Month: October 2014

Vengeance 2004

 

Been about 6 weeks since I last did one of these rambles. Hope this has a couple of good matches so I’m not coming back to a shitty PPV .

 

The Coach & Garrison Cade Vs Tajiri & Rhyno

So the first match involves The Coach and Garrison Cade? Hopefully Tajiri and Rhyno can offset the awfulness lol.

Coach acts all cocky and decides to start the match off… so RHYNO gets in the ring with him, and Coach pretty much shats himself and begs Cade to tag in .

Slow start, then Cade gets angry and slaps Rhyno. He fucking SLAPS RHYNO. Methinks that may have been a mistake. Rhyno fucking unloads on poor Cade with huge rights to the face. Cade gets in a knee to the gut, and Rhyno staggers back for a moment, then screams and fires back with moar shots to the face .

TAJIRI TAGS IN . KICKS COACH ON THE APRON .

Heels gain control and Coach starts to work over TAJIRI. He’s mostly ok, I mean, all things considering, Coach is better than a lot of the current roster . Looks a little awkward doing certain moves but he’s far from bad.

Coach mocks Tajiri by bowing down, after slamming him to the mat… so Tajiri kicks him in the face when he’s bent over . Someone needs to make a super comp of nothing but Tajiri kicking people. I’d buy a 3 disc Bluray set of nothing but that!

HOT TAG~! Rhyno cleans house, then Tajiri makes a blind tag and ignores Cade, instead going right after Coach.

MIST TO CADE~! Tajiri was aiming for Coach but he moved.

GORE TO CADE~! Rhyno was aiming for Coach but he moved.

KICK TO COACH~! Coach couldn’t avoid that, and this is done.

Fun tag to start things off. TAJIRI. RHYNO. Hell, I’m becoming a bit of a Coach mark tbh lol. He was solid in the ring, lots of charisma, played a pretty good heel and got heat. What more do you want?

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Evolution are backstage. Everyone looks confused and worried about the Eugene situation, and demand answers from HHH. HHH has Eugene tagging with Flair tonight for the tag belts I think, lol. They end up arguing over whose turn it was to watch Eugene . Turns out Benoit is talking to Eugene, trying to explain that Evolution are using him. Christ, good luck explaining that to a retard .

 

Chris Jericho Vs Batista

Sweet jebus is this boring lol. Batista works the back of Jericho, and well, he just sits in a couple of different holds for 10 minutes until they pick up the pace going into a finish.

Lionsault is kinda botched lol. Jericho lands it but Batista was supposed to get his knees up… and he does… but Jericho still lands on Batista WHILE his knees are up… just not up where they can HIT Jericho .

Powerbomb. Jericho foot is on ropes. Ref doesn’t see. Match is over. I wasted 10 minutes on this. Wasn’t awful, just dull as fuck.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

MOAR Evolution backstage. Eugene walks in all upset after his conversation with Benoit. HHH uses the fact he heard their conversation to further manipulate him. HHH. Manipulating a retard. And he still ends up getting outsmarted .

HHH has a surprise for Eugene. It’s a Flair robe. at the look on Flair when he hands it over.

 

La Resistance Vs Ric Flair & Eugene – World Tag Team Championship Match

No way can I sit through this .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Matt Hardy – No DQ Match

Well this had potential to be a fun fight. Plus, LITA FAP FAP likely at ringside .

Oh man, the build up to this match . LITA IS CARRYING KANE’S BABY SO SHE CAN’T MARRY MATT HARDY . Someone was watching a soap before coming to work that week…

A year later and in real life, Lita and Matt would break up because she was slutting it up with Edge. HOW DID MATT NOT SEE THAT COMING AFTER THIS?!?! .

Hardy punches Kane and HE’S the one that falls down .

Hardy is wasting no time here anyway. Jumps Kane at the start, punches him over and over, then smashes him in the head with a monitor. Then Hardy ends up taking a pretty sweet bump off the announce table into the barricade . FUN BRAWL so far! Just what I was hoping for .

Kane puts a pretty good beating on Hardy, and Matt takes a few nasty looking bumps too. He’s always overshadowed by Jeff when it comes to being a risk taker in the ring, but Matt takes a bunch of nutty bumps and takes them well and deserves to be noticed.

Kane gets shit on every now and then, and I guess I can see why at times. Sometimes he’s good, sometimes he’s just not lol. But he also should be recognised for taking some of the shots he takes, mainly from weapons. The early shot to the face with the monitor looked full on, and Hardy just smashed him in the face with the ring bell and Kane didn’t look like he protected shit.

YEY LITA . She runs down (bouncy bouncy) to protect Matt from being mauled by Kane and the ring steps. Kane drops them because he doesn’t want to risk his baby getting hurt. He sends Lita out of the ring, grabs the steps again… and Hardy smashes a chair into them! Kane drops, the stairs drop on his head and MATT WINS!!

Yeah, fun brawl. hard hitting, some great shots from both men. I liked.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Randy Orton Vs Edge – Intercontinental Championship Match

Hmmm… this match has me interested. They’ve had some up and down chemistry over the years. Some shite matches, and some really good ones. This one is a match I remember being really good, but I also remember it having a bunch of HEADLOCK SPOTS. Interested to see how I feel about it today.

