Armageddon 2002 Ramblings

Posted on: June 1st, 2014 by Big Cal

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Armageddon 2002

 

The end is near. The 2 out of 3 falls is almost here. God help me.

 

The Dudley Boys Vs Lance Storm & William Regal Vs Booker T & Goldust Vs Chris Jericho & Christian – World Tag Team Championship Elimination Match

Regal and Storm say they are wrestling for respect tonight. The rest are wrestling for the tag titles :p.

Fuck me look at all the talent in this match. And Booker T.

REGAL VS GOLDU… dammit Christian tagged himself in. CHRISTIAN VS GOLDUS… Jericho comes in seconds later. JERIC… yeah not as appealing as the other 2 combinations tbh lol. Still… GOLDUST :mark:.

YOU SON OF A BITCH I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Ha, super awesome moment with Bubba doing his tribute to Dusty side to side with Goldust :).

3-D TO CHRISTIAN~! but Regal got a blind tag! Storm hits a leg drop! Regal goes for a cover and then… :lmao WHAT WAS THAT? MEGA BOTCHED PIN :lmao.

Then Goldust pins Regal :(.

So now we are down to GOLDUST and the other dude Vs CHRISTIAN and Jericho.

HOLY INSERT WHATEVER DEITY YOU WORSHIP HERE AT THAT BUMP GOLDUST TAKES ON THE OUTSIDE. He takes a bump into the steel steps, but turns upside down to take it and ends up smashing his back into the steps while landing on his HEAD. Man oh man. OH FUCKING MAN. That was a godly bump.

:mark: Goldust gets a lengthy FIP segment. Christian and Jericho are great working him over. This is what their No Mercy match should have been. Amazed at how highly other people think of it. Even without the ropes breaking and fucking up the finish, it just wasn’t anything special whatsoever. THIS on the other hand is :mark:. And this isn’t even the entire match lol.

:mark: at Goldust preventing Christian from launching off the top rope with a title belt in his hands. Guy just fucking lobs himself into the ropes to mke Christian lose his balance :lmao. Basically hotshotted himself lol.

Fuck me some super hot near falls in this. I genuinely don’t know who wins this match so I don’t know the finish, so I’ve been getting caught up in everything lol. Booker has nearly has this thing won 3 times and fuck me I bought each time as the finish :p.

Fuckity fuck me I was sure the match was about to end again lol. Title shot to Booker T’s face, followed by a Lionsault as Christian drags Goldust out of the ring… but Booker kicks out!

BOOKEND! 3 COUNT! NEW TAG CHAMPS!!!! GOLDUST IS WEARING GOLD AGAIN!!! :mark:

Awesome, awesome match. And that was just the Gold T Vs C2 part :mark:. Regal & Storm + Dudley Boys part at the start was a ton of fun too, shame it ended with a botchy as fuck pin, but that didn’t exactly ruin much. Whole match is great but the last 2 teams going at it was amazing.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Edge Vs A-Train

So Rey needed more knee surgery (shock, I know) so they had A-TRAIN take him out. Being Rey’s tag partner, A-Train decides to take Edge out too. Yeah I’m not sure myself. But Edge hasn’t quite been taken out so they have a match.

A 62 INCH CHEST AND A HAIRY BACK!

A-Train is powerful and tall, so Edge goes after the legs and uses his quickness to try and stay on top in this one.

A-Train gets back in control thanks to his POWER, goes for a rest hold, then the match turns into a clusterfuck of shit with Edge honestly looking terrible on offence and the commentators getting confused about Albert now being called A-Train.

Edge kicks out of like 2 of A-Train’s finishers, then Train kicks out of the running hug. Then A-Train gets DQ’d when he smashes a chair on Edge’s leg. Well this was weird and pointless.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Chris Benoit

TWO VERY GREAT FRIENDS~! :lmao

Tazz: “I’ve been up and down the road IN CARS with these guys” :lmao

SHADES OF BOB BACKLUND~! :mark:

Honestly, fairly standard stuff for a bulk of this match. Eddie as the heel controls, starts with some arm work then after a hope spot from Benoit, goes after the leg. All picks up with Benoit’s big come back though :mark:.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~! Benoit hits about 6 in a row, but it took a bunch out of him + all the leg work, so he takes his time going to the ropes for a headbutt. Eddie starts moving, so Benoit is all “fuck this shit, MOAR GERMANS~!” and land some more German Suplexes. Eddie is all “arrrghhh stop” so he grabs the ropes to escape. So Benoit is like “Hey Eddie, remember that Nitro match we had in 95?” and Eddie is all “huh?” and Benoit is all “FUCKING POWERBOMB BITCH” but Eddie like, remembers in time what happened in 95 and manages to avoid it and decides “fuck it, GERMANS OF MY OWN” and lands some German Suplexes of his own. True story.

