Author: Big Cal

BCW Interactive General Manager: Episode 001 – Getting Started

Here is a list of the roster to choose from. Remember, wrestlers in this colour qualify as Cruiserweights which is a Smackdown exclusive title, and wrestlers in this colour qualify for the women’s championship division, a title exclusive to Raw.

 

  1. Batista
  2. Big Show
  3. Booker T
  4. Carlito
  5. Charlie Hass
  6. Chavo Guerrero
  7. Chris Benoit
  8. Chris Jericho
  9. Chris Masters
  10. Christian
  11. Christy Hemme
  12. Danny Basham
  13. Doug Basham
  14. Eddie Guerrero
  15. Edge
  16. Eugene
  17. Heidenreich
  18. The Hurricane
  19. JBL
  20. John Cena
  21. Joy Giovanni
  22. Kane
  23. Khosrow Daivari
  24. Kurt Angle
  25. Lita
  26. Mark Jindrak
  27. Michelle McCool
  28. Muhammad Hassan
  29. Orlando Jordan
  30. Paul London
  31. Randy Orton
  32. Rene Dupree
  33. Rey Mysterio
  34. Ric Flair
  35. Rob Van Dam
  36. Rob Conway
  37. Scotty 2 Hotty
  38. Shawn Michaels
  39. Shelton Benjamin
  40. Snitsky
  41. Spike Dudley
  42. Stacy Keibler
  43. Steven Richards
  44. Sylvain Grenier
  45. Tajiri
  46. Torrie Wilson
  47. Triple H
  48. Trish Stratus
  49. Undertaker
  50. William Regal

 

Please remember that the order of superstars on your list is very important. The person at the top of your list should be the person you want me to draft first (if possible). UPDATED RULES: Now, each wrestler has a number, so instead of writing out a list of NAMES, you can just list the NUMBERS in the order you want them! Ways to send me your list (including which brand you wish me to run) include:

 

The comments section below (either on www.wrestlingview.co.uk, www.bigcalsworld.co.uk, or below the video on Youtube)

Email – bigcal@wrestlingview.co.uk or bigcal@bigcalsworld.co.uk – with the subject title”BCW GM”.

Backlash 2006 PPV Ramblings

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Backlash 2006

 

The last Raw only PPV for me to watch in 2006, and from memory, this is actually a good one!

 

Lol, right behind the Spanish Announcers, there is a group of 4 slutty looking women all drinking beer. Wonder how rowdy they get towards the end of the night!!! :p

 

Chris Masters Vs Carlito

Were WWE selling apples at events to try and make some money from Carlito now that he was a babyface? :p They sure as fuck try to sell everything else as merch!

Masters is impressive early on, punching Carlito in the face (which is ALWAYS cool), and launching him into the air for a huge back body drop.

Carlito puts on a Masterlock on Masters, who just breaks free with ease and looks at Carlito like he’s a fucking retard :lmao.

POWERBOMB INTO THE TURNBUCKLE~!

“POOP DOGG” sign :lmao.

REST HOLD~!

Carlito makes a comeback, nothing worth talking about though other than he does continue to sell his neck that was injured after the powerbomb, so that’s something.

MISSED MOONSAULT~! But Masters has to act like it hit anyway, poor guy :p.

Carlito cheats to win. Some babyface…

Nothing worth seeing here tbh.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Maria and her TITS talking about the triple threat tonight. FAP.

 

LITA SHOWS UP TOO. FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

 

Umaga Vs Ric Flair

Oh look, ANOTHER Umaga PPV match before Cyber Sunday. That’s 2. JR WAS WRONG. DOUBLE WRONG. BAH GAWD.

Umaga is just too big and powerful for Flair to do anything against, so he has to resort to being the DIRTIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME~! Thumb to the eye and 2 low blows… but even THAT isn’t enough to stop the SAMOAN BULLDOZER YOUMANGA!

Umaga knows only one direction, and it’s forward. Flair can use this to his advantage by moving out of the way from time to time, avoiding certain hits and even sending Umaga head first into the ring post!

Not the smarted move though, because Umaga IS Samoan after all, and his head is thicker than the average TNA fan 8*D.

SAMOAN SPIKE~! This is over.

Fun squash.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

:lmao Vince backstage mocking religion. Awesome :lmao. Bread and fish flying everywhere :lmao. SHANE’S WATER TURNED INTO WINE!!!

 

Mickie James Vs Trish Stratus – WWE Women’s Championship Match

:lmao just look at the match image for this one:

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Their match at NYR was great. Their match at WM was great. Their match here… disappointing :(.

Matrix into a headscissors :mark:. That was fucking awesome!!!

THEZ PRESS OFF THE APRON~!

Trish is taking the fight to Mickie, because she needs her title back!

Trish gets dumped off the ropes to the floor, and OUCH, she puts her arm on the apron to break her fall and it bends BACKWARDS. And this is unfortunately why the match is disappointing. Trish is legit injured :(.

Mickie gets herself DQ’d and this one is done. Such a shame poor Trish got hurt :(. This could have been another great match. Everything up to the injury was really damn good though!

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Maria and her TITS interviewing HBK.

 

Shelton Benjamin Vs RVD – Money in the Bank & WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

The winner of this gets the IC belt AND the MITB Briefcase!!!

With they’d defend the briefcase more these days. When was the last time it was done? Cena/Ziggler TLC 2012? Hopefully by the time this makes it onto Wrestling View, we’ll have had Rollins Vs Ambrose with the briefcase on the line :mark:.

No Shelton’s MOMMA cos she had a heart attack or something to get her off TV :(. Could you imagine if Shelton won the MITB briefcase here and won the WWE title with his MOMMA in his corner? :mark:

These guys are going all out from the get go, flipping around and hitting some impressive moves. SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB ON THE FLOOR~!

Shelton is nice and aggressive now he has RVD on the ropes after the powerbomb. Using submissions that focus on the back, then the moment RVD looks to try and escape, Shelton lets go and just pounds the fuck out of RVD to soften him up for yet another submission.

ROLLING THUNDER INTO A SAMOAN DROP~! Yeah, that ruled.

KICK TO THE FACE~!

So RVD is making his comeback and… hits a rolling thunder. After he’d has his BACK worked over the entire match. FFS RVD.

Frog Splash misses, and RVD gets fucking murdered with a DDT :mark:.

RVD’s kick to Shelton’s face earlier was sweeeet… and Shelton returns the favour with an even better kick to the face!!!

Another babyface cheats to win, as RVD kicks the Briefcase into Shelton’s face to set up the Frog Splash.

Fun match, shame about RVD’s inability to sell.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Kane Vs The Big Show

Oh, the May 19th storyline :lmao.

:lmao Lawler talks about how it’s an unwritten rule in wrestling that you never try to cause anyone loss of their sight. DID YOU FORGET ABOUT TERRY FUNK?!?! :p

Was hoping for a clash of giants here but… instead we get more of a wrestling match. Not quite the wrestling match they had on Raw around this time that was FUN AS FUCK lol, but more of a “work the arm” type wrestling match which is not as fun :p. I WANT TO SEE THEM HIT EACH OTHER IN THE FACT DAMMIT.

BIG SHOW TRIES TO ATTACK KANE’S EYE~!

ROH sign in the crowd.

Lol, red light and Kane’s own voice plays, talking about May 19th :lmao. This is some serious shit :lmao.

Kane loses it and starts smashing himself in the face, so Big Show smacks him over the head with a chair to… calm him down? :lmao

:lmao this is trash.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Candice Michelle backstage with Vince and she’s having an orgasm from him touching her :lmao. God McMahon was awesome.

 

Shawn Michaels & God Vs Vince & Shane McMahon – No Holds Barred Match

:lmao Vince booked GOD in a tag match :lmao.

MCMAHONISM~!

:lmao at the bit in the church where Vince tells God to strike him down if he’s wrong… and Shane slowly backs away from him :lmao. I miss Shane.

:lmao at Lillian Garcia trying to no laugh at God’s entrance :lmao.

:lmao Vince cutting a promo on God :lmao.

:lmao God’s theme music is a version of The Cat/Brodus Clay’s music :lmao.

:lmao Vince tells the referee to check God to make sure he doesn’t have any weapons :lmao.

Vince makes the match No Holds Barred!!!

:lmao at HBK’s music interrupting Vince, and Shane just starts dancing to the music :lmao.

This is already like, the greatest thing ever :lmao.

Vince is gonna send Shawn and God straight to HELL!!! So Shawn slaps the shit out of Vince :lmao.

Shane looking to piledrive Shawn off the stage :mark:. Bah, Shawn counters :(.

Poor Shane. He has no luck with his head and stage pieces. Shawn just smashed his face into a metal part of the Backlash set :p. At least it wasn’t glass! :p

HBK crossbodies himself into Vince and they both go crashing off the stage!!! :mark:

Man, God is pretty fucking useless in this match. He’s just stood on the apron watching as Shawn does all the work. Typical.

CHAIR TO HBK’S FACE~!

BLOOD~!

ARM DRAG INTO THE BARRICADE~!

Shane rubbing it in the face of God by climbing the turnbuckle where God is standing. ELBOW DROP~! SHAWN MOVED~! I wonder if he can make the hot tag!

God continues to stand by as Vince and Shane destroy HBK.

Vince on the mic again :lmao. He wants to know what God is gonna do about the fact they are demolishing Shawn.

OMG GOD WALKS OUT ON SHAWN~! What an evil bastard! He just left Shawn high and dry!

:lmao at Vince’s attempt at a Superkick :lmao.

HBK making a comeback! I guess God walking out on him has really motivated the Showstopper!

Shane hits his own dad in the head with a chair!!!

ELBOW DROP TO SHANE~!

SUPERKICK TO SHANE~!

SUPERKICK TO VINCE~!

Looks like HBK didn’t need God at all! :p

It’s time. It’s time. It’s… TABLE TIME!!!

LADDER~! Vince and Shane are on the tables, Shawn is on top of a giant ladder! Then the male cheerleaders show up to ruin everything so Shawn dives off the ladder onto them!!!

It’s now 7 on 1 (because God abandoned HBK LOL). The Spirit Squad do that lifting move they do and throw Shawn about 10 feet in the air, dropping him through a table!

Vince pins Shawn. VINCE AND SHANE HAVE A VICTORY OVER GOD~! :lmao

So while the premise of this match on paper sounds retarded, with a make believe character as Shawn’s tag partner… it’s actually a really good match! Vince and Shane destroy Shawn, Shawn is a great FIP, and there is a lot of good to be found here.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

So apparently Maria and her TITS are too busy so Todd Grisham is left to interview Cena. His TITS aren’t nearly as good.

 

Matt Striker comes out to teach us. He’s billed as being from “the classroom” :lmao. He brings out Eugene. He challenges Eugene to spell his own name. Instead, Eugene writes “loves poop” under Striker’s name on the chalkboard. So Eugene just proved he can’t spell his own name :lmao. And now Eugene has a booger. And he’s planning to eat it. He shoves it in Striker’s mouth instead then Stuns him :lmao. The fuck was the point of this segment?

 

John Cena Vs Edge Vs Triple H – WWE Championship Match

Edge fucks off to the outside and tells HHH and Cena to go at it. They seem to like this idea and punch each other in the face :p.

Edge laughs, and HHH and Cena decide to punch HIM in the face. Then I laugh :).

SPEAR TO CENA WHILE HE WAS HOLDING UP HHH FOR AN F-U~!

DDT ON THE TABLE TO HHH~! Huh, I always remembered that spot resulting in HHH being busted open, and him blading as he was taking the DDT so it looked like his head got busted open from the table. But he actually bladed from a ring post shot right before.

STFU TO EDGE~! He’s about to tap, but HHH shows up and grabs Edge’s arm, then smacks Cena in the head with a microphone :lmao.

Damn, HHH’s blade job is insane. His face is covered in blood and dripping like fuck. STFU TO HHH~!

:lmao at HHH screaming as he rises up off the mat and makes a dive for the ropes :lmao. UUURRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

So, HHH is in the STFU AGAIN, and Edge, being the smart guy he is… instead of GETTING IN THE RING AND BREAKING THE HOLD, decides to CLIMB THE ROPES. What a Rated R for Retard.

HHH just gave Lita a Spinebuster. WHAT A CUNT.

HHH grabs the chair and throws it away. He don’t need no chair. He needs a SLEDGEHAMMER~!

SPEAR TO THE GAME~!

:lmao Cena wins with a ROLLUP :lmao.

Pretty good triple threat, even with the typical formula.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 9.5

No Mercy 2006 PPV Ramblings

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No Mercy 2006

 

The holy grail of PPV in 2006!

 

Gregory Helms Vs Matt Hardy

What a way to kick off the show!!! :mark:

Helms ruled 06 as CW champion… though it was odd that he faced Matt hardy on PPV twice, since Matt was too FAT to be a CW, so helms didn’t defend the belt on either occasion. Still, the CW champion was getting PPV matches and was looking great every time. Plus, with the brand split, they had plenty of time to have TV feuds over the title as well to help gain/retain viewers.

