Author: Big Cal

King of the Ring 2002

 

Well I gotta watch the main event for this show at some point. Might as well be now. 

 

Chris Jericho Vs Rob Van Dam – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

They do some basic fancy looking counters and shit to start with, ending with both of them going for a dropkick at the same time. But they make it good afterwards when RVD does his “R! V! D!” thing to show that HE is actually the better man, and Jericho slaps him in the face. Which leads to RVD KICKING JERICHO IN THE FACE with a somewhat EPIC kick tbh. Looked like the toe of RVD’s boot jabbed Jericho in the eye lol.

From that point, RVD is in firm control, using his unique offence to take Jericho to the limit and beyond. He sets up for a 5 star frog splash… and Jericho pushes the ref into the ropes, crotching Van Dam on the turnbuckle!!!

BREAKDOWN~! And RVD kicks out. Guess it’s no longer his finisher lol, because the commentators don’t even MENTION the move, and the fans don’t react .

 at Jericho as he chokes RVD with wrist tape. The ref tells him off and Jericho just screams back “BUT I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!” at him .

Jericho smashes himself into the ring post and RVD begins his comeback and URGH he starts it with those elbows. Those god awful elbows. Oh god there is a HHH Vs RVD match on PPV in 02, isn’t there? SHITTY ELBOWS VS SHITTY PUNCHES await me .

 Jericho avoids a leg sweep and counters with a sweeet Enzeguri to the head .

GERMAN SUPLEX~! RVD fold up and STAYS LIKE THAT until Jericho makes a cover and he kicks out!

Pace picks up now and they both go for high impact/signature moves and they do give us a pretty cool finishing stretch tbh.

LIONSAULT~! MISSES!!!

5 STAR FROG SPLASH~! MISSES!!!

LIONSAULT~! KICK OUT!!!

Jericho tries for something on the ropes, gets crotched and hit with a 5 Star Frog Splash and RVD advances to the finals!

This was pretty good . Finishing stretch was tons of fun, and Jericho’s control segment was good too. Jericho then attacks RVD after the match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Test Vs Brock Lesnar – King of the Ring Semi-Final Match

Yey Lesnar has his good music now.

Cool to see Lesnar against a big powerful opponent. Test can throw out some power stuff but more importantly Lesnar can throw out bigger and better power stuff which makes him look so much more impressive.

 Test kicks out at one point and Lesnar can’t believe it so he just SMASHES his forearm into Test’s face and goes for another pin. Lesnar is awesome.

Heyman nearly has a heart attack any time TEST hits something successfully .

HOLY SHIT, the Big Boot near fall is . Looks great and Heyman probably died for a few seconds thinking it was over then and there. He recovers enough to distract Test, F-5 from Lesnar and this is done.

Fun stuff!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Jamie Noble Vs The Hurricane – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

Man, I forgot how much FUN Noble and Nidia’s characters were lol.

Pretty well built up feud for this (ahhh, CW feuds, another reason to miss the brand split  ), so there is some HATE~! here to play off .

Helms is on a roll to start with, rocking Noble with some big shots and nearly lands a CHOKESLAM too. Then Nidia tries to grab his feet coming off the ropes, but she MISSES  and because it’s the spot, Helms looks back and chases after her anyway, allowing Noble to KILL Helms with a legit KILLER clothesline that made me .

 at Lawler trying to get JR to fantasise about Nidia .

Thing get a little dull with Noble applying a sleeper hold, which sucks . Then Hurricane makes his comeback but it falls a little flat tbh. The crowd just aren’t into the match at all, making the near falls just DIE because nobody cares .

HUGE neckbreaker from the top rope are least gets a reaction. Looked great. But unfortunately that can’t make up for the fact this match has been fairly dull for the most part. Which is a shame. It started off good, then died. Fans only hot hot for the neckbreaker and then the CHOKESLAM that followed, and then the match ends with Noble getting the win.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Ric Flair

Eddie is just  early on in this match. He’s moving about all over the place, using his speed and quickness to out manoeuvre Flair, mocking him the entire time because Flair is old and slow and he’s young and fast.

I do hate that the commentators are REALLY putting Eddie down. They talk about how Flair is a master inside the ring and has probably forgotten more about wrestling than Eddie knows and all that shit… and I’m sat thinking to myself “Eddie has been in the business for what, 14/15 years at this point? And is a second generation star who grew up in and around the business and learnt a TON from his dad and brothers. Why the fuck are you treating him like some rookie?”.

Flair comes back with a LOW BLOW, showing that he’s still the dirtiest player in the game, and Eddie shows that he is FAR from a rookie by going to the outside to recover and prevent Flair from building any kind of momentum. I’m all for putting FLAIR over, but at the expense of Eddie? Feck off.

Guerrero continues to mock Flair, this time by using Flair’s own gameplan on him, targeting the legs and locking in a Figure Four!!!

A missed FROG SPLASH allows Flair to get back into it, and he shows Eddie how the Figure Four is really done! Benoit shows up and stands on the outside as we watch Flair fumble about on the mat trying desperately to do a bunch of quick pins but is too slow and too old to really execute them properly and it’s hilarious yet sad at the same time  .

Eddie distracts the referee, and Benoit drags Flair to the outside and applies the Crossface! Referee doesn’t see him doing it but sends Benoit to the back anyway.

While the referee is busy with Benoit, Bubba Ray shows up! Bubba Bomb! Flair crawls into the ring, goes for a pin and gets the win!

Well this match was disappointing . Started off fun, but then it just becomes generic. Eddie attacks the legs. Flair makes a comeback. Interference. Finish.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Molly Holly Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship Match

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Kurt Angle Vs Hulk Hogan

 at the wig Angle is wearing.

Oh god this one starts off with a test of strength. The memory of HHH/Hogan is flooding my mind. GET IT AWAY!!!

 at Hogan swinging his arm around to build up to a big punch… then when he comes time to punch, he stops spinning and throws the punch the OPPOSITE WAY HE WAS SPINNING. Come on Hogan, a guy your age can’t afford to waste energy like that!

Gotta give it to Hogan here though, he does take a lot of offence from Angle, which includes a bunch of suplexes lol. Taking all those back bumps can’t be good for the guy!!! 

SLEEPER HOLD. Likely quite literally used as a rest hold here so Hogan can keep on going for the remainder of the match .

ANGLE SLAM~! HOGAN KICKS OUT~!

HULK UP~!

Hogan takes the wig off, but eh, seeing Angle bald for the last 11 years takes away any kind of impact it has lol . Angle is so disgusted that he decides to leave, but comes back when he sees Hogan wearing the wig .

CHAIR TO ANGLE’S FACE… DONE BY HIMSELF~! BIG BOOT~! LEGDROP… COUNTERED INTO AN ANKLE LOCK~!

Hogan taps out.

Match is fine. Nothing special, but I wouldn’t call it bad or anything. Hogan being limited probably works in the match’s favour tbh because it prevents Angle from going all out with MOVES~! .

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

BOOKER T AND GOLDUST. Goldust is pretending to be The Rock . The real Rock shows up and ruins everything. GoldRock > Real Rock. Goldust rubbing his nipples while Rock is talking is . Booker trying not to laugh is . Goldust rules.

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Rob Van Dam – King of the Ring Finals Match

RVD fights Lesnar HEAD ON from the get go, and Lesnar eats some fucking epic kicks to the face.

POWERBOMB. Welp, RVD is doomed lol.

Lesnar’s power here is just . Completely MAULS RVD. Can’t wait to see their lengthier Vengeance match soon.

BEAR HUG~! Lesnar makes it look INCREDIBLE. Heyman on the outside screaming “SQUEEZE!!!” adds a whole lot to it too. Lesnar is one of the few people who can BEAR HUG someone and not make me wanna shoot myself. A rare quality in a wrestler lol.

Damn, Lesnar catches a kick from RVD and just THROWS him up into the air and onto his shoulders. Incredible RAW POWER.

