Author: Big Cal

 

Armageddon 2007

 

Yet another DVD I had to unwrap to watch for this ramble! Though tbh I don’t think I’ve owned this one that long, pretty sure it’s one I picked up a couple of months before starting the 07 rambles.

 

Rey Mysterio Vs MVP – WWE United States Championship Match

I miss Rey . The current contract situation with him and WWE is bullshit. Just let him leave. He can’t do much in the ring any more without getting injured, sadly, and let’s face it, Rey going elsewhere isn’t going to put a dint in WWE.

Match starts fun, both men doing back and forth doing some nice holds and cool counters. Then MVP gains control and *falls asleep*…

Mmmmmm Root, I’d love to hack that system with you. Oh, we only have one chair, maybe you should sit on my lap…

*wakes up*

Huh what? Mysterio is making a comeback . Finally, something interesting. Mysterio loses his balance on the ropes, but still manages to connect with MVP… except his balls took a headbutt .

Fun finishing stretch and then… MVP gets himself counted out. Booooring. Some good stuff here, when Rey was on offence, but everything else was dull.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Kane & CM Punk Vs Mark Henry & Big Daddy V

BEEFIES VS PUNK .

Match starts with Henry and Punk together. Yey! Henry trash talking .

Dammit WWE, STOP SAYING MARK HENRY IS LEGITIMATELY THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN. He isn’t. He never was. He has lifted some big weights in the past, pre-WWE. He won the 2002 Arnold Strongman Classic. BUT that competition was seriously lacking in big time strength athletes. I still think it was a set up, as Vince and Arnie were friends, and Arnie had done some things with WWE before, and having Henry win would add some media attraction to WWE, while WWE could help advertise the first Arnold Strongman Classic and get it off the ground.

Anyway… no wait, not done yet! In 2007, Henry certainly wasn’t LEGITIMATELY the World’s Strongest Man. A certain Polish man by the name of Mariusz Pudzianowski was.

Ok, back to the match. In fact, I missed quite a bit of it typing that shite out lol. I’ll go back to the start because I genuinely wanna see this.

Even Henry Vs Kane part of the early going here is . Kane looks like he’s trying to really kill Sexual Chocolate with some of those shots! Tag back to Punk, who ends up getting run over by Henry and now the 2 BEEFIES can begin to crush the ECW Champ!

they try to do the old “face runs into the ropes, heel on the apron kicks him” spot, but the fucking referee got in the way .

Hoooooly SHIT at the height CM Punk gets dropped from when Big Daddy V presses him over his head. Full extension of his arms, elbows locked out (still in the Strongman mindset here lol), and Big Daddy V is what, 6’8? So Punk gets dropped over 7 feet to the mat. OUCH. To hell with calling Henry the World’s Strongest Man lol, someone see what Daddy V can do! Well, back then, anyway. We can’t now .

“COME ON, DADDY!” that just sounds so wrong. Stop it, Striker .

Kane takes a turn at being the FIP, and Henry & V do a pretty darn good job working him over. How awesome would they have been as a dominate tag team with the titles or something on Raw and/or SD? They constantly stuck Big Show and Kane together and gave them the belts, why not do the same for the SUPERIOR BEEFIES team?

Punk’s hot tag is sweet, and his knees and kicks to the head of Big Daddy V to try and take him off his feet all look fantastic. And then… BOOM. Punk dives off the ropes and BDV catches him with a Samoan Drop for the win! Damn! BDV just pinned the ECW Champion!!!

So this was great! I mean yeah, one hell of a tag match! Add another PPV tag match in 2007 that’s better than the overrated DX/Rated RKO match .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Shawn Michaels Vs Mr Kennedy

Hoping for at least a solid match here. Kennedy kinda went downhill in 07 after he came back from the injury that cost him the MITB briefcase. However I do love the match he had in early 08 on Raw with HBK on the first HD show, so hopefully the PPV match here will be good.

Anyone remember why this match is happening btw? No video package so I’m clueless lol.

Unusual start to the match as Kennedy starts off strong as the heel, rather than a typical babyface shine period. I like when they deviate from the regular formula . Kennedy works over the back of HBK, and HBK must take advantage of any oppertunity that comes his way, involving a chop block to the knee, and then an armbar take down. Different parts of the body, but both were the best he could do at that time.

Ha, it’s actually like Kennedy and HBK have reversed rolls. HBK as a babyface would normally start strong, with heel Kennedy looking for any opening he can get to take advantage of. Nice .

That armbar takedown took enough out of Kennedy to allow the Show Stopper to regain control, and he does so by continuing to work over that arm, now forcing Kennedy to take back his style of wrestling by searching for an opening!

HBK STAMPS ON KENNEDY’S HAND WHILE IT’S ON THE STEEL STEPS~!

Wonder how good HBK can be at working over someone’s hand. I guess he did get first HAND experience (ha, get it?) in the Mankind match at Mindgames .

Love some of the battles they have with HBK refusing to let go of the hand and Kennedy trying everything he can to get away . This is the kind of shit that made me such a fan of Kennedy during his mid-06 to mid-07 run.

Awesome transition spot with HBK having his back smashed into the ring post from the apron . Love that spot.

HBK constantly getting in little shots to the hand whenever he can .

Also like how HBK’s comeback is slowly built up with him getting a little more offence in each time he attempts a full comeback. He’ll hit something, Kennedy will take him back down. He’ll hit something again, Kennedy might be rocked and HBK can get something else in, before Kennedy takes him down, and then after a few tries, Kennedy is too rocked from each shot to put HBK down again!

Kennedy is also still showing the effects of the arm work earlier in the match too. LONG TERM SELLING = . Not enough people bother with short term selling these days, never mind long term.

Oh my, I think I blew my load! Kennedy decks HBK, but it was with the hand that Shawn worked on, and Kennedy screams in pain and can’t follow up, allowing HBK to land Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere for the win!!!

“Hoping for at least a solid match here.” LOL. Not even close. It’s FAR above just a solid match! Tremendous stuff. Makes me wanna go back and watch their Raw match too. Think I actually still have the first Raw in HD show on my PC…

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Orton gets interviewed back stage. I groan at first because he starts off a little shitty, but then he goes on to hit it out of the park by the end. Awesome stuff from him.

 

Triple H Vs Jeff Hardy – #1 Contendership Match for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble

Oh my, helloooooo Lillian! Looking rather spectacular!

So we have HHH and Jeff Hardy. Two guys that on their own, I really don’t care for. Together though? They just seem to click. Weird how that happens sometimes. I can dislike 2 guys in the ring on their own, but when they face each other, somehow they bring out the absolute best in themselves. I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head right now lol, but hopefully I’ll remember some before the match is over .

They play up nicely on the different styles of the two men here. HHH is bigger and stronger, able to knock Jeff down with shoulder blocks and vicious clotheslines. Jeff has to keep trying to use his quickness to avoid HHH’s offence and land his own, and it’s done very, very well at the start here.

Both are babyfaces and have that whole “respect” thing going on, but this is about getting a title shot at the RR. Jeff goes to deck HHH but hesitates, thinking this is going to be a friendly WRESTLING match. HHH responds by bitch slapping Jeff so hard he probably thinks he’s Matt.

FIGHT ME~!

Now things are getting serious! No playing around, no fancy holds and counters, just two men hungry for a title shot!

Despite getting off to a pretty great start, once HHH gains full control I lose interest a little. He’s never been the best guy on offence, and even with a babyface like Jeff Hardy who can get the crowd behind him and do some cool selling and shit, it’s still not that exciting.

Doesn’t help that EVERY cut off spot from HHH is a clothesline. Well, 99% of the time anyway.

Picks up as they go into a finishing stretch, with Hardy hitting a bunch of high flying moves, and HHH trying to avoid or counter them. And then Hardy counters a Pedigree with a pin and gets the win!

HHH sits there smiling. Because he knows he can have a WWE title match whenever the fuck he wants anyway .

Ok match. Not the best these have had though, which is disappointing. They certainly are capable of more. HHH was too dull controlling things.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Khali is screaming at the camera. BLURGH BLARGH HOOGLBLUE. RAWR. Something like that.

 

The Great Khali Vs Finlay

Gonna see if FINLAY can get something decent out of the Punjabi Twat.

JBL goes retarded “I DON’T THINK EVEN ON HIS BEST DAY, FINAL CAN BEAT KHALI”. Seriously, JBL? SERIOUSLY?

Finlay spends most of this match taking kicks to the head lol.

Yey, nerve grip. Exciting…

Sheleighly to Khali’s balls! Sheleighly to Khali’s head! FINLAY WINS~!

Well, I probably should have skipped this one .

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Randy Orton Vs Chris Jericho – WWE Championship Match

So Orton ran through HBK, HHH and Cena in his title reign and whatnot… and suddenly a guy returning to the ring for the first time in 2 and a half years is going to SAVE US? Not only that, but it’s Jericho? LOL. Maybe if this was for the IC title… .

How shit was Jericho’s “big return” anyway lol? He did fuck all really until he turned heel and had the HBK feud… which I think is overrated (along with most of their matches).

Didn’t help that everyone KNEW the whole “SAVE_US” thing was him.

Ok, I need to remove all that negativity from my mind. These two have had some super matches in the past, back in the EVOLUTION RAW days. So this COULD be good too .

Arm drag is the first move attempted in this match and… it’s botched. Looked more like a wrist drag . Not sure whose fault it was though. Luckily the next 2 times Jericho goes for that move, it lands perfectly .

Christ this is dull. Then it shoots up like a fucking ROCKET when Jericho counters an RKO, hits a bulldog and follows up with the Lionsault because everyone thought he was gonna win the belt.

Aaaand then the match randomly ends up on the outside, where Orton lobs Jericho into JBL.

Walls of Jericho applied in the middle of the ring and… JBL kicks Jericho in the face and the match is mercifully over.

What a load of pointless garbage. NOTHING. That’s the best way to describe this. It’s a match filled with NOTHING.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Yey… Jillian Hall comes out to sing. Sad thing is, she’s probably better than everyone in the charts right now .

 

Mickie James Vs Beth Phoenix – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Mickie Vs Victoria at the first PPV in 07 was really good, so I’m hoping for something similar here with Mickie against Beth .

JR shouting “HEY MICKIE” during the match when she almost wins, totally not even understanding the reference he himself made and carrying on even when Lawler mentions it was probably my fav part of the match .

Not to the say the match bad, infact I enjoyed it quite a bit. Beth was powering Mickie around, then Mickie would keep trying to fight back until she finally took down the Glamazon and could start to mount some offence.

Finish just seems to come out of nowhere and falls flat as fuck, which is a shame .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Batista Vs Edge Vs The Undertaker – World Heavyweight Championship Match

oh yes, one of my fav triple threat matches!!!

What’s so special about this match is how it’s the transition from one Undertaker feud to another, playing off things that happened MONTHS ago as well. Undertaker Vs Batista was the big WHC feud throughout 2007 (when they weren’t injured lol). Edge beat Undertaker for the title during that time, when Undertaker was injured and had to take time off. That lead to Batista wanting to take the belt from Edge. They feuded, and then Edge got injured, allowing Batista to come in and eventually win back the title. Undertaker returned and again challenged Batista for the belt. They ended up inside the HIAC at Survivor Series (which I think will be the last 07 show I ramble about), where Edge returned, screwed Undertaker out of the title and put himself back into the title picture. So now all 3 men are active, all 3 men want the WHC, and all 3 men will compete here tonight! And after this match, things would then start to build to Undertaker getting his hands one on one with Edge for the title for most of 2008!