As well as a previous PPV match, over the last month on SD they’ve each had a victory over each other, both using a low blow behind the referee’s back! So now it’s the “rubber match” in this low blow series :p.

Slow start as they feel each other out, always playing up on their history of growing up in the business together and knowing each other so well and never being able to get the better of the other without resorting to something big.

Back and forth action, featuring one hell of a fucking kick to Hardy’s gut from Helms! Surprised he didn’t get a hump on his back from that!

Love how Helms works over his opponents neck. He has about a billion variations of the neck breaker and they all look sweet.

:mark: Helms using one of my favourite moves from the SD Vs Raw 2006 game, where you hook your opponents arms behind their back while on the mat, then knee the fuck out of their face :mark:.

CODE BREAKER~!

HARDY KICKS OUT~!

:mark: pretty epic PUNCH EXCHANGE from these two. Hardy throws one heck of a right hand.

Helms fucking DESTROYS Matt with 3 crazy reverse DDT/Neckbreaker types moves, but wastes far too much time playing to the crowd and climbing the ropes to show off, allowing Matt to recover enough to make a comeback!

THREE SIDE EFFECTS FROM MATT~! Nice revenge spot :).

Matt also decides to go to the ropes, but is quick about it and hits a Moonsault…NO! Helms got the knees up!

SHINING WIZARD~!

KICK OUT~!

HOLY SHIT~! Helms dropped Matt balls first onto the ropes (nice call back to how this match came about), then took to the ropes and hit a Shining Wizard to Matt while he was still straddling the ropes!!!

HARDY GOT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES~!

LOW BLOW COUNTERED INTO A TWIST OF FATE OUT OF NOWHERE~!

HELMS LOSES ON PPV FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2006!

One hell of a fucking match!!! And this is just the OPENING MATCH!!!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Booker T and Sharmell backstage talking about the 4 way for the title tonight. REGAL shows up offering his services. Booker T tells Regal to find Finlay and convince him to help Booker tonight.

 

Bryan Kendrick & Paul London Vs KC James & Idol Steves – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Michelle McCool as the hot, sexy, naught teacher :mark:. FAP.

That Idol Stevens looks familiar :side: :p.

Remember when Ashley was randomly put with Londrick? And then like, nothing came of it? Good times, good times… :p. I *think* they planned on doing something with them both falling in love with her but she only liked one of them, causing them to break up or some shit. Kinda glad it just got dropped.

:lmao Idol Sandow nearly falls over from kneeing London in the gut.

:lmao the more you see of Damien Stevens the more you realise why he disappeared by to development for another 6 years or whatever it was :p. I’m surprised he can walk, because he’s constantly falling over himself and screwing up :lmao.

Sweet Jebus, London took one hell of a bump off the ropes to the floor.

Epic struggle from London trying to make a tag, with Damien Stedow desperately trying to drag him back to his corner :mark:. Love that shit in tag matches, makes the hot tag that much sweeter when it happens.

So aside from Idol Sandens being clumsy and somewhat shitty, he and James are a pretty solid team, working well together and putting together a nice control segment too.

McCool on the outside is always trying to help her team, putting foots on ropes, moving people out of the way etc, while Ashley just… stands around. She’s as useless at being a manager as she is a wrestler :lmao.

MICHELLE’S TITS NEARLY POP OUT :mark:.

The superior team work once again proves to be the deciding factor for Londrick, as they retain their tag belts!

Really good match, but I can’t help but think it could have been EVEN BETTER had Londrick had more established opponents. Still, impressive all things considering!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

REGAL :mark:. He’s looking for Finlay. He spots Vito (in a dress and heels) skipping. Regal decides to show him how it’s done, but gets put off when Vito lifts his dress up to wipe sweat off his face. Then Regal walks into… some bowls of sauce that some guy is walking around with :p. :lmao Vince trying to swim in beer in 1998 ain’t got nothing on Regal trying to stand up in the sauce :p.

 

Teddy Long comes out to the ring for a birthday celebration. The birthday boy? The Jiz. Urgh. Skipped everything here except for Layla. FAP.

 

MVP Vs Marty Garner

SQUASH~!

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

REGAL PENIS~! NAKED REGAL~! He runs into Teddy Long while naked in the hallway, so Teddy puts Regal in a match tonight, against a mystery opponent!!!

 

The Undertaker Vs Mr Kennedy

:mark: UNDERTAKER~!

Kennedy was actually great during this time. Loved that sit down interview he did leading up to this match too. They show bits of it in the video package, and it’s well worth watching in full. Shame Kennedy went downhill rapidly in 2007, and has been a useless hack ever since. He seemed to have so much potential at the time.

Gotta love how Michael Cole manages to even make UNDERTAKER sound like some common nobody. HE ROUGHS PEOPLE UP~! :lmao

Undertaker catches Kennedy with a boot to the face and his boot seemingly sticks to Kennedy’s face all the way down to the mat as Kennedy takes the bump :lmao.

:mark: Love Undertaker’s early arm work in this one. Kennedy sells it really well, and Undertaker makes it look vicious as fuck. Kennedy counters Old School with an arm drag off the ropes, but one kick from Undertaker to the shoulder he’d been working on and Kennedy is back taking punishment!

EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE~!

Sign in the crowd saying “Let Eddie RIP”. AKA STOP USING EDDIE IN STORYLINES YOU FUCKS.

Kennedy does what made me such a fan of him during this time; constantly creating openings for himself. He knocks Undertaker off the apron into the barricade. Knocks him off the ropes. Throws him to the outside, then catches him with a DDT as he comes back into the ring. Undertaker is still mostly dominant, because you know, he’s the fucking UNDERTAKER, but this young upshot Mr Kennedy is taking advantage of every opportunity he can, and it makes for one hell of a match.

Holy Jebus, I think Kennedy just got back at Undertaker for that boot earlier. Does that running boot in the corner that people probably associate Samoa Joe with, and damn, it looks like he connects full on with ‘Takers face!

Undertaker again fights back and…

PILEDRIVER TO THE UNDERTAKER~! :mark:

And of course Cole calls it a Tombstone because he’s a fucking idiot.

I wish more people were able to do a Piledriver in WWE. It’s an awesome move. And seriously, how many people have ACTUALLY been injured from a NORMAL PILEDRIVER? In WWE? Only guy I can think of in WWE that got injured from a Piledriver was Austin, and that was a modified one that was a mix between a normal piledriver and a tombstone. More people have been injured from clotheslines in the last couple of years than a piledriver in the last 3 decades…

:mark: Kennedy doing everything he can to avoid a Chokeslam, including using the referee! Fuck me, he even busts out some crazy flippy kick I’d expect to see from RVD! Undertaker avoids it and lands a Chokeslam finally!!!

LAST RIDE~! NO! Kennedy again fights out, and that exposed turnbuckle from earlier finally comes into play!!!

KENTON BOMB~!

UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!! :mark:

UNDERTAKER SITS UP!!!! KENNEDY RUNS AWAY!!!

Kennedy brings in the US title belt, gets punched in the face, then ‘Taker picks up the belt and smashes it into Kennedy’s face!

MR KENNEDY JUST BEAT THE UNDERTAKER BY DQ!!!

Undertaker is pissed, and takes out all his frustrations on Mr Kennedy, and then takes out the referee too!

This still fucking rules, and I genuinely don’t understand why most people don’t think highly of it lol. Oh well :p.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero – Falls Count Anywhere

Fine, I’ll give this one a chance. Maybe it being FCA will help.

:lmao I forgot they even used Dominick during the build up to this one :lmao. What is it with WWE and using Rey’s family? :p

Flashbacks to their SS match early on as they repeat spots.

:lmao Chavo points at the “EG” arm band Rey wears and says “this isn’t your Uncle, this isn’t you blood”, then punches it :lmao. I think I finally found the highlight of Chavo’s career!!!

GORY SPECIAL ON THE GUARD RAIL~! And neither commentator acknowledges it…

Aaaand they spend 90% of this match fighting in a space between a row of seats and a guard rail. Big Show probably couldn’t fit in the damn space they were in.

Rey botches the pin at the end.

So this sucked.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

William Regal Vs Chris Benoit

CHRIS BENOIT IS BACK!!! :mark:

:mark: REGAL BLOCKED A CHOP :mark:.

This is just typical Benoit/Regal goodness :mark:. Neither man wants to let their opponent breath, so they are both always trying to apply a hold. Gnarly and gritty are two perfect works to describe any matches between these two (and when Finlay is involved too).

THE FIRST CHOP OF THE MATCH :mark:. Gets a huge pop and makes one hell of an impact because of Regal blocking the last attempt.

HEADBUTTS~!

GERMAN SUPLEX~!

DIVING HEADBUTT~!

BOTH MEN ARE BLEEDING FROM THE HEADBUTTS~!

:mark:

APRON DDT~! One of my favourite moves. Love that it was finally added into WWE games. Shame it couldn’t have been added years ago when the games were good :(.

KNEE TREMBLER~!

BENOIT KICKS OUT~!

FOREARM INTO THE FACE WHILE MAKING A COVER~!

REGAL IS AWESOME~! :mark:

CHOP TO THE CUT ON REGAL’S HEAD~! AND AGAIN~! BENOIT IS AWESOME~! :mark:

I just can’t say enough good shit about how awesome these guys are. Everything is a fight, everything is earned, and everything looks fantastic. Regal fighting to avoid the Crossface at the end is a terrific battle, but once Benoit has it locked in, Regal knows it’s OVER and taps out straight away. Love it.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Booker T confronts Regal when he comes back from the match, and wants to know if he talked to Finlay :lmao. Finlay shows up and tells Booker he’s here tonight to take the WHC!!!

 

Booker T slaps Regal! REGAL FUCKING DECKS THE WHC!!! :mark: MVP might have made his debut on this PPV, but Regal is the REAL MVP tonight!!!

 

Booker T Vs Finlay Vs Bobby Lashley Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Originally supposed to be Booker Vs Lashley, but I guess they thought Lashley wasn’t good enough to main event a PPV on his own yet, so they put in Batista… and then Finlay so SOMEONE in the match knew what they were doing :p.

GOAT Finlay slides out of the ring and sits down on the outside, leaving Booker to deal with Lashley and Batista :lmao. Then when he feels like it, he gets in the ring, attacks Lashley from behind and takes down Batista!

Despite the fact Finlay said he’s here to win the title, he convinces Booker that he wants to team up with him against Lashley and Batista.

Booker and Finlay beat the shit out of Batista and Lashley, and Finlay finally decides to turn on Booker, who is definitely the weakest link in this match!!! :lmao JBL calls Finlay a Bastard :lmao.

Booker only has himself to blame. FINLAY TOLD HIM RIGHT BEFORE THE MATCH THAT HE WAS GONNA TAKE HIS TITLE FFS. It’s his own damn fault for trusting him. Moron.

And just think, there WERE plans for a Finlay heel title run in 06, but Stephanie was a retarded bitch and said no :(. Yeah because Booker fucking T was such a great choice… urgh.

:mark: Finlay has an arm lock on Batista, but the POWER of the Animal allows him to stand up and hit a Samoan Drop… but Finlay doesn’t let go of the arm!!! Lashley runs in to get him some and Finlay throws Batista aside and takes down Lashley!!! Finlay is fucking OWNING EVERYONE :mark:.

Booker nails Batista with a huge kick, and Cole screams “THERE’S THE FLEXIBILITY, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT”. When? WHEN THE FUCK WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT BOOKER T BEING FLEXIBLE?

“THIS LASHLEY IS A MAN!” Cole is just churning out the shit tonight lol.

LOW BLOW TO LASHLEY BY LITTLE BASTARD~!

SHILLELAGH TO THE FUCKING FACE OF LASHLEY~!

And Shitty T breaks up the pin and we don’t get a Finlay WHC run :(.

JACKHAMMER BY BATISTA~!

BATISTA AND LASHLEY STAREDOWN~!

SPEAR BY BATISTA~! LASHLEY KICKS OUT~! I JUST GOT A BIT OF TISSUE IN MY MOUTH WHILE TRYING TO BLOW MY NOSE~!

:lmao the sweat dripping off of Batista and Lashley combined could fill an ocean.

BATISTA IS BLEEDING~! Not sure what’s coming out of Batista more; the blood or the sweat :p.

Lashley and Batista basically beat each other senseless, allowing Finlay and Booker T to come in and pick the bones.

BOOKEND~! LASHLEY KICKS OUT~!

Batista with SPINEBUSTERS for everyone! What a generous guy :).

BATISTA BOMB TO FINLAY~!

SPEAR TO BATISTA~!

BOOKER T COVERS FINLAY AND STEALS THE WIN~!