RVD starts to rock Lesnar, and to keep Lesnar motivated we hear Heyman constantly screaming “TITLE SHOT!!!” to remind Lesnar of the importance of this one. 5 STAR FROG SPLASH~! Heyman drops RVD neck first across the ropes, and RVD falls back into the cover! Lesnar kicks out, catches RVD from the ropes and levels him with an F-5.

ALL HAIL KING LESNAR!!!

Tremendously fun match. Short but good. Lesnar looks incredible, RVD gets some decent offence in and almost beats THE BEAST, which helps set up their rematch perfectly. 

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

HHH backstage runs into THE NWO. They all HUG and shit. NWO tell Triple H to do the CLIQUE hand signal if he needs any help. I need help with this next match, can I get the NWO to review it for me instead? PLEASE? 

 

The Undertaker Vs Triple H – WWE Undisputed Championship Match

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. DO NOT WANT.

But it’s a main event, it’s a WWE title match, and it has THE UNDERTAKER in it. So I gotta watch it . BRB need beer.

 at HHH getting his win back over Hogan to become #1 contender for this match. CAN’T HAVE SOMEONE BEAT HIM WITHOUT HIM BEATING THEM BACK!!!

Heyman being on commentary to scout Lesnar’s potential SS opponent might hopefully help me get through this one. HOPEFULLY. I’m scared .

OH GOD 27 MINUTES LEFT ON THE EVENT. I don’t think I have enough alcohol to get me through this.

Arrghhh, awful HHH punches right from the get go. Undertaker hates them too so he just fucking HEADBUTTS HHH. And not in the “put my hand on HHH’s head and headbutt my hand in a way that looks like I headbutted his head” but a “fuck this shit. HEADBUTT UNPROTECTED”. Maybe he was hoping it would knock either or both of them loopy so they could get through the match not really knowing what the fuck was going on. I know I could do with something like that.

Ahhh, Undertaker is in control for the moment. GOAT PUNCHES. But so far this appears to be like their Insurrextion match, with HHH refusing to give Undertaker anything for too long. GOTTA GET DEM SHITTY PUNCHES IN.

FFS HHH, LET UNDERTAKER HAVE A FECKING CONTROL SEGMENT. Do you not understand basic wrestling 101? HEEL BUILDS HEAT, BABYFACE MAKES COMEBACK. It’s the most basic of things, yet it fucking WORKS. Why should anyone care about you getting offence in if you do it every 30 bloody seconds for a 25 minute match? I gotta say though, I do  at certain parts of this because UNDERTAKER seems to be shooting on HHH a few times, using some “old school” kinda moves that hurt like hell for real, such as rubbing his forearm into the face etc. I swear he’s pissed off with this match as much as we are, so he’s getting his shots in when he can .

Crowd has been AWFUL for this PPV btw. I don’t blame them for this match, but fuck, they’ve just not given a shit about anything or anyone for the most part. A hot crowd MIGHT have made this a little easier. MAYBE. We’ll never know though lol.

Still 15 minutes left . This seems to be lasting FOREVER. BRB need more beer.

 WORST REF BUMP EVER. ‘Taker sets HHH up for a catapult thingy into the corner. The referee is stood to the side, seeing what’s coming. THEN HE RANDOMLY MOVES INTO THE CORNER TO GET SQUASHED BY HHH .

The Rock shows up and Heyman runs away. Now we have to listen to HIM while watching this crap? Urgh.

 Undertaker kicks Rock in the face. BECAUSE HE CAN. Best part of the match so far.  then Rock tries to get revenge and ends up decking HHH in the head with a chair then gets mauled by Undertaker.

LAST RIDE~!

Another referee shows up, only gets a 2 count, so Undertaker punches him in the face.

ROCK BOTTOM~! Fuck you, Rock. Stop getting in ‘Taker’s business. You had no reason to show up half way into the match on commentary. And you certainly had no business hitting a Rock Bottom. This is like No Way Out all over again. Match happened there because Rock put his nose in Undertaker’s business when he shouldn’t have. Motherfucker.

PEDIGREE~!

ROLL UP~! Undertaker wins!!!

My god. This is awful. Awful. AWFUL. And it just seems to last FOREVER too. 25 minutes? More like a fucking day. At least Undertaker wins in this one. Still, it might actually be worse than their Insurrextion match.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 8

Judgment Day 2002

 

 Undertaker in the main event for the title .

 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Rob Van Dam – WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

Backlash was . Insurrextion was . I remember this being really good though . PLEASE HOLD UP. Sick of matches I used to like being shit on a rewatch lol.

RVD rocks Eddie early on and LATINO HEAT gets HOT. Things get worse for him when RVD makes him look like a fool, faking a dive off the ropes, causing Eddie to STOP AND DROP so RVD can land a split legged moonsault!!!

Nice to see RVD going after the back of Eddie, just as Eddie did in their Backlash match. He even busts out some of the same moves too!!! 

Eddie’s control segment starts off with a PUNCH TO THE FACE which makes me smile . Similar to Insurrextion, Eddie focused on the head and neck of Van Dam as it was the NECKBREAKER on the IC title that brought Eddie the win.

 Eddie keeps selling the back while on offense, and RVD even goes after it again during a comeback. Those shoulders he does to someone in the corner? He does that to Eddie while he’s stomach first in the turnbuckle, so he’s driving his shoulder into the BACK of Eddie. Both guys seem to be on top form, even if I’d likely guess that Eddie was putting the majority of this match together .

POWERBOMB . Just like how Eddie returned on Raw in 02, and goes to follow up with THE SUPERIOR Frog Splash, but he wastes too much time and RVD escapes! Now it’s time for HIS version of the Frog Splash and holy fuck Eddie BARELY gets out of the way!!!

Oh man, then the big STARE DOWN and shit when both guys make it to their feet, knowing that they BOTH missed their Frog Splashes . They ain’t happy so they just CHARGE at each other.

Backlside by RVD and holy fuck Eddie BARELY kicked out! RVD goes for a spinning kick and Eddie counters that into a backslide of his own, gets the feet up on the ropes and EDDIE WINS! EDDIE WINS! 

Loved this a ton. Always thought their Backlash match was superior, and well it still kinda is, but damn this is VERY close. Loved it more on this watch .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Trish Stratus Vs Stacy Keibler – WWF Women’s Championship Match

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

 Vince goes to see Flair to congratulate him on turning heel on Austin. Arn in the background is AMAZING. Giggling like a girl and his head going all over the place looking at Vince, looking at Flair, looking at their hands as they tease a handshake. ARN.

 

The Hardy Boys Vs Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman

Well Lesnar’s partner here is a HUGE step up from Planet Stasiak lol.

Lesnar doesn’t even make it to the ring before JEFF flies over the ropes… only to get CAUGHT!!! Baseball slide from Matt and Lesnar goes down. Hardy’s chase Heyman, allowing LESNAR to come in from behind and his DOMINATION begins .

GOLDBERG chants for Lesnar . Unlike Ryback those chants didn’t last long because he QUICKLY became something different the more and more his WRESTLING skills showed.

I like how Brock uses his sheer power to absolutely dominate, but he’s still very much a rookie in the company and every now and then makes a small mistake that guys like the Hardy Boys can capitalise on momentarily just to SURVIVE.

HARDYS GET HEYMAN~!

F-5! And Heyman starts screaming TAG ME, so Lesnar does. Then Heyman falls over the ropes trying to get in . Heyman rules. And he pins JEFF HARDY. He truly is THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun .

Rating: **1/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Booker T is in the NWO now. His wife (we don’t know it’s his wife obviously) shows up and gives him her hotel key or something.

