Author: Big Cal

Taboo Tuesday 2004

 

Ahh, another new PPV added to the schedule in 2004. This time it’s on the Raw side of things, and rather than being a WCW event brought back from the dead.. it’s a new show. On a TUESDAY. Based around people voting for matches and stipulations on the interwebs! For what it’s worth, I liked the concept.

 

We start the show deciding what slutty outfits the divas should wear later tonight . Naughty Nurses, French Maids or School Girls? School Girls win.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Shelton Benjamin – Intercontinental Championship Match

So if I am remembering correctly, Jericho genuinely didn’t know who his opponent was until it was announced, and was told by the referee what the outcome would after the voting results were announced, and Jericho had to ask the referee what Shelton’s finisher was .

Shelton was the fan favourite in the audience, and the voting online was the same! Shelton got 37% of the votes… out of 15 people! Not bad!!!

ARM DRAG~!

ARM DRAG~!

ARM DRAG~!

ENZIGURI~! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!! WHAT? NO? SHELTON KICKED OUT? ISN’T THAT JERICHO’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended that handicap match with Christian and Trish Vs Jericho…

Jericho is working over the back of Shelton, with some nice FOOTBALL kicks (or soccer for you ‘MURICANS) and a backbreaker where he keeps Shelton on his knee and bends him as well as clubs his mid-section for extra effect.

Aaaaand then Shelton hits a superplex.

Jericho MISSES A PUNCH.

BULLDOG~!

MISSED LIONSAULT~!

FLYING CLOTHESLINE~! JERICHO KICKS OUT~! WHAT? ISN’T THAT SHELTON’S FINISHER? Oh, no, it’s just the shitty way they ended the Flair Vs Shelton match…

LIONSAULT CONNECTS~! Shelton kicks out though. No biggie.

Wait… isn’ THAT Jericho’s finisher? IT IS. And Shelton kicked out of it. And nobody cares.

T-BONE~! SHELTON WINS THE IC TITLE~!

Well this match is…ok. Absolutely nothing special, but a nice little match.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Promos from Edge, Benoit and HBK as they try to get the fans to vote for them into the WHC match later tonight. Edge is angry and after beating HBK and Benoit the night before believes he deserves this shot. Benoit cuts a GOOD PROMO. And HBK tells us he’s injured (which he was).

 

Aaaaand the winner is… HBK. Urgh. HHH Vs HBK. Fuck that shit. I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN EVERYONE WHO VOTED. Edge walks away pissed off.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler Vs Jazz Vs Molly Holly Vs Victoria Vs Nidia Vs Gail Kim – WWE Women’s Championship School Girl Outfit Fulfil Your Fantasy Battle Royal

FAP FAP FAAAAAP Trish looks AMAZING.

Lawler says he wants to go all the way back to kindergarten .

Jazz makes me wanna throw up.

FAP FAP Gail Kim looks great too.

FAP FAP STACY KIEBLER.

And now the entrances are done with… SKIP!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Gene Snitsky – Weapon of Choice Match

this fucking angle. On the surface it was… disturbing, sick and offence. Yet somehow they made it funny .

IT WASN’T MY FAULT~! Snitsky punting a baby into the crowd will always be .

THE ONLY THING DEAD AROUND HERE KANE, IS YOUR BABY~!

The CHAIN is voted as the weapon!

LITA FAP FAP at ringside too.

LOL at the referee just dropping the chain in the middle of them leaving them to fight over it .

And then… Kane throws it out of the ring. Because… PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

Oooook… after punching him in the face for about 20 seconds Kane goes outside and grabs the chain. WHY DIDN’T YOU USE IT TO START WITH?!

PUNCH TO THE FACE WITH THE CHAIN~! That beat UNDERTAKER in the chain match in 03 with Lesnar. Here, Snitsky just sells it like a normal punch .

Snitsky starts whipping Kane with the chain and I’m fairly certain the chain catches Kane in the balls at one point . SNITSKY KILLED THE CHANCE OF ANY MORE KANE BABIES!!!

LITA WANTS SNITSKY TO GO DOWN~!

Plenty of stuff in this match to satisfy people who like to see 2 big bastards beat each other… uhhh maybe I should rephrase that. Later.

DOUBLE BIG BOOT SPOT~! I’m a fan of that spot. Should happen more. Fuck the double clothesline crap.

Snitsky… brings in a steel chair and smashes it in Kane’s throat. And doesn’t get DQ’d. Because… uhhh…

After a few hard shots to the throat of Kane, Snitsky gets the chain again? Kane tries to fight back and Snitsky just fucking MAULS him with shots to the face!!!

CHAIR AROUND THE THROAT OF KANE~! SNITSKY JUMPS OFF THE ROPES ONTO IT~! KANE IS BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH~! THE REFEREE STOPS THE MATCH~! UHHHH OR NOT~! SNITSKY PINS KANE~!

MOST of this is really good. Some dumb moments, like how Snitsky was allowed to use a chair even though the only weapon allowed was the CHAIN, but overall this is a fun big man brawl!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Eric Bischoff Vs Eugene – Choose the Loser’s Fate Match

The loser becomes the winner’s servant or has to wear a dress for a month OR gets their head shaved. But we don’t get the results until AFTER the match. Which I’m skipping straight to .

Bischoff has to shave his head. Vince McMahon ends up coming out to make sure it happens, then randomly makes Coach put in the dress.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

La Resistance Vs Chris Benoit & Edge – World Tag Team Championship Match

So since Benoit and Edge lost a shot at the WHC… they get to face the tag champs instead lol. Normally I’d NO a Lad Resistance match, but it’s BENOIT. Plus Edge is all crazy and this might be good storyline/angle wise.

Match is average really, because La Resistance suck . One of them even manages to fuck up a FLAP JACK. Not the first time that’s happened to someone with Benoit though . At least we go get the nice storyline/character element in the match with Edge being pissed off and also distracted at the same time. At one point Benoit has to grab Edge on the outside and tell him to get back into the match because he’s too busy arguing with fans who likely voted for HBK to be in the main event over him lol.

