s back, and the ref allows it because the fans cheer and pretend like they did tag. More babyfaces need to cheat nowadays. Freshens things up and stops the whole BLACK AND WHITE crap between heels and faces. Give us some shades of grey. So long as it isn’t 50 .

Team Angle resort to stealing the Guerrero’s CHEATING stuff . Eddie FIP . Good job it was Eddie doing it because I can’t get behind Chavo. I end up cheering for the other team who are working him over .

Oh man Eddie gets SO FUCKING CLOSE on a number of occasions to getting a tag. I mean WOW. Those were some AWESOME cut offs.

Then the ACTUAL tag is fucking awesome too. Looks more like a flap jack to Eddie, who just so happens to fly into Chavo .

Despite being fairly new, Team Angle did a pretty damn good job working over Eddie. A couple of moments where they’d try and sit in a hold but it seemed Eddie wasn’t having any of it and kept them on the move lol.

POWERBOMB TO CHAVO. Awesome.

Chavo is utterly useless after the hot tag, so Eddie comes in TWICE illegally and hits some big moves on Hass for Chavo to just cover and get the win. Chavo fails at that . Then Chavo gets screwed and pinned. Team Angle wins.

Yeah this fucking rules. I gotta watch those SD matches between them that are (or one of them at least) even better. I always liked them but never got the “truly awesome MOTYC” feeling from them. But if any of them are legit better than this then… .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Test backstage coming on to Torrie even though he’s with Stacy. Calls her a tease. Forces himself on her. Then Sable shows up and… follows her? I’m not sure. LOL.

 

Rikishi Vs Sean O’Haire

ROWDY RODDY PIPER .

Remember when O’Haire was the next big thing? LOL. That lasted all of about a month . Which is a shame because I always liked him, and his character was interesting too.

Rikishi’s mum is suffering from… AN ILLNESS. Way to be specific Cole. For all I know she could have the shits.

Wasn’t expecting much from this, and I ended up being somewhat surprised. Aside from O’Haire using a neck crank submission thingy that looked like shit, this had a ton of fun exchanges and unique spots. DOUBLE SUPERKICK. Both men are down!

O’Haire LAUNCHING Rikishi out of the corner onto his arse to avoid a stink face was awesome. Nice finisher from O’Haire too which looked impressive on a guy the size of the Kish.

PIPER IS BLEEDING~! He got decked with a coconut. REVENGE FOR SNUKA 20 YEARS LATER LOL.

Nothing special, but hell, I’m glad I didn’t skip it and throw a big NO at it .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Sable. Stacy. Fap. Sable is trying to create tension between Stacy and Torrie. Tells Stacy that Torrie kissed Test and stuff. All of this would somehow lead to Sable and Torrie having a sort of lesbian friendship. Yeah. Fap.

 

RVD and Kane. RVD is terrible, dude. Not cool. His WWE promos are so cheesy and shit. Kane doesn’t help things either.

 

Kane & RVD Vs The Dudley Boys – Special Referee Chief Morley – World Tag Team Championship Match

WE MISS REGAL sign .

Both teams are faces, but Morley (formally Val Venis) hates RVD and Kane and wants the tag belts off them, and apparently he’s fine with THOSE DAMN DUDLEYS as champs…

BUBBA. RAY. DUDLEY. Best version of mocking RVD’s thumbs crap ever .

Love how RVD does all his spinny kicky fancy shit only for Bubba to constantly crash into his face with a clothesline .

Match picks up a bit when Kane tags in and starts destroying people, then starts a little FIP segment but is too pick to keep down and tags RVD in.

And then the match kinda gets dull. I can’t get behind RVD, and honestly the Dudley Boys ain’t doing much to make their control segment that interesting either. HUGE difference between this and the SD tag titles match.

Very cold tag to Kane. Then RVD is back in seconds later like nothing happened.

EPIC neckbreaker from Devon to RVD from the ropes.

LOW BLOW TO KANE BY MORLEY. Then he accidentally levels Bubba with a clothesline. Devon kills him.

LANCE STORM. Takes out Devon, then gets a Bubba Bomb lol. 3-D to Morley. Fuck me this is a clusterfuck finish .

Chokeslam to Bubba, followed by a 5 Star, then a new referee shows up to count the 3. LOL.

Eh, this wasn’t that good. Boring mostly, with a clusterfuck finish.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

FAP FIGHT! I MEAN CAT FIGHT. STACY AND TORRIE GOING AT IT. FAP.

 

Jazz Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship Match

 like I’m gonna sit through this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

NWO REUNION~! And by that I mean HBK, Booker T and Kevin Nash . Oh shit, I forget what the Raw main event is on this show. 6 man tag.

 

The Big Show Vs Rey Mysterio

Oooooo this could be a TON of fun. TON. FUN. OF.

Rey is playing MIND GAMES with Show right from the start, running out of the ring and teasing getting back in, then when Show comes out after him, Mysterio gets back in the ring and dropkicks Show in the face . Show is PISSED OFF and kicks the steel steps.

And then Show finally gets his hands on Rey and the gaint is in control. Always love the spot where Show grabs a guy by the HEAD and lifts them up onto the apron . Was even better here when Rey went all the way up to the second rope instead of just the apron .

CHOP TO THE BACK~! Rey is in serious trouble. So what does he do? CHEAT!! Steel chair to the skull behind the referee’s back!!! Senton off the ropes, but that still doesn’t get the job done.

619 TO SHOW’S GUT! THEN TO HIS BUTT! THEN TO THE FACE!!! WEST COAST POP… NAH. Show catches him by the throat, Chokeslams him to fucking hell and gets the win.

Short but ever so sweeeeeeeet. Tons of fun. Aftermath with Show swinging Rey while on a fucking STRETCHER BOARD is incredible.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

STACY AND TORRIE FAP FAP are still fighting. Stacy gets pushed into something and then a box falls off the top onto her head and Torrie looks HORRIFIED . Not sure it was supposed to fall on her . Steiner shows up to help Stacy then Test shows up to scream at things.

 

Brock Lesnar Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match

THIS IS JAIL BROCK, WE INMATES, AND YOU JUST DROPPED THE SOAP!

Damn, Cena beat EDDIE GUERRERO, UNDERTAKER AND BENOIT in the title tournament to get this match. Don’t remember any of the matches lol.

Cena tries to gain the upper hand from the get go, but Lesnar just shrugs him off and MAULS HIM. 

Brock almost looks like a HEEL for the first 5 or so minutes with the way he’s beating the fuck out of Cena, shoving the title in his face and mocking him lol.

 Brock goes BACK FIRST into the steel steps… and gets busted open above his eye . SUPER CENA CAN DO ANYTHING~!

Sadly, SUPER CENA can’t do EVERYTHING. He can barely keep me interested as he works over Lesnar. Some stuff is ok, I like him really targeting the open wound of Lesnar, but as fun as that can be, he sucks the life out of stuff by applying a rest hold.

Lesnar’s comeback is  at least.

 Cena botches a clothesline so bad it forces Tazz to stutter.

