2008 Royal Rumble
Match 1 – MVP Vs Ric Flair – During Flair’s retirement angle. If he loses he retires. How many people honestly thought he’d lose to MVP lol? Not much to say about this. Flair does his Flair stuff, MVP controls the middle part of the match and tries desperately to be the man to end Flair’s career. Figure Four, Flair wins. Ok at best for the time it got. *.
Hornswoggle and Vince. Remember when Kennedy was going to be Vince’s son? But the whole internet KNEW that that was the plan? Plus Kennedy I think failed the wellness policy so he fucked himself over and WWE instead of changing the plan to make it work still… then randomly threw the midget into it. Nice to know they can bounce back when something screws up their original plans. LOL.
Match 2 – Chris Jericho Vs JBL – Anyone remember this feud? Happened just after Jericho returned and faced Orton, and JBL got involved in the match and cost Jericho the title. Then somehow this ended up as some EPICZ PERSONAL FEUD and I don’t really know why. Felt really forced. Didn’t think anything to this match last time I saw it either. But I’ve learnt to love JBL since then so who knows? Jericho is PISSED and goes right for JBL who keeps backing into the ropes to break things up, then waits for his moment to deck Jericho while the ref is holding him back, but it does nothing more than fuel the fire in Jericho and he comes back with some more HATE~! JBL gains the advantage and goes after the neck and throat because apparently he choked Jericho with a cable or something on Raw. Lack of build up videos screw matches like this up lol. Jericho goes SHOULDER FIRST into the ring post… and gets busted open. I THINK WRESTLING MIGHT BE FAKE! JBL beats down Jericho… Jericho makes his comeback, then decks JBL in the head with a chair. DQ… and then suddenly switch to a backstage camera. How… odd. This wasn’t that good. Decent brawl in parts, but the emotion was super forced and nobody cared. *.
Tranny Ashley knocks on Maria’s locker room door. Because Maria deserves her own locker room. Santino comes out. Talks some shit. Pointless.
Match 3 – Edge Vs Rey Mysterio – Finally, something I remember being good on this shitty show lol. Rey beats Edge in under SIX MINUTES to earn a title shot. Against Edge. LOL. Oh and technically he cheated too. Undertaker got involved. Like last year they put some build to a WM match with Undertaker and the WHC, but at least this time they put more focus into the RR title match. The Kennedy/Batista build up video was more Undertaker/Batista lol. MSG being a more “smarky” crowd boo Rey and cheer Edge. Which is odd because “smarky” crowds tend to cheer the good wrestlers. Which SHOULD mean they would be cheering REY. Referee Mickie Henson sends the Edge Heads to the back after they are caught just about to attack Rey on the outside. Random bit of info, Henson’s middle name is JAY, and he went by that as his “ring” name, but WWE changed it because it sounded too much like Mickie James. Then a few years later they completely took away referees names. Edge works over the knee of Mysterio, and Mysterio sells it beautifully even while using his usual faster paced high flying offence. Most guys who work similar to Rey will just ignore the leg and hit their shit and only sell afterwards. Not Rey. One of the MANY reasons he deserves to be mentioned as one of the best of all time. NOBODY was more consistent than him between 2002-2012 in WWE. Just a shame that when he returned he didn’t seem the same, plus he got stuck with Sin Cara. Rey builds some momentum and during this time manages to rest his knee long enough to have a burst of energy to hit a 619 and splash! Vickie breaks up the count, then puts herself between Edge and another 619! Edge counters a springboard attack into a SPEAR. Nice finish. Overall a really good match. Edge works the knee, Rey sells tremendously, cool finish. ***1/2.
Flair in a towel. Just what I wanted to see. Kennedy starts his feud with Flair that leads to a nothing match at NWO. HBK randomly shows up. Flair says nobody can beat HBK tonight. Until Batista shows up and he claims he just meant on nobody on RAW can beat HBK. Then HHH shows up. Tells Flair to get dressed. HBK shills his new T-Shirt. Funny stuff, which makes a change.
Maria. With a microphone. She… says something and I seriously have NO IDEA what she said. At all. Oh a kiss cam. Just what we need on PPV. Tranny Ashley shows up too. She asks Maria is she is interested in posing for Playboy. Santino is against it. Christ this lasts waaaaay too long. Santino has a “special” friend under a black sheet. Its Big Dick Johnson. Just what this segment was missing.
Match 4 – Randy Orton Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE title match time. Jeff is the IC champ at this time too. A very, very nice “clash of styles” type match here. Orton is a much more ground based wrestler with Jeff being a high flyer, so we have Orton doing what he can to keep Jeff on the mat, with Jeff at every chance he gets using his unique offence to try and pick up the win and his first WWE title. GOAT whisper in the wind here btw. He hits it absolutely PERFECTLY and Orton does a great bump off it as well. Screw that cage match with Umaga one that everyone talks about. THIS is where it’s at. More perfection with the execution of the finish. Twist of Fate countered into a beautiful RKO. Good match, always liked it, and nice to see that it held up and then some. ***1/2.