Oh my god how long does this last? Even Edge gets fed up and fucks off lol.

Benoit beats the tag champs and wins the titles on his own.

Match lasts too long as is dull as fuck for 90% of it.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Christy Hemme Vs Carmella – Lingerie Pillow Fight

So Carmella was the runner up for that diva search crap, and was kept around for a while apparently.

Christy is FAP.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match

What? OH THANK FUCK. Almost had a heart attack when I saw 50 minutes left on the show and thought THIS was the main event. Still got Orton/Flair to go. Phew. Bad enough I gotta sit through this garbage, never mind another 50 minute match between the two. Still got Bad Blood to go though .

So HBK was willing to wrestle a title match on a PPV with his injured leg but wouldn’t even bother with a tag match at a live event I was at in Sheffield? WHAT A SELFISH PRICK .

Ok, the bell rings and… oooo Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is on tonight . No Person of Interest though. Fucks sake America, is it REALLY that hard to have a show run for a full season without having random weeks off ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

Anyway, the match has starts and HHH wants to go for the leg so HBK is fighting him off to save his… leg. Duh. FFS Shawn. He just want for a KICK with the injured leg. HHH caught it and now HBK is fucked. Serves him right for being so damn STUPID.

So this match isn’t BAD. It’s not their typical match because they aren’t trying to have some ***** classic epic ZOMGLEBOB match. This time HBK has the bad leg so it’s just HHH trying to maul the bad like and HBK trying to fight back. And it works. HBK does some dumb shit with the bad leg every now and then, but nothing that makes me wanna call this a horrible steaming pile of shit match lol.

HBK makes the best comeback he can make on one leg, Batista shows up, fails to cause a distraction and HHH gets SUPERKICKED TO HELL. Then EDGE shows up, Spears HBK, and HHH wins.

Like I said, this ain’t bad. It’s also nothing THAT special. Just a solid match… which is still one of their better matches together .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Mr Kennedy sighting backstage.

 

Randy Orton Vs Ric Flair – Steel Cage Match

Orton won the WHC and Evolution kicked him out, then HHH won the title from him. Now Flair wants Orton because… HHH beating him and taking the title from him wasn’t enough? Bah who cares, OLD MAN FLAIR IN A CAGE .

Lawler makes the comment that Flair has probably had more cage matches than Orton has had matches… and when I thought about it… it could actually be true . Orton has only really been wrestling for what, 3 years at this point? Flair would have a cage match with someone at a big event back in the 70’s and 80’s… then do it about 30 more times on house shows around the country. And he did it with more than one opponent over the years too. Then add up actual TV and PPV cage matches with the NWA/Mid-Atlantic, WCW and WWF back in the day, including WAR GAMES too and DAMN, you got a LOT of fucking cage matches!!!

Both guys start off trying to kill each other with punches and chops . Flair with a LOW BLOW right in front of the referee because, fuck it, CAGE MATCH . Then he sends Orton into the side of the cage a bunch of times and Orton is BLEEDING . FLAIR MAULING A BLOODIED ORTON INSIDE A CAGE . FLAIR’S FIST IS COVERED IN ORTON’S BLOOD FROM PUNCHING HIS HEAD .

NOW FLAIR IS BLEEDING~! Once Flair sees his own blood he tries to climb out of the cage, so Orton pulls down his pants and exposes Flair’s arse… something I’ve seen far too much as a wrestling fan .

Orton is pummelling Flair, so Flair has to go back to the LOW BLOW~!

HATE~! Plenty of that here . No fancy bullshit, just both guys bleeding and punching each other in the fucking FACE. Couldn’t have asked for much more tbh.

BRASS KNUCKS~! Orton is KNOCKED OUT!!! But still manages to KICK OUT!!!

“OHHH GOD, OH MY LEG GOD DAMMIT!!!” Flair rules . He manages to grab a chair while attempting to escape, but misses and Orton hits a fucking sweeeeeeet RKO for the win!!!

Yeah this was good shit. They just beat the FUCK out of each other. They both bled. It was exactly what it SHOULD have been. And this is still only the second best cage match Flair would have at Taboo Tuesday!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

The Great American Bash 2004

 

A new PPV added to the WWE schedule! And it was met with… uhhh… not so great reception due to how terrible the event was. Or at least how it’s remembered. BUT is it that awful? Eddie/JBL doesn’t scream “awful” to me. Not after their JD CLASSIC. But the rest of the card? We’ll see…

 

John Cena Vs Rene Dupree Vs RVD Vs Booker T – WWE United States Championship Match

Fuck me look at the LACK OF TALENT in this match . Seriously, outside of a very small handful of matches, Cena sucked around this time. Dupree? Don’t make me laugh. RVD? Could be good but overall not my thing. And Booker T? fuck off.

Well even if I WANTED to sit through this, the file I have to watch it on just crapped out during Cena’s attempted rap.

Ok, 2 days later and I’ve got the NETWORK version of the show. Also…

NO .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Charlie Hass Vs Luther Reigns

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

*sigh* a fucking Chavo match. Their NWO match used to be one of the few Chavo matches I liked. On last watch it wasn’t good. This is usually considered his best… fuck knows what I’ll end up thinking of it now .

the referee gets a 2 count from THIS:

WELL DONE MINI FLAIR. I don’t blame him though, I’d have counted too in hopes of ending this match and not having to sit through CHAVO any more .

Rey starts kicking Chavo’s legs and it allows him to build momentum… so he then switches up and goes after the arm. Despite the fact he was just working over the leg. WHAT?

Chavo DROPKICKS Rey off the ropes to the floor. LOL, of course it was a dropkick…

So Chavo is building momentum and… goes after Rey’s legs! Cuts 99% of Rey’s offence if he can’t walk so it’s smart, plus knee surgeries and shit too. Plus Chavo probably remembered how much his leg was bothering him a few minutes earlier when Rey went after it… before moving to the arm for NO REASON.