HUGE “let’s go Orton” chants. And he’s the heel . YOU SUCK, EDGE!

Oh look, they are both doing that criss-cross ropes run thing. For absolutely NO REASON. I hate that spot. Unless it’s part of a comedy routine in a match (which usually isn’t good either, but whatever), it just makes both guys look retarded. Wasting energy running up and down for no reason whatsoever. Morons.

Orton’s leaving! Yey!!!

Edge is bringing him back! Booo!!!

Ha, Orton is doing those clubs to the chest in the ropes that Sheamus does!

Orton applying a hold to Edge. Yep, applying a hold. Not sat in a rest hold! I miss the days when people would do that. You know, work a hold. He’s cranking on the arm and twisting Edge’s neck and looking like he’s actually trying to hurt the guy AND make him tap, rather than sitting there wasting time.

Orton takes one hell of a bump off a baseball slide, where he launches himself backwards and ends up smashing the side of his face into the side of the announce table. Edge is getting in some offence and putting Orton in trouble, and the fans are firmly behind Orton still .

SPEAR ATTEMPT~! COUNTERED WITH A KICK TO THE FACE~! HA~!

And now a “let’s go Edge” chant. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS DAMMIT!!!

Fucks sake lol, they’ve switched back to “let’s go Orton” . He plays it up well being a heel, telling them he doesn’t need their help, and goes back to mauling Edge’s neck.

Here comes the HEADLOCKS~! And man oh man they look WONDERFUL. Orton is WORKING them like a pro, and it makes perfect sense for him to use it too since he’s been targeting that neck of Edge. So happy that the headlocks hold up lol. I was worried that they’d end up like rest holds and my younger self was stupid. BUT I WASN’T SO HA.

Edge tried to rake Orton’s eyes to escape the headlock, but Orton manages to avoid it and BITES HIS FINGERS instead .

They do the old “3 arm drop and this is over” spot… and EDGE’S ARM DROPS THREE TIMES… but the match isn’t over. Because uhhh… he got it up after it dropped? Or because it dropped on Orton rather than the mat? I dunno lol.

Oh man, they have one hell of a finishing stretch. Some great near falls, without overusing bigger moves/finishers. In the end Edge picks up the win and is the new IC champ.

Man, I fucking enjoyed this. Orton looked tremendous in it, as he often did during this time. WORKING those headlocks makes me so inside lol. Edge was fine, he didn’t do anything bad, but Orton was the clear standout of the match for me. Held up extremely well!

Wow, just noticed that the match was over 25 minutes long! That fucking FLEW by. Awesome.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Victoria Vs Molly Holly – WWE Women’s Championship Match

NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Benoit Vs Triple H – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Oh man, the build up to this match. HHH is trying to win back the WHC with the help of a RETARD .

They start out trading basic wrestling holds; headlock takeovers etc, with HHH trying to show Benoit up, then Benoit coming back and doing the same thing to HHH but faster and better. So HHH decides to use his superior power to try and cancel out the superior wrestling ability of the champ. How does that turn out?

CROSSFACE~!

KNEE TO THE FACE~! And that allows HHH to begin his control segment. Love Benoit during HHH’s control segment a hell of a lot more than HHH lol. He bumps tremendously to make HHH’s offence look DEADLY, and I always enjoy how Benoit keeps fighting no matter what, always managing to get in some chops here and there at the very least, making HHH WORK for that control.

Hell even when Benoit starts mounting offence, he looks like he has to FIGHT for everything he gets. Something he likely brings out in people, because he does it to them so he expects it right back. One of the things that made Benoit so damn good. Say what you will about him, but the Mr Kennedy shoot interview is a great watch and him talking about Benoit in the ring is great to listen to as he talks about how Benoit works and always makes you fight for everything.

BRET HART TURNBUCKLE SPOT~! Love that spot. Bret did it wonderfully, and Benoit might have done it better than I’ve ever seen Bret do it here. TWICE. He just runs full on into the turnbuckle and screams in pain like it was the most brutal thing ever. And you can believe it hurt like fuck too because of the speed he went into the damn thing. A very simple but super effective spot.

After those two spots, HHH begins to work over the chest of Benoit, and I love how he sets up a vertical suplex, but switches it up and throws Benoit forward and down on his chest. Smart work, and great looking move too, once again because of how Benoit takes it and sells it.

We get some more of HHH applying holds to wear down Benoit, and Benoit does his awesome selling and constantly trying to fight back, and manages to lock in the same holds to HHH after escaping them, but never being able to do much with them because he’s too hurt to hold HHH in position. Good stuff!

SHARPSHOOTER~!

Maybe I’m looking too much into this whole thing lol (as I tend to do sometimes ), but I love the idea of Benoit trying to use the same holds as HHH to inflict punishment on him as he received, but because of his injury HHH would always counter… but the Sharpshooter allowed Benoit to basically just SIT on HHH and apply the pressure to hurt him and allow Benoit to recover a little and get back into this match.

Fuck me, that was a STUNNING looking suicide dive from Benoit. No surprise that he’s good at that, I guess .