Cena tries to cheat a few times, but in the end gets an F-5 and this match gives us the result that their Extreme Rules match should have gotten. LESNAR WINS.

Match is decent at best. Lesnar is great, but fuck, Cena is dull as shit 90% of the time. He really brings the match down.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash & Booker T Vs Triple H, Ric Flair & Chris Jericho

NWO Vs Evolution + Jericho. LOL.

I remember  like FUCK back in 03 when Nash returned. BIG DADDY COOL was always a favourite of mine.

Over the years I’ve seen a bunch of big main event tag matches that throw in some of the big stars at the time, and man oh man have I LOVED them. Undertaker & Batista Vs Cena & HBK from No Way Out 07 is just tremendous for starters. And don’t even get me started on some from WCW in 92. DANGEROUS ALLIANCE VS WCW. Oh god . So on PAPER this one looks like it could be a ton of fun. HBK, OLD MAN FLAIR, Jericho kinda. Then the shitty guys like HHH, Nash and Booker can keep their shit to a minimum by not being in the match too long and sticking to JUST the few things they can do half decently.

However, I watched this a few years ago expecting it to be fun and maybe matching up to some of those other big tags. Sadly I found that it sucked . Maybe I was missing something before. Maybe THIS is the watch where I love it. Maybe Lita will come and blow me.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? What did they do to Booker’s theme music? WHY? Isn’t it a fucking WWE OWNED THEME? Why the FUCK did they dub some really shitty generic version over it? Not that his theme is great to begin with but fuck me. This is just terrible.

HHH teases starting the match with Nash, but pussies out. So instead we get HBK Vs Jericho who are sort of continuing their WM XIX feud… but it never really goes anywhere like I thought it would. They have a pretty great match on Raw in like, JULY, but aside from that HBK moves on to a small feud with Flair, and Jericho… does something for a month or so then moves on to Nash once Nash gets done with HHH. Oh yeah, he faces GOLDBERG, right? SD in 03 was doing great… Raw was like they didn’t know what the fuck they were doing for the most part.

Poor Flair. Tags in, misses an elbow and lets Booker T tag out .

SUPERKICK~!

PEDIGREE~!

Wow, seems kinda early to be throwing out finishers.

Oh well, allows HBK to be the one doing the FIP, as I was afraid it would be Booker T (yeah, I’ve seen the match before but I don’t remember shit lol).

Oh god HHH and HBK brawling. STOP IT.

Huh, Nash got a hot tag in. I barely noticed. This has been DULL AS SHIT. Nothing to talk about. At all.

LIONSAULT TO HBK WHILE HE’S STUCK IN A FIGURE FOUR. Most interesting thing to happen since the 2 random finishers early into the match.

Sledgehammer shot to Nash. It’s over. Thankfully.

Bad. Bad bad bad.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Rock Vs Goldberg

Urgh. If this wasn’t the main event I’d just move on to the next match.

 at Rock getting caught up in the ropes when he tries to sell the POWAH of Goldberg by bouncing out of the ring.

About 3 minutes into the match and… ROCK BOTTOM BY GOLDBERG. Followed by… SPEAR! TO THE RING POST. And luckily Goldberg didn’t go head first into it and knock himself out this time. Then again maybe if he did that they’d have stopped the match…

Rock applies some weird leg submission hold. Like a modified Sharpshooter, only it looks like shit .

SPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE. LOL. Nice hope spot tbh.

GOLBOR! Man, Coach is an A+ commentator…

Rock hits some finishers. Golbor kicks out. Absolutely NOTHING happens in between the finishers.

Spear. Entire minute of standing around waiting for Rock to stand back up. Spear. Jackhammer. Win.

Well, shockingly enough this blew…

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5

SummerSlam 2003

 

 sign guy has a dart board sign with a picture of Vince’s face in the middle .

 

The Dudley Boys Vs La Resistance – World Tag Team Championship Match

Those damn Frenchies have the WORLD tag titles, so the Dudley Boys need to bring them back to AMERICA where they belong. Apparently. LOL.

 at DUPREE using a BEARHUG on BUBBA RAY. Spike Dudley might as well try the same thing on Viscera.

Wow this was uneventful as fuck. Rob Conway was dressed as a camera man and costs the Dudley Boys the match.

Terrible opener lol.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Undertaker Vs A-Train

UNDERTAKER~!

Sable joining A-Train for this match! HAIRY GUYS GET ALL THE PUSSY~!

Undertaker’s ribs have been fucked since Vengeance against Cena, and A-Train has been attacking them for weeks on Smackdown. Undertaker being one of the GOATs knows how to wrestle a match with an injury. Love something as basic as him getting A-Train into the corner but not following up with punches, instead backing off and going on the defence just in case the big man counters and traps HIM in the corner.

OLD SCHOOL~! A-Train is down!

Shot to the ribs by A-Train, and Undertaker is fucking PISSED. He runs towards the giant hairy beast who uses the Dead Man’s own momentum against him, sending him over the ropes!

Now it’s time for A-Train to really target those injured ribs.

I like how the commentators tell us that Sable is “with” A-Train because A-Train is helping out Vince McMahon. So basically, Vince is pimping out Sable. LOL. No wonder Lesnar left the company!!! 

BIG BACK THROW~! No Tazz, it’s called a BACK SUPLEX. I thought you were the former wrestler who is there to call the moves that Cole is clueless about (so like, all of them).

PUNCHES~! Undertaker is making a comeback with some huge rights to the face of A-Train! APRON LEG DROP~!

LAST RIDE~! A-Train throws Undertaker into the referee. DE-RAILER! Undertaker kicks out!!!

UNDERTAKER KILLS THE REFEREE.

BYCYCLE KICK! UNDERTAKER IS OUT!

Referee is down so… steel chair of course! Undertaker boots it back into A-Train’s face! But the ref takes his time making a pin.

TOMBSTONE~! REVERSAL~! CHOKESLAM~! 3 COUNT!!! Not often we see a Chokeslam win a match lol, even in 2003!

Undertaker has won but he ain’t done! Goes for a Last Ride and Sable starts rubbing his chest. Which causes Undertaker to grab her by the throat, and hold her while STEPHANIE FAP FAP returns to get her some of Sable. Did STEPHANIE FAP FAP have a second boob job btw? Because I don’t remember them being THIS BIG in 2002 lol.

Good match. Undertaker rules as always, and A-Train is mostly a very underrated big man. He works the ribs well and they have a nice finishing stretch too.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Shane McMahon Vs Eric Bischoff

I don’t really understand this match/feud. It was basically KANE VS SHANE and somehow Bischoff ends up… there. LOL.

So, 2 non wrestlers having… a match. This isn’t even a No DQ or anything either I don’t think.

 it is rather amusing watching Shane maul Bischoff. THIS IS FOR NEARLY PUTTING MY DADDY OUT OF BUSINESS YOU CUNT~!

THE COACH JUST TURNED HEEL! HE JUST DECKED SHANE WITH A CHAIR! OMG!