Fuck me I’m bitching at REY in a CHAVO match. Hold on, need to see if hell froze over…

Yep. Cold as fuck down there.

COLE CONFUSED A BULLDOG WITH A DDT.

Chavo actually looks… some what kinda barely sorta a little bit not so terribly shite in this! His attack to Rey’s legs is pretty gosh darn awesome, plenty of varied offence thrown in too. And Rey, well he’s Rey. Great selling, wonderful hope spots, and all round goodness.

They battle on the top rope at one point and meh, it’s pretty shitty tbh. They were positioned as if they were gonna do a superplex to the floor rather than in the ring, then grabbed hold of each other’s head and jumped into the ring and smashed each other face first and it looked sooo fucking FAKE lol.

Rey does well selling his leg while still being able to get some of his usual offence in. He holds his leg while trying to run, then when he does bounce off the ropes and hits something he tends to roll away from Chavo and hold the leg again rather than follow up or even make a cover.

GORY BOMB~!

Chavo actually still selling his ARM at this point too btw. Rey didn’t do much to it earlier in the match, but Chavo did ram it into the ring post at one point during a Rey hope spot, so nice of him to still show that it’s bothering him at points when it makes sense to.

I keep complimenting Chavo. I FEEL SO DIRTY.

WEST COAST POP COUNTERED INTO A SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB~!

Rey holds on for a good while, then finally makes it to the ropes and the fans are on fucking FIRE for it!!!

Another Gory Bomb attempt, but Rey counters into a sunset flip and gets the 3!!! CHAVO LOSES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Great match! Thank FUCK this ended up being great! Would hate to think I’d sat through a Chavo match for it to be shitty. Best Chavo singles match? Can’t think of anything better atm.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Kenso Susuki Vs Billy Gunn

this is a fucking PPV match?

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

PAUL HEYMAN . HE’S GOT PAUL BEARER TIED UP~!

 

Sable Vs Torrie Wilson

FAP

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Mordecai Vs Hardcore Holly

Holly goes right after Mordecai and beats the FUCK out of him lol. The on the outside Mordecai throws Holly into his cross thingy and follows up with a vicious clothesline on the floor.

Still makes me that this guy was supposed to be built as a big opponent for Undertaker. Seeing him again makes me wonder why people liked his gimmick. He just comes out in a white robe with a cross and… uhhh… that’s about it really. His in ring work? Nothing horrible, but nothing amazing either. Decentish brawler, but oh look, REST HOLDS.

at the spot where they bump heads .

Nice little finishing stretch from these two, as they both hit some nice high impact moves and take turns at kicking out of shit. Enjoyed the actual finish too, Mordecai turning an Alabama Slam into a RAZOR’S EDGE.

This was a fine little match tbh. Needed less rest holds from Mordecai, but they didn’t last long at least.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs JBL – WWE Championship Texas Bull Rope Match

their JD match was fucking INCREDIBLE and I have high hopes for this too. On previous watches its not been as good as JD, but still a great match so hopefully it holds up .

Tony Chimmel reading the rules of the match makes me wanna shoot myself lol. He’s reading off a fucking card and STILL fucks up .

the rope comes off Eddie within about a minute .

Match really starts off awkward. Ropes comes off Eddie’s arm, Eddie gets caught up in the rope a couple of times, and it has the makings of being a MESS of a match. BUT it quickly switches from awkward to good . Mainly because they start trying to wrestle a normal match for the most part without using the rope to strangle each other and shit lol.

JBL’s punches .

JBL just dropping to the floor so Eddie can barely move him when he tries to touch the corners and win .

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

Tree of woe in the corner, then JBL uses the rope to choke the hell out of Eddie! BRUTAL~!

JBL tries to fucking POWERBOMB Eddie from one announce table to the other, but Eddie slides away, wraps the rope around JBL’s leg and trips him up, causing Bradshaw to fall back first onto the table!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

Eddie using the rope to his advantage, sending JBL into the ring post multiple times!!!

shades of JD with the SICK chair shot… only this time it’s EDDIE nailing JBL in the face! Eddie has a sweeeeet smile on his face afterwards, and JBL is BLEEDING .

Another chair shot to JBL!!! Eddie touches 3 corners, but again JBL drops down to make it harder on Eddie, and even wraps his legs around the ring ropes to prevent Eddie from hitting number 4!

Eddie tries again, and makes it to 3 once more, but JBL desperately grabs hold of the ring ropes to keep Eddie from victory.

JBL’s power gets him back in control, mainly thanks to those big right hands. Eddie tries to use his SPEED to hit all 4 corners before JBL can really know what’s happening, but again JBL uses his power to stop Eddie.

FROG SPLASH~!

Again Eddie gets 3, and this time JBL rolls OUTSIDE of the ring and just collapses on the floor, with the rope not being long enough for Eddie to reach the last corner!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

JBL LAUNCHES EDDIE OFF THE APRON ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE USING THE ROPE AROUND HIS NECK!!! THE TABLE DOESN’T BREAK~!

POWERBOMB THROUGH THE FUCKING TABLE~! It broke that time!!!

JBL gets Eddie back into the ring. He’s bleeding, but has a HUGE smile on his face because he thinks he has this match WON now. Just like Eddie, he gets 3 corners and EDDIE drops to the mat and grabs the ropes, just as JBL did multiple times in the match!

COW BELL TO THE HEAD~!

EDDIE FIRES UP~!

Eddie starts touching corners, but JBL does it right after him for each one too! Both have 3 (though the first light for JBL doesn’t work ), and now it’s a battle for #4!!!

Guerrero dives into the corner and hits the turnbuckle and retains his title! EDDIE WINS! EDDIE WINS!

Wait! Angle shows up, and explains that JBL is in fact the winner!!! What?!?! We get a replay, and it shows us JBL hitting the corner FIRST!

HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A NEW WWE CHAMPION! JBL IS THE NEW WWE CHAMPION!! BOOOOOOO!

Absolutely HATED the decision for this lol. Hated JBL at the time and wanted Eddie to hold the belt for a long arse time. Looking back I STILL want Eddie to win, but I’ve grown to love JBL too.

Match is great. Starts off a mess, but they quickly get into their groove and work within the limitations of a Bull Rope match to give us something DAMN FUCKING GOOD.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

The Undertaker Vs The Dudley Boys – Concrete Crypt Match

For all the hate this entire angle gets, I kinda like it. Heyman motivates The Dudley Boys and they team up. Dudleys kidnap Paul Bearer to gain control of THE URN and force Undertaker to join them. And if he doesn’t do what they want, they’ll hurt Bearer. And then we get to this match. If Undertaker doesn’t DO THE RIGHT THING aka PUT OVER THE DUDLEY BOYS, then Heyman is going to KILL Paul Bearer by pouring concrete into a crypt which Paul Bearer will be locked inside!!!

Absolutely CRAZY concept yes, but the MATCH is what counts, not the insane potential murder after the match .

To help motivate Undertaker before the match, Heyman pours some concrete into the crypt to cover Bearer’s feet! Bubba then gets in Undertaker’s face and tells him to LAY DOWN. The Dead Man is conflicted, looking over at Bearer constantly, then finally ACTUALLY LAYING DOWN!!!

Bubba goes for a cover, but Undertaker grabs him by the throat!!! Then Devon runs in and gets caught too, but Heyman distracts him and the Dudley’s begin to beat down the Dead Man for daring to defy them!!!

UNDERTAKER is fucking PISSED though and takes it to both of the tag team champs! OLD SCHOOL~! But before he can jump off the ropes, Heyman screams BAD DOG at him and pours more concrete into the crypt!!! Now Bearer is covered in concrete up to his tits!!!

Dudley Boys keep trying to beat down Undertaker but he can’t stay down and let 2 men beat him up so he continues to fight back, and Heyman pulls the lever again and intends to END Bearer for good!!! However Bubba pulls it back up and tells Heyman that he and Devon are gonna get the job done themselves!!!

The distraction from Heyman and Bearer, along with the numbers game, finally catches up to the Dead Man and now he’s in the fight of his life. Or Bearer’s life, anyway .

UNDERTAKER COMEBACK~!

LOW BLOW~!

Heyman thinks the Dudleys are back in full control and comes to ringside, only for Undertaker to sit up right in front of him! CHOKESLAM TO BUBBA! TOMBSTONE TO DEVON! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!

Heyman ain’t happy. Undertaker didn’t DO THE RIGHT THING, so he has to kill the one person Undertaker cares about! LIGHTING BOLT!!! Undertaker shoots a lightning bolt to prevent Heyman from pulling the lever!

The Dead Man goes after Heyman… then looks over at Bearer…

“PAUL. I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. REST. IN. PEACE.”

UNDERTAKER PULLS THE LEVER!!! UNDERTAKER KILLS PAUL BEARER!!! WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!??!

I’ve heard people complain about this or be confused as fuck about this… which confuses me because IT AIN’T ROCKET SCIENCE YOU DUMB CUNTS. For weeks, Dudleys and Heyman were able to CONTROL The Undertaker through Paul Bearer. They made it perfectly clear to the world that Bearer is the only person Undertaker cares about. So when the time came for Undertaker to save his friend or kill him off… Undertaker decided to kill him off because HE WAS HIS ONE WEAKNESS. Even if Undertaker saved him, what would stop the next guy from trying to pull the same stunt? How many other people would come after Bearer to control Undertaker? Undertaker DID THE RIGHT THING.

In ring action ain’t THAT good really, gets dull with the Dudleys working over Undertaker, but the angle for the match and the stuff with Heyman makes up for that imo. I like this, and while it isn’t anything special, it’s certainly NOT BAD AT ALL.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 6.5

Backlash 2004

 

WM main event rematch! Hardcore match! And… nothing else I remember!

 

Shelton Benjamin Vs Ric Flair

This is during Benjamin’s first big singles push where he beat TRIPLE H TWO WEEKS IN A ROW.

FLAIR WAS WINNING TITLES THE SAME YEAR BENJAMIN WAS BORN. Dayum lol. Flair is OLD. And still more awesome than 90% of the wrestling world.

So the early going of this is Flair trying to show Shelton up because he’s a newb and Flair is GOD, but Shelton has the amateur wrestling ability, youth and athleticism on his side allowing him to constantly show up Flair.

If simply being a VETERAN isn’t enough to put Flair in control… then maybe some DIRTY TACTICS will! THUMB TO THE EYE~! And the fans are eating it all up. MUCH LOVE FOR THE NATURE BOY IN CANADA!

Match structure definitely reminds me of an old school Flair main event match. He’s fighting from underneath as he lets his opponent show him up and out shine him early on, then one mistake later and Flair is working over the leg. This could have been a pretty sweet title match back in the day. Shelton in STING’S position? Yes please. Aaaaand now I want Shelton Vs Vader lol.

Fuck me, Lawler brought up that Flair was gonna take Shelton to school here tonight… and I’ll be damned if BOTH Lawler and JR don’t run that whole analogy into the fucking GROUND lol. Especially when Flair grabs a chair. Sweet jebus .

Ouch, Flair does his over the turnbuckle spot… then slips off the apron. Surprised he didn’t hurt his leg there.

BRASS KNUCKS~! But Shelton hits a Stinger Splash and knocks them off. Flying clothesline… and this is over with. Lol. Wait… Stinger Splash? SHELTON REALLY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN STING’S SPOT!!!

Match started off fun… then half way into it, it just fell apart and the finish ended up being really FLAT. Shame because this was looking to be good at one point.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Orton promo. Says he’s the longest reigning IC champ in SEVEN YEARS. Wait… hasn’t he only held the title for 5 months? DAMN lol. Good promo by Orton. I miss this Orton . COME BACK GOOD ORTON.