Aside from the shitty winner, this is a pretty awesome four way. Certainly one of the best in WWE history. A ton of fun, and man oh man, Finlay is such a damn WORKHORSE, keeping the match together and making it awesome.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 22

Vengeance 2006 PPV Ramblings

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Vengeance 2006

 

Didn’t have to take the wrapping off this one! I took it off a few months ago with the intention of watching it and… never did :p.

 

I did go through the bonus disc that my version came with. Just filled with a bunch of 2006 DX stuff so… not great :p.

 

“RIC FLAIR IS MY GREAT GRANDPA! and “TNA” signs spotted immediately lol.

 

Randy Orton Vs Kurt Angle

Raw Vs ECW match? Cena Vs Sabu? And the title match is Edge Vs RVD? The fuck is this, ECW One Night Stand 3?

Let’s hope this one is better than their ECW ONS match anyway. That one had some good parts to it, but suffered from too many flaws to actually be good.

Still hate that damn ECW remix of Angle’s theme.

Man, crazy cover attempt by Angle using a hammer lock! That was pretty sweeeeet.

Orton keeps running to the ropes like a PUSSY, so Angle tryes to penetrate him from behind as punishment. Either that or he was trying for a German Suplex off the apon :side:.

The apron German failed, but a German on the floor lands and Orton is DEAD.

:lmao Angle is circling Orton trying to hit a double leg or something, and Orton thumbs him right in the eye and hits a dropkick! Even the fans have to cheer that one lol.

HEADLOCK~! Angle says fuck that and lifts Orton off the ground and hits a modified Samoan Drop! Take THAT, headlocks!

“CARLITO SPITS, MELINA SWALLOWS” sign :lmao. Wouldn’t surprise me if they both swallowed :side:.

HEADLOCK~! This time Orton has it locked in and not even Angle can escape it with ease. Looks real good too. Orton really makes it look like he’s trying to pop his opponents head with it.

:lmao a botched belly to belly off the ropes.

MULTIPLE GERMANS~! 8 of them. Pfft. I guess that makes Lensar twice as good as Angle 8*D.

Strange modified Angle Slam thingy… JR just calls it a suplex. Fuck knows exactly what he was trying to do :p.

ANKLE LOCK~!

:lmao at the way they set up Angle going head first into the exposed turnbuckle :lmao.

RKO~!

ORTON WINS~!

Well… this was a little better than their ONS match. Still had problems, the main one being that they didn’t “click” for me. These two just don’t have great chemistry.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Vince is being a creepy bastard to a make a wish kid, thinking it’s a setup from DX :lmao. He pushes the kid out of his room, and we just hear him scream and crash into something :lmao. Turns out he’s a family friend of THE COACH who was invited to meet his hero, Mr McMahon :p.

 

Umaga Vs Eugene

I knew JR was wrong! I said during my Unforgiven ramble that JR said that was Umaga’s first PPV match. LIES JR. FUCKING LIES.

Eugene has brought some friends with him. And they aren’t even imaginary!!! Though one of them is as retarded as Eugene… HOOOOOOOOOO! JIM DUGGAN! Doink the Clown is back! I miss Matt Bourne Heel Doink :(. KAMALA!

Well, how can Eugene possibly lose these match? He has 3 old men in his corner!

This lasts about 2 minutes, and Eugene is squashed :). Then Umaga squashes the old men, except for Kamala, because Estrada tells Umaga he’s crazy and they should avoid him lol.

Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Ric Flair Vs Mick Foley – 2 out of 3 Falls Match

*sigh* I guess I’ll sit through this one. It does have 2 legends.

So so so so so disappointed with this when I first saw it. Sure they made up for it at SummerSlam, but damn, this sucked. Doubt much will change on this watch, but I’d just feel wrong NO’ing a match between these two.

Foley said he’s gonna out-wrestle Flair tonight, but so far he ain’t doing so well :p.

If wrestling don’t work, then a punch to the fucking FACE will :).

:lmao a Ric Flair version of Socko :lmao.

TESTICULAR CLAW~!

Flair successfully flies off the ropes… and hurts his knee! :lmao Lawler says he would have been better off getting bodyslammed :p.

FOLEY TARGETING THE LEG COS HE’S A RASSLER~!

Flair counters a Figure Four attempt with a cradle and the first fall goes to Flair!

Flair starts to beat the shit out of Foley, who gets angry and brings a trash can into the ring! Flair counters with a Figure Four, and Foley escapes with a shot to Flair using the trash can! Foley gets DQ’d, and loses 2 straight falls!

Ya know, this wasn’t as awful as I remembered it being. Sure, it was still disappointing, but they had a pretty fun match and this was only really a set up to their I Quit match at SummerSlam, so being able to look back on it that way does make it seem better.

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Maria’s tits are interviewing Carlito. Then Torrie Wilson and her tits show up and Maria rubs oil on her for a photoshoot. Then for some reason Torrie rubs oil on Maria’s ass even though she isn’t doing a photoshoot. Carlito’s music hits and he needs to head out to the ring instead of watching some HLA :p.

 

Carlito Vs Shelton Benjamin Vs Johnny Nitro – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

MELINA LOOKING FAP!

:lmao heel Shelton. An open shirt and sunglasses. THAT WAS HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER :lmao.

Typical triple threat stuff for the most part.

:lmao Nitro sends Carlito head first into the ring post, then shouts “Now THAT’S cool!”.

Flippy flippy flippy flippy.

Say what you want, but these microwave cheesburgers, or BUUUUURGUUURS as they are know to me and my friend (private joke. so fuck you all! :p ), are bloody lovely. Sure a REAL burger would be better, but when it’s 2 for 89p and they are ready in a minute and a half, you really can’t complain.

Ooops, best get back to talking about the match. Seems I missed some more flippy flippy flippy flippy.

HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT? MORE FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY~!

Melina is the only good thing in this match. Smoking hot and always bending over to show her tits, screaming, and helping out Nitro any chance she gets.

After doing a quick google search, I was able to find some footage of these 3 men backstage discussing what they plan to do in the match!

“Hey guys, I have an idea tonight for the match. LET’S DO LOTS OF RANDOM MOVES AND FLIPS!!!”

“OH WOW THAT’S GREAT LET’S DO THAT!!!”

:p

Fuck me how long is this match? It seems to be going on forever.

FINALLY. Nitro wins the IC title and the match is OVER.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

VINCE MCMAHON TRIES A PENIS PUMP~! IT EXPLODES GREEN PAINT ON HIM INSTEAD~!

 

RVD Vs Edge – WWE Championship Match

:lmao this isn’t even the main event :lmao.

GOD DAMN. LITA. FAP FAP FAP.

Edge says he and LITA are gonna have another LIVE SEX CELEBRATION if he wins the title here tonight. Well, I guess I’m rooting for Edge tonight!!! :p

Fuck me, this is starting off like the triple threat. FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY. And not just RVD either. Even Edge took to the ropes.

SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR~!

RVD totally deserved that. HE KICKED LITA IN THE CHEST. Lawler thinks she might have a chest injury. For someone like Lita that could be life threatening!!!

:mark: RVD does that jumping spinning leg drop thing from the apron to the barricade… and Edge moves, leaving RVD to land HARD on his leg!!! Then Edge throws him out of the ring about 30 seconds later and his leg gets caught in the ropes and he just crumbles to the floor :p.

POWERBOMB ONTO THE BARRICADE. FUCK ME.

Image

The powerbomb to RVD’s back allows Edge to continue to capitalise on the sunset flip powerbomb from earlier, so nice that Edge is sticking with his original plan, even after RVD’s leg got fucked up.

Shame Edge’s back work lasts about a minute before RVD is flippy flippy flippy flippy again. Fucks sake.

Ref bump. Edge tries to cheat. Gets the title belt kicked in his face. Lita crushes RVD’s balls, and Edge follows up with an awesome DDT. BUT OH NOES THE REFEREE IS DEAD.

:lmao Edge spears a chair.

Five Star Frog Splash aka FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FLIPPY FINISHER and RVD retains.

Well this was… kinda shite. A fuck load of nothing happens, then just as things start to look up with Edge working the back, RVD makes a comeback almost straight away and fails to sell his back, his leg, or anything really. BULL. SHIT.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Kane Vs Imposter Kane

:lmao oh god I totally forgot this was on the show :lmao. What an AWFUL storyline that was dropped harder than Bart Gunn at WrestleMania XV.

Festus is actually a pretty good fake Kane, in terms of acting like Kane. They should have gotten Kevin Nash to play the imposter Kane 8*D.

The crowd are as dead for this match as they were for Undertaker Vs Underfaker at SummerSlam in 94 :lmao.

Damn, was just reading that Kane was supposed to win the WHC on May 19th, but due to his commitments with the See No Evil movie, he actually requested that the plans would be changed! So instead of Kane being WHC, we got this angle :lmao.

What the FUCK was that? Kane tried to kinda superplex the imposter Kane, but it was more of a superplex combined with a back body drop lol. Looked fucking great tbh, but definitely seemed botched :p.

IMPOSTER KANE CATCHES KANE OFF THE ROPES~! CHOKESLAM~! IMPOSTER KANE JUST WON!!! :lmao

Honestly, this isn’t as bad as I remembered. They have a pretty good big man brawl. Crowd couldn’t have cared less, but meh, fuck them. Nothing special, but I don’t regret watching it.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

John Cena Vs Sabu – Extreme Lumberjack Match

Stuff happens. Yawn.

Cena is in control, then notices the Lumberjacks and fighting and… fucks off to the outside to join them instead of TRYING TO WIN THE MATCH. Fucking retard. Sabu throws a chair in his face to knock some sense into him.

Cena is set up on a table, but BIG VIS throws all the ECW guys away giving Cena chance to move and deck Sabu with a singapore cane.

:lmao F-U over the ropes to the table, but Sabu only cracks part of the table and possibly injured his back. STFU and Sabu taps out.

My god this was a giant load of fuck all. I’ve seen better TNA matches in 2014 than this shite. Wait… not sure about that. Anyway, the point it, this sucks.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

DX Vs The Spirit Squad

:lmao what a PPV main event!!! 2 old men pretending to be 20 and a group of male cheerleaders!

MITCH IS BEATING UP SHAWN MICHAELS!!! Who the fuck was Mitch again?

:lmao Johnny gets his nose buster open, and puts on a headband and stars acting like he’s a martial arts expert. Shawn is terrified so he tags HHH in… WHO PUNCHES HIM IN THE NOSE :lmao.

:lmao poor Johnny. Punched in his busted nose. Balls smashed into the ring post, and his legs wrapped around the post too, causing him to be all wobbly legged :lmao.

:lmao it takes THREE Spirit Squad dudes to throw HHH into the ring steps.

CHAIR TO HBK’S FACE~!

:lmao TRAMPOLINE AIDED BULLDOG~!

:lmao HHH threw the trampoline at the Spirit Squad :lmao.

In the end, DX win.

This wasn’t bad or anything, but I kinda zoned out during the HBK FIP segment. Some funny moments spread throughout the match, but nothing that really kept me entertained throughout the whole thing.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 3

Judgment Day 2006 PPV Ramblings

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Judgment Day 2006

 

Huh, CM Punk’s soon to be theme is the PPV theme :p.

 

MNM Vs Brian Kendrick & Paul London – WWE Championship Match

:mark: what a way to kick off the show! Some great tag action and MELINA.

Oh man, MNM just fucking rule. Nitro shoulder blocks London down to the mat, and Mercury comes into the ring pretending to have a camera while Nitro poses :lmao.

Nitro got too cocky though, and ends up walking right into an ARM DRAG~! and gets double teamed before tagging out so Mercury can take a beating :p.

So Londrick have beaten MNM FIVE TIMES IN A ROW leading up to this match lol. How come it took so long to get a tag title match? Shouldn’t they have been like, in contention for the belts after the FIRST win? :p

MELINA SCREAMING :mark:.

MELINA HEAD SCISSORING LONDON. Lucky bastard.

SNAP SHOT~!

London shows up out of nowhere to break it up, and this great match is continuing :mark:.

MNM are pretty much ruling the world here. Great tag work; working over Kendrick, cutting him off, distracting the referee, making London distract the referee, and of course using MELINA too. When he isn’t screaming, anyway. MELINA IS A SCREAMA!

This part of the ramble is brought to you by Golden Wonder RINGOS, Salt & Vinegar flavour. BLOODY DELICIOUS. Om nom nom.

HOT TAG~!

:mark: London dropsaulted Nitro off the apron and landed on Mercury with the moonsault!

:lmao Melina broke up the pin by SCREAMING AT THE REFEREE :lmao.

Super hot finishing stretch, with London and Kendrick finally winning the tag titles!!!

