TNA is back on TV! POP TV to be more specific. They’ve… uuuhhh… gone through some shit in the last 6 months or so, but this is a nice, new fresh start. A new channel, a new champion, and hopefully a new direction. Ya know, opposed to no direction. I’m willing to give them a chance. But just this once. Current wrestling doesn’t do it for me in general, so if TNA don’t impress me here, I’m basically done with everything bar WWE. And I skip through Raw and PPV’s in less time than it takes to piss. Unless you have problems pissing. In which case you might be longer. It doesn’t take me long to skip through Raw and PPV’s is what I’m saying.
And the show starts with Dixie Carter. So much for change . We “chose” pop . Yeah ok Dixie. You turned down offers from those big tv networks in favour of Pop, did you? And the fans are chanting THANK YOU DIXIE. Is it too early to give up on the show?
EC III is still a thing, huh? And Tyrus too? Well… thought for sure he’d have been released/let go/quit by now, or at the very least have turned face on EC III and turned into a modified dancing dinosaur gimmick…
Oh my god this promo from EC3 is awful . Speaking of awful, Dixie is back on the mic. Someone please end this… oh joy it’s Matt Hardy. I miss being a Matt Hardy fan. Remember when he was fucking AWESOME? I do. And it makes me sad seeing him in TNA. At least he doesn’t look as fat, though he IS wearing black. He does however look OLD AS FUCK these days.
Fuck me I thought Sheamus had jumped to TNA for a second there . Nope, just Eric Young.
Lashley comes down to help… only after his music gets played. And even then he just strolls down to the ring with a little jog. Oh btw, the commentary throughout all of this? WWE quality.
So, it’s time for our first match. The first Semi-Final match in the fake World title tournament they created out of taped matches . Lashley Vs EC3. Maybe both have improved in the ring and I’ll like this?
Is Josh Mathews going through puberty? His voice keeps going deep and squeaky.
SPEAR~! About a minute into the match. EC3 ends up on the outside, so Lashley brings him back in and… starts acting like it’s the start of the match again instead of going for a pin at the very least. Oh and of course EC3 gets back on top like nothing happened to him. In the worst way possible too. Lashley runs at him, EC3 gets his boots up while in the corner… and Lashley hits NOTHING but still takes a bump .
Did… did Josh Matthews just advertise a show called SHITS CREEK on POP?
OH NOES I ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE SKIPPED THE REST OF THE MATCH WHAT A TERRIBLE SHAME I AM SO UPSET SO UPSET IN FACT I CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO REWIND AND WATCH THE WHOLE MATCH.
EC3 wins. Advances to the final. Shocks nobody.
Kurt Angle is walking. EXCITING!!! Best go to a break!
Back from a break? BOBBY ROODE IS WALKING TOO!!! Best interview him to see how his walk is going.
So Bobby is defending his… King of the Mountain title against ANYONE from ANY PROMOTION. Emphasis on ANY PROMOTION. If Jeff Jarrett shows up I’ll for a week straight.
KURT ANGLE IS WALKING TO THE RING~! Man, Angle is one hell of a walker. And if he keeps wrestling he’ll need one. So when is Angle leaving the company?
Angle Vs DREW MCINTYRE (Galloway) next week to kick start Angle’s farewell tour? Well… hmmm… I guess I’ll be watching at least ONE more match from TNA.
Drew says he STANDS UP when necessary. Me too!!! Only when ABSOLUTELY necessary though.
What the fuck is that? Oh, another guy coming out with a phone and taking a selfie. And now there’s this guy. Who is Eli Drake? And did he just imply Jesse is a pedo?
I like how Jesse just stands there facing away from Eli, while Eli is cutting his promo, just posing and smiling like a retard who doesn’t know where he is .
Huh, another promo-interrupt-promo-interrupt-brawl segment. Are we getting the second Semi-Final match right after this too? Ya know, for symmetry and all.
Darth Jeff predicts his brother Matt will be champion by the end of the night.
yep, the second Semi-Final match is taking place now. Matt Vs Eric Young. Exciting. So exciting, I accidentally on purpose again skipped the match. Matt wins. To the surprise of nobody. So we have Matt Hardy Vs EC3 in the world title final. To the surprise of nobody.
I predict Darth Jeff will turn on his brother. I just wonder who the Sith Lord behind the whole thing is . And keeping with the Star Wars theme… does that make Dixie the Jar Jar of TNA?
HOLY SHIT SOMEONE IS WALKING BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHO IT IS. POPE SAYS HE KNOWS WHO IT IS. BUT DOESN’T SAY WHO IT IS. BECAUSE STUFF.
Darth Jeff is approached by EC3 and Tyrus. Darth Tyrus? Sounds an awful lot like Count Dooku’s Darth name, Darth Tyranus. BUT THERE CAN ONLY EVER BE TWO. Someone needs to die to keep a balance within the dark side.
Alrighty then, King of the Mountain Championship Match time. Bobby Roode defends against a mystery opponent from ANY PROMOTION. Is it the guy we just saw walking? If so, is it James Storm? No, it’s Bram. Apparently. Exciting. He thinks it’s 2006. If only it was; TNA was mostly enjoyable back then.
Bram will FEAST ON YOUR BLOOD, apparently. So he’s a vampire?
Oh my god Josh is back to promoting more POP TV shows by just randomly bringing them up on commentary .
Roode wins (oh guess what I skipped most of the match) and they start to play BEER MONEY’s music by mistake . Eric Young shows up and attacks Roode, Bram joins in and hmmmm I WONDER WHO WILL SAVE ROODE?
OMG JAMES STORM HAS RETURNED TO SAVE BOBBY ROODE I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALL.
Storm has dropped his Wyatt gimmick and is back to being a redneck alcoholic. I’m cool with that. Shame they ruined the “surprise” with the music botch .
Backstage to the “beautiful people”. Angelina is 7 and a half months pregnant. And still underweight. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN?
Live on PPV… this Friday night? Beer Money Vs Bram & Young. On PPV. Friday. What?
Hmmm… I don’t watch the “divas revolution” in WWE/NXT. So whill I watch the Knockouts match here in TNA? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO.
Oh hey Maria. Did WWE not want to bring you back? Oh hi Mike Bennett. Did Maria only sign with TNA on the condition that you got hired too?
Bennett looks more like Armando Alejandro Estrada.
Maria looks hot though.
Main Event time. Hardy is limping. Darth Jeff is at ringside.
EC3 wins without Darth Jeff revealing his Dark Side nature, or a Sith Lord showing up. I am disappointed. What is this, one of the prequel films?
However, Matt at the end looks like he might turn to the dark side.
Oh boy, TNA just never changes, does it? Old talent returns to start up old teams and old feuds. New talent shows up and does the standard stuff that everyone does. Well, I guess I’ll catch TNA again when they get kicked off this network and pay some guy to run shows for them on his own public access station or something.