Both Undertaker and Batista want to kill Edge. But they don’t want to team up to do it. They are MEN. They are WARRIORS. And they wanna maul Edge ON THEIR OWN. Which leaves Undertaker and Batista to beat the living shit out of each other for the opportunity to get to Edge! LOVE how they structured the match this way. Makes a nice change from the typical triple threat formula.

While Taker and Batista try to kill each other, Edge plays up his “Ultimate Opportunist” character perhaps better than he ever did throughout his entire run, by sitting back and watching the two rivals going at it, then picking his spots when the time is right.

Plenty of great action throughout, will some cool moments such as Batista decking Undertaker with a clothesline, countering his apron leg drop that he was planning on doing to Edge, and Batista Spearing Undertaker while he has Edge up for the Last Ride, causing a fucking pileup of all 3 men!

Edge again continues to play up his character, this time ringing the bell while Undertaker has Batista locked in a triangle choke! Undertaker thinks it’s over, let’s go of Batista and gets back to his feet, only to get a Spear from Edge!

Undertaker and Batista continue to fucking murder each other, dishing out numerous big finishing moves, all the while knocking out Edges left, right and centre. Yes. EdgeS. There are 3 of them! All the constant distractions allow the REAL Edge to steak a win from Undertaker, and become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion!!!

The debut of the EDGEHEADS, Hawkins and Ryder, help Edge add another WHC win to his portfolio in an incredible match that helps end one rivalry and begins another!

<3 this match so much still.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 16

New Years Revolution 2007

 

The event best known for HHH’s second quad tear! Yey!

 

Also, what is it with these 07 PPV’s not having proper intros? You know, so I can screen cap em and use them for the main image of the post? No Mercy didn’t even HAVE one, and here the screen disappears do damn quickly I couldn’t get a decent shot in 6 attempts so I gave up . Yeah I could still get one with some extra work, but it’s only a sodding picture .

 

Wait, what the feck? They did the little “Raw presents NYR” thingy with the logo flashing on and off the screen in seconds, then we get introduced to the show by JR, he tells us the IC title match is happening first and… video package for the PPV? WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

Johnny Nitro Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Intercontinental Championship Steel Cage Match

MELINA .

When did Nitro change to Morrison?

Morrison. Morrisons. Was supposed to go to Morrisons today for some shopping. But my friend had to go into work and now he can’t take me cos he finishes after the shop shuts . Good job I went to Aldi this morning and got some food from there. Shall have to wait until like, Wednesday now for Morrisons. They got some stuff on offer I want. Shit, actually, that fucks up my plans for tea tonight. Got some chicken in Aldi and was getting a BBQ chicken cook in the bag mix from Morrisons to have tonight. Now I can’t have that. Bah. Guess I’ll just make a chili instead. Shit. Didn’t buy garlic bread for it. I guess I COULD walk over to Aldi again but… it’s cold outside . The fuck am I gonna have for tea tonight then?

Nitro and Hardy are having a match btw. Inside a cage. Nothing really noteworthy so far. Both man have dropkicked each other into the cage. That’s about it.

Back suplex off the top rope. Looked like they went out of their way to fall from as little height as possible despite being on the top rope lol. Suppose I shouldn’t blame them, I certainly wouldn’t want to fall that high. My back would snap faster than a Slim Jim.

And we have another cage spot. Followed by… another cage spot… and oh hey, look… another cage spot. With practically NOTHING in between them. I so LOVE that about wrestling .

Ooops, seems that I ended that cage spot sentence too early. ANOTHER FUCKING CAGE SPOT WITH NOTHING BETWEEN IT AND THE OTHERS.

Best part of the match just happened. Hardy tried to climb out and MELINA whipped the part of Hardy’s fingers that were coming through the cage with her metal studded belt . Kinda sad when that’s the best part of the match so far, but then again it’s still fecking awesome. Melina was a great manager.

Shit, what was that? Oh, another damn cage spot. They are literally just taking turns at it.

Melinda blocking the referee from opening the door .

Finish is similar to X-Pac/Jericho at… No Mercy(?) 2000. Jeff wins and retains his title.

Well, while I didn’t think this was good, it also was kinda harmless too. I’m not exactly screaming at my screen or anything, so that’s a positive. Right?

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Rated RKO interview. They are going to put a PAINFUL AND DEFINITIVE END to DX tonight. Ha, they kinda do .

 

The Highlanders Vs The World’s Greatest Tag Team Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Super Crazy Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch Vs Cryme Tyme – Tag Team Turmoil Match

A bonus match! Better be good. Starting with The Highlanders. Well, that didn’t last long.

WGTT do a wonderful job carrying the Highlanders here. Their offense looks great, good double teaming and all round good tag work. They dominate the match and eliminate the Highlanders.

Duggan and Super Crazy? Who the fuck put that team together?

Fuck me, Shelton nearly caves Duggan’s face in with a running knee. Damn.

Lawler proves that he isn’t even in Heenan’s league when it comes to being a colour commentator. JR mentioned that Duggan went to college and Lawler doesn’t laugh once, never mind for the rest of the match.

German suplex to Crazy and that’s that. Cade & Murdoch waste no time coming out and jumping the WGTT from behind while they are still down and hurting.

Murdoch boots Shelton in the face so fucking hard I forgot about that running knee to Duggan. Shelton is dead. Or he should be because that was brutal.

Hass comes in from the hot tag and looks damn impressive. He looked great when he returned in 06 from… whatever happened to him. Shame they did that bullshitty impressions gimmick with him. How many people have had that gimmick btw?

Cade and Murdoch get the win, and out come Cryme Tyme. Crazy to think that JTG is no longer with the WWE now .

In fact, is anyone still employed by the WWE from this match so far? Guessing just Duggan on a legends contract? And of course unfortunately Lance Cade passed away. In fact we can go even further and add the opening match to that too. Nitro, Hardy and Melina are all no longer employed by WWE now either. Looking at the rest of the card and hardly anyone is. And it’s not like this is a fucking early WM from the 80’s, this is from 2007. It’s 2015. Depending on who else is in this tag match, only TWO people on this card are still employed by WWE as active competitors. Cena and Orton. Crazy.

Ok, so Cryme Tyme are the last team, and they end up winning it all.

Enjoyed WGTT carrying The Highlanders, and then WGTT Vs Cade & Murdoch. Everything else was kinda blargh.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Oh god they set up the Rosie O’Donald Vs Donald Trump “match” in a backstage segment. Coach’s tongue smells like shit due to being so far up Vince’s arse.

 

ROM SIMMONS DAMM.

 

Kenny Dykstra Vs Ric Flair

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Mickie James Vs Victoria – WWE Women’s Championship Match

I’ll give this a watch. Not often I bother with women’s matches, but I like Mickie and Victoria has been built up as a dominant monster for this match so it could be pretty good.

Mmmmm fresh cream and strawberry jam finger doughnut.

Nice deep arm drags from Mickie. MICKIE STEAMBOAT~!

Victoria is great as being a vicious bitch inside the ring. Beating the fuck out of Mickie, and trying to rip her head off in a submission hold too . She seems to like targeting the heads and faces of other divas, and she’s doing her best to smash in Mickie’s face here.

Hell Victoria even starts shit with Lillian at ringside lol. Reminds me of when she first came into WWE and was attacking all the big boobed blonde women before going after Trish .

SECOND ROPE MOONSAULT~! That missed though, and Mickie might be able to take advantage!!!

Mickie just fucking DECKED Victoria .

Melina has shown up because… I have no idea. Did I miss something? She tries to help Victoria win the title, but former victims of Victoria, Maria and Candice, show up to make sure she isn’t successful!

DDT from Mickie, and she’s still the women’s champion!

Good match, glad I decided to not skip it! Mickie with 2 great women’s title matches in a row at NYR (06 and 07 lol)!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

DX Vs Rated RKO – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, time to get this one out of the way. It gets pimped to fuck, and I’ve never personally quite gotten the love for it. Kinda like a certain other tag match were HHH tears his quad lol.

This one starts on the rampway as one big fucking fight. DX are out for BLOOD, not tag titles here. Man, how stupid are the rules of wrestling when you actually think about it?

Jr mentions that the bell hasn’t even rung yet, and King chimes in with “because they haven’t gotten into the ring yet”. So they can do whatever the fuck they want atm until they get into the ring. Imagine if that rule was similar for other sports? Before boxing or an MMA fight, one guy attacks another guy before they enter the ring/octagon? LOL. Or how about in Football (or soccer for you weirdos ), a team is coming down the tunnel to get on the pitch and the other team jumps them from behind? BUT IT’S OK BECAUSE THEY AREN’T ON THE PITCH YET AND THE WHISTLE HASN’T BLOWN TO START THE MATCH~!

The match really slows down once it actually starts, but DX remain in control and spend most of their time just blasting Orton in the face over and over again. Nothing special whatsoever, but I kinda like that they ain’t doing anything fancy because they just want to HURT their opponents. Sure they could have done it in a more interesting way, but come on, it’s HBK and HHH lol.

EDGE CLIPS HHH’S KNEE~! The left one though. Should go for the right one, it’s at a breaking point already .

Well before Edge and Orton can really get back into the match and work over HHH’s leg… hot tag to HBK. Still waiting for this match to impress me tbh. I might not be the biggest fan of the 2 Man Power Trip Vs Chris x 2 match, but I’d still call that a great match.

ORTON MURDERED HBK WITH A CLOTHESLINE~!

I think that MAYBE the match is going to finally get into a good groove following that. HBK down and hurting and at the mercy of Rated RKO… but second later HBK takes both opponents out of the ring and dives over the ropes onto them. FFS lol.

TAG TITLE BELT TO HBK’S HEAD~! Hopefully THAT will be the turning point in the match. Yup, HBK is busted open. I did like how HHH saw it and just flew over to deck Orton lol. Far too often the referee gets in the way, but here HHH got to Orton and took him down before Elias (the referee) could stop him.

Wow, was a whole 4 days ago when I started this ramble and was complaining about Morrisons. Now I’m sat here with some food I got at Morrisons when I was finally able to get there .

DOUBLE IRISH CURSE~! Wonder if Sheamus got the idea for the move here . Or maybe he was already using it on the Indies? I don’t know.

So HBK gets his back worked over for a while, and it’s fine. Not setting the world on fire or anything.

HOT TAG TO HHH~! QUAD TEAR~!

I respect HHH for trying to stay in the match, but that RKO on him was hilarious. He crumples to the floor before Orton can even jump in the air .

SUPERKICK TO ORTON~! I could watch Orton getting kicked in the face all day. Take that how you want .

PEDIGREE~! Kinda. Again, much respect for HHH trying to keep going, but that was just awful.

HBK saves the end by decking the referee and taking out Rated RKO with chairs. Huh, looks like they cut the part out where Orton runs in with a chair and is clueless as fuck because he doesn’t know what to do with HHH being injured .

Fucking hell, HHH continues to beat up Orton and Edge, and even hits a Pedigree on the announce table! No selling the shit out of that quad tear lol!

