No Way Out 2008 PPV Ramblings

Posted on: August 30th, 2015 by Big Cal

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No Way Out 2008

 

The #1 Ramble was No Mercy 2008. The #101 Ramble is the beginning of the rest of 2008! I’m shocked I’ve made it this far haha.

 

Fake It by Seether is the PPV theme, and probably the only Seether song I’ve ever liked.

 

CM Punk Vs Chavo Guerrero – ECW Championship Match

Urgh, not a good way to start off the show. Chavo. Fuck off.

Ain’t even gonna attempt to watch this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

MIKE ADAMLE INTERVIEW~! I hope he botches something :mark:.

 

HOW DID IT HAPPER? He botched!!! :mark:

 

Floyd Mayweather shows up. :mark: I forgot this was the PPV with THAT angle :mark:.

 

The Undertaker Vs Batista Vs Finlay Vs Big Daddy V Vs The Great Khali Vs MVP – World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match

:mark: a match involving Undertaker, FINLAY and Batista :mark:. Shame Khali and MVP bring it down. I like DBV though :).

:mark: Undertaker and Batista kick this match off, as they add another chapter to their year long rivalry :mark:.

2 big bastards beating the fuck out of each other. RASSLIN’ don’t get much better than thiUs!

:mark: Undertaker is destroying Big Dave. Punching his face in, kicking his knees to shit, and occasionally standing on his throat. GOAT.

It’s time for another superstar to enter the match and it’s THE GREAT KHA… no wait it’s Big Daddy V. Someone apparently can’t operate a fecking LIGHT properly :lmao. YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!

Big Daddy V is yet another big bastard looking to beat the fuck out of the two big bastards already in the ring :mark:. Why couldn’t this just be a 4 way? Take out Khali and MVP and this would be fucking epic.

I used to have legitimate NIGHTMARES about Big Daddy V, back when he was Viscera. I would be running away from him at the warehouse I worked in at the time, and he was chasing me down and would eventually corner me to suffocate me to death with his FAT lol. I think it’s because I’m a little claustrophobic lol.

UNDERTAKER JUST SENT THROUGH THE DOOR AND TO THE FLOOR~! Wonder if that was supposed to happen lol.

BDV is fucking DOMINATING both Undertaker and Batista. That’s impressive :mark:.

Speaking of impressive… SPINEBUSTER TO BIG DADDY V~!

DDT ON THE STEEL FLOOR BY UNDERTAKER~! Big Daddy V is DEAD, and Batista steals the pin, eliminating the widest man in the match!!! Bah.

Just as he’s gone, we get stuck with The Great Khali of all fucking people. We went from a super fun FATTY to a giant useless twat. I swear he botches a fucking CHOP less than 30 seconds into the match.

YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants :lmao.

KHALI BOMB~!

UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!!

Khali tries to pull a MOUNTAIN by squashing Batista’s head with his bare hands, but Khali ain’t no Strongman and he fails miserably.

OMG IT’S THAT SUBMISSION MANOEUVRE~!

Which submussion manoeuvre?

THAT SUBMISSION MANOEUVRE~!

Khali taps out! Yes! Yes! YES! YES!

FINLAY TIME :mark:.

He comes charging out of the pod and… runs right into a high knee from Undertaker :lmao.

A second running high knee sends Undertaker crashing and burning into the corner though! CELTIC CROSS~! But the DEAD MAN kicks out and continues on his quest to become the number 1 contender for the WHC at WM!!!

Can we just keep MVP locked in the pod? Not like anyone thought he would win lol. We currently have UNDERTAKER Vs FINLAY Vs BATISTA. We don’t need nobody else!

Finlay is mauling the Dead Man! And it’s fucking awesome, because both guys are awesome. AWESOME. Did I mention awesome? No? Because like, it is. And they are. AWESOME.

Undertaker gets smashed through one of the pods :mark:. Man, Undertaker has taken one hell of a fucking beating in this match so far! And he’s still on his feet fighting back!

Ha, MVP seems to be trying to take my advice by staying in his pod :lmao. But Undertaker breaks in and rapes his face. With his fist. :)

THERE’S THAT KICK!!! What kick? THAT KICK! Well, this match is full of moves with no names!

I believe it’s called the drive by though. And I’m not sure, but I does believe it had that name for some time BEFORE this event. LOL.

BLOOD~! No PG shit here! Undertaker is bleeding from the head, and keeps demanding that MVP punch him in the face! MVP realises that his punches aren’t worth shit, and tries to escape by climbing on top of a pod. Big mistake. CHOKESLAM FROM THE POD~! Finlay steals the pin and MVP is GONE :mark:.