 

Steve Austin Vs The Big Show & Ric Flair

OH MY GOD THE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF THIS ARE UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF FUN. The stuff with Show is like their Insurrextion match on 30x fast forward, plus you have Flair in their eating a ton of shots to the face.  at Austin locking the Figure Four in on Show, then as Flair comes in to break it up, Austin sits up and punches him in the face . Then Austin puts FLAIR in the Figure Four, and Show goes for an elbow drop so Austin rolls onto his side to avoid it!!! And then we have some STEEL CHAIR SHENANIGANS~! FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN.

 at Austin walking over to Show on the apron, punching him in the face and then screaming WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? at him . Everyone in this just looks like they are having the time of their fucking lives. The crowd are HOT for everything too. 

 Flair is fucking awesome too. He literally drags Charles Robinson over to him, shows off his GUNS and while the ref is busy looking at some MUSCLE, Flair’s other arm is smashing up against Austin’s balls. Then Flair hits on some girls in the front row .

AUSTIN IS SCREAMING IN PAIN AT THE HANDS OF 2 MEN~!

Things slow down as they work over the leg of Austin, but Flair constantly talking shit makes everything tons more interesting .

STUNNER ON BIG SHOW~! Show didn’t even fall over! SUPERKICK BY X-PAC~! Austin dodges and Show is down! STUNNER TO FLAIR~! And Austin wins.

Well damn. DAMN. I HATED this last time I saw it. Now I fucking LOVE it. Pure fun.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge Vs Kurt Angle – Hair Vs Hair Match

WELL FUCK ME SIDEWAYS AND CALL ME MARY. That overhead belly to belly suplex OVER THE ROPES was epic. EPIC. Edge takes a fucking KILLER bump off it. Now THAT is how you transition into a control segment. Good god!

 at Lawler saying Edge has a head the shape of a Dinosaur. HE DOES HAVE AN ODD SHAPED HEAD!!!

Stuff happens for a while, honestly feels like filler until Edge begins his comeback, which is pretty sweet in all honesty. Baseball slide to Angle’s legs to knock him off the apron is amazing with Angle smashing his fucking FACE on the apron on the way down is fucking .

MONSTROUS German Suplex. No wonder Edge needed neck surgery after his 2002 if he keeps up taking insane bumps like that lol.

BRIAN HEBNER takes a killer bump off a SPEAR. With the referee down, Kurt bring out a chair and ends up getting a Spear instead!

Bunch of finishers now for some NEAR FALLS~! In the end Edge catches Angle with a roll up after escaping the Ankle Lock. ANGLE IS GOING BALD.

Match is fine, kinda reminds me of their Backlash match, just with some better SPOTZ~! lol. Lots of fun to be had but nothing overly special.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Booker T in bed with his wife. LIGHTS GO OUT. Weird noises. GOLDUST~! This was all a plan to get Booker T to leave the NWO .

 

Triple H Vs Chris Jericho – Hell in a Cell Match

Apparently BERRYING~! Jericho at WM wasn’t enough; HHH needed to do it inside the cell too!!! 

Might I just say right now, FUCK YOU. I’m not sure who you are but you know who you are and that’s what matters. I’m about 30 seconds in and all I can hear is HHH making retarded noises every time he punches or gets punched. AARRGHH!!! 

Might I also just say right now, that HHH is still a terrible fucking brawler. Those punches make me cringe. Combine the awful execution with THOSE NOISES he makes and I wanna stab him.

They fight on the outside. Throw each other around into the cell. And then for some reason Jericho brings out a ladder. Uuuuhhhh… why? To use as a weapon? Ok… but why a ladder? It’s big and bulky and wastes time and energy to use it. Why not a steel chair? Simple and probably MORE effective. Using a ladder in a LADDER MATCH is fine because after you deck your opponent with it, you can try and CLIMB it. Inside the cell though? It’s fucking DUMB. Edge made good use of it in 2008, but he had like, legitimate reasons for it. THIS AIN’T A TRIPLE CAGE JERICHO. NO NEED TO CLIMB ON TOP OF THE CELL THROUGH A HOLE IN THE TOP.

Fuck me, the ladder ends up on the outside and Jericho actually goes out to bring it back in. Only to get hit with a STEEL CHAIR that HHH wisely brought in, because fuck fucking about with a ladder when you can swing a chair a bazillion times easier.

Oh just fuck off Jericho. What does he go ahead and do next? GETS THE FUCKING RING STEPS INSIDE THE RING. He is struggling to pick them up. LAWLER on commentary even wonders what the fuck he’s doing. HHH JUST BROUGHT A CHAIR INTO THE MATCH. HE USED IT ON YOU EFFECTIVELY. USE IT ON HIM YOU DUMB FUCKING CUNT.

 at Tim White telling them to “KEEP IT IN THE DAMN RING!”. It’s a HIAC match Timmy. They are gonna do whatever they want. Dumb or otherwise, it seems. Besides, you better shut your mouth Tim. Careers can end in HIAC ya kn… aaand there goes Tim White. GOAT HIAC bump. Flies off the apron, SMASHES into the side of the cage and he is DONE. Literally. Off to attempt suicide every week on TV!!!

SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE~! Lol, HHH is a moron. Using a sledgehammer. Should have set up the ladder, struggled to the top carrying the ring steps and dropped them onto Jericho or something!!! This match isn’t about BERRYING Jericho, its about making him look like the dumbest motherfucker on the planet apparently! 

Now we are outside the cell (they had to go get Tim), and Jericho gets DDT’d through a table, then runs away from HHH who has a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. Sorry, he doesn’t run away, because that might be SMART, and this match is all about making Jericho look DUMB. He climbs to the top of the cell, where obviously HHH can’t get at him…

WALLS OF JERICHO ON TOP OF THE CELL.  and the new referee climbs on top of the cell to check on HHH. Because you can WIN on top of the cell now apparently. A rule that has NEVER BEEN MENTIONED BEFORE, in fact I seem to recall them SPECIFICALLY mentioning in a previous HIAC match to this that you CANNOT WIN ON TOP OF THE CELL. More bullshit thrown at us in this match.

PEDIGREE attempt, and HHH gets back body dropped, but the cell doesn’t break . This match might have been saved by an insane HHH Cell Bump. Nah, fuck that shit. PEDIGREE TO JERICHO ON TOP OF THE CELL and this is done. Thankfully.

Urgh. Pile of uber shite. Retarded use of retarded weapons by a seemingly retarded wrestler. Retarded rules made up seemingly on the spot for a retarded match. RETARDED AS FUCK. Didn’t like this at all. Can’t think of anything good to say about it.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

 at Angle running and hiding from Edge to avoid getting his hair cut.

 

Billy & Chuck Vs Rikishi & Rico – WWF Tag Team Championship Match

Sorry, NO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Hulk Hogan Vs The Undertaker – WWE Undisputed Championship Match

 Undertaker I believe debuts his new theme song here. Basically “You’re Gonna Pay” instrumental version. It’s awesome .

Undertaker is wearing a belt of his own coming into this match; a bright yellow Hogan weight lifting belt! And he starts whipping the Hulkster the moment he steps into the ring!!! Hogan takes a bunch of shots, makes a comeback and starts giving it right back to ‘Taker!

The referee takes the belt away from Hogan and officially rings the bell.

“HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT OMG!!!”  I don’t know who that is but that fan is amazing . That was his reaction to Undertaker taking his big bump over the ring steps btw.

HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT OMG? That was MY reaction to Hogan hitting a SUPERPLEX. In 2002. A HOGAN SUPERPLEX. Damn lol!!!

‘Taker goes for the legs of Hogan and things slow down and not in a good way, but thankfully it doesn’t last too long before Hogan makes a comeback. LEGDROP~! COUNTERED INTO A HALF BOSTON CRAB~!

 at Hogan struggling to even take a chokeslam. Oh he can do a superplex, but take a chokeslam from Undertaker? LOLNO.

HULK UP~! Undertaker looks at Hogan like “fucks sake, didn’t this all die like 11 years ago?” 

LEG DROP~! UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT OF THE LEG DROP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vince McMahon shows up, just as Undertaker grabs a chair, but Hogan kicks it back in his face just like Undertaker did to Austin a month ago! Leg Drop! McMahon gets involved and gets a Leg Drop!

