Well, time to torture myself!
So this is the 20th SummerSlam. Did they honestly think this card was worthy of being such a high profile event?
Event has been sold out since Jan. Feel sorry for all those people who bought tickets without knowing the card .
Kane Vs Finlay
Well, looks like the show is going to get off to a decent start. Have a feeling it all goes downhill from here though .
Oh my god, are you kidding me? This is ANOTHER KANE FEUD BASED ON SPILT COFFEE?
Well, all I can say is, that coffee must have been DAMN HOT because Kane is out to MURDER the Irishman. Probably as STIFF as Kane has ever been .
Kane absolutely dominates and mauls Finlay early on, and seems to be working more of a SMASH MOUTH style match than you might expect from him, despite the fact he usually does like to smash people in the face lol.
Finlay finds an opportunity to gain control of Kane, and does a little rib work (Kane’s ribs are taped up), but Kane is still so fired up he just keeps coming back and Finlay is back on defence.
Finlay tries to get Hornswoggle involved to help him, but the midget is terrified. Pretty sure Kane just botched knocked Hornswoggle’s hat off .
CHOKESLAM~! No wait! Kane’s ribs are fucked and he can’t get Finlay up! NOW is the time for Finlay to turn the match around!
The sheleighly gets involved, and we have the old “ref takes it away only for Finlay to bring out another one” spot, but not even a shot to the ribs can keep the Big Red Monster down!
CHOKESLAM TO FINLAY~! KANE WINS!!!
Huh, not really sure how I feel about this match. Kane dominated 90% of it, despite the fact Finlay is one of the toughest bastards ever AND Kane was injured. Very odd. Fun to watch and a good fight, Kane looked good, but yeah, not quite how I thought the match was gonna go.
CAL SCALE – 1
at Regal. Vince shows up in the GM room to find that there are no women for this big SummerSlam party. So Regal blurts out “I TOLD YOU TO GET THE SCRUBBERS” .
Santino is there because… yeah. MVP shows up and wants Vince to make a “competition” between him and Matt Hardy.
Oh man, Regal killed it during the entire segment .
Umaga Vs Mr Kennedy Vs Carlito – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
SO uhhh… everyone in this match is a heel, right? Bet the fans will be into this one .
Umaga doesn’t give a shit, and takes on both men at once because he’s a fucking savage. Kennedy and Carlito try to work together, but their combined talent doesn’t equal Umaga’s .
Ok, so Umaga is a fucking MONSTER. At the start of the year he was mauling John Cena. Yet here, in typical truple threat fashion, he gets drop kicked out of the ring and is out of the match for a while. God I hate normal triple threat formulas lol. The Armageddon 07 triple threat was sooo much better.
OMG KENNEDY JUST SMASHED A MONITOR ONTO THE RINGPOST… I MEAN UMAGA’S HEAD. HONEST! IT TOTALLY CONNECTED WITH UMAGA’S HEAD AND NOT THE RING POST. YEY~!
Umaga still wins.
CAL SCALE – 0
Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero
CAL SCALE – -1
Torrie Wilson Vs Victoria Vs Kristal Vs Michelle McCool Vs Kelly Kelly Vs Brooke Vs Layla Vs Melina Vs Mickie James Vs Beth Phoenix – #1 Contendership for the WWE Women’s Championship Battle Royal Match
I think I wrote down everyone. Probably not. Don’t really care .
CAL SCALE – -1
MVP and Matt Hardy do one of their competition things. It’s a beer drinking contest. Hardy is a pussy and picks a substitute, to get revenge for the boxing match they had when MVP subbed Holyfield for himself. Who is Matt’s sub? STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN~!
at Austin warming up . That’s the sign of a professional right there!
We return backstage to the party in Vince’s office. The GOAT moment of 2007 takes place:
John Morrison Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match
what the fuck is this? It’s like they planned out a 30 minute match, only to find out there were getting 7 minutes, but decided to keep EVERYTHING in anyway .
No time for any selling, no time for ANYTHING really. They do moves and follow it up with moves and then some more moves. Twice Morrison tried to slow Punk down with a rest hold, but the moment they went to the mat in the hold, Punk was already fighting back out .
Currently on Wikipedia looking up the time of the match so I could make my point better lol… and it turns out only TWO matches on the entire show go longer than 10 minutes . Only 1 more goes over 8 . The total time for matches, on a THREE HOUR PPV is 1 hour 17 minutes .
CAL SCALE – 0
King Booker Vs Triple H
HHH returns after yet another quad injury. And he decided to return and squash Booker T . I watched just because I find it hilarious. Because Booker T sucks. Duh.
CAL SCALE – 0
The Great Khali Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match
this show just gets worse and worse .
Surprisingly Khali isn’t too bad on offence… except for that sodding nerve grip. God I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE FUCKING H.A.T.E. THAT FUCKING HOLD. STOP IT. It should be banned.
BATISTA KICKS OUT~!
Khali, despite DOMINATING this entire match… whacks Batista with a chair and gets DQ’d.
Well. That was pointless . Not as awful as I was expecting though .
CAL SCALE – 0
John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match
People tend to cream over this match. Those people can BURN IN HELL. No Way Out 2008 is the only match between these two men that you ever really need to see. EVER. Their matches should have ended there.
Well, the match starts off fun at least. Crowd are HOT for this one. They fucking hate Cena and are practically BEGGING for Orton (or anyone really) to take the damn title from Mr Hustle, Loyalty and Dullness. They go bakc and forth, exchanging basic holds and trying to gain control, until Cena gets blasted off the apron and crashes face first into the announce table, and it quickly becomes Orton’s match.
Sleeper hold > Cena escapes > Runs the ropes > Gets hit by Orton/Misses a move > Sleeper hold. Rinse. Repeat. Me fall asleep.
That was the main portion of the match. Seriously. Urgh. Things pick up again towards the end at least. Fuck me though, can Cena do ANYTHING without running the ropes?
Cena Superman’s out of nowhere and applies the STFU, and Orton’s head nearly falls out from between Cena’s arms because he doesn’t seem to be able to apply the fucking submission properly. 8 years on and he STILL can’t do it either .
Of course, Cena kicks out. Duh. A finishing move FINISHING a match? LOL as if!
F-U out of nowhere~! Orton kicks out… oh wait no. Cena wins lol.
*sigh* I just don’t like this match much at all. Has some good stuff, but is ruined by Orton and Cena repeating the same damn sequence for the middle portion of the match and then going into a finishing stretch with no real build. And of course SUPERCENA finish.
CAL SCALE – 0.5
Overall CAL SCALE – -0.5