Judgment Day 2000
LIFE SUUUUCKS, AND THEN YOU DIE!
We’ve had matches start PPV’s. We’ve had in ring promos start PPV’s. Neither are the case here. Instead we get… A BACKSTAGE SEGMENT. Vince McMahon giving a big speech to the regime. Then Brisco gets attacked because he’s the hardcore champion. Then HBK walks down a hall way. EXCITING STUFF.
2 Cool & Rikishi Vs Edge & Christian & Kurt Angle
Kurt’s been getting a lot of attention from teenage girls. Cody now wishes he was Kurt.
Poor Kurt. Stumbles throughout his entire promo. It amuses me though.
THE JUG BAND~!
Rikishi setting up 2 Cool and sending them out to do butt splashes in the corner always makes me smile. You know that video with… uhhh… dammit I can’t remember who exactly. Big Japanese star. Anyway, there’s a video with like, everyone all in a line to take a SLAP TO THE FACE from this guy, just because he’s a fucking legend. We should have something similar with everyone lined up so Rikishi can spank their arse and whip them into the corner for a running bum splash. Would be the greatest thing ever.
Comedy spot after comedy spot here, ending with quite possibly the biggest, the best, the single most awesome comedy moment in the history of wrestling…
GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! HIS PANTS CAME DOWN! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, HIS WORM HIS SMALL!
Scotty jumping into the ring to laugh and make fun of GMS’ penis is amazing.
OMG I JUST NOTICED TEDDY LONG. He’s the referee. For a tag match. A six man tag match. I’m surprised he’s able to move around with the obvious hard on he’s got from being involved in this contest. I bet his worm isn’t small.
Angle gets a face full of the Kish’s Crack. Edge tries to show off his worm but Scotty’s beats him. ASS. WORM. PENIS. SEX.
End to the match is botched I think. Angle breaks up the pin but Teddy blows his load early and the match ends.
Ton of fun, plenty of awesome little spots and moments, and a molten crowd. I still don’t think it’s the most amazing thing ever, but good god it’s fun. Plus, you know, PANTS FALLING DOWN!!!
CAL SCALE – 2
WELL LORD KNOWS, IF IT’S ON THE INTERNET, IT’S GOT TO BE TRUE.
Eddie Guerrero Vs Dean Malenko Vs Perry Saturn – WWF European Championship
I LIKE PERRY SATURN. GUY COULD WATCH A TENNIS MATCH WITHOUT MOVING HIS HEAD .
Last match had a molten crowd. Think it’s safe to say they all melted away because they don’t give a fuck about this one lol.
How can 3 guys with this kind of talent have a match together and just SUCK? Miscommunications, botches, and some utter DUMB shit that makes no sense from a kayfabe standpoint in a triple threat match.
This match in 4 words: 3 guys hit moves.
Eddie retains the belt. The world doesn’t care.
CAL SCALE – 0
at Brisco sneaking around backstage avoiding anyone incase they try to steal his title. at him shitting himself at a mirror. at him winning the belt by pinning Crash while he was asleep. God I miss the hardcore title.
The Big Show Vs Shane McMahon – No Holds Barred
WHICH WAY DID HE GO? WHICH WAY DID HE GO?
Thinking about it, Show didn’t go anywhere. Like, quite literally. He gets taken out at the end of this match and gets stuck in OVW… which is conveniently located in the same place this PPV is taking place!
SHANE O’MAC. GIANT KILLER. SIMBA!
Big Show’s “entertaining” gimmick theme is terrible.
TODD FOGLE… IS A FAG!!! Ahh the days when signs weren’t confiscated.
Show is kicking Shane’s arse. Quite literally. Shane is doing the old Mr Perfect bumping thingy where he goes to all 4 sides of the ring and takes crazy backwards bumps. Not nearly as good as Mr Perfect but whatyagonnado?
BOSSMAN AND BUCHANAN. Big Show fucking POWERBOMBED THE BOSSMAN. T&A!!! WMD to the chairs! TRISH! FAP FAP! BIG SHOW TOSSES HER RIGHT ONTO THE FACE OF T&A.
Damn Show just looks fucking UNSTOPPABLE. Shane is getting mauled.
Show breaks off part of the JD stage, and really makes it out like it takes effort to lift it up. Test comes along and just fucking rips it off the ground like it weighs bugger all… because, you know, it does.
In the end it takes T&A, Bossman & Buchanan, Shane, a night stick, a speaker box dropped on his leg and a concrete block smashed over his head to finally put away the giant. And now he’s off to OVW to learn how to work .