Bischoff makes the match No DQ and Falls Count Anywhere.

 THE COACH JUST TURNED HEEL.

.

Seriously, of all the people to pick to help him, Bischoff went with THE COACH? 

King and JR’s mic get shut off and COACH calls the match in the ring while holding Shane for Bischoff. LOL. This is TERRIBLE.

Shane makes a comeback, then being 2 on 1 gets taken down again so Austin shows up to even the odds. But Austin can’t attack anyone unless physically provoked. So Shane shoves COACH into Austin. And Austin kills him.

 Shane and Austin REALLY kick the shit out of the poor guy. You know how when a couple of guys stomp on someone and it looks fake as shit… well not here . It’s like they WANT to hurt him for real.

Shane slaps Austin with Bischoff’s hand, and Austin stuns him. BUT BISCHOFF KICKS OUT!!! Awwww what a shame, that just means Shane has to kill him some more. Elbow table spot. BISCHOFF IS DEAD. SHANE WINS.

This match is… . It’s terrible but in the most hilarious way possible. THEY TURNED THE COACH HEEL . And in the end it didn’t even matter . Shane still wins .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Fuck me they are hyping up WRESTLEMANIA 20 already!

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit Vs Rhyno Vs Tajiri – United States Championship Match

Look at those participants. LOOK AT THAT FUCKING TALENT. FAP FAP FUCKING FAAAAAAAAAAAP.

 Eddie turned on EVERYONE in this match at some point . Video showing him attacking them all on SD is GOAT. Levels his former best friend Benoit, then turns on his partner that night Rhyno, then is about to leave and figures “what the fuck” and decks his former partner Tajiri too .

But this isn’t just about EDDIE VS THE WORLD, because Benoit and Rhyno have some issues too. Rhyno GORED Benoit at vengeance allowing Eddie to win the US title.

EDDIE CHANTS~! The beginning of Eddie being the most popular wrestler probably on the PLANET lol.

FUCK ME. Benoit just charges at Rhyno with a running knee and smashes it right into his ribs and keeps on going until he smashes into the corner lol. DON’T FUCK WITH BENOIT.

 Benoit and Tajiri interactions. Did they have a singles match… ever? Or at least around this time period? *looks* Just 2 on Raw in 2005. DO WANT.

LASSO FROM EL PASO~! Rhyno comes in to break it up, but gets caught by Benoit and put in a Crossface!  at Eddie’s face as he realises that Rhyno could tap first and cost him the title!!! Awesome little sequence .

DOUBLE A SPINEBUSTER TO TAJIRI~! TAJIRI KICKS OUT~!  Rhyno can be seen looking up and talking to himself. Probably saying “HOW DID THAT NOT WORK? FOR THE LOVE OF ARN HOW DID THAT NOT WORK?!?!”.

GORE TO EDDIE! BUT EDDIE HAD THE US TITLE BELT WITH HIM AND IT PROTECTED THE CHAMP!!! Ha, awesome.

Bugger me, THAT was a near fall. Headbutt to Rhyno while Tajiri is caught in a tree of woe, cover… then Tajiri manages to escape and flop over Benoit to break up the pin lol.

Rhyno is still out… FROG SPLASH~! EDDIE WINS! STILL THE CHAMP!

 this rules in all kinds of ways. 4 super talented guys going at it. Exactly what you would expect.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Kurt Angle – WWE Championship Match

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND~!

So I’ve had this match at ***** for a LONG time. I last watched it around 3 years ago when I was putting together my top 100 WWF/E Matches list… and boy did it ever hold up. Which honestly surprised me a little, but it’s awesome when matches hold up even when I wasn’t sure it would. Can it hold its place as a ***** match this time around? I fucking hope so! 

Backstory for those who don’t remember/didn’t watch at the time. Angle lost the WWE Title to Brock at WM. Angle went away for neck surgery. He returned as a babyface and he and Lesnar had a “competitive rivarly” type friendship. Triple threat at Vengeance with Big Show for the title, and Angle won it back. Vince McMahon gets involved, turns Brock heel and Brock claims that Angle stopped being his friend when he took away HIS WWE Title. So now Lesnar wants it back. Simples.

Early going sees some AMATEUR WRASSLING, with Brock trying to show Angle up, but Angle is a fecking GOLD MEDALIST and not even Brock can hang with him. So if mat wrestling ain’t gonna work, he gotta us that POWER.

But even the POWER doesn’t work too well as Angle uses his speed and keeps countering THE BEAST at every oppertunity, and Lesnar is fucked! Starts throwing shit around on the outside, then grabs the WWE Title and begins to leave with it, causing Angle to chase after him!

OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY . And the commentators ACTUALLY CALLED THE MOVE!!! Normally they call it a “throw” or simply a “belly to belly” and both are fucking wrong and dumb. MORONS.

PRESS SLAM OVER THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR~! Angle is dead or something.

OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY… AND LESNAR DOESN’T FALL DOWN AFTER DOING THE SUPLEX~! HOLY FUCK THAT ALWAYS LOOKS IMPRESSIVE AS HELL. 

Man oh man, Angle running FULL SPEED into Lesnar and crashing into him was awesome, and made even more awesome when Lesnar barely fucking moved!!! Love how much it takes for Angle to FINALLY knock Lesnar down, only for Brock to give him an overhead belly to belly and fuck him up again.

ANGLE SLAM~! No, Lesnar reverses!

F-5~! No, Angle reverses!!!

ANGLE SLAM~! LESNAR KICKS OUT!!!

Well, if the Angle Slam didn’t work, then you gotta go for the ANKLE LOCK~! Lesnar holds on and manages to reverse it and send Angle head first into the referee!!!

 Lesnar tries to hit a SPINEBUSTER on Angle, but Angle holds on to Lesnar’s waist and locks in a figure four on his NECK! Lesnar starts to fade, and once he gets on the mat, Angle switches to an Ankle Lock!!! Nice to see him going back to the hold the moment he got the chance rather than just throwing out a bunch of different submissions for the hell of it.

LESNAR TAPS~! But the referee is down!

STEEL CHAIR TO ANGLE~! VINCE MCMAHON JUST NAILED ANGLE WITH A STEEL CHAIR~!

ONE LEGGED F-5~! Awesome.

Angle kicks out, so Vince tells Lesnar to do it again.

COUNTER INTO THE ANKLE LOCK~! LESNAR GRABS THE ROPES 3 TIMES, BUT ANGLE DRAGS HIM BACK AND APPARENTLY IT DOESN’T BREAK THE HOLD LOL.

LESNAR TAPS OUT!!! LESNAR TAPS OUT!!! ANGLE RETAINS!!!

So this still rules… BUT I don’t think it’s ***** any more . A little disappointing yes, but I still think it’s fucking tremendous, just not THAT tremendous lol.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

 

Kane Vs Rob Van Dam – No Holds Barred

HOUSE ARREST DOES NOT PREVENT KANE FROM COMING TO WORK~!