Back to an epic triple threat :mark:. Also, Undertaker is technically responsible for eliminating EVERYONE so far. His DDT to BDV allowed Batista to pin him. He tapped out Khali. And then the chokeslam allowed Finlay to eliminate MVP.

:lmao Hornswoggle’s head shows up from a small gap in one of the corners, hands Finlay the Sheleighly and… Finlay ends up with a chokeslam on the steel :lmao. Undertaker with ANOTHER elimination!!!

Down to the final 2, and its back to where we started; Undertaker Vs Batista :mark:. God I love simple shit like this, when they work off a previous feud. They battled through 2007, Edge ended up getting involved and stealing the title from them both, and now to gain a shot at Edge for the belt they have to go through each other again :mark:.

Crowd are super into this whole thing :mark:.

BATISTA BOMB~!

Batista is heading to WM!!!

1…

2…

KICK OUT!!! KICK OUT! BAH GAWD THE UNDERTAKER KICKED OUT~!

*sigh* Obvious corner Last Ride set up. Thankfully that isn’t the finish :p.

The ACTUAL finish is fucking :mark:

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The Undertaker fucking OWNED this match. Either personally eliminating people or performing the move that would get someone eliminated. He’s going to WM and it’s more than deserved!!!

Awesome chamber match. Not even MVP or Khali could stop it being awesome!!!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Teddy Long bans the EDGEHEADS from ringside tonight. Whatever.

 

Some weird Baywatch parody with Kelly Kelly and a fat guy. In the end Mae Young makes out with him instead. This was to advertise WM. I don’t get it.

 

And then a video showing Maria and Ashley at a Playboy party. Ashley is trying to convince Maria to pose for Playboy. Times sure have changed lol.

 

Ric Flair Vs Mr Kennedy – Career Threatening Match

If Flair loses, he must retire! A month before WM. Because that’s totally what would happen :p.

Kennedy does Flair’s strut. Not the first time he’s impersonated a professional wrestler 8*D.

Flair has a bad wheel coming into this match, so Kennedy focuses on that, which is smart. FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK AROUND THE RING POST~! Always love that version of the move :mark:. Even when Kennedy does it.

Kennedy is… well he’s just there when it comes to offence. Basic leg work mainly. But Flair is awesome :mark:. At one point, in a normal Figure Four, he’s screaming in pain and biting his fucking HANDS to take his mind off his leg pain. Flair showing that even a month away from “retirement”, he’s still a billion times better than Kennedy!

Figure Four on Kennedy, and Flair keeps his career for a little while longer.

This isn’t awful… it’s just… a TV opener match at best, not something that should be on PPV.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Edge Vs Rey Mysterio – World Heavyweight Championship Match

A rematch from the RR. And this time Rey is injured. Yey…

Floyd Mayweather is at ringside. Was he a cunt back then too? Always a cocky bastard yeah, but he beats his wife now too, right? Urgh. No wonder the fans were behind THE BIG SHOW at WM.

Rey is trying to keep his injured arm away from Edge, while someone building some offense. What’s worse is that it’s his RIGHT arm that’s fucked.

It isn’t long before Mysterio gets caught and goes arm first into the steel steps. Ah well, you tried, Rey :p.

Nothing much happens, and then they repeat the finish from the RR. Yawn. Might have been fun had Rey not been injured.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Thankfully though, the AFTERMATH of this match is fucking :mark:. THE BIG SHOW RETURNS! AND HE’S SLIMMED DOWN!!! He acts like a good guy and then… tries to kill Rey :lmao.

 

FLOYD MAYWEATHER GETS IN THE RING. HE PUNCHES THE SHIT OUT OF BIG SHOW!!! BIG SHOW IS BLEEDING AND CHASES AFTER FLOYD, WHO IS LITERALLY RUNNING FOR HIS FUCKING LIFE :lmao.

 

This was a tremendous, awesome segment, and set up one hell of a super fun match at WM :mark:.

 

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Randy Orton Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match

:mark:.

Yes, I didn’t put that in by mistake. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO A CENA VS ORTON MATCH!!! :mark:

So, some backstory on this match. Cena and Orton were feuding from SummerSlam onwards in 2007. Cena got injured. In his absence, Orton won the title. Cena returned (very) early at the RR and won. And he ain’t gonna wait for WM… he wants Orton NOW! Sorry, he wants Orton at NWO!!! :p

Cena is back and wants his title. While Orton NEEDS to beat Cena. He is the champion, but he didn’t win it by beating Cena. He has to beat Cena to prove to HIMSELF that he is the better man.