Tremendously awesome fun. Shane rules. Show Vs The World rules.
CAL SCALE – 2
Chris Benoit Vs Chris Jericho – Intercontinental Championship Submission Match
Man, Benoit was booked as a badass heel back in the day. HE’S the fucking champion and HE issued the challenge for the match with the title on the line. None of that cowardly heel bullshit where he gets forced into a match. Shame he technically never existed .
You know what I like about this? I actually don’t remember who wins! Makes it a little more interesting to re-watch since I’ve forgotten the finish lol.
Fuck me, JR, the babyface announcer, is putting over Benoit, the heel, saying he perhaps favours the Crossface in this match!
JR: “Wait a minute… ARMBAR!” as Jericho applies an ARMBAR. Not sure if JR was making a reference to the ARMBAR promo, but the way he said it made it sound like he was lol. Make me smile either way lol .
This match is a SUBMISSION match. Where you can only win by SUBMISSION. So the obvious thing for people to do in a SUBMISSION match is try to apply SUBMISSION holds and win by SUBMISSION. Right? Well that’s EXACTLY what they do. I know it seems simple and obvious, but how many times do we get stipulation matches where guys ignore the stipulation until like, the actual finish? Here, pretty much EVERYTHING they do is a SUBMISSION hold, or is a focused attack on the body part/parts that better serve their own SUBMISSION hold. It’s smart, yes, and it’s also GOOD.
Benoit is made to look even MORE badass by coming into this match with a fucking KNEE INJURY, wearing a brace and everything. If he wins, and I’m starting to think he does, then fuck, they really put Benoit over here lol. Guess they already had the FL main event planned out.
Love how Benoit knows the knee injury could easily fuck him over, so any time Jericho goes for a leg hold he fights for his fucking LIFE to escape. Hell the first leg hold he gets caught in is a modified Walls of Jericho in the ropes, something that you could say he wasn’t expecting and couldn’t counter in time because, well, who the fuck would know their opponent was gonna do THAT? And he still fights his way out of it in the end, and while Jericho sees an opportunity to finish him off afterwards, Benoit seems even MORE FOCUSED to avoid any kind of leg holds, and HE DOES. Knowing that he is in trouble though, the Crippler quickly gets the Crossface applied finally and Jericho PASSES OUT. ALL HAIL BENOIT AND THE MONSTROUS PUT OVER JOB THEY JUST DID!!!
So yeah this is fucking good. Always been a fan of it and I’m glad it help up . Benoit was just a fucking BEAST throughout.
CAL SCALE – 4
the Brisco backstage stuff is awesome. Why on earth would he WANT to be hardcore champion still?
at how HIGH HBK looks while The Rock is talking to him.
Road Dogg & X-Pac Vs The Dudley Boys – Tag Team Tables Match
Loved the DX theme during this time. Liking this song is about as “hip” as I ever got. Why couldn’t I have been a teenager or something in the mid 70’s? I love all the Rock music that started around that time and into the 80’s. I’D HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING COOL .
The Dudley Boys bring their own table. And set it up near the top of the entrance ramp and just… leave it. No good all the way over there, guys! The Dudley Boys want to put Tori through a table. Wouldn’t mind giving her wood myself.
Lawler is losing his mind. Only way to win this match is putting both opponents through a table. Last match was Submission only. So he asks if we’ve had a pin fall win so far tonight. Uhhh Jerry… first THREE matches. The previous match was the only one so far to not end in pin. You daft tit.
BUBBA’S GETTING WOOD AS WE SPEAK!!! While staring at Tori. LOL. Bubba Chubby.
One thing I hate about tag matches; the referees. They go into uber moron mode every damn time. Oh, a heel didn’t make a tag while I wasn’t looking but came into the ring anyway? That’s cool. WHAT THE FUCK BABYFACE GUY? I DIDN’T SEE YOU MAKE A TAG, YOU GET YOUR FAT ASS BACK ON THAT APRON UNTIL I TELL YOU YOU CAN ENTER THE FUCKING RING!!!
PUMPHANDLE DROP off the steel steps through a table! Take that, Devon!
the referee gets too involved in the match, even though it’s NO FUCKING DQ, so Bubba and Road Dogg double hip toss him through a table! Road Dogg looks pleased then gets punched in the face. Dudley’s “win” the match but the ref is down. Ah well, time to put Tori through a table instead!
HARDCORE CHAMPION TIME! Brisco makes the save like a true hero, and Bubba goes through a table just as the referee wakes up to see it.