What?

 at the video package for this match. Mostly building Shane Vs Kane. Just like Shane Vs Bischoff match earlier .

Man, how fucking DARK AND EVIL was Kane when he first unmasked? Set JR on fire, put clamps on Shane’s balls and electrocuted them, and in the video package here we see him kidnap RVD, tie him up, pour gasoline over him and light a fucking match!

 at some of the spots in this match. Kane doing his over the rope bump… BEFORE RVD quite gets to him with a running crossbody . And RVD setting a ladder up in the ropes, but before he can use it manages to get Kane down and goes for Rolling Thunder… but when he runs the ropes the ladder has gone . The fuck did it go? Oh, the ref moved it. Because he decided that RVD didn’t want it any more… despite getting it out and not having the chance to use it yet. LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

THIS HIDEOUS, SMELLY MONSTER KANE~! You tell him, JR!!!

 at RVD going for that kick off the ropes, but doing it from the second rope and barely hitting Kane because he wasn’t high enough. RVD WASN’T HIGH ENOUGH FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE .

What? The ladder ISN’T made of chocolate? WHY AM I ONLY BEING TOLD THIS NOW, JIM? WHY?

Way to go, RVD. You just dropkicked Kane into the crowd. A PSYCHOPATHIC MONSTER WHO SETS PEOPLE ON FIRE. Right into the crowd. YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!

MORE RVD STUPIDITY~! Rolling Thunder to Kane using a chair. Except the chair is on TOP of Kane so it hurts RVD too. He does that shit far too often lol.

 at JR not realising that Kane MOVED from the Van Terminator attempt.

TOMBSTONE ON THE STEEL STEPS~!

Thank fuck it’s done with. What a sloppy, shitty, spotty MESS.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Randy Orton Vs Goldberg Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Kevin Nash Vs Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match

Nash looks BADASS with his hair short and blonde/white lol. He lost a hair match to Jericho, as he needed to cut it for his upcoming part in the PUNISHER film (which is fucking awesome btw and hugely underrated. Get the extended version if you wanna check it out. Only the regular version was released outside of the US I think so I had to import it. Bluray versions anywhere are the regular version so fuck HD in this case)

Jericho and HBK to start things off!

Huge GOLDBERG chants, which confuse me because Ryback isn’t in this match .

It was only 3 minutes between entrances in this one, right?

Orton is next out, and he’s there to make sure HHH leaves with the belt!

 Nash is next out and Orton BOTCHES GOING FACE FIRST INTO THE CHAMBER WALL . Seriously, Nash grabs his head, tries to throw him into the wall and Orton just falls down instead .

Everything before Nash came in was fine, nothing noteworthy as seen by the fact I wrote NOTHING lol, but fine nonetheless. However with BIG DADDY NASH in the match we can get someone coming in and crushing people, which is always cool to see in a match like this.

OMG NASH JUST ATTACKED SHAWN~!

SUPERKICK TO NASH~! Jericho falls into the cover and Nash is gone! LOLOLOL!!!

Next out is HHH! But before he can escape his pod, HBK superkicks him to hell! And it was pretty much just done because HHH is INJURED (tore his penis or something).

NASH gets up finally, and decides to Powerbomb everyone he sees! EVERYONE IS DOWN!

HBK tries to pin both Orton and Jericho, but they had too long to recover from the POWERBOMBS and nobody is eliminated. Gotta save some bodies for GOLDBERG after all!

Pretty fun punch spot with all 3 guys (HHH is still sleeping in his pod) just punching each other in the face in the middle of the ring.

GOLDBERG IS FREE~! EVERYONE GONNA FUCKING DIE NOW~!

Press Slam into a Spinebuster looks like it killed Orton. SPEAR just to make sure. Orton is DONE.

PRESS SLAM FROM INSIDE THE RING RIGHT INTO THE CHAIN WALL TO JERICHO~! Goldberg is mauling everyone .

SPEAR TO JERICHO THROUGH THE POD~!

That hurt Goldberg, allowing HBK to nail the elbow and the band begins to tune up and SPEAR~! JACKHAMMER~! HBK IS GONE~!

Poor Jericho, he’s recovered enough from the POD SPEAR to get back in the ring, and he ends up taking another SPEAR~! JACKHAMMER~! JERICHO IS GONE~!

And then there was one. HHH is the last man standing, and Goldberg is gonna kill him .

Flair closing the pod door and holding it shut, protecting HHH is pretty sweet. Then Goldberg just fucking KICKS AND PUNCHES his way through the pod . HHH about to get raped in the pod!!!

Even HEEL LAWLER is talking about how HHH WAS a great champion, basically saying he’s fucked and Goldberg is winning lol.

Goldberg sets up the SPEAR… and runs right into a fucking SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT!!! HHH pins him and retains the WHC .

Shocking finish to a SUPER FUCKING FUN match. I mean fuck me at the FUNNESS of this bad boy. Goldberg running through bitches in a confined space is just .

I do however have a problem with the finish. Goldberg was WHITE HOT at the time. HHH was INJURED. Goldberg would get the title a month later anyway. And yet they still decided to keep the belt with HHH. Didn’t make that much sense to me. Surely Goldberg beating FIVE guys in the chamber would have been a better way to win the belt rather than JUST beating HHH one on one, right? Goldberg could have won here, then they could have giving HHH his rematch for the next PPV, with HHH claiming that Goldberg can’t beat him one on one and without being inside the chamber or some shit, and stack the odds against the guy with EVOLUTION too and shit. Would have been fine. Instead HHH had to keep hold of the belt even though he was fucking INJURED and that kinda pisses me off tbh.

Oh well. Still uberfunawesome.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 17

SummerSlam 2002

 

And now. SummerSlam.

And that was the intro to the event? Seriously? No video package? LOL.

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Kurt Angle

This is super fun awesome mega sweet. ALL OF THOSE THINGS.

Rey in 2002 had knees that worked so he could do ANYTHING. So he did. Some awesomely smooth high flying shit, great counters that could have easily sucked had anyone else done them because no doubt they wouldn’t have been as perfectly done as Rey did em.
The German suplex counter using the ropes going into a pin attempt was .

Angle is great here too (I know!). Takes all of Rey’s offense beautifully and it’s kinda cool seeing him work more of a “big man vs little man” style with him as the bigger guy lol. Just lobbing Rey around and shit.

 Rey diving over the ref over the ropes onto Angle.

Crowd are just on FIRE for all this too. Great to see Rey, only recently debuting with the company, taking Angle to the limit and being 100% believable to get a win despite his size and how long he’s been with the company and how he was used in WCW too.

 at the finish too. Great counter by Angle. Rey taps but fuck me he basically got MADE as far as his WWE career goes in this match.

Incredible opener and all round incredible match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Lawler wants to welcome us to the Raw portion of Smackdown. Yup.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Ric Flair

JERICHO BEATS UP AN OLD MAN. That’s essentially this match lol.

Holy fook at that spot! Jericho takes the padding off the barricade, lays Flair across it then comes crashing down on Flair from the top rope!!! Flair’s selling of it afterwards is tremendous. “OH GOD!” followed by him stumbling into a camera man .