Early on, Cena keeps going for quick pins, seemingly to mess with Orton psychologically. He knows that Orton is determined to BEAT HIM here tonight, and every time Cena gets a 2 count, he’s telling Orton that he’s only 1 away from LOSING to him instead.

Nice to see Orton and Cena wrestle and the fans being vocal about the match but in a POSITIVE way lol.

Orton takes a while to really get going, but when he does, he’s vicious as fuck :mark:.

However, no matter how VICIOUS Orton seems to be, Cena just won’t stay down. They end up battling on the floor, and nearly get counted out!

:lmao at Orton’s face after the both charge into the ring to break the 9 count. He looks like he’s thinking “WHAT THE FUCK, JOHN? YOU NEARLY GOT COUNTED OUT. I WANT TO BEAT YOU PROPERLY YOU FUCK” :p.

Again, Orton regains control, but Cena is like the fucking TERMINATOR. STFU, and Orton barely makes it to the ropes. It’s here when he realises that perhaps he CAN’T beat Cena, and demands the referee counts him out! Cena comes out to see what the fuck is happening and… walks into an RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!!

Orton looks pleased with himself, almost like it was his plan all along. Ok, so he wasn’t able to keep Cena down for a pin or make him submit, but maybe he can still BEAT Cena via countout!

The ref gets to 9… and Cena makes it back in!!!

And then it happens. One of the greatest DQ endings of ALL TIME. Orton smiles at Cena, then SLAPS THE REFEREE!!! He is DQ’d, and technically loses the match, but fuck it, he’s STILL THE CHAMPION!!!

Love the fuck out of this match still. It isn’t a wrestling holds clinic, but it has a wonderful story that keeps evolving as the match goes on, and the finish is fucking perfect. :mark:

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho Vs JBL Vs Umaga Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match

HBK and Jericho start this match off. The first chamber match tonight started off with 2 men who had just feuded for the better part of the previous year. This time it’s starting with 2 people who would go on to feud for the better part of the current year!!!

Sweet counter to the elbow drop by Jericho, who gets his knees up, forcing HBK to smash his elbows into Jericho’s knees! In reality though, Jericho’s knees would also be fucked :p.

YOUMANGA is the first man to be released from his pod!

DOUBLE SAMOAN DROP~!

HBK is bleeding and… I have NO IDEA when it happened :lmao.

WALLS OF JERICHO AND CROSSFACE APPLIED TO UMAGA AT THE SAME TIME~!

JBL comes in and throws some nice punches.

HHH is out next. Man, this match so far has NOTHING on the first one. I’m finding bugger all to write about lol.

Umaga gets thrown head first into the steel post! Clothesline from Hell to HHH! Code Breaker to JBL, and he is the first to be eliminated! Most exciting part of the match so far :p.

JBL is PISSED that he lost, and returns to the ring with a steel chair and murders everyone!!!

Yey now everyone is bleeding and hurt and very slowly trying to stand up. THAT’LL MAKE THINGS INTERESTING.

Hardy is the final man to be released from his POD~! Maybe he can add some excitement to this one.

He spends about 30 seconds of the first minute he’s in the match in the air! He’s flying around all over the place, until Umaga kicks his fucking head off :mark:.

BLACK HOLE SLAM FROM THE MONSTER ABY… UMAGA!

UMAGA SMASHED JERICHO THROUGH A POD WITH HIS ARSE~!

SUPERKICK TO UMAGA! CODE BREAKER! PEDIGREE! SWANTON BOMB FROM THE TOP OF A POD! UMAGA IS ELIMINATED~!

SUPERKICK TO JERICHO! JERICHO IS ELIMINATED~!

TWIST OF FATE TO HBK! PEDIGREE! HBK IS ELIMINATED~!

Lol, most fun part of this match has been 3 eliminations in a row within like a minute :lmao.

Hardy misses a Swanton and gets Pedigreed, and THE GAME is going to WM… NO!!! HARDY KICKED OUT! HARDY KICKED OUT!!! I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FINISH!!!

Twist of Fate gets reversed and Hardy gets smashed back first onto the steel chair, then gets Pedigreed on it!

AND NOW HHH GOES TO WM!

Meh. Not too bothered about this match. I remember it being better. But honestly it was kinda dull outside of the eliminations that mostly happened all at once.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12.5

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