The first PPV with both brand titles on the line!!!
The Un-Americans Vs Booker T, Goldust, Bubba Ray Dudley & Kane
The Un-Americans, huh? Wonder who came up with that name; The Un-Creative Team?
OMG THAT’S NOT KANE THAT’S SOMEONE ELSE HE LOOKS DIFFERENT SO IT’S OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE ELSE WEARING THE MASK ZOMG~!
Anyone else remember how some people were absolutely ADAMANT about the fact that this wasn’t REALLY Kane?
Goldust starting things off with Christian. I know Survivor Series ended up being one of the top PPV’s of the year and a tremendous PPV in general regardless of the year, I’m surprised they didn’t go with a big elimination match like this with the Un-Americans Vs a group of Pro-USA guys or something. Plenty of talent on the Un-American side of things, then you could have had Goldust (And Booker, I suppose, though he was in the EC that night), and uhhh… huh, everyone I can think of was already part of something at SVS lol. Well rebook the card!!! Something like this should have happened lol .
Early part of the match is the USA guys dominating and all taking turns at getting them some of these bastards who tell the truth and don’t think USA is a GOAT as USA thinks it is ( ). Everyone except KANE because they saving that big gun for when it’s truly NESSECCARY. NESESSARY. NESSECCESSARRRY. THAT WORD.
Bubba and Booker decide to get tables out, which fucks them over as they decide to get a table from under the ring ON THE UN-AMERICANS SIDE OF THE RING and they get jumped. OH THE SHOCK. Morons lol.
Booker T plays FIP while a bunch of superior talent work him over. Poor Booker, he’s like, the worst guy in this match bar Test. MAYBE. Luckily he isn’t SUCKA(ING) so it’s all good.
HOT TAG TO KANE and he comes in like a house on fire. Which probably motivates him in a different way to everyone else.
WILD 8 MAN BRAWL~!
Good GOD Test absolutely fucking POWERS Kane up for a Pumphandle. I swear Kane wasn’t being co-operative there either lol. PURE POWER. Booker officially moves to the bottom of the workers in this match .
DOUBLE TEAM TO KANE. SUPERKICK~! KANE SURVIVES!!!
Everyone comes in the ring and gets them some of someone before being taken out by someone else coming in. You know the deal, but hey, it’s a ton of fun especially for a finishing stretch of a big match like this.
KANE comes back and starts mauling everyone. CHOKESLAM TO STORM~! 3 count.
Fun way to start the show!
CAL SCALE – 2
Chris Jericho Vs Ric Flair – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Huh, Jericho is IC champ? I… don’t remember him winning the belt around this time lol.
In fact I don’t remember this match happening at all. I know they faced at SummerSlam… but a rematch? With Jericho as IC champ somehow? WHEN DID ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN?
SLAPS TO THE FACE~!
This is all about FLAIR proving to himself that he can still go and can still have one last run. Jericho gives him a TON in this match. Flair is all over him and looks great despite his age.
Flair targets the leg a little, then Jericho gets a second wind, knocks Flair down and goes for the Lionsault! Flair moves, Jericho lands on his feet but quickly crumples down to the mat holding his knee!!! He’s obviously hurt .
Flair gives him some space, then when he turns his back, Jericho locks in the Walls and makes Flair TAP. LOL.
Fun enough for the time it got and the match they worked. Flair looked great, then Jericho OUT-DIRTIED THE DIRTIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME and got the win.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Shaq is in attendance with his son, and when the camera gets on them, his own son BLASTS HIM IN THE FACE with a right hook .
Eddie Guerrero Vs Edge
Hmmmm…. not sure what to expect from this match. I was never super high on their matches back in 2002, and Edge’s stuff really doesn’t hold up well from this time period at all. Add to that the fact I don’t think much to their No DQ SD match either which is pretty much considered the crown jewel match of this feud… I can’t say I’m expecting much at all from this match.
Eddie shows us his VETERAN INSTINCTS at the start of this one, getting out of the ring straight away as Edge comes in fired up. He sneaks around behind Edge for a roll up, and when Edge kicks out he runs back outside and does the chase thing before getting back in the ring and jumping on Edge as he comes in the ring. Basic stuff yeah, but it’s always nice when there seems to be SOME reason behind it .
TORNADO DDT. EDGE IS DOWN! Eddie knows it, and you can see that he realises Edge is hurt and he just ATTACKS like a vicious animal .