 Jericho has a tougher time fighting with a turnbuckle pad than he does Flair. He ends up giving up and going after Flair with some wrist tape instead .

CHOPS~! But Jericho keeps firing back with PUNCHES TO THE FACE.

 Flair hits a somewhat WONDERFUL back suplex. Who thing leading into it is tremendous too. Flair strut, then he just kinda dances around Jericho, swings his arm up and grabs him for the suplex and hits it to perfection. DEM LITTLE THINGS.

LIONSAULT~! FLAIR MOVES~! CHOPS~! WALLS OF JERICHO BY FLAIR~! BOTCHES~! FIGURE FOUR BY JERICHO~! Wait, that’s not a figure four, is it? Looks totally different when Miz does it .

Flair taps! But he’s in the ropes so it doesn’t count! Suck it, Jericho!

 Flair chopped Jericho so hard, Charles Robinson fell down . Apparently Jericho knocked into him but you couldn’t see that from the camera angle we got .

LOW BLOW~! FIGURE FOUR~! FLAIR WINS!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yeah this good. Fun. Awesome. OLD MAN FLAIR~!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Edge

So I remember not liking these matches much in the past, but after seeing their… Unforgiven (?) match again for the first time in YEARS, I ended up loving it and now I have somewhat high hopes for this one too .

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG PORK SIGN IN THE CROWD! 

Botch in the first minute. Not a good sign . PORK, now there is a good sign! I miss PORK sign .

Eddie gets tied in the ropes and SPEAR! Edge goes for another, Eddie escapes and Edge flies out of the ring. LOL. Edge looks to be hurt, so Eddie goes right after the now seemingly injured left arm .

“GUERRERO LIKE A SHARK THAT SMELLS BLOOD IN THE WATER YUM YUM GONNA GET HIM SOME!” 

Awesome move off the top rope by Eddie to smash the arm into the mat .

 Eddie getting snapmared then moving like lighting to get back to Edge is . He just zooms around Edge, sweeps his leg then grabs the arm again.

Edge starts to build moment, looks to hit another SPEAR… only for Guerrero to counter with a dropkick!!!

FROG SPLASH~! NO! EDGE GOT HIS KNEES UP!

EDGECUTION~! EDDIE KICKS OUT! FUCK YES! SUCK IT EDGE!

Eddie is wonderful btw. Any time he counters an Edge comeback he is RIGHT BACK ON EDGE with such quickness. No wasting time or anything.

FROG SPLASH ON THE INJURED ARM!!! HOLY FUCK THAT WAS GOAT!!!

EDGE KICKS OUT!!!

SPEAR! And Edge wins . BOOOOO!!!

So this was good . Eddie was KING, Edge was fine. Eddie ruled.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Christian can’t wait to EXPOSE Booker T and Goldust.

 

Booker T & Goldust Vs Lance Storm & Christian – World Tag Team Championship Match

 ok, this match BETTER live up to the hype.

 GOLDUST AND CHRISTIAN starting things out . Storm comes in and that’s fine too… bah, Booker tagged in. FUCK OFF BOOKER.

 Goldust taking a bump over the turnbuckle is .

Goldust is superb as FIP as you would totally expect (and if you don’t then what the fuck is wrong with you? Goldust > most of your favourites). Takes one hell of a beating and it’s easy to get behind him as he tries to make a tag.

COME ON GOLDIE! COME ON GOLDIE! Booker T gets the hot tag, but the ref didn’t see it! Fans are fucking livid lol. Awesome.

CONCHAIRTO ATTEMPT! GOLDUST DUCKS AND COMES BACK WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! FANS POP LIKE CRAZY!!! Come on Goldust, make the tag!!! Yes!!! Shame it was to Booker T though .

Booker is at least good at coming off a hot tag and wailing on everyone. He just PLASTERS Christian on the ropes with repeated chops and slaps to the chest lol.

DOUBLE AXE KICK~! Ref is down though. Booo.

TEST~! Big boot to Booker T, and Christian & Storm steal this one .

This rules. Fucking RULES. Goldust is such a fucking workhorse. He spends the bulk of the match in the ring and fuck he’s just great. On offence, taking a beating, teasing a hot tag.  Awesome stuff all round not just from him too. Hype = LIVED UP.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Nidia is at WWE New York making out with some random dude while Noble watches .

 

Chris Benoit Vs Rob Van Dam – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

The crowd are pretty much fucking DEAD for this one unless RVD is hitting some flippy shit lol. Which is a shame because Benoit is fucking MAULING RVD’s head in pretty spectacular fashion.

So Benoit’s work here is fine, great even… but at the same time I’m not caught up in the match or anything. He’s just working over RVD and I’m not particularly caring. Some cool moments here and there and that’s kinda it tbh.

If anything it’s RVD that makes this match go from average to pretty fun at times. His crazy offence often leads to some great Benoit counters lol, and break the match up from Benoit applying holds .

Thing start to really pick up mid way though… and HOLY FUCK… TRIPLE NOTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEXES FROM BENOIT WHILE HE HAS RVD’S ARM BEHIND HIM REALLY FUCKING IT UP. Fuck triple Germans, THAT is an incredible triple suplex spot. Benoit then following it up with a Crossface is .

Finish kinda comes out of nowhere. Benoit goes for a back superplex, RVD counters with a crossbody then follows up with a 5 Star Frog Splash and it’s over. Just seemed that one second Benoit is controlling and then RVD wins with his finisher but without any real comeback nor hitting it OUT OF NOWHERE lol.

Mixed feelings on this one tbh. It’s good, and in parts it’s great… but at times it gets a little tedious too. Goes up and down and isn’t consistent. I liked it more than I disliked anything in it though. I’ll settle on really good .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

The Undertaker Vs Test

 the video package shows why the UN-AMERICANS hate America and shit… but absolutely no reason why this match is happening .

Undertaker is the AMERICAN BAS ASS so I guess that lets this “feud” write itself lol. Plus he has a Nephew I believe in the Army so he was dedicating a match to him by beating up… a Canadian. WHERE WAS HASSAN WHEN WE ACTUALLY NEEDED HIM? 

Undertaker tries to start the match in his usual way, softening up the arm, but TEST ain’t having none of that shit. Big knees to Undertaker to stop those arm wrenches, so Undertaker is all “fuck it, LEAPING LARIAT” and takes Test down that way lol.

OLD SCHOOL~! But Test again ain’t having none of that shit, and shoves the referee into the ropes, crotching the DEAD MAN! Now it’s time for Test to work over The Undertaker, using the steel steps to his advantage, because even a guy the size of TEST can’t get on top of the Dead Man without help.

Did we ever get T&A Vs BOD? I don’t think we did, did we? BOD teamed up a little in 2000 when Undertaker first returned and I’m not certain they met with T&A, then when BOD got back together again at the RR in 01, T&A had split. Bah, could have been a pretty awesome tag match tbh. T&A were awesome. One of the only “main” teams in 2000 that didn’t get a tag title run lol. 2 COOL EVEN GOT A FUCKING TITLE REIGN LOL.