Good match overall, but still nothing special. Not even close to being one of the top tag matches ever. Not even the best tag match on PPV in 2007. Overrated as fuck, but still worth a watch and something I could sit through again if I wanted to.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Carlito Vs Chris Masters

As much as I like Masters, I cannot sit through a Carlito match. Especially him as a babyface .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Umaga – WWE Championship Match

Haven’t seen this match in years. Perhaps not since it first happened. I don’t care much for their LMS match at the RR, unlike most people. This match however gets a ton of praise from people though, so I am very interested in finally seeing it after all this time.

Umaga is still undefeated at this point, and Cena is what, half a year into his year title run?

Damn, Cena is a terrible puncher lol. They look ridiculous.

Cena thankfully doesn’t get many shots in before Umaga shows his power and absolutely dominates the champion. Both guys do a great job here; Umaga with his power offence, and Cena with bumping and selling.

Did have to when Cena tried to slam Umaga though. FFS, Umaga isn’t exactly Yokozuna. We’ve seen Cena AA Big Show multiple times, yet he can’t do a simple scoop Slam to Umaga? Bullshit lol.

that rolling wheel kick to Cena looked fucking tremendous. Love when big guys use that. Viscera was awesome at it, and it just looks so impressive coming from guys that are fat.

Another “Cena can’t lift Umaga” spot, this time with an AA attempt. At least this time they can make the excuse that Cena is fucked from the beatdown. He hasn’t taken that much punishment before trying that slam earlier though. LOL. Anyway, the spot looked great, looked like Umaga landed right on Cena’s head.

After that spot, Umaga immediately targets the neck of Cena and he looks like he’s trying to fucking SNAP IT .

CENA COMEBACK~!

Oh look, NOW he can lift up Umaga and hit that odd suplex thingy he does. BUT HE COULDN’T SLAM THE FUCKER EARLY IN THE MATCH?!?!

Another AA attempt, but Cena’s back and neck is killing him so he definitely can’t do it here. But he could hit that back suplex thingy like 10 seconds earlier?

Umaga is great here at cutting Cena off, either through sheer power, or simply capitalising on Cena being too beat up to hit certain moves.

And then Cena wins with a roll-up. A fucking ROLL-UP. He couldn’t AA Umaga, but he was able to keep his shoulders down for a 3 count on a fucking roll-up?

Well, honestly don’t like that ending, BUT the rest of the match was pretty great. So much better than their LMS match. SO. MUCH. BETTER.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

No Mercy 2007

 

Couldn’t decide which 07 show to watch next, so I muddled the DVD’s up, put them under a cover and picked this one out at random. 3 HHH matches in one night. 2 against Orton. Yeeeeeeey…

 

Woo, kicking off a PAY-PER-VIEW show with… talking! At least GENERAL MANAGER REGAL is there too. Looking all BOSS and shit.

 

Orton is announced by Vince as the NEW WWE Champion. Did that actually count as a title reign for him? Just curious lol.

 

Yey Regal gets some mic time! Tells Orton he gets to decide who he will defend the title against first. Fans want Y2J. They’ll have to wait a little longer for him, but not too long . Anyway, I guess this is an official reign for Orton then? Crazy.

 

Blah blah blah Orton is the best blah blah blah HHH interrupts blah blah blah we got a title match.

 

Randy Orton Vs Triple H – WWE Championship Match

Well, I guess if we couldn’t get Cena/Orton, WWE had to make it up to use by giving us TWO HHH/Orton matches to replace it . This is match #1, which I remember nothing about. At least I remember thinking their Last Man Standing match later in the night is great. As long as this doesn’t wanna make me smash my head against a wall I’ll call it a win.

Early going of this is really good, actually. They work a nice pace that isn’t too fast that it would be a random move-fest, but sure as hell isn’t a slow, dull, Orton pace. Awesome bump from the high knee by Orton too lol.

Even when Orton tries to bore, I mean, slow things down with a headlock, it doesn’t last long and even then, this is still during a time when Orton knew how to WORK a headlock spot, so it’s all good .

SPINEBUSTER BY HHH, AND HE DIDN’T TEAR HIS QUAD~! That’s success for ya!

HOLY SHIT HHH WINS THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP WITH A SCHOOL BOY PIN~!

Well, I’m pleased . Unlike 90% of their matches, this was GOOD! A great opener for the PPV, and a match I’d happily sit through again. A HHH/ORTON MATCH I’D HAPPILY SIT THROUGH AGAIN. Doesn’t happen often!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Brian Kendrick, Paul London & Jeff Hardy Vs Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch & Mr Kennedy

So Mr Kennedy injures the golden goose a week prior to this and is rewarded with… a PPV match! LOL.

This is a “bonus” match, and boy does it feel completely meaningless too lol. It’s just a standard tag team for no real reason whatsoever. It isn’t bad or anything, in fact I rather enjoyed it (mainly thanks to Cade & Murdoch/Londrick stuff). It’s just… this should have been a Raw match. In fact it basically was, only with Shelton instead of Kennedy, just the week before.

Hardy does that running dive off the apron and… Cade apparently doesn’t know it’s coming so he isn’t in position. Jeff just crashed to the mat . Not in a horrible way where he hurt himself, just a funny way .

MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY picks the win up for his team with that… top rope move he used to do. Uhhhh… dammit I can’t remember the name of it . Finlay used to do it too, only without the need for the ropes because he’s BOSS AS FUCK.

So yeah, good, enjoyable tag, but had no purpose.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

D’awww, HHH and Batista have a moment backstage with both of them as champions. Then Vince shows up and informs HHH that the original match between him and Umaga is still happening tonight, only know with the title on the line!

 

Big Daddy V Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

Is this that super short match that ends in DQ? Probably is.

Yup. It is. Striker runs into the ring and attacks Punk in less than 2 minutes.

And that’s terrible because they had an awesome sub-2 minute match up until that point . This was probably cut short due to the changes made to the show with Cena being injured. WE GOT THAT MEANINGLESS 6 MAN TAG INSTEAD OF A LENGTHY ECW CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH? FUCK YOU.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Tazz like flat greasy wet pie.

 

MELINA~! FAP~!

 

MARIA~! FAP~!

 

They are here to keep score as Matt and MVP have another one of their competitions.

 

We are getting a Pizza eating contest. On PPV. When the ECW Championship match just before this got under 2 minutes.

 

Triple H Vs Umaga – WWE Championship Match

The referee is called Marty ELIAS. ELIAS. .

I might be a little obsessed with Person of Interest .

OH SWEET JEBUS UMAGA JUST MURDERED HHH. Superkick right to the fucking FACE .

Are any of those Undertaker/Umaga matches from house shows available online? Not some big dream match or anything in my opinion but definitely something I’d like to see. Shame they never had a program on TV or anything.

How do people rate Umaga btw? I liked him most of the time, but never thought he would be the next big thing or anything. Don’t think he was made for the main event scene, not in the long run, anyway.

Oh yeah, the match. HHH does some stuff, Umaga cuts him off and works him over a little, nothing exciting there. Then HHH wins. Meh. 3 HHH matches in one night, 2 against Orton, and the Umaga match is probably gonna be the worst of the bunch . THAT’S INSANE~!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Backstage, Khali is meditating while his handler dude speaks for him. I was surprised that Khali was able to sit crossed legged and then stand up with ease .

 

Finlay Vs Rey Mysterio

Oh fuck YES . I have no memory of their PPV matches, just their TV matches (one in 06 and one in 07). And those were spectacular.

This is off to a tremendous start, just what I wanted to see . Finlay mauling Rey with his great offence, and Rey using his speed, quickness and unique offense to gain momentum for himself. I could watch these two go back and forth all day.

Mysterio tries to go for it all early on, with a sunset flip powerbomb attempt on the floor from the apron, but Finlay uses the apron cover like nobody else can to counter the former WHC and it’s all downhill from here for poor Rey!

This is just fantastic stuff. Rey’s little comebacks are great, Finlay is great at cutting him off, and the turnbuckle spot to distract the ref was awesome.

The finish see’s Finlay get knocked off the apron and SPLAT to the floor, and he pretends to be knocked out. He gets put on a stretcher and… jumps up and attacks Rey . What a cunty heel he is .

Not on the level of their 2 epic TV matches, but for a match with the ending it had, which was essentially to build to another match, it was damn good!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Vince and HHH backstage segment again. We get the Last Man Standing match announcement .

 

Beth Phoenix Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Hmmmm… no thanks!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Batista Vs The Great Khali – World Heavyweight Championship Punjabi Prison Match

People say this match is good. Yet they hate on the Undertaker/Big Show one. So not sure if I should believe them .

This match is so horrible on paper, my DVD is spinning like hell to keep it playing otherwise it’ll start skipping lol.

Aaaand it’s dead. BRB, gonna give the disc a clean. Would be a shame if I couldn’t watch this match .

Dammit, it works again. FINE, I’LL WATCH THE DAMN MATCH.

So uhhh… some time has passed. The guys in the ring did some stuff. And now all the doors have been opened and closed, so they have to climb out of the first structure now rather than escaping through a door. Whatever.

Batista wins.

People think this is good? But hate on Undertaker/Big Show? GTFO.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match

PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH SHOT TO THE RIBS~! Orton is in control!

HHH takes a sweet back bump in the steel rampway. Orton is brutal in his assault on HHH, as he knows the Game is hurting and dammit he wants his title back!

MONITOR RIGHT TO HHH’S HAND~! BARELY~! I think it was supposed to be a head shit, with HHH protecting himself which is of course smart… but Orton almost missed HHH’s hands .

ORTON THROUGH A TABLE~! If Orton connected properly with that monitor shot he wouldn’t be in this predicament .

Well a Spinebuster on the floor wasn’t enough to keep Orton down so the next logical step is… STEEL STEPS~!

Why is it so hard for the fans to keep in sync with the referee’s count? They are always like 1 ahead of him. IT’S NOT FUCKING HARD.

HHH seems to be running on empty, and it catches up to him quickly with Orton gaining real control of the match and HHH is pretty much DEAD. DDT on a steel chair and then an RKO on the chair looks to solidify the win for the Viper, but hold fuck HHH is up at 9!!!

Similar to the WM HIAC with Undertaker, HHH is dead and knows it, but he wants to go out FIGHTING like a true warrior, and gives Orton the old DX Crotch Chop in defiance before collapsing to the floor again.

Honestly I think that would have been a good place to end the match but nope, Orton goes for a Punt, HHH blocks it and has some energy again because I DON’T KNOW.

Lol, had to groan in disgust as HHH so obviously sets up to take a bump into the ring post by basically moving Orton to the corner and attempting a Pedigree .

CHAIR SHOT TO ORTON’S HEAD WHILE IT’S ON THE STEEL STEPS~! Isn’t that what finished off Khali in his LMS match with Undertaker?

RKO ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Kayfabe, that’s what took out Cena the previous week, so I like that it was used as the finish.

Overall, a great match and the best LMS match of 2007, however I don’t think it’s as good as I remembered. Only gone down a little, mind you, but still.

Impressive though that HHH and Orton could have 2 of their best matches together in the same night. Shame they also have about 20 god awful matches together .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 10.5

 

One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2007

 

Alrighty, it’s time for… ummmm… genuinely don’t remember a single match that takes place at this event . Guess that’s what video packages before the PPV are for!