This is what tag wrestling is all about. Everything you’d want from a tag match is here, except I would have added like 10 minutes onto it :side: :p.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MNM JUST BROKE UP AT THE END OF THE MATCH :(. Yeah, they get back together by the end of the year, but who the FUCK thought it would be a good idea to break them up? SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY ON TO COME UP WITH THAT? FUCK YOU, WHOEVER CAME UP WITH IT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AGAIN. THIS TIME WITH A SHARP POINTY STICK. I HATE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Chris Benoit Vs Finlay

OH FUCK YES :mark:.

I’m already in love with this match all over again after the first few minutes :mark:. The collar and elbow tie up spot, similar to Finlay/Regal at the GAB, then them getting face to face and Benoit quick as a fucking flash does a double leg takedown catching Finlay off guard, only for Finlay to still be able to counter because he’s fucking awesome :mark:.

Finlay starts slapping Benoit, which pisses him off, and even FINLAY tries to back away when Benoit fires back! A Terry Funk slap to Finlay (aka the hardest slap you’ll ever receive lol) and then knees and elbows to the face of the Irishman. Just hard hitting, snug, gritty shit and it’s AWESOME.

Love how both men are always doing something, be they in a hold trying to counter, or applying a hold trying to make it more painful or even turn it into something else (Benoit trying to change a headlock into a Crossface, for example). These two men don’t know the meaning of “rest hold”.

:lmao Finlay screams “YOU COUNT FASTER” at the referee and at first I thought he said “YOU CUNT FASTER” :p.

They go into an almost finishing stretch half way into the match, with Benoit missing the headbutt from the ropes, fighting back and then actually hitting it, but Finlay is too tough to be put down from just that and is able to regain control of the match due to the fact Benoit was hurting more than him.

:mark: Forearm shots to the back of Benoit, followed up with a massive club to the back of the head :mark:. This is the kind of hard hitting offence I love!

“COME ON BENOIT, SIT UP, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TOUGH I AM!”

No wonder Benoit went on a 4 month sabbatical not long after this match… surprised he didn’t need another neck surgery from those clotheslines by Finlay!

GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR~!

The little comeback attempts from Benoit throughout this match, and the cut off spots from Finlay are just tremendous btw. This ISN’T just a match where 2 guys stiff each other. Far, FAR from it. It’s just a beautiful wrestling match in every sense of the word. Even the fans are into the match, which for something like this is unfortunately unusual, but thankfully the fans here were able to appreciate how amazing this was.

CROSSFACE OUT OF NOWHERE~! Benoit battles to lock his hands together, and when he does, Finlay taps out immediately in the same way Regal would, which really puts over the Crossface if you can make someone like FINLAY or REGAL tap to it so fast. Also makes Finlay (and Regal) look smart by not wasting time in such a brutal hold.

:mark: THIS IS INCREDIBLE. I think I love it even more.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

 

Jillian Hall Vs Melina

:lmao this match is happening because they threw makeup at each other :lmao.

SUPERSTAR BILLY GRAHAM~!

Also, NOOOOOOOO to this match.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

JBL~! He’s cutting a promo on Rey, then spots Chavo and stops mid sentence to ask Chavo why he’s there :lmao. I often wonder the same thing when I see Chavo on a wrestling show… :p.

 

Gregory Helms Vs Super Crazy – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match

The show that keeps on giving! :mark:

Classic Tazz, confuses SUPER CRAZY WITH HELMS :lmao.

Crazy tries to catch Helms off guard from the get go with a bunch of roll up variations. Helms throws him out of the ring to gain some separation, but Crazy holds on to the ropes and swings right back in, sticks his tongue out and hits Helms again :lmao.

The referee stops Crazy from diving over the ropes, then when he turns to check on Helms who is on the floor, Crazy again sticks out his tongue and dives over the ref! Fun stuff :).

Helms seems to be overusing the damn headlock in this one, but in between those headlocks he’s throwing out awesome knee strikes to the head of Crazy :mark:.

Unlike some people though, his headlocks at least have purpose, as he does focus a hell of a lot on the head and neck of opponents in his matches. The headlocks, vicious variations of neckbreakers, and then knees and kicks to the head :mark:.

In the end, Helms uses the ropes and STEALS a win. Good match!

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

MELINA SLAPS TEDDY LONG~! HE FIRES HER! AND NITRO! So not only have MNM broken up on this show, but Melina and Nitro have been kicked off Smackdown :(.

 

They show a video package of Angle winning the KOTR back in 2006, then cut to Anthony Robles in the crowd, an amateur wrestler with 1 leg. COULD THIS BE THE WRESTLER JOHNNY ACE HIRED BY MISTAKE INSTEAD OF ZACK GOWEN?!?!

 

Kurt Angle Vs Mark Henry

Well their RR match at the start of the year was a fucking DUD, but I hear this one is actually pretty good so I’m gonna give it a chance. 2006 Henry was more HIT than miss anyway so I’m definitely hopeful :).

HENRY taking apart the announce table straight away, getting it ready to potentially SPLASH Kurt through it, something he’s been doing for the last couple of months!

:mark: heel promo from Henry :mark:. I wish he didn’t get injured as much. He was on a near Hall of Pain level run at the time.

Angle is injured coming into this match, and has to take the fight to Mark straight away in order to have any hopes of winning. Wisely going after the knee and taking advantage of the fact Henry isn’t the fastest guy around.

ANGLE TEASING A GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE~! Henry says no and doesn’t move. LOL.

Angle trying to take out the legs of Mark, and Mark is trying to gouge the eyes out of Angle. What is this, Game of Thrones? :p

FUCK ME ANGLE JUST GOT RUN OVER.

:lmao Angle has REVENGE written on his mouthpiece… which we clearly see as he’s screaming in pain during a modified Camel Clutch :p. I don’t think he’s getting his revenge just yet…

WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM COUNTERED INTO A DDT~!

GERMAN SUPLEX~!

The straps are down and Angle is building momentum!

ANGLE SLAM~!

HENRY KICKS OUT~!

:mark: Henry fucking EXPLODES with a clothesline and Angle is back on the mat hurting!

World’s Strongest Slam is almost missed thanks to a replay, and the crowd and commentators act like it was a standard move. Only HENRY puts over the fact Angle kicks out of his fucking FINISHER.

ANKLE LOCK~!

Henry POWERS out.

Teased splash through the table, but Angle moves… only to end up getting splashed into the fucking RING POST :mark:.

HENRY WINS BY COUNTOUT~!

Yup, this is worlds better than their awful, awful RR match. Henry looked like a fucking beast, and Angle did a (mostly) good job of selling his ribs, but during his comebacks he was seemingly able to feel no pain…

After the match, Angle fires back on Henry with a ton of chair shots, then grapevines the leg and makes Henry tap to the Ankle Lock! ANGLE SLAM ON THE TABLE~! :lmao it doesn’t break :lmao. CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD~! HENRY FALLS ON THE TABLE AND NOW IT FINALLY BREAKS :lmao.

Do they have a rematch on SD? Normally I’d be the guy to know the answer, but I don’t recall one. If it happened I probably skipped it during my SD 06 project, as it seems I skipped this match the first time around too.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Bobby Lashley Vs Booker T – King of the Ring Finals Match

Well it didn’t get its own PPV, but at least we DID get a KOTR tournament in 2006. They’ve done a few more on TV afterwards, so why can’t we get it every sodding year? A 3 hour Raw dedicated to it would be perfect, fairly sure that’s been done before.

I wonder if Booker had Sharmell scream KING BOOKER in bed after he won?

Can’t say I wanna sit through this. So I won’t.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

The Undertaker Vs The Great Khali

NO.

No I am NOT going to skip an Undertaker match, no matter what! :p

Undertaker keeps punching Khali in the fucking FACE, but Khali is unaffected and just keeps launching the Dead Man out of the ring!

Fans are going fucking INSANE as Undertaker sets up Old School! Then Khali ruins it with a slam. Stupid Khali.

Khali might be a giant oaf but Undertaker is bumping for his shit like the GOAT he is, and is selling the effects of the beating really well. Just wish by 2006 they’d have figured out that Undertaker is better when he ISN’T going up against monsters all the time…

CHOP TO THE HEAD~!

UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT~!

UNDERTAKER SITS UP~!

Damn, Khali is actually throwing out some big bombs in this one. Not often I remember seeing him actually PUNCH someone.

:lmao at Undertaker having to JUMP to headbutt Khali. Awesome.

OLD SCHOOL~!

JABS TO THE FACE~!

Khali will NOT go down!

Khali is trapped in the ropes! And well, Undertaker isn’t one for passing on the oppertunity to punch someone in the fucking face when they can’t defend themselves :p.

CHOP TO THE HEAD~!

KHALI PINS UNDERTAKER WITH ONE FOOT ON HIS CHEST. Holy FUCK.

This wasn’t actually bad. Didn’t last too long, so we didn’t get some typical rest hold shit from Khali like a Nerve Grip or something that bores me to tears. Instead we had Undertaker constantly trying to battle the giant while Khali keeps hitting Undertaker with basic, but hard hitting moves until he finally defeats the Dead Man.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Rey Mysterio Vs JBL – World Heavyweight Championship Match

How odd, they are still calling it the World HEAVYWEIGHT Championship at this point, even though they eventually dropped the heavyweight part for a while when Rey had it :p.

Cole keeps putting over Rey as the greatest underdog in the history of WWE. LOL. It’s obviously CENA :side:.

JBL tries to be the bully early on, but Rey kicks the fuck out of his legs then flies around and knocks JBL silly!!! I got knocked silly once. Never been the same since 8*D.

LOW BLOW TO JBL~! What a cheating bastard Rey is! I am disgusted that he is the World Champion! LET’S GO JBL!

Yey JBL boots the evil cheating foreigner in the face!

I’m hungry. Those RINGOS could only fill me for so long. No idea what I’m gonna have for tea.

JBL HITTING THREE AMIGOS~! Does them better than Chavo :lmao.

TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!!! Oh, no, sorry, JBL was mocking Eddie Guerrero. My bad :p.

JBL scares Rey’s wife to death :lmao.

TRIPLE CLOTHESLINES~!

Rey is bleeding through his mask which is a great visual. Why is the referee counting Rey out? This isn’t a fucking Last Man Standing match…

SLEEPER~! PUNCHES TO THE FACE WHILE APPLYING THE SLEEPER~!

Rey begins his comeback… but ends up jumping balls first into JBL’s boot! THE GOOD GUY GOT HIS REVENGE~!

619~!

THE EVIL MYSTERIO DIVES ON THE REFEREE! BOOOOOOO REY MYSTERIO BOOOOOOO.

POWERBOMB~!

Another referee shows up, but Mysterio somehow kicks out! I think it was a slow count, he was probably paid off by Mysterio. JBL agrees and decks the corrupt official!

REY USES A CHAIR~!

619 and SPLASH~!

REY RETAINS~!

Really good match :). First time I’ve seen it since probably 2006. I’ve never been able to sit through it any other time I’ve tried to watch it. Glad I was able to this time around!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 18

SummerSlam 2006 PPV Ramblings

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SummerSlam 2006

 

People tell me this isn’t an awful show… but oh my god the card ON PAPER appeals to me less than women with short hair. Aside from Foley/Flair. That’s a smoking hot red head with long hair and big tits. It’s the LITA of matches, I guess.

 

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero

Oh god we’re starting this thing off with fucking CHABO GERRADO. I want to turn the show off already.

D’awwwww, nice touching video package of Eddie and Rey’s friendship. They seem to have missed out those 4 or 5 months where Eddie wanted to destroy Rey and take his kid :side:.

“REY NOT SUCKING OFF ANYBODY” :lmao well done Cole.

They show a video package for Chavo and Eddie… and again miss out the HATRED~! part :lmao.

So, who loved Eddie more? Rey Mysterio, or Chavo Guerrero? There’s only one way to find out…

FIGHT~!

And that’s what they are doing! If they keep this up I might actually enjoy this match.

SPLAT~! That was Rey when he launched himself over the ropes and Chavo dodged. Rey looked to have fell about 8 feet at least! DAMN!

Mmmmm bacon sarnie. What a way to start the day!

Bah, Chavo teases a fucking POWERBOMB off the top rope to the FLOOR, but of course Rey counters, and we end up with that shitty “both guys jump off the ropes into the ring” spot that sucks. All that was missing was a table and it’d be a classic ECW moment :side:.

KEEP KHALI OFF TV sign :lmao. Remember when Undertaker/Khali LMS was supposed to be on this show? But WWE changed it to a SD match because they didn’t trust Khali on live PPV? :lmao

So this match quickly went downhill and turned boring. So much so, Vickie Guerrero runs down to the ring screaming NO! NO! and slaps Chavo for being so shit :lmao. That’s how I interpret it, anyway.

3 AMIGOS BY CHAVO BECAUSE HE HAS TO STEAL EDDIE’S MOVES TO GET A REACTION~!

3 AMIGOS BY REY AND THE FANS BOO HIM~! :lmao

:lmao Vickie tries to climb onto the apron, but grabs the ropes to help her and “accidentally” knocks Rey off the ropes :lmao.

