Insurrextion 2002 Ramblings

Posted on: March 30th, 2014 by Big Cal

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Insurrextion 2002

I remember nothing of this event. Except the Main Event. Which I wish I could forget.

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Rob Van Dam – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

Their BL match was great. Their ladder match on Raw later on is great. Not sure about their JD match, I’ll get to that soon. But this? No idea. Hope it rocks though!

:lmao they do a spot where RVD tries for a leg sweep, but he COMPLETELY MISSES… and Eddie has some crazy delayed reaction and still “jumps” to avoid it… after RVD did it :lmao. Legit burst out laughing at that one. :lmao

Eddie works the neck of RVD in this one, as it was a NECK BREAKER on the IC title belt at Backlash that led to Eddie winning the belt. So smart for him to focus on it this time around. Plenty of brutal elbows to the back of the neck, and a sleep hold too that makes sense to use rather than to rest. RVD gets his foot on the ropes and the ref does a 5 count and Eddie is a complete cunt and only just let go before the bell was gonna get rung lol. Yeah, he could have retained his belt there, but Eddie wants to retain by BEATING RVD to prove he’s better and he has the better FROG SPLASH too.

Just as Eddie is really working over the neck, RVD starts a comeback with those big kicks, so Eddie dropkicks the knee, see’s RVD is hurting and goes right for it! Normally when someone switches up their focus in a match it sucks, but when there is a good reason, like here, I love it :). Shows that Eddie will capitalise on ANYTHING if he finds an opening.

Aaaand RVD just killed the ENTIRE match by completely 100% no selling EVERYTHING to make a comeback. Not even so much as a shake of the leg. NOTHING. Eddie is fucked off and gets himself DQ’d. Don’t blame him :p.

Ok, so th DQ was most likely because he realised that after everything he’d done to RVD, the guy still came back and was THIS close to taking the title.

:lmao at Eddie chasing the referee after he DQ’s him.

Match isn’t that good. RVD’s lack of everything ruins it. Eddie was great though.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Trish Stratus & Jacqueline Vs Molly Holly & Jazz

NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Bradshaw Vs X-Pac

Guessing this is payback for the Backlash match when X-Pac helped Hall beat Bradshaw.

X-Pac should have totally worn the Kane match in his matches. Looked awesome on him lol.

:mark: DAMN at that first right hand Bradshaw connects with on X-Pac’s face.

DAMN at X-Pac dishing out one hell of a beating to Bradshaw! Kicks to the leg to take him down, then he SMASHES his face repeatedly into an exposed turnbuckle and busts the big Texan open!

:mark: at Bradshaw’s comeback. PUNCHES THE FUCK OUT OF X-PAC’S FACE. Again. SHOULDER BLOCK OFF THE ROPES~!

X-Pac nearly flies through the ropes after Bradshaw POWERS OUT of a pin. Awesome. FALL AWAY SLAM~!

Hall shows up even though X-Pac told him to stay backstage. Prevents Bradshaw from doing a powerbomb, then clocks Bradshaw with NUN CHUCKS and BRADSHAW KICKS OUT!!!

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! X-Pac ducks and Bradshaw keeps on going and decks Hall! X-Pac ends up getting the win in the end though.

This was pretty good. Bradshaw is awesome and beating people up, and X-Pac is good on offence + making Bradshaw bleed helped make him look like a credible threat to the big Texan.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

UNDERTAKER INTERVIEW :mark:. Probably better than his match later tonight. *sigh*

 

Steven Richards Vs Booker T – WWF Hardcore Championship Match

:mark: Hardcore title match!

:lmao Booker T comes out and he looks CONFUSED AS FUCK during his entire entrance :lmao.

:lmao Richards hits an arm drag and celebrates like he won the match.

TRASH CAN LID TO THE BACK OF STEVEN’S HEAD :mark:. Makes one hell of a SICK sound :D.

:lmao GOAT bump from a trash can to the face from Richards.

:lmao at Booker throwing the trash can at Steven then kicking it… except he misses the trash can and just connects with a normal kick :lmao. Has Maffew uploaded this entire event as a Botchamania video yet? :p

:lmao WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Steven was in the ropes, Booker walks over to him… then somehow ends up going over the ropes but Richards put like, zero effort into doing… anything :p.