CHAIR TO HOGAN~! CHOKESLAM~! NEW WWE CHAMPION!!! UNDERTAKER WINS!!!! 

I still remember marking out like FUCK when I watched this live . Seeing Undertaker win his first major title since 1999 was . Undertaker posing while he gets the referee to put the title belt on him is .

Match is decent, nothing more. I get more enjoyment out of it than most no doubt .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 7.5

WrestleMania XXX

 

So the show opens with Hulk Hogan, and I guess it’s kinda cool to see him on the show given the fact he was there for the 1st ever one and whatnot. Then Austin comes out, followed by Rock, and they all slurp each other and waste 20 minutes of our time . Didn’t really do anything for me, but for someone who is a fan of these guys they probably liked it.

 

Daniel Bryan Vs Triple H – Winner Gets Added to the WWE WHC Triple Threat Main Event Match

Holy fuck, the video package for this match is immense. Song, while not something I’d listen to usually, is absolutely PERFECT for the whole thing. Build up for this match has been both unique and great overall. Unique in the sense that this WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, but a series of events FORCED WWE to push Bryan. The fans were a huge part of it, turning him into THE most popular star in the company for the last year or so at least. And then Punk left too. He was originally set to face HHH at WM (which honestly seemed weird as shit to me lol), so him leaving left the spot open for Bryan to take advantage of what imo SHOULD have been his spot to begin with anyway.

Holy fuck, STEPHANIE MCMAHON looks tremendous. THAT OUTFIT too. FAPTACULAR.

HHH gets another big “epic” WM entrance playing up on the whole King of Kings gimmick. It’s both cool and hilarious to me. Found it a little odd he didn’t go with the King of Kings entrance theme though.

DANIEL BRYAN . YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! The crowd are on fucking fire for the guy.

Damn, we had to wait 35 minutes before the first match finally starts at WrestleMania lol.

Love HHH wanting to start this off with a handshake. Works 2 ways for me; the first is that the last time this happened, HHH handcuffed Bryan and beat the fuck out of him. The other, seems more of a throwback to Bryan being “an Indy star” with ROH and how they had the code of honour. But this ain’t ROH. There is NO honour in this ring. So Bryan kicks the hand away and rolls up The Game to try and get a quick win!

Unfortunately for Bryan, all the attacks over the last few weeks have left him hurt, specifically the left arm and shoulder. As great as Bryan is in the ring, even a guy like HHH can counter the superior wrestling skills with just ONE shot to the injured arm.

HHH is the SESEBRAL SUSSASSIN~! Nice to see JBL bringing his A game to WM. I guess he’s just a B+ commentator .

Bryan showing the world and HHH that he’ll do ANYTHING to gain the advantage in this one and win. DIVE OVER THE TURNBUCKLE TO THE FLOOR~!

LOTS OF SHOTS OF STEPHANIE IN THAT FUCKING OUTFIT . Love Stephanie being there, not just because FAP, but because she’s awesome at screaming at Bryan all the way through, telling him he’s nothing and he’ll never win and shit.

The match has been pretty even so far until THE GAME attempts a Pedigree on the table, only to be countered by Bryan, which is in turn countered by HHH who SMASHES that bad arm onto the table! FUCKING OUCH! Stephanie loved it!

Mmmmm… STEPHANIE in THAT OUTFIT shouting YES. WM XXX, ladies and gentlemen! 

AWESOME counter to Bryan’s suicide dive, followed up by that AWESOME slam on the apron targeting Bryan’s bad arm, with some great trash talking from STEPHANIE!

I miss Drew McIntyre being pushed as something other than a pretend band member . He would do awesome shit like that on a weekly basis.

Awesome unique version of a crossface chicken wing (Hi BOB  ). Followed by a CROSSFACE. Nice to see HHH changing things up and not sticking to basic arm locks and shit.

 HHH with Bryan in the Crossface, telling Bryan to “ask them to help ya!”, meaning the YES MOVEMENT fans. If HHH was like this for his entire career I’d think better of him. I actually think it’s worse when he only brings out this kind of awesome in a super rare occasion. It’s like Orton currently. WE KNOW he can be good… he just doesn’t seem to be motivated enough to BE GOOD all the time. Why? Fuck knows.

Fans are awesome in this, really getting behind Bryan and not trying to be all “smarky” and cheering for HHH because he’s putting in his best performance in like, forever.

GERMAN SUPLEX~! ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX~! I like how we get the shades of Benoit with that, but done differently enough so we don’t quite get the “BENOIT FEEL” from them. We get to see the awesome moveset of Benoit in this match with both men doing various moves, but never in a way that makes you think “OMG BENOIT”, which is something WWE would be against .

HOLY FUCK HHH JUST DID A TIGER SUPLEX. HHH. TIGER SUPLEX. WHAT?

Bryan is working on fighting back, starting with a big sunset flip powerbomb, then those running dropkicks in the corner, and then…

DEAD. Murdered at the hands of HHH and that fucking LARIAT. Awesome.

Somehow Bryan gets back into this thing again, attempts a headbutt, but HHH gets his knee up right into the injured shoulder! CROSSFACE! This could be it for the YES MOVEMENT!

Bryan fights and fights to get out of the hold any way he can, rolling HHH over but it only makes things worse. The fans get behind him though, and he finds a way to not only escape, but counter the hold into the YES LOCK .

Bryan has the fans to help him fight out of submissions, but HHH has STEPHANIE. I know if I had her on my side I’d do whatever I could to reach the ropes too! 

DOUBLE SUICIDE DIVE! Bryan has got his second wind! YES! YES! YES! YES! HERE COMES THE RUNNING KNEE…

SPINEBUSTER~! PEDIGREE~! IT’S OVER… NO! BRYAN KICKED OUT!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!

HHH going for another Pedigree, Bryan counters into a pin but HHH STILL has the arms locked! Bryan plays dead so HHH can’t lift him into position, causing the game to SMASH HIS KNEE INTO BRYAN’S HEAD.

Speaking of head shots, kick to HHH’s head! RUNNING KNEE! RUNNING KNEE! RUNNING KNEE!!! THE GAME IS DOWN, THE GAME IS OVER!!!

DANIEL BRYAN WINS! DANIEL BRYAN IS GOING TO THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA!!! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

After the match, Stephanie slaps the shit out of Bryan before HHH attacks him from behind and mauls the bad arm! He wants to make sure Bryan can’t make the main event!

Awesome, awesome match. HHH looked better here than he has in YEARS. FUCKING YEARS. I’d still have both Undertaker WM matches ahead of this one, but for personal performances, this is the best from HHH in a long long long long long long long time. We’re talking about 6 years or so. His arm work was spot on, and he made Bryan looks incredible too. Really went above and beyond to bump like a champ for Bryan’s offence. Even took the running knee well for a change .

Bryan on the other hand was out of this world. The selling of the arm work, the comebacks, the bumping for HHH’s shit, getting the fans into the match. Best. In. The. World.

Stephanie looking FAPTACULAR certainly adds to the whole thing too .

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

 

Kane & The New Age Outlaws Vs The Shield

Why oh why did The Shield go from facing guys like Cena, Orton, Sheamus, Mysterio, Big Show, UNDERTAKER and others all last year to… Kane and the Old Age Outlaws?

JAWBREAKER LARIAT~! I <3 Ambrose for all time for adding that to his arsenal.

Amazing how DEAD the fans are after the first match. They honestly never pick up again until the main event, only popping for a few big moments.

ROMAN REIGNS absolutely dominates the fuck out of everyone. Rollins flies around, and Ambrose just throws himself into people and beats the fuck out of them .

SPEAR TO KANE~!

DOUBLE SPEAR TO THE OUTLAWS~!

DOUBLE TRIPLE POWERBOMB~!

Match is DONE. Short, and a complete fucking SQUASH with The Shield taking out the old guard. For a match that looked awful on paper, it was booked to PERFECTION. We had the new guys dominating the old guys in quick fashion, showing the world that they are STILL the top dogs. I enjoyed it.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Bunch of legends playing with toys backstage. Uhhhh… ok. DANGEROUS DANNY DAVIS . The original screwy referee .