 

The Coach Vs Tajiri

ARM DRAG BY COACH~! KICK BY TAJIRI~!

Coach runs away after getting kicked a few times, then Tajiri misses a kick and ends up cracking his leg on the ring post! Love how Coach looked too confused to capitalise on it straight away, playing into the REAL fact that he’s not a wrestler. Or at least he wasn’t until tonight. SOMEONE GONE TRAINED THE COACH!

Tajiri kicking out of a leg submission on the mat .

Crowd are kinda stunned + bored + WTF for all of this .

Tajiri sells the leg well and KICKS~! awesome when he’s making his comeback. Coach does surprisingly well, and GETS THE WIN… after Garrison Cade decks Tajiri in the face.

This ain’t awful!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Chris Jericho Vs Christian & Trish Stratus

So what did we learn from this feud? TRISH LIKES IT ROUGH.

Also, that there must have been a time where Vince didn’t HATE Christian. He beat JERICHO at WRESTLEMANIA XX. Pretty fecking huge tbh lol. And then a year and a half later, Christian leaves for TNA because WWE don’t seem to want him .

“HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT TRISH STRATUS AND NOT HAVE HARD FEELINGS?”

Oh man at the start of this . Jericho decks Christian, leaving Trish all alone, so he just SMILES at her and she runs like fuck to get away .

at Trish’s reaction when Jericho knocks her off the apron.

TRISH GETS TAGGED IN~! CHICK KICK TO JERICHO~!

ACCIDENTAL HEADBUTT TO CHRISTIAN’S BALLS~!

TRISH GETS SPANKED~!

FUCK ME at Christian’s bump from the bulldog!

Might I just say at this point, that this match has been rather dull and uneventful outside of the spots I’ve mentioned in CAPS. A massive step down from their incredible WM match.

Match ends… with an enzeguri.

BOOOORING and crappy. Shocked and disappointed.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Eugene backstage looking at a divas magazine, then walking into the divas locker room and seeing Gail Kim in her underwear. And Molly Holly without her wig. Regal is awesome though .

 

Victoria Vs Lita – WWE Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Randy Orton Vs Mick Foley – WWE Intercontinental Championship No Holds Barred Match

Orton has considered this one of his best matches ever, and Foley to my knowledge still considers this his absolute best, beating out the Mind Games match with HBK. Never thought THAT highly of it myself, but it’s still been a match I thought was fucking great. As long as it holds up I’ll be happy happy happy.

Love the chaotic start to this one, with Foley going after Orton with BARBIE, and Orton avoiding it at all costs. We have a camera man getting dizzy trying to keep up which adds to the whole experience, then he even falls over which is awesome too lol.

TRASH CAN TO THE HEAD~! Foley’s brain cells are going… going… GONE!

Damn, Foley is IN SHAPE here! He looks better than he did for… well… his entire WWF/E career lol. I know that after his disappointment at WM, he really got into shape for this, but I forgot how THIN the guy looked lol.

BACK SUPLEX ON THE STEEL RAMPWAY. Foley’s head CRACKS. Ouch!

ANOTHER back bump on the rampway by Foley. It’s almost like he HATES his own brain cells lol!

MR SOCKO~! Hmmm… seems out of place in this kind of match though. What to do… what to do… GIVE MR SOCKO BARBIE~! RIGHT TO THE FACE OF RANDY ORTON~! RANDY ORTON IS BLEEDING!!!

Foley throwing punches to the open wound . Is it weird that I always for that kind of stuff?

Orton is bleeding and keeps getting his face torn apart by barbed wire. So Foley gives him a break… and legdrops Barbie into his testicles!

FIRE~! FOLEY HAS GASOLINE AND A LIGHTER~! HE’S GONNA SET BARBIE ON FIRE~!

Aaaaaand then Bischoff comes out and stops him, saying the PPV would get shut down if he does. So like, was the fire a planned spot but they later found out they couldn’t do it so they did that? Or did they just plan the “can’t do it” spot? Either way it seemed… pointless.

Well, if fire can’t be used, might as well up the usage of BARED WIRE, with a big wooden board COVERED in the stuff!!!

ORTON JUST THREW TESTICLE DUST IN FOLEY’S FACE~! Seriously… where the FUCK did that come from?

BODY SLAM ONTO THE BARBED WIRE BOARD~! Foley starting to get a taste of his own medicine. And it tastes metallic and possibly bloody.

Fuck me sideways they REALLY fucking teased Orton going into the barbed wire board lol. I mean, they did it before when Orton threw the TESTICLE DUST to escape, but those Irish Whip reversals were DAMN CLOSE lol. I’ve seen this fucking match before and I STILL thought he was going into it .

THUMBTACKS~! Orton signalling for an RKO… BUT FOLEY REVERSES~!

ORTON BACK FIRST INTO THE FUCKING THUMBTACKS~! Orton’s reaction is fucking HILARIOUSLY AWESOME .

Randy runs the FUCK AWAY because, who the hell wouldn’t? Up to the rampway and… ORTON GETS THROWN OFF THE RAMP THROUGH SOME WOODEN STAGE CONVENIENTLY SET UP THERE~!

Foley is jealous that Orton got to have so much fun, so he decides to ELBOW DROP off the stage . FUN~!

Fucking hell the camera angle for the elbow drop makes me CRINGE every time, because there is a bit of wood that’s now a VERY SHARP POINTY THING and Foley’s head comes dangerously fucking close lol.

ORTON STILL KICKS OUT~! Crazy to think that Foley MADE TWO MEMBERS OF EVOLUTION with crazy hardcore style matches. And he did it with HHH TWICE, once as a mid-carder when HHH was moving away from the rich snob gimmick and again as a full blown main eventer. FOLEY IS GOD.

Back in the ring and… MR SOCKO IS BACK~! MANDIBLE CLAW~!

EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TO ESCAPE~!