BRAINBUSTER~!

FROG SPLASH~!

Chavo wins :lmao.

This had its moments but overall mostly bored me.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Oh god, Booker T and Edge backstage. They both claim to be the best champion or something. I don’t care. Nobody cares.

 

The Big Show Vs Sabu – ECW Championship Match

:lmao they show clips of the ladder match between RVD and Sabu that was for the #1 contendership here tonight. What a train wreck that match was :lmao.

So the ECW title is being called the ECW WORLD title. Once Show lost it I think it lost it’s importance with the company :p. Though titles do tend to do that when LASHLEY holds them 8*D.

Funny that Booker and Edge were arguing over who was the best champion, meanwhile the ACTUAL best world champion is right here! Big Show’s ECW reign > Edge & Booker T.

Sabu wasting no time here, just crushing Show with chair shots! But they do fuck all to the giant, and Sabu ends up getting tripped up and lands face first on the chair he set up :lmao. Show shows everyone just how useless a chair is against him by CRUSHING IT with his foot.

Fans: “WE WANT TABLES”

Big Show: “YOU’RE NOT GONNA GET EM!”

FUCK ME. Biggest Fall Away Slam EVER. Sabu cleared most of the ring and fell to the outside!!!

:lmao Sabu climbs the ropes with a chair… AND DROPS IT :lmao. The fans groan as he has to retrieve it to do the spot he wants to do :lmao.

BIG SHOW THROUGH A TABLE~!

:lmao Joey says we have 16,000 people chanting ECW… then the camera switches to a crowd shot with ONE GUY chanting ECW :lmao.

Holy shit, BIG SHOW ACTUALLY LANDED HIS SECOND ROPE SPLASH!!! That’s the equivalent of Flair coming off the ropes successfully!!!

:lmao Big Show puts a table across the steel steps as a platform… and Sabu runs over and jumps on it and… the table slides out from under him :lmao. I think I’m warming up to Sabu. His constant botches are fucking HILARIOUS :lmao.

DDT THROUGH THE TABLE~!

CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Big Show retains.

So this was actually really fun. Sure, Sabu is awful, but he’s hilariously bad more than anything :lmao.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

FAP FAP DIVAS BACKSTAGE~! They are all acting like complete bitches to Layla who just won the diva search. :lmao gotta love how even ASHLEY is snubbing her :lmao. Turns out they were just messing with her.

 

THEY ALL GET IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER AND SPANK LAYLA’S BARE ARSE~!

 

Hulk Hogan Vs Randy Orton

ORTON KNOWS BEST~!

:lmao at Orton having to RKO Hogan on a car so all he had to do was literally bend over slightly because he’s too damn old to take a real bump. MAE YOUNG AT LIKE 80 YEARS OLD TOOK AN RKO LIKE A FUCKING CHAMP.

TRISH SWALLOWS sign :lmao.

HOGAN CROTCH CHOPPING RIGHT IN ORTON’S FACE~! Oh man, Hogan totally should have joined DX :lmao. An OAP version of the original NWO :lmao.

Man, it’s weird seeing Hogan like this. He’s OLD… but he still has quite a bit of hair… and he just looks… strange :p.

So is Hogan the heel here? Because he’s raking the back of Orton, BITING HIS FACE, raking his eyes and just punching the shit out of poor Randy while ALSO threatening the referee!

HOLY SHIT HOGAN TOOK A BACK BUMP~! I was gonna make a joke about a drinking game based on back bumps taken by Hogan in this match that would leave you sober at the end… but he just took a flat back bump!!!

RKO~! He took an RKO too! It looked shit but he took one.

1…2…3!

Oh no Hogan’s leg was on the rope.

People shouldn’t hit finishers on Hogan. It just makes him HULK UP.

Why does nobody leave the ring and let Hogan calm down when he starts Hulking Up?

:lmao Orton has to sell a big boot for about a minute while Hogan panders to the crowd before actually hitting a Leg Drop :lmao.

Orton lost. LOL.

Yeah this wasn’t good.

Ha, it’s that fat fan with the giant Hogan tattoo on his back that was invited into the ring at Backlash 2005 after the HBK/Hogan tag match!

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

FAP FAP FAP MELINA. She uses reverse psychology on Foley to get him ready for the upcoming match.

 

Ric Flair Vs Mick Foley – I Quit Match

:mark: finally something I wanna see!

:mark: Foley going right after Flair’s FACE :mark:. Elbows, knees and even a trash can! Flair has a black eye, either from the build up to this match… or he got drunk and fell down in the bar the night before :p.

:mark: Flair’s selling. “OH GOD, ARGGGHHHH” :mark:

MR SOCKO~! That didn’t take long lol.

Foley gives Flair a chance to end the match now, but when he doesn’t, he says he gonna make him SUFFER. He wraps Mr Socko with barbed wire and…

TESTICULAR CLAW BY FLAIR~!

FLAIR STEALS BARBED WIRE SOCKO~! CHOPS WITH IT~!

:mark: Foley takes his signature knee bump into the ring steps and flips over and it looks better than probably ever!

This match was originally supposed to take place way back in 2004, but Flair made some unflattering comments towards Mick on an interview and Foley decided against working with someone who didn’t respect him.

FLAIR IS BLEEDING~!

So if Foley’s chest from those barbed wire chops. I watched TNA Hardcore Justice 2014 last week and Abyss got hit in the STOMACH with a 2×4 with NAILS STICKING OUT and there wasn’t a drop of blood in sight :lmao.

BARBED WIRE BOARD TO THE FACE OF FLAIR~!

Crazy to think that Flair hated Foley for being a “glorified stuntman” yet is more than willing to have a match like this :p.

THUMBTACKS~!

I really wanna check out their TNA Last Man Standing match again now too. Though I always say I wanna check out certain matches when I write these and I NEVER DO :lmao.

BARBIE~!

Flair has officially gone into Crazy Old Man mode and is beating the SHIT out of Foley with Barbie!!! :mark:

We had a fucking ECW TITLE MATCH FEATURING SABU on this card and yet the Flair match is the most violent thing we get :p. TAKE THAT, ECW!

Foley takes a bump off the apron and cracks his skull on the floor! Melina and a trainer come down to help and tell the referee he can’t continue! But Flair gets on the mic and says this isn’t a “LAY DOWN ON YOUR ASS MATCH” and demands Foley continue!!! :mark:

I’LL KILL YOU TOO YOU LITTLE BITCH~! :lmao

BARBED WIRE TO FOLEY’S EYE~!

MELINA THROWS IN THE TOWEL! But Flair doesn’t accept that!

Foley finally quits when Flair threatens to hit Melina with Barbie!

Good GOD is this an awesome, brutal, bloody brawl! HATE~! all the fucking way! :mark:

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Booker T Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

:(

You know how people say wrestling is like dancing when it looks fake as hell? Well, Booker T and Batista were just dancing :lmao. Clothesline > Duck the clothesline > clothesline > duck the clothesline > spin kick > catch the kick. Looked about as real as the wwe diva’s tits.

JBL terrifies me by saying this match could go 30 minutes :|.

Damn, they’re actually acknowledging the fight they had at the SummerSlam photo shoot! Everyone always says Booker T kicked Batista’s ass, yet Finlay on his 2006 Timeline shoot said that was a load of bollacks. Finlay doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would lie, so fuck knows what actually happened.

:lmao the crowd cheered for Batista because it looked like he was gonna do a Batista Bomb… but instead did a suplex and they booed the fuck out of him :lmao.

Sharmell jumps on Batista as he tries to hit a Batista Bomb, and Booker gets DQ’d :lmao.

This was awful.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

DX are talking to someone that we don’t see. They tell the mystery person that Vince called Umaga the biggest, baddest and best MONSTER in WWE. Bet you can’t figure out who they were talking to :side:.

 

Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Vince & Shane McMahon

I swear they showed the same video with different music for all the DX Vs McMahon matches in 06. There is that one clip of DX in the production truck and they switch to “camera 10” where we see Vince piss on The Coach. WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A CAMERA IN THE MALE TOILETS?!?! :|

So Vince and Shane ain’t tough enough to fight DX on their own… THEY NEED MALE CHEERLEADERS TO HELP~!

:lmao DX buries them in seconds.

Oh look, that isn’t all! Mr Kennedy, REGAL AND FINLAY :mark:. Finlay is fucking killing everyone :mark:. Aaaand then DX of course win the 3 on 2 battle. Right after taking out 5 guys at once…

THE BIG SHOW~! Shouldn’t they have just like, sent EVERYONE AT ONCE from the start? Rather than giving DX a chance to fight them all individually basically?

Yey everyone has recovered and are attacking DX :mark:. Except the Spirit Squad who… seem to have literally disappeared. WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO?!?!

The Smackdown stars are laying the SMACKDOWN on HHH on the floor. Get it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

CHOKESLAM TO HHH THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~!

And now the McMahon’s come down to the ring and maybe the match can ACTUALLY START now? :p

Guess I should forget everything that just happened, don’t wanna base my rating on things that don’t count 8*D.

:lmao worst clothesline every by Vince.

Lol, JR calls Shane the Heir-apparent to WWE. Meanwhile the REAL Heir-apparent lays motionless on the floor after being chokeslammed through a table…

Poor Shane. At least he’s out on his own and doing really well for himself. Fuck the WWE, he don’t need it! That being said, I do wonder how things would be in the company right now if SHANE had the power HHH currently has. Now that’s an alternate time line I wanna visit!

:lmao HHH tries to get back in the ring, so Shane baseball slides him, and HHH launches over the Raw announce table and lands on JR, who just throws him off to the floor :lmao. And then acts all concerned and says he needs medical attention :p.

:mark: Vince and Shane doing tag team finishers from the past :mark:. DEMOLITION~! HART FOUNDATION~! LOD~!

:lmao HBK kicks out after taking all 3. Way to bury all those old tag teams!

HBK starts to make a comeback after taking all that punishment, and makes the hot tag to a guy who has been dead for the entire match thus far :lmao.

Fuck me what have I been eating? I just farted and good god I nearly choked!

Oh hey Umaga has shown up. SAMOAN SPIKE TO THE GAME~!

Before he can do any more damage though, KANE shows up. Because DUH he was the person DX talked to earlier.

SHANE SETTING UP COAST TO COAST WITH A TRASH CAN~!

SUPERKICK~! HBK intercepts Shane with a fucking SUPERKICK~!

SUPERKICK INTO A PEDIGREE TO VINCE~!

DX win.

This was a ton of the fun. The stuff before the match and everything during the match. Me likey long time.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Edge Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match – If Edge Is DQ’d, He Loses The Title

Bah, I really don’t wanna watch this. Cena in 06 was mostly miss, and Edge wasn’t that great either most of the time. Together? Never liked their chemistry.

LITA FAP FAP FAP how the fuck do her tits stay in her top? I mean seriously? Does she tape them in place? Velcro? I WANNA KNOW.

:lmao at the lame “IF EDGE WINS WE RIOT” sign, meanwhile the rest of the crowd are chanting CENA SUCKS :p.

Best part of this is that we are in BOSTON, basically Cena’s hometown :lmao. EVEN THEY HATE HIM~!

Interesting things that have happened so far: 0. And we only have 5 minutes of the show left.

It hasn’t been some awful pile of turd like Batista/Booker though. It’s just been a match. That was there. And happened. With stuff. 2 jobbers on Superstars could do almost the exact same match and nobody would care.

LITA THREATENS TO HIT CENA WITH THE TITLE SO EDGE CAN ESCAPE THE STFU, BUT EDGE TELLS HER NO BECAUSE IF HE GETS DQ’D HE LOSES THE BELT~!

So if Edge can’t get DQ’d, how is he gonna win? With Brass Knucks, apparently :lmao. BECAUSE THOSE ARE LEGAL~!

F-U to Lita. Fuck me, Cena is a CUNT.

BRASS KNUCKS TO THE FACE~! EDGE WINS. HA.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 9

WrestleMania 31 PPV Ramble

wm
WrestleMania 31

IT’S WRESTLEMANIA PLAY BUTTON!!! Actually gonna watch/ramble on the pre-show matches this time too. First time ever I think. I normally don’t even bother watching it lol. BUT, the official CAL SCALE score for WM will go by JUST the actual WM matches. I’ll probably show both at the end though.

 

Cesaro & Tyson Kidd Vs Los Matadores Vs The Usos Vs The New Day – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Cesaro and Kidd are accompanied to the ring by NATTIE’S TITS. Holy Jebus lol.

Cesaro and Kofi start off, then one of the Los Matadores tags himself in, so Cesaro leaves and… takes out an Uso :lmao. Apparently he was already injured coming into the match so, that explains that :p.

