Author: Big Cal

One Night Stand Extreme Rules 2008

Just like Vengeance Night of Champions from 07, this PPV gets TWO names! Why? Because WHY NOT?

Jeff Hardy Vs Umaga – Falls Count Anywhere Match

I wonder if this is the match I seem to think it is. If it is, it has the dumbest finish ever, and a bunch of shit before it .

Umaga? SMASH!

Well, the seem to be battling away from the ring… which makes it likely to be the match I remember.

Jeff Hardy threw a fucking plastic traffic cone at Umaga, and Umaga just fires back with a kick to the face, because who the fuck would get hurt by that?

Oh god here it comes… Jeff slides down the stair rail and clotheslines Umaga. Just… no.

They spend some time throwing each other into walls and onto tables and it all looks like shit. It’s basically them slapping objects with their hands as they pretend to hit their head on shit.

Outside now, and yeah, it most definitely IS the match I was expecting.

That was the finish. And we are supposed to believe that Umaga fell on concrete and Hardy dove off onto him.

Hate everything about this.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

CM Punk Vs John Morrison Vs Chavo Guerrero Vs Tommy Dreamer Vs The Big Show – Spingapore Cane Match

YES! I forgot this match was on THIS show. If I don’t find it fun any more, then I truly do have no soul.

BIG SHOW VS THE WORLD . And the world is losing!!! Big Show totally rules in this kind of environment.

Everyone kicking the shit out of Big Show . In punk and Morrison’s case, it was quite literally KICKING .

With Big Show… kinda down, everyone else climbs the ropes and grabs a cane! 4 on 1 cane action!!!

Chabo decks… some sports dude in the crowd with a cane . Punk hands him a cane and lets him get some revenge on Chabo!!! I don’t know who the fuck that guy is, but he’s the most awesome sports guy ever for beating up Chabo! Well, not quite as awesome as Ricky Hatton when he knocked out Chabo at a Raw taping I went to .

The Jiz shows up to save Morrison from getting murdered by Show, and gets taken out . Show picks up the steel steps… but ends up going head first into them instead!

Everyone in the ring is trying to kill everyone else with a cane . My god this is so fucking fun. Even though I don’t like most of the guys in the match! Let’s face it, if you can’t have a fun match by hitting people with a stick then you suck at pro-wrestling.

FUCK ME Big Show has a HUGE gash in his head. I seem to remember that he legitimately fucked himself up on that steel steps spot. But it makes for great TV (or rather, PPV) so .

The giant is bleeding, and that’s BAD NEWS for everyone else cos he’s angry as fuck .

Bam Neely, that nobody who was with Chabo for a while, gets decked first. Jiz next. Then Morrison .

SPANKING CM PUNK LIKE A SCHOOL BOY~! I don’t even wanna ask where that came from, Adamle…

EVERYONE IS DEAD~! Big Show is awesome.

Dreamer gets chokeslammed, then Show helps him to his feet again and applauds… then grabs a cane, smiles, and cracks Tommy in the head . The Big Show doesn’t just win this match, he DOMINATES it .

Better than every original ECW match ever.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

JBL Vs John Cena – First Blood Match

Huh, totally don’t remember this match ever existing. I remember their I Quit match in 05, and their parking lot brawl from the 08 GAB… but this? No idea.

Match starts with both men exposing… a turnbuckle .

First blood matches are kinda dumb really, aren’t they? Like, in real life, a couple of punches to the face at most and the other guy is gonna be busted wide open .

what the fuck??!

JBL is concentrating on Cena’s head, which is pretty much what everyone does in these types of matches. Nice punches from John, and love his BIG BOOT .

Watching JBL hit Cena in the head can only be fun for so long before it gets… boring. Then Cena makes a small comeback and tries… an F-U. Because THAT will bust Cena open… fecking moron.

Fuck me. Cena gets the chance to take a break and get a weapon to aid him… and what does he get? Steel chair? Metal pipe? NOPE. A fucking microphone. Dumbshit.

EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE~! Aaaand it fails to bust Cena open. Ah well. What a waste of time.

JBL goes for a Clothesline from Hell. THAT ISN’T GOING TO WIN YOU THE MATCH YOU BLEB.

Now, a steel chain wrapped in his towel that he brings to the ring? That’ll work! Though why hide it? Why wait until now to use it?

F-U~! And somehow JBL ISN’T BLEEDING. I’m shocked. And I know all of you are too.

now JBL has a fucking BULL WHIP . And instead of using it, what does JBL do? Walks over to Cena and gets close enough to be kneed in the balls.

STFU WITH THE CHAIN~! Referee rings the bell and at first I thought he got confused but apparently JBL is bleeding from the mouth.

I think I need to be hit in the head with a metal object so I forget this match.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Batista and Orton are backstage talking. Orton is trying to convince Batista to join him should they both get drafted to the same show in a few weeks. Batista just walks off .

Beth Phoenix Vs Melina – I Quit Match

A diva I Quit match? Huh. I think I’ll give this one a go, see what it’s like.

one of Melina’s paparazzi falls over .

Beth gets in Melina’s face at the start to try and intimidate her, so Melina shoves her away and locks in a guillotine choke submission! She ain’t going down easy (this time, anyway )!!!

Beth powers the fuck out of the submission though and now she’s starting to work over Melina .

Melina keeps fighting back and locks in an awesome submission that I can’t remember the name of . Beth just looks fucking ANGRY and drags them both to the ropes to break the hold .

ASK HER~!

the referee asking Beth to KEEP IT CLEAN. In a fucking I QUIT MATCH .

THE ARM HAS BEEN BARRED~!

Damn, Beth is fucking insane. Mauling Melina here, and it rules .

MELINA KICKS BETH IN THE ARSE AND SENDS HER SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RING POST~!

Arm work by Melina!

Beth keeps trying to power out, but Melina turns it into a cross arm breaker instead!!!

And it ends up getting reversed into a RUNNING POWERBOMB . Beth is a fucking POWERHOUSE. And Melina is great at taking these bumps and making everything look BRUTAL.

GLAM SLAM~! I think? And from there she grabs her head and bends Melina BACKWARDS . Melina tries to hold on, but ends up HAVING to quit.

Man, what a match!!! Might actually be one of the best I Quit matches in the company’s history.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

MICKIE JAMES~! Bah, it’s that stupid Cena love story thing they tried lol. ADAMLE~! He burst out of the bathroom and ruins the private time for Cena and Mickie .

Shawn Michaels Vs Batista – Stretcher Match

Shawn retired Flair at WM. Batista was pissed off. They had a match. HBK faked an injury to win. Batista was more pissed off. So now they are having a stretcher match.

Right from the start, Batista uses his POWAH to take control of HBK. I like how the first thing he does on the outside is remove the padding from the stretcher. He HATES Shawn Michaels right now, so he doesn’t want any padding to save HBK from some PAIN .

Fuck me, less than 5 minutes into the match and HBK is pissing me off . He manages to get Batista down, then spends a stupid amount of time playing with the steel steps… only to sit Batista on one part of them in the end so he can RAM THE STETCHER INTO HIM. Oh and he put the padding back on before he did it .

Second straight match to feature the guillotine choke submission . At least THAT was a smart move from Shawn; make Batista pass out and then wheel him over the line.

SPINEBUSTER ON THE APRON . Sure, Kevin Owen’s apron Powerbomb looks better and more brutal, but the SPINEBUSTER was still awesome.

Wow, who is that referee? I can’t remember his name, but damn, he is looking FAT here lol.

Shawn is setting up Sweet Chin Music, but pretty much just RUNS at Batista, so it was obvious as fuck it was getting countered .

Batista attempts a Batista Bomb over the ropes, but Shawn escapes, hits the superkick, and THE ANIMAL falls out of the ring right onto the stretcher!!!

HBK tries his best to take advantage of the superkick, but try as he might, Batista is too ANGRY AND POWERFUL.

BATISTA BOMB~!

Batista places HBK on the stretcher, but CHRIS JERICHO shows up to try and MOTIVATE the Heart Break Kid! Shawn gets off the stretcher!!! This match is continuing!!!

HBK tries a Super Kick but he’s too fucked to do any damage. Pretty awesome moment to be honest.

I DON’T LOVE YOU, AND I’M NOT SORRY .

BATISTA BOMB PART II~!

Shawn is DONE, but again Jericho shows up to “motivate” his “friend” to try and continue the match!!! SPINEBUSTER ON THE STEEL STEPS~! This time is IS over!!!

Ya know what, I really liked this. I don’t remember my thoughts on the match before, but I have a feeling I probably didn’t think much of it on last watch. But this time I loved it. Batista was getting revenge for his friend Flair being retired at WM and revenge for himself for being screwed in the previous match against Shawn. He fucking KILLS Shawn. The Jericho stuff was good too, setting up their big feud.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

Triple H Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match

These two men seem to love having LMS matches against each other. And they tend to turn out well too, which is surprising considering how much they tend to SUCK in matches against each other.

This match though? Well… ummmm… just wait and see .

Orton gets thrown into the steel steps about 10 seconds into the match and looks to have hurt is shoulder. Probably just Orton selling it really well .

SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE STEEL POST~!

SHOULDER RIGHT INTO THE STEEL POST AGAIN~!

Damn, HHH looks like he genuinely wants to injure Orton’s shoulder in this match .

Orton mounts some offence, then goes for an RKO on the floor… but HHH counters by pushing him shoulder first into the ring post!!! That poor shoulder of Orton. If HHH isn’t careful he’s gonna fuck it up for real .

RKO~! NO! TRIPLE H COUNTERED AND SENT ORTON TO THE OUTSIDE~! ORTON LANDS ON HIS SHOULDER~! Aaaand breaks his collar bone . I know it’s not “funny” but fuck me, HHH was out to destroy that shoulder the entire match, and accidentally does it for real .

SLEDGEHAMMER~! Orton is dead. Match is over.

Well, it’s a shame the injury had to happen and they had to improvise a finish, because before the injury this was fecking GREAT. I mean really fucking great. HHH was out to kill Orton and everything he did looked nasty and awesome. Orton sold well, and everything he did looked great too. I also like that for a LMS match, the first count came from a DDT ON THE FLOOR and not a shitty scoop slam or some bullshit that everyone knows would never end the match unless it was a scoop slam off a fucking building through 10 tables. So yeah, real shame it had to end like it did because another 10 minutes of this and it could have easily topped their No Mercy 07 match.

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3

The Undertaker Vs Edge – World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match

If The Undertaker loses, he will be BANISHED FROM THE WWE~! So, no way he’s losing, right?

*sigh*

This match, man. This match. Never liked it. Even watching it live I was able to call the spots before they happened. When a match is THAT obvious then something is wrong lol.

Undertaker setting up a bunch of tables together piled on top of each other. Bet we won’t see that come back to haunt him later on in the match . Seriously, what is the logic, kayfabe wise, behind stacking tables up?

Ok, so TWO ladders are in the ring. Set up flat on opposite turnbuckles. Instead of like, USING ONE OF THEM… Undertaker goes outside for a THIRD LADDER to set up and climb in an attempt to win the fucking match. BUT ITS OK COS THE OTHER LADDERS WAS USEDED IN TEH SPOTZ~! Fuck right off.

Undertaker has a look on his face just after that like “why the fuck did I agree to this match?” . Kinda wish Undertaker was only involved in the ONE ladder match. Would be much better for his legacy to have one awesome ladder match in his 30+ year career rather than one awesome ladder match and this utter shite TLC bollacks.

Edge just hit Undertaker with a SPEAR. His FINISHER. In the middle of the ring. Right next to a ladder that is set up. So what does Edge do? PUSHES THE LADDER OVER. If hitting your finisher isn’t a good time to climb a ladder that is ALREADY SET UP then I don’t know what is.

Edge’s jobber friends show up to help out when Edge gets Chokeslammed on a ladder. At least SIX tables are already set up outside. So what do they do? Get TWO MORE from under the ring. I swear this match was designed for no other reason than to annoy me.

Ahh, well at least we know why ONE of the tables wasn’t brought into the ring… Undertaker had to chokeslam someone through it!

Wow and another of those tables gets used up too! Phew, good job the jobber guys didn’t grab those instead, huh? Would have COMPLETELY ruined the SPOTZ~!

While Undertaker is dealing with those jobbers, Edge takes this opportunity to… set up 2 stacked tables… right next to the ladder he climbs up afterwards. OMG WHAT A SURPRISE UNDERTAKER GIVES HIM A LAST RIDE OFF THE LADDER THROUGH THE STACKED TABLES!!! FUCK. OFF. NOW.

More Edge jobber friends show up. Unsure how Undertaker is gonna deal with them because there are no more tables set up… except for those 4 stacked up but I have a feeling those are for later .

Undertaker takes care of the other jobbers… then climbs a ladder that isn’t exactly under the belt. In fact, it’s a little too close to the ropes… near those stacked tables. Hmmm… I wonder…

Oh, Edge knocks Undertaker off the ladder and through the stacked tables and wins the belt and Undertaker has to leave the WWE until SummerSlam.

My least favourite Undertaker match ever. Or at least it’s tied with the HIAC against Bossman in 1999.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 13

The Great American Bash 2008

JBL is poopy.

John Morrison & The Miz Vs Curt Hawkins & Zack Rider Vs Jesse & Festus Vs Finlay & Hornswoggle – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Seriously? Finlay teaming with the midget? He’d have been better going into this alone…

FESTUS VS HORNSWOGGLE stare down at the start. Bah, Hornswoggle just dives on Jiz and Morrison and we don’t get the epic showdown .

Ah well, Festus beating the shit out of Jiz. That’s fun .

Lol, Finlay tags himself in via Festus and gets booted in the fucking FACE .

Foley is just ripping Jiz to shreds on commentary .

I watched Foley’s live show thingy on the Dub Dub Eee Network a couple of weeks back. Was kinda shitty outside of JIZ JOKES. No, not actual Jiz, but Miz as Jiz.

oh man, Finlay takes down Jiz and starts punching him in the face and Foley starts marking the fuck out .

Finlay fucking ROCKS here. He literally is wrestling the match as a handicap match, and so far he’s been dominated by Jix and Morrison and now Hawkins and Ryder, but he just keeps firing back with shots to the face and even gets a couple of big moves in too! He’s just a scrappy Irish Bastard who won’t give up!!!

HOT TAG TO HORNSWOGGLE~! And then Jesse tags himself in and gets booed to fuck .

Hawkins takes a cheap shot and punches Hornswoggle off the apron .

FESTUS HOT TAG . He’s owning EVERYONE . Clears the ring, tags in Jesse for a big top rope move, but Festus ends up being pulled under the ring and Jess knocked off the ropes, and Hawkins & Ryder end up becoming the new tag team champions!!!

All right, good start to the show! Fun match, with a great FIP from Finlay, and some awesome FIRE from Festus, and fun moments with Hornswoggle. Mainly him getting punched in the face .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Matt Hardy Vs Shelton Benjamin – United States Championship Match

Hmmm… this actually could be good. Hardy rocks, and Shelton has been capable of great matches here and there.

fans are fucking SUPER into this. A nice lengthy “let’s go Hardy, let’s go Shelton” chant . Shelton is doing rather good at being a vicious cunt early on too. That probably helps the fans get behind Hardy as much as they are atm.

Shelton tries to work over Hardy’s back, but Hardy is still able to make a big comeback until he gets caught flying off the top rope right into a fucking CORNER POWERBOMB .

Nice job by Shelton to continue to go after the back every time Hardy gains a little momentum.

Moonsault from Hardy but Shelton puts his knee up and Hardy goes EYE FIRST into the knee . PAY DIRT~! NEW US CHAMP!!!

Good mid-card title match… though the back work did end up being useless as it took a knee to the eye and Pay Dirt to end it .

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Mark Henry Vs Tommy Dreamer – ECW Championship Match

IT’S HENRY TIME!!!

LOL Colin Delany. Remember him? Hopefully you don’t .

HENRY TRASH TALKING FOR THE MOMENT THE BELL RINGS .

Henry is murdering Dreamer and the fans are chanting boring. They all deserve to be SHOT IN THE BALLS OR VAGINA.

Colin turns on Dreamer .

I enjoyed this a ton tbh. It was Henry just throwing Dreamer around and making him look like a weak, pathetic nobody . Turn at the end wasn’t needed because Henry was never in any real trouble lol.

Henry just STANDING on Dreamer and walking over him after he’s won is awesome. God, Henry is so fucking great.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho

Hmmm… hmmmmm hmmmm hmmmmm…

Honestly don’t remember the last time I saw this. Might have been the one time back in 08 when it happened. Either way, I don’t remember much outside of blood. Depending on who I talk to, I get a different opinion on this one. Either it’s fantastic with great story telling, or it’s utter shite with crappy story telling .

Shawn VERY SLOWLY tries to beat up Jericho. And by slowly I mean he spends like 30 seconds in between each punch .

Springboard dropkick and Shawn is out of this match it seems. He has bad ribs from… I don’t remember, and his eye is fucked too.

Oh look, a shitty submission hold by Jericho. How… pointless. What is Jericho’s purpose in this match?

Now Jericho is doing the “punch, wait 30 seconds, punch again” bit. Thing is, both men are throwing some good shots in this match… but doing it so damn slowly that it ends up looking like shit.

Fuck me, both guys just look so…. uncoordinated here. They’ve shown on occasion that they DO have good chemistry, but at the same time they just don’t click in a lot of their matches too. This is one of those matches.

Lance Cade shows up and immediately gets dropped. HBK does a super moonsault from the top rope to the floor and… ends up going in between both Cade and Jericho . Nice catch, guys. I thought HBK was the one with the injured eye in this match?

HBK is bleeding and not even the commentators know how/when it happened .

Jericho sees the blood and his reaction is so… CAMP .

A WILD ELBOW APPEARED~! Turns out that’s how HBK got busted open.

The referee keeps checking on Shawn, while Jericho and Cade work over the bad eye.

This continues for waaaay too long. Shawn tells the referee not to end the match. Jericho kicks him in the face a few more times… rinse and repeat.

Eventually the referee decides to stop the match. Yawn. I stopped caring by then.

Match is a mess.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Edge shows off the worst acting ever during an interview. And yet, he’s now an actor. He’s on some show my mum watches. Haven I think? Yeah that’s it.

Michelle McCool Vs Natalya – WWE Divas Championship Match

Remember when Natalya was more chunky and had ginger hair? Me either . Didn’t even recognise her lol.

So, this is to determine the FIRST EVER DIVAS CHAMPION.

SKIP~! .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

CM Punk Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Actually wasn’t that long ago I watched this match. Hadn’t seen it since it aired, and I can’t remember what we were discussing on the wrestling forum at the time, but I ended up being super interested in seeing this match lol.

Punk’s title reign… poor guy. They just kinda threw the belt on him and hoped that somehow he’d do well without decent opponents, booking, and being completely overshadowed by the likes of the HBK/Jericho feud and anything involving Cena.

Batista just countered a school boy pin WITH HIS ARSE.

Punk often gets laughed at for his worked kicks, but damn, he throws some great ones early on here. Helps that Batista just LET’S HIM connect .

Some decent back work from Batista, while Punk keeps trying to stay in the match by using quick kicks and high flying moves to ground the bigger, stronger opponent.

Big probs to Batista here too for selling really well. He takes those kicks to the head nicely and sells exhaustion from them real well too. While he does technically dominate a lot of this match, he still ends up making Punk look great on a number of occasions.

CM PUNK WITH AN ARMBAR USING THE ROPES~! Maybe he should do MMA with submission skills like that .

SPINEBUSTER ON THE FLOOR~!

And… then Kane shows up and attacks everyone. Because stuff.

Shame the finish was what it was, because if it wasn’t what it was and was something else instead, then it could have been a much better match overall .

Still, they did a great job before the finish.

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 3

John Cena Vs JBL – Parking Lot Brawl

*sigh* the build up to this match. JBL is Poopy. Spray painted on the limo.

JBL.

IS.

POOPY.

At least JBL tries to legitimately kill Cena for it .

I like how JBL shows up to this match IN HIS SUIT . And then of course Cena shows up in his wrestling attire because I don’t think he owns any other clothes tbh.

Cena the cowardly superhero hides from JBL and tries to run HIM over. Way to turn the other cheek, John! What a good guy he is .

Cena electrocuting JBL’s balls ala Kane and Shane from 2003 .

Cena is fucking intent on murdering JBL for real here. He just threw a gas bottle or something as hard as he could at the man! Luckily JBL moved and the only thing that got destroyed was a CAR .

JBL fighting back . Threw Cena into a car door and it came off the hinges .

I wish WWE did other superstar t-shirts in the same design as the Cena one he’s wearing right now. It’s that Retro NES style one, and would look awesome without Cena on it .

DDT ON THE TOP OF A CAR~!

Cena kicks out at 2 .

CENA’S HEAD THROUGH A WINDOW~!

And now for some reason, JBL has thrown Cena into the back of a car and shut the door. OMG HE’S GONNA SET HIM ON FIRE~!

at the limo driver backing the fuck away in the limo after JBL gets the gas can . He ain’t staying around for that shit!!!

BAH GAWD MAN, DON’T DO IT. THERE’S A MAN INSIDE THAT CAR! HE HAS A FAMILY… OR NOT. WHATEVER.

THE CAR IS ON FIRE~! JOHN CENA IS BURNING ALIVE INSIDE THAT CA… awwww man, referee’s show up with fire extinguishers .

CENA NO SELLS FIRE .

And now Cena locks JBL in a car… YEY FORKLIFT TRUCK RIDE~!

I like how Cena just kinda KNOWS how to operate a fork lift truck. At least when Bryan used it on Kane that one time the commentators kept telling us that Bryan used to work in a warehouse so it made sense at least .

In fact, come to think of it, a LOT of wrestlers can drive fork lift trucks. And monster trucks. And cement trucks. Anything really.

Cena tries to set JBL up for an F-U off the stage onto a car… and JBL counters by launching CENA off the stage and right through the windscreen!

HOLY SHIT JBL WINS!!!

Man oh man, this is INSANE. It’s stupid, it’s hilarious, and it’s AWESOME AS FUCK. Had a blast with this one .

Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 4

Triple H Vs Edge – WWE Championship Match

I’m confused… the build up video package thing seems to be making it out like we’re getting Edge Vs Vickie after Edge kissed Alicia Fox before marrying Vickie . HHH is just the guy that showed the video .

Oh hey, Eve . I miss Eve. She was HOT. Had a couple of good matches too!

I remember absolutely NOTHING about this match, other than I’m guessing HHH retains the belt at the end lol. This is the first, and I still think the only singles PPV match between these two men, right? Don’t recall them having many single matches at ALL, even on TV. Just a couple in 04/05 on Raw, and probably another sometime on SD around this time no doubt.

My god this is dull. They are just… going back and forth doing shit. Nothing interesting, no story… nothing. It’s like watching a CPU Vs CPU match on a WWE game.

Alicia Fox shows up towards the end of the match to try and help Edge until Vickie shows up and decks her .

Vickie looks to deck Edge with the WWE title, but ends up in a cat fight with Alicia… and gets SPEARED by Edge .

Oh look, a Pedigree. HHH retains.

What a giant load of fuck all.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 12

Unforgiven 2008

SCRAMBLE MATCHES!!! I really liked the concept back in the day, so I’m hoping I still do on a re-watch all these years later .

Matt Hardy Vs The Miz Vs Chavo Guerrero Jr Vs Mark Henry Vs Finlay – ECW Championship Scramble Match

5 guys in the match, 2 start off, every 5 minutes someone else enters. 20 minute time limit. Kinda like capture the flag in that whoever has the “ECW title” at the end is the winner and champion. None of the wins here count as title wins unless someone new ends up with the belt at the end. Understand? Good .

HENRY is the champion, and luckily for him he isn’t one of the 2 men starting off the match… but unlucky for me cos I wanna see Henry murder people for 20 minutes . Instead we’re stuck with the Jiz. Matt Hardy too though .

These two go back and forth, and meh, Jiz just doesn’t make me interested in anything that’s happening. He hits his finisher, and Hardy rolls to the floor and Jiz just screams “noooooo” like a baby.

Oh god Chabo is out next. He shows up, hits a Frog Splash on Hardy and is the “current champion” . Remember when they did this type of match for the Hardcore championship, and every reign ACTUALLY COUNTED?

SIDE EFFECT~! HARDY PINS CHABO~! HE’S THE CURRENT CHAMPION SORT OF KIND OF NOT REALLY BUT COULD BE IF HE DOESN’T GET PINNED ANY TIME SOON. DOES HE HAVE TO BE PINNED? I DON’T THINK HE DOES, RIGHT? RIGHT.

Fuck yes, FINALLY. Henry is coming to fuck shit up . Everyone in the ring decides to stick together to take out Henry. Because if they don’t, he’ll KILL EM.

Lol, Henry KILLS EM anyway .

Before HALL OF PAIN Henry, there was ECW HENRY. And it was just as fucking awesome. WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM TO CHABO~! HENRY “REGAINS” HIS TITLE FOR THE TIME BEING!!!

Ahhh, is there any sweeter sound in the world than Chabo screaming in pain while Henry has him in a bear hug?

FINLAY . FINLAY AND HENRY BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER .

HENRY CHASING A MIDGET . Second only to Undertaker’s dealings with Hornsoggle .

FINLAY PINS HARDY TO BECOME THE “CURRENT” CHAMPION!!! 3 and a half minutes left!!!

HARDY PINS JIZ~!

3 minutes left, and HENRY is back into the match looking to take his championship back! Boy, I would not want to be one of the other guys in the match!!!

The last minute and a half really does live up to the SCRAMBLE name as everyone is moving around hitting finishers and breaking up pins as they all desperately try to either win the belt or retain it .

The time runs out and MATT HARDY wins the ECW Championship!!!

Well, I’m a little disappointed in this tbh. I remember liking it a lot more, but the match was kinda dull before Henry and Finlay showed up. That’s what happens when you have JIZ AND CHABO in the match longer than talented wrestlers . But once Finlay and Henry showed up, it got FUN AS FUCK.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Cryme Tyme Vs Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase – World Tag Team Championship Match

Hmmm… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho – Non Sanctioned Match

Jericho socked Shawn’s wife RIGHT IN THE KISSER. So this match is happening. But not really because it ISN’T SANCTIONED.

Oh boy. I don’t think I’m ready for this. Their entire 08 series tends to get a LOT of love, but I’ve never liked the majority of it. This match included.

Well this starts off fun, so that’s good at least . Shawn is full of HATE~! and beats the shit out of Jericho with his boot and while on the outside at one point, absolutely DECKS Jericho in the face in what is probably the single greatest punch HBK has ever thrown.

Oh boy, it’s already started to go downhill . Right, so these two men HATE each other. I like HBK using his boot as a weapon. HBK going for a chair is good too. But really, if you are out to murder someone, WHY WOULD YOU GO UNDER THE RING, GET A TABLE AND SET IT UP? That was Jericho that did that btw, not HBK. HBK hasn’t gone retarded in this match… yet. There is still time .

Aaaaand the table doesn’t even get used. So it’s just sat there, waiting for later no doubt.

Urgh, they already did a TEASE GOING THROUGH THE TABLE spot. JUST PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE FACE YOU FUCKS.

Wait, nevermind. HBK sucks at punching people in the face…

HBK choking the life out of Jericho… just to put him down for an elbow drop. FFS.

Then he goes for Sweet Chin Music and… decides not to connect. WHY? The commentators say it’s because it’s not “good enough” to end this thing and that Shawn isn’t done. HE DIDN’T HAVE TO FUCKING PIN HIM AFTERWARDS. Fuck me, what a god damn moron. SEE, I KNEW HBK WOULD GO ALL RETARDED.

CROSSFACE~!

HBK just went eye fist into the steel chair. REMEMBER THE EYE, KING! Fairly certain Lawler is familiar with injured eyes .

Non sanctioned match and Jericho is letting the referee stop him from ripping out Shawn’s eye. The referee should literally be there to ring the bell and nothing more.

Oh, NOW Jericho decides to tell the referee to fuck off… not when he’s ripping Shawn’s eye out, but when he’s using the Walls of Jericho.

Lance Cade shows up. Why on earth didn’t he show up at the START of the match? IT’S NON FUCKING SANCTIONED YOU TITS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?!?! come on ref, isn’t it obvious?

Well, the table finally gets used. Yawn. Cade takes on hell of a shot to the head with Sweet Chin Music though. Looked like it might have actually connected.

Finally some more HATE~! with HBK repeatedly smashing the chair down on Jericho. Aaaaand then he decides to do another table spot. GOD. DAMN. IT.

Oh fuck me it gets even more stupid. Shawn sets up LANCE on the table instead of Jericho. Until he sees Jericho moving around and remembers that he hates JERICHO and not so much Cade.

Elbow through the table and… HBK starts crying? Ok…

BELT WHIPPING~! That might have been nice nearer the beginning of the match… but when a few minutes earlier he was essentially whipping Jericho with a STEEL CHAIR… it just doesn’t have the same kind of impact tbh. This match is arse backwards.

The referee rings the bell because… Shawn is punching Jericho in the head too much. HBK wins. Ummm… what?

This match had potential. Really, it did. They DID do some good shit. But they nulified EVERYTHING good by doing double the amount of stupid shit. Seriously, how hard is it to have a HATE~! filled brawl?

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Jeff Hardy Vs Shelton Benjamin Vs The Brian Kendrick Vs MVP Vs Triple H – WWE Championship Scramble Match

Yey another scramble!!!

at the deafening silence for Shelton’s entrance .

CORNER POWERBOMB . Love that move. Glad Rollins uses it these days cos it wasn’t getting done like… at all for a while.

a double clothesline, but Hardy seems to ignore the fact he got hit too .

Woo, things about to pick up because THE Brian Kendrick is in da house!!!

Kendrick got SWAG. Wish him and Big Zeke were together for longer and did more. Was like a mini version of HBK & Diesel lol.

Twist of Fate and Hardy is the “current” champion. Booooo.

Kendrick lays around in the floor for a while and lets Shelton and Hardy go at it, and they do some fun stuff, especially the HUGE Pay Dirt from Shelton.

OMG KENDRICK IS BACK. SLICED BREAD #2. BRIAN KENDRICK IS THE CURRENT WWE CHAMPION!!! THE BRIAN KENDRICK!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!

MVP is next out and urgh. Just urgh. Fuck off MVP.

THE Brian Kendrick makes me love him even more when he blindsides MVP with a leg lariat to the fucking FACE while MVP is running for a Drive By kick .

Kendrick is on FIRE here, and the fans are really behind him at times too. He’s the champ atm and he’s doing everything in his power to make sure nobody else sneaks in a pin .

HHH is out last, and he has 5 minutes to win back his title from THE Brian Kendrick .

*sigh* in less than a minute, HHH takes everyone out and pins Kendrick. Way to go, Hunter…

TWIST OF FATE TO MVP~! And Hardy is once again the current champ. Booooo.

at the botched counter to Sliced Bread #2. Well done guys.

Oh ffs. HHH pins Kendrick AGAIN.

Then Hardy pins Kendrick while HHH is resting in the corner thinking he’s got this won . Not so much “Booooo” for that because it was hilarious.

15 second left… and HHH pins MVP. Hardy was inches away from HHH. Why didn’t he break it up? BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO PIN BENJAMIN. EVEN THOUGH HE WAS THE CHAMPION ALREADY. Fucking moron.

Well, this was better than I remembered it. More fun stuff from a SCRAMBLE match. No classics from the stipulation, but certainly fun!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Hey look, its CM Punk!!! He’s the WHC. Got a scramble match later in the night. Or not. He gets mauled by Legacy and his title is forfeited for no reason and he waits like 5 years to get revenge…

Maryse Vs Michelle McCool – WWE Divas Championship Match

I’ll pass.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

MIKE ADAMLE~! Announces that Punk likely won’t be in the main event tonight, but the match is still gonna happen even without him!

THE BIG SHOW~! He’s pissed at Vickie. THE UNDERTAKER . He’s pissed at Vickie too. BIG SHOW TURNS ON THE UNDERTAKER OMG I TOTALLY NEVER SAW THAT COMING WHATSOEVER THIS IS SO SHOCKING. Yeah, predictable, but an awesome segment and gave us one hell of a feud between the two .

Batista Vs JBL Vs Kane Vs Rey Mysterio Vs Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Championship Scramble Match

JBL and Batista just beat the shit out of each other for 5 minutes . Then KANE shows up to join them!!!

Nothing fancy here, but it’s a ton of fun as 3 large men try to destroy each other. If you’re into that sort of thing then you’ll love this!

KANE IS THE CURRENT WHC!!!

MYSTERIO TIME!!!

He runs into the ring with some stupid Mohawk mask and Kane immediately punches him in the face. STOP LOOKING STUPID.

so fun to watch Mysterio run around and doing flips, only to run into Kane and get knocked the fuck down .

Batista and Rey work together a little until Rey tries to sneak a pin on him. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!!! Oh wait… that isn’t for another year… nevermind.

Down to the final 5 minutes, and is CM Punk gonna show up? Nope. He’s dead or something. Instead we get… Jericho?

Jericho?

He can barely walk after his “match”, and he LOST it too. So why the FUCK is HE the replacement?

Wow, just realised that KANE is not only still the champion, but he’s the only guy with a pin so far!

FUCK ME. Batista killed Rey. KILLED HIM DEAD.

Why is KANE going for a pin? Why is the referee counting? Why is Bastista wasting energy kicking out? KANE IS ALREADY THE CHAMP.

SPINEBUSTER~! Batista is the current WHC with 30 seconds left!!!

Batista Bomb to Rey… and while he’s doing that, Jericho pins Kane and the clock is at 0! Jericho is the WHC .

Well this was better than I was expecting . ECW match is probably the best scramble of the night, but all 3 are super fun and the same rating too!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 4

No Way Out 2008

The #1 Ramble was No Mercy 2008. The #101 Ramble is the beginning of the rest of 2008! I’m shocked I’ve made it this far haha.

Fake It by Seether is the PPV theme, and probably the only Seether song I’ve ever liked.

CM Punk Vs Chavo Guerrero – ECW Championship Match

Urgh, not a good way to start off the show. Chavo. Fuck off.

Ain’t even gonna attempt to watch this.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

MIKE ADAMLE INTERVIEW~! I hope he botches something .

HOW DID IT HAPPER? He botched!!!

Floyd Mayweather shows up. I forgot this was the PPV with THAT angle .

The Undertaker Vs Batista Vs Finlay Vs Big Daddy V Vs The Great Khali Vs MVP – World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match

a match involving Undertaker, FINLAY and Batista . Shame Khali and MVP bring it down. I like DBV though .

Undertaker and Batista kick this match off, as they add another chapter to their year long rivalry .

2 big bastards beating the fuck out of each other. RASSLIN’ don’t get much better than thiUs!

Undertaker is destroying Big Dave. Punching his face in, kicking his knees to shit, and occasionally standing on his throat. GOAT.

It’s time for another superstar to enter the match and it’s THE GREAT KHA… no wait it’s Big Daddy V. Someone apparently can’t operate a fecking LIGHT properly . YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!

Big Daddy V is yet another big bastard looking to beat the fuck out of the two big bastards already in the ring . Why couldn’t this just be a 4 way? Take out Khali and MVP and this would be fucking epic.

I used to have legitimate NIGHTMARES about Big Daddy V, back when he was Viscera. I would be running away from him at the warehouse I worked in at the time, and he was chasing me down and would eventually corner me to suffocate me to death with his FAT lol. I think it’s because I’m a little claustrophobic lol.

UNDERTAKER JUST SENT THROUGH THE DOOR AND TO THE FLOOR~! Wonder if that was supposed to happen lol.

BDV is fucking DOMINATING both Undertaker and Batista. That’s impressive .

Speaking of impressive… SPINEBUSTER TO BIG DADDY V~!

DDT ON THE STEEL FLOOR BY UNDERTAKER~! Big Daddy V is DEAD, and Batista steals the pin, eliminating the widest man in the match!!! Bah.

Just as he’s gone, we get stuck with The Great Khali of all fucking people. We went from a super fun FATTY to a giant useless twat. I swear he botches a fucking CHOP less than 30 seconds into the match.

YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants .

KHALI BOMB~!

UNDERTAKER KICKS OUT!!!

Khali tries to pull a MOUNTAIN by squashing Batista’s head with his bare hands, but Khali ain’t no Strongman and he fails miserably.

OMG IT’S THAT SUBMISSION MANOEUVRE~!

Which submussion manoeuvre?

THAT SUBMISSION MANOEUVRE~!

Khali taps out! Yes! Yes! YES! YES!

FINLAY TIME .

He comes charging out of the pod and… runs right into a high knee from Undertaker .

A second running high knee sends Undertaker crashing and burning into the corner though! CELTIC CROSS~! But the DEAD MAN kicks out and continues on his quest to become the number 1 contender for the WHC at WM!!!

Can we just keep MVP locked in the pod? Not like anyone thought he would win lol. We currently have UNDERTAKER Vs FINLAY Vs BATISTA. We don’t need nobody else!

Finlay is mauling the Dead Man! And it’s fucking awesome, because both guys are awesome. AWESOME. Did I mention awesome? No? Because like, it is. And they are. AWESOME.

Undertaker gets smashed through one of the pods . Man, Undertaker has taken one hell of a fucking beating in this match so far! And he’s still on his feet fighting back!

Ha, MVP seems to be trying to take my advice by staying in his pod . But Undertaker breaks in and rapes his face. With his fist.

THERE’S THAT KICK!!! What kick? THAT KICK! Well, this match is full of moves with no names!

I believe it’s called the drive by though. And I’m not sure, but I does believe it had that name for some time BEFORE this event. LOL.

BLOOD~! No PG shit here! Undertaker is bleeding from the head, and keeps demanding that MVP punch him in the face! MVP realises that his punches aren’t worth shit, and tries to escape by climbing on top of a pod. Big mistake. CHOKESLAM FROM THE POD~! Finlay steals the pin and MVP is GONE .

Back to an epic triple threat . Also, Undertaker is technically responsible for eliminating EVERYONE so far. His DDT to BDV allowed Batista to pin him. He tapped out Khali. And then the chokeslam allowed Finlay to eliminate MVP.

Hornswoggle’s head shows up from a small gap in one of the corners, hands Finlay the Sheleighly and… Finlay ends up with a chokeslam on the steel . Undertaker with ANOTHER elimination!!!

Down to the final 2, and its back to where we started; Undertaker Vs Batista . God I love simple shit like this, when they work off a previous feud. They battled through 2007, Edge ended up getting involved and stealing the title from them both, and now to gain a shot at Edge for the belt they have to go through each other again .

Crowd are super into this whole thing .

BATISTA BOMB~!

Batista is heading to WM!!!

1…

2…

KICK OUT!!! KICK OUT! BAH GAWD THE UNDERTAKER KICKED OUT~!

*sigh* Obvious corner Last Ride set up. Thankfully that isn’t the finish .

The ACTUAL finish is fucking

The Undertaker fucking OWNED this match. Either personally eliminating people or performing the move that would get someone eliminated. He’s going to WM and it’s more than deserved!!!

Awesome chamber match. Not even MVP or Khali could stop it being awesome!!!

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

Teddy Long bans the EDGEHEADS from ringside tonight. Whatever.

Some weird Baywatch parody with Kelly Kelly and a fat guy. In the end Mae Young makes out with him instead. This was to advertise WM. I don’t get it.

And then a video showing Maria and Ashley at a Playboy party. Ashley is trying to convince Maria to pose for Playboy. Times sure have changed lol.

Ric Flair Vs Mr Kennedy – Career Threatening Match

If Flair loses, he must retire! A month before WM. Because that’s totally what would happen .

Kennedy does Flair’s strut. Not the first time he’s impersonated a professional wrestler .

Flair has a bad wheel coming into this match, so Kennedy focuses on that, which is smart. FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK AROUND THE RING POST~! Always love that version of the move . Even when Kennedy does it.

Kennedy is… well he’s just there when it comes to offence. Basic leg work mainly. But Flair is awesome . At one point, in a normal Figure Four, he’s screaming in pain and biting his fucking HANDS to take his mind off his leg pain. Flair showing that even a month away from “retirement”, he’s still a billion times better than Kennedy!

Figure Four on Kennedy, and Flair keeps his career for a little while longer.

This isn’t awful… it’s just… a TV opener match at best, not something that should be on PPV.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Edge Vs Rey Mysterio – World Heavyweight Championship Match

A rematch from the RR. And this time Rey is injured. Yey…

Floyd Mayweather is at ringside. Was he a cunt back then too? Always a cocky bastard yeah, but he beats his wife now too, right? Urgh. No wonder the fans were behind THE BIG SHOW at WM.

Rey is trying to keep his injured arm away from Edge, while someone building some offense. What’s worse is that it’s his RIGHT arm that’s fucked.

It isn’t long before Mysterio gets caught and goes arm first into the steel steps. Ah well, you tried, Rey .

Nothing much happens, and then they repeat the finish from the RR. Yawn. Might have been fun had Rey not been injured.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Thankfully though, the AFTERMATH of this match is fucking . THE BIG SHOW RETURNS! AND HE’S SLIMMED DOWN!!! He acts like a good guy and then… tries to kill Rey .

FLOYD MAYWEATHER GETS IN THE RING. HE PUNCHES THE SHIT OUT OF BIG SHOW!!! BIG SHOW IS BLEEDING AND CHASES AFTER FLOYD, WHO IS LITERALLY RUNNING FOR HIS FUCKING LIFE .

This was a tremendous, awesome segment, and set up one hell of a super fun match at WM .

Randy Orton Vs John Cena – WWE Championship Match

.

Yes, I didn’t put that in by mistake. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO A CENA VS ORTON MATCH!!!

So, some backstory on this match. Cena and Orton were feuding from SummerSlam onwards in 2007. Cena got injured. In his absence, Orton won the title. Cena returned (very) early at the RR and won. And he ain’t gonna wait for WM… he wants Orton NOW! Sorry, he wants Orton at NWO!!!

Cena is back and wants his title. While Orton NEEDS to beat Cena. He is the champion, but he didn’t win it by beating Cena. He has to beat Cena to prove to HIMSELF that he is the better man.

Early on, Cena keeps going for quick pins, seemingly to mess with Orton psychologically. He knows that Orton is determined to BEAT HIM here tonight, and every time Cena gets a 2 count, he’s telling Orton that he’s only 1 away from LOSING to him instead.

Nice to see Orton and Cena wrestle and the fans being vocal about the match but in a POSITIVE way lol.

Orton takes a while to really get going, but when he does, he’s vicious as fuck .

However, no matter how VICIOUS Orton seems to be, Cena just won’t stay down. They end up battling on the floor, and nearly get counted out!

at Orton’s face after the both charge into the ring to break the 9 count. He looks like he’s thinking “WHAT THE FUCK, JOHN? YOU NEARLY GOT COUNTED OUT. I WANT TO BEAT YOU PROPERLY YOU FUCK” .

Again, Orton regains control, but Cena is like the fucking TERMINATOR. STFU, and Orton barely makes it to the ropes. It’s here when he realises that perhaps he CAN’T beat Cena, and demands the referee counts him out! Cena comes out to see what the fuck is happening and… walks into an RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!!

Orton looks pleased with himself, almost like it was his plan all along. Ok, so he wasn’t able to keep Cena down for a pin or make him submit, but maybe he can still BEAT Cena via countout!

The ref gets to 9… and Cena makes it back in!!!

And then it happens. One of the greatest DQ endings of ALL TIME. Orton smiles at Cena, then SLAPS THE REFEREE!!! He is DQ’d, and technically loses the match, but fuck it, he’s STILL THE CHAMPION!!!

Love the fuck out of this match still. It isn’t a wrestling holds clinic, but it has a wonderful story that keeps evolving as the match goes on, and the finish is fucking perfect.

Rating: ****
CAL SCALE – 5

Triple H Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Chris Jericho Vs JBL Vs Umaga Vs Jeff Hardy – WWE Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match

HBK and Jericho start this match off. The first chamber match tonight started off with 2 men who had just feuded for the better part of the previous year. This time it’s starting with 2 people who would go on to feud for the better part of the current year!!!

Sweet counter to the elbow drop by Jericho, who gets his knees up, forcing HBK to smash his elbows into Jericho’s knees! In reality though, Jericho’s knees would also be fucked .

YOUMANGA is the first man to be released from his pod!

DOUBLE SAMOAN DROP~!

HBK is bleeding and… I have NO IDEA when it happened .

WALLS OF JERICHO AND CROSSFACE APPLIED TO UMAGA AT THE SAME TIME~!

JBL comes in and throws some nice punches.

HHH is out next. Man, this match so far has NOTHING on the first one. I’m finding bugger all to write about lol.

Umaga gets thrown head first into the steel post! Clothesline from Hell to HHH! Code Breaker to JBL, and he is the first to be eliminated! Most exciting part of the match so far .

JBL is PISSED that he lost, and returns to the ring with a steel chair and murders everyone!!!

Yey now everyone is bleeding and hurt and very slowly trying to stand up. THAT’LL MAKE THINGS INTERESTING.

Hardy is the final man to be released from his POD~! Maybe he can add some excitement to this one.

He spends about 30 seconds of the first minute he’s in the match in the air! He’s flying around all over the place, until Umaga kicks his fucking head off .

BLACK HOLE SLAM FROM THE MONSTER ABY… UMAGA!

UMAGA SMASHED JERICHO THROUGH A POD WITH HIS ARSE~!

SUPERKICK TO UMAGA! CODE BREAKER! PEDIGREE! SWANTON BOMB FROM THE TOP OF A POD! UMAGA IS ELIMINATED~!

SUPERKICK TO JERICHO! JERICHO IS ELIMINATED~!

TWIST OF FATE TO HBK! PEDIGREE! HBK IS ELIMINATED~!

Lol, most fun part of this match has been 3 eliminations in a row within like a minute .

Hardy misses a Swanton and gets Pedigreed, and THE GAME is going to WM… NO!!! HARDY KICKED OUT! HARDY KICKED OUT!!! I HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT WAS THE FINISH!!!

Twist of Fate gets reversed and Hardy gets smashed back first onto the steel chair, then gets Pedigreed on it!

AND NOW HHH GOES TO WM!

Meh. Not too bothered about this match. I remember it being better. But honestly it was kinda dull outside of the eliminations that mostly happened all at once.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Overall CAL SCALE – 12.5

Backlash 2007

Man, Backlash always used to be such a STACKED show, didn’t it? Maybe because they needed a good reason for people to spend another *however much PPV’s cost* usually in the same month as WM?

The Hardy Boys Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

Alright, we start off with what should be a pretty sweet tag match on paper!

Love me some Hardy tag matches, and Cade & Murdoch felt like such an “old school” tag team which is something I always liked about em.

Matt and Jeff are on a roll early on, getting a prolonged babyface shine period compared to your average tag match. And it’s a ton of fun.

Then the power and BRAWLINGNESS(c) of their opponents sends them on the defence.

Cade & Murdoch are pretty awesome at just beating the fuck out of anyone in the ring with them. Like I said, they feel like a real old school tag team, and this really is something I’d expect to see in the mid 80’s with The Rockers against Dick Murdoch and… whoever the fuck teamed up with him (seriously, how many partners did DICK have lol?).

Hot tag feels a little cold, which is somewhat surprising giving it’s THE HARDY BOYS. Maybe just more disappointing, I dunno.

JEFF JUST DIED~! He was doing the old “jump off of Matt into the opponent in the corner”, but Cade moved Murdoch out of the way and Jeff crashed and burned HARD.

CANADIAN DESTRO… SUNSET FLIP~!

Finish kinda comes out of nowhere too… huh.

Well this wasn’t quite what I was hoping tbh. Hot tag and finish fell flat for me, but everything else was really good. Just could have been better in those couple of places.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

UMAGA IS BREATHING HEAVY~!

Melina Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

MELINA FAP FAP FAP.

MICKIE JAMES FAP FAP FAP .

I think I might actually watch this match, it could be good!

No seriously, it could be good .

Both women are showcasing their WRESTLING SKILLS early on, and they are both pretty good at it. Melina isn’t someone I’d always praise for her in ring work (she’s a tremendous manager on the outside though), but she looks great here. She fakes getting something in her eye then fucking BLASTS Mickie in the face with an elbow .

Man, how often does Mickie take a big bump off the ropes to the floor? Not often you see the female wrestlers in WWE do anything like that. Most struggle to take a decent bump off the fucking apron lol.

MELINA USING HER LEGS . She’s got a fucking FULL NELSON applied using her LEGS. I think that might be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

MICKIE AND MELINA BOTH DO THE SPLITS THEN HAVE A BACK AND FORTH PUNCH BATTLE . Ok, THAT might be the best thing I’ve ever seen!!!

SCORPION DEATH DROP BY MELINA~! And she retains her title!

Yup, this was indeed a good match . Glad I watched it.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Maria interviews Edge, then pulls out some paper from between her tits . Someone asked her to ask Edge the question “how did you win your first title”, and of course Edge talks about cashing in MITB and whatnot. Turns out that MIIIIIISSSSSSTEEEEERRRR KEEEENEEEDDDDYYYYYY. KEEEEEEEEEEEENEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYY was the one that asked about it. He’s the current MITB holder at this time btw. For people who forgot.

MVP Vs Chris Benoit – WWE United States Championship Match

Huh, forgot this match existed. Only remember them having the WM match (which was decent at best) and then their 2/3 falls match (which was garbage). Is this the one people tend to call good? I fucking hope so.

JBL calls MVP the future of this sport. If only he could see into the future . Anyone else remember the reports going around the interwebs around this time about MVP? Saying how people backstage respected and liked him because he would watch and study tapes of matches from the likes of Benoit and Eddie etc so he could learn as much as possible. Shame he didn’t learn anything .

these two guys had a match on SD days before? Sure, MVP walked out on the match but still… come on. Are we gonna get Lesnar Vs Reigns on Smackdown before WM? People would probably prefer that to them having a match at WM, actually. Fuck those people. I kinda wanna see them go at it. Not expecting some great match, but hey, there is a good chance it won’t suck. Unlike this match which has a high chance of sucking because MVP is awful. He’s totally the worst Power Ranger.

Only thing I’ve enjoyed in the first 5 or so minutes is an overhead belly to belly suplex by MVP.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

GERMAN SUPLEXES~!

MVP does some stuff.

Small package from Benoit. Match is over.

Well. This wasn’t bad or anything. Wasn’t great either. Just… there. I could easily live with myself if I never saw or spoke about this match ever again lol.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Orton tries to make a move on Cena.

Bobby Lashley Vs Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga – ECW Championship Match

Well Lashley manages to not kill himself in the first minute, so that’s good . Fuck me though, he lifts and throws Shane around like he’s nothing. Wonder how powerful the guy actually is. We need a wrestler’s version of World’s Strongest Man. Get Lesnar, Henry, Big Show, Cena, Lashley, Kane, Cesaro and a couple of others and have them running with anvils and lifting Atlas Stones! Hell, some wrestlers have competed in the competitions in the past! Billy Graham, Ken Patera and Jerry Blackwell lol. Oh and Henry won the first Arnold Strongman competition, but I’ll still claim that was set up for him to win.

So as we get a few minutes into this match, Lashley is still dominating and making Shane and Umaga look useless as he tries his best to get to Vince.

The numbers end up costing Lashley control of the match, and now the SAMOAN BULLDOZER can maul Big Black Boabby Lashley.

Shane controlling Lashley with an MMA submission hold. Does Lashley still fight btw? Has he gone up against anyone worth a damn yet? How about the first ever triple threat MMA match? Punk Vs Lashley Vs Lesnar!!!

BEAR HUG~! GIVE THIS MATCH A MILLION STARS~!

WWE ban Piledrivers and shit because they are dangerous, but don’t do anything about Bear Hugs? Do they have any idea how dangerous they are to the RATINGS?!??!

Shane is looking awesome in this match. He tags in after the bear hug and a Samoan Drop, then just fucking unloads with forearms onto Bobby’s back and he looks more brutal and stiffer than the rest of the roster at the time bar like Finlay, Regal and Benoit.

Lashley’s come back is nice, even if the set up was escaping a booooring rest hold. Shane continues to impress me with his bumping ability.

SPEAR TO UMAGA~!

LASHLEY GETS HOLD OF VINCE~! Powerslam coming up and… Shane grabs his leg to stop him, and Umaga decks him.

ECW TITLE TO THE FACE~! Shane could win the match, but Vince wants to be the ECW champion!!!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Well, if the title to the face doesn’t do it, the Samoan Bulldozer will!

SPASH FROM THE ROPES~!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Lashley does not want to lose the ECW title!

Vince sends Umaga back in to finish the job once and for all.

ANOTHER SPLASH~!

Vince tags in, makes another cover and…

THE NEW ECW CHAMPION… VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON!!!

A mostly fun match. Shane ruled and Lashley was pretty good too. Umaga was fine, and Vince was just there to get the win .

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

Joey Styles going mental on commentary and then Vince running into a bunch of ECW originals and mocking them might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Since that double splits spot earlier in the show… .

The Undertaker Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match

.

First move is a boot to the fucking FACE from Undertaker . They ain’t gonna waste time locking up here, not when it’s a Last Man Standing match!!!

Undertaker is going into this match injured, and would be the injury that causes him to drop the title and have surgery . If it wasn’t for the bicep injury, he was apparently supposed to get a lengthy title run. Would have been awesome .

Batista almost drops ‘Taker while attempting to power him up for a running powerslam. Thankfully he is able to still bring him down to the mat with a slam and not drop him on his head .

Anyone else think the Last Man Standing match needs to be… re-worked? I mean, we REALLY don’t need those count attempts from a fucking slam, do we? EVERYONE knows it’s gonna take at least a finishing move to end the match, and on a PPV between two monsters like this, it’s gonna take something HUGE. Is it a Texas Death Match where you have to pin your opponent before the referee will start the 10 count? That at least makes sense. If you can pin em, then you might have a good chance of keeping them down for a full 10 count. A slam 2 minutes into the match ain’t gonna do SHIT.

Every year around this time (it’s March for those who read this after it’s posted lol), rumours circulate about Undertaker’s condition and it’s usually something along the lines of “he’s fucking dead” but it turns out “he’s in great shape for a guy at 50 who has been wrestling for as long as he has”. Point being, how on EARTH is this man still able to walk? The crazy bumps he takes into the steps knees first is insane. Foley already has trouble moving around because of the shit he did, and Undertaker can’t be far behind, right?

The referee for this match is MICKIE HENSON… who USED to be called Mickie Jay, but they changed his name cos it sounded too similar to Mickie James .

Anyway, the match lol. Yeah it’s great. It’s 2 heavyweights battling for the WHC. Their WM match was spectacular. Their SD cage match is often forgotten because it didn’t happen on PPV, and that’s a shame because it’s awesome. Cyber Sunday is my personal favourite of their series. Hell in a Cell is still to come. And here we have their LMS match, and yeah, it’s still awesome. Probably the weakest of their PPV series (in 2007), but that’s just a testament to how epic their series was. Who knew Batista could not only have a great match… but a SERIES of great matches? And who did it take to get that out of him? The motherfucking UNDERTAKER. HHH failed, but the Dead Man didn’t .

STEEL STEPS TO THE FUCKING FACE~! Batista is bleeding and almost lost the match right there! See, I can at least buy a 7 or 8 count from THAT rather than a slam.

Undertaker sees the blood flowing from Batista’s face and immediately starts punching the open wound .

At WM, Batista put Undertaker through the announce table. So for revenge, it’s Undertaker’s turn! LEG DROP THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Batista was blasted in the fact with steel steps, busted open, punched in the face and THEN driven through a table and… HE’S UP AT 9!!! THE ANIMAL IS STILL IN THE MATCH!!!

SPEAR~! Batista with a spear OUT OF NOWHERE! That’ll buy him some time to rest and maybe even get the win! Nah, not the win.

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

SPINEBUSTER~!

3 fucking Spinebusters in a row! Batista knows he needs to hit everything he can in order to keep Undertaker down.

Well, the Spinebuster didn’t work, so time for a Batista Bom… CHOKESLAM~!

Both men are down and hurting. Will we get a draw? Nah, that’d be a bullshit finish… .

Ha, cool to see Undertaker being the one to mount the corner for punches and get POWERBOMBED!

The Undertaker barely makes it back to his feet, and Batista cannot believe it. Time for a steel chair! RIGHT IN THE FACE~!

Batista doesn’t even give the referee a chance to count, as he picks Undertaker up for a Batista Bomb on the chair… but gets a back body drop for his troubles!

TOMBSTONE~! It won Undertaker the WHC at WM, and now he’s depending on it to win here.

BATISTA IS UP!!! What is it going to take to keep either man down?!?!

They work their way up to the top of the stage, hoping that they can try their luck outside of the ring, since nothing in the ring has worked.

They keep teasing something big off the stage, but nothing comes of it until…

SPEAR~! SPEAR OFF THE STAGE~! BOTH MEN CRASH DOWN TO THE FLOOR AS PART OF THE SET FALLS ON TOP OF THEM!!!

The match ends in a draw, with both men fucking DEAD from that huge bump. A great way to keep the series going, and not have one guy look THAT much better than the other buy surviving the LMS match.

Yeah, I love this. Undertaker and Batista beat the absolute FUCK out of each other, hitting their big moves, before going for it all with a bump off the stage. Pretty much exactly what the match should have been and needed to be.

Rating: ****1/4
CAL SCALE – 6

John Cena Vs Shawn Michaels Vs Edge Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

A text vote was cast and Cena got 50% of the votes to win this match. FIFTY PERCENT. Out of 4 possibly choices. These days he’d be lucky to get 20% probably lol.

So the fans give Cena a 50 & chance of winning, but in reality he only has a TWENTY FIVE PERCENT CHANCE .

We get a 4 man version of the spot from the Vengeance 2002 triple threat, where Angle was trying to get the attention of Rock and Undertaker, and ended up getting decked in the face. This time it’s HBK and Cena getting in each other’s face and Edge & Orton wanting the attention.

After those two halfwits get decked, HBK and Cena go at it as a continuation of their 45 minute war from Raw the previous week .

Aaaaand that lasts about 30 seconds before Rated RKO show up again, clear house, then have a staredown of their own which doesn’t get much of a reaction tbh lol.

This match reminds me, I should watch that lengthy Raw match between HBK and Cena again soon, as well as the Orton Vs Edge match from around this time as well. Remember both very fondly, but haven’t seen either for some time.

MOOOOOOOONSAULT~! HBK takes out everyone!!!

DOUBLE LEG DROP~! Cena hit both HBK and Edge with that top rop leg drop while his opponent bends over . Basically a super Fameasser, right? The Cenasser?

Whole match is a fast paced action packed crazy fun MOVES~! fest. And that’s not always a bad thing. When done right, guys going out and going all out like this can be a ton of fun, and this is one of those times where I can sit back and ENJOY them doing it.

Finishing stretch is crazy as fuck, with everyone busting out as many finishers and big moves as possible.

F-U TO ORTON~! SWEET CHIN TO CENA~! CENA LANDS ON ORTON~! CENA RETAINS THE TITLE~!

Did we ever get another Cena/HBK match after this to finish their rivalry? Cena had the win at WM, HBK got the win on Raw, and then Cena only retains the title here because HBK kicked him on top of Orton… so unfinished business, right? All I remember is HBK goes on to a feud with Orton, gets taken out for 4 months and when he comes back Cena is out injured too lol.

Anyway, good main event. A ton of fun for sure, though I still think it gets a little overrated at times. Doesn’t even come close to the GOAT 4 way from IYH Final Four in 1997!

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 15.5

Cyber Sunday 2007

I still firmly believe WWE should bring this show back for the WWE Network or something.

Finlay Vs Rey Mysterio – Stretcher Match

They had a match at the last PPV, and Finlay faked an injury. He was carried out on a stretcher, then jumped Rey and beat the fuck out of him. So no surprise the fans voted for a Stretcher Match here tonight!!!

Wow, people are watching this show in Scotland AND the UK!!! JBL is so smrt .

Rey takes that sliding bump from the inside of the ring to the outside, but instead of landing on the floor, he lands on the stretcher .

The other options for this match were No DQ and Sheleighly on a Pole. Thing is… a stretcher match is No DQ anyway… and they actually set up a pole with the sheleighly on top of it… so technically the fans get ALL 3 matches in one .

Sheleighly to Rey’s knee! Then somehow he manages to run and jump around right after. Come on Rey, you know better than that…

Match is a super fun brawl and some nice use of the stretcher too. Love the modified 619 that put Finlay on the stretcher. Rey completely ignores to sell his knee though which does suck.

the finish is botched when a cable gets caught up in the wheels of the stretcher, preventing Rey from pushing Finlay over the line . They improvise and Finlay still loses and it’s all ok in the end .

Good stuff, had some problems, but still fun as hell. They’ve had a bunch of better matches though.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Fuck me, what happened to Matt Hardy’s face lol? He can’t compete tonight so MVP will defend his title against either Kane, Henry or Khali.

The divas are all dressed up and we have to vote for who has the best costume. Maria is a cat. Victoria is in one of those fat suits as a sumo wrestler .

CM Punk Vs The Miz – ECW Championship Match

Choices were BIG DADDY V, John Morrison and The Miz. And who the fuck did everyone pick? The Miz? Dear people. Get you heads examined. Thanks.

So I’ve almost seen all of Punk’s 2007 PPV matches now. And his 2007 on PPV was awful . A series of terrible matches with Morrison, a god awful match with Burke, a match with Miz here, and that couple minute match with BDV that could have been awesome if they gave it some more time and an actual finish. Guess they were just building him up for the WHC . It is WWE’s style, after all…

Vince McMahon: “I like this guy, I want him to be the champion in about 6 months time”.

Creative: “Ok Vince. We’ll book him in shitty matches and have him lose as often as possible and look pathetic right up until he wins the belt out of nowhere.

Vince McMahon: “Excellent”.

Miz forgets to move out of the way of a cross body. HE FORGETS TO MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. Leaving Punk to just land awkwardly on him.

Punk wins in another disaster of a PPV match for him in 2007.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Mickie James is an Indian Warrior Princess. The hottest one ever according to her. I’d have to agree. Torrie Wilson is dressed like a man.

Time to find out who faces Orton in the WWE Title Match later tonight. HBK, Kennedy or Hardy? HBK, duh. Which means, Jeff Hardy and Mr Kennedy face each other next! Nice chance from the two losers getting a tag title match lol. Kennedy got 10%.

Jeff Hardy Vs Mr Kennedy

Headlocks. Yey. Wouldn’t mind if they knew how to work a headlock spot.

What a dull start to this match lol.

Mr Kennedy wins.

I swear that’s all I have to say about this one. They just… there was.. I mean… what?

No match structure, no story, just 2 guys doing something to fill time on a PPV.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

More divas in costumes. Melina looks like a tranny in her showgirl outfit. That’s disturbing.

Foley is practising for potentially being the referee in the main event by… talking to cut outs of Taker and Batista . JBL interrupts him with a video promoting HIM for the referee instead .

MVP Vs Kane – WWE United States Championship Match

So the fans picked Kane. Bah, why not Henry?

How long had Vickie been on TV at this point btw? Because she had a 1 line promo before the match and sounded more wooden than… uhhh… a plank of wood? I CAN’T BE FUNNY ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW.

Of course the fans picked Kane anyway. He’s the only fucking babyface out of the 3 choices. Plus he has the history with MVP so the fans really didn’t have much of a choice. Oh WWE, you claim to give the fans the power, then manipulate them to vote for who YOU want. Unless the system fucks up and some random dude gets picked instead .

Kane has injured ribs thanks to Big Daddy V on Smackdown, so MVP obviously goes after them. Aaaand then Kane gets really pissed and goes out of his way to fuck up MVP’s ribs so he can feel the same pain .

MVP gets his ribs so fucked up he gets counted out. Actually looked like a “genuine” way to get counted out than a heel just trying to keep his title lol. I mean, Kane FUCKED HIM UP lol.

Match was fine. Didn’t last too long and Kane did most of the work.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Layla is a bad cop. Kelly Kelly is a pimp. Huh, some role reversal for her, then?

Randy Orton Vs Shawn Michaels – WWE Championship Match

HBK continues his STREAK of not losing in fan votes at Cyber Sunday to be placed into the championship match lol.

Don’t remember this match at all, and not expecting anything from it either. I seem to just remember it being a feud advancer for their Survivor Series match (which I get to watch soon ). Oh wait, I do remember the finish lol.

A superkick attempt early on forces Orton to shit himself and run to the outside . Then HBK does a dive over the ropes… and I *think* he wanted to just do his usual crossbody move… but he seemed to overshoot himself and ended up doing a flip .

So, Orton put HBK out of action for 4 months with a concussion. And HBK’s response to this is… arm work.

Back suplex on the ring apron puts Orton in controller now and… his arm is suddenly healed!

Oh wait, no, Orton showed some signs of pain in his arm. About 2 minutes after using it a couple of times… .

Honestly I was pretty bored with this whole thing. Mostly felt like they were wasting time rather than trying to have a great match.

And for it to end with a punch to the balls is meh as fuck too. Thankfully their SVS match is tremendous.

Best part of this was HBK hitting the superkick AFTER the match.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Triple H Vs Umaga – Street Fight

Options were street fight, cage and first blood. And the fans went with STREET FIGHT? The fans boo when it isn’t a cage match lol, and I’m sure Vince isn’t too pleased cos they put a lot of effort into building it as a cage match .

I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered what kind of match this was. Based on previous encounters, I’m not thrilled at the prospect of sitting through this one. And if it was a cage match, HHH would probably have needed to be the heel in order to put in a good performance.

Brawling, and then for no reason other than being in position, Umaga disappears behind the Cyber Sunday set so he can get speared through it .

No expense spared with the set piece, either. Looked like it was made out of CARDBOARD.

HHH keeps punching Umaga, who just won’t fall down. So HHH goes outside, under the ring and pulls out…

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT’S TIME FOR THE CYBER SUNDAY WEAPON OF CHOICE GAME!!!

HHH is trying to knock down the monster Umaga, but his right hand isn’t working. He goes under the ring for a weapon, but which does he choose?

A). The Sledgehammer

B). A steel chair.

C). A trash can.

D). Brass Knucks.

If you said A, B or D, then you are a fucking moron because OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY WEAPON TO TAKE DOWN UMAGA IS A FUCKING PAPER THIN TRASH CAN!!! Thanks for playing!

OH SHIT, THINGS JUST PICKED UP . UMAGA APPLIES A BEAR HUG!!!

A steel chair finally comes into the match and… gets used for a fucking low blow .

RUNNING SPLASH THROUGH THE TABLE~! In the absence of the Spanish Announce Table, the ECW one gets taken out. the ECW commentators aren’t even there . Did they just show up to commentate the ONE ECW match on the show then fuck off? Seems kinda pointless to me lol.

Sledgehammer to the face, Pedigree, HHH wins.

Had like 2 minutes worth of stuff that didn’t suck. And not altogether either. Spread across the entire match.

Rating: 1/2*
CAL SCALE – 0

Biggest moment of the night… who wins the diva Halloween costume competition?!?! My vote is for Mickie. Yey she won too . Not much competition though, most of the others looked pretty awful lol.

Batista Vs The Undertaker – Special Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin – World Heavyweight Championship Match

been waiting for this one. Had to sit through a shitty event to see it but now I’m here.

All 3 potential referees come out to the ring and when Austin gets picked, we have us a brawl . AUSTIN TAKES SOME BUMPS!!! And then ends up stunning both guys .

So I’m half way into this match and yet to write anything until now lol. I just sat back to WATCH IT because it’s awesome . Love the start to the match with Batista charging at ‘Taker with a spear, just like he did at WM, but this time Undertaker is ready and avoids it, and tries to boot Batista in the face, but he too sees it coming and gets out of the way. From there it’s a slow build as they lock up and try to power each other around, before going into full “KILL EACH OTHER” mode!

The match is just a back and forth SLUGFEST between two heavyweights, one of whom happens to be one of the best ever. The other being Batista, duh. Austin as ref is literally there to try and increase buyrates because as a referee he does fuck all pretty much .

Remember when a chokeslam from Undertaker was actually believable as a finisher lol? I miss those days .

Man, Batista can’t throw a punch for shit. LOL.

The last 5 minutes or so are filled with both men hitting their big moves, which I think fits perfectly here as both men are hyped up by WWE are two unstoppable monsters, so they are going to have to hit EVERYTHING they’ve got, MULTIPLE TIMES to win. Kinda like Brock these days. He ain’t going down to one finisher… any more .

BATISTA BOMB~!

1…2… KICK OUT~!

Can Batista beat Undertaker? He hasn’t thus far in their 2007 rivalry, and so far the Spear, Spinebuster AND Batista Bomb have failed him.

But if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

BATISTA BOMB~!

And this time it IS over! Batista finally gets a win over the Dead Man and retains his title! They are now at 1 win each and 2 draws… so this isn’t over yet! HIAC here we come .

Lawler says it best (believe it or not) when he calls this match a WAR. Because that’s what it was. Two unstoppable monsters going to fucking WAR with each other for the World Heavyweight Championship. I love it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Always been my favourite of their series and still continues to be.

Rating: ****1/2
CAL SCALE – 7

Overall CAL SCALE – 9.5

Judgment Day 2007

Boy oh boy does this look utter shite on paper lol.

Ric Flair Vs Carlito

No thanks.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

HBK is being interviewed about being kicked in the head on Raw. Orton attacks him from behind. LOL.

Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga Vs Bobby Lashley – ECW Championship Match

Vince McMahon is the ECW Champion. So he probably ranks up there as one of the best ECW Champions ever because the original ECW sucked . Ok, got the original ECW hate out of the way, maybe I can concentrate on this match… .

Fuck me, this lasted like, 2 minutes . Lashley runs through everyone and pins Shane.

Umaga attacks Lashley from behind after the match.

Vince announces that to become ECW Champion, Lashley needed to beat HIM.

Ok so… this was kinda pointless?

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

CM Punk Vs Elijah Burke

Heard that this is HILARIOUSLY BAD. So fuck it, I’m gonna watch it. But expecting it to be horrible, so hopefully I’ll laugh at it rather than get angry at it .

It’s like they are both being controlled by 2 kids with Xbox controllers or something. The kids are just button mashing and hoping they will hit enough moves randomly to win .

at the commentators trying to figure out what the fuck happened when Punk ran at Burke and just kinda flopped over the ropes to the floor.

My god it just keeps going. It’s like the Duracell Bunny. Except Duracell batteries are useful. This is just utterly pointless lol. They are just going through the motions until it’s time to go home.

Fans are so bored they decide to chant for JBL.

why do they have so much time? WHY? Is this ever gonna end? Did they book it as an Iron Man match and forget to tell the fans?

This match was ONLY 16:50 according to Wiki? Bullshit. Was at least 54:20 imo.

Biggest waste of time EVER.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Randy Orton Vs Shawn Michaels

Was just gonna ask if Orton had turned babyface for a week or something cos he got a massive pop… then I realised the PPV is in St Louis .

HBK apparently can’t wrestle due to a concussion or whatever, so Orton demands to be declared the winner. HBK comes out anyway.

The referee begs Shawn to not compete, but he demands the bell to be rang. The bell rings, and Orton rings HBK’s bell with a right hand to the head.

DDT~!

HBK kicks out!

A kick to the face and Orton can barely even lift HBK up for an RKO, so he just drops him instead. HBK is practically DEAD, and the referee seems to think he’s still ok to continue .

Shawn does a good job selling the head injury, especially with the elbow drop from the top rope lol. Orton stuck him up there, but Shawn scratches Orton’s eyes and manages to push him to the mat, then he just kinda falls off the ropes for an elbow drop rather than get any kind of height or distance.

HBK IS TUNING UP THE BAND~!

SWEET CHIN MUSI… HBK collapses .

The referee FINALLY calls for the bell.

Was HBK injured at this point btw? Just wondering why they did the whole concussion angle with Orton taking him out for months, because the company DEFINITELY needed him in 07 well before he returned, what with Undertaker, Edge and Cena all getting injured.

Match is short and stuff. Just there to advance the story. A story that wouldn’t continue until months later when HBK returned .

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Ooooo yey, a Khali promo!

The Hardy Boys Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – World Tag Team Championship Match

JBL talking about Cade & Murdoch: “I don’t know what they’re thinking but I disagree with it” .

Trevor Murdoch is rough, tough and in you MOUTH . Well done, Cole!

Weird match in the early going as they just go back and forth, exchanging hip tosses and arm drags etc. Unusual for Cade and Murdoch to do that. I could understand the Hardys doing that to try and gain the advantage, hoping to keep the pace going the way they want it, avoiding their opponents slowing shit down and turning it into a fight… but C&M are doing the exact same stuff lol.

They do a really short FIP, then a hot tag to Jeff, before Cade & Murdoch regroup on the outside for a few moments.

When they get back into the ring it becomes something of a “proper” match, with Jeff being isolated and mauled. This is where the match FINALLY picks up and gets me interested.

CANADIAN DESTROYER BY TREVOR FUCKING MURDOCH~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

It’s all downhill from here now. Not just this match. But the rest of wrestling. Forever. Trevor Murdoch hitting a Canadian Destroyer is wrestling’s peak.

Hot tag!

Twist of Fate + Swanton Bomb!

Hardy Boys retain their titles.

Fun match, though it did start a little odd lol. CANADIAN DESTROYER BY TREVOR FUCKING MURDOCH~!

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Cool video package for Edge, Vs Batista with Ozzy Osbourne “I don’t wanna stop” playing over it. Loved that song. He did it live on a Smackdown around this time too, right?

Edge Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Ok, so is THIS is the match people point to as being the good one between the two? Because I’ve sat through their other 07 PPV matches so far and they’ve been trash. Yet I know people tend to think highly of ONE of them. Since the others are shit, this one has to be it, right? RIGHT?

It better fucking be cos I’m sick of watching them have wank matches together. Not wanking matches, that would be disturbing as fuck. Wank as in shit. Trash. Rubbish. Awful. Terrible. Useless. Boring. Dull.

Like how they try to make it look like a big epic match with the referee explaining the rules as if it was a big boxing match. Wrestling needs more of that tbh. Anything to try and give matches a big fight feel.

oooooowwwww fuck fuck fuck. Currently drinking one of those hot blackcurrent drinks with stuff in it to help with cold and flu. Drank half of it fine. Then suddenly my last mouthful of it was like 10x hotter than the rest of the drink and I ended up spitting it out into my hands. Now my hands feel like they are on fire . Ah crap, some dribbled down onto my favourite Iron Man t-shirt . Hope it comes out in the wash…

Edge works over Batist’a injured leg.

Batista makes a comeback.

Batista’s leg hurts after hitting some offence.

Edge rolls up Batista for the win.

This felt more like a Superstars match tbh.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Chris Benoit Vs MVP – 2 out of 3 Falls United States Championship Match

Don’t think I’ve seen this match since it aired in 07. Seen their WM match a little more recently (a couple of years ago lol), and it was… ok. Nothing special. Hoping to find something fun about this match at the very least.

seriously? They are working the match around leg work? Right after Batista/Edge JUST DID IT THE MATCH BEFORE?

First fall was… just there. Felt like the Batista/Edge match tbh lol. Just a pile of nothingness that could have been on Superstars and not felt out of place.

Finish to the fall was… ok. Benoit had MVP up for an electric chair, but his leg gave out on him and MVP countered into the Playmaker for the win.

Second fall starts and… Benoit is dominated as if HE won the first fall lol.

“Any time you stick any limb near Benoit he grabs it” .

“this is boring” chant .

Best part of the second fall is one of the little battles they have when Benoit tries to apply the Crossface. And then MVP wins anyway. 2 straight falls. I’d say “way to bury Benoit” but he would do a better job himself later in the year .

Has Benoit EVER had a good 2/3 falls match that wasn’t against Angle? This sucks, and the Jericho one from SS 00 sucks too.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

John Cena Vs The Great Khali – WWE Championship Match

Khali has a NINE INCH size advantage over Cena .

Genuinely enjoyed their… ONS match or whenever it was after this, and so far this one is shaping up to be just as fun. Khali is powering Cena around like he’s nothing, and Cena is selling every shot like a bullet to the chest.

And then the fun stops as Khali applies that god damn motherfucking piece of shit nerve grip hold. HOW MANY FECKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO NOT USE THAT BASTARDING HOLD? STOP. IT. NOW.

Cena fights back and slowly makes a comeback, then applies the STFU and makes Khali TAP OUT!!! But Khali’s foot was clearly under the ropes. Even TOUCHED the ropes at one point. Oh well.

This was ok, but didn’t seem to get going compared to their next match.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Overall CAL SCALE – 2

The Great American Bash 2007

I remember nothing from this event. Either it’s for a reason (aka the show sucked), or my mind just isn’t what it ice cream.

MVP Vs Matt Hardy – WWE United States Championship Match

Time to see if Matt can drag MVP to a good match. If anyone can it’s Matt Hardy, but MVP still sucks so bad even the best wrestlers struggle to do anything decent with him .

Well, this was a surprise . They work a nice, snug competitive match, something you’d see on a regular basis on Smackdown in 2006, and every now and then still in 07, like here.

MVP looks better than usual, but damn, Matt Hardy is on a whole other level. How fucking good is this guy? Still sucks that it was Jeff that ended up being the more popular Hardy and got the big title push .

Wish I’d wrote more about this match, but I was too busy simply ENJOYING it . Best MVP match? Can’t think of anything that comes remotely close tbh. Matt Hardy brings out the absolute best in people. Which makes me wish we got a big match between him and Christian in 2009 on ECW or something, rather than the Hardy Vs Hardy feud lol. They could have torn the fucking house down on any card that year.

So the Playmaker ends the match and MVP retains. God, the Playmaker has to be one of the worst finishers, up there with the People’s Elbow.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Dusty Rhodes shows up. Aaand my memory of this event starts to come back. He has a Bullrope match with Orton . Dusty starts telling a story about cows . Then he moos. FOR NO REASON .

Jimmy Wang Yang Vs Shannon Moore Vs Funaki Vs Jamie Noble Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Open Match

Cole: “Anyone is eligible for this Cruiserweight open as long as they are Cruiserweights” WELL FUCKING DUH.

I’m rooting for Funaki. Or Moore. Or Noble. Or Yang.

Hornswoggle randomly runs into the ring then hides under it. OH GOD IS THIS WHEN HE WINS AND THE TITLE DISAPPEARS FOREVER?

Typical multi-man CW match. Everyone just keeps running in to hit moves before getting taken out by someone else coming in to hit moves. Yawn.

Yep… Hornswoggle wins the title. Despite never being announced for the match. And thus ends the CW title because Vince is a prick.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

The Sandman Vs Carlito – Singapore Cane on a Poll Match

*facepalm*

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Melina Vs Candice Michelle – WWE Women’s Championship Match

I was considering watching this match when Melina came out. Then I realised who her opponent was.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Jeff Hardy Vs Umaga – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

So Matt Hardy got a great match out of a useless fuckwad like MVP earlier. So surely Umaga can get something good out of Jeff Hardy, who isn’t entirely awful, right?

Lol, the ref tells Umaga to watch the throat after he uppercuts Jeff. HIS FUCKING FINISHER IS A THUMB TO THE THROAT. I don’t think he cares, ref .

Umaga is a beat, just destroying Hardy in fun fashion, allowing Jeff to stick to his strength of taking a beating. Aaaaaand then Umaga applies that fucking nerve grip. BAN THE FUCKING NERVE GRIP. AND THE BEARHUG. BAN EM BOTH.

, had to pause the video to go get a drink, and the moment I clicked play again, I just heard the words “Barbeque sandwich” from JR. NO IDEA WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH .

Once again the referee tries to make Umaga stop something, this time to stop using the ropes to leap in the air and crush Jeff. Umaga immediately does the exact same thing, only for Jeff to get his knee up and catch Umaga!!! Guess he should have listened to the ref .

Hardy is building momentum now, capitalising on Umaga driving his own head into the mat on a missed headbutt! A mix of speed and high flying offence looks to send Jeff to the IC title, but the MONSTER Umaga just doesn’t stop! THE SAMOAN TERMINATOR~!

UMAGA SMASHES HIS OWN HEAD INTO THE RING POST~!

SWANTON BOMB~!

HOLY FUCK UMAGA KICKED OUT~! Genuinely thought the match was over there lol. Don’t remember who wins!

SUPER KICK~!

BUM SMASH~!

SAMOAN SPIKE~!

Umaga retains his title and comes out looking like a true fucking beast!

Great match! Umaga looked great, Jeff looked great, both guys stuck to what they are best at, and they meshed together tremendously.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Liking how they are building up the main event throughout the night with video packages for both men. It’s getting me hyped lol.

John Morrison Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

Nice little moment with Punk hitting a Tully Blanchard suplex, here at the Great American Bash.

Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the best part of the match tbh. These two have a bad track record on PPV .

Trashy Mess.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Randy Orton Vs Dusty Rhodes – Texas Bullrope Match

I just… no. I have no desire to watch Dusty in his “prime”, never mind in 2007.

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

The Great Khali Vs Kane Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

Remember when Kane disguised himself as the Burger King so he could attack Edge, and ended up injuring him? Fun times .

And then Khali won the WHC and the fun times were done.

Why do they always have ring announcers tell you how tall someone is ONLY when they are 7ft or above lol? “COMING DOWN TO THE RING, STANDING AROUND 5 FEET TALL, ONE OF THE DIVAS”

Oh ffs, we aren’t even 5 minutes into this and there is a fucking Nerve Grip. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL THEM TO STOP IT?!?!

Sweet jebus, just when Kane shows up to break the hold… Khali puts it on him too.

Well bugger me, Khali with a Chokeslam? To both men? Did he EVER use that move again lol?

They all end up on the outside and just club the fuck out of each other and the match turns fun for a few moments . DOUBLE SPINEBUSTER TO KHALI THROUGH THE TABLE~!

Khali sells the table spot for about 2 minutes before getting back in the ring lol.

CHOKESLAM TO KHALI~!

Ya know, I’m actually enjoying this . Khali isn’t in it much, and Kane and Batista beat the fuck out of each other which is super fun.

Everyone is throwing BOMBS at each other, desperate to win before the third man can show up and break up the cover. just after I wrote that, JBL says “we’ve got guys throwing BOMBS at each other”. STOP STEALING MY SHIT, JOHN!!!

Unfortunately Khali does retain. I was rooting (ROOT) for Kane back in the day.

Yeah, I had fun with this .

Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2

Video hyping HHH’s return for SummerSlam. King Booker comes out afterwards. Guessing this is to start their feud. Urgh. He wants Lawler to give up his crown because Booker is the only true King, apparently…

John Cena Vs Bobby Lashley – WWE Championship Match

Having a bunch of legends comment on the match for the hype video really makes this match seem HUGE. Wonder how Lashley would have turned out if he didn’t leave WWE.

Big fight feel .

Starts out like you would expect from a big face vs face match. They lock up, they do the old test of strength spots, then they just go from there.

And where they go from there is having Lashley display his amateur skills and using his power and athleticism to make him look as good of an all rounder and big threat to Cena as possible. All the while Cena does a bit of brawling and throws in some of his awkward “modified” moves.

Terrific spot with Cena avoiding a clothesline from Lashley, and it’s one of those where Lashley looked like he wanted to fucking MUDER Cena with the move, and he would have if it hit, so Cena had to have perfect timing to avoid it, and it was done really well and looked awesome .

according to Lawler and JR, Cena has NEVER faced anyone with the kind of wrestling skills that Lashley has. Seems Angle didn’t go to TNA in 06; he was simply removed from existence! Then Lawler follows up with the “especially someone with the kind of strength Lashley has too”. And somewhere Lesnar just bursts out laughing and doesn’t know why. I do, Brock. I do.

Lashley is on top form here, just on the offence all the time, no wasted motion. He exploded out of nowhere with power and smashed Cena’s ribs down onto his shoulder, and form there Lashley focused on the mid-section of the champ.

F-U~! Cena with an F-U out of nowhere, but he’s too fucked up to cover straight away, and Lashley is able to kick out and recover quicker than Cena.

SPEA… STFU~! And it looks as shitty as ever lol .

SPEAR~!

KICK OUT~!

So Lashley got to kick out of an F-U, but only after taking almost no damage in the match up to that point, and having Cena wait about a minute before going for the cover. Cena on the other hand, has taken all this punishment and kicks out of a SPEAR straight away. LOL.

SUPER F-U~!

And with that, Cena retains.

Great match here. Made Lashley look like he could really be the FUTURE if he wanted to. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, he didn’t want to and he left. TNA are trying to make him their FUTURE, but being the future of TNA is like getting a promotion at work right before it closes down .

The match has a great atmosphere to it as well, with the big fight feel that I love so much, and the crowd being super into it all, but being very, very split as to who they wanted to win. Unusual for Cena to not get booed to shit on PPV in a title match around this time .

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

Overall CAL SCALE – 11

SummerSlam 2007

Well, time to torture myself!

So this is the 20th SummerSlam. Did they honestly think this card was worthy of being such a high profile event?

Event has been sold out since Jan. Feel sorry for all those people who bought tickets without knowing the card .

Kane Vs Finlay

Well, looks like the show is going to get off to a decent start. Have a feeling it all goes downhill from here though .

Oh my god, are you kidding me? This is ANOTHER KANE FEUD BASED ON SPILT COFFEE?

Well, all I can say is, that coffee must have been DAMN HOT because Kane is out to MURDER the Irishman. Probably as STIFF as Kane has ever been .

Kane absolutely dominates and mauls Finlay early on, and seems to be working more of a SMASH MOUTH style match than you might expect from him, despite the fact he usually does like to smash people in the face lol.

Finlay finds an opportunity to gain control of Kane, and does a little rib work (Kane’s ribs are taped up), but Kane is still so fired up he just keeps coming back and Finlay is back on defence.

Finlay tries to get Hornswoggle involved to help him, but the midget is terrified. Pretty sure Kane just botched knocked Hornswoggle’s hat off .

CHOKESLAM~! No wait! Kane’s ribs are fucked and he can’t get Finlay up! NOW is the time for Finlay to turn the match around!

The sheleighly gets involved, and we have the old “ref takes it away only for Finlay to bring out another one” spot, but not even a shot to the ribs can keep the Big Red Monster down!

CHOKESLAM TO FINLAY~! KANE WINS!!!

Huh, not really sure how I feel about this match. Kane dominated 90% of it, despite the fact Finlay is one of the toughest bastards ever AND Kane was injured. Very odd. Fun to watch and a good fight, Kane looked good, but yeah, not quite how I thought the match was gonna go.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

at Regal. Vince shows up in the GM room to find that there are no women for this big SummerSlam party. So Regal blurts out “I TOLD YOU TO GET THE SCRUBBERS” .

Santino is there because… yeah. MVP shows up and wants Vince to make a “competition” between him and Matt Hardy.

Oh man, Regal killed it during the entire segment .

Umaga Vs Mr Kennedy Vs Carlito – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

SO uhhh… everyone in this match is a heel, right? Bet the fans will be into this one .

Umaga doesn’t give a shit, and takes on both men at once because he’s a fucking savage. Kennedy and Carlito try to work together, but their combined talent doesn’t equal Umaga’s .

Ok, so Umaga is a fucking MONSTER. At the start of the year he was mauling John Cena. Yet here, in typical truple threat fashion, he gets drop kicked out of the ring and is out of the match for a while. God I hate normal triple threat formulas lol. The Armageddon 07 triple threat was sooo much better.

OMG KENNEDY JUST SMASHED A MONITOR ONTO THE RINGPOST… I MEAN UMAGA’S HEAD. HONEST! IT TOTALLY CONNECTED WITH UMAGA’S HEAD AND NOT THE RING POST. YEY~!

Umaga still wins.

Whatever.

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Rey Mysterio Vs Chavo Guerrero

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

Torrie Wilson Vs Victoria Vs Kristal Vs Michelle McCool Vs Kelly Kelly Vs Brooke Vs Layla Vs Melina Vs Mickie James Vs Beth Phoenix – #1 Contendership for the WWE Women’s Championship Battle Royal Match

I think I wrote down everyone. Probably not. Don’t really care .

Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1

MVP and Matt Hardy do one of their competition things. It’s a beer drinking contest. Hardy is a pussy and picks a substitute, to get revenge for the boxing match they had when MVP subbed Holyfield for himself. Who is Matt’s sub? STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN~!

at Austin warming up . That’s the sign of a professional right there!

STUNNER~!

We return backstage to the party in Vince’s office. The GOAT moment of 2007 takes place:

John Morrison Vs CM Punk – ECW Championship Match

what the fuck is this? It’s like they planned out a 30 minute match, only to find out there were getting 7 minutes, but decided to keep EVERYTHING in anyway .

No time for any selling, no time for ANYTHING really. They do moves and follow it up with moves and then some more moves. Twice Morrison tried to slow Punk down with a rest hold, but the moment they went to the mat in the hold, Punk was already fighting back out .

Currently on Wikipedia looking up the time of the match so I could make my point better lol… and it turns out only TWO matches on the entire show go longer than 10 minutes . Only 1 more goes over 8 . The total time for matches, on a THREE HOUR PPV is 1 hour 17 minutes .

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

King Booker Vs Triple H

HHH returns after yet another quad injury. And he decided to return and squash Booker T . I watched just because I find it hilarious. Because Booker T sucks. Duh.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

The Great Khali Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

this show just gets worse and worse .

Surprisingly Khali isn’t too bad on offence… except for that sodding nerve grip. God I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE FUCKING H.A.T.E. THAT FUCKING HOLD. STOP IT. It should be banned.

KHALI BOMB~!

BATISTA KICKS OUT~!

Khali, despite DOMINATING this entire match… whacks Batista with a chair and gets DQ’d.

Well. That was pointless . Not as awful as I was expecting though .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Match

People tend to cream over this match. Those people can BURN IN HELL. No Way Out 2008 is the only match between these two men that you ever really need to see. EVER. Their matches should have ended there.

Well, the match starts off fun at least. Crowd are HOT for this one. They fucking hate Cena and are practically BEGGING for Orton (or anyone really) to take the damn title from Mr Hustle, Loyalty and Dullness. They go bakc and forth, exchanging basic holds and trying to gain control, until Cena gets blasted off the apron and crashes face first into the announce table, and it quickly becomes Orton’s match.

Sleeper hold > Cena escapes > Runs the ropes > Gets hit by Orton/Misses a move > Sleeper hold. Rinse. Repeat. Me fall asleep.

That was the main portion of the match. Seriously. Urgh. Things pick up again towards the end at least. Fuck me though, can Cena do ANYTHING without running the ropes?

Cena Superman’s out of nowhere and applies the STFU, and Orton’s head nearly falls out from between Cena’s arms because he doesn’t seem to be able to apply the fucking submission properly. 8 years on and he STILL can’t do it either .

RKO~!

Of course, Cena kicks out. Duh. A finishing move FINISHING a match? LOL as if!

F-U out of nowhere~! Orton kicks out… oh wait no. Cena wins lol.

*sigh* I just don’t like this match much at all. Has some good stuff, but is ruined by Orton and Cena repeating the same damn sequence for the middle portion of the match and then going into a finishing stretch with no real build. And of course SUPERCENA finish.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

Overall CAL SCALE – -0.5