I’m going to tell you something that you have never heard. That has never been written. That nobody would EVER expect me to ever say, write or imply. EDDIE FUCKING RULES . Eddie on offence is awesome here. He starts being violent, just jumping on Edge when he realises he’s hurting. Then he starts to get cocky, playing to the crowd and taking his time (and the crowd btw are LOVING Eddie for the most part). Edge then manages to get a shot in, and Eddie sells it like a knockout shot. So when he gets back up again he reverts back to being violent and vicious in order to keep Edge down again.
Edge is hurting, and apparently also recently suffered a concussion which makes some of Eddie’s offence even better lol. So when Edge sees an opportunity, he doesn’t waste time, going either for a quick rollup or for one big move that might get him the win.
SPEAR! EDDIE MOVES! EDGE STOPS HIMSELF! DDT! 3! NO? EDDIE GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE! MATCH CONTINUES!
EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE~! EDDIE GOES BACK FIRST INTO IT~! EDGE ATTEMPTS A SUPERPLEX… EDDIE SMASHES HIS HEAD INTO THE TURNBUCKLE WHILE THEY ARE STOOD ON THE ROPES~! SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB~!
EDDIE WINS! EDDIE WINS!!!
Well this was WAY better than I was expecting. WAY BETTER. Eddie was clearly the driving force in making it as good as it was, but Edge played his role in this thing as well as you could expect too.
CAL SCALE – 3
HHH decided to visit RVD in the Raw locker room. He addresses Flair and how he’s no longer what he used to be. HEEL TURN? Nah, that’ll never happen…
Billy & Chuck Vs 3 Minute Warning – If Billy & Chuck win, Bischoff must kiss Stephanie’s ass. If 3 Minute Warning win, Stephanie must perform HLA
HLA! HLA! HLA! HLA! HOT LESBIAN ACTION~!
How could ANYONE be rooting for the “babyfaces” Billy & Chuck in this situation lol?
Man, I still remember the wedding segment from SD. Bischoff revealing himself as the minister was pretty awesome. Totally didn’t see it coming. Stephanie tried something similar too but was more in the background to hide than in plain sight without being seen lol.
Billy & Chuck pretty much just get squashed. YES! HLA! STEPHANIE!!! FAP FAP FAP!!! But we gotta wait for it .
CAL SCALE – 0
Triple H Vs Rob Van Dam – World Heavyweight Championship Match
The first WHC match in WWE history! Excluding WWF, of course . Anyway. HHH gets the title handed to him, then proceeds to BERRY people while defending it or something. You know, because RVD was WHC material…
MAN, HHH CAN REALLY SPIT WATER! He can also… lift weights . And ruin main event scenes for basically a decade! Woo!!!
About 5 minutes into the match, RVD grabs a bottle of water and does HHH’s water spit. I think I could probably skip the rest of the match knowing that THAT was the best part .
LOL RVD DIES. Leaps over the ropes and splats on the floor as HHH moves. Can we end this thing on a countout please? PLEASE? No? FUCK YOU.
“I THINK EARL HEBNER COUNTS VERY WELL”. I’m sure if his maths teacher is still alive he’d be proud.
*HHH applies a sleeper*
Lawler: “NOBODY HAS USED THIS MOVE IN YEARS. ITS A CLASSIC!!!”
HHH bores the shit out of me in control. Then RVD comes back and at least TRIES to make it interesting again by quite literally kicking the fuck out of HHH.
REF BUMP~! Frog Splash. No ref. Shock and horror.
Fuck me at the set up to the low blow on RVD. Dumbest shit ever.
Sledgehammer comes out to play. Flair shows up. Nails RVD with the hammer. HHH wins. Urgh.
CAL SCALE – 0
D-Lo Brown and Billy Kidman are… backstage talking. Some old man from… the Young and the Restless or something? I dunno. I don’t know why this is a thing. I just don’t get it.
Trish Stratus Vs Molly Holly – WWE Women’s Championship Match
CAL SCALE – -1
Chris Benoit Vs Kurt Angle
Oh christ I forgot this was on the show lol. I used to like this… then again I used to think their RR 03 match was ***** and their Raw cage match was good. So fuck knows how I’ll end up feeling about this. That being said I used to love their Backlash 01 match… and I STILL fucking love it. Hopefully this falls into that category. Better do. Sick of watching shitty matches! Need the taste of HHH/RVD out of my mouth.
