I said in my Unforgiven 00 ramblings yesterday that the summer of 2000 was soooo much fun. So figured I’d watch SummerSlam.
Rikishi & 2 Cool Vs Right to Censor
Rikishi & 2 Cool have a couple of HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs with them. One of them is Victoria.
Did you say SCOTTY CROSSBODY?
Yes, yes he did.
Ouch at a bump the Goodfather takes over the ropes. Something gets caught and then snaps when he least expects it to and he just flops down to the floor with a splat. So he pushes the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs down as revenge. Then trips over GMS in the ring as he goes to make a tag .
Rikishi is the guy that gets the hot tag and throws RTC around, and Steven Richards tries to run for it, only to be thrown back in by the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs. He doesn’t know how lucky he is, do you have any idea how much you gotta pay to have a HOOOOOOOOOOOO get rough with you? Neither do I of course. Andy told me. Honest. *runs*
Rikishi launching 2 Cool arse first into people is awesome.
Remember that WWF Title match on the first SD with HHH and The Rock (first SD either the pilot episode or the first official episode, I forget which) with HBK as the guest referee? Well picture Steven Richards as HBK (which is mildly amusing to me because I remember he came into the WWE as a HBK impersonator lol) and Scotty 2 Hotty as The Rock and The Worm as The People’s Elbow. SUPERKICK! RTC win.
Fun opener, nothing more. Nobodies pants fell down so I just can’t rate it that high.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Kurt Angle arrives at the arena earlier. Then Stephanie does. She looks smoking hot. Kurt Angle goes into her locker room. 3 days after he kissed her. HE GONNA GET HIM SOME.
Road Dogg Vs X-Pac
OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW? I quite liked the feud between these 2. Starts off with the “friendly rivalry”, then “accidentally” gets more physical and before long they wanna go at it. X-Pac may have had the so called X-Pac heat (you know, where as a heel he got booed and shit…), but I loved him and Road Dogg too. Road Dogg should have been given a singles push at this time imo. IC title FTW. Always thought he was underrated in the ring, and listening to his shoots over the years I think even HE underrates his own ability. Terry Funk once said he could have been the single greatest promo guy ever if he didn’t stick with his same schtick every night, and I can’t say I disagree with THE FUNKER.
OMG X-PAC IS GETTING X-PAC SUCKS CHANTS HE’S GETTING SOME MAJOR X-PAC HEAT RIGHT NOW OMG.
A couple of nice spots here and there playing off the fact they know each other really well, but the match overall isn’t anything special. Not that it’s bad, because it’s not, it’s just a filler mid-card match that honestly didn’t get the time and attention that I personally think it should have gotten. It was fucking DX guys fighting each other. Could have done more with it imo.
Road Dogg turns on X-Pac afterwards because X-Pac cheated to win, and thus begins Road Dogg’s rise to… nowhere . I still enjoy this though.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
JR tells us where he ate last night. Thanks JR. I’ve just eaten right now. And it’s almost come back up because Chyna is on screen. Urgh. Things pick up when Trish appears. FAP FAP not as hot as Lita FAP FAP.
Val Venis & Trish Stratus Vs Eddie Guerrero & Chyna – Intercontinental Championship
Tag match for the IC title. Eddie & Chyna can pin either opponent to win the belt. But Trish can’t win it for herself if she pins someone. Shame. Trish as IC champ in 2000 would have been hilarious.
I KEEP THINKING SOMEONE IS KNOCKING AT THE DOOR BUT IT’S THOSE LETTERS FLYING ACROSS THE SCREEN ISN’T IT?
Lawler has lost it. But he recovers by implying he wants to fuck Trish. Nice save, Jerry. And nice ass, Trish.
Damn, Chyna has some pretty sweet looking… CLOTHESLINES. You sick freaks who thought I was gonna say something else. I’d say it LOOKED like she nearly beheaded poor Val a few times, but she probably nearly did for real because she doesn’t strike me as being a good enough worker to make those looks painful without actually being painful.