RIGHT BACK INTO A MANDIBLE CLAW~!

COUNTERED INTO AN RKO~!

poor ref did a 2 count in thumbtacks. Bet he’s glad the match didn’t end there.

RKO ON BARBIE~! ORTON WINS!!!

Match is still fucking great, but I still don’t think as highly of it as most people. Prefer the WM 22 match with Foley/Edge as far as post Foley retirement hardcore matches go. Still, this really helped MAKE Orton and showed that he was more than just a pretty boy 3rd generation wrestler.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

La Resistance Vs The Hurricane & Rosey

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kane Vs Edge

Remember when Edge returned after being out for over a year… then broke his hand straight away .

Kane targets the broken hand . Kane punches the broken hand that’s still in a cast then sells his own hand .

Edge is back in Canada and the fans don’t give a SHIT. LOL. Edge does absolutely NOTHING for a good while though. Punches Kane a bunch of times at the start of the match because… I dunno, he’s returned as a brawler now? Either way he’s been a steaming pile of what I’ll produce a little later on in the toilet after eating a Sunday dinner .

at Lawler’s call for Edge’s “Edgecution” aka the lifting DDT he was using AS A FINISHER before he got injured “that’s something there…”.

Cast to Kane, followed by a Spear and this is over. Short and shit.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chris Benoit Vs Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship Match

WM rematch! I’ve never been able to sit through this in full in YEARS. It’s kinda like Rock/Jericho from the 02 RR… regardless of how good it is (or could be, fuck knows what I think to it these days lol), it just PUTS ME TO SLEEP. I managed to overcome my sleep issues with Rock/Jericho and enjoyed that match. Is today the day I finally watch this in full? I hope so, wanna get this out of the way lol.

Match starts off fun and full of energy. Crowd finally give a shit about something (Benoit) which helps too. Everyone is beating the shit out of each other with punches and CHOPS, and man oh man Benoit’s chops are LETHAL.

Is Benoit the best “fall out of sight from a bump” guy? I remember the one from Rebellion 2000 (check my ramble for it gif of it)… and now this:

I *think* the fans keep chanting “you screwed Bret” at HBK… but it sounds more like “you sold out” . Damn Canadians and their crazy accent. What’s that all aboot?

HBK spazzes out after a diving headbutt. Flops around like a fish out of water. There’s selling a move and then there’s HBK flopping a move .

HUGE POP FOR THE SHARPSHOOTER!

CROSSFACE TO HBK! BUT NO REFEREE, SO BENOIT GIVES UP~!

SHARPSHOOTER BY HBK~! IN CANADA~! TO A CANADIAN~! IN A TITLE MATCH~! AND EARL HEBNER SHOWS UP~! Gotta <3 WWE sometimes lol.

Big “let’s go Benoit” chant from the crowd… until HHH drops him on his head with a DDT and everyone shuts up .

“THEY’VE SEEN BENOIT CHOKE BEFORE MANY TIMES”

Oh god then IMMEDIATELY after that Lawler mentions his wife at ringside has seen him choke many times too . Akwaaaard…

TABLE SPOT~! that was the fucking dumbest shit I’ve seen HBK do in a LONG TIME . He basically does a DIVING ELBOW DROP through the table… but HHH and Benoit ARE STOOD UP AND FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE TABLE. What the FUCK was he attempting to achieve? JR claims he was going for a cross body. Yeah ok. LOL.

At least in this match though someone other than Benoit gets taken out for a bit. I don’t think I could manage with another HBK Vs HHH segment. I still have Bad Blood HIAC to get through. That’s gonna take everything I’ve got to not shoot myself half way through. Would have preferred HHH took himself out so we got HBK Vs Benoit…

“ASSHOOOOOLE” Canadians are funneh .

Jebus, Lawler CONTINUES TO CALL BENOIT A CHOKER throughout this match.

Match gets boring around this time tbh. HHH is super slow and methodical but not doing anything particularly good or interesting so it just because SLOW AND DULL. Oh great, HBK comes back and Benoit ends up on the outside and we are “treated” to HBK Vs HHH for a little while…

No wonder I’ve always given up on this match lol . HHH control segment followed up with HHH Vs HBK? Urgh .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO BENOIT~!

LOW BLOW TO HBK~!

MR SLEDGEHAMMER~!

Poor HBK gets a shot to the back.

HHH goes head first into the ring post and… lands in the crowd .

SWEET CHIN MUSIC~! COUNTERED INTO A SHARPSHOOTER~!

HBK taps. BENOIT WINS.

Eh. Huge step down from their WM match, which I don’t think is exactly the GOAT WM match or anything either lol. First half is mostly good, but the second half gets dull as shit.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

Judgment Day 2004

 

I cannot wait to get to the main event. EDDIE VS JBL . Just hope the rest of the card isn’t too awful lol.

 

Rey Mysterio & RVD Vs The Dudley Boys

Awesome start to this match; Bubba screams at the ref because Rey isn’t holding onto the tag rope, so while the ref is dealing with Rey… Devon shows up and nails RVD from behind while Bubba gets out of the ring and stands on the apron .

RVD does a pretty sweeeeeeet kick to Devon’s head… but at the same time it was hilarious because it looked like RVD just fell to the floor and then his leg bounced off the mat .

More great heel tag work from those DAMN DUDLEYS as Bubba keeps attacking RVD while on the apron, and pulling the ropes down in order to gain an unfair advantage.

I swear RVD doesn’t do ANYTHING except kick for the entire time he’s in the match before Rey gets a hot tag, aside from a dive over the ropes about 2 minutes into the match .

Rey’s turn to be FIP. He tries for the West Coast Pop but Bubba catches him in a powerbomb position, then throws him up and back so he lands throat first on the ropes .

Dudley’s are totally ruling in this. They just BEAT DOWN whoever happens to be in the ring with them. Nothing fancy, just big clubbing blows. Bubba lands one hell of a fucking shot to Rey’s ribs while setting him up for a suplex. He just winds back and decks Rey in the ribs with a right hand. Just for the fucking hell of it.