REF BUMP~! HHH calls for Eugene to come out, but before HHH can get him to do anything, Benoit locks in the Crossface! He screams at Eugene to get the referee but Eugene is conflicted. HHH taps! Still no ref… and Eugene looks like he’s gonna get in the ring instead and help HHH… so Benoit DECKS HIM . Benoit is upset that he had to do it, and allows HHH to hit a low blow and Pedigree!

Eugene rolls the referee back in and… KICK OUT~! BENOIT KICKS OUT~!

STEEL CHAIR~! BUT EUGENE TRIES TO TAKE IT AWAY~! HHH KNOCKS DOWN EUGENE~!

Holy shit lol, Benoit just kinda runs into HHH and decks him in the face… with the chair in front of it . Almost like he clotheslined the chair into his face. Looked awesome.

Man, as great as this match has been, the finishing stretch is fucking me off . Eugene. Then Eugene. More Eugene. A steel chair. Evolution run in. Followed by Eugene and a chair. Well, sort of. He has the chair, then spends an hour trying to decide who to hit, before giving up. Benoit tries to fight him for the chair, and in the end Eugene accidentally smashes it in HHH’s face . Roll up, and Benoit retains lol.

Yeah, great match. HHH worked a smart match and Benoit looked like the greatest worker ever during it all. The Eugene stuff at the finish bothers me, mainly because they over used him. Instead of just coming down and doing the chair spot, they tease him doing shit for like 5 minutes in multiple situations and in the end you just want him to fuck off .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10

Bad Blood 2004

 

Jebus, save me from the boredom of the upcoming HIAC match.

Please .

 

La Resistance Vs Edge & Chris Benoit – World Tag Team Championship Match

Wait… didn’t I already watch this? Oh, that was Taboo Tuesday. Why is Benoit going for the tag titles?

I… can’t sit through this again.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Jericho Vs Tyson Tomko

Wow, big match here. So big I’m not worthy of watching it.

WOW. Trish is wearing one hell of an outfit. FAP.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Orton cuts a promo backstage, hears the fans booing him, so he wanders out into the ring to bitch at them . Good stuff. Then Shelton (his opponent for later tonight) shows up and ruins it by trying to cut a promo himself. They end up having their IC title match NOW.

 

Randy Orton Vs Shelton Benjamin – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

So Orton is thrown off his game by having this match start early, allowing Benjamin to dictate the early going of the match, while the fans are BEHIND ORTON. LOL. Nice to see those wins over HHH helped Shelton .

HUGE MOTHERFUCKING POP FOR THE NATURE BOY~! Flair seemingly just decides to come down to ringside because… WOOOOOO! Orton is in control by this point too btw, so he ain’t there to help.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? I *think* Orton hit a European Uppercut… but Shelton apparently thought it was something else because it looked like he took a different move entirely .

ORTON WITH A BATISTA BOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER… WITHOUT BATISTA~! Always liked that move. Does he still do it? I don’t pay much attention to his matches these days and I don’t recall him doing it in the few I have seen recently .

HEADLOCK~!

FEELING SLEEPY~!

BORING~!

YAWN~!

Shelton’s comeback is pretty cool, he does an awesome EXPLODER SHOULDER TACKLE.

STINGER SPLASH~! T-BONE~! FLAIR PUTS ORTON’S FOOT ON THE ROPES~!

STINGER SPLASH TO FLAIR~! Ha, totally thought Shelton was gonna do a Sharpshooter aka Scorpion Death Lock too, but he did a Figure Four instead. No BLACK STING tonight . Wait… BLACK SCORPION? MIND. BLOWN.

CROSS BODY~! ORTON ROLLS THROUGH~! 3 COUNT~!

This was all good except for Orton boring the shit out of everyone with that fucking headlock.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Trish Stratus Vs Lita Vs Gail Kim Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

TRISH still in that FAP FAP outift.

LITA LOOKING ALL FAP.

Cannot be arsed with the match though .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Coach Vs Eugene

I…

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Benoit Vs Kane – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Thank FUCK for this. Knowing what’s still to come in the main event, and the crap I’ve made sure to avoid so far, I’m looking forward to watching something GOOD.

How many people is Kane feuding with at this time btw? Matt Hardy was thrown out of the building earlier to make sure he didn’t interfere in this match. The build up for Eugene/Coach was mainly based around Coach getting Kane to attack Eugene. And of course there is this match too lol. KANE IS A FEUD SLUT~!

Kane attacked Benoit in the tag title match earlier, costing Benoit the possibility of being a double champion, and hurting him going into this match. So Benoit wants to FUCK KANE UP.

Love the story going into this match, revolving around the fact that most of Benoit’s offence WON’T WORK on Kane. We see it early on with Benoit trying to grab the arm and take Kane down, but Kane launches the champ across the ring instead.

“GET UP FLY BOY!” Benoit is FLY!!!

Benoit tries for a German, and Kane screams “NOOOO!!” then elbows Benoit in the face .

Sharpshooter attempt, but Kane powers out of it, then powers out of an attempted Crossface too! They are really working the story perfectly .

*sigh* for all the good stuff this match has, as usual it gets tainted a little by a damn REST HOLD. Hell even the commentators are so bored Lawler starts asking JR how Benoit lost his tooth. JR doesn’t know. I do . His dog headbutted him.