Eddie gets the hot tag and takes it to Val, then almost instinctively runs to attack the person on the apron which in this case happens to be Trish. He doesn’t hit her, instead he kinda thrusts his penis in her direction and goes back to attacking Val .
Trish comes in right at the end, gets a 2 count on Eddie get takes an awesome bump when she clotheslines Chyna. Yep, she clotheslines Chyna and takes the bump. Not a botch, just showing that she’s no match for Chyna. Body press slam later and… Chyna is the IC champ. Again. Val is pissed off. Trish got some apologising to do!
Good match. Even with the bulk of it being Chyna in the ring it still has VAL doing his shit and then Eddie in parts. Plus Trish looks fucking smoking hot. I like this one. I like Trish too.
CAL SCALE – 1
Chyna likes Mick Foley’s worm. Foley steals cookies from a fan. I wish WWF New York was still around. Looked like the most awesome place ever.
Stephanie backstage. She liked Kurt’s kiss. She’s hot.
JR is talking about sweets. He has a jar of them on the table.
Jerry “The King” Lawler Vs Tazz
Damn, Tazz’s insults about JR’s bells palsy are really below the belt. Bet Vince had a hand in those promos. Feud is pretty much JR Vs Tazz with Lawler coming to Ross’ aid.
Match is definitely better than their UF match. Lots of great punches from one of the best punchers in the business, and Tazz ain’t no slouch with everything he does either. Don’t like the Piledriver no sell spot here just as I hated it at IF. Though Tazz almost saved it with the FUCK YOU to Lawler afterwards lol.
Tazzmission to Lawler while the ref is down, so JR… FUCKING JR grabs the formally mentions sweetie jar and smashes it over Tazz’s face and Lawler gets the win!!! Crowd absolutely ERUPT when JR does it. Awesome.
Fun match. Short and to the point. Good for what it was. Me likey.
CAL SCALE – 1
Shane McMahon Vs Steve Blackman – Hardcore Championship
. GOAT Hardcore champion Steve Blackman (who isn’t the champ going into this match though) and Shane “bump like a crazy mofo” McMahon… in a HARDCORE MATCH? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
at the opening spot. Blackman gives Shane the Kendo stick, turns his back and offers a free shot. Except Blackman is facing the fucking TITANTRON so he can see Shane coming and block the shot. SHANE O’MAC GONNA GET HIS ASS KICK, SHANE O’MAC GONNA GET HIS WIG SPLIT.
JR and Lawler are just having so much fucking fun on commentary. I miss those days.
Blackman is having so much fun in the ring too. Mainly with sticks and a trash can/trash can lid. The hardcore title division really was PERFECT for a guy like Blackman. He wasn’t a colourful guy with great mic skills, but he got over like a motherfucker by hitting people with weapons and that’s essentially what the hardcore division was all about.
Test and Albert show up to save Shane, and Lawler think’s it’s Edge & Christian . So who did he mistake Albert for? Edge? Christian? LOL!
Blackman gets gang raped by 3 guys, but manages to stay alive and eventually mounts some offense and takes out fucking everyone! Damn, this really, really put over both Blackman and the Hardcore title. Kinda wish they took it a little more seriously but ah well. Certainly the funnest title belt ever imo.
So everyone knows the finish. Shane tries to escape Blackman by climbing the staging, which is super fucking high, and Blackman follows him and knocks him off!!! AMAZING SPOT. I still remember seeing it for the first time. Rewound that VHS so many damn times that night! And THEN Blackman drops an elbow onto Shane afterwards? Like he fucking needed to? Awesome. Blackman wins back HIS title. Immensely fun match. Super awesome. Great finish too.
CAL SCALE – 2
at how many signs are in the crowd that say *insert name here* is gay. Ahhh the AE. Full of homophobic cunts! These days we get Darren Young Is Gay signs and it’s a good thing!
Stephanie is upset after what happened to Shane, and Angle comes to hug her. Foley walks in and catches them and Angle practically throws himself into a wall .