 

*watches video package*

 

If I hit my head hard enough, will I forget all the matches again?

 

Randy Orton Vs RVD – Stretcher Match

Fuck me, they show a video from LAST WEEK with Orton murdering RVD with punts and DDT’s and RKO’s, yet here is Mr ECW himself ready to compete. All the while HBK got taken out a month earlier from FAR LESS, and won’t return until like, September? October?

So, RVD Vs Orton. On paper, this has potential for sure, as they have wrestled a bunch of times over the years and I’ve enjoyed quite a lot of their work together. However, as I’ll likely mention over and over again in this ramble (hey, you all have that to look forward to!), gimmick matches in WWE most of the time tend to prevent the guys from having one of their better matches together.

After all those shots to the head a week earlier, RVD is out for some major revenge and starts the match off with a kick right to Orton’s fucking head . And more of that comes Orton’s way in the early going . It’s mainly awesome because Orton can sell head shots better than 90% of everyone ever probably.

One shot to RVD’s head and he’s out of it. He tries to go for the 5 Star Frog Splash, but ends up falling off the ropes to the floor and seems to be confused. Actually thought it was a botch at first and was about to ” ” but then I realised it was actually supposed to happen and instead I .

RVD did that spinning legdrop kick thingy off the apron to Orton who was on the stretcher, and he basically spanked him instead . No idea where RVD WANTED to land the legdrop, but it hit nothing but ASS lol.

I could probably have made about 10 gifs of RVD killing himself/getting killed from this one match alone lol. No wonder he took some time off after this .

Like that the stretcher didn’t come into play until right at the end. Whole match was better than I thought it might be given the stipulation. Everything was focused on HEAD (ha). Orton wanted to finish RVD off (ha), and RVD wanted to return the favour (ha… ok I’ll stop now). Both men sell the effects extremely well, and the finish played into that too, with RVD getting somewhat of an upset victory but done in a way that made sense. Aaaand then Orton KILLS RVD with a Punt .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Vince is looking forward to facing Lashley one on one tonight… but he has a bad feeling that something awful is going to happen to him soon. Wonder what he means .

 

Sandman, Tommy Dreamer & CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke, Matt Striker & Marcus Cor Von – 6 Man Tag Team Tables Match

MARCUS COR VON . THE POOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNCE~!

Random Dudley Boy’s reference with Dreamer and Punk doing the whole “GET THE TABLES” schtick lol. Actually forgot for a moment that this was a tables match until that happened .

Match is… kinda odd. A bit of a mess with them starting off as a normal tag then suddenly remembering that there are no DQ’s or anything, and from there it goes downhill mostly because Sandman is staggering around not really knowing what the fuck to do, Dreamer is sucking, Striker is mostly sucking, Burke is being awful, and Punk and Cor Von are trying their best to keep things entertaining but everyone else is screwing it up for them .

Superplex to Striker onto Burke through a table ends the match as it’s not one of those fun elimination table matches .

Also we didn’t get a POUNCE .

.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Hulk Hogan and Test apparently had a love child…

 

 

The Hardy Boys Vs World’s Greatest Tag Team – World Tag Team Championship Ladder Match

Huh, don’t remember this match being a thing lol.

In fact, I don’t remember Hass and Benjamin being a team again at this point in time lol.

Anyways, cool little spot with everyone going outside the ring and bringing a ladder in to use as a weapon. The Hardy’s realise what’s happened and throw their ladders down and dropkick Hass and Benjamin’s ladders right back into their faces!

Nice use of the multiple ladders too, I think some stuff was done that I’ve actually NEVER SEEN BEFORE, which is rare as fuck in ladder matches after like 2002 .

The match slows down like fuck once WGTT gain full control, and the fans even boo just how shit some of their ladder offence is .

Apparently the FOUR FUCKING LADDERS IN THE RING aren’t enough, so 2 of those really big ones are brought down by the Hardy’s. Urgh. AND THEY DON’T EVEN TRY TO USE THEM TO CLIMB UP AND WIN. In fact, they only actually use one of them. AND THEY DON’T EVEN PUT IT IN THE RING. God I hate ladder matches sometimes lol.

Oh ffs. now everyone is just fumbling about with ladders and not even remotely trying to climb one and win the fucking match.

Fucking hell, just remembered that the TLC PPV is on tomorrow too. MORE SHITTY LADDER MATCHES YEY~! (edit: TLC has happened and yup, MORE SHITTY LADDER MATCHES~!)

Poor Shelton, keeps botching spots .

Aaaaand then Shelton dies. Hardy Boys retain. I wish to never see this match again.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Joy. They follow up that match with a Khali promo. Not sure which is the biggest trainwreck.

 

Mark Henry Vs Kane – Lumberjack Match

thought they’d done some stupid editing here and changed Benoit’s theme song, but turns out it’s just some generic shit for all the ECW lumberjacks to come out to. I think. Was Chris Masters in ECW in 07? Wait, the draft isn’t until the next night. Guessing this is a mix of ECW and SD guys then, right?

Hmmm… actually they might have edited shit out there, as there was no commentary during the entrances, and this event likely would have been released just after the Benoit incident so I guess anything is possible. Wait… maybe not lol. They did just mention Benoit by name. FUCK KNOWS .

10 seconds into the match and the lumberjacks are already made useless, when Kane gets thrown to the outside and nobody dares touch him.

Apparently they don’t fear Henry though, as everyone jumps on him to throw him back in. And he throws them all off like a BOSS. So ummm… WHY IS THIS A LUMBERJACK MATCH?!?!

THEY’RE WRESTLING ON THE OUTSIDE AND NOBODY IS DOING SHIT ABOUT IT.

at least this is more funny that annoying, I guess . Plus, I can’t be TOO mad during a KANE VS HENRY match when they are doing some good shit .

Henry is awesome. Just thought everyone needed to know. In case they didn’t. But they should. Because he is.

Well damn, a BEARHUG spot in a match I liked? Impressive! Kane escaping with a choke and how it was all done was sweeeet as fuck. And that was the only real “slow” part of the match so far, with both guys always on the move or performing some kind of offence the rest of the time.

Chavo and Dykstra randomly jump Kane in the ring and… somehow the match is no longer No DQ? WHAT?

That distraction allows Henry to grab Kane in another Bearhug, and THE REFEREE CALLS FOR THE BELL. Henry beat KANE WITH A BEARHUG!

Fun and pretty good match between two big bastards!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Vince McMahon & Bobby Lashely – ECW Championship Street Fight

Lashley botches THE FIRST MOVE and nearly kills himself .

He tries that dive he does over the ropes to try and take out Umaga… and his leg gets caught on the ropes .

Thankfully he isn’t injured, maybe a little sore, but he’s right back in the match like nothing happened about a minute later.

DDT ON THE STEEL CHAIR~! WHICH MISSED THE CHAIR~! BUT THEY PRETEND IT DIDN’T~!

Vince hits the worst spear ever. Worse than what Edge does. WORSE THAN EDGE. Think about that for a second.

Fuck me this is boring. Just Vince, Shane and Umaga slowly beating up Lashley and trying to pin him. Lashley keeps kicking out, and they repeat the 3 on 1 beating again.

Chair shots to Vince. Then right back to a 3 on 1 beating.

SHANE O’MAC ELBOW THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~! Best part of the match so far. This should have been Lashley Vs Shane.

I wonder how far Lashley’s push would have gone had he stayed with the company. They were clearly looking to turn him into the new Next Big Thing… and then he left. Kinda like Lesnar .

Oh, Lashley wins his ECW title back btw. Last couple of minutes are the only parts worth watching. Except for the botch at the start lol .

Rating: 3/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Melina Vs Candice Michelle – Pudding Match

Ummmm… no.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match

Well the last match I saw between the two sucked balls (Vengeance). Hopefully this will be better. Not holding my breath though. Although it wouldn’t matter if I did. I’d still end up opening my mouth and taking in a breath at some point. It isn’t possible to die like that because your body simply won’t let you lol. Stupid fucking saying. Who came up with it? The french?

Batista’s offence looks… pretty darn good in the early going of this. Nothing special, just clubbing clotheslines and even basic suplex, but they were all executed extremely well and looked vicious as FUCK.

Then Edge starts getting shit in and it’s… kinda shit.

BOOOOOOORING.

They do the boring finish with both guys trying to escape at the same time from different angles, teasing the good guy getting the win but the bad guy hits the floor first. If I had skipped this, I would have missed nothing.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

John Cena Vs The Great Khali – WWE Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match

So people whose wrestling opinions I value say this is a good match. They’d better not be wrong… .

Did… did Khali just hit a roundhouse kick? Either that or the Coke I’m drinking has real coke in it.

Huh. This actually IS good. So far, anyway. Could still go to hell, but I’m hoping it doesn’t because this is FUN .

Cena actually comes across as an underdog for a change, thanks to Khali being so damn big and actually looking pretty IMPRESSIVE on offence. Seriously. He looks like a competent wrestler here! Cena is putting over all of Khali’s shit too by taking big bumps from simple moves and making it seem like Khali can’t be stopped (even though this is a rematch from JD, when Cena WON lol).

Khali pretty much dominates this entire match, with Cena just getting the odd shot in here and there in order to stay alive, before he starts to get a little more in as we go into the finish.

Cena makes good use of his environment when they go out into the crowd and up to the stage and shit too. He’s doing anything he can to try and stop the giant, and I like it!

In the end, an F-U from a crane to the floor FINALLY puts Khali down for a 3, and Cena retains.

Well bugger me sideways and call me Julie; this was really fucking good! Best Khali match? Hmmm… still leaning towards the LMS with Undertaker (obviously lol), but this is tremendous too.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7

 

No Way Out 2007

 

JBL goes on an insane USA tirade when Cole tries to introduce the Spanish announcers lol.

 

Wonderful, Cole has a sore throat. His voice is annoying enough without this.

 

Chris Benoit & The Hardy Boys Vs MNM & MVP

Plenty of talent in this match! MVP is here too. Should have replaced him with Melina. Would be better.

Speaking of Melina… DAMN. Smoking hot!

JBL goes insane when Benoit gets tagged in, and hypes up how great he is and claims the entire match is gonna change. Aaaand then MVP gains control over Benoit after about 5 seconds .

DOUBLE GERMAN SUPLEX~! Benoit just German Suplexed BOTH MNM at the same time! Oh btw this is all happening right at the end of the match . Literally nothing to talk about until that point .

Match isn’t bad. Not in the slightest… it’s just… a basic tag match. Heels control, hot tag, finishing stretch. Nothing out of the ordinary, no big bumps, no shocking moments. Just a solid tag that could easily have been on Smackdown rather than the PPV.

oh yeah, and Nitro somehow manages to take a BACK BUMP from an attempted BULLDOG by Matt .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Hornswoggle thinks little people are scary . Finlay… throws him in a dumpster. And then he gets attacked by the mini boogeyman.

 

Scotty 2 Hotty Vs Daivari Vs Gregory Helms Vs Funaki Vs Shannon Moore Vs Jimmy Wang Yang Vs Jamie Noble Vs Chavo Guerrero – Cruiserweight Championship Open Match

Basically a gauntlet match.

so they put Daivari over at the start of the match, as he actually BEAT the CW Champ, Helms, on SD the week before. Aaaand then about 2 minutes later Scotty 2 Hotty beats him with the WORM .