Once they get out of the rest spot crap, we can get back to stuff. In fact the FIRST THING Benoit does after escaping the hold is try to single leg takedown Kane, but Kane blocks it and knocks Benoit down, keeping in with the story of the match!

Going face first into the ring post gives the Crippler a chance to wear down the BIG RED MONSTER, with a bunch of shots to the knee of the big man! Attempted Sharpshooter once more, but Kane is STILL able to power out! MOAR leg work, including Kane getting caught up in the ropes, and Benoit FINALLY locks in the submission!!! Nice pay off to something they’ve been building all match, but remember, this ISN’T Benoit’s main submission finisher.

GERMANS~! Another example of how Benoit has finally worn down Kane enough to start hitting his offence, the same offence that Kane said Benoit couldn’t use on him!!!

But Kane is still pretty damn UNSTOPPABLE. Even after the triple German suplexes, he sits up before Benoit can climb the ropes for a headbutt! ANOTHER 3 GERMAN’S~! HEADBUTT~! KANE IS DOWN! KANE IS DOWN!!!

NO!!! KANE SITS UP AGAIN!!!

Benoit cannot fucking believe it, so it’s time to bring out the BIG stuff. Crossface… no! Kane is still able to power out! CHOKESLAM~!

1~!

2~!

BENOIT KICKS OUT!!! HOLY FUCK .

Now it’s KANE’S turn to be shocked.

FLYING CLOTHESLINE… COUNTERED INTO A CROSSFACE~! Beautiful! Benoit was still unable to take Kane down and lock it in normally, so he used one of Kane’s own signature moves against him!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT~! KANE POWERS OUT OF IT AGAIN!!!

Benoit keeps hold of Kane, and rolls him up instead! 3 count!!! Benoit wins!!! Still the champ!!!

Dull rest hold aside, this rules . But you already knew that . I know I did. Might watch their Raw rematch to see which I prefer. Always remember it being just as good.

Kane’s best match? Well… I’m still partial to his WM 14 match with Taker, but this is right up there too.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – Hell in a Cell Match

HHH claims he’s never lost a HIAC match. I guess he just didn’t win the 6 man from 2000, right?

Oh god look at how long is left on this show. Who the FUCK watched their previous PPV matches from 02 to now and thought “Hey, I know, let’s give them FIFTY FUCKING MINUTES! IT’LL BE GREAT!”? Some retard that’s for sure.

With video package and entrances, this is an HOUR. An hour of TRIPLE H. Vs HBK. Well, I guess now I will finally know the answer to the question “which is worse? HBK/Bret Iron Man or HHH/HBK HIAC?”. Yey.

Urgh, very SLOW AND SLUGGISH brawling to start things off. Benoit/Kane match started with more HATE~! than this. I mean fuck, I swear these guys are in slow motion. In fact, that might explain why this match is so long! It’s ACTUALLY only 25 minutes long, but it’s running at half speed! Wow… even 25 minutes sounds awful though .

Yey methodical back work inside HIAC. Just what the fans wanted…

I’m about 15 minutes into this thing and bored shitless.

OMG WAIT PILEDRIVER ON THE STEEL STEPS .

FUCKING HELL. HHH COUNTERED IT. FUCK YOU HUNTER.

2 SHOTS TO THE HEAD WITH THE STEEL STEPS~! HBK IS FUCKED!

HHH makes the cover and… DAMMIT HBK KICKED OUT.

WHY WON’T THIS END?

Bunch of chair shorts while they both fall down and sleep in between them. BECAUSE THIS IS EPIC.

And now a ladder. Because it makes sense to waste time getting out a ladder which is awkward to use rather than just stick with the steel chair…

ELBOW DROP OFF THE LADDER THROUGH A TAble… bah I cant even pretend to be excited by this. I’m starting to go into a trance brought on by sheer boredom.

Shawn just kicked out of something. The fans went crazy so I assume it was something big. I have no idea. I’m WATCHING the screen but not really seeing it.

Rated R Souper Kick.

Pedigree Chum.

I think the match is finally over. Both guys aren’t moving so I assume one won and is now resting while the other is beaten and also resti… oh wait no. They just decided to nap in the middle of the ring.

Shawn eats some more Pedigree Chum. He doesn’t like it though and HHH wins.

I think I’m blind.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

Taboo Tuesday 2004

 

Ahh, another new PPV added to the schedule in 2004. This time it’s on the Raw side of things, and rather than being a WCW event brought back from the dead.. it’s a new show. On a TUESDAY. Based around people voting for matches and stipulations on the interwebs! For what it’s worth, I liked the concept.

 

We start the show deciding what slutty outfits the divas should wear later tonight . Naughty Nurses, French Maids or School Girls? School Girls win.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Shelton Benjamin – Intercontinental Championship Match

So if I am remembering correctly, Jericho genuinely didn’t know who his opponent was until it was announced, and was told by the referee what the outcome would after the voting results were announced, and Jericho had to ask the referee what Shelton’s finisher was .

Shelton was the fan favourite in the audience, and the voting online was the same! Shelton got 37% of the votes… out of 15 people! Not bad!!!

ARM DRAG~!

ARM DRAG~!