Undertaker fights back and manages to hit OLD SCHOOL for real this time. Time for Test to fucking PAY.

SNAKE EYES~! BIG BOOT~! TEST COUNTERS~! Bunch of other counters and then CHOKESLAM~! TEST KICKS OUT!!!

Time for Test to take his LAST RIDE, but Storm and Christian show up!!! They get the fuck beaten out of them, allowing Test to sneak in and absolutely fucking NAIL the Dead Man with a big boot! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!!

Anyone else love Test’s BIG BOOT? I’m a big fan of impactful strikes, be it punches of kicks anyway, so naturally I’m gonna enjoy it. But what about everyone else? I mean, a 6’6 near 300lb man charging at you full speed and smashing your face in with his boot is a SOMEWHAT credible move, right? 

STEEL CHAIR~! COUNTERED~! TOMBSTONE!!! Always loved seeing ABA Undertaker use the Tombstone. Test ain’t kicking out of that in a million years.

After the match Undertaker wanders into the crowd and grabs an American Flag and parades around. Not my thing but eh, it’s Undertaker so I can give it a pass .

Match is solid stuff, not great but far, far from being anything bad. Just a shame Undertaker was in basically a filler match for SummerSlam, a month after he lost the Undisputed Championship and a month before he would challenge Lesnar for the WWE title lol.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Triple H – Unsanctioned Match

How GOAT is the FIGHT song for the video package?

I used to love this match. Really I did. Back when it happened, I was HYPED TO FUCK for it. It was SHAWN MICHAELS. RETURNING TO THE RING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 4 YEARS. I first saw wrestling back at the end of the Golden Era, and grew up on the NEW GENERATION, which Shawn Michaels was a MAJOR part of. I was around for the inception of D-x. But I lost access to the channels with wrestling and missed everything past 98 until 2000 (gone back and caught up with everything obviously… seems I didn’t miss much tbh  ). So when I started watching again in 2000, I had no idea where HBK was (or Undertaker for that matter lol… and they both pretty much returned at the same PPV!!!). Took a while for me to piece everything together with the info I would catch here and there on TV. Then he came back for the NWO in 2002. And that died off quickly. Then he re-joined with HHH. And that died off pretty quickly. And then HBK said he would be ready for a match. A RETURN MATCH. AT FUCKING SUMMERSLAM. 

I can still remember watching it in 2002. I adored it. It was incredible seeing HBK, my second favourite at the time (Undertaker #1, duh), FINALLY returning to the ring and putting on a fucking SHOW STEALER. But over the years I’ve gone way down on the match. And now I’m watching it again and after writing all of that stuff I’m kinda hyped for it one more time lol. Maybe that’ll help with this re-watch .

HBK just laying across the turnbuckle like a cocky little DICK as HHH makes his INTENSE~! entrance is . He don’t sweat THE GAME.

Shawn seems to catch HHH off guard at the start, like HHH wasn’t expecting HBK to go that fast and that hard after all this time away from the ring.  at the commentators saying how this goes WAY BEYOND a typical hardcore match… then Shawn pulls out a basic trash can lid . TRASH CAN LID = BEYOND HARDCORE!!!

Sweet Chin Music attempt is avoided, and HHH counters with a sickening BACK BREAKER, and now THE GAME begins to play with Shawn’s back.

THIS IS UNSANCTIONED. THE WWE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS MATCH~! They are just allowing it to happen on their PPV, complete with video package and entrances. And a referee in the ring to count the falls. And commentators to commentate on it. And they advertised the fuck out of it leading into the PPV. YEAH OK, NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

DDT ON A STEEL CHAIR. How the fuck was that not the finish lol? SHAWN IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN!

Love how Earl Hebner is in this match. Screaming “NO! NOOOO!” at HHH to try and stop him from killing HBK.

Earl continues to be awesome, even backing HHH into a corner and going on a fucking TIRADE .

BACK BREAKER ON A STEEL FUCKING CHAIR. That’s awesomely brutal in the circumstances. Shame it’s the only thing worth watching from the last like, 5 minutes lol. I get that HHH is taking his time to really break HBK apart… but fuck this match is just TOO slow at times.

SUPERKICK~! HBK superkicks a chair right into HHH’s face! His poor nose!!! 

HHH is hurting and busted open, giving Shawn a chance to make a comeback. NIP UP~! NO SELLING THE FUCKING BACK WORK~! WHAT A CUNT~!

I still have mixed feeling about that part. On the one hand… Shawn fucking NO SELLS his fucking back. Making everything in the match prior to that POINTLESS. On the other hand… . HBK nipping up and making a comeback on the EVIL HHH is still pretty .

Oh wow, I’m actually getting BORED with this match. Shawn just crossbodied HHH through a table on the floor from the ropes… and eh, I don’t care. Now an Elbow Drop off the ladder. Because… Uhhh… it needed to be done from a ladder? So he’s proving he’s still the SHOWSTOPPER yeah? Ok. How about you FUCKING SELL YOUR BACK.

SUPERKICK~! COUNTERED INTO A PEDIGREE~! COUNTERED INTO A PIN~! HBK WINS! Finally lol.

Well unfortunately I just wasn’t feeling this match. Again. Just doesn’t hold up like it once did. First part is really good… and then HHH decides to slow shit down far more than he needed and the match feels far too long. Then HBK comes back and ignores his fucking BACK INJURY and that fucks me off, then it turns into meaningless spots and moves before HBK wins. So first half = good, second half = kinda crappy. Evens out to good and nothing more.

SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE BACK~!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Before we can get to the main event, HOWARD FINKLE wants to talk! LOL. Why on EARTH were they seemingly trying to make THE FINK a heel? Or have a ring announcer as something other than a ring announcer? Oh well, TRISH FAP FAP FAP FAP FUCKING FAP WITH THAT OUTFIT comes out. LILLIAN FAP FAP GARCIA comes out and attacks Howard. Because they had some issues or something. I forget. I don’t care. LOL.

 

The Rock Vs Brock Lesnar – WWE Undisputed Championship Match

Rock starts this one with those awful punches of his, but Brock is all FUCK YOU ROCK and just grabs and throws him across the ring with an impressive looking Overhead Belly to Belly suplex. HA!

 HUGE ROCKY SUCKS chants . Followed up big a HUGE ROCKY chant . MAKE UP YOUR MIND PEOPLE .

Heyman . Just being a DICK on the outside, attacking Rock at every fucking chance he gets. As if being in the ring with LESNAR wasn’t enough lol.

DOUBLE NIP UP SPOT .

Rock tries to clothesline Lesnar over. Doesn’t work. Lesnar tells him to try again. Doesn’t work. 3rd time after ducking an attempted Lesnar clothesline and LESNAR GOES DOWN. Sharpshooter attempt and YES! Heyman distracts Rock! Booo… Rock still locks it in. Fans boo. Because it’s fucking shit. LEARN TO DO IT RIGHT YOU NOB. MIZ VS ROCK IN A WORST ATTEMPT AT A POPULAR SUBMISSION HOLD EVER. JOHN “STF-ISH” CENA AS GUEST REFEREE.