Speaking of Helms, he’s out next. CODE BREAKER~!

Man, the CW division was pretty dire at this point wasn’t it?

Funaki gets pinned in about 10 seconds. They might as well have not booked him on the show lol.

Code Breaker to Moore. Wow this match so far is a whole bunch of NOTHING.

The crowd are into this match just as much as me. They are silent, btw. In case you couldn’t figure it out…

Huh, Wang Yang just eliminated Helms. And… the match isn’t even over yet?

JAMIE NOBLE~! Are these two the last guys in the match? Which means one of these two are gonna be the NEW CW champ? Well at least they used up all the trash early on in the match .

Bought a new lamp today. It’s pretty cool. With an LED bulb, which supposedly lasts 20 years. As someone who went through a pack of bulbs a month with my previous… 5 or 6 lamps lol… it’ll be interesting to see if the LED bulb can live up to expectations .

Urgh, Chavo is in this match too. Guessing he wins? Yeah, he wins. Urgh.

What a boring, total NOTHING match that took the belt off Helms, who held it for over a year, in the most underwhelming way ever.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Finlay & Hornswoggle Vs The Boogeyman & The Little Boogeyman

…

I’m actually skipping a FINLAY match.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

King Booker Vs Kane

It just gets worse.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Paul London & Bryan Kendrick Vs Deuce & Domino – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

So this is another of the many “new tag team shows up and immediately gets a title shot and wins” scenario that WWE seems to love for whatever reason. God forbid they ever try and build a team up first.

Cole’s voice is getting worse and worse. Urgh. Why put a guy on commentary who can’t talk very well? HIS ONLY JOB IS TO TALK AND HE CAN BARELY DO IT.

Fuck me, did I honestly think JBL was awesome on commentary during his first run in 06/07? I remember being so excited when he came back, then quickly got sick of him saying the same old shit. He was literally NO DIFFERENT back during this time too. He’s as annoying here as he is on any current show. Cole too. It’s just awful and them rambling about useless shit is taking me out of this match (which might not be a bad think since it’s D&D in there, but still…).

Huh, London and Kendrick retain. Honestly thought this was when D&D won the belts lol. Guess that showed me .

If I had skipped this, I wouldn’t have missed anything.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Bobby Lashley Vs Mr Kennedy – ECW Championship Match

Urgh. I guess I’ll give it a watch, what with it being a brand title match and all. Kennedy cuts a cringe worthy promo before the match, then Lashley shows up, mumbles, and I *think* punches Kennedy… but it might have been a push. Either way it looked awful and shitty .

Boy is this dull. Should have been the tagline for the show. “WWE No Way Out 2007: Boy is this dull!”

Kennedy attacked Lashley from behind on his way to the ring, and they do some shitty fighting on the outside, then inside the ring they… do some shitty wrestling. Lashley just kinda runs at Kennedy with his arms and clubs him down, and Kennedy works the leg of Lashley in the most boring way possible.

Devin The Dude is in the crowd!!! No idea who he is, but someone has a sign pointing to him. And looking at the crowd is far more exciting than what the two guys in the ring are doing.

So…. how about that local sports team huh? NOTHING IS HAPPENING IN THIS MATCH FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT.

the finish is Lashley getting DQ’d for hitting Kennedy with the chair that Kennedy brought into the ring . A dull as shit match with a terrible finish .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The divas show up for… something, and Ashley does a Sable with covered tits, except they are playboy bunnies instead of handprints.

 

The Undertaker & Batista Vs Shawn Michaels & John Cena

Fuck YES, finally a match worth seeing on this show!!!

Man, this really was a HUGE fucking tag. Sure, it doesn’t THOSE names like Hogan, Austin and Rock, but sweet jebus, we do have UNDERTAKER who is one of the biggest icons and legends in the history of the business, HBK who is always put right up near the top when it comes to WWE, Cena who is still the top guy right now and has been for TEN YEARS, and Batista who was Cena’s #2 at the time and is starting to gain some real momentum in Hollywood atm. And to top it all off, these guys are all part of the 2 WM main events for the WHC and WWE title!

Back in 07 I was soooo looking forward to this match for one reason, and honestly it’s still the main reason I love watching it back; UNDERTAKER VS SHAWN MICHAELS. The RR a month before was their first physical encounter in NINE YEARS. And we still had to wait another 2 to get them one on one . But we got that 2 years in a row at WM and both are fucking tremendous .

Match starts off with Batista Vs Cena, which is actually pretty big in its own right and would be a main event for a WM a couple of years later too. In fact it happened in 2010, right? And on the same show was the second Taker/HBK WM match too! Random trivia that means fuck all and nobody cares about but I’m telling you anyway SO THERE!!!

UNDERTAKER AND HBK IN THE SAME RING TOGETHER . Crowd have been shit all night, guess they were saving themselves for this match. Don’t blame em. Everything else was shit, and this has UNDERTAKER VS SHAWN MICHAELS in it .

UNDERTAKER AND CENA . Disappointing that was never got this at WM. Sure, technically it still COULD happen, but it SHOULD have happened a couple of years ago. Ah well, thankfully they have at least had a couple of great singles matches together in 03 and 04 .

SUPERPLEX TO UNDERTAKER FROM CENA~!

UNDERTAKER SITS UP~!

MOAR UNDERTAKER VS SHAWN MICHAELS~!

Good GOD, Undertaker powers Shawn up for a body press, then just STARES at Cena like “hey, dick head, I’m gonna murder your partner and there is nothing you can do”. And then he just launches HBK over the ropes to the floor . They were doing this shit in 1998. It’s now 2007 and they are STILL more than capable of doing it, and doing it perhaps even better than back then .

Batista and the Dead Man do a good job of working over HBK, and I’m just nonstop over Taker and Shawn being in the same match lol.

Hot tag comes and things get even BETTER with all hell breaking loose. I like how Cena does his 5 moves of doom shit, but splits it between Undertaker and Batista. Probably because Undertaker was all “it’s shit and I hate how it’s set up” . And he’d be 100% right because it IS shit and the set up is awful. It all requires Cena’s opponents to do THE EXACT SAME SHIT to Cena every time, rather than CENA doing everything. And it makes his opponents look retarded.

F-U TO BATISTA~!

MORE LIKE F-U TO CENA BECAUSE UNDERTAKER BOOTED HIM IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THE MOVE FROM HAPPENING~!

Also nice to see that things settle down again a little so we can have another, albeit short, FIP segment, only this time Batista is the one in peril.

LOL, HBK tells Undertaker to SUCK IT as he sets up Sweet Chin Music on Batista… only for Batista to counter and tag ‘Taker in . THE DEAD MAN GONNA KILL EM ALL~!

HOLY SHIT SPINEBUSTER TO UNDERTAKER . Batista just sent a message to his WM opponent! Undertaker is left alone, hurt, with HBK AND John Cena!

Sweet Chin Music right into an F-U, and THE UNDERTAKER takes the fall in the match! Well DAMN! I actually forgot that happened .

Ahhhh, this still rules the planet. The four top guys on the planet at the time in the ring together. WM opponents forced to team up and work together. All hell breaking loose. And what a way to help build to WM too! HBK/Cena were tag champs at the time, and HBK made it clear that he wanted Cena 100% and would “protect” him, so honestly those two working together better AND coming out on top makes sense. Meanwhile Batista and Undertaker are two MONSTERS who just wanna destroy everyone and be WHC. Undertaker sent a message to Batista after the RR when he chose him as his WM opponent and chokeslammed the shit out of him, and now Batista is sending a message right back to Undertaker that he isn’t afraid of the Dead Man. And to top it all off, in ring wise it’s a tremendous tag match and the crowd are HOT for it, unlike the rest of the PPV.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5

 

Unforgiven 2007

 

“Don’t be afraid. BE TERRIFIED.”

Of the main event?

 

CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke – ECW Championship Match

Lol, big video package showcasing the match between Punk and Morrison where Punk finally wins the ECW title is shown. Aaaand then we move to the ring where Burke has been given a jobber entrance and is seemingly randomly getting a title shot .

Not long before their “awesome” chemistry shines through as they manage to botch an Irish Whip spot .

FUCK ME. Looked like Punk legit connected with the running knee there. Burke just kinda falls down too lol.

Well, seems Burke gets his own back by forcing Punk to take a pretty sick looking bump on the floor…

So wow, this match was waaaaay better than I was expecting. Burke was fine playing a cocky heel working over the back of Punk to set up to his finisher, and Punk was his usual good self. Enjoyed how Burke went from being cocky and confident to becoming more and more frustrated at not being able to finish Punk off, which in the end causes him to get caught in a roll up and beaten.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Matt Hardy & MVP Vs Deuce & Domino – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Am I the only one that really enjoyed the feud between Hardy and MVP, where instead of wrestling each other they did those competitions and then ended up teaming together to win the tag belts lol?

Whole match here really is about MVP and Matt, with D&D just being there to get their standard rematch clause. MVP and Matt argue over who is gonna start, with Matt telling MVP that HE will start… until MVP blind tags himself in instead .

From there it’s a good old “your turn, my turn” display as both guys try to out-do the other by absolutely dominating the former tag champs lol.

Matt ends up being FIP because, you know, he’s Matt freakin’ Hardy and he’s awesome at being a FIP. MVP gets frustrated on the apron and almost walks out on Matt. Matt then starts to make a comeback and MVP realises that hey, maybe they could actually win now, and he comes back .

End sees Matt taking a page out of MVP’s book by blind tagging himself in, knocking MVP out of the ring and getting the win, just like MVP did when they won the titles in the first place!

Fun match, but like I said, D&D were total after thoughts here.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Triple H Vs Carlito – No DQ For Carlito Only

HHH, recently returning at SS… is the third match on a C PPV against Carlito . Booker T must have used some black magic to get his own back for being buried the month before . AND NO, I DIDN’T SAY BLACK MAGIC BECAUSE BOOKER T IS BLACK. I’m not a racist. I may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a racist, but I am NOT a porn star.

So Carlito can’t be DQ’d or anything, but HHH can. So… HHH basically wrestles like a heel and cheats behind the referee’s back to make things “even” lol.

Aaaand then Carlito fucking blasts HHH right in the FACE with the ring bell and I a little lol. More people should hit HHH in the face with weapons.

Stuff happens. HHH low blows Carlito behind the referee’s back and hits a Pedigree to win.

The lesson here? Not even with an advantage in the match can Carlito come close to beating HHH. LOL.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Maria interviews Batista. Batista stares at her tits.

 

Beth Phoenix Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Candice was champion?

Skip.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Khali breaks some fruit.

 

The Great Khali Vs Rey Mysterio Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Rey and Batista try to double team Khali until Rey rolls up Batista from behind. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND~!

Most of this match is Cole and JBL trying to explain how big and strong Khali is. IT’S LIKE RUNNING INTO A BRICK WALL. IT’S LIKE BEING HIT WITH A BRICK. Basically Khali is a giant brick, apparently.

This match isn’t actually bad. Like, at all. Khali doesn’t do much other than club, kick and clothesline, but he’s mostly doing it to Rey who is a bumping/selling GOD, so it all looks spectacular.