ARM DRAG~!

ENZIGURI~! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!! WHAT? NO? SHELTON KICKED OUT? ISN’T THAT JERICHO’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended that handicap match with Christian and Trish Vs Jericho…

Jericho is working over the back of Shelton, with some nice FOOTBALL kicks (or soccer for you ‘MURICANS) and a backbreaker where he keeps Shelton on his knee and bends him as well as clubs his mid-section for extra effect.

Aaaaand then Shelton hits a superplex.

Jericho MISSES A PUNCH.

BULLDOG~!

MISSED LIONSAULT~!

FLYING CLOTHESLINE~! JERICHO KICKS OUT~! WHAT? ISN’T THAT SHELTON’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended the Flair Vs Shelton match…

LIONSAULT CONNECTS~! Shelton kicks out though. No biggie.

Wait… isn’ THAT Jericho’s finisher? IT IS. And Shelton kicked out of it. And nobody cares.

T-BONE~! SHELTON WINS THE IC TITLE~!

Well this match is…ok. Absolutely nothing special, but a nice little match.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Promos from Edge, Benoit and HBK as they try to get the fans to vote for them into the WHC match later tonight. Edge is angry and after beating HBK and Benoit the night before believes he deserves this shot. Benoit cuts a GOOD PROMO. And HBK tells us he’s injured (which he was).

 

Aaaaand the winner is… HBK. Urgh. HHH Vs HBK. Fuck that shit. I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN EVERYONE WHO VOTED. Edge walks away pissed off.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler Vs Jazz Vs Molly Holly Vs Victoria Vs Nidia Vs Gail Kim – WWE Women’s Championship School Girl Outfit Fulfil Your Fantasy Battle Royal

FAP FAP FAAAAAP Trish looks AMAZING.

Lawler says he wants to go all the way back to kindergarten .

Jazz makes me wanna throw up.

FAP FAP Gail Kim looks great too.

FAP FAP STACY KIEBLER.

And now the entrances are done with… SKIP!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Gene Snitsky – Weapon of Choice Match

this fucking angle. On the surface it was… disturbing, sick and offence. Yet somehow they made it funny .

IT WASN’T MY FAULT~! Snitsky punting a baby into the crowd will always be .

THE ONLY THING DEAD AROUND HERE KANE, IS YOUR BABY~!

The CHAIN is voted as the weapon!

LITA FAP FAP at ringside too.

LOL at the referee just dropping the chain in the middle of them leaving them to fight over it .

And then… Kane throws it out of the ring. Because… PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

Oooook… after punching him in the face for about 20 seconds Kane goes outside and grabs the chain. WHY DIDN’T YOU USE IT TO START WITH?!

PUNCH TO THE FACE WITH THE CHAIN~! That beat UNDERTAKER in the chain match in 03 with Lesnar. Here, Snitsky just sells it like a normal punch .

Snitsky starts whipping Kane with the chain and I’m fairly certain the chain catches Kane in the balls at one point . SNITSKY KILLED THE CHANCE OF ANY MORE KANE BABIES!!!

LITA WANTS SNITSKY TO GO DOWN~!

Plenty of stuff in this match to satisfy people who like to see 2 big bastards beat each other… uhhh maybe I should rephrase that. Later.

DOUBLE BIG BOOT SPOT~! I’m a fan of that spot. Should happen more. Fuck the double clothesline crap.

Snitsky… brings in a steel chair and smashes it in Kane’s throat. And doesn’t get DQ’d. Because… uhhh…

After a few hard shots to the throat of Kane, Snitsky gets the chain again? Kane tries to fight back and Snitsky just fucking MAULS him with shots to the face!!!

CHAIR AROUND THE THROAT OF KANE~! SNITSKY JUMPS OFF THE ROPES ONTO IT~! KANE IS BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH~! THE REFEREE STOPS THE MATCH~! UHHHH OR NOT~! SNITSKY PINS KANE~!

MOST of this is really good. Some dumb moments, like how Snitsky was allowed to use a chair even though the only weapon allowed was the CHAIN, but overall this is a fun big man brawl!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Eric Bischoff Vs Eugene – Choose the Loser’s Fate Match

The loser becomes the winner’s servant or has to wear a dress for a month OR gets their head shaved. But we don’t get the results until AFTER the match. Which I’m skipping straight to .

Bischoff has to shave his head. Vince McMahon ends up coming out to make sure it happens, then randomly makes Coach put in the dress.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

La Resistance Vs Chris Benoit & Edge – World Tag Team Championship Match

So since Benoit and Edge lost a shot at the WHC… they get to face the tag champs instead lol. Normally I’d NO a Lad Resistance match, but it’s BENOIT. Plus Edge is all crazy and this might be good storyline/angle wise.

Match is average really, because La Resistance suck . One of them even manages to fuck up a FLAP JACK. Not the first time that’s happened to someone with Benoit though . At least we go get the nice storyline/character element in the match with Edge being pissed off and also distracted at the same time. At one point Benoit has to grab Edge on the outside and tell him to get back into the match because he’s too busy arguing with fans who likely voted for HBK to be in the main event over him lol.

Oh my god how long does this last? Even Edge gets fed up and fucks off lol.