Rock, the big man that he is, attacks poor Heyman who is NOT a trained wrestler. What a fucking piece of shit. Lesnar makes him pay with a CHAIR SHOT to the gut though. Lesnar is a true friend .

BEAR HUG. Rock has injured ribs AND just got nailed with a chair. Lesnar put HULK HOGAN out of action with a bear hug. Rock ain’t gonna stand a chance!!!

Rock makes a pretty sweet comeback, and holy fuck Lesnar is bumping around like a GOAT. Rock sends Lesnar face first into the ring post… and then decides to put Heyman through a table! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, ROCK? DON’T BE A BULLY, BE A STAR. Cunt.

ROCK BOTTOM~! LESNAR KICKS OUT!!!

BROCK BOTTOM~! ROCK KICKS OUT!!!

 You know those matches where Rock goes for a People’s Elbow and someone interferes, usually running Rock over? Well, LESNAR does it with a monstrous clothesline here . Fuck anyone else getting involved, BROCK is superhuman and can do it himself!!!

F-5!!! 1…2…3!!! LESNAR IS THE NEW CHAMPION!!! LESNAR IS CHAMPION, AND ROCK IS FUCKING OFF TO HOLLYWOOD! ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!!

 Still a fucking incredible match. Awesome atmosphere, and great effort from BOTH men. Even Rock! Lesnar was fucking BOSS though.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 24

Armageddon 2002

 

The end is near. The 2 out of 3 falls is almost here. God help me.

 

The Dudley Boys Vs Lance Storm & William Regal Vs Booker T & Goldust Vs Chris Jericho & Christian – World Tag Team Championship Elimination Match

Regal and Storm say they are wrestling for respect tonight. The rest are wrestling for the tag titles .

Fuck me look at all the talent in this match. And Booker T.

REGAL VS GOLDU… dammit Christian tagged himself in. CHRISTIAN VS GOLDUS… Jericho comes in seconds later. JERIC… yeah not as appealing as the other 2 combinations tbh lol. Still… GOLDUST .

YOU SON OF A BITCH I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Ha, super awesome moment with Bubba doing his tribute to Dusty side to side with Goldust .

3-D TO CHRISTIAN~! but Regal got a blind tag! Storm hits a leg drop! Regal goes for a cover and then…  WHAT WAS THAT? MEGA BOTCHED PIN .

Then Goldust pins Regal .

So now we are down to GOLDUST and the other dude Vs CHRISTIAN and Jericho.

HOLY INSERT WHATEVER DEITY YOU WORSHIP HERE AT THAT BUMP GOLDUST TAKES ON THE OUTSIDE. He takes a bump into the steel steps, but turns upside down to take it and ends up smashing his back into the steps while landing on his HEAD. Man oh man. OH FUCKING MAN. That was a godly bump.

 Goldust gets a lengthy FIP segment. Christian and Jericho are great working him over. This is what their No Mercy match should have been. Amazed at how highly other people think of it. Even without the ropes breaking and fucking up the finish, it just wasn’t anything special whatsoever. THIS on the other hand is . And this isn’t even the entire match lol.

 at Goldust preventing Christian from launching off the top rope with a title belt in his hands. Guy just fucking lobs himself into the ropes to mke Christian lose his balance . Basically hotshotted himself lol.

Fuck me some super hot near falls in this. I genuinely don’t know who wins this match so I don’t know the finish, so I’ve been getting caught up in everything lol. Booker has nearly has this thing won 3 times and fuck me I bought each time as the finish .

Fuckity fuck me I was sure the match was about to end again lol. Title shot to Booker T’s face, followed by a Lionsault as Christian drags Goldust out of the ring… but Booker kicks out!

BOOKEND! 3 COUNT! NEW TAG CHAMPS!!!! GOLDUST IS WEARING GOLD AGAIN!!! 

Awesome, awesome match. And that was just the Gold T Vs C2 part . Regal & Storm + Dudley Boys part at the start was a ton of fun too, shame it ended with a botchy as fuck pin, but that didn’t exactly ruin much. Whole match is great but the last 2 teams going at it was amazing.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Edge Vs A-Train

So Rey needed more knee surgery (shock, I know) so they had A-TRAIN take him out. Being Rey’s tag partner, A-Train decides to take Edge out too. Yeah I’m not sure myself. But Edge hasn’t quite been taken out so they have a match.

A 62 INCH CHEST AND A HAIRY BACK!

A-Train is powerful and tall, so Edge goes after the legs and uses his quickness to try and stay on top in this one.

A-Train gets back in control thanks to his POWER, goes for a rest hold, then the match turns into a clusterfuck of shit with Edge honestly looking terrible on offence and the commentators getting confused about Albert now being called A-Train.

Edge kicks out of like 2 of A-Train’s finishers, then Train kicks out of the running hug. Then A-Train gets DQ’d when he smashes a chair on Edge’s leg. Well this was weird and pointless.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit

TWO VERY GREAT FRIENDS~! 

Tazz: “I’ve been up and down the road IN CARS with these guys” 

SHADES OF BOB BACKLUND~! 

Honestly, fairly standard stuff for a bulk of this match. Eddie as the heel controls, starts with some arm work then after a hope spot from Benoit, goes after the leg. All picks up with Benoit’s big come back though .

GERMAN SUPLEXES~! Benoit hits about 6 in a row, but it took a bunch out of him + all the leg work, so he takes his time going to the ropes for a headbutt. Eddie starts moving, so Benoit is all “fuck this shit, MOAR GERMANS~!” and land some more German Suplexes. Eddie is all “arrrghhh stop” so he grabs the ropes to escape. So Benoit is like “Hey Eddie, remember that Nitro match we had in 95?” and Eddie is all “huh?” and Benoit is all “FUCKING POWERBOMB BITCH” but Eddie like, remembers in time what happened in 95 and manages to avoid it and decides “fuck it, GERMANS OF MY OWN” and lands some German Suplexes of his own. True story.

Benoit keeps fighting like the RABID WOLVERINE he is, until Chavo Jr decides “hey, these guys are making me look like shit, so amma interfere” and he decks Benoit with the tag title belt. BENOIT AIN’T STAYING DOWN THOUGH. Instead he’s all “I SAID FUCKING POWERBOMB, BITCH!!!” and fucking MURDERS Eddie with a powerbomb .

Chavo tries to get involved again, but gets taken out because he sucks. LOLOLOL.

EDDIE FLIES!!! Back off the top rope when Benoit pushes him . HEADBUTT!!! EDDIE PLAYS POSSUM!!! LASSO FROM EL PASO!!! BENOIT COUNTERS!!! CROSSFACE!!! BUT EDDIE IS FIGHTING TO PREVENT IT FROM BEING LOCKED IN, SO BENOIT SWITCHES SIDES AND GETS EDDIE AWAY FROM THE ROPES!!! TAP OUT!!! 