Why is there a fucking SLEEPER HOLD in my hardcore match? GTFO with that bollacks.

Urgh, Lawler spouting out random “English” phrases and words. Getting the meaning wrong half the time or just sounding like a twat 100% of the time.

Huh. This is unusual. I’M BORED DURING A HARDCORE MATCH.

HOLY FUCK at Steven’s superkick!

Book End and Booker T wins the hardcore title. :lmao then CRASH HOLLY shows up and wins it. :lmao then Booker hits a Scissors Kick while he’s celebrating and wins it back. :lmao then Dreamer and Credible show up and attack him. Booker fights back and keeps the title this time. Then Jazz shows up with Steven again and they botch a table spot, have to re-do it, then Steven wins the belt back :lmao.

Well overall this blew giant chunks. Botches, dumb spots and a fucking SLEEPER HOLD DURING A GOD DAMN HARDCORE MATCH. Too much Booker T and not enough weapons. Got DULL during parts, and the stuff AFTER the match originally ends is more exciting.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Hardy Boys Vs Brock Lesnar & Shawn Stasiak

THE FUCK IS STASIAK DOING IN THIS? How does he still have a job after his Invasion crap? :lmao

Stasiak is the original VIPER. THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO HIM.

:lmao Heyman basically tells him he’s shit and says the plan for the match is for him to stay on the apron while Brock does everything. Turns out Heyman handpicked him to actually just STAY ON THE APRON :lmao.

LITA is unable to be on the show because he just had neck surgery after she broke it filming Dark fucking pile of shit Angel.

:lmao Stasiak runs down to the ring like a “special person” decides to start things off!

Lawler: “I DO WHAT THE VOICES IN MY PANTS TELL ME TO DO”… the fuck is wrong with you Jerry? What the fuck is wrong with this entire fucking show for that matter?

Lesnar finally tags in and starts to FUCK SHIT UP in a good way. A very fucking good way :mark:.

:lmao Lesnar goes into the ring post, and Stasiak starts spazzing out as the voices tell him to TAG. So he does. And gets his arse kicked. Seriously, why was this guy kept around DURING the Invasion… never mind AFTER.

Stasiak gets pinned. LESNAR LOST! Just not by being pinned. Did they mention this as a loss for him? I only seem to recall them bringing up getting DQ’d against RVD at vengeance as his first “official” loss.

Lesnar kills everyone after the match including Stasiak. Match was fun mostly.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Spike Dudley Vs William Regal – WWf European Championship Match

SPIKE is the European champion. Yeah. No wonder they got rid of it :lmao.

“REGAL, YER MUM’S A LIZARD!” ahhhh, classic signs :).

Regal Rules. Spends the first minute or so of the match just smashing his knee or boot into Spike’s face.

Dropkick.

Dropkick.

Dropkick.

Dropkick.

Huh, when did this turn into a Chavo match? 8*D

Spike goes for the DUDLEY DOG, Regal pushes him off and poor Spikey hurts his lickle leg. AWWWWWWWW. I don’t care.

Trainer comes down, cuts open Spike’s boot because untying it seems like too much work. THE MATCH IS STILL OFFICIALLY GOING TOO BTW.

Spike is getting taken to the back and Regal grabs him and brings him back into the ring BECAUSE THE MATCH IS STILL FUCKING GOING. Ah well, we get Regal being all fucking BOSSY as he attacks it, and the English fans are LOVING REGAL FOR IT. :mark:

Powerbomb. And Regal picks him up after 2, claiming he isn’t done. Spike rolls him up and wins. Fans BOO. Regal decks him with the Brass Knucks. Fans CHEER.

This was mostly ok, but the ankle injury crap lasts as long as the ring action and kinda kills the momentum.

Rating: *1/4
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Steve Austin Vs The Big Show – Special Guest Referee Ric Flair

Well actually Flair is referee #2. He’s just gonna stand there and prevent the NWO from interfering. Show joined the NWO btw. This is before Flair’s heel turn and alliance thingy with the NWO. Whole thing was a mess. NWO in WWE blew.

Reeeeeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyyy slow start to this one. Stalling, then a bunch of collar and elbow tie ups with Show powering Austin into the corner, then slowly building up to Austin finally knocking Show down. It’s ok I guess, but eh, don’t feel the match needed as much stalling and shit at the start. Was like they were trying to force this to be something big and special when really it’s Big Show Vs Austin with Show not the most motivated he’s been and Burnout 2002 Austin too.

Jerry Lawler. Shut the FUCK up. Why do they have to do it every fucking time. LOLZ WE IN TEH ENGLUND LETS SAY RANDOMLY ENGLISH SHIT WITHOUT A FULL UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONTEXT OR THE FUCKING LANGUAGE. Annoying as shit and actually distracts from matches.

Austin works the legs a little, then Show uses his power and a big clothesline to take Austin down and from here it’s pretty much all Big Show. With some hope spots by Austin, 90% of which are cut with a clothesline. Yawn.

Speaking of yawn… BEARHUG. Big Show has his hands locked in such a convincing way I honestly think Cena’s STF looks better. Urgh.

Big comeback from Austin, Stunner, but the ref is dead. Flair goes for a count but the NWO show up so he buggers off after them. TEASING DAT HEEL TURN. That gets forgotten about like a month later anyway :lmao. Then he turns heel again later in the year.

KEVIN NASH!!! HOLY FUCK I THOUGHT HE WAS INJURED! I legit thought his “suspension” was a way to cover up his injury! He doesn’t help in the slightest. 2 Stunners from Austin and he gets the win finally.

Match is… watchable, I guess. Kinda slow, kinda dull, but they did have a decent story thrown in there for the match… it just wasn’t executed too well. Not the worst thing on this show but I’ll never watch it again.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The Undertaker Vs Triple H

I wanna say NO and be done with it. But it’s a PPV main event so I’m gonna watch it no matter what. No matter what. No matter what. No matter what. SOMEONE SHOOT ME. No matter what.

I’ve already reviewed this in the past. Can I just post that and be done? Please?

Fine. I’ll watch it again. For you. You cunts.

Undertaker’s punches are :mark:.

HHH’s punches are SHIT.

“HHH JERKING THE UNDERTAKER OFF… THE TOP ROPE!” :lmao JR is at it again.

Stop it. STOP HOLDING THE GUY’S FUCKING HEAD BEFORE YOU PUNCH. IT LOOKS TERRIBLE. Best striker in the WWE Vs one of the worst.

Undertaker goes after the leg that put THE GAME out of action for 9 months. PUT HIM BACK ON THE SHELF, DEAD MAN!!!

Rope breaks and poor Undertaker looks to really hurt his back on it when it happens. Facing HHH in 2002 does not agree with him it seems.

Ahhh, a rest hold. The secret ingredient to making this match good no doubt!!!

Fuck me, HHH does not want to give up control of the match to Undertaker. Undertaker NEVER gets in any real full control. You can just imagine their conversation during the match…

Undertaker: Ok, time for me to get some heat.

HHH: BABYFACE SHINE!

Undertaker: Fine.

*2 minutes later*

Undertaker: Right, I should get some heat now.

HHH: BABYFACE SHINE!

Undertaker: Urgh, fine!

*2 minutes later”

Undertaker: Give me some fucking heat NOW.

HHH: I’M FUCKING STEPHANIE MCMAHON AND WILL RUN THE COMPANY SOON.

Undertaker: …

HHH: BABYFACE SHINE!

This whole match is just a terrible, terrible mess. And I know I’m like, always biased when it comes to THE UNDERTAKER, but seriously, HHH is the MAJOR problem in this match. He never gives up control and never lets Undertaker get any heat, and his strikes are just god awful and he keeps fucking doing them. Oh and of course he WINS too.

HHH: Oh hey, Undertaker is getting the title at the next PPV. Can I pin him tonight? He’s getting the title anyway :).

He probably did the same in 01 with Austin at NWO.

HHH: Austin gets to win the title at WM :(. Can I beat him the PPV before? PWEETTY PWEASE? Yey!

This match can fuck off. And so can this entire PPV. FUCK OFF.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 0

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