Benoit beats the tag champs and wins the titles on his own.

Match lasts too long as is dull as fuck for 90% of it.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Christy Hemme Vs Carmella – Lingerie Pillow Fight

So Carmella was the runner up for that diva search crap, and was kept around for a while apparently.

Christy is FAP.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match

What? OH THANK FUCK. Almost had a heart attack when I saw 50 minutes left on the show and thought THIS was the main event. Still got Orton/Flair to go. Phew. Bad enough I gotta sit through this garbage, never mind another 50 minute match between the two. Still got Bad Blood to go though .

So HBK was willing to wrestle a title match on a PPV with his injured leg but wouldn’t even bother with a tag match at a live event I was at in Sheffield? WHAT A SELFISH PRICK .

Ok, the bell rings and… oooo Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is on tonight . No Person of Interest though. Fucks sake America, is it REALLY that hard to have a show run for a full season without having random weeks off ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

Anyway, the match has starts and HHH wants to go for the leg so HBK is fighting him off to save his… leg. Duh. FFS Shawn. He just want for a KICK with the injured leg. HHH caught it and now HBK is fucked. Serves him right for being so damn STUPID.

So this match isn’t BAD. It’s not their typical match because they aren’t trying to have some ***** classic epic ZOMGLEBOB match. This time HBK has the bad leg so it’s just HHH trying to maul the bad like and HBK trying to fight back. And it works. HBK does some dumb shit with the bad leg every now and then, but nothing that makes me wanna call this a horrible steaming pile of shit match lol.

HBK makes the best comeback he can make on one leg, Batista shows up, fails to cause a distraction and HHH gets SUPERKICKED TO HELL. Then EDGE shows up, Spears HBK, and HHH wins.

Like I said, this ain’t bad. It’s also nothing THAT special. Just a solid match… which is still one of their better matches together .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Mr Kennedy sighting backstage.

 

Randy Orton Vs Ric Flair – Steel Cage Match

Orton won the WHC and Evolution kicked him out, then HHH won the title from him. Now Flair wants Orton because… HHH beating him and taking the title from him wasn’t enough? Bah who cares, OLD MAN FLAIR IN A CAGE .

Lawler makes the comment that Flair has probably had more cage matches than Orton has had matches… and when I thought about it… it could actually be true . Orton has only really been wrestling for what, 3 years at this point? Flair would have a cage match with someone at a big event back in the 70’s and 80’s… then do it about 30 more times on house shows around the country. And he did it with more than one opponent over the years too. Then add up actual TV and PPV cage matches with the NWA/Mid-Atlantic, WCW and WWF back in the day, including WAR GAMES too and DAMN, you got a LOT of fucking cage matches!!!

Both guys start off trying to kill each other with punches and chops . Flair with a LOW BLOW right in front of the referee because, fuck it, CAGE MATCH . Then he sends Orton into the side of the cage a bunch of times and Orton is BLEEDING . FLAIR MAULING A BLOODIED ORTON INSIDE A CAGE . FLAIR’S FIST IS COVERED IN ORTON’S BLOOD FROM PUNCHING HIS HEAD .

NOW FLAIR IS BLEEDING~! Once Flair sees his own blood he tries to climb out of the cage, so Orton pulls down his pants and exposes Flair’s arse… something I’ve seen far too much as a wrestling fan .

Orton is pummelling Flair, so Flair has to go back to the LOW BLOW~!

HATE~! Plenty of that here . No fancy bullshit, just both guys bleeding and punching each other in the fucking FACE. Couldn’t have asked for much more tbh.

BRASS KNUCKS~! Orton is KNOCKED OUT!!! But still manages to KICK OUT!!!

“OHHH GOD, OH MY LEG GOD DAMMIT!!!” Flair rules . He manages to grab a chair while attempting to escape, but misses and Orton hits a fucking sweeeeeeet RKO for the win!!!

Yeah this was good shit. They just beat the FUCK out of each other. They both bled. It was exactly what it SHOULD have been. And this is still only the second best cage match Flair would have at Taboo Tuesday!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

The Great American Bash 2004

 

A new PPV added to the WWE schedule! And it was met with… uhhh… not so great reception due to how terrible the event was. Or at least how it’s remembered. BUT is it that awful? Eddie/JBL doesn’t scream “awful” to me. Not after their JD CLASSIC. But the rest of the card? We’ll see…

 

John Cena Vs Rene Dupree Vs RVD Vs Booker T – WWE United States Championship Match

Fuck me look at the LACK OF TALENT in this match . Seriously, outside of a very small handful of matches, Cena sucked around this time. Dupree? Don’t make me laugh. RVD? Could be good but overall not my thing. And Booker T? fuck off.

Well even if I WANTED to sit through this, the file I have to watch it on just crapped out during Cena’s attempted rap.

Ok, 2 days later and I’ve got the NETWORK version of the show. Also…

NO .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Charlie Hass Vs Luther Reigns

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

*sigh* a fucking Chavo match. Their NWO match used to be one of the few Chavo matches I liked. On last watch it wasn’t good. This is usually considered his best… fuck knows what I’ll end up thinking of it now .

the referee gets a 2 count from THIS:

WELL DONE MINI FLAIR. I don’t blame him though, I’d have counted too in hopes of ending this match and not having to sit through CHAVO any more .