 

30 Man Over The Top Rope Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Was disappointed we didn’t get any surprises in this match. No random legend, no random one night return or anything like that. Oh well. Match is filled with a ton of jobbers + like, 10 people who would stand a chance of winning. AND BRAD MADDOX~!

Match is a big clusterfuck until they get rid of all the jobbers and the ones left can work some fun exchanges and eliminations. Justin Gabriel takes on hell of a bump for his elimination though .

 at Miz getting eliminated by Santino and the cobra. You know you suck when Santino beats you in any way.

Fandango is over again for just the one week, so good for him I guess lol. He eliminates BIG E, which is pretty impressive given how they’ve been pushing him. Then Sheamus eliminates him in an awesome way .

What happened to Rey? He’s turned into a fucking pussy. Getting on his knees begging Big Show not to hurt him. Didn’t he do that last week and attacked him from behind? Yet Big Show lets him go AGAIN here? Big Dumb Bastard…

 at how Cesaro eliminates Mysterio . Guy rules.

Kingston does a RR type spot here, being launched over the ropes by Cesaro but keeping his feet on the steel steps, allowing him to enter the ring again! Kinda awesome tbh, and a spot I’ve always wondered why they hadn’t done before.

GIANT SWING~!

Loved the superkick to Ziggler while he was hanging upside down .

Cesaro and Show the final 2 men . Was begging for Cesaro to win this thing, but honestly thought they’d give the win to Show. Then…

 CESARO WINS!!! 

Fun match once the bulk of the jobbers were gone.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

John Cena Vs Bray Wyatt

Yet another AWESOME video package from WWE. How do they not win fucking awards for this? Oh yeah, it’s wrestling, god forbid anyone praises them outside of the business. Again the song, while not something I’d normally ever listen to, is so damn PERFECT for the video and the basis of the match.

Anyone else find it weird that they quite often have bands play entrance themes live for HEELS at WM? Not complaining too much because it has usually meant things like MOTORHEAD showing up or LIVING COLOR last year, and that’s always good. Plus here it was awesome too. I find myself randomly humming Bray’s theme around the house, so listening to the damn thing live make it stick in my head even more .

Match starts off wonderfully, with Bray trying to sacrifice himself to Cena, to show the world that Cena ISN’T who or what he says he is. But Cena isn’t going to compromise himself. He doesn’t wait to take the cheap way out, he wants to EARN a victory.

The story for this match feels very similar to the Kane/Cena feud from a couple of years back lol, where Kane wanted to bring out the evil in Cena. Here though, it feels… well it IS better done. Just because of Bray’s character and all the promos leading up to this match. He doesn’t just want to make Cena into a monster, he wants to do it in order to show the world that HE IS RIGHT. That Cena ISN’T the guy he claims to be. And when that happens, regardless of the outcome of this match, BRAY WINS.

Cena gets frustrated with Bray and all the mind games and trash talk, and he finally snaps a little, taking the fight to Bray who is just LAUGHING while taking this beating. Cena is fighting a battle against himself here, as he struggles to stay who he is while also trying to destroy Bray. While I get what they are going for, and I AM liking what they are doing, I think it is definitely one of those times when the fan reactions towards Cena go against the story of the match. The fans WANT Cena to snap and be violent. They LIKE Bray. They BELIEVE in what Bray is saying about Cena. Crazy how the fans both play into the match on Bray’s behalf but at the time time kinda ruin what they are trying to do with Cena .

Things slow down a bit with Bray using a headlock, which I really didn’t understand lol. Seems out of place for Bray to use that hold, and it’s not like it fit into the story of the match anywhere.

Then THIS happens and makes up for it:

“HE’S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD, IN HIS HANDS” Oh man, the fans singing that mid-match was AWESOME. Ties into the whole “Bray is a cult leader” deal with the fans getting behind him, and being up against Cena helps too because a lot of the fans DO believe that Cena isn’t exactly what he claims to be lol.

TOP ROPE LEG DROP COUNTERED INTO A POWERBOMB~! 

Ouch, that… weird move that Bray did looked like it HURT for real. Was an awkward spinning slam where Cena went ribs first into Bray’s knee, but almost like it wasn’t meant to happen like that lol.

APRON DDT~!

Bray is really taking the fight to Cena, capitalising on the fact that Cena seems to be freaked out by the whole situation and being more cautious.

DIVE ONTO HARPER AND ROWAN~! Almost like Cena was getting PARANOID and decided to take out Wyatt’s goons before they could really get involved. Further proof that Bray is in CENA’S HEAD and making him question everything.

Cena continues to battle with himself, as he picks up the steel steps and has a chance to DESTROY the false prophet. Unfortunately, as he battles with himself, he takes his eye of Bray and gets CREAMED.

 Bray singing “he’s got the whole world, in his hands” while holding Cena’s head in his lap might be my favourite part of this match. A wonderful example of Bray adding oodles of character work into his matches.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT~! KICK OUT!!!

Interference from Harper and Rowan, almost costing Cena the match. And honestly, they were justified in doing it! HE ATTACKED THEM FIRST!!!

SPEAR TO HARPER THROUGH THE BARRICADE~! Cena letting out his frustrations on Harper knowing he won’t lose the match for it, nor technically prove that Wyatt is right as he isn’t letting the monster out on HIM.

SISTER ABIGAIL~! Dammit, Cena kicked out.

 as Bray goes nuts on the outside and looks to use the Spanish announce table… the Spanish announce team scream at him and point to the new French announce table as if to say “break their table, not ours!!!” .

Cena won’t give up in the match. He just kicked out of Sister Abigail, so now Bray has to step up his game. He brings in a steel chair… and THROWS IT TO CENA. He’s trying to once again sacrifice himself in order to bring out the monster in Cena.

 at the ref telling Cena not to do it because it’s not him. Cena seems to agree, and uses the chair on Rowan instead! AA to Wyatt, and Cena leaves with his legacy intact.

Awesome match. Great storytelling throughout, well executed, and some great action as well.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

The Undertaker Vs Brock Lesnar

Oh boy. I guess I gotta watch this again. I was in a daze for the rest of the day after watching this on Monday lol. Maybe I can watch it through different eyes this time around. After all, the shock of what happened is over. Kinda.

Build up for this was mostly just terrible… but they DID produce some great videos with Heyman basically TELLING US the Streak would end. But we didn’t listen. We didn’t believe. And why should we? The build was just Undertaker beating up Lesnar a couple of times, with Lesnar hitting an F-5 on the go home Raw show. That was it. They put very little effort into the whole thing. This was BUILD UP as a giant throwaway Streak match, just something to add another number to his ever growing list of WM wins, before moving on to say, Cena the next year.

Despite the poor build, my love for both guys + their history of great matches had me excited to see what they’d do.

Undertaker going somewhat OLD SCHOOL for his entrance, wearing the hat and coat rather than the hooded cloak attire he’d mostly used over the last few years. The caskets for all his victims was a great set too. Undertaker setting Lesnar’s on fire, basically destroying it, was also kind of a hint that the casket WOULDN’T BE NEEDED (nor could it be used because, you know, BLOWN UP). That’s if you wanna look at every little detail and try and get something out of it . WHICH I DO .

Bell rings and BAM, BAM BAM, huge rights and lefts from Undertaker to the BEAST Brock Lesnar. BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD by Lesnar! That just seemed to make the DEAD MAN mad.

Undertaker goes after the arm of Lesnar early on, something he’s known for, as it allows him to wear down his opponent and let him have the advantage early on.

Man, some fucking AWESOME shots to the face by Undertaker.

SNAKE EYES~! But instead of going for the running boot, Undertaker tries for a Chokeslam! Almost like he knows he should try and end this one early. But Lesnar counters into an F-5 attempt! Neither man can get that big move in so early, so they have to go back to wearing each other down. And then it happens. If I’m not mistaken, I believe THIS was where Undertaker got the concussion .