So the first 5 minutes maybe, are utterly pointless. They just exchange hugs and shit while moaning and groaning like weirdos .
Cole “Benoit’s got like 0% body fat”
Tazz “I used to have that!”
Cole “When? When you were 2?”
Commentators talk about how great the CONDITIONING~! of both these guys is… yet they are both utterly fucked and are doing the old “both guys down while the ref does a 10 count” thing after… almost nothing lol. They did the hug exchanges at the start… then Angle gets a couple of moves in, Benoit makes a little comeback and… that’s them knackered apparently lol.
Well, time for FINISHERS~! Because… I dunno, they’ve hugged for a while, then pretended to be knackered for a while so we gotta do a finishing stretch. Benoit cheats to win.
I don’t… I’m not… what? I can’t point to this match and say “it’s fucking terrible”… because… I don’t really have ANY opinion on it. It’s just there. Nothing offensive, nothing to make me hate wrestling… but nothing for me to like. A whole bunch of stuff and that’s it.
CAL SCALE – 0
HLA TIME! But they crap all over it. They tease us with hot HLA. Then Rikishi comes out in drag. Bischoff seems to be the only person to not know its him. Ends up taking a stink face. Bah.
Brock Lesnar Vs The Undertaker – WWE Championship Match
This is the IYH: Ground Zero match to Lesnar & Undertaker’s HIAC match. Like HBK/Undertaker GZ, this is a match that is simply used to BUILD to another match. And not in the shitty way like we’ve seen in the past (and future, since this is from 2002 lol). Instead they give us a great match but it ends in a way that makes us NEED a rematch, and a rematch inside some cage or cell to keep them from fucking shit up and giving us a non finish again. On last watch, this match did it just as wonderfully as HBK/Undertaker. Hope it holds up at the very least .
Starts off . Lesnar is the young champion about to face his BIGGEST test yet, and he walks right up to Undertaker and looks him in the eye, so Undertaker just pushes him away like he’s fucking nothing. MIND GAMES played by both guys .
I love how Heyman sees that Lesnar is getting in trouble, so he sacrifices himself, taking a HUGE boot to the face, to allow Lesnar to capitalise on a distracted Dead Man. And man oh man, Lesnar just fucking SPEARING the shit out of Undertaker into the corner is a great way to capitalise on such a situation lol.
Undertaker’s awesome strikes are awesome. Lesnar had been working over the BODY of Undertaker, so Undertaker fires back with some BRUTAL body shots that fuck Lesnar up.
More Heyman distraction and BAM~! WWE title to the face of the Dead Man and the Dead Man is busted open!!!
BRAWLING~! Undertaker is just killing it with his punches. Lesnar wants to nail him in the head with the title? Undertaker is gonna retaliate with massive punches right in the FACE.
Ref Bump! MATT HARDY! BAH GAWD MATT HARDY IS HERE~! He gets killed .
Poor ref keeps getting knocked down and shit lol. His own fault, he shouldn’t be in the ring while these 2 MONSTERS are going at it. Kinda like how the army stand around getting mauled while Godzilla and King Kong battle or something. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE YOU DUMB FUCK.
Lesnar and Taker are just trying to KILL each other. Lesnar is trying to hang with ‘Taker to show that while he’s young and fairly inexperienced, he’s still a top player, while Undertaker is trying to hang with Lesnar and prove that despite getting older, he’s still the big dog that runs the yard. And as a result, like I already said, we end up with both of them just trying to KILL each other.
LESNAR IS BLEEDING~! And Undertaker is making sure to go after it. Lesnar has never been CUT in a match before, so it’s cool to see how he reacts to it, and well, that’s pretty much how we get to the finish of the match. The BEAST has been hurt and now he’s pissed. They just battle in the corner and the dumb arse ref keeps getting involved, and ends up just throwing the match out. Fans ain’t happy, and yeah, you can’t blame them. Nobody likes a non finish, especially for a main event, but they followed up on it like fucking BOSSES with the HIAC match, PLUS they keep on fighting after the bell rings, ending with Undertaker lobbing Lesnar through the Unforgiven stage!!!
Still love this one. A wonderful build to HIAC, AND a pretty fucking sweet match to boot.
CAL SCALE – 6
Overall CAL SCALE – 10.5