How AWFUL is the current “tag division” right now? This is what we’re stuck with.

:lmao Woods is on the outside trying to motivate Kofi by smacking on the ring apron, and the fans are chanting “New. Day sucks!” to the beat :lmao.

SUPERKICKS~! Guess he has to do more than usual since he’s on his own now (Jimmy Uso, obviously). Though fuck knows what he’s gonna do for the rest of the match since he’s used up his whole 1 move.

:lmao as I wrote that… HE HIT ANOTHER SUPERKICK :lmao. He has quite literally RUN OUT OF MOVES :lmao.

Thought they were gonna do a lame as fuck tower of doom spot because apparently when you have more than just 2 tag teams in a match, that spot MUST be done. It’s like, mandatory. They’d probably get fined if they didn’t do it. Instead, they change things up and everyone does their own little spot and it’s somewhat fun :).

SHARPSHOOTER TO THE MIDGET BULL~!

:lmao Los Matadores do a switch twin spot, but the referee can apparently tell the difference between them and refuses to count :lmao.

:lmao MOAR SUPERKICKS~!

EVERYONE EXCEPT CESARO HAS HIT A SUPERKICK AT LEAST ONCE IN THIS MATCH :lmao.

Oh hey, here’s the tower of doom spot. Told ya they’d get fined if they didn’t do it.

Well, thankfully Cesaro and Kidd retain the titles. Best choice because everyone else is just awful.

Some fun stuff here… but I’m glad it was on the pre-show and not the proper show because it was just a spotty move-fest and nothing else.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

 

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

AXELMANIA is… eliminated first. By everyone. Didn’t see that coming…

Is that KENTA in the match (I forget what his NXT name is, hence me not using it. I’m not one of those people who refuses to call someone by their new name or anything lame :side: )?

ITAMI. There we go. Thanks Cole. He won some tournament over WM weekend.

HOLY FUCK JBL FINALLY SPEAKS SENSE. He actually said that Big Show is NOT a favourite because despite his size, he has NEVER WON A BATTLE ROYAL. About time someone brought that up.

HOW DID ALEX RILEY GET IN THIS MATCH??!? :lmao

:lmao Ryder eliminated like a jobber by Bo Dallas who runs around the ring screaming “I DID IT”, gets back in the ring, and gets kicked out by Itami.

BIG SHOW VS KENTA :mark:. That could actually be a good match. Show as the monster heel, and Itami working as the underdog. Kinda like how he did against TENRYU that one time. At least, so I’ve heard. Don’t think I’ve ever seen the match myself.

Well, there goes Itami. And a bunch of other people.

HENRY IS ELIMINATED… by who? The fucking Ascension? What a load of shit.

Well guess my prediction of SHEAMUS winning this thing ain’t happening unless he’s allowed to show up at the end :p. So he’s most likely, apparently, to interfere in the ladder match? God I hope he doesn’t cost Bryan the IC title.

:lmao didn’t even realise Swagger was in this match :lmao. First time I’ve seen him, and he was sat in the corner hiding before getting eliminated :lmao. THANKS FOR COMING.

:mark: BIG SHOW HANGING ON LIKE RR 2009 :mark:. He fucking MURDERS The New Day and single handily eliminates them :mark:.

:lmao Cole doesn’t know which Uso is which. He claims Jimmy got hurt earlier, so Jay is the one in the ring. Then realises it was Jay that got hurt.

Ahhh shit, Goldust is gone :(.

Oh hey Kane is here. The fuck has he been hiding? And how does someone that big hide?

Cesaro eliminates Kane in the same way he beat Big Show last year. Then he sets his sights on doing it to Show again :mark:. Maybe Cesaro can win it again and actually benefit from it this year? :p

Nah, Cesaro is gone. Actually, losing might help him more than winning :lmao.

THE FINAL 3. Big Show Vs Miz and Mizdow. Oh god Mizdow is winning, isn’t he?

At least it seems like Mizdow is turning on Miz for good. When they split up and have their little feud, I want Jiz to become the Marty Jannetty of their team. Same for Sandow tbh. Fuck em both.

I like how Big Show just stands in the corner for like 5 minutes while Jiz and Sandow argue.

MIZ IS ELIMINATED BY SANDOW~!

Big Show wants a hug. Sandow attacks him instead. What a cunt. He’s probably gonna make Big Show cry now. Just what we need…

:lmao gotta say though, this is one of the more fun finishing stretches for a battle royal. Some fun teased eliminations including Sandow biting Show’s hand when he tries to hold on to the ropes :lmao.

IT’S BENOIDOW~! He tries to use the same tactic as Benoit from the 04 RR. And then gets eliminated.

HOLY SHIT BIG SHOW ACTUALLY WON. HE’S MADE HIS (FAKE) DADDY PROUD~!

Well I enjoyed this :).

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

Bad News Barrett Vs Dean Ambrose Vs Daniel Bryan Vs Stardust Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs R-Truth Vs Luke Harper – WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Daniel Bryan opens yet another WM. I just hope Sheamus doesn’t fuck him over like he did a couple of years ago :side:.

So APPARENTLY the reason Bryan isn’t being pushed in the main event scene since his return is because WWE aren’t sure on the condition of his neck still. It could just be a short term fix, similar to what Angle kept having for years. So their solution? PUT HIM IN A LADDER MATCH~! *FACE. PALM.*

Right, time to get this clusterfuck match out of the way. I just hope nobody gets seriously hurt, and they can try and give us something more than SPOTS~!

30 seconds into this match and everyone is diving over the ropes onto everyone else. *sigh*

I think Ziggler just landed on a ladder balls first. Not sure if I should laugh at him or feel sorry for him.

:lmao

I laughed.

Stardust has his own glitter ladder. Bad News Barrett breaks it and beats the fuck out of Stardust with a broken rung :lmao. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that in a ladder match :).

Urgh, that fucking “swing the ladder” spot. Harper set the ladder up for that BEFORE ANYONE ELSE WAS EVEN IN THE RING. So he was basically waiting and hoping everyone else would run in at him so the spot would work. I. HATE. LADDER. MATCHES.

Oh look, a ladder set up in the ring NOWHERE NEAR THE BELT. Bet that won’t be used for a spot.

OMG SHOCK IT WAS USED FOR A SPOT.

Well, Ambrose just killed the Jawbreaker Lariat. Two AWFUL set ups and executions.

Well, Ambrose just died. Powerbomb out of the ring through a ladder that was… set up for that spot at some point in time.

Is Harper bleeding or is his tank top just in character by being dirty? Can’t get a good enough look at him to find out :lmao.

Where is Bryan? I don’t remember the last time I saw him.

Oh there he is. He just got knocked off the ladder. Bet that’s good for his neck!

KNEE TO BARRETT’S FACE~! Should be an improvement.

Ziggler and Bryan battling on top of the ladder. God, if Ziggler wins this then I’ll… I’LL COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET.

A bazzillion headbutts later and Bryan wins. At least the match did one thing right.

Didn’t like this at all. Garbage. Fucking garbage.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Seth Rollins Vs Randy Orton

So are they getting all the old Shield members out of the way early on so when Reigns comes out for the main event, nobody remembers how much better they were than him? :p

Seth tried to kill Orton 4 months ago. Orton returned, pretended to be friends then tried to murder Seth. And this match starts like any other basic match from Raw and SD. Well done you morons.

Did… did Orton just no sell the turnbuckle powerbomb? Or was he meant to like, counter it?

DOUBLE APRON DDT TO J&J. Randy has showed more aggression towards the security than Seth. Does nobody know how to have a fucking FIGHT any more? This should be a BLOOD FEUD. Only without the blood because PG and whatnot. But still. LOOK LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER DAMMIT.

I’m bored. THIS IS FUCKING BORING. I know I’m not a wrestler. I’ve never been in the ring. I’ve not done any training. I’m a fan. I’m a “smark”. I talk about wrestling on the internet. So my opinion on the matter means less than dog shit to actual wrestlers. But even so, I just want to say to Seth and Randy… YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. Sorry, but I could put together a better match than this. For starters it would make sense given the build up and feud going into the match. Hmmm… I wonder how much is their fault and how much is the agent’s fault? Either way, whoever put this match together should have simply said “FUCKING FIGHT”. That’s what this match needed to be and SHOULD have been. Instead it’s a cold match we would expect to see on Raw for no real reason.

DID YOU KNOW? We’ve had a Superkick in EVERY MATCH so far tonight. Both pre-show matches, and now both main card matches.

RKO~! I’ll be honest, I thought the match was ending there. Would have been a random and flat ending to what so far has been a random and flat match. Instead, 2 matches into the show, and we have a finisher kick out. Not sure which is worse. Kicking out of a finisher this early into the show, or if the match would have ended there while the match was still dull and flat.

CURBSTOMP~! And now Orton kicks out. Can we BAN finisher kick outs please? PLEASE?

Well. That RKO was actually fucking AWESOME.

bloggif_55195118a1334

Meanwhile, the rest of the match was SHIT.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Triple H Vs Sting

:lmao this is happening now? Well, better for Sting to have his entrance in the day time than Undertaker :p. Though HHH’s entrance could probably have done with being in the dark too. Guess we’ll see. He’s gonna be THE TERMINATOR apparently. I hope Sting brings out ROBOCOP.

:lmao WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT FOR STING’S ENTRANCE? :lmao

Ok, come on HHH. I don’t like you, and you don’t like me, but your entrance at least has potential to be good :).

:mark: A BUNCH OF TERMINATORS ON STAGE :mark:. STING HAS BEEN MARKED FOR TERMINATION :mark:. TERMINATOR THEME :mark:

:lmao it started off good and then… HHH appeared :lmao.

Capture
:lmao that just looks SHIT :lmao.

I was expecting him to come out like, in the leather jacket and shit like Arnie, not like THAT :lmao.

Gotta love how HHH essentially got a face entrance. WHO CAN BOO THE FUCKING TERMINATOR?!?! WCW just got buried again 8*D.

Ok, let’s see if this match is gonna be good or a trainwreck. PLEASE don’t be a trainwreck. I WANT this to be good. PLEASE BE GOOD.

Sting looks in shape. For Sting.

CROTCH CHOP to Sting. And once again HHH getting a pop from the crowd. LOL. HE’S A GREAT HEEL.

:lmao a “you still got it” chant towards Sting :lmao.

Ya know, I never thought I’d get the chance to shit on STING during a WWE PPV Ramble :). Feels… good :).

Sting’s face is already starting to fade away. Sting looks KNACKERED already. He’s old so he gets a bit of a pass. But he’s also Sting so he doesn’t get that much of a pass from me 8*D.

STINGER SPLASH~! HHH MOVED~! STING SPLASHED THE BARRICADE~!

Sting can lay around on the floor for most of the match now while HHH beats him down. Awww, HHH doing something nice for the OAP :).

:lmao great camera shot. Sting with half his face paint worn away, and a big bald spot on top of his head, as he’s on the floor at HHH’s feet.

REST HOLD~! Sting has never been so happy in his life.

SCORPION DEATH LOCK~!

DX MUSIC~!

ROAD DOGG, BILLY GUNN AND X-PAC~!

THIS IS A NO DQ MATCH~! WHY AM I ONLY FINDING THIS OUT NOW?

OH SHIT STING JUMPED OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO DX ON THE FLOOR~!

OLD MEN EVERYWHERE~!

PEDIGREE~!

And of course Sting kicks out. Gotta have DEM FINISHER KICK OUTS.

Hai Sledgy the Sledgehammer :).

THE NWO~!

Are… are they here to help Sting? Or destroy Sting? Didn’t they hate Sting and WCW?

:lmao DX Vs NWO :lmao.

STING FROM BEHIND~! SCORPION DEATH DROP~!

:lmao HHH kicks out :lmao.

:lmao the NWO are actually here to help Sting :lmao.

Scorpion Death Lock applied. HHH reaches for the Sledgehammer, but Hogan drags it out of the ring. And then DX and NWO get into it again. HALL TAKES A BACK BODY DROP ON THE FLOOR~! I think that might be the most impressive thing of the match so far lol.

So, where is HBK in all this? WE NEED A SUPERKICK TO KEEP THE STREAK GOING!!!

:lmao I swear I didn’t know that was coming, but SECONDS AFTER I WROTE THAT, HBK showed up and Superkicked Sting :lmao. EVERY MATCH SO FAR HAS HAD A SUPERKICK :lmao.

And of course Sting kicks out. FINISHING MOVES DON’T WORK AT WRESTLEMANIA.

BAT VS SLEDGEHAMMER~!

Bat wins.

STINGER SPLASH~!

STINGER SPLASH COUNTERED WITH SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE~!

HHH WINS~!

:lmao TRIPLE H WINS :lmao.