After that move, Undertaker just wasn’t in the match like he was before, so I’d definitely go ahead and say that was the move that caused it. Such a shame. Really would have liked to see where the match would have gone had it not happened.

And yet, as unfortunate as it was, you could say it ADDED to the match. From this point on Undertaker is fighting just to try and stay in this match, showing that maybe he IS getting too old to hold on to the STREAK, especially against an opponent like BROCK LESNAR.

Despite the concussion, Undertaker, with help from Lesnar, has enough about him to still get shit done. Lesnar beats him up and beats him down, but Undertaker keeps showing signs of life, keeps coming back, and does little things like get his hands up to block shots. All things you’d expect from the Dead Man, only this time they weren’t as effective. He was showing signs that this could be the end of the Streak. That this could be too much for even Undertaker to handle. He’s TRYING to fight with all he’s got, but it just isn’t enough.

CHOKESLAM~! Undertaker manages to hit it, but he takes a little time to make a cover, and Lesnar ain’t staying down.

F-5!!! Undertaker JUST kicks out. He’s STILL The Undertaker, and still capable of hanging on to his Streak, but how much MORE of this can he take?

Undertaker is SO out of it, you can see Lesnar walking around while Undertaker is still down from the F-5, and has to TELL Undertaker to lock in Hells Gate. Undertaker can’t even lock it in properly .

But AGAIN, the actual action, not Lesnar having to call spots for Undertaker, works into the story of this whole match and feud. Undertaker is showing signs of being DONE, while still trying to hang on to the one thing he has left; his STREAK. But no matter what he does, be it Chokeslam or Hells Gate, Lesnar is UNSTOPPABLE. It’s like the roles are reversing before our very eyes. Now it’s UNDERTAKER being unable to put away the opponent. It’s a changing of the guard.

KIMURA LOCK~! UNDERTAKER COUNTERS INTO ONE OF HIS OWN~!

 at the referee telling MARK to let go of the hold when Lesnar makes it to the ropes .

OLD SCHOOL COUNTERED INTO THE F-5   . Totally called the spot when I saw this match the first time, but it doesn’t make it any less awesome lol.

KICK OUT!!! UNDERTAKER IS STILL BREATHING! HE’S STILL FIGHTING!!!

Oh man, Heyman is incredible on the outside. “THIS IS YOUR DESTINY. HE’S TAKING THIS AWAY FROM YOU. YOU’RE BROCK LESNAR. YOU’RE A CONQUERER!”

LAST RIDE OUT OF THE CORNER~!

TOMBSTONE~! THE STREAK CONTINUES! NO!!! LESNAR KICKS OUT! LESNAR KICKS OUT!

UNDERTAKER SITS UP . He’s slowly getting back into this… but Lesnar counters another Tombstone attempt into a THIRD F-5!! Just like their Hell in a Cell match from 2002!

1…

2…

3?

LESNAR WINS! THE STREAK IS OVER! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THE STREAK IS OVER! 21-1!!! BROCK LESNAR HAS CONQUORED THE STREAK!!!

Wow. I mean just WOW. I’ve seen this already so I knew it was coming but… I think I’m back in shock lol. The Streak is OVER. Undertaker has been defeated at WrestleMania. WrestleMania 28 was billed as the “End of an Era”, and I’ve said my piece on that and how I DID feel like it was an end of an era, but THIS is on a whole other level. This might be the biggest shock and biggest moment in general I have EVER seen in wrestling. It’s crazy to think how a loss in a fake sport can affect me so much, but it does. Undertaker is THE single reason I fell in love with this business and why I have continued to watch all these years even when things got bad. His STREAK was something I’ve always loved, something I got behind every year despite who his opponent was. Even with the crappy build to this match, I was EXCITED for this match. Hell, it was the ONLY match on the show I was truly excited for. And for it to end, knowing I’ll never likely look at a WM match the same, even IF Undertaker was to wrestle a few more times, is just such a HUGE moment for me. I don’t know if this is his last match, a large part of me hopes it isn’t, but if it is… THANK YOU ‘TAKER. My all time favourite. One of the best EVER. A true legend who will go down in history as one of the biggest stars this business will ever see.

As far as the actual match goes, I enjoyed this a whole lot more the second time around. Yeah, probably WOULD have been even better without the concussion, but I don’t think the concussion TOOK ANYTHING AWAY from it. The story of the match/the feud going into it was that Undertaker was old and Lesnar was the one man to really take advantage of that, even at WrestleMania. Lesnar DESTROYED Undertaker, and despite trying to hang on, Undertaker just couldn’t get it done any more, and the Streak ended. A great story and a great match, one I appreciated a ton more this time around.

Maybe I’m overrating this because of my love for the Dead Man, but you know what? FUCK YOU. I don’t care.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Vickie Guerrero Diva Championship Invitational Match

Hmmm… was gonna NO this one, but since it’s only 6 minutes long I wanna watch just to see AJ retain the belt which no doubt caused people to go crazy .

AJ and Tamina go back to back while surrounded by the rest of the divas, and get mauled. Swear to Jebus I couldn’t name all the women in this match. Not like most of the matter anyway lol… especially with what happens on Raw the next night .

Lol, looked like we were gonna get a really badly put together TRIPLE Sharpshooter spot but someone rolled up Nattie from behind first. Thankfully.

 at Summer. “YOU!!!” as she points and screams at AJ, only to be taken out. At least, I think it was Summer.

 at half the women just literally SAT WATCHING THE MATCH because they can’t think of anything to do while someone else is being highlighted.

MOVES~! Everyone takes a turn at hitting someone with… a move. Don’t even think most of them were finishers or anything. Then again this IS a diva match so anything could be a finisher for them.

OMG THE BELLAS ARE ALONE IN THE RING WILL THEY FIGHT EACH OTHER? DO I CARE? THE ANSWER TO BOTH IS NO.

OMG THE BELLAS ARE ALONE IN THE RING AGAIN WILL THEY FIGHT EACH OTHER? THE ANSWER IS YES, BUT I STILL DON’T CARE.

Nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from… one of the divas.

 at Niomi “pushing” Tamina off the ropes. SHE BOTCHED A PUSH.

AJ in the ring for like, the second time in the match (first time to start it lol). BLACK WIDOW. TAP OUT. AJ RETAINS .

Glad AJ retained, and while I’m not happy she lost it the next night, at least she lost it to Paige and not some random slut involved in this match. Am I the only AJ fan left btw? I mean, the only one who isn’t weirdly OBESSED with her. Just normally obsessed .

Match is trash. But I don’t regret watching it .

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

MEAN GENE~! He gets interrupted by THE FIRST WRESTLEMANIA MAIN EVENT!!! Paul Orndorff with that moustache is the most awesome thing I’ve seen ever. That and Piper shaking Mr T’s hand . ARRRGHHHH!!! 

 

Randy Orton Vs Batista Vs Daniel Bryan – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

Main event time!!! Wow, only SEVEN matches on the main WM card? That’s awesome tbh. Meant all the matches got the time they needed. Some long, and some short (let’s face it, the 6 man tag and divas matches NEEDED to be short). Plus, no pointless giant music shows in the middle of the show, just some entrances sung live. Shame we still had that 20 minute slurp fest at the start of the show .

Bryan is injured going into this match, so he strikes first!!! Running dropkick to Orton, then as Batista tries for a powerbomb, he hurricanranas the Animal out of the ring. Aaaand then gets his arm SLAMMED to the mat and we are left with Batista Vs Orton .

Crowd are SILENT for Batista and Orton going at it . Could you seriously imagine if the main event STAYED as a singles match between these two? 

YES! Bryan gets back into the ring. Because FUCK ME Batista/Orton was even duller than I thought it would be. Also good for the crowd because they don’t give a SHIT about anything not Bryan. And why should they tbh? Batista hasn’t done a damn thing worth cheering since he quit in 2010, and Orton, as Lawler pointed out on commentary, has been one big AFTER THOUGHT for this whole thing lol.