Match 5 – 30 Man Royal Rumble Match – *sigh* I don’t like this match. Well, I might after this watch, I’ve changed my mind on a bunch of things over these RR rambles so far. But yeah, going into it I’m not expecting much outside of a few moments. Last year the final 2 men were Undertaker and HBK. So who better to be #1 and #2 than…. UNDERTAKER AND HBK! Any chance to see these two go one on one makes me tingly in my groin. NO HOMO. WWE also parted with a bit of cash to get Michael Buffer to announce the Royal Rumble match. They should get him every year for the RR. LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETS GET REAAAAAAAAAAAAADY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! Shame Buffer absolutely sucked at announcing The Undertaker lol. Santino is #3. I love how he tries to “look big” lol. Reminds me of The Cat in the first episode of Red Dwarf. Except The Cat didn’t get superkicked in the face and thrown out of the Royal Rumble. Maybe I missed that episode. Huge “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE” chants for Khali lol. Batista comes out at #2, and they tease some more Undertaker Vs Batista stuff… until Dreamer of all people attacks Big Dave. Only to be eliminated LOL. #9 is none other than HORNSWOGGLE. I love when they waste entrants on useless fuckers. Screw surprise entrants or deserving mid carders getting a chance… let’s have commentators and midgets! Hornswoggle runs straight under the ring making his entrance even MORE pointless. Speaking of pointless it’s CHUCK PALUMBO. He’s like a really lame version of Undertaker’s ABA gimmick. And funnily enough had a sort of relationship with Michelle McCool on the show too. Guess she wanted the REAL thing LOL. Noble comes in like a house on fire (that phase makes no sense. A house on fire would just sit there and BURN down) and goes for CHUCKY because he has a thing for Michelle and Palumbo injured her on SD or something. He gets eliminated in seconds. CM PUNK. Don’t recal him being a favourite to win this year. Morrison on the other hand was certainly rumoured to win. LOL. Punk had more of a chance in 07 than Morrison did in 08. LMAO at Shelton Benjamin. Comes running in, jumps on the ropes to show off his athleticism and nearly takes out the tag champs, then hits his finisher on Punk… then eats some Sweet Chin Music and he’s done. HE’S THE GOLD STANDARD THO! Snuka and Piper going at it one more time in MSG with all the other wrestlers just standing back and watching is a pretty awesome moment. Pop for Piper is immense. Immense is a good work to describe the size of his GUT too lol. Punk is MARKING OUT watching lol. FOLEY! Huge reaction for him. SWEET CHIN MUSIC. UNDERTAKER IS ELIMINATED! KENNED Y ELIMINATES HBK! Undertaker is fucking furious… so he attacks Snitsky and leg drops him through a table. Miz gets eliminated by HORNSWOGGLE. LMFAO. Exactly what he deserves. Main event of WM? What a load of bollacks that was. Swoggle tries to eliminate Henry, who picks him up and brings him into the ring where he looks like he’s about to be raped by Henry, Big Daddy V and Chavo. Finlay runs in to make the save and takes him to the back. Hornswoggle was technically never eliminated. So he wins, right? Finlay gets DQ’D from the Rumble match for using his sheleighly. How much fucking bullshit is that? People can use chairs all they want, but a fucking sheleighly? GTFO! I always knew that’s the reason he was removed from the match, but SOME people told me it was because he jumped the gun and came out before his turn. JR SAYS OTHERWISE. I WAS RIGHT. YOU WERE WRONG. SUCK IT PEOPLE WHO PROBABLY WON’T EVER READ THIS. HHH VS MICK FOLEY in MSG is another mark out moment. So many great “mini battles” from the past in this match. HBK/Undertaker, HHH/Foley, Snuka/Piper, Undertaker/Batista, Undertaker/Khali, HBK/Kennedy, Undertaker/Kennedy and probably more too. We get stuff like this every year, but it’s not often their previous rivalries get mentioned to the extent they do here. #30 is JOHN CENA. Big surprise at the time because NOBODY expected it at all. Hularious listening to the MSG crowd who lose their shit when his music hits… then remember “oh noes we suposed to hatz him” and begin to boo. Everyone always talks about how they marked out for him showing up, and say that anyone who says otherwise is lying. Uhhh no… not everyone marked out for Cena. I’m one of them. I just sighed when he came out because at that moment I KNEW he was winning. And that sucked. For the first time in a VERY long time it was pretty impossible to tell who was winning. HHH, Batista, Morrison, Kennedy and others were all favoured to get the win. Then once Cena came out there was no mystery or anything. Cena was winning and that was that. Bah. Sucked the life out of the match. That aside though, I really enjoyed this! Which is a nice surprise because I always considered it one of the lesser Rumble matches. So that’s good! ***1/2.