Rey starts kicking Chavo’s legs and it allows him to build momentum… so he then switches up and goes after the arm. Despite the fact he was just working over the leg. WHAT?

Chavo DROPKICKS Rey off the ropes to the floor. LOL, of course it was a dropkick…

So Chavo is building momentum and… goes after Rey’s legs! Cuts 99% of Rey’s offence if he can’t walk so it’s smart, plus knee surgeries and shit too. Plus Chavo probably remembered how much his leg was bothering him a few minutes earlier when Rey went after it… before moving to the arm for NO REASON.

Fuck me I’m bitching at REY in a CHAVO match. Hold on, need to see if hell froze over…

Yep. Cold as fuck down there.

COLE CONFUSED A BULLDOG WITH A DDT.

Chavo actually looks… some what kinda barely sorta a little bit not so terribly shite in this! His attack to Rey’s legs is pretty gosh darn awesome, plenty of varied offence thrown in too. And Rey, well he’s Rey. Great selling, wonderful hope spots, and all round goodness.

They battle on the top rope at one point and meh, it’s pretty shitty tbh. They were positioned as if they were gonna do a superplex to the floor rather than in the ring, then grabbed hold of each other’s head and jumped into the ring and smashed each other face first and it looked sooo fucking FAKE lol.

Rey does well selling his leg while still being able to get some of his usual offence in. He holds his leg while trying to run, then when he does bounce off the ropes and hits something he tends to roll away from Chavo and hold the leg again rather than follow up or even make a cover.

GORY BOMB~!

Chavo actually still selling his ARM at this point too btw. Rey didn’t do much to it earlier in the match, but Chavo did ram it into the ring post at one point during a Rey hope spot, so nice of him to still show that it’s bothering him at points when it makes sense to.

I keep complimenting Chavo. I FEEL SO DIRTY.

WEST COAST POP COUNTERED INTO A SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB~!

Rey holds on for a good while, then finally makes it to the ropes and the fans are on fucking FIRE for it!!!

Another Gory Bomb attempt, but Rey counters into a sunset flip and gets the 3!!! CHAVO LOSES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Great match! Thank FUCK this ended up being great! Would hate to think I’d sat through a Chavo match for it to be shitty. Best Chavo singles match? Can’t think of anything better atm.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Kenso Susuki Vs Billy Gunn

this is a fucking PPV match?

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

PAUL HEYMAN . HE’S GOT PAUL BEARER TIED UP~!

 

Sable Vs Torrie Wilson

FAP

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Mordecai Vs Hardcore Holly

Holly goes right after Mordecai and beats the FUCK out of him lol. The on the outside Mordecai throws Holly into his cross thingy and follows up with a vicious clothesline on the floor.

Still makes me that this guy was supposed to be built as a big opponent for Undertaker. Seeing him again makes me wonder why people liked his gimmick. He just comes out in a white robe with a cross and… uhhh… that’s about it really. His in ring work? Nothing horrible, but nothing amazing either. Decentish brawler, but oh look, REST HOLDS.

at the spot where they bump heads .

Nice little finishing stretch from these two, as they both hit some nice high impact moves and take turns at kicking out of shit. Enjoyed the actual finish too, Mordecai turning an Alabama Slam into a RAZOR’S EDGE.

This was a fine little match tbh. Needed less rest holds from Mordecai, but they didn’t last long at least.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs JBL – WWE Championship Texas Bull Rope Match

their JD match was fucking INCREDIBLE and I have high hopes for this too. On previous watches its not been as good as JD, but still a great match so hopefully it holds up .

Tony Chimmel reading the rules of the match makes me wanna shoot myself lol. He’s reading off a fucking card and STILL fucks up .

the rope comes off Eddie within about a minute .

Match really starts off awkward. Ropes comes off Eddie’s arm, Eddie gets caught up in the rope a couple of times, and it has the makings of being a MESS of a match. BUT it quickly switches from awkward to good . Mainly because they start trying to wrestle a normal match for the most part without using the rope to strangle each other and shit lol.

JBL’s punches .

JBL just dropping to the floor so Eddie can barely move him when he tries to touch the corners and win .

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

Tree of woe in the corner, then JBL uses the rope to choke the hell out of Eddie! BRUTAL~!

JBL tries to fucking POWERBOMB Eddie from one announce table to the other, but Eddie slides away, wraps the rope around JBL’s leg and trips him up, causing Bradshaw to fall back first onto the table!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

Eddie using the rope to his advantage, sending JBL into the ring post multiple times!!!

shades of JD with the SICK chair shot… only this time it’s EDDIE nailing JBL in the face! Eddie has a sweeeeet smile on his face afterwards, and JBL is BLEEDING .

Another chair shot to JBL!!! Eddie touches 3 corners, but again JBL drops down to make it harder on Eddie, and even wraps his legs around the ring ropes to prevent Eddie from hitting number 4!

Eddie tries again, and makes it to 3 once more, but JBL desperately grabs hold of the ring ropes to keep Eddie from victory.

JBL’s power gets him back in control, mainly thanks to those big right hands. Eddie tries to use his SPEED to hit all 4 corners before JBL can really know what’s happening, but again JBL uses his power to stop Eddie.