Bryan hits a diving headbutt! YES LOCK TO BATISTA!!! Nooo! Triple H shows up and drags the referee out of the ring. YEY STEPHANIE IS STILL IN THAT OUTFIT!!!

Batista takes advantage of the distraction with a Spinebuster and BATISTA BOMB. SCOTT ARMSTRONG IS BACK! BRYAN KICKS OUT THOUGH!!!

SUICIDE DIVE TO HHH, ARMSTRONG AND EVEN STEPHANIE MCMAHON!!! THE FANS ARE GOING NUTS!!!

But Bryan make a BIG mistake by hurting STEPHANIE. SLEDGEHAMMER TIME! Bryan takes it away and levels THE GAME right in the fucking FACE! Rollup to Batista as the normal ref gets back into the match, but bah, Orton breaks it up .

And now Orton and Batista decide to work together as a team in order to take out Bryan, because he’s NOT going to give up!!!

POWERBOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER THROUGH A FUCKING TABLE~! Bryan is destroyed, and fuck me, Orton lands BACK FIRST on a monitor. Oh, and yes, it was a NECKBREAKER, not an RKO. RKO is the other way around you plebs…

Awesome spot, and a DAMN good way to take Bryan out of the match so the other two can go at it. Obviously sucks for fans as we wanna see BRYAN rather than Orton and Batista go at it, but yeah, great spot for the match. Like I said in my notes while watching for the first time, better than just a suplex though the table like… well actually like they’ve done a few times in triple threat matches lol.

Hilarious that they stretcher BRYAN out while ignoring Orton, despite the fact he was probably on the worse end of it all . I guess Batista picking him up is the reason.

Fuck me, moments after landing BACK FIRST ON A MONITOR, Batista slams Orton back first onto the table and then into the barricade . Poor bastard.

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! DANIEL BRYAN GETS OFF THE STRETCHER AND PUTS HIMSELF BACK IN THE MATCH!

YES LOCK TO ORTON! YES LOCK TO ORTON!!!

Fucks sake Dave, piss off already.

YES LOCK TO BATISTA! YES LOCK TO BATISTA!!!

Fucks sake Randy, piss off already.

 at the “spear” by Batista to Bryan. He just kinda ran his head into Bryan’s shoulder.

RKO! Holy fuck the first time I saw this I actually thought Batista wasn’t kicking out. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past WWE to fuck up like that. THANKFULLY, Batista does kick out. Best thing he’s done since he quit in 2010 .

Orton runs at Batista for a Punt and… KNEE TO THE FUCKING FACE!!! 

Batista throws Bryan out and goes for a cover… and thankfully Orton kicks out. Best thing Orton has done since… I dunno, the Elimination Chamber probably.

KNEE TO BATISTA! YES LOCK! TAP OUT BATISTA, TAP OUT BATISTA!

BATISTA TAPS OUT!

DANIEL MOTHERFUCKING YES BRYAN HAS JUST WON THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP IN THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA 30! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

A truly AWESOME fucking moment to end the show. WWE did the RIGHT THING. They did was what BEST FOR BUSINESS. And it was incredible. Bryan fucking deserves this moment and I’m glad he got it.

So the match… honestly, I don’t think it was all that good. It was downright AWFUL any time Bryan wasn’t involved. The match had its moments, and they all came from Bryan. Either him taking out THE AUTHORITY, taking that POWERBOMB INTO A NECKBREAKER THROUGH A TABLE, or RUNNING HIS KNEE INTO FACES, then applying the YES LOCK and fucking WINNING. Everything else just wasn’t good. And I’m not saying that JUST because I think Batista is a steaming pile of untalented turn and Orton is mostly an unmotivated cock, but because they genuinely did NOTHING unless Bryan was there with them.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 16

No Way Out 2002

 

Show kicks off with the debut of the NWO in WWE! The NWO at NWO. They claim they are friendly.

 

Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert Vs Christian & Lance Storm Vs The Hardy Boys Vs The Dudley Boys Vs Billy & Chuck Vs The APA – Tag Team Turmoil

We go from the NWO to THE WORM AND THE HIP HOP HIPPO. Apparently the winning team gets a tag title shot at WM. I seem to recall a 4 way tag match at WM though .

GIANT SWING~! But Cesaro isn’t in this match .

SPLAT. That’s the noise made when Storm took a bump over the ropes. Ouch.

How on earth did Scotty last as long as he did in WWE lol? I mean, he survived talent cuts when Vince bought WCW and brought in some of those guys, he was out injured for a year and actually managed to come back… and he even held the tag titles in 04 going into WRESTLEMANIA 20 and retained them too!

Ah well, he and Albert are gone first, and next out is the Hardy Boys. AND FAP FAP LITA FAP FAP!!!

Standard stuff and then Christian and Storm are gone. Yawn.

STACY FAP FAP KEIBLER! Oh and that tag team she manages.

These 2 teams have been feuding since 2000. And JR continues to confuse Matt and Jeff, just like 2000!

RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP COMBINED WITH A SIDE EFFECT .

STACY AND LITA FAP FAP FAP FAP.

LITACANRANA~!

Matt escapes D-Von’s finisher and rolls him up for the win. This part of the match was super fun. Both teams have amazing chemistry still and they get decent time given the kind of match.

Afterwards Matt gets attacked in the ring, and then Jeff gets a 3-D on the floor! Billy & Chuck are next in and they essentially have a handicap match against Matt!

SUPERKICK by Chuck is so devastating it knocks HIM down too! Fameasser and Matt is done.

APA . It all comes down to this!

If Billy & Chuck didn’t get stuck with the homo tag gimmick, they could have been a really good team. Well they WERE still a good team but didn’t have longevity with the gimmick nor were they taken too seriously. You have the veteran Billy, multi time tag champ and all that shit, then you have Chuck who is young with RAW POWER, a ton of potential, and takes direction well from Billy. A good combination allowing them to take on ANY team.

They do well controlling the APA, but in the end the APA are just too much with their power and insane love for FIGHTING. HOLY FUCKITY FUCK at the Clothesline from Hell to end the match! APA win! WM tag title shot!!!

Fun match. Doesn’t hold a candle to the great 01 TTT at JD, but this is still good.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

FLAIR~! UNDERTAKER~! TEASING WM MATCH~!

 

Goldust Vs Rob Van Dam

 GOLDUST.

So this is the match that made me a Goldust fan as far as RING WORK goes. I’d only seen bits of his AE run and the matches I did see weren’t very good (Vs HHH, mostly). It was only after he returned at the RR a month earlier and then had THIS kind of match with RVD that I became a fan. Just hope the match holds up now!!!

Goldust wastes NO TIME going after RVD, clotheslining him over the ropes the moment he steps into the ring! Well, takes him 2 attempts because RVD isn’t able to go over the first time apparently .

The KICKS of RVD put him back on the offensive after being thrown over the ropes, so Goldust has to use those MIND GAMES to get back on top. He rolls out of the ring, then starts to leave, while RVD doesn’t know what’s going on. PLUS is stops the momentum that RVD was starting to build.

 at Lawler talking about American Pie and how “One time, at Bandcap, I stuck a flute in my pussy” is his favourite movie line .

 at JR sounding disgusted by the question of whether or not he’s seen American Pie .

Goldust’s MIND GAMES didn’t work out as well as he’s have hoped… so Goldust takes a page out of Van Dam’s book and flies off the ropes to the floor with a BIONIC ELBOW!

ASS BUMP TO THE FACE. RVD takes a good ass in the face! 

Holy fook, Goldust bending RVD’s back over the ring post is BRUTAL .

Good back work from Goldy, though  at him groaning while applying a hold, with RVD shaking around. Looks like he’s humping him .

Comeback from RVD is stellar just because of how awesome Goldust takes all his offence and how he bumps from it all.