Rey manages to take out Khlai, but Batista prevents him from winning, and lands a Batista Bomb, dropping Rey onto Khali, then shoves Rey out of the ring so he can Spinebuster Khali and pin him to win the title!

Definitely shocked at this.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Paul London & Bryan Kendrick Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

Hmmm, this could be pretty darn awesome! Though nobody talks about it… so either it’s a very well hidden gem or it’s not worth talking about.

Lol, Murdoch is awesome on the apron early on while Cade is in the ring. He’s constantly shouting encouragement to his partner and generally just being a character on the apron which is awesome to see.

Nothing big and fancy here, just a good old fashioned TAG TEAM match. Early babyface shine period, then the heels dominate and do a pretty great job of keeping Kendrick from making the tat, and then when the hot tag finally comes the fans are all over it, and thankfully it ISN’T just a “hot tag + finishing stretch” type of match!

In the end, it’s those Southern Old School heels that retain their belts .

Good match, needs to be talked about more for sure!!!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I honestly thought the title match was something different on this show .

No wonder Cena is like Superman, his dad got punted in the head during the build up to this match and he’s sitting at ringside for the match as if nothing happened. THE PUNK TOOK OUT HBK FOR HALF THE YEAR AND RETIRED RVD FOR A FEW YEARS.

Cena is fighting for retribution after Orton beat up his dad, and the fans are BOOING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM .

So Cena is pissed. And aside from his cheesy “shaking with anger” pose, he does a pretty good job at just running into Orton and beating the ever loving FUCK out of Randy every chance he gets. Then we have Orton trying to slow the pace down and prevent Cena from punching him in the face. Odd, so far I’m… enjoying this match? Huh. This might end up being one of their best matches at this rate .

HEADLOCK~! But it’s still at a time when Orton applies it really well, so yey! They work a pretty darn great spot with it during the match, with Orton making it look like the most deadly hold ever, Cena selling it well, then slowly fighting out of it and really having to put some fucking effort into escaping. And when he escapes? BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF ORTON.

So much so that THE REFEREE DQ’S CENA. Well damn. That’s… awesome. No, seriously, that’s AWESOME. This match was about Cena wanting to utterly destroy Orton following the PUNT to his dad, and Cena wrestled the entire match like that and in the end Cena didn’t give a fuck about BEATING Orton, he just wanted to BEAT ORTON UP.

Obviously the match was mainly here to set up to a rematch at No Mercy, which never happens as Cena gets injured, but it does a fantastic job of heating up the feud some more.

Oh SHIT, the stuff after the bell is even more awesome. Orton tries to PUNT Cena’s dad again, but Cena stops him and locks in the STFU, then tells his dad to kick Orton in the head.

CENA’S DAD PUNTS ORTON IN THE FUCKING HEAD~! And it’s the best thing ever. Isn’t Cena’s dad a manager or something on the Indy scene? Guy needs to be on WWE TV. He’s great. Looks like a fucking MAFIA DON when he’s pissed off. Backstage The Coach is screaming at him for what just happened and announced a Last Man Standing match between Cena and Orton at No Mercy. Then Cena shows up and shoves Coach down, which is probably best for Coach because Cena’s dad just stands there stone faced and was likely about to snap his neck or something.

Wow, and to think, I was dreading this match!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

The Undertaker Vs Mark Henry

It’s the return of the motherfucking DEAD MAN!!!

Unfortunately this match is kinda well known for being awful. But as an Undertaker fan I’m sure I’ll enjoy it .

Undertaker’s return entrance is glorious as always .

The fans aren’t exactly going nuts here which is a shame, because Undertaker and Henry are giving us a good show. Undertaker’s punches are just and Henry just fucking SUPERPLEXED Undertaker!!!

Always makes me when the commentators try to claim Henry really IS the strongest man in the world. “IT’S NOT JUST A NICKNAME HE’S REALLY THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN”. Meanwhile in 2007, Mariusz Pudzianowski and Zydrunas Savickas existed .

Man, the crowd being dead really do kinda suck the fun out of this match lol. Fucking fans. Don’t know a good match if it takes out it’s cock and slaps them in the face with it.

Henry’s work over could have been a little better, he seems to do far too many splashes lol, but otherwise it’s good. Undertaker’s comeback is because he’s fucking awesome .

CHOKESLAM~!

KICK OUT~!

BEAR HU… Urgh, Bear Hug .

Oh hey, Henry has Undertaker in the corner. And he’s climbing the ropes to punch him in the face. I WONDER WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN HERE!

LAST FUCKING RIDE OUT OF THE CORNER TO HENRY~!

The Dead Man wins!

This is a good little match . Fans can go to hell for being shit.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 9.5

 

Vengeance Night of Champions

 

Time to kick off my 2007 PPV Rambles with the PPV that has 2 names! Because… I dunno.

 

Barry Windham and Mike Rotunda (announced as Rotundo… make up your mind which name you wanna give him lol) are in the front row for the show .

 

The Hardy Boys Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, this is a good way to start off the show! At least… I hope!

Murdoch hits a swinging neckbreaker on Jeff… who fails to turn over until like the last second .

The Hardy Boys aren’t in a good mood tonight. They refuse to shake hands and are constantly on the attack. Murdoch is sick of this disrespect and SLAPS Matt, then RUNS AWAY . MURDOCH RUNS FROM MATT . Then he gets back in the ring and tags out straight away .

Murdoch has some awesome faces. WWE should re-hire him and stick him with the Wyatt Family .

How tag comes kinda out of nowhere, straight into a short finishing stretch with Cade and Murdoch winning. Huh. Disappointing tbh. Didn’t get much time to develop into anything special .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Chavo Guerrero Vs Jimmy Wang Yang – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

For some reason Dean Malenko is watching on a monitor backstage…

Fuck this match. Fuck it and everything about it. I HATE this match. Might end up being my least favourite match of ALL TIME. And why?

Because Chavo…

Because Chavo was…

Hold on, this might take some time…

I FUCKING HATE THIS MATCH because Chavo was actually…

He actually…

Chavo was…

CHAVO GUERRERO JR ACTUALLY IMPRESSED ME AND WAS GREAT IN THIS MATCH.

BRB, need a shower. I haven’t felt this dirty since ever. Sorry, I can’t bring myself to actually talk about it though. SO DIRTY…

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

I forgot this PPV was during the VINCE MCMAHON GOT BLOWN UP AND DIED angle . HEY EVERYONE, OUR CHAIRMAN BLEW UP AND DIED ON LIVE TV… SO LET’S CONTINUE TO SHOW THE FOOTAGE EVERY WEEK!!!

 

CM Punk Vs Johnny Nitro – ECW Championship Match

So we go from the storyline of Vince dying to… uhhh… Chris Benoit not showing up to the PPV because he was dead and killed his family. Awkward…

No Melina? BOOOOOOOOOO.

Hmmm… the commentators seem to be EXTREMELY QUIET during Nitro’s entrance. Almost like something was cut .

WE WANT BENOIT chants. Oh how those people regretted saying that the next night… .

Punk early on gets the better of Nitro, who buggers off to the outisde. Eventually Punk comes out and chases him, with Nitro getting back in the ring to do the old “lol I’ll attack you as you come in the ring” spot… and Punk instead trips Nitro up and dives on him over the ropes instead .

Sweet CHUCK KICK (that’s what he called it, right?) from Nitro.

Tazz and Styles mentioned that NO TITLE CAN BE WON ON A COUNTOUT. So it got me thinking… they should make a countout championship, where the only way to win is to beat your opponent by countout . Right, what’s Dixie Carter’s twitter again? I got a million dollar idea for her!!!

So commentary has clearly been edited throughout this match… yet they left the WE WANT BENOIT chants from the crowd? Awesome editing job, WWE…

Nitro works over Punk’s arm, no doubt to try and prevent the Anaconda Vice… so Punk fires back with KICKS~! and it’s awesome.

Nice swinging neckbreaker off the ropes from Nitro, and we gots a NEW ECW champion!

Solid match. Will always wonder how a Punk/Benoit match would have gone, but in its place, I’m happy with this. Probably better than their other matches minus the one where Punk finally wins the title .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

FOLEY AND ORTON BACKSTAGE CONFRONTATION~!

 

RICKY STEAMBOAT IS IN DA HOOOOOOUUUUUUUUSSSSEEEE!

 

Santino Marella Vs Umaga – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

oh god, kinda forgot that Santino was a “fan” that won the IC title from UMAGA . Umaga, the guy that a few months earlier was demolishing John Cena. Then he loses to a “fan” .

Santino sells his arm and hand in a unique way during a nerve grip that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.

Oh, Umaga got himself DQ’d because he kept wailing on Santino in the corner.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

MAGNUM TA~!

 

MVP Vs Ric Flair – WWE United States Championship Match

What else did Flair do on SD in 2007 btw? I honestly don’t remember him even getting drafted over lol. I just remember near the end of 07 when they started the retirement angle with him .

best part of this match is MVP getting chopped to death, then unzipping his Power Rangers outfit to look at his chest .

Flair is bleeding. For no real reason .

MVP with an Ulimate Warrior style press slam. That was… unexpected tbh lol.

Love Flair’s chop blocks to the back of his opponent’s knee. Always look awesome.

MVP thumbs Flair in the eye then follows it up with the worst finisher of all time to win.

Match was fine. Standard stuff.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Duece & Domino Vs Sgt Slaughter & Jimmy Snuka – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

they took the belts off London and Kendrick and gave them to these jokers .

who the fuck decided on the opponents?

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

So if Batista loses, he NEVER gets another shot at the title ever again. LET’S GO EDGE!

Oh, it’s just Batista’s last shot while EDGE is champion. That’s boring .

*one month later*

I suppose I should like, actually WATCH the rest of this show now, right? FINE. Gonna be a huge step down from all the genuine CLASSIC matches I’ve been watching lately lol.

In all seriousness though, I have always heard good things about this match. Or at least one of their matches together, gonna assume it is this one. Hope more than assume.

Harley Race is at ringside and Cole talks him up and says he’s trained champions like LANCE CADE who is one half of the world tag champs. JBL just fires back with “Trevor Murdoch…” and Cole shuts up .

Batista tries to work over Edge’s left arm early on… and for some reason Edge sells it… after using his right arm.

pretty awesome ring post spot with Batista running head first into it.

Cole continues to be a moron by being unable to count. Batista hit the ring post HEAD FIRST. Then he went into the ring post two more times SHOULDER FIRST. Cole claims he his his shoulder on the post 3 times.

Batista wins by DQ when Edge gives him a low blow.

Guessing this isn’t the “good” match between these 2 .

Oh wait, Teddy Long is here. He orders the match to restart and tells Edge if he gets DQ’d again he will lose the title!

Batista gets a second chance and… hits a Batista Bomb on the floor, and takes so long to get Edge back in the ring he gets himself counted out .

.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Melina Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

Hmmm…. fap? FAP.

Also, NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

John Cena Vs Mick Foley Vs Randy Orton Vs Booker T Vs Bobby Lashley – WWE Championship Match

What an odd clusterfuck-ish match this is on paper lol. Dunno why but 5 feels weird for a match rather than a 4 way or a 6 way or something with an even number. Plus, Mick Foley in a main event for the title in 2007? Who thought that was a good idea? *remembers TNA gave him their world title a couple of years later*

Booker T pussies out of the ring leaving Orton on his own with the 3 babyfaces. Tease a staredown between Cena and Lashley, then Booker comes back in and decks Cena.