Great stuff. First half is standard shizzle but the second half is fucking . Evens out nicely. Still currently prefer their Vengeance 03 match though tbh.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

DAWN MARIE AND TORRIE WILSON HOT LESBIAN ACTION~! THEY ACTUALLY KISS. FULL ON. FAP FAP FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

 

Kane Vs Batista

 I never get tired ofthe spot Flair does when he tries to attack the babyface on the outside and is completely useless, then gets scared shitless at the fact before the babyface tries to kill him .

So Batista is green as shit here, but honestly he doesn’t do half bad. His power stuff is all fine; big clotheslines and a pretty sweet spear, and he takes everything Kane had to offer perfectly well too. Nothing close to bad about this one tbh. I rather enjoyed it.  at Batista catching Kane with the Spinebuster. Cool spot.

Flair continues to make his presence felt on the outside, and manages to save Batista from a likely loss after a Chokeslam. BATISTA BOMB!!! And Kane is done. Big win early on in Batista’s career.

Enjoyable .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

 Cena and B SQUARED.

 

Victoria Vs Trish Stratus Vs Jacqueline – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Ha. No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle – WWE Championship Match

Man this starts off super fun. Angle tries to WRESTLE Show, but he’s just too fucking big. Show uses his size and power, which ends up costing him Heyman on the outside, when he accidentally dumps Angle over the ropes right onto his manager! Show is distracted allowing Angle to sneak up from behind and send Show over the ropes!!! Then Show gets back in charge with that POWER again and Angle is pretty good at being tossed around.

Cole talking about Big Show: “I CAN ALMOST PUT 3 OF MY FINGERS IN HIS RING” 

 at the Tornado DDT. Botched to all fuckery.

Angle starts to build some momentum, using moves he wouldn’t normally attempt. MISSILE DROPKICK~! STANDING MOONSAULT… which ends up just being a kick to Show’s head lol.

ANGLE SLAM~! But Show kicks out because he’s a giant and normal finishers don’t work on him or something .

 ANKLE LOCK and Show taps out the second it’s put in but nobody acknowledges it! 

Show kicks Angle off, and the ref dies in the process. HEYMAN IS UP!!! Steel chair in the ring! Fans chant for Brock.

Angle gets the chair first! Show punches the first shot away but gets smashed in the face with the second one! Show kicks out like it was fucking nothing .

Ankle Lock again! Show taps for real but… the referee is apparently dead from trying to count to 3 .

A-TRAIN!!! TRAIN WRECK TO ANGLE! OR IS THAT THE DE-RAILER? I FORGET WHICH IS WHICH. THE COOL BACKBREAKER THINGY HE DOES. THAT MOVE~!

CHOKESLAM~!

LESNAR~!

F-5~!

Angle covers… and we got ourselves a NEW WWE Champion!

So this is a ton of fun. Crazy clusterfuckery type finishing stretch but I liked it a lot. Match before that was good too. Angle desperately trying everything to keep Show down, and Show just powering him around. Good shizzle.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship 2 out of 3 Falls Match – First fall is a street fight, second fall is a cage match, third fall (IF NEEDED LOL) is a ladder match

*sigh* I guess I gotta watch this. Hated it when it happened. Hated it when I re-watched it. Honestly haven’t seen it in probably 8 years. Likely only seen it twice lol. The first time was more than enough. But ever the professional (LOL) I’m gonna watch it anyway!!!

Flair gets send to the back… before the match starts. For no reason at all. Uhhhh ok. There goes the one thing I was looking forward to in this match . NOT FAIR TO FLAIR~!

 Shawn pretty much has a match with a trash can for the first 5 minutes . And it’s better than every other HHH/HBK match ever .

Ton of sloppy shit early on in this one. Ring rust from HBK, or just shitty HHH being shitty HHH? I know which one I’m more likely to side with lol .

HHH has his right quad all taped up. So HBK decides to go after his back instead . Sort of get why he would, because HHH wants to kill HBK’s back and it’s all REVENGE and shit, but come on. HIS LEG IS CLEARLY ALREADY INJURED. KILL IT!!!

 then HHH starts to work on HBK’s leg . YOU WANNA WORK ON MY BACK WHICH ISN’T HURT AT ALL BECAUSE YOUR BACK IS HURT AND I’LL LIKELY GO AFTER IT? WELL FUCK YOU, MY LEG IS HURT SO I’M GONNA GO AFTER YOUR LEG. LOGIC~! 

HHH gets a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire, and is about to hit HBK with it. Then he stops and stands there like a retard for about a minute, before setting it on fire instead.  HBK kicks him and HHH drops the 2×4… and it lands RIGHT NEXT TO THE FANS .

HBK uses it on HHH’s face!!! HHH is only bleeding though . How awesome would this match have been if HHH’s FACE was on fire? HHH RIDER FTW.

HBK nips up!!! But his leg is still fucked so he hobbles back and HHH chop blocks him and lands a Pedigree, picking up the win for the first fall! Well gosh, that was like, a GOOD FINISH. If only that was the end of the match . Second fall time. Steel cage. Just what these guys need; a match in a confined space.

As the cage lowers, HHH throws in a bunch of weapons.  even HHH knows he can’t have a standard cage match with HBK and have it be good. GOTTA USE DEM WEAPONS~!

Oh hey, HBK bladed. Quite clearly . They even show it on the replay .

They both end up fighting on top of the cage, and HHH tells Flair to stack some tables because… I don’t know. If HHH threw HBK off the cage through the tables then yeah, it’d fuck him up… but it would also give HBK the second fall. So uhhh… what? 

FLAIR IN THE CAGE~! FLAIR IS BLEEDING .

 HHH looks to attempt a Pedigree on a steel chair, but accidentally kicks it away while trying to get his footing right .

SUPERKICK~! And Shawn… doesn’t go for the cover. He wants to HURT HHH which is all well and good but come on. HBK has been fucked up during this match and honestly should have just got the win there and then rather than taking a high risk and Crossbody’ing HHH through a table from the cage. At least it paid off… but still .

Third fall time. Great, exactly what we need. Both guys have been killing each other for 20 minutes, so now they have to muster up the energy to CLIMB A LADDER. This won’t be slow as shit…

What’s even BETTER than them sloooowly climbing ladders? DECIDING TO NOT SELL THE LAST 20 MINUTES AND CLIMBING LADDERS LIKE IT’S FUCKING NOTHING!!! YEY!! GOAT MATCH EVER!!!

Oh wait, after fucking off selling, they decide to start selling again and climb slowly. BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!!!

Nice superkick to HHH… then HHH comes back in, knocks HBK off the ladder and OH WOW THOSE TABLES CAME INTO PLAY I DIDN’T NOT SEE THAT COMING!

HHH wins. We don’t.

This is BAD. But in a lot of ways more HILARIOUSLY bad than their HIAC match. Still, I never ever in my life want to sit through this shite again. Was about 25 minutes too long.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10.5