:lmao

:lmao

:lmao

This. Was. HILARIOUS. And not in a good way. An overbooked clusterfuck match with Sting and WCW once again getting buried :lmao. WHY DID STING AGREE TO THIS?!?! :lmao

THEN THEY SHAKE HANDS? WHAT? WHY? HOW? WHEN? WHERE? WHOSEIT? WHATSIT? WHAAA?

:lmao

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Bunch of IC champs of the past suck Bryan’s cock. Steamboat says the ladder match was up there with his match against Savage :lmao. Then Flair comes along to WOO and chop Steamboat :lmao. Bret Hart shows up. Then they all start chanting YES! :lmao. I don’t know if that was a good segment for Bryan or not lol.

 

Some apparent well known singers show up to do something. NEVER heard of any of them. Aaaaand skipping ahead :). I look forward to the DVD/Bluray release where they cut the segment out entirely :).

 

AJ Lee & Paige Vs Brie & Nikki Bella

Paige and AJ win.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

 

The HOF’ers for 2015 come out. OH MY GOD THAT ULTIMATE WARRIOR STATUE IS TERRIFYING. WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIS FACE?!?!

 

Rusev Vs John Cena – WWE United States Championship Match

:lmao big video package putting over DA US OF A which gets a great reaction from the fans. Then Cena follows it and gets booed and “John Cena Sucks” chants. Ahhh, gotta love it :).

Been a while since I watched Rocky IV. No idea why I thought of that :side:.

Fuck me, we’re barely 2 minutes into this match and we’ve already had Rusev standing over Cena with the Russian flag, and Cena going through his 5 moves of doom and teasing an AA. Surprised he didn’t hit it that early so we can have yet another finisher kick out at WM.

LET’S GO LANA chant :lmao.

This match has gone for last 5 minutes and they are wrestling it like they’ve already gone 20 and are having to go slow because they’re knackered.

SUPERKICK~! Shame the divas match didn’t have one of those.

YOU CAN’T BEAT ME JOHN CENA!!!

STF and… Lana randomly throws her show in the ring :lmao. The referee just kicks it out of the ring. Well, glad that happened…

What the… was that a… springboard Stunner?

Accolade locked in. The odds of Cena escaping? High. Very high.

Oh look, he did it. STF now. Looks painful. Gotta feel for Rusev in this hold, having to pretend it hurts even though it clearly looks like shit :p.

RUSEV JUST PLOUGHED INTO LANA~!

AA and Cena wins :lmao.

Fuck me, yet another boring shitty match at WM. Did everyone forget how to work a match? There was nothing to this. Just both men taking turns at hitting moves.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Almost seems like they are trying to kill time in hopes that it gets dark soon for Undertaker’s entrance :p. WM panel, pre-show clips, and then Steph and HHH cutting a promo in the ring. Gotta give it to HHH though, guy doesn’t look like he’s had any sort of match tonight. If only he didn’t. Just realised, no Sheamus yet. Is he gonna show up here? Seems like the right time. Though wasn’t he supposed to be a heel on his return? I don’t know any more. Guess he’ll show up on Raw. Urgh, Dwayne Johnson. Shouldn’t he be off filming FAST CARS AND EXPLOSIONS 23: THE SAME SHIT AS THE LAST 22?

 

:lmao they really ARE wasting time. Dwayne spends about 5 minutes on top of the ramp pacing up and down :lmao. And now he’s standing in the ring just hoping the fans will chant his name to kill even more time :lmao.

 

Doesn’t seem to be getting dark though. So this is a giant waste of time :lmao. This better not be setting up Rock Vs HHH for next year. HHH needs to stop putting himself in big feuds that nobody wants to see.

 

DID YOU KNOW? The Rock was born in the East Bay. Huh, I was born in a hospital.

 

OH MY GOD THIS SEGMENT SERIOUSLY IS NOT GOING TO END UNTIL IT GETS DARK. They just keep going on and on and on and on about absolutely NOTHING.

 

Rock stares down some… women… in the crowd. IT’S OVER 9000 t-shirt :mark:.

 

And yes, I know who she is. RONDA. I ain’t THAT out of touch when it comes to reality. I’ve seen her beat the shit out of women in like 20 seconds a few times. The fact she’s a DBZ fan interests me the most though :lmao. VEGETA~!

 

RONDA’S GONNA KILL YOU~!

 

They could have had the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal on the main card. But once again Rock takes up precious time with utter shit.

 

RONDA VS THE ROCK. I’d pay 9.99 for the Network for a month to see that match on PPV.

 

Why is HHH still there. HE’S DONE NOTHING FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES.

 

Aaaaand HHH is talking again. LET RONDA BEAT HIM UP. Bah, Rock attacks him instead. What a cunt. RONDA TAKES DOWN HHH :mark:. BREAK HIS ARM :mark:.

 

STEPHANIE VS RONDA~! Stephanie has officially lasted longer in the ring with Ronda than most trained MMM professionals 8*D.

 

This whole segment was POINTLESS. And boring. And shitty. And pointless. And shitty. And boring. And shitty. And pointless. And boring. And it’s still light, so it didn’t even do a good job wasting time :lmao.

 

The Undertaker Vs Bray Wyatt

:mark: THE RETURN OF THE UNDERTAKER :mark:.

Ummm… Bray? It’s light out still. WHY DO YOU HAVE A LANTERN? :p

FUCK ME WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?! ZOMBIE SCARECROWS. WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! *runs away screaming like a little girl… I MEAN LIKE A MAN*

I wonder if those are gonna replace the Druids when Bray takes over Undertaker’s role 8*D.

Well, here we go. UNDERTAKER TIME.

:lmao did we just hear the camera man coughing due to the smoke from ‘Taker’s entrance? :lmao

UNDERTAKER IS HERE :mark:.

Fuck me, he looks 10 years younger than he did last year lol. Must be the hair. He’s also dressed pretty similar to how he was when he returned at WM XX. Leather pants instead of his traditional wrestling tights.

:mark: UNDERTAKER.

BOOT TO THE FACE~! And here we go, the match is on!

OLD SCHOOL :mark:.

Well so far, other than being a little slower than 5 years ago, ‘Taker looks pretty damn FANTASTIC. No homo. Talking about his conditioning and ability to perform moves and take bumps.

APRON LEG DROP~!

:mark: SNAKE EYES. RUNNING BIG BOOT… COUNTERED WITH THAT CRAZY KAMIKAZE CROSS BODY THING HE DOES :mark:. Was hoping for that spot, but wasn’t sure if Undertaker would be in any condition to take the bump lol. Having Bray basically throw himself at you isn’t something to be taken lightly lol.

PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

… the fuck lol? Bray I *think* was trying to smash Undertaker’s skull into the ring post but… ended up just talking one of those classic Undertaker/Mankind knees first into the steel steps bump :lmao.

Undertaker is showing signs of not being what he once was, and Bray is methodically taking him apart and perhaps trying to take advantage of the fact last year Undertaker suffered the concussion.

HELLS GATE~! Wyatt counters with PUNCHES TO THE FACE~!

The difference between this year and last year though… is that Undertaker isn’t concussed. HE’S FUCKING PISSED. And sooner or later Bray is gonna find out just how different those things are :mark:.

SISTER ABIGAIL~! Undertaker counters with a Chokeslam :mark:.

TOMBSTONE~!

1…2… BRAY KICKS OUT. Well fuck me. Not the big shocking moment like WM 25 with HBK, but I gotta say, I didn’t expect Bray to kick out of the Tombstone.

:lmao Undertaker’s face looks more like a confused old man than the awesome “what the fuck?” face he did at WM 25 :p. He was more “HUH? DID WE PLAN THAT? WASN’T THAT THE FINISH? WHERE AM I AGAIN?” :p.

BRAY COUNTERS A TOMBSTONE INTO SISTER ABIGAIL~!

Yet another finisher kick out to add to the ever growing list of finisher kickouts on this show lol.

:mark: yes, another spot that everyone wanted to see in the match happen has happened :mark:. Spider Bray walks into SIT UP Undertaker :mark:. Even Bray shat himself!!!

The Dead Man ain’t DEAD yet, he wants Bray to bring it to him even more :mark:. If Bray wants to be the new FACE OF FEAR he’s quite literally going to have to go through Undertaker.

Bray looks to end it with a second Sister Abigail, but Undertaker counters with a second Tombstone and this time Bray stays down!

THE UNDERTAKER HAS RISEN AND IS STILL GOING STONG~!

An enjoyable match :). Nothing amazing, but Undertaker looked great, Bray was good, and they put on a nice little match. Finally, with one match left, WM 31 gets some CAL SCALE points :lmao.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

Brock Lesnar Vs Roman Reigns – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match

I CAN. I WILL. Yeah ok.

Yes, Heyman announcing Lesnar :mark:. Nobody does it better!

Ok, off to a great start :mark:. They charge at each other, Lesnar picks up Roman like a nobody, smashes him into the corner, hits a German Suplex and then an F-5!!! But Lesnar is bleeding from a punch it seems, and well, I guess he doesn’t want this match to end any time soon :mark:.

I think like most people, I wasn’t REALLY expecting much from this match… however right now they are doing exactly what I would have HOPED they would do for the match to at least try and make it entertaining. And they aren’t just TRYING, they are DOING.

Lesnar is just a fucking BEAST. I don’t think any nickname has ever suited a wrestler more than Lesnar being known as a BEAST. He’s fucking toying with Reigns. Despite the fact one side of his face has put on weight due to swelling lol. It’s like he doesn’t even notice it. BROCK should have been the one to come out at the fucking Terminator. Hell, that should be the next film. BROCK VS THE TERMINATOR. I’d still pick Brock to win. He’d rip apart any fucking Cyborg in his path.

:mark: those fucking KNEES TO THE FACE :mark:. So glad Lesnar resigned for THREE YEARS. Kinda hope he has more dates on his contract this time though, because I need more BROCK in my life beating the shit out of people.

Reigns stiffing the shit out of Lesnar now :mark:. And Lesnar fucking CREAMS HIM :mark:.

Gotta give it to Reigns here too. He’s taking the beating of his fucking life, but he keeps getting up and keeps coming back for more. Shame the fans turned on him because this would be a great babyface performance if the crowd were on his side lol.

F-5~! And Reigns kicks out! Now, how much better would that have been had we not had a million finisher kick outs before this match? Undertaker/Bray could have kept theirs in, but even still, THAT should have been the first finisher kick out of the show tbh.

Reigns is fucking LAUGHING :mark:. He’s talking smack to Lesnar while taking a beating :mark:. He’s pissing Lesnar off, but he’s still hanging in there!!!

Third F-5 of the match and again Roman kicks out! This time Lesnar isn’t happy. And well, that’s BAD for Roman.

LESNAR GETS HIS FACE SMASHED INTO THE RING POST~! LESNAR IS DRIPPING WITH BLOOD~! THINGS ARE PICKING UP :mark:.

Reigns needs to take advantage of this because he might not get another chance quite like this one.

SUPERMAN PUNCH~!

LESNAR DOESN’T GO DOWN :marK:.

A SECOND SUPERMAN PUNCH~!

LESNAR ONLY GOES DOWN ON ONE KNEE :mark:.

Lesnar catches a third attempt and tries to German Suplex him, but ends up taking yet another SUPERMAN PUNCH~!

SPEAR~!

LESNAR IS BACK UP~!

SPEAR~!

KICK OUT~!

YES! YES! YES! YES!

LESNAR WILL NOT DIE~!

:mark:

SUPERMAN PUNCH COUNTERED INTO ANOTHER F-5~!

Both men are down and… SETH ROLLINS IS ABOUT TO CASH IN!!! OH SHIT!

So is this now a triple threat? Yup! :mark:

Oh wait… does this mean they’re gonna have Lesnar beat Rollins, allowing Reigns ot not win the title but technically not lose either? :lmao.

CURBSTOMP~!

CURBSTOMP COUNTERED INTO AN F-5 COUNTERED INTO A SPEAR~!

CURBSTOMP TO REIGNS AND… SETH ROLLINGS WINS THE TITLE! THE BELT IS OFF LESNAR WITHOUT LESNAR LOSING~! REIGNS DIDN’T WIN~!

Not sure I like how the belt was taken away from Lesnar, or that Seth is the champ now… but damn this was a great match! Blew my expectations out of the water, just wish Lesnar won.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 5
Overall CAL SCALE (with Pre-Show) – 6.5

New Years Revolution 2006 PPV Ramblings

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New Years Revolution 2006

 

Another Raw PPV from 06, and again I have to take the wrapping off :p.

 

Ric Flair Vs Edge – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Edge jumps Flair from behind because let’s face it, even at his age, Flair > Edge, so Edge needs all the advantages he can get.

Lita looks FAPING HOT.

:mark: Flair chases Lita and Lita runs and BOUNCES :mark:.

PUNCHES TO THE FACE~! Man, what a tough guy Edge is, beating up an old man.

They keep changing the camera to point at Lita :mark:.