Can’t believe I wasn’t looking forward to this. I like Rey and I like the Dudley Boys, and at times RVD can be good too. I guess the whole “2004” Dudley Boys put me off a bit because when I was watching all this stuff at the time, the Dudleys were stale as FUCK to me. But this is an awesome tag match. Perfect example of how a tag match should be done.

RVD hot tag and… holy shit he does a clothesline!!! Followed by some kicks .

Lol, you KNOW the Wassup headbutt isn’t going to happen when the referee doesn’t even attempt to pretend there is something to distract him .

Shades of READY TO RUMBLE with RVD launching Rey up into Devon who is sat on the turnuckle ready for a hurricanrana. I love that move lol. And I love that movie!

619~! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH~! RVD AND MYSTERIO WIN~!

Yeah this is kinda awesomes.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Booker T gets interviewed and half of his promo is him turning AWAY FROM THE MICROPHONE so we can barely hear his shit .

 

at Angle having his own PORTABLE RAISING STAND . GM wheelchair Kurt was awesome. Angle says he hopes LA gets the biggest earthquake in history once he leaves. HE WANTS TO KILL THEM ALL . Now he wants to end Torrie Wilson’s career.

 

Torrie Wilson Vs Dawn Marie – If Torrie Loses She’s Fired

Hmmm… a career IS on the line in this match… and yet I’m still not watching .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL backstage promo .

 

Scotty 2 Holly Vs Mordecai

Mordecai . He was originally set to be a big opponent for Undertaker .

.

.

This is a decent enough squash. at Scotty hitting a superkick and nearly doing the worm. I’d have given this ***** is Scotty actually landed it .

RAZOR’S EDGE~!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chavo Classic with his pants down . Jacqueline shows up and brings Chavo Jr a gift… bra and panties! at Chavo Classic in the background playing around with them .

 

Rico & Charlie Hass Vs Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Rico & Charlie Hass were tag champs?

Harcore Holly & Billy Gunn are teaming here? Did they run out of actual tag teams?

at Billy and Bob (ha, Harcore has teamed with both GUNNS) arguing over who starts the match against Rico.

Did they ever do a Rico and Goldust tag or match?

Hass frustrates Holly by taking the match to the mat and owning him. at Rico slapping Hass’ tits to tag in. Then he bums Holly who runs away and tags out.

Rico is hilarious. Slapping people on the arse, grabbing arses, slapping tities and tweaking nipples . Gunn tries to run and tag out but Holly dives off the apron to avoid it .

Seems that Billy Gunn isn’t the ASS MAN that Rico was hoping .

Hass gets back in and now Holly and Gunn can mount some offence as they feel more comfortable dominating a guy wearing nothing but boots and super short shorts… while Rico is fully dressed .

Miss Jackie is great on the outside just bouncing around. Lucky Hass gets to hit that any time he wants. Unless she’s tired. or has a headache. Or doesn’t feel like it. Or is mad at him for something he should know about but doesn’t and she refuses to tell him what it is…

“DON’T YOU HURT MY CHARLIE” that was from RICO and not Jackie .

“HERE COMES RICO EXPLODING ON BILLY GUNN” .

FAMEASSER TO RICO~!

GERMAN TO GUNN~!

ALABAMA SLAM COUNTERED BY A SUPERKICK TO THE FACE WHICH TURNS INTO A SUNSET FLIP FOR THE 3 COUNT~!

Cool finish. Fun match. Rico stuff was awesome . This show is turning out to not be quite as awful as I was expecting. So far…

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

THE UNDERTAKER~! AND PAUL BEARER~! JUST RANDOMLY STANDING BACKSTAGE WITH PURPLE LIGHTING AND SMOKE~!

 

Jacqueline Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match, Chavo’s arm is tied behind his back

like I’m even gonna attempt this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Rene Dupree – WWE United States Championship Match

fuck this shit.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Undertaker Vs Booker T

Man I still remember the episode of SD when Undertaker first appears to confront Booker T. Fans went fucking APESHIT . In fact I think I have it on disc somewhere. Might pop it in later just to watch that segment lol.

Shame Undertaker was stuck with Booker T after returning as the Dead Man at WM. Booker T sucks. If only Lesnar had stayed . Lesnar? Undertaker? THE STREAK ISN’T BROKEN DAMMIT .

at Booker T with a bag of dirt. Apparently it’s to help him against The Undertaker. It’d be more useful for him to throw the dirt in Undertaker’s eyes…

“It’s often debated, of whether or not the Undertaker is dead or alive” are you fucking serious Cole? 6 months ago he was a fucking redneck biker. WE KNOW HE ISN’T REALLY DEAD .

Booker T shoves Undertaker… so Undertaker blasts him in the face with a right hand. Booker T no smart.

Undertaker dominates Booker early on, until Booker manages to smash Undertaker’s throat down onto the ropes and follow up with a missile dropkick. And his control segment lasts about a minute before Undertaker is back in charge . Can’t complain, I don’t really buy Booker being in control of DEAD MAN Undertaker for long. You know, because Booker T sucks.

LAST RIDE~! BOOKER T ESCAPES~! THROWS THE DIRT INTO UNDERTAKER’S EYE~! I swear I did NOT remember Booker T doing that. But I totally said he should have at the start!!!

it’s totally worthless though, Undertaker just gets PISSED.

KNEE FIRST INTO THE TURNBUCKLE~! Booker T can work the leg of Undertaker now, which might be more believable for him to control the match than punching Undertaker in the face like he tried earlier…

I know Paul Bearer wasn’t in the best of health around this time after his surgery, but fuck me, he does NOTHING on the outside. In fact I forgot he was there until he stood next to Undertaker while he was on the outside recovering from being sent knee first into the steel steps.

Fucks sake Booker. Undertaker’s KNEE is hurt… and you are locking in a FRONT FACE LOCK? Why are you so damn retarded?