Benoit keeps fighting like the RABID WOLVERINE he is, until Chavo Jr decides “hey, these guys are making me look like shit, so amma interfere” and he decks Benoit with the tag title belt. BENOIT AIN’T STAYING DOWN THOUGH. Instead he’s all “I SAID FUCKING POWERBOMB, BITCH!!!” and fucking MURDERS Eddie with a powerbomb :mark:.

Chavo tries to get involved again, but gets taken out because he sucks. LOLOLOL.

EDDIE FLIES!!! Back off the top rope when Benoit pushes him :p. HEADBUTT!!! EDDIE PLAYS POSSUM!!! LASSO FROM EL PASO!!! BENOIT COUNTERS!!! CROSSFACE!!! BUT EDDIE IS FIGHTING TO PREVENT IT FROM BEING LOCKED IN, SO BENOIT SWITCHES SIDES AND GETS EDDIE AWAY FROM THE ROPES!!! TAP OUT!!! :mark:

Great stuff. First half is standard shizzle but the second half is fucking :mark:. Evens out nicely. Still currently prefer their Vengeance 03 match though tbh.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

DAWN MARIE AND TORRIE WILSON HOT LESBIAN ACTION~! THEY ACTUALLY KISS. FULL ON. FAP FAP FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

 

Kane Vs Batista

:lmao I never get tired ofthe spot Flair does when he tries to attack the babyface on the outside and is completely useless, then gets scared shitless at the fact before the babyface tries to kill him :p.

So Batista is green as shit here, but honestly he doesn’t do half bad. His power stuff is all fine; big clotheslines and a pretty sweet spear, and he takes everything Kane had to offer perfectly well too. Nothing close to bad about this one tbh. I rather enjoyed it. :mark: at Batista catching Kane with the Spinebuster. Cool spot.

Flair continues to make his presence felt on the outside, and manages to save Batista from a likely loss after a Chokeslam. BATISTA BOMB!!! And Kane is done. Big win early on in Batista’s career.

Enjoyable :).

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

:lmao Cena and B SQUARED.

 

Victoria Vs Trish Stratus Vs Jacqueline – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Ha. No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Big Show Vs Kurt Angle – WWE Championship Match

Man this starts off super fun. Angle tries to WRESTLE Show, but he’s just too fucking big. Show uses his size and power, which ends up costing him Heyman on the outside, when he accidentally dumps Angle over the ropes right onto his manager! Show is distracted allowing Angle to sneak up from behind and send Show over the ropes!!! Then Show gets back in charge with that POWER again and Angle is pretty good at being tossed around.

Cole talking about Big Show: “I CAN ALMOST PUT 3 OF MY FINGERS IN HIS RING” :lmao

:lmao at the Tornado DDT. Botched to all fuckery.

Angle starts to build some momentum, using moves he wouldn’t normally attempt. MISSILE DROPKICK~! STANDING MOONSAULT… which ends up just being a kick to Show’s head lol.

ANGLE SLAM~! But Show kicks out because he’s a giant and normal finishers don’t work on him or something :p.

:lmao ANKLE LOCK and Show taps out the second it’s put in but nobody acknowledges it! :p

Show kicks Angle off, and the ref dies in the process. HEYMAN IS UP!!! Steel chair in the ring! Fans chant for Brock.

Angle gets the chair first! Show punches the first shot away but gets smashed in the face with the second one! Show kicks out like it was fucking nothing :mark:.

Ankle Lock again! Show taps for real but… the referee is apparently dead from trying to count to 3 :lmao.

A-TRAIN!!! TRAIN WRECK TO ANGLE! OR IS THAT THE DE-RAILER? I FORGET WHICH IS WHICH. THE COOL BACKBREAKER THINGY HE DOES. THAT MOVE~!

CHOKESLAM~!

LESNAR~!

F-5~!

Angle covers… and we got ourselves a NEW WWE Champion!