How is the reverse Atomic Drop legal? They smash their opponent balls first onto their knee. Oh well, it’s only Edge’s balls. Ha, Flair follows it up by dropping Edge balls first onto the barricade. FLAIR IS WORKING THE BALLS OF EDGE~!

THUMB TO EDGE’S EYE~!

THUM TO LITA#S EYE~! Bet that isn’t the first time a guy has got something in Lita’s eye ;).

FLAIR SUCCESSFULLY COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE~!

LEG WORK SETTING UP TO THE FIGURE FOUR~!

flairlita

Figure Four to Lita :(.

MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE TO FLAIR’S SKULL~! Flair deserved it tbh…

:lmao Flair is bleeding of course.

So, Edge loses by DQ. Flair retains his title. It’s almost like Edge didn’t care about winning. Hmmm… I wonder why…

Match has some fun moments, nothing more.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – DUD

 

:lmao GOAT promo by Angle. Says he hopes the US loses the war in Iraq. Loves France. Hates black people. Wants to make Jesus tap out. Then goes on to say it doesn’t matter what he says, the people will cheer him anyway because he’s the greatest wrestler in the world.

 

Trish Stratus Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

:mark: one of my favourite women’s matches! And part of one of my favourite women’s angles! TRISH. MICKIE. LESBIAN~!

trishmickie

LITA in the first match and now TRISH AND MICKIE LESBIAN ANGLE in the second match? GOAT PPV RIGHT HERE~!

I miss Mickie and those mini-skirts.

Lol, any time Mickie counters Trish or gets the better of her in an exchange, she looks like the happiest person in the world :lmao.

:lmao Mickie escapes a headlock by grabbing Trish’s BOOB~!

Some good wrestling from these two women, showing they are more than just smoking hot babes :). Also some tremendous character work from Mickie, and Trish’s reactions to it all are great. Mickie isn’t full on psycho like she would be at WM, but she’s great at adding in bits here without going full on.

Fuck me, that was one hell of a punch exchange! They clobbered each other!

BICYCLE KICK~! Trish fucking DECKED Mickie with that!!!

Mickie decides to grab the women’s championship belt and seems to be thinking about using it or not. In the end she decides against it because she LOVES Trish or something :p.

Meanwhile Trish seems to be having a great time beating the absolute piss out of Mickie. NOBODY MAKES LESBIAN MOVES ON TRISH AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

SPINEBUSTER~!

KICK TO THE FACE~!

Mickie with Stratusfaction! But she savours the moment too long and Trish is able to kick out. Continuing to work her character into the match with how happy she looked that she was able to get the better of Trish. Then when Trish kicks out, Mickie shows signs of PSYCHO MICKIE.

CHICK KICK~! Trish manages to pick up the win in this extremely hard fought and fucking GREAT women’s match! Used to consider this better than their WM match. These days they are on the same level with STARS and shit, but I prefer the WM one over this ever so slightly. Still, it doesn’t get much better than this for women’s matches in WWE!

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

 

Maria is interviewing herself :lmao. Helms shows up. Then Shelton Benjamin arrives at the arena with his MOMMA despite the fact he doesn’t have a match. His MOMMA is here to make sure he DOES have a match!

 

Edge leaves LITA alone to do that WWE Instant Access thing they used to do (interviews on wwe.com after matches) because he has bigger things to deal with. Wonder what that could be…

 

Jerry Lawler Vs Gregory Helms

Almost skipped this match, thinking it was awful, then I remembered I was thinking of LAST YEAR’S NYR PPV when Lawler had a stinker with Hassan :p.

So Helms is no longer THE HURRICANE and wants to be a more serious wrestler and DEMANDS respect. Lawler ain’t giving it to him so Helms had to beat it out of him.

SLAP TO LAWLER~! So Lawler responds with PUNCHES TO THE FACE~! :mark:

I could watch Lawler punch people all damn day.

LAWLER WITH THE HURRICANE POSE~! Lol, might have had more of an impact had I not watched GAB recently with Matt Hardy doing the exact same thing :p.

Like the GAB match with Hardy, that Hurricane pose angers Helms and forces him to up his game and finally gain control of the match.

Helms is a good cocky heel here as he works over Lawler and even blocks an attempted counter, where Lawler tries to get his boot up to catch Helms coming off the ropes. Then when he sends Lawler into the ring post, he gets a headset and starts doing commentary! Helms > The Rock 8*D.

DOWN COMES THE STRAP~! LAWLER COMEBACK~! :mark:

Fuck me, HUGE pop when Lawler teases a Piledriver!!!

TOP ROPE FIST DROP~! LAWLER WINS! LAWLER WINS!!!

Actually a little baffled at the result of the match lol, but oh well :p. Good stuff. Helms was good during his work over period, and Lawler making a comeback is always great.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

 

LITA, TRISH AND MICKIE ALL TOGETHER BACKSTAGE FAP FAP FAP. HOT SWEATY BODIES~!

 

Aaaand then we switch over to Shelton’s MOMMA :lmao. She bends over, and Viscera makes a move :lmao.

 

Triple H Vs The Big Show

:mark: I’M EXCITED FOR A TRIPLE H MATCH!!!

So after what HHH did to Flair over the last few months, Big Show decides to do something about it. 2 months later :lmao. HHH smashes Show’s hand with a sledgehammer, but all it does is give Big Show a WEAPON as now he’s a 7 foot, 500lb giant with a hard CAST on his hand!!!

Dayum, Lillian looking FINE tonight! Even Joey Styles mentions it lol.

This is one of the reasons I LOVE wrestling. Why I have been watching it for over 20 years. Why no matter how bad the product gets, I’ll still go out of my way to watch certain people and certain matches. Show has a cast on his hand. And the entire match is worked around it. You have the tease and build up to Show using it as a weapon. HHH avoiding it. HHH trying to neutralise it. It’s the most simple form of storytelling, but when done right, it’s beautiful. It’s ART. Even guys I don’t always tend to like can still make me absolutely :mark: at a match when they do the simple stuff right. I don’t always care for HHH, but in the right situation against the right opponent, he can really work a match to perfection.

So early on, Show is just DOMINATING with nothing more than his POWER. HHH will occasionally hit the giant, but his shots are rendered useless, so he has to use his head and find openings anywhere he can.

BIG SHOW PUNCHES THE RING POST~! He swung his cast covered arm at HHH, but missed and instead his broken hand collided with the metal ring post, and even the cast isn’t enough to stop the pain. And THAT is the moment HHH was looking for!

HHH RIPS THE CAST OFF~! Now the weapon has been taken away from Big Show, and his broken hand is exposed! A smart wrestler would waste no time going after that injured hand, and HHH is definitely a smart wrestler!!!

I love when someone works over a body part, and does it well. Even better if it’s something more unusual. Everyone does the leg or the shoulder, occasionally the back, but when someone targets a smaller part like the hand, it’s usually pretty awesome.

Big Show goes for a chokeslam, but his broken hand won’t allow him!

REF BUMP~!

HHH BRINGS OUT THE SLEDGEHAMMER~!

BIG SHOW BREAKS THE SLEDGEHAMMER WITH A BROKEN FREAKIN’ HAND~!

THE GIANT IS UNSTOPPABLE~!

Big Show does a great job adapting his offense so he uses his broken hand as little as possible. And when he DOES use it he shows the effects of the injury, be it selling afterwards or simply not being able to do what he wanted.

STEEL CHAIR TO THE BROKEN HAND~! Well, his sledgehammer is broken so he might as well use the chair!

HHH comes at Show again with the chair and Show just fucking LAUNCHES himself at the game with a Spear!!! :mark:

Show tries a left handed chokeslam and… BROKEN SLEDGEHAMMER TO THE FACE~!

PEDIGREE~!

This one is OVER!

This. Fucking. Rules.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

 

Carlito makes Masters an offer he can’t refuse. Take out the other Elimination Chamber participants, then they can fight each other to see who becomes the new WWE Champion.

 

Shelton Benjamin Vs Viscera

Shelton’s MOMMA challenges Visera to a match with Shelton!

Shelton might be the superior athelete, but Viscera’s sheer size is too much for him to handle early on!

And time for some controversy… I was a big fan of the Shelton’s MOMMA angle! She was awesome on the outside cheering her “son” on and was always entertaining in backstage segments etc.

In typical “big man vs little man” fashion, Shelton targets the legs of his bigger opponent and is able to gain control. Shelton’s MOMMA is awesome on the outside shouting at Benjamin to break the leg of Viscera :lmao.

:lmao Shelton starts getting on the losing end of things, and his MOMMA stars shouting “DO I NEED TO GET THE BELT? GET UP! GET YO ASS UP!!!” and Shelton KEEPS GETTING UP :lmao. Now THAT is motivation!

BLACK HOLE SLAM BY VISCERA~! That move has a whole new meaning coming from him :side:.

VISAGRA~! “YOU GET OFF MY BOY!!!” :lmao

MISSED SPLASH~!

SHELTON’S MOMMA SMASHES VISCERA IN THE HEAD WITH HER HANDBAG~! KICK FROM SHELTON~! THIS ONE IS OVER!!!

Fun match!

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

 

HBK is confronted by Vinnie Mac, who wishes Shawn good luck! Obviously he doesn’t mean it because these two are feuding… or about to start feuding? I forget.

 

Maria Vs Ashley Vs Candice Michelle Vs Victoria Vs Torrie Wilson – Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match

Fap.

No.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

 

Shelton’s MOMMA reveals she had a BRICK in her handbag! Because you never know when you might need a brick. There was this one time, I needed a brick, but I didn’t have one.

 

John Cena Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Kurt Angle Vs Kane Vs Chris Masters Vs Carlito – WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match

Urgh. I hate this match. But it’s a main event for the title so I’ll suffer through it.

Lol, Kane talking smack to Carlito while both are locked inside their pods.

So we start off with Cena Vs HBK, which I guess is a good thing. Over a year later they’d have a pretty darn good WM main event and have had a few great matches following that too.

Cena just elbowed Shawn RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE. TWICE. First one looked brutal. So how does HBK respond? With a bitch slap :lmao. Then Cena PUNCHES Shawn in the face. LOL Shawn’s a pussy :p.

Bah, the two of them don’t really do anything worth writing about. Speaking of not doing anything worth writing about; Carlito is the next guy in. Fans pop for him though because he attacks Cena. Hitler would probably get cheered over Cena in the chamber :side:.

*puts some chicken dippers in the oven*

Angle is next out and he just runs into the match and fucking MURDERS everyone. SIX GERMAN SUPLEXES~! OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY TO HBK OVER THE ROPES TO THE STEEL~! GERMAN SUPLEX TO CARLITO OVER THE ROPES TO THE STEEL~!

Love him or hate him, Angle coming in and mauling everyone like that in a match like this is pretty darn sweet. Easily the most entertaining part of this match so far!

HBK IS BLEEDING~!

ANGLE IS DOMINATING~!

ANKLE LOCK ON CARLITO~!

MASTERS IS THE NEXT GUY OUT AND SAVES CARLITO~!

MASTERS IS DOMINATING~!

ANKLE LOCK ON MASTERS~!

NOBODY OUTSHINES ANGLE~!

ANKLE LOCK ON CENA~!

SUPERKICK TO ANGLE~!

Aaaaaand there goes the only fun part of this match :(.

Carlito and 2006 Chris Masters are in this match and KURT ANGLE is the first to be eliminated. Bullshit tbh.

Wonder how those dippers are coming along… damn, 6 minutes left :(.

Stuff happens. Kane is out last.

Yey dippers are ready :).

Carlito and Masters double team Kane enough to eliminate him.

Mmmmm chicken dippers rule!

HBK gets eliminated by Carlito :lmao.

Damn, ate all my dippers :(.

DDT TO CENA ON THE STEEL~! Guess he’s gunna pop back up and win the match now, if SummerSlam 2010 is anything to go by :side:.

Carlito tells Masters to put Cena in the Masterlock and be the one to eliminate the champ! And Carlito turns on him and pins him. Because he’s a retard. The moment he pins Masters, Cena pins him :lmao. Dumbshit.

This is booooring as fuck. Angle is the only entertaining thing and he was eliminated first.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

VINCE MCMAHON’S MUSIC!!! THE NIGHT IS NOT OVER!!! WHAT’S GOING ON!?!?!

 

John Cena Vs Edge – WWE Championship Match

EDGE IS CASHING IN HIS MONEY IN THE BANK!!! I guess THIS is the important thing he was talking about earlier :p. Either that or he had to pick up some new lingerie for Lita :D.

Cena is battered and bleeding, while Edge is fresh!

SPEAR~!

Cena kicks out :lmao.

SPEAR~!

EDGE WINS!

What a moment. Not because Edge won the WWE Title, but because Cena LOST the WWE Title!

Then 2 weeks later they killed Edge’s momentum completely :lmao.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

 

Overall CAL SCALE – 11