5 STAR FROG SPLASH~! MISS~! DDT FROM FUCKING HELL!!! RVD takes a good ass in the face and is great at falling head first into the mat too! 

CURTAIN CALL~! COUNTERED~!

Fun little finishing stretch between the two, then RVD wins with the Frog Splash with makes me sad.

But what doesn’t make me sad is that this match still rules . ALL HAIL GOLDUST!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Test & Booker T Vs Tazz & Sipke Dudley – WWF Tag Team Titles Match

Nice fast start to this one, with Test trying to kill Tazz. I find it pretty  that Tazz is crawling to the ropes and the guy he gets to tag to save him is SPIKE DUDLEY. Might as well have a bloody handicap match .

Spike gets killed for a few minutes. Booker T sucks. Nothing new here lol.

Match ends a while later. Tazz and Spike win. This was crappy tbh. Tazz looked sloppy as fuck. Booker sucked. Test was the best guy in it. Spike took a decent beating but nothing special or worth mentioning from him.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rock cuts a promo. GENERIC ROCK RAMBLINGS~!

 

Edge Vs William Regal – Brass Knucks on a Poll WWF Intercontinental Championship Match

. Their Vengeance match is amazing. Their RR match is amazing. I do remember this being the weakest of the 3… but still fucking great.

VICIOUS EDGE is nice to see again. I seem to recall a great deal if not all of his 02 after the Regal series as being more of ATHLETE EDGE with counters and reversals and finishing stretches rather than trying to fucking maul his opponent.

He’s pissed off because Regal caused some INTERNAL BLEEDING a few weeks back. So he’s taking the FIGHT to Regal to try and end this quickly, but Regal gets some shots in and then begins to work the mid section over which will further exasperate the injuries .

 Edge takes one hell of a bump off the top rope onto the barricade. DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB ON THE FLOOR . EDGE IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY .

REGAL STRETCH~! DOUBLE UNDERHOOK POWERBOMB~! Regal can’t get the win via submission or pinfall with those moves… so he finally decides to climb the poll, only to end up crotch first on the ropes!

Regal goes for a powerbomb ON THE APRON, and Edge gets a sort of hurricanrana counter when he holds onto the ropes and just rolls his legs forward and flips Regal over onto the floor! LOOKED NASTY.

ELBOWS TO THE STOMACH . ELBOWS TO THE FACE . REGAL GRABS THE KNUCKS!!! But Edge gives him a back superplex before he can use them!

Both men are down and the knucks are in the middle of the ring for anyone to grab! Regal kicks them outside away from Edge, then ends up getting SPEARED!!!

With Regal down, Edge goes outside for the knucks, but Regal decks him when he gets back in and gets the 3 count! Regal had a pair in his penis!!!

 Not as lengthy as I would have liked, but they gets lots of great stuff in, work the gimmick nicely and Regal attacking the injured Edge is . Good stuff no doubt, but still definitely the weaker of their PPV trilogy.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

KURT ANGLE IS GONNA BE HHH’S DADDY.

 

The Undertaker Vs The Rock

 UNDERTAKER .

2002 Heel Undertaker = .

Undertaker TOMBSTONING ROCK ONTO A CAR = .

Rock runs down to the ring to take it straight to the Dead Man, and does well for about 20 seconds until he runs face first into the boot of the GOAT.

 Undertaker driving his forearm into the back of Rock’s head and crushing it into the mat looks SICK. This is what happens when you DISRESPECT THE DEAD MAN.

Undertaker is working the HEAD of Rock, smart stuff since he Tombstoned him on the car just a few days ago I believe it was. Plus it means plenty of strikes to Rock’s head . CAVE HIS FUCKING SKULL IN .

Undertaker: “YOU WANNA GET UP?” *Kicks Rock in the head* “YOU WANNA GET UP?” .

Rock starts to get on a roll, and he begins to focus on UNDERTAKER’S head now as revenge. Undertaker selling shots to his head is .

 Undertaker crotches Rock on the barricade then just sits on the ring steps and looks on at him disgusted . UNDERTAKER IS AMAZING. Then he sets Rock up for a HUGE right hand, looks around at the “people” and then cracks him in the face and sends him over the barricade to the concrete floor.

 at the little spot with the doors. Fairly certain Undertaker was just fucking with the camera man .

Have I mentioned that UNDERTAKER FUCKING RULES? Because he does, ya know.

Well, it has happened. Someone made the BEARHUG rule. Guess who? UNDERTAKER YOU DUMB FUCKS.

Rock makes his comeback, and even hits a LOW BLOW right in front of the referee… who does fuck all.

JR: “UNDERTAKER JUST GOT HIT IN DEATH VALLEY” .

CHOKESLAM~! 2 count only . So Undertaker goes to “sit” on his bike, looking all suspicious. The ref comes out to see what he’s up to and ends up flying into the steel steps .

LED PIPE! Flair comes down to stop him and gets DECKED in the face! Rock recovers enough to counter and locks in the Sharpshooter type move he does!

VINCE MCMAHON~! He distracts the referee and The Rock, but then Flair cracks ‘Taker in the head with the pipe! Rock Bottom! Rock… wins? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

Aside from this finish, this rocks!!! Undertaker is just fucking incredible ever second of the match. Rock holds his own too btw. And his Sharpshooter actually looks the best it’s ever looked as well!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Triple H Vs Kurt Angle – Special Guest Referee Stephanie McMahon – WrestleMania Title Match on the Line

FAP FAP FAP FAP STEPHANIE FAP FAP FAP FAP. She looks AMAZING in some super short shorts and a referee top with her tits hanging out.

Match starts and Angle keeps trying to roll up HHH with Stephanie going down quick (hahahahahFAP) to make the count.

 the crowd are chanting “take your shirt off” to Stephanie. PERVERTS.

Shitty brawling. Shitty brawling. Kurt accidentally knocks Stephanie over the ropes and she died or something. HHH waves her off with his crotch in Angle’s face. LOL. Normal referee now. Boooo. Tim White isn’t nearly as FAPABLE as Stephanie.

Shitty brawling. SUPLEXES~! MORE SUPLEXES~! A COUPLE OF EXTRA SUPLEXES JUST FOR GOOD LUCK~!

YEY SLEEPER HOLD!!! Ah well, a rest spot at least cuts down on the shitty brawling and SUPLEXES for a minute or so .

STEPHANIE FAP FAP IS BACK . Aaaand gets knocked out again straight away. Booooo.

Ref bump. Ref bump. Ref bump. Ref bump. Shenanigans. Suplexes. Shitty brawling. Steel chair. Screwjob. Angle wins. And that is the entire match summed up. Also, shit.

HHH cums out of his mouth at the end of something.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Rock mocks the NWO. I hope they run into him with a big truck or something.

 

Chris Jericho Vs Steve Austin – WWF Undisputed Championship Match

First 5 minutes or so see Austin in control mostly. Plenty of punches and chops lol. Jericho keeps getting some shots in but Austin cuts him off all the time.

BRAWLING UP BY THE STAGE~! Austin seems to be treating this more like a 99/99 AE match lol. Which sucks.

Austin trying to superplex Jericho from every corner is . Wish more people would try that these days lol. Would probably work well for Daniel Bryan.

Poor Jericho. His entire title run was booked with him as the underdog champion. Which isn’t good for a heel . This reminds me a little of Undertaker/HHH from Insurrextion with Austin never giving Jericho THAT much heat, but at least he does give him SOME. HHH fucked Undertaker far too much in their match. So Undertaker beat him 2 years in a row at WM .

LOL Austin totally rules this match. Not in the awesome way, I mean that he dominates everything and survives EVERYTHING Jericho throws at him including the Walls, Lionsault and a BREAKDOWN ON THE BELT.

STUNNER~! Ref is out though (how many ref bumps in the last 3 matches lol?), so the NWO show up and maul Austin. Jericho picks up the win.

I used to like this . Now I don’t. Boooo.

Rating: *1/2
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 12.5