FROG SPLASH~!

Again Eddie gets 3, and this time JBL rolls OUTSIDE of the ring and just collapses on the floor, with the rope not being long enough for Eddie to reach the last corner!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

JBL LAUNCHES EDDIE OFF THE APRON ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE USING THE ROPE AROUND HIS NECK!!! THE TABLE DOESN’T BREAK~!

POWERBOMB THROUGH THE FUCKING TABLE~! It broke that time!!!

JBL gets Eddie back into the ring. He’s bleeding, but has a HUGE smile on his face because he thinks he has this match WON now. Just like Eddie, he gets 3 corners and EDDIE drops to the mat and grabs the ropes, just as JBL did multiple times in the match!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

EDDIE FIRES UP~!

Eddie starts touching corners, but JBL does it right after him for each one too! Both have 3 (though the first light for JBL doesn’t work ), and now it’s a battle for #4!!!

Guerrero dives into the corner and hits the turnbuckle and retains his title! EDDIE WINS! EDDIE WINS!

Wait! Angle shows up, and explains that JBL is in fact the winner!!! What?!?! We get a replay, and it shows us JBL hitting the corner FIRST!

HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A NEW WWE CHAMPION! JBL IS THE NEW WWE CHAMPION!! BOOOOOOO!

Absolutely HATED the decision for this lol. Hated JBL at the time and wanted Eddie to hold the belt for a long arse time. Looking back I STILL want Eddie to win, but I’ve grown to love JBL too.

Match is great. Starts off a mess, but they quickly get into their groove and work within the limitations of a Bull Rope match to give us something DAMN FUCKING GOOD.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

The Undertaker Vs The Dudley Boys – Concrete Crypt Match

For all the hate this entire angle gets, I kinda like it. Heyman motivates The Dudley Boys and they team up. Dudleys kidnap Paul Bearer to gain control of THE URN and force Undertaker to join them. And if he doesn’t do what they want, they’ll hurt Bearer. And then we get to this match. If Undertaker doesn’t DO THE RIGHT THING aka PUT OVER THE DUDLEY BOYS, then Heyman is going to KILL Paul Bearer by pouring concrete into a crypt which Paul Bearer will be locked inside!!!

Absolutely CRAZY concept yes, but the MATCH is what counts, not the insane potential murder after the match .

To help motivate Undertaker before the match, Heyman pours some concrete into the crypt to cover Bearer’s feet! Bubba then gets in Undertaker’s face and tells him to LAY DOWN. The Dead Man is conflicted, looking over at Bearer constantly, then finally ACTUALLY LAYING DOWN!!!

Bubba goes for a cover, but Undertaker grabs him by the throat!!! Then Devon runs in and gets caught too, but Heyman distracts him and the Dudley’s begin to beat down the Dead Man for daring to defy them!!!

UNDERTAKER is fucking PISSED though and takes it to both of the tag team champs! OLD SCHOOL~! But before he can jump off the ropes, Heyman screams BAD DOG at him and pours more concrete into the crypt!!! Now Bearer is covered in concrete up to his tits!!!

Dudley Boys keep trying to beat down Undertaker but he can’t stay down and let 2 men beat him up so he continues to fight back, and Heyman pulls the lever again and intends to END Bearer for good!!! However Bubba pulls it back up and tells Heyman that he and Devon are gonna get the job done themselves!!!

The distraction from Heyman and Bearer, along with the numbers game, finally catches up to the Dead Man and now he’s in the fight of his life. Or Bearer’s life, anyway .

UNDERTAKER COMEBACK~!

LOW BLOW~!

Heyman thinks the Dudleys are back in full control and comes to ringside, only for Undertaker to sit up right in front of him! CHOKESLAM TO BUBBA! TOMBSTONE TO DEVON! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!

Heyman ain’t happy. Undertaker didn’t DO THE RIGHT THING, so he has to kill the one person Undertaker cares about! LIGHTING BOLT!!! Undertaker shoots a lightning bolt to prevent Heyman from pulling the lever!

The Dead Man goes after Heyman… then looks over at Bearer…

“PAUL. I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. REST. IN. PEACE.”

UNDERTAKER PULLS THE LEVER!!! UNDERTAKER KILLS PAUL BEARER!!! WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!??!

I’ve heard people complain about this or be confused as fuck about this… which confuses me because IT AIN’T ROCKET SCIENCE YOU DUMB CUNTS. For weeks, Dudleys and Heyman were able to CONTROL The Undertaker through Paul Bearer. They made it perfectly clear to the world that Bearer is the only person Undertaker cares about. So when the time came for Undertaker to save his friend or kill him off… Undertaker decided to kill him off because HE WAS HIS ONE WEAKNESS. Even if Undertaker saved him, what would stop the next guy from trying to pull the same stunt? How many other people would come after Bearer to control Undertaker? Undertaker DID THE RIGHT THING.

In ring action ain’t THAT good really, gets dull with the Dudleys working over Undertaker, but the angle for the match and the stuff with Heyman makes up for that imo. I like this, and while it isn’t anything special, it’s certainly NOT BAD AT ALL.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 6.5