Chris Jericho Vs Chris Benoit – 2 out of 3 falls Match
I like a LOT of matches between these guys. I enjoyed their feud in 00/01. I just never liked THIS match. Hope this watch changes my mind tbh.
Starts off GOOD. They hate each other so they just charge at each other fists a flying. Hell even the ref ends up taking a pretty sick bump to the floor when he gets caught between them. Lands right on his HEAD. Speaking of, FLAPJACK INTO THE RING POST. Benoit is super. Jericho’s head is super broken.
First fall isn’t long, with Jericho tapping out to the Crossface. However it WAS a good fall. Plenty of fucking HATE~!
Second fall starts with Benoit locking in the Crossface again straight away. Yet this time Jericho manages to hold on even longer… AND get to the ropes. Uhhh ok. Makes no sense lol.
Benoit dominates the second fall, and I kinda love Jericho’s comebacks. Nothing but SLAPS TO THE FUCKING FACE. Didn’t care for the finish of the second fall. Jericho gets his arm worked over the entire second fall yet somehow manages to apply the Walls of Jericho no problem, hold Benoit in the hold and make him tap. Uhhhh ok.
So yeah, still don’t think much to this match. First fall is great. It’s full of HATE~! and doesn’t last long because honestly it didn’t need to. They both went all out to kill each other and in a situation like that a fight wouldn’t last too long either. Second fall sees Benoit work the arm of Jericho, and it’s ok, but not awe-inspiring or anything. Finish was shitty. 3rd fall is Jericho trying everything he can to keep the momentum up from the second fall victory… and that’s about it. A couple of big moves with some filler then Benoit wins. Eh. First fall is honestly the only fall that mattered. Disappointed yet again despite going into the match remembering it not being that good.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Edge & Christian Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys – TLC Tag Team Titles Match
First ever TLC match . This was when guys going out and falling off ladders through tables was new and fun. In WWF anyway. WM 2000 triangle ladder match was essentially a TLC match minus the TLC name. And it was awesome. A big fan of it I am. Much prefer that to the same kind of match a year later at WM 17 (aka TLC II). This one though? Always had a high opinion of it. Better than the WM 2000 match? Never really sure. Time to find out!
WM 2000 match provided plenty of new, unique spots due to having 3 teams in a ladder match. They slowly used tables and chairs in that one, but here all 3 are main parts of the match so everything is brought in pretty much straight away allowing for MOAR spots using them, which is super fun for the fans watching! Don’t like Lawler calling E&C the chairmen of the WWE. STEALINGZ LA PARKA’S GIMMICK!!! Hey Jesse; La Parka Vs Christian. Just throwing it out there. Go fap over the thought of it or something. You’re welcome .
Do these guys care? Do they give a flying fuck in the slightest? Seriously? Do they remotely give a damn about their own fucking HEALTH? Because good god, I cringed numerous times at some of the spots here. Jeff happily flies off a ladder onto another ladder and lands oh so wrong on it. Matt nearly gets his face crushed in the same spot that WOULD crush poor Mercury’s face 6 years later. Everyone just gets HURT and take so many stupid yet awesome looking risks. Bubba going off the ladder over the ropes through 4 tables is awesome. And leads to a feud between The Dudley Boys and Kai-En-Tai. Doesn’t get better than that. *Japanese Accent* THREEEE DEEEEE!
LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP LITA LITA FAP FAP FAP LITA LITA FAP FAP. She knocks E&C crotch first off the ladder. So Edge Spear’s her in return. CROTCH. SPEAR. EDGE. LITA. I GET IT!!!
Match holds up pretty damn good. Far better than TLC II ever could. Even though every spot has been done a billion times now, there is just something about THIS match that keeps me loving everything time and time again. Crazy spots, LITA, fun, entertaining, sick bumps. You name it this match has it. Jeff and Devon battling over the title belts while HANGING FROM THEM is awesome. Not sure still if I like it more than WM 2000 though lol .
CAL SCALE – 6
The Kat Vs Terri – Thong Stinkface Match
Yes, this is a thing. And my thing is loving The Kat. Terri has a good body but fuck, her face looks like 100 years old.