So this is a ton of fun. Crazy clusterfuckery type finishing stretch but I liked it a lot. Match before that was good too. Angle desperately trying everything to keep Show down, and Show just powering him around. Good shizzle.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship 2 out of 3 Falls Match – First fall is a street fight, second fall is a cage match, third fall (IF NEEDED LOL) is a ladder match

*sigh* I guess I gotta watch this. Hated it when it happened. Hated it when I re-watched it. Honestly haven’t seen it in probably 8 years. Likely only seen it twice lol. The first time was more than enough. But ever the professional (LOL) I’m gonna watch it anyway!!!

Flair gets send to the back… before the match starts. For no reason at all. Uhhhh ok. There goes the one thing I was looking forward to in this match :(. NOT FAIR TO FLAIR~!

:lmao Shawn pretty much has a match with a trash can for the first 5 minutes :lmao. And it’s better than every other HHH/HBK match ever :p.

Ton of sloppy shit early on in this one. Ring rust from HBK, or just shitty HHH being shitty HHH? I know which one I’m more likely to side with lol :p.

HHH has his right quad all taped up. So HBK decides to go after his back instead :lmao. Sort of get why he would, because HHH wants to kill HBK’s back and it’s all REVENGE and shit, but come on. HIS LEG IS CLEARLY ALREADY INJURED. KILL IT!!!

:lmao then HHH starts to work on HBK’s leg :lmao. YOU WANNA WORK ON MY BACK WHICH ISN’T HURT AT ALL BECAUSE YOUR BACK IS HURT AND I’LL LIKELY GO AFTER IT? WELL FUCK YOU, MY LEG IS HURT SO I’M GONNA GO AFTER YOUR LEG. LOGIC~! :lmao

HHH gets a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire, and is about to hit HBK with it. Then he stops and stands there like a retard for about a minute, before setting it on fire instead. :lmao HBK kicks him and HHH drops the 2×4… and it lands RIGHT NEXT TO THE FANS :lmao.

HBK uses it on HHH’s face!!! HHH is only bleeding though :(. How awesome would this match have been if HHH’s FACE was on fire? HHH RIDER FTW.

HBK nips up!!! But his leg is still fucked so he hobbles back and HHH chop blocks him and lands a Pedigree, picking up the win for the first fall! Well gosh, that was like, a GOOD FINISH. If only that was the end of the match :|. Second fall time. Steel cage. Just what these guys need; a match in a confined space.

As the cage lowers, HHH throws in a bunch of weapons. :lmao even HHH knows he can’t have a standard cage match with HBK and have it be good. GOTTA USE DEM WEAPONS~!

Oh hey, HBK bladed. Quite clearly :p. They even show it on the replay :lmao.

They both end up fighting on top of the cage, and HHH tells Flair to stack some tables because… I don’t know. If HHH threw HBK off the cage through the tables then yeah, it’d fuck him up… but it would also give HBK the second fall. So uhhh… what? :p

FLAIR IN THE CAGE~! FLAIR IS BLEEDING :lmao.

:lmao HHH looks to attempt a Pedigree on a steel chair, but accidentally kicks it away while trying to get his footing right :p.

SUPERKICK~! And Shawn… doesn’t go for the cover. He wants to HURT HHH which is all well and good but come on. HBK has been fucked up during this match and honestly should have just got the win there and then rather than taking a high risk and Crossbody’ing HHH through a table from the cage. At least it paid off… but still :p.

Third fall time. Great, exactly what we need. Both guys have been killing each other for 20 minutes, so now they have to muster up the energy to CLIMB A LADDER. This won’t be slow as shit…

What’s even BETTER than them sloooowly climbing ladders? DECIDING TO NOT SELL THE LAST 20 MINUTES AND CLIMBING LADDERS LIKE IT’S FUCKING NOTHING!!! YEY!! GOAT MATCH EVER!!!

Oh wait, after fucking off selling, they decide to start selling again and climb slowly. BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!!!

Nice superkick to HHH… then HHH comes back in, knocks HBK off the ladder and OH WOW THOSE TABLES CAME INTO PLAY I DIDN’T NOT SEE THAT COMING!

HHH wins. We don’t.

This is BAD. But in a lot of ways more HILARIOUSLY bad than their HIAC match. Still, I never ever in my life want to sit through this shite again. Was about 25 minutes too long.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10.5

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