AXE KICK~! Undertaker kicks out and sits up! Screw you and your shitty finisher!

CHOKESLAM~! Booker T jumps too high and nearly fucks up the move .

TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER~! This is over.

Match is ok. Nothing special, but certainly watchable, and being BIASED like I am for Undertaker matches, I enjoyed it more than most people probably will .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs JBL – WWE Championship Match

THIS is the match I’ve been waiting for. What a fucking build up to this one too. JBL goes from a beer drinking tag wrestler to who he actually is in real life, a rich bastard . He wants to succeed in wrestling just as he has in the stock market. He gets a title shot, then proceeds to mess with Eddie, and even his family, causing his mother to have a heart attack! Eddie is fucking PISSED and goes nuts, killing everyone he sees with a steel chair, and taking JBL he’s going to kick the SHIT out of him. He said SHIT. He hit babyfaces, heels and referees with a chair. And we LOVED IT, because it’s exactly what we’d expect someone to do in this situation. None of this smiley smiley Cena crap.

JBL cuts a promo before the match and says he just fired his maid because she stole from him, but he’ll happily hire Eddie’s MUM. What a cunt!

EDDIE chants before he even comes out . Love this entrance btw. He plays to the crowd like always, because he loves his fans and knows they helped him get to where he is, but as he gets closer to the ring, he keeps glancing over at JBL and you see him stop smiling for a moments before going back to slapping hands of fans and whatnot. And then he gets to the ring and doesn’t take his eyes of JBL. He’s fucking pissed and JBL is going to PAY tonight .

Bell rings and Eddie charges at JBL and beats the FUCK out of him. Or SHIT, to be more precise! No locking up, no feeling each other out, just pure VIOLENCE .

JBL bumps like crazy for Eddie. Going down from just one punch, despite the size difference which would put people off going down from one shot. He damn near kills himself going head first into the ring post and then diving over the announce table (nearly taking out the Spanish announcers too lol). Always great when a heel will go out of their way to really put over the babyface no matter what.

Man, JBL gets NOTHING in for the first 3 or 4 minutes. Awesome.

An Irish Whip reversal gives JBL a chance to recover and finally go on the attack. He gives it all back to Eddie, punching him in the face and even sending him over the Spanish Announce table!

Like the use of a headlock by JBL here. He keeps blasting Eddie and knocking him down, but the champ keeps bouncing back up, refusing to stay down, so JBL just grabs him in a headlock and powers him down to the mat to KEEP him down.

CROSSBODY OVER THE ROPES~! JBL CATCHES HIM~! FALL AWAY SLAM ON THE FLOOR~!

BACK BODY DROP~! EDDIE LANDS ON THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE~! TABLE DOESN’T BREAK~! But Eddie is STILL getting back up and trying to fight!!! NOTHING will stop him from avenging his family!!!

JBL does a nice job just trying to beat down and wear down Eddie, but man oh man Eddie’s comebacks are a thing of beauty. MULTIPLE THUMBS TO THE EYE~!

THREE AMIGOS~! But JBL counters the third one.

Holy shit at that ref bump! That looked fucking AWESOME. Eddie fires up, does his VIVA LA RASA schtick, then turns and runs for the ropes and the moment he turns and starts moving he CRASHES into the referee and it looked like the most… organic ref bump EVER tbh.

And then it happens. THAT FUCKINGS CHAIR SHOT. Holy motherfucking SHIT. JBL hits Eddie full force, and Eddie is GUSHING BLOOD. FUCKING GUSHING BLOOD. Fucking SICK.

The blade job makes Vince McMahon look like the most cautious blader in the history of blading.

STEEL STEPS THE TO THE FACE~! JBL isn’t giving Eddie a chance in hell.

JBL PUNCHING the open wound makes me . Simple shit that makes a match more awesome.

CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL~! The referee is still down though, meanwhile the fans are chanting for Eddie to get back into this thing. Another referee and…

EDDIE KICKED OUT!!!

Another Clothesline from Hell attempt is countered by a drop toe hold, and JBL takes out the second ref!

POWERBOMB~! The first ref is able to make a cover now, but EDDIE STILL KICKS OUT!!!

NOTHING is going to stop Eddie! He’s fighting for MORE than just the title!!!

Sleeper hold, and fuck me that’s a brilliant move. All that blood loss PLUS a sleeper? Eddie could be FINISHED.

Oh man oh man oh FUCKING MAN. Eddie firing up, COVERED IN BLOOD and after the beating he’s taken is fucking tremendous! that might be one of my favourite things ever in a match.

FALL AWAY SLAM COUNTERED INTO A DDT~!

FROG SPLASH~! But Eddie in the state he’s in took far too long, and JBL moved. Man, the ring is just stained with BLOOD. In-fucking-sane.

JBL tries to take a page out of Eddie’s book, bringing in a steel chair and the title belt. While the ref gets rid of the chair, he tries to use the title, but Eddie takes it from him! Then, in plain sight of the referee, Eddie DECKS JBL with the title, getting himself DQ’d. Then he mounts Bradshaw and unloads with rights and lefts until 3 referees drag him away! Eddie isn’t done with JBL! The match might be over, but Eddie’s revenge isn’t!!!

CHAIR TO THE FACE~! Sweet justice for earlier in the match. ANOTHER SHOT WITH THE CHAIR~! FROG SPLASH~! The referees drag JBL out of the ring to SAVE HIM FROM EDDIE.

This. Is. Incredible. It’s just wonderful in every way possible. The angle going into the match is great. Everything they do in the match is PERFECT for the feud. No fancy wrestling, just straight up FIGHTING, especially from Eddie. The blood adds more to this match than perhaps any other. Eddie fighting back from all the abuse and the sick blade job is amazing. One of the few matches to make great use of a DQ finish too. I don’t think anything from 2004 I still need to watch is going to top this!!!

Rating: ****3/4
CAL SCALE – 8

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12