LASHLEY DIVES OVER THE ROPES ONTO EVERYONE~! Huh, wasn’t expecting that from him lol!

“Lashley has one goal, one thing on his mind and that’s RANDY ORTON” at Orton interrupting things and screwing up JR’s sentence .

Wow, 3 of the people in this match would end up in TNA in the next couple of years, and 2 of them are former TNA champions!!!

Pretty great spot with Lashley blocking an RKO, then turning right around into an F-U through the announce table!!!

Where the feck is Foley? He was there at the start of the match, then he did his Cactus Clothesline to Orton and got crushed by Lashley when Lashley dove over the ropes and then… nothing lol.

Oh, there is is! He just stopped Orton from winning the title! Thank you Mick! Thank you Mick! Thank you Mick!

PUNT TO MICK~!

F-U to Foley and Cena retains.

This was 18 minutes long according to wiki. Felt like 10 tbh. And not in a good way . Moves happened. Cena won. There was nothing to this match whatsoever. It’s just there. It exists and nothing else.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3

 

Armageddon 2006

 

Time to end 2006 PPV Rambles with… the final PPV of the year! Might not be the BEST show, but certainly one of the more FUN shows with a couple of great matches too!

 

Kane Vs MVP – Inferno Match

First inferno match since 1999! Which was Kane Vs HHH, I think? During that whole “Unforgiven Challenge” on Smackdown where HHH had to wrestle 5 crazy stipulation matches, including an inferno match with Kane, and a casket match against Undertaker (who walked out before the match and wasn’t seen again until JD 2000 because he was injured, so Mideon and Viscera replaced him).

You gotta have BALLS OF STEEL to be in one of these matches tbh. MVP was on the top rope when the flames shot up and almost caught his fucking leg. How he didn’t launch himself away in terror is beyond me lol.

LOL at each side all having a turn at going out.

KANE TAKES OFF A TURNBUCKLE PAD AND SETS IT ON FIRE!!! MVP attacked Kane and forced him to drop it and MVP nearly FELL ON IT.

Love when the flames shoot up in the air on impact from a big move . An awesome sight.

Despite the limitations of this match (you know, being surrounded by FIRE), they manage to have a pretty good match. Which can’t be the easiest thing to do lol.

As with all inferno matches, they end up on the outside because apparently getting set on fire INSIDE THE RING isn’t an option?

Poor MVP barely got anything in on Kane, and in the end, gets his BACK SET ON FIRE.

I like this . They did well all things considering, and while MVP never really impressed me during his career, I did enjoy his series of matches with Kane in 06.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Paul London & Brian Kendrick Vs William Regal & Dave Taylor Vs The Hardy Boys Vs MNM – WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match

Originally set to just be a normal tag between Londrick and Regal/Taylor, but Teddy Long decides to make it a 4 way ladder match! Both awesome (FOUR WAY LADDER MATCH) and disappointing (no regular tag between 2 awesome tag teams) .

Melina looking DAMN GOOD.

JBL is screaming and swearing about how Teddy Long is a bastard putting MVP in the inferno match, then goes crazy when he makes a 4 team ladder match, claiming they’ll be stretchering out bodies all night. Then once THE HARDY BOYS are announced he’s LOVING IT because they are the “KINGS OF TLC” apparently .

Wild crazy brawl to start things off, then REGAL AND TAYLOR begin to rule. Regal KILLS Londrick with suplexes. And we haven’t even got to the one on a ladder yet .

Hardy’s try to bring ladders into the ring, but Regal and Taylor throw them back out . They don’t want any part of ladders. They don’t NEED ladders to demolish people!

Bodies are flying EVERYWHERE .

Despite all the crazy ladder matches that took place prior to this one, they are still able to produce a TON of unique spots! And that is impressive tbh. Far too often now in MITB matches we see “standard” ladder spots and the matches suffer as a result.

Speaking of suffering…

Ouch. Fucking OUCH.

And hey, this match isn’t over yet!

REGAL AND TAYLOR TIME~! They’ve been on the floor for a little while, so it’s time for them to shine!!!

and after Regal does THAT, he tries to climb a ladder and wusses out because he’s terrified of heights . <3 REGAL.

THIS IS AWESOME *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

SLICED BREAD #2 FROM THE TOP OF A LADDER TO REGAL~! Regal crashes to the mat and might be dead. Kendrick almost landed on his NECK and probably IS dead.

PAUL LONDON GETS THE BELTS~! LONDRICK RETAIN~!

Oh my, this is just wonderful. “Spotfest” aren’t usually my thing, but every now and then one will come along and it’ll be done so awesomely, you can’t NOT like it. This is one of them. All 8 men do a terrific job, we get a TON of unique and awesome spots, some of which are my favourite ladder match related spots EVER, and the fact that Mercury had to be taken the hospital half way through the match and it didn’t stop the flow or screw these guys up is a testament to how good they are.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

 

Fuck me, we are only TWO MATCHES IN to the PPV .

 

The Boogeyman Vs The Miz

Well this sure is a downer after that awesome ladder match. But I guess fans will need to get something to eat or drink, and take a piss, after not being able to go ANYWHERE during the last match.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Chris Benoit Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE United States Championship Match

they are actually trying to make people believe that Benoit intentionally hit Vickie at the Survivor Series when she got on the apron and Chavo shoved him into her . Benoit would NEVER hurt a women… nevermind.

Hoping this is fairly short like their SVS match. The longer it does, the worse it’s going to be because CHABO SUCKS.

Anyway, this was ok. A little longer than I would have wanted. Couldn’t be arsed wasting energy talking about Chabo .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Gregory Helms Vs Jimmy Wang Yang – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

YING YING YANG YONG YING YANG YANG~! I honestly don’t know why JBL said that .

We are getting one HELL of a great CW match here, plenty of action etc, no rest holds and the fans are chanting BORING? Some people just need a good slapping.

that running heel kick in the corner where Yang flies over the ropes and catches himself is awesome.

JBL reveals he wears chaps.

SUPER NECKBREAKER~!

Helms flies off the ropes and gets caught with another heel kick right to the face!

CODEBREAKER~!

HELMS WINS~!

Man, what a match. Great, great action. And that heel kick that caught Helms coming off the ropes seems to have busted him open too. Shame the fans were dumb cunts.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

The Undertaker Vs Mr Kennedy – Last Ride Match

this card just keeps on giving!!!

all the way through Kennedy’s pre-match promo in the ring there is one guy just screaming YOUUUUU SUUUUUCK over and over again .

Undertaker is out to DESTROY Mr Kennedy. Awesome spot early on where Undertaker launches Kennedy off the announce table, ribs first into the apron!

THAT APRON LEGDROP~! Great camera angle underneath Kennedy’s head, and Mr Kennedy always tries to climb up the ropes which creates space between him and the apron, so he ends up taking a bump off the legdrop too .

that Kennedy hater can still be heard screaming YOU SUUUUCK .

SLEEPER HOLD~! Mr Kennedy has put Undertaker in the hearse! He goes to get in the front seat to drive away… and UNDERTAKER POPS OUT .

CHAIR SHOTS~! Kennedy is mauling the Dead Man with a steel chair, but The Undertaker keeps getting back up and ends up chasing Kennedy up on the Armageddon stage!!!

They battle on top of the stage and then…

always amazing to see Undertaker taking bumps like that despite his size and age. Also amazing that despite everything we’ve already seen tonight, that was STILL fucking awesome .

Kennedy has to drag the body of Undertaker to the hearse. This match has GOT to be over now, right?

Undertaker is in the hearse, Kennedy is in the driver’s seat and then… UNDERTAKER SITS UP AND DRAGS KENNEDY INTO THE BACK WITH HIM AND OUT AGAIN TO THE ARENA!!! Undertaker is alive! He’s alive!!!

Undertaker just tried to KILL Kennedy with a steel pipe!!! Luckily for Kennedy he was able to duck, and Undertaker instead smashed through the back window of the hearse.

CHAIR TO THE HEAD~! Kennedy is BUSTED WIDE OPEN.

CHOKESLAM ON THE ROOF OF THE HEARSE~!

TOMBSTONE ON THE ROOF OF THE HEARSE~!

This one is done!

Great match . Awesome brawling, some great spots, and any time we get to see THE UNDERTAKER driving is just something to behold .

The “worst” of their PPV series, which just says more about their previous matches.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Booker T and Finlay backstage. So has Booker dropped his King accent now he’s no longer the champion? I know he kept the King Booker gimmick, but did he keep the accent? Because he sure as fuck wasn’t using it here .

 

Ashley Vs Kristal Vs Layla Vs Jillian – Naughty or Nice Lingerie Contest

Fap? FAP.

BIG DICK JOHNSON is Santa. Layla is all over him and JBL screams “LAYLA’S A CHUBBY CHASER”. Which means wrestling fans around the world all have hope!!!

In the end, EVERYONE wins.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

John Cena & Batista Vs Finlay & Booker T

On paper… this actually interests me. However based on memory, this wasn’t good . Still, I’ll give it a watch. After all, FINLAY.

Yawn, Cena and Booker start things off.

Yey Finlay tags in and gets him some of Batista.

Batista catches Finlay coming off the ropes, but instead of slamming him or anything, just puts him down and SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE.

MUSCLE BUSTER~!

NOOOOOOOO Booker T tagged in . This should have just been a handicap match. Finlay would fucking own both champions. And that just reminded me of one of my favourite FINLAY stories from Lance Storm, where he talks about how Finlay wanted a handicap match with Luger and Buff on the last ever Nitro so he could beat the shit out of them for being so damn lazy for the last year or so . He even said he’d do it for free!!!

Finlay breaks up a tag, so Batista runs in and charges towards Finlay and… well I think he forgot what the fuck he was supposed to do because he just kinda slams into Finlay with no real purpose .

Little Bastard comes out to kick Cena in the head and… kicks HIMSELF in the head!!!

Batista Bomb to Booker.

So this was still crap . So disappointing. There just wasn’t anything to the match at all.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 14

 

Survivor Series 2006

 

Well… time to get this out of the way so I can finish 2006 PPV’s with ARMAGEDDON.

 

Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons & Sgt Slaughter Vs Kenny, Johnny, Nicky & Mikey – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

A bunch of old men vs male cheerleaders.

ARN ANDERSON in the corner of the legends .

Mitch is stuck on the outside for the Spirit Squad. LOL.

Piper was supposed to be in this match, but was replaced by Simmons when Piper was diagnosed with cancer and needed surgery.

Simmons starting things off . I don’t think all 5 members of the Spirit Squad combined can match the POWER of Ron Simmons.

POWERSLAM~!

SIMMONS TAKING OUT THE ENTIRE SPIRIT SQUAD~!

Mitch trips Simmons up, so Simmons chases him and gets counted out . ARN smashes Mitch into the ring post, Simmons gives him a Spinebuster, and the referee kicks Mitch out for tripping up Ron!

Bah, Anderson gets sent to the back too .

BULLSHIT chant at that call from the referee .

Ziggler mocking Slaughter . Doesn’t go well for him .