It’s terrible, oobviously but I can’t hate it. I just can’t. 2 hot women trying to shove their arses in each other’s face. I just can’t hate that.
CAL SCALE – 0
The Undertaker Vs Kane
The fuck was this feud all about? I AM A MONSTER! And that’s the ONLY explanation we got for Kane turning on Undertaker. HUH? Aside from the dumb logic I enjoyed everything they did. CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE RING .
So 2 big bastards beat the shit out of each other. Yeah I’m down with that. Aside from trying to punch Kane’s face to death he also keeps trying to get the mask off, which just angers Kane. The guy who CHOKESLAMMED HIM THROUGH THE RING. Not wise lol. Poor Kane ends up taking 2 sick looking shots to the face from the steel steps. Ouch. Kane gets busted open and I’m not entirely sure it was a blade job tbh.
They brawl some more and then Undertaker pulls the mask off and Kane runs to the back covering his face. Ok. Fun brawl, but that’s about it. Their NOC FIGHT was better than this imo, and of course WM 14 was better because that was awesome. And SD 08 too duh.
CAL SCALE – 1
The Rock Vs Triple H Vs Kurt Angle – WWF Championship
Storyline going into this was AWESOME. Loved it. Adored it. Masturbated to (Stephanie) it. Then this match happened. And it almost ruined everything because it fucking SUCKED. Will I like it more this time around? Probably not but hey, optimising and shit!
HHH and Angle fight while The Rock, the uber babyface, the people’s champion, the WWF champion, sits in the back like a fucking coward because he doesn’t want to fight 2 men. Pathetic. Angle goes head first into the floor when the announce table dies on him during a Pedigree and is legit knocked out. And this is where Angle’s brain dies and he slowly starts becoming an annoying fucker in the ring who couldn’t tell a damn story to save his fucking life unless someone smart was wrestling with him (Benoit WAS smart but we all know what was up with HIS brain so I guess we can excuse him there. Wrestling wise, not family murdering wise, obviously).
So with Angle taken out, Rock decides to show his face finally. Cowardly cunt.
DAMN, Stephanie looks smoking fucking hot. She comes down to the ring after Kurt gets taken away and her tits just bounce all the way down the ramp as she walks. She also decks HHH in the face with the title belt. GOAT DIVA NOT NAMED LITA (FAP FAP). OR MICKIE JAMES (FAP FAP). OR TRISH (FAP FAP).
HHH is a cunt. An absolute cunt. He sends Stephanie away . Now I’m stuck watching him pretend he’s awesome and The Rock pretending he’s a wrestler. Bah.
I like how the match is No DQ but JR is going fucking apeshit because HHH uses the Sledgehammer. Like the RR street fight with the barbed wire 2×4. IT’S NO DQ JR, SLEDGEHAMMER AND BARBED WIRE 2X4 ARE PERFECTLY LEGAL. Good job he’s the most awesome commentator of all time or I’d rip him a new one.
Fuck me this is DULL. HHH and Rock, ok, aren’t my favourites. Rock is right there as one of my least favourites ever, if not THE. But in 2000 they did have great chemistry. Backlash match is AWESOME. JD Iron Man is AWESOME. I thought an hour long match involving ROCK AND HHH was awesome. That’s insane, but true. Yet here, these guys just fucking BLOW. And not in the way I want Stephanie to blow (me).
STEPHANIE HOT TITS IS BACK FAP FAP FAP!!! Dammit she’s brought Angle back too. BOOOO. Stephanie should be PUNISHED for that. I’ll do it.
So Stephanie FAP FAP HOT TITS uses her sexy body to convince Angle to come back and help HHH. So Kurt comes back and screws HHH out of the title. LOL. So HHH decks her pretty little face. What a women beating cunt. Steve Austin would never do that! Oh wait…
Rock wins. Fun times were had by nobody. This sucked. They had a better triple threat on both Raw and Smackdown around this time.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Overall CAL SCALE – 13