Fun stuff. Me likey. Better than their pile of utter shite dumpster/table match thingy.
Brisco staying behind to give the DX chop to Bubba is hilarious. Then he goes through a table.
CAL SCALE – 2
HIS JUDGMENT DAY IS COMING. HIS JUDGMENT DAY IS HERE!
Triple H Vs The Rock – Special Guest Referee Shawn Michaels – 60 Minute WWF Title Iron Man Match
Who likes short shorts? Shawn likes short shorts! SMUGGLING BANANA SHORTS.
HHH wants to win the match by himself so he sends everyone away. BET THAT WILL LAST!
CHYNA IS MY DAD sign. She has a penis.
Who the fuck would have guessed I could sit through ONE HOUR of The Rock? And with HHH no less! Amazing that 2 guys I don’t really care for have such great chemistry together.
Lawler seems to be on top of his game throughout this, really adding to the match on commentary with his insight on lasting an hour in the ring and shit. Love him analysing the first 10 minutes or so of this match, explaining what’s smart to do and what isn’t and WHY.
Rock is like, actually pretty GOOD in this too. ROCK PRAISE ALERT! Don’t worry, it’s only 4pm. I’m not drunk. Yet. Yeah, this is probably Rock’s best match performance wise. Hmmm… well between this and WM 19 Vs Austin. Might give the nod to WM 19 because I prefer that match to this. But yeah, Rock is good. I like how HE is the one to really grasp the smart wrestling needed for an hour long match. Yeah, that’s probably how the match was laid out and shit, but still, Rock ran with his part and did extremely well.
Gets to the 30 minute mark and… RANDOM AE BRAWLING! Luckily both are knackered so they can’t really go at it on the outside like they normally would. We get a pretty sweet looking back body drop on the floor though. HBK decides not to bother with double countouts, and rightfully so because they are pointless in a match like this lol.
THREE COUNT FROM A PILEDRIVER. This is now the GOAT match.
The falls are done really nicely in this one too. Some early falls happen from a Rock Bottom and a Pedigree. Finishers obviously. But as the time ticks away and both men become exhausted and worn down, we get falls from a Piledriver and a DDT. Both big impact moves, yeah, but by 2000 they were mostly just normal moves that most people did.
I also like how the falls play a part in how they structure the match too. Rock can retain on a draw, so HHH needs to make sure he’s always at least 1 up on The Rock no matter what. So when HHH decks Rock with a chair and busts him open, getting DQ’d but picking up a couple of quick wins (one with a SLEEPER. Perfect!) to put him ahead AND have The Rock worn down like fuck, it’s really a great piece of storytelling imo. I think that’s one (of the many) reasons the HBK/Bret Iron Man didn’t work. Not having any falls took away a lot of what they COULD have done.
PEDIGREE ON THE TABLE… BY THE ROCK! Table doesn’t break so HHH so smashes his face into it . He blades and gets counted up, with 3:50 left! Rock only needs one more win to tie and retain his title. THE MCMAHON’S ARE BACK! STEPHANIE AND HER FAPNESS! YEY!
2 and a half minutes left, Rock takes out the McMahon’s, Rock hits the spinebuster, the fans go crazy, Rock goes for the People’s Elbow… and I swear HBK teases hitting Sweet Chin Music lol. Oh god how glorious would that have been (for a second time)? So Rock evens the score, but HBK is taken out afterwards and…
NOW BACK FROM THE DEAD.
IT’S… MY GOD IT’S THE UNDERTAKER!!!
The Undertaker absolutely annihilates the McMahon-Helmsley Faction, then takes down HHH with a chokeslam and a Tombstone! But HBK see’s the chokeslam before the bell rings and DQ’s The Rock… giving HHH another fall and the win overall! Lots of confusion over what happened at the end, but the home video version that was released in the UK (and the Tagged Classic DVD that I also have… and am watching this on lol) showed afterwards the clock counting down still while Undertaker chokeslams HHH AND shows HBK seeing it. No botch, nothing.
Undertaker’s reaction to the end is great + he chases down HBK to the back. Undertaker is back for a minute and already teasing a match with HBK .
Match is incredible still. Holds up more than I could have ever hoped. Not the best Iron Man match, which says a lot for the 2 I would put ahead of it (Lesnar/Angle and Rude/Steamboat). Rock puts in a career performance, HHH does too tbh. Undertaker return is EPIC. Not much I don’t like about this one.
CAL SCALE – 7
Overall CAL SCALE – 17