Ziggler gets destroyed by all the legends, then passes out in the Cobra Clutch, but Sarge gets kicked in the back of the head and Ziggler gets pulled over for the cover and eliminates him without doing a damn thing .

ELBOW~! Dusty pins Ziggler. ZIGGLER GOT NO OFFENCE IN AND ELIMINATED SOMEONE .

Dusty gets pinned, leaving Flair to battle 3 members of the Spirit Squad on his own.

FLAIR WINS .

Well this was.. pretty short and not awful or anything, just not something I’d ever feel the need to watch again .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Chris Benoit Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE United States Championship Match

Well, time to see if Benoit can carry Chabo to a match that doesn’t make me wanna shoot myself.

Remember the angle involving Eddie’s Estate? Neither does WWE because it went nowhere .

So according to JBL, Chabo is a 2nd generation wrestler. Did he confuse him with his dad? Nah, nobody is that stupid. Chavo CLASSIC was great.

Benoit is good here, as you would expect. His awesome style of never letting his opponent breath, even when he’s being beat down, is something I will never tire of. Chabo shows some nice aggression at times too… and then at other times he looks like a goof play fighting with someone . Technically he IS, but come on, don’t make it LOOK like you’re doing that.

FROG SPLASH~! Sorry, only EDDIE can pin people with that .

EDDIE chants… which make about as much sense as a USA chant would in this match. Eddie chant could motivate BOTH guys…

Crossface. Benoit wins.

Thankfully this didn’t last 20 minutes or something, so they kept it short and were able to keep as much shite (aka CHABO STUFF) out of the match.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Todd Grisham is interviewing LITA’S BOOB. Lita is retiring tonight . Oh hey, Edge is there too. Didn’t notice him. Cryme Tyme can be seen in the background breaking into Lita’s locker room and stealing her panties. Fucking perverted thieving bastards…

 

Lita Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

SHE’S A CRACK WHORE chants. FUCK YOU, WWE FANS!!!

Mickie James’ ass is on display for 99% of the match .

Wrestling wise… well it’s better than their Cyber Sunday bout that was just total trash lol .

Much of what they do might not look tht great, but hey, at least it’s not a sloppy mess like the last time .

SHE’S GOT HERPES chant. I hate the fans sometimes .

awesome series of kicks from Mickie!

awesome view of Mickie after the Fisherman’s Suplex!

MOONSAULT~!

MICKIE KICKS OUT~!

Big DDT by Mickie, and she wins the women’s championship!

Cryme Tyme show up afterwards to sell off Lita’s underwear. At the time I hated this whole thing. Lita is awesome and deserved a proper send off… but she was a HEEL at the time, so this was a great way to go out! Just like Jericho in 2005 when he was dragged out kicking and screaming. He was a heel and wanted to LEAVE like a heel, so I can easily see Lita wanting to do the same here.

Actual match is decent. Nothing more, nothing less.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

awesome clip of a Batista interview, where he just sits there, doesn’t move, and doesn’t say anything. His best interview EVER!!!

 

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, CM Punk, Matt Hardy & Jeff Hardy Vs Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Gregory Helms & Mike Knox – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

DX pander to the crowd and… the crowd chant for CM Punk . So HHH at least realises his popularity and hands him the mic to ask Philly if they are READY .

MELINA FAP~!

I think Kelly Kelly forgot her clothes. She never was the brightest knife in the drawer though… .

HHH spots Kelly Kelly and askes her to take her tits out. Knox ain’t happen and… well…

I’m a fan of Mike Knox these days, but back in 2006 when he first showed up on ECW, I really couldn’t care less about the guy. So it was, and still is, HILARIOUS to see HBK superkick him in the face, pin him, then ask the rest of his team if he was part of the match .

then we get that awesome moment of HBK sliding out of the ring and putting his arm around Melina, who thinks its Nitro. She realises its Shawn, screams, causing Shawn to scream too . Fun stuff.

PUNK . Comes in, mauls Nitro and makes him TAP OUT!

5 on 3 now, so I guess the heels have got to eliminate SOMEONE now, right? Ahhh, Edge is in against Punk. Punk is a newbie in the WWE and Edge won the WWE title twice in 2006 so surely this is gonna be the first elimination, right?

Nope, Orton tags in. I guess Orton is gonna be the one to eliminate Punk, right?

Nope, Helms tags in, and starts throwing those big knees to the face . Helms has been on a roll all year as the CW champ, so maybe they’re gonna give HIM the Punk elimination, right?

Nope, Orton tags in. See what I said about Orton a couple of lines up? That’s what I wanna say here again too .

RKO TO PUNK~! See, I knew it! Orton is getting the elimination!

Nope . HBK breaks up the pin! Wait… they can DO THAT? WHY DOES NOBODY ELSE EVER DO IT?!?!

Hot tag to HHH, and hot tag to Helms on the other side and… well, Helms ain’t beating HHH . Love how Jeff and Shawn run into the ring to help out HHH when Edge runs in, meanwhile Matt just stands on the apron like a lazy bastard .

TWIST OF FATE~! SWANTON~! Matt eliminates Helms.

5 on 2 now, with Rated RKO left all alone! They are two main eventers, AND the tag champs though, so SURELY they’ll get rid of a couple at least, right? Punk, then maybe one of the Hardy Boys?

Nope .

SUPERKICK~! Edge is GONE!

Well, Orton IS the king of Survivor Series, right? He was the sole survivor in 2003, 2004 and 2005! If anyone can do it, it’s RANDY MOTHERFUCKING SOLE SURVIVOR ORTON, right?

Nope .

Superkick into a Pedigree, and this is done.

the heels got absolutely CRUSHED . WHO BOOKED THIS SHIT? I mean yeah, it’s fun as fuck to watch, but seriously, who thought it was a GOOD idea to have a clean sweep win over the heels?!?!

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

The Undertaker Vs Mr Kennedy – First Blood Match

Kennedy wastes no time taking off a couple of turnbuckle pads before the match! It helped him in their No Mercy match (aka pissed off Undertaker so much he got himself DQ’d ), and in a first blood match it might help even more!

Undertaker makes his entrance, and once Kennedy lays eyes on the Dead Man, he decides to take off ANOTHER turnbuckle pad lol.

PUNCHES TO THE FACE .

We Want lEsner sign in the crowd lol. As well as a HI FISH sign.

Fuck me, Kennedy, like JBL, knows how to take a big boot to the face from the Dead Man to PERFECTION .

Kennedy fights back, but this just seems to ANGER Undertaker, who now focuses his attack from the HEAD of Kennedy to the RIBS. That way, if he makes Kennedy bleed, it’s going to be INTERNAL BLEEDING, which is far worse! If I were Kennedy, I would have just bladed once the bell rang and saved myself a lot of pain!

UNDERTAKER WITH A SUPERPLEX!!!

MORE SHOTS TO THE RIBS!!!

LOW BLOW out of desperation from Mr Kennedy! Guess he’s trying to make Undertaker piss blood?

Undertaker is just BRUTALISING Kennedy’s ribs!

ANOTHER LOW BLOW~!

Kennedy rolls to the outside and he’s bleeding! He is bleeding internally! But the referee can’t see, and MVP shows up and cleans Kennedy up! D’awwww, MVP and Kennedy are such good friends .

Well, except for those multiple occasions when Kennedy sent MVP to the wolves aka BOD. PAYBACK FOR MVP~! He throws Kennedy back into the ring for more punishment!!!

Kennedy is screaming out in pain .

those exposed turnbuckles come into play . These guys don’t do ANYTHING that doesn’t get a payoff .

Undertaker isn’t bleeding yet though, but Kennedy is making a comeback. MVP gets in the ring with a chair to take out Kennedy and… SMASHES IT IN THE FACE OF THE DEAD MAN!

Undertaker is now bleeding! The referee sees it and Mr Kennedy just beat The Undertaker in a fucking first blood match! Holy shit!!!

Silly Kennedy though, doesn’t know when to leave. And Undertaker gets back up. Payback is a BITCH.

Great, great match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu & RVD Vs The Big Show, Finlay, Umaga, Test & MVP – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

Cena goes crazy and wipes out the heel team single handed right at the start. Umaga isn’t happy, so he rips apart an announce table, steals a momitor and hits everyone in sight, including Cena! Well, I was wondering how they were gonna protect Umaga’s streak of never being pinned or forced to submit. Didn’t expect the answer so quickly lol.

Holy motherfucking shit. RVD is usually sloppy and stiff with those kicks, and the shot to FINLAY’S HEAD would have probably killed a normal man. Jebus. I mean WOW. I’m surprised my neighbours haven’t come to the house complaining about the noise it made!

Oh hey MVP just got pinned. And then Test kicked RVD’s head off and pinned him .

SPEAR TO TEST ON THE FLOOR~!

DDT from Sabu, and Test is gone! LOL.

Big Show just turned a crossbody counter into a CHOKESLAM . See ya later, Sabu!

Kane and Big Show stare down . Big Show points to his eye, making reference to what happened MONTHS ago!!!

LITTLE BASTARD~! Finlay cracks Kane in the back of the head! Chokeslam! Kane is gone!

Cena/Lashley Vs Big Show/Finlay! Not a bad tag match on paper tbh lol!

Seeing Finlay maul Cena makes me so damn happy. Giddy, even! Oh, if only Finlay was the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION at this time. Stupid Stephanie.

All hell is breaking loose! FINLAY THROWS LITTLE BASTARD AT LASHLEY WHO DUCKS AND SPEARS FINLAY, WHILE CENA CATCHES LITTLE BASTARD, GIVES HIM AN F-U, AND FINLAY GETS PINNED!!! If Finlay had to lose here, I think that might have been the most awesome way for him to go out!!!

at Cena getting booed every time he tags in .

DISCHARGE THE MARINE sign .

F-U TO BIG SHOW! BAH GAWD I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

This one is done. A lot of fun tbh . And hey, the heels here looked a hell of a lot better than the heels in the OTHER big tag . FINLAY was awesome.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Booker T Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

who thought it would be a good idea for THIS MATCH to main event the PPV?

hsp = dir * movespeed;
vsp += grav;

//Horizontal Collision
if (place_meeting(x+hsp,y,obj_wall))
{
while(!place_meeting(x+sign(hsp),y,obj_wall))
{
x+= sign(hsp);
}
hsp = 0;

dir *= -1;
}
x += hsp;
//Vertical Collision
if (place_meeting(x,y+vsp,obj_wall))
{
while(!place_meeting(x,y+sign(vsp),obj_wall))
{
y+= sign(vsp);
}
vsp = 0;
if (fearofheights) && !position_meeting(x+(sprite_width/2)*dir,y+(sprite_height/2)+1,obj_wall)
{
dir*= -1;
}
}

y += vsp;

//Enemy Collision
if (place_meeting(x,y,obj_player))
{
if (obj_player.y < y-16) //16 represents half the image size from middle to the top
{
with (obj_player) vsp = -jumpspeed;
instance_destroy();
}
else
{
scr_death();
}
}

Awww, shit. Typed all that in the wrong place. Wait… if I typed THAT in HERE… then what the fuck have I just typed into Gamemaker?

Oh yeah, something like this:

THIS MATCH SUCKS BALLS. GO AWAY. I HATE THIS MATCH. IT’S SHIT. FUCK OFF. PILE OF